Parental Alienation
Awareness Organization

My Story : I have been following PAS and now HAP (more appropriate in my case I think) for many years. The point I would like to make is that of contact - 50:50 is a bad idea if either parent is hostile towards the other. My partner and I did not marry and our child was not welcomed by my partner. We separated (without discussion at his instigation) when our child was 4 years. Because we did not marry there was no court arrangement and financial counselling and parenting counselling went on for many years at my instigation with little result. My ex partner's hostility towards me became extremely emotionally abusive. Despite this I had given my child his father's surname and named him for one of his father's parents. I was anxious that my child develop a relationship with his father. Too anxious. Although I tried to keep my ex partner's abuse within my own life I became very depressed and over protective of my child. I doubted my ability to mother. I insisted that all arrangements with my ex partner were adhered to, even in the face of my child's misery. Over the years my ex partner's abuse towards me expanded to include all his friends and family and he attempted to alienate my friends too. I definitely felt that he wanted to kill me in some way. I know that sounds dramatic but I was definitely the focus and he wanted to eradicate me. My child attempted suicide at 13 years and when leaving hospital insisted on living with his father. the hospital consultants insisted that I allow this to happen. I felt that the conflict could not continue and if there could be no rapprt/reasonable co parenting with my ex partner then I must step back for my son's sake. After a year my son stopped coming to see me or communicate with me. I maintain contact through text messages and occasionally he will answer his mobile phone (I have not been allowed to have his landline number since his father remarried and moved into his wife's house. His wife is extremely hostile towards me and for years I could not have any conversation with my ex partner without her constant screaming interruptions.) Nevertheless my son and I somehow managed to have a wonderful 10 day holiday together last year but in a way my son has put even more distance between us since our return. Now I have cancer and his father is now anxious that our son communicate with me and is frustrated by our son's insistence that he will not communicate with me. My ex partner blames me for this. I have now visited my son twice at his father's house because I am anxious that my son deal realistically and optimistically with my illness. I visit when I am able to take friends with me for protection. While they deal with my ex partner I am able to visit my son in his room (he is very isolated and does not leave his room apart from going to school - which he now does regularly). My son is very affectionate towards me - to my relief - but his anxiety an confusion is still there to see. The point of my long explanation is that I regret trying so hard to maintain my child's relationship with his father. Looking back I believe that it allowed my ex partner access to control me which I believe allowed him to try to destroy me without thought for our child's wellbeing. I believe I should have kept my child safe with me and allowed contact only when my child began to ask for it. In this way I believe I could have allowed my child to have some kind of virtual relationship with his father (I didn't criticise his father to him) and pick it up when my child was ready. Maintaining 50:50 access is definitely not right for the child, only for the non custodial parent's satisfaction and that person's own feelings should not be acceded to so quickly. Mediation is a better way to go than the courts but there are many counsellors and mediators who have their own issues and beliefs and who are too interested in achieving some kind of interparental rapport rather than look at a settling down and stabilising period for the child. Alternate weekends and holidays are fine and only if the child is happy to do that. I believe that the custodial parent alone should be supported to encourage the child to think positively about the non residential parent but not pushed. As the child grows older school nights are very disruptive to their routine and until the child is old enough - say 14 or 15 years - to volutarily want to spend more time with the non custodial parent the alternate weekend access has to be a better way. My ex partner of course complained and complained to our son about the unfairness of his 40:60 access (7 days a week are not divisible evenly) and in the end our son found this unbearable.

Name : A Grieving Dad's Letter

My Story : May 27, 2006 Dear Alyssa & Krista, I have wanted and needed to write this letter for a very long time. It has been really hard bringing my thoughts together in just the perfect way so that you two may come to understand what has brought us to this point. During your younger years I avoided discussing some important things with you because it was not something children should be burdened with. Now that you are older, I think it is time. The sadness I have felt from being apart from you over the years has been hard to endure. A day has not passed when my chest hasn't swelled and my heart felt heavy. Oftentimes I will think of you by hearing a song, seeing a movie clip, overhearing a conversation or watching other fathers with their daughters. For those moments the heartache can overwhelm and cripple me. Knowing that the two people I love and care for more than anything, may not understand and know how deeply I feel for them. While we've been apart I can only hope that you might have been missing me too. That is all I can do, is hope. You are my girls and everyday of my life I hold you near. You may question how I could love you both so much, but never see or talk to you. I've had to make some very tough decisions over the years. "What is best for the girls? What is the best way to go about this? What will be less stressful for them?" These are some of the questions I often asked myself. Usually, people at odds work together towards a compromise. In this case, no matter how much I encouraged cooperation for the best interests of you, our children, your mother was set on separating me from my daughters and you from your father. As much pain and disappointment this has caused me, I believe that you two have hurt a lot also. I know very well the difficult circumstances you have lived with over the years. The stress and discomfort you must have felt at times was not fair, not for any child. With hopes that some of your home life stresses would be lifted, I made an extremely hard decision and stepped back. In the past, during my many calls to you, I could hear and feel the hesitation in your voices. I would always tell myself, "It's not me they are reacting to. It's the pressure they are getting." I could feel you being torn. Your mother would repeatedly say to me. "The girls want me to tell you that they don't want to talk to you anymore." I was crushed and refused to believe that was true. Your mom would reply, "Do you want them to tell you directly? I'll get them." There was no way I was going to have you speak those words to me and no way I was going to listen to you say them. No one should be put into such a dilemma, let alone a mother doing this to her children. Being in a situation where you would have to choose between parents is something I would never have wanted for you. So I stepped away. That is the only way I could protect the two of you from more emotional pain. My love for you has always been unconditional. I've never "dangled a carrot" for your love or scorned you into thinking you won't get my love and acceptance if you don't do what I want. I've never wanted to be your "friend," I just wanted to be your father. I hope you can remember some of the fun times we have shared... going to the San Diego Zoo, The Children's Museum, swimming in the backyard, playing the drums, camping, fishing, miniature golf, The Family Fun Center (arcade), and visits to Indiana. And I can't forget our trip to The Big Apple, New York City. Do you remember as I do that when the three of us were together, we were at ease and happy, a warm and loving family? I sure do, and I keep those memories close to my heart. I can only hope for now that there will be more wonderful times for us to share. I know you have the impression I haven't supported you financially. When your Aunt Shawn saw you last summer, Alyssa, she said you mentioned this. I hope you will believe me when I say that is absolutely not true. I have enclosed child support receipts as confirmation. Your mother receives nearly $12,000 a year from me. The money I send is for the two of you only, the daughters whose welfare I truly care about even though we're apart. The amount I send is roughly 20 hours a week of work. Maybe now you can understand why I have lived with housemates in less than comfortable situations. I have a responsibility to make sure you are provided for and I take it very seriously. I have a clear conscience knowing I put your needs before my own, which has been a comfort for me when times are tough. Every birthday and Christmas (and when you were younger the festive holidays like Halloween, Valentines') I have sent gifts. In recent years I've sent flowers. I know many things from us have been returned over the years. I have sent gifts and flowers to the church you were attending in care of Pastor Linnemann as well as to your school. (Do you remember receiving among other things, the many gift certificates?) It has been hurtful and disappointing through the years that your mom has not encouraged the two of you to recognize me as your father, whether it be with letters, school pictures, report cards, art work or allowing your visits. Mostly she would only make contact with me when requesting more money. I want to make it very clear that neither of you are at fault for this. As children you could not be expected to do the things that would keep you connected to me, your father. Now, Alyssa, you are graduating from high school. Time has gone by too quickly. I clearly remember your first day of kindergarten. It was very exciting and I was very proud. But events of that day were also an omen of what was to come. I later learned that your mother had enrolled you in school under the assumed name of her then boyfriend, Tim. I was devastated and contested it at court. But ultimately your mom learned how to gain control of most every situation, especially when it came to my relationship with the two of you. Many, many times I have had to defend myself against her cruel allegations. Undoubtedly you and Krista have been told some untruthful things about me. I can only hope and pray that you know in your heart that I am a decent man. Most of all I have missed the joys and rewards of being your dad and just getting to be a parent. I would have loved to see you playing sports, helping you with homework and learning to drive, and seeing you off to your proms. Your Grandma and Grandpa have missed being doting, bragging grandparents. Lori and Shawn have missed spoiling their nieces. Your grandparents and aunts have felt the same pain as I have and they love and care for you very much. You two are the last generation to our proud family. And just as we have missed out, so have you two. You have been denied knowing your grandparents, great grandmothers, your aunts, great aunts and uncles, your second cousins, and attending family reunions and holiday gatherings. As we are your family, we will be here for you whenever needed. We have a responsibility to help guide you though life. As you grow older I hope you will come to understand the importance of family. And more than anything, we have been denied a real father-daughter relationship. There are so many things that you don't know about me and I don't know about you. I will always be your father your whole life and you will always be my daughters. I've always wanted to help prepare, teach and assist you for what lies in your futures. And to instill in you the value of character. of being honest, kind, moral, compassionate. Guiding you two has been something I have really missed. One thing that has kept me strong is that I've always reminded myself, "There are more years after eighteen than before." I can only hope that we'll be able to share times to come, given there is so much to talk about and learn from each other. Alyssa and Krista, I know that some of the truths I have written in this letter might be hard to accept. There is so much that you don't know and may not understand. I have chosen to remain quiet over the years so as to not burden you with such matters or "poison" you against your mother. You may recall my telling you when you were young that without your mother I wouldn't have been blessed with the two of you. My interest is in one day restoring my relationship with you, my daughters, not destroying your relationship with mother. The day I see the two of you again cannot come quickly enough for me. I Love You, Miss You, And Think Of You Everyday, Your Dad This legacy letter, written May 2006, has yet to be received by the daughters. There exact whereabouts remain unknown. Dad and daughters last together August 2001.

My Story : Hi, I did not know that this program was out there- It is a great idea.... My story- well, to start I have two wonderful boys, ages 12 and 7. when they were 7 and 2 their father and I divorced. Shortly afterward, he remarried and moved several states away. We agreed to keep our family out of the courts and wrote out a visitation schedule where the boys would school with him and visit me 5-6 times a year. After the first visit, which was Christmas I recieved a letter on 1-18 stating they were moving out of the country on 01-20. This started a year long panic of trying to see my children. I had no number for a long time, and only recieved sporadic calls and letters from the father. One such letter asked me to allow the new wife to adopt them, and on mother's day I got a card that said "you were a good mother, but we have a new mother now", etc. Finally with the help of a Senator, we were able to bring the children home for a visit (again Christmas) and settled with the attorneys another arrangement. He continued to harrass me with e-mails stating I had drugs, and mental illnesses. He refused visitations, taped all calls, refused calls unless they were on a specific day, spoke down about me and my new family to the children, and convinced my youngest that I actually was NOT his mother. He refused to tell me when they moved, what shool they were going to, etc. This continued for 5 years before the courts finally had enough, as did my oldest child who developed anger over the way his father has forced himself on our relationship. I now gained custodial custody of my children, and we share joint parenting. 8 Months later he has filed a contempt charge against me, in continued harrassment fashion. He has refused to call his children, refused to discuss any of the issues about the children, demands expensive private schooling and medical testing without warrant, yet does not provide any financial support (he has delayed the final child support order, by dragging it in court), any letters to the boys include "your brothers are enjoying your room" or " they just started this new karate class" or " the family is praying for your situation". And he even attempts guilt on the children saying things like, "you broke our family", "the family is very disappointed in you", " I guess you got what you wanted..." I just hope that he gets the help he so desperately needs.

My Story : one afternoon I went to pick up my 6 yr old boy from his home,he was sick (chicken pocs)& was not at school. My contact time for that day was 3pm to 7pm, I got to the door & no one was home, I call the house,& the mobile phone with no answer but left a message. I wait for an hour & left. I then My son's grandmother's number, she said " they just had left her house". I drove back to the house & her husband answered the door(he had helped me before) my son's mother came and asked what I wanted. I had to explain it was my cotact time(I had thought of leave home if he was to ill but want to see him). she said "NO" & started yelling how a bad father I was. that did upset me, but I calm & said,"it's getting late to take him so I just want to see him". "NO" again followed by yelling & the bad father story. the hushand tried to calm her but then she PUSHED ME DOWN the STAIRS lucky I grabed the door jam & landed two steps down, she then went to slam the door on my fingers, yelling "get out", I step my foot between the door & fingers. the husband tring to control said "you better go". I said, "this is my time with my son, I just want to see him. THE DOOR THEM SWUNG ONTO MY FINGERS & the door was closed. I knock & I knock. So I call the house from the front yard, heard it ring, no one picked up, tried two more times, the final time she answered I'm calling the police. I ask for at less to put my son on the phone, she hung up the phone. I the thought the Police was a good idea & called them(she didn't call them at all), two hours later police came. I explain my story & told to stay next door. the officers came back & said the child was too upset & even with the help of her husband did not want to come out. I was then told by the "domestic Violence" section that It would be hard for me as a man to press charges on her as I was told "MAY NOT GO TO COURT". But if a man did this to a woman I would be in jail without and questions. thank for reading this Ross going for shared parenting to even out the power play that exist now.

My Story : My story began 4 years ago when I lost my now 8 year old daughter. I went to court because her father was drinking and driving with my daughter and was doing sexual stuff with her. my lawyer at that time put in a motion for my ex to lose more visitation and what happened in court was I lost my custody rights to my daughter. My ex was saying that I was abusing my daughter and that was not the case. He kept bringing her to daycare saying to the daycare lady. Tell her how your mother is abusing you and it wasnt true. when I brought that motion in court dss was there also. I went into court and I guess she told dss that I was abusing her. I stood in front of the Judge and tears were coming down my face the judge is asking me where i go to therapy and I said rape counselor the judge said thats not good enough. I said to the Judge I want to move out of this country cause i knew if he got custody I wouldnt be able to see her. The father would never let me see my dauther. and I was right. The father took my daughter out of daycare and brought her to florida. the next time I went to court which was 4 months later when i got to see her he set it up that I would see my daughter at a visitation place that I had to pay for. See I wouldnt mind but this is a man that has a 5 page criminal record that abused me. He mentally would keep me up at night yelling at me and when I tried to go to work he would harass me there. by calling all the time. I was physically abused by him and mentally. I left him with my daughter in the middle of the night. I thought he would never gain custody because of his record but I was wrong. When I was fighting for custody of my daughter. He was putting nails in my tires and he also stole my car trying whatever he can to get me finacially. He also had his lawyer follow me around in court and at the garage where I parked. The father would wait for me to park and park beside me. He kept calling my work and hanging up all the time. I had to tell my boss because the calls where coming in one after the other. See this man wanted to kill me and I was scared to fight because he said he would come after me. I was scared and I didnt know how to fight for my daughter. He also killed my dog. He had deposed everyone of my family members to keep me broke. I have 5 sisters. I am now still trying to see my daughter. The last time I spoke to him he said. Get a parent cordinator I am not going to let u see her and stop calling me. He is breaking a court order cause I am suppose to see her on tues and thursday. and I cant. I can see her every other Saturday though. thats when he will let me see her. thanks for reading this. the abuse still continues but now he puts my daughter in the middle of it. when we are told to leave the abuser and u do this is what happens I guess. Now I wish I never had left him. I am so broke I have had two operations the loss of my job and I am suppose to pay him child support. where is the justice?

My Story : My daughter now thirteen is a victom of parental alienation. I seperated from her mother when she was only months old. I attempted to provide for her though child support but her moms position was if you don't want to be with me then you cant see your daughter. I took her to court and won liberal visitaton and joint legal custody. During my daughters childhood I have never abused her or her mom.However, unknown to me at the time her mom was secretly teaching our daughter that my leaving the relationship was because I did not love my daughter.Eventhough, I had a court order in place her mom would not allow me to callour daughter and would occasionally deny my court ordered visits. I had no idea the trauma her mother would inflict with years of this behavior.Today our daughter is thirteen failing almost all her classes in school and is now deeply emotionally disturbed.She has also been arrested for assult on a police officer I am presently sueing her mom for full custody in hopes of saving my daughters life.

My Story : Over the past decade, I have been the target of attempted homicide, fraud, contempt of court, and perjury from my ex-wife. She has also beaten our daughters so viciously that she left a perfect crisp silhouette of her hand in a bruise on a five-year-old girl. She has been actively engaged in a campaign of alienation, with greater "success" with the elder daughter. I have not seen my children in a year and a half, in spite of two cross-country journeys to visit them. I have been systematically denied access to the Courts (eight and a half years after she tried to kill me, I have never had an opportunity to plead my case). I was explicitly removed by the police after my wife tried to kill me, because I am male and "we remove men from domestic violence situations." The cops assured me that my departure would have no effect on the custody determination. This of course is a complete lie, and the fact she had custody of the kids already was the SOLE determining factor in the judgement (for which, again, I was denied access to the proceedings). Justice? What the hell is that? Hahahahahahaha

My Story : My children's father has been telling our children to kill and to hurt me. He tells them ways to do it. He tells the children to tell their teachers when they have a bruise that mummy did it to them. I have had 12 court cases in six years, 5 of those have been family law matters. My children's father is trying to build a case to sue me for defamation and he is also trying to set me up to get in trouble with the law. Claiming that I assaulted him. I was actually charged the matter went to court and charges were dismissed against me. He and his older daughter is claiming I sexually molested her when she was 10 years old. I have had nothing to do with them for six and a half years. This is the second time my children's father's daughter has claimed someone sexually molested her. Both people are enemies of her father. Currently my children's father's daughter who is now 17 years old is trying to get an AVO against me, claiming a did a slitting throat action to hurt. I have done nothing to her. I feel I am being set up, to be made out to be a violent and abusive person, so the father them can use that to obtain the residency of the children. Currently our children have been seeing a child psychologist, where they have made disclosures about dad telling them to kill their mum amongst other things. My children's father just wrote to the children's psychologist and stated that I sexually molested his daughter when she was 10 years old, that I physically abuse our children and that he has a video of me eating faeces. These accusations are all untrue. My children's father has made countless accusations and allegations about me to the courts, to the police, to the children's school and other professionals working with the children. I need help, is there someone out there who can help me and our children.

My Story : My 12y/o son now won't see me or even return calls. How can a son be turned from his loving Dad. He is so confused and I can't imagine how i can help him short of gaining full-time custody - do the courts know anything at all about this Parental Alienation Abuse. I may just inform them because i can't sit back and accept this confounding and depressing journey my son and I (both victums) are being fored to endure? Shattered in Sydney

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My Story : My two children were brought into this world at a time in my life when love with my partner was strong, and children were a welcome addition to our lives. I was reliant on disability pensions for income from serious back injuries sustained at work as a carpenter. Although I had a couple of surgeries that didn't work and was in a body cast for some time, I enjoyed bringing these two wonderful children into the word, and be there every day to raise them, take care of their needs as best I could. It took some effort, but after several years of me "paying the whole shot" as far as the household bills were concerned, the (now ex) went to work. I assumed the role of Mr. Mom, and me and the kids had a blast doing it. I would be the first up every morning, making sure that breakfast was there, coffee made for the Mrs., clothes for school pressed and ready. (honest, I realy did this) The kids and I formed a very tight bond, mutual respect with a lot of laughs. I'd walk them to the school bus every morning, and either walked to the school to pick them up at days end, or I'ld meet them at the school bus stop and walk them home. We would then go through any homework they had, and when I knew for sure they wor'nt skamming me we'ld go outside and play. I did get a lot of favorable comments from friends and neighbors who saw our daily activities. My second child from this relationship is my first and only son, I have three daughters. Of course it's natural that a Dad seems to form a unique and close relationship with his first son, much like a lot of mothers tend to "favor" a daughter. Also, a father wants to see his son "carry the family name." This has all been completely taken away, destroyed to completion by a mother who, quite simply, has not got the caputchos, morals, or anything else needed to comprehend the abuse she has brought upon these two beautiful children. They have been brainwashed to the point where their very identity is being stripped. You see, the mother has instructed the children to use her maiden last name as their last name, all-be-it that their birth certificate states my last name as theirs. My children are registered at their school and all extra-curricular activities under her last name. The school has her boyfriend named as the other parent. Their E-Mail addresses reflect her last name. At one point she actualy asked me if I would relinquish all legal responsability for the children, in other words to sign off as their father. I have had virtualy no contact what-so ever with my now 15 year old daughter in 3 1/2 years, and have not heard boo from my son, turning 14 in June, in 1 1/2 years. They all live in the same city as me, cohabitating with mother and her boyfriend. I have loose contact with the schools, but have no other access or visitation, despite a Supreme Court Of British Columbia order clearly specifying liberal access and visitation. I do not know who their Doctor is, I have no idea as to their health and well being. My court order entitles me to this information, at the mother's responsability. In the past 5 years the parents have been divorced, this woman has made every effort to put me through hell, and back. She damd near suceeded! To my knowledge, she has made no less than seven complaints against me to both the R.C.M.P. and our local city police, alleging various criminal activities committed by me. One of these complaints was that she, with her own eyes, saw me shoot out a couple windshields with a pellet rifle. Funny thing was, when the police phoned me to find out where they could arrest me, I was sitting with no less than seven whitnesses that could attest to the fact that we were having a wake for a departed friend and I hadn't been out of my house for over 24 hours. The last complaint she made against me was to our local police. When I learned from the R.C.M.P. that the city police had a warrant out for me, I turned myself in, subsequently booked, locked up, detained for something I did not do. Funny thing was, after spending $2,000.00 on a lawyer, everything got tossed, just as we were ready to enter the court room, to speak to the judge. Crown Counsel took her aside, to this day I don't know what they told her, but she left the Courthouse in quite a fluster. I haven't had any complaints made to the police against me since then, nor have I had any contact with my children since then. Soon after the mother and I seperated, she took it upon herself to lay claim to all my carpentry and wood working tools. She knew that I was dependant on my pensions and what I could make with my tools, so she decided to declare ownership by getting a couple of hoods to help her B&E my shop and clean me out to the tune of $12,500.00. She's tried to bury me any way she can. If you had whitnessed the "trial" on her criminal charge you would laugh so hard you couldn't stand up!! That's a whole nother story. THE SAD THING IS THE CHILDREN ARE SEEING IT ALL!! They have overheard all the back-stabbing, manipulative and evil that was put together for this to be done, TO THEIR FATHER!! I wonder how they realy feel?? IT IS MY FIRM OPINION THAT OUR COURT SYSTEM IS ENTIRELY RESPONSABLE FOR ALLOWING THE CUSTODIAL PARENT TO ABDUCT MY CHILDREN. THEY ARE RESPONSABLE FOR MAKING UNINFORMED LIFE DECISIONS THAT WILL FOREVER NEGATIVELY EFFECT THE WELL BEING OF MY CHILDREN. MY SUFFERING IS NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT THESE CHILDREN MUST BE GOING THROUGH. CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT ON THE BASIS OF COURT CORRUPTION, DISCRIMINATION ON THE BASIS OF GENDER, FAILURE TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN, ETC. I have only given you a taste here, of what I've been through with this evil woman. I could right a book on all the issues aroud parental allienation and how the courts so blatently allow it. I honestly cannot put into words the anger and frustration I feel when I address these issues. Sincerely To Be Continued.

My Story : I was a loving devoted wife and mother. I was a stay at home mom for 15years. I was the primary care giver to these wonderful children. I am now a NO CONTACT ncm, with a permanant injunction against me for domestic violence. This means that I will not be able to be at graduations, weddings nothing for as long as my ex is alive. No matter if my children are 18 or 30. There is no basis or truth to the allegations for domestic violence. Only he said she said, and she was NEVER heard. The PAS is so severe that on Feb 19,2007, my limited supervised visits, I think I have seen my boys for in total 15 hours over the last 3 years, my visits have been terminated indefinitely. I am so broken, battered that I have begged to have my parental rights terminated. As the ONLY right that I have is to pay child support. I will never see my children become men. I will not be at their graduations or weddings, I have not seen a report card in three years and have not had a picture in three years. They have no picture of me and are not allowed to speak my name. I am not allowed to call them or speak to them. If I see them in public, I must turn around and walk away or I WILL be arrested. The ONLY contact I am allowed, is e-mail, in which they NEVER respond. I have even stopped e-mailing them. I often wonder how this has affected them, as the ONLY information that I have is that they hate me. I have never experienced such pain. It has cost me even my health. PAS is torture, not just to the parent but to the innocent children. When a parent begs to terminate their parental rights, something is wrong. I believe with all of my heart that children have the right to access to both parents. That children should not be alienated from one parent. That children should have both parents. Parents need to grow up and realize that in their efforts to control, destroy, hurt and ruin the other person, that they are doing this to the children. THIS MUST STOP..........and the legal system is just as guilty.

Parent Alienation Syndome has become important in a divorce action as it has final raised its head in my sons fight to keep his boys safe from an unstable mother.

 

She has now claimed PAS although if anyone in this case is guilty of it it is her.

 

The boys came home from a visit and told be for a week that their mother wanted me dead and they needed to kill me.  Finally of course it wore off as I have been helping my son as much as possible with the children.  But it is hard to know what long-term effects this has on children and family relationships.

 

Hopefully awareness of this problem will help everyone.  Thank you, 

My Story : PARENTAL ALIENATION My Story Mark Roseman Deputy Director for Child Access Children's Rights Council c/o 39 Wintergreen Drive Quaker Hill, CT 06375 tel. 860-437-8010 National Office: 6200 Editors Park Drive, Hyattsville, MD 20782 tel. 1-800-787-KIDS David L. Levy, Esq., CEO On May 1, 1997, I left home angrily because of continuing humiliation in front of my children by my wife at the time. I called her a short while afterwards and she told me not to come home, that she was changing the locks. I tried to reason with her but there was no acceptance. I slept in my insurance office for the following three nites. Then, I found a motel at a weekly rate. An Aunt and Uncle opened their home to me for the next four months. Parental alienation. Therapists believe that it had begun months before the May 1 episode. The battle for control would ebb and rise throughout the sixteen years of marriage. But finally, I could not withstand the emotional pain of my wife yelling at me for being late, for being the product of my parents, for being indecisive about issues among other reasons. I left on May 1. I was served with divorce papers within the next two weeks. I found myself giving the first of $12,000 checks to a recommended family attorney, the former head of the Connecticut Bar Association Family Law Division. Litigation for custody and visitation lasted far longer than the year or so paying attorney, GAL and Attorney for the Minor Children. Parental Alienation. That my children did not want to see me was, I believed, quite understandable or at least acceptable to me for the first four weeks following the initial separation. A court order was made for therapy with the children, but there was no successful meeting. There was little support by the mother. My oldest was graduating junior high school that June. At first, she told me she would think about having dinner with me to discuss the crisis. She called me back the next day and said that, no, she would not see me and that I should not attend her graduation. "Only those who love me and I love should be there." I attended the graduation, a lovely outdoors affair. As the diplomas were handed out, her name was called. She did not appear. Standing at the sidelines, I looked around and around and did not see her or others in the family. I looked up to the dais and they looked at me questioningly. I shrugged. They continued to call others. While at the graduation ceremony, the mother had called my office with the message that as they saw my car near the school, they decided not to attend the graduation. I had humiliated them for I was there. It was in October and with the third judget to hear the motion that the court ordered therapeutic interventions with the children and myself. The first meeting was very trying; the youngest child was four at the time and he was the most receptive but very much on guard. His reluctant high five at the conclusion of the first meeting was the last time I caressed my child in any way. The second and subsequent visits were characterized by his refusal to sit down and play with the toys. The older girls, then nine and thirteen did not participate. I appealed to the courts with contempt motions. The court ordered a forensic evaluation which determined the presence of PA. The forensic evaluation cited a pathology with the mother, that there must have been a situation between myself and the mother which triggered her hostile reaction. Yet, the recommendation was that there should be more attempts at interventions with another therapist. The court ordered another therapist and after one visit, the children boycotted the appointments. During this period and given a high level of disappointment, I started an advocacy organization and began to write about child abuse being emotional as well as physical. The Attorney for the Minor Child took aim and sent me a demand note to explain that there is no such advocacy organization. What this has to do with anything remains unclear to me. However, my board member, an attorney, was pleased to provide a reply to this. Concurrently, the Family Relations Department pursued their own evaluation. The conclusion was that the mother was brainwashing the children and that the Department agreed with the findings of the Forensic Psychologist. The court did not refer to the Family Relations Report. Instead, I surrendered legal custody of my children in order to shorten the litigation and limit the out of pocket expense for litigation. For several years, I returned to court requesting compliance with court orders for therapy and for acknowledgement of the mother's continuing interference with the children's behavior and feelings. Finally, the fifth consecutive judge to hear my case again ordered there be another Family Relation's Study and another forensic evaluation. This time, the forensic evaluation was to be conducted by Yale Child Study Center. The evaluating psychologist - a student - interviewed and met with myself and each of the children separately. By this time, I was angry, felt abandoned by the system and felt more a victim than my children. Though wrong, I was still very much hurt. One Friday evening during the first evaluations, a meeting was held on Friday nite. I knew that the children were in an adjacent room. I wanted to reach out to them, give them my love and my tears. All I could think of doing was finding support through the Jewish Sabbath litergy which I and my children knew very well. I sang softly, earnestly, compassionately and with love those tunes we were all familiar with. The psychologist's report said that I was obnoxiously singing aloud. The second Family Relation's study began with the case worker reviewing each parent's understanding of the current dynamic. She asked my former wife if she was familiar with PAS and if in fact my ex had participated in brainwashing the children. The mother acknowledged great understanding of PAS and admitted to no such brainwashing action. The case worker found there to be no PAS. Her department then sided with the Yale Child Study conclusion that the children were so hardened against me that further litigation over their access would forever prevent possibilities of reunification. I left my insurance practice, became the Deputy Director for Child Access with The Children's Rights Council in Washington, DC and have worked with family and public policy issues since 2002. I have completed requirements for Ph.D. in Family Studies, started two supervised visitation programs and have testified in family courts as a professional witness in child access issues. I was a contributing writer on family issues for the Knight Ridder Tribune Syndicate, appearing in more than 400 newspapers intenationally. My first scholarly article, "New Protocols for Family Attorneys" appears in the American Journal of Family Law, Winter 20007 issue. In June 2005, after a year of psychotherapy, my middle daughter left her home after years of ridicule by her mother in order to live with friends. That September, she called me. We have been close since then and though no making up for lost time, we have been very supportive of each other as two comrades in arms surviving a battle. Close to thirty five percent of parents divorcing face some degree of PA. It is vital that there be court intervention including threat of punishments for PA. It is vital for the health of the children that there be an interdisciplinary commitment to help all those who cause and who bear the lengthy scars of parental alienation.

My Story: I am writing this story on behalf of my husband because he wants the story to be told, but just can’t write it himself.  Like many parents who are probably reading this, he feels incapable of even beginning to describe what we’ve been through.  His boys are 9 and 10 and he’s had the bad luck to somehow end up choosing not one, but two different partners who would later alienate him from his children.  You see, the boys have 2 different mothers.  We haven’t even spoken to the youngest for over 6 months, and the mother of the older boy recently convinced a psychologist to say that the oldest is so damaged because of his father’s inability to maintain contact that they need to terminate contact forever.  The psychologist never even talked with my husband to get his side of the story.

 The story starts more than 10 years ago when the oldest was born.  My husband wanted to do the right thing and get married, but the mother didn’t want that.  She allowed his to be quite close to the baby, for a while, going over to her house almost nightly after work to help with all of the care that a young baby needs.  When a new man entered her life, everything changed.  Suddenly my husband wasn’t allowed to come around anymore.  He had to go to court to gain access to the boy – and from that moment on would only have the access that the court ordered him.  Sometimes, he wouldn’t even have that as she would make up excuses about why the visits couldn’t happen and outright deny him access.  The alienation started so young.  When he was 3, the oldest boy started calling his dad ‘father’ and explained to his dad and his paternal grandparents that his dad was only his father, and that his daddy was the mother’s new husband.  Psychologists told him that the child couldn’t make that differentiation on their own at that age, and that the mother must have been manipulating him.  The boy calls his dad by his first name now because he has to call him that at home and it’s too confusing to switch back and forth between calling 2 men daddy.

 My husband was constantly ridiculed when he picked the boy up.  Called all sorts of names, degraded, and humiliated every time he picked up his son or dropped him off.  At some point shortly before I met him a truce was called – even though it was temporary.

 The atrocities continued as he got older.  I began dating my husband when the oldest boy was 4.  I watched my husband jump through a million hoops to have a relationship with his son – because the mother demanded so much of him.  I watched how he was forced to pretend to be someone he wasn’t just to keep the peace.  I watched as it crushed his soul.  And I encouraged him to stop the masquerade and be himself.  He wasn’t being a good parent or a good person pretending to be something he wasn’t.  The more active a role he tried to take, the worse the PAS got.  We didn’t know that’s what it was at the time, and couldn’t believe the things that happened along the way.

 When the boy was 5, there was a positive DNA match that proved that my husband had a second child.  He had initiated the DNA test after 5 years of being told first that the youngest boy wasn’t his, and then that he was, back and forth.  He wanted answers so he could be a father to the boy if it was in fact his child.  We immediately began paying child support (although it was not ordered by the courts).  The mother held onto the cheques, and then told the courts that we had never attempted to make payments, so we were penalized with heavy back pay.  She told us that if we would just drop the access motion that she would drop the child support order and we’d never have to pay her a dime.  We never cared about the money, only about having the chance to be a part of the boy’s life. She told us that she would make our lives a living hell until we had no choice but to walk away.

 How we ended up dealing with 2 exes that were PAS inducers, I’ll never know.  But that’s what we dealt with.  From the time that we started having access with both boys, the pattern was the same with both of the mothers.  It was remarkable how alike the actions of the mothers were – until we started communicating only in writing, and then figured out that they were in cahoots with each other.  We would receive an email from one saying that they were changing visitation times and then 5 minutes later receive an email from the other with almost identical words changing to identical times.  The boys also explained to us that they got to play together on weekends that we didn’t have them because their moms liked to get together and talk about us.

The things we watched those 2 little boys go through over the next 4 years were heart-wrenching.  We picked up the oldest from school – and were often told by teachers that we knew it was our weekend with the boy because he was so much happier and more cooperative when he was expecting us.  And still, we would have to deal with both boys being quiet, withdrawn, and sometimes mean to us when we first picked them up.  After an hour or two, they would warm up and be their normal selves and we would have a great weekend visit.  And as we were dropping them off, we could watch them become more reserved and quiet.  They wanted us to give them hugs and kisses before we got in the car, or when we were still in the car when we dropped them off because they didn’t want their moms to see.

 After some time, it got worse.  Not only would the boys be withdrawn when we picked them up, but often they would tell us about things that had been said about us at home.  We would have to spend time defending ourselves and helping them to understand what had been said as the start of our weekend.  Knowing they were being manipulated was devastating to watch and we tried to do something about it.  Our lawyer told us that unless we had a videotape that had the mother saying the bad things to the child that we couldn’t fight it in court because there wasn’t any concrete proof and that we’d better just get used to it.

 One time, the mother of the youngest boy attacked my husband when he picked up the boy and then called the police and reported that he had assaulted her.  She didn’t have any marks or bruises so no charges were laid and the police advised us to videotape all drop offs and pick ups from that point forward.

 Both mothers would often create plans at home on our weekend with the boys and make sure they knew what they were missing.  Then, the boys would spend the weekend moping around our house knowing that they were missing out on fun stuff with the other part of their families.  We were powerless to stop it, and even if we planned something fun to do instead, it still had a devastating effect on them.

 We had to turn our phone off in the evening on the weekends that we had the kids.  The mother of the youngest believed she needed to call every night to say good night to him.  She would go on and on about how much she missed him and how she couldn’t sleep when he wasn’t at home until he would end up in tears and feeling like he needed to go home to her to make her feel better.

 Both boys were told that they could call their moms anytime they didn’t like what we were doing and wanted to come home from visiting with us.  Several times this was used as a threat against us when we were getting them in trouble for something.

 We were taken to court for child abuse for giving the oldest boy a vitamin.  The case was thrown out because the mother never called the police or social services – just filed the case in court herself.  However, the judge did tell us that we shouldn’t give the boy vitamins because it wasn’t our job to parent him – but only to have fun and take him out to hockey games and football games and to restaurants to eat.

 The mother of the youngest boy made up allergies and medical conditions in an effort to prevent us from having access to him.  The doctor told us that the conditions didn’t exist, but refused to testify to say that the medical claims were false.

 The mothers often caused big scenes in front of the kids during pick ups and drop offs.  They would yell, scream, and once or twice even hit, and then tell the children that Daddy had started it and it was all his fault and that he was bad for fighting in front of them.  My husband always stayed calm and held his ground, never yelled back – but was still made to look like the aggressor.

 Both boys are incredibly smart – but the stress caused them to perform poorly in school.  This will affect them for their entire educational lives.

 Through it all, it got harder and harder to stay in relationship with the boys.  We watched them growing apart from us and watched the control of their mothers tighten around them.  We were constantly being blamed for things that we didn’t do.  If we didn’t jump through their hoops the boys were told that Daddy didn’t love them enough, or Daddy didn’t love them as much as Mommy.  My husband became so depressed that he dropped out of school – 9 credits short of graduating from university.  He spiraled further into his depression and only worked for 8-10 months of the last 3 years.  We had only been married for about 5 months when the depression hit, and the whole thing made our marriage so fragile.  I became stressed and emotionally fragile too.  We both gained a lot of weight and our health severely deteriorated.

 We hated living our lives so much that when we would come home after visiting my parents out of country or even when we returned from our honeymoon, that I would sit on the airplane as it began to deboard and cry – fearing returning to my ‘normal’ life.

 The worst part about it all was that the mothers had my husbands family completely fooled.  The put on such a sugar coated sickly sweet act that no one believed us when we talked about the things that had happened.  So often we would hear that it couldn’t be all that bad. It almost caused my husband to completely terminate his relationship with his family because he was so hurt.  It felt like a knife being stuck in his back.  They couldn’t understand how these women who said that they wanted the boys to have a great relationship with their father and that we could visit with them whenever we wanted could possibly be the way we described them to be.

 After almost 9 years of sticking to it, going to court to have our rights enforced, and being slapped in the face by both the mothers actions and the decisions of a biased and ineffective court system, we made the heart breaking decision to walk away.  We tried everything we possibly could before making the decision.  We talked to every social service and were told that unless the mothers were willing to work with us, there was nothing they could do.  We went to counseling, and invited the mothers to join us, but they refused.  We tried to talk to men’s support groups, but because my husband was married they wouldn’t talk to him.  So, we told the mothers that we weren’t living by their rules anymore.  That we would see the kids when they wanted to see us, talk to them when they wanted to talk to us.  We didn’t know about PAS yet, and we didn’t understand that this was in fact giving them more of the control that they desired.  We didn’t understand how crucial it would be for the boys to have regular contact with us if we wanted to have any sort of relationship with them in the future.  Would we have made the same decision even if we’d known?  Probably.  If we didn’t, I’m sure my husband would have been driven to suicide.  At the time, getting out was our ONLY option.  We packed up our things and moved across the country.  For the two of us, it was the best decision we could have made.  We have a warm welcoming community here and don’t regret moving away.

 After less than a year of trying to maintain a relationship with their grandkids on their own, my husband’s parents realize just what we were going through.  They too have no contact with the boys anymore.  The last time they saw the youngest one, the mother told them that he was not allowed to see or speak to his father while he was at his grandparents house.  My husband’s mother told her that in her house her grandson could talk to his father if he wanted to and that she wouldn’t stop him.  That was the end of the relationship.  Since that visit, none of us have had any contact with him – despite sending him numerous letters, phone calls, and home videos.  The last time they saw the older one, virtually the same thing happened.  That was the last of that relationship too.

 From the time that we moved away until now, we called both boys every other week.  We wrote to them at least once a month and sent home-videos that we took to help them see what was going on in our lives.  With the younger boy, we talked to him about once in every 15 times we contacted him.  He was not allowed to read our letters or watch the videos.  And, as I said at the beginning of this, we haven’t talked to the him for over 6 months.  We talked to the older boy about 50% of the time.  He was allowed to watch the videos, but his mother would remove the letters and then tell him that we were sending him videos to show him how we were off traveling the world instead of going to visit him.  It didn’t matter how much we called, it was never enough contact for her – and she said that if we couldn’t call on her schedule that we wouldn’t be allowed to call at all. We told her we weren’t going to give into her demands.  She told us that we weren’t allowed to tell him we wanted to see him because it was too hard on him.  She had told him that he couldn’t see us because we lived too far away and kids can’t fly on planes alone until they are 16.  We told him it wasn’t true and that he could fly and explained about the way flight attendants would look after him on the plane.  He came up with lots more excuses about why his mom said he couldn’t visit us.  She would get mad because after a call with us he would be upset.  He was, in all truth, upset because we were dispelling the myth that his mom had created, but she said that we were just causing problems.

 He started to have difficulties because his mom was creating such a delusional reality for him.  Then, he would talk to us and we would burst the bubble and tell him the truth – that we love him, that we want to be with him, and that he can come to see us if he wants to.  So, she carted him off to a psychologist and told the psychologist about how awful we were and all of the problems we were causing – and the psychologist started to work her powers on him.  We don’t know much of what has happened, except that the psychologist has decided (without ever talking to my husband) that all contact should be terminated permanently.  Now we have to go back to court and prove that none of this is true and that we should be in regular contact with him.

 It has been a long and challenging battle.  We keep having faith that everything will turn out right and we will have an excellent relationship with the boys, but some days it feels doubtful.  I’ve read through the story I’ve written here, and it doesn’t even begin to tell about the anguish, heart-ache, despair, frustration, depression, anxiety, guilt, and loss that we’ve experienced.  It all feels a little surreal sometimes – and in reading this I notice that I have really detached myself from the emotions, perhaps in a coping mechanism to be able to survive it all.  We love those little boys more than anything.  We left not because my husband is a ‘deadbeat dad’ – he has continued to pay his child support faithfully throughout the entire process – and when he was out of work and had no income, I have paid the child support on his behalf.  He wants nothing more than to have a wonderful and loving relationship with his children.

 Our experience is that lawyers, judges, psychologists, and the police don’t understand.  And perhaps they don’t understand for the same reason that we didn’t.  They have never heard the magic letters ‘PAS’ or what they stand for.  And because they don’t know about it, they can’t recognize it and unwittingly play into the hands of the PAS inducing parent and assist in the deterioration of the relationship.  We hope that this website can get the word out, and truly educate these people so they can recognize the signs and make the harsh decisions necessary to put a stop to PAS for good.  For the sake of the children who need to grow up experiencing the love of both of their parents, it is time that we all start speaking out about Parental Alienation Syndrome.

The day will come when after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And on that day for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.

~ Teilhard de Chardin

 

My Story : For years, I was the victim of mental and physical abuse, as placed upon me by my currently estranged wife. The main reason I stayed as long as I did was for the benefit of my children. After about a year and a half of counseling with my priest, I decided to follow his recommendation and seek a divorce. Although I have no intention of returning to my estranged (we have beens separated for a year), I am with great concern for the well-being of my children. My estranged and her live-in lesbian lover have and is demonstrating all of the characteristics of PAS and this is reflected in the actions of my children. When I was living in the home, I did not know of her lesbian affair. When she would tell the children they "do not need to f--king kneel when they f--king pray" and "Daddy only loves daddy" and daddy "only cares about daddy" and other similar criticisms and worse, I was there to demonstrate to my children that I did care about them and did love them more then anything in the world. On the rare occasions that I do get to visit with my children, they are distant from me at first, but after about an hour or so they begin to act in an affectionate manner and display joy for the time they are with me. This joy begins to turn once again to resentment of me, as we approach the time they are to return to their mother and her lesbian lover. Since our separation, my estranged ahs taken me to court, stating that she was afraid that I would take the children out of the state; oddly, she took the children to Georgia and told them "do not tell Daddy", just before the court date. She also said that I took my Knights Templar Sword to her job and was swinging it around and threatening to cut off everyone's head; I am a Knights Templar, but did no such thing, nor would I ever. My estranged also stated that I hit my son in the back with a 4 X 4 piece of wood. When my attorney asked her if she called the police, she replied, "yes, but I told them not to take him because he is mentally ill". There were no records of any call to the police, or of any incident report, or anything of that nature because no such event ever happened. If I had done any of the things she stated, the police would have no recourse, but to arrest me, or baker act me. This is only one of the examples of the lies that my estranged told to the courts; similar to those she ahd told the fire department I worked for, my mason brothers, and family and friends (these lies increased after She was arrested for battery upon me in 2001 and continue to this day). On more then one occasion, I have gone to their residence and witnessed my estranged and her lover walking about the house in loose fitting nightgowns The children and kissing in front of our children. The children put on somber faces and look down toward the floor, during these times. Just this Friday, 02 Mar 07 I was to have my children for the weekend. However, my daughters said they did not want to go with me on the phone. I proceeded to visit the them at their home and ask if they wanted to go to dinner with me and I would return them after dinner. This was met by my 13 year old daughter saying she did not want to go; my 10 year old followed suit, as she often does the same her sister. When I asked her why her only answer was "because". She did say quietly that she loved me and then went to the kitchen table; this after we prayed (I have been saying nighttime prayers with my children since their birth). I then called to my 13 year old, as my 10 year old stayed with me in the entry.She ignored me. Then when my estranged's lover called her, our daughter answered her immediately, which lead to my estranged laughing as she held her lover close to her. As my daughter was directed to talk to me by my estranged's significant other, I told her that "daddy and mommy love her and she can call daddy whenever she wants and I would always do anything for her". I then gave both of my daughters a warm hug, a kiss on their cheeks and an I love you; my son was working (he works at the same Mc Donalds as his mother, who is his manager). While I was able to present my sincere love and devotion to my children when I lived with them, I find it harder to do so when I am not with them daily. This is because they take what their mother and her lesbian lover say, at their word. When my brother masons found her to be lying about me, my estranged said that a brother Knights Templar (a part of the Free and Accepted Masons) licked her neck in the parking lot and that the children saw him do it. When I asked my children if they saw this, for she made this statement to me in front of the children, they replied that they "did not see it but they believe it because their mommy said it". Of course, the children were the only ones that she said witnessed that which she claimed. My estranged goes to the extremes to denounce me; she will speak poorly of my family, my Brother Masons and Knights, the church, the sheriff's department, and anyone that is associated to me. My friend of nearly ten years and the current sheriff offers me support, but aside from extra patrol, he is restricted from doing much else in this civil matter. There is nothing that I would not do for the enrichment of the lives of our children. While the matter of alienation is being effectively addressed by my attorney, the alienation continues. Although I would love to be the chosen as the primary residential parent, my main concern is that the children's needs are met. As I have asked my estranged to attend counseling for the family and she has repeatedly refused, I will request that the court order such counseling to take place. Regardless of whom is awarded custody, I want to ensure that our children know that both of their parents love them. Certainly, in my making this request, the divorce may be prolonged and the costs will increase. However, it is not the amount of time or money that concerns me; what my main concern is, as it always has been, is our children. If there is any manner in which I may assist in promoting the awareness of PAS, as well as means of effectively stopping PAS, please feel free to contact me. If you hae any ideas that might help me to lessen the emotional strain placed upon my children, as a result of the alienation that their mother and her lesbian lover have cause, please do not hesitate to write me. Thank you sincerely. This is a group involving missing children alerts which I find to be applicable to PAS as many times the abductors are parents which have caused PAS upon their children. http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/SarahFergusonDuchessOfSmiles

My Story : my story starts with me leaving my husband for another man. I have 3 sons. none are my husbands biological children. my youngest he adopted who is 9. my other son who is 16 with special needs is the one that my husband (which is his stepdad) has been alinated against me. i have always been a great mother and took care of my children, but my husband is out for revenge on me. he is trying to alinate my 9 year old now. my other son who is 18 did not allow my husband to alinate him against me so his stepdad hates him now because he loves me. my family is siding with my husband and they also contribute to the alination. my husband has temporarely placement of my 9 year old. I cannot get the gaurdian ad litam to see that the alination is happening. he is doing horrible in school with behavional problems that is a cry out for help.

My Story : I have a partner in my life who's children have been totally blocked from him. They are now suffering from PAS. He was a very involved parent before the mother moved the children 2,000 miles away to Saskatchewan from Ontario. He read them stories at bedtime and sang them songs. He took them to the doctor appointments. He took great care of his children and they adored him. I saw this for myself when we finally saw them after a 2.5 year battle to see them for the first time after they moved away. The daughter said she was so glad to be here and with her dad. She told us about how she was put on intravenous when she was moved away and could not talk to her dad or see him. His son had nightmares everynight until the first night he stayed with his dad. When he woke from his sleep his dad said to him, I am here Perry, your dad is here. He never had another nightmare. The children could not stay away from their dad when they were here. They held his hand, sat on his knee, had long talks with him. It was so wonderful to see. I was amazed. The children could not understand why this happened. The children kept asking me if I spank, over and over. The children up to this point were not allowed to speak to their father on the phone without speaker phone. He would be lucky to get one call in a month. There was always an excuse. The one Christmas the mother refused to say where they were going and said the children would call him. The mother had the daughter call him when his son was out playing in the snow. She refused to allow him another call. When the mother remarried the children started calling their dad by his first name because they explained they had a new dad now. The dad explained that they had a step-dad but he would always be their dad. The mother resisted this over and over. The daughter said that on father's day she wanted to give her dad a card but was told to give it to her step-dad. Every good thing this father did was twisted into something scary to the children. An example of this was, the dad found out the children were here visiting their maternal grandmother. The children were not allowed to tell the father they were coming, the phone was blocked for weeks before they came and the father was in court trying to get the summer access time, which was being refused. The dad's parents called to see the children. The mother came over to the grandparents home and the dad's father called to say his children were over. The dad rushed to his parents home to see his children (he hadn't seen in many months). The mother started screaming at him and said he would not have them that summer. The children were at the beach and came up on the creek side of the cottate. The mother's aunt put them in the van and locked the doors. The children were told to shut their eyes. The mother and aunt were yelling at the dad calling him names. The dad remained very calm because he tried to explain that this would scare the children. Later the children were scared about what happened. They were told the father had come to steal them. They now say they are afraid to be with their dad. The mother changed the children's last names without the signature of the father. When we called the organizaton that did this to explain this he was told he had to go to court. When he called a lawyer the lawyer explained to change the children's names back in the Saskatchwan courts would cost $18,000 and there would be no guarantee they would order it. He went to court when all of his access was blocked, his phone was blocked, the school had stopped all newsletters, report cards and parent/teacher interviews and any type of contact at the school. He tried to tell the courts the damage his children were suffering from the games the mother played to block him from his children. The judge refused to see this and would only order that the children meet with their father at a child's restaurant in their area for 1.5 hours for Thursday and Friday night to help them see their father. The mother was ordered to stay away from the area or have anyone else there because it would poison the atmosphere. The judge also stated that the father would have supervised access so the mother would be encouraged to deliver the children to the father when dates were set up. The father tried to impress on the judge that this mother had not followed ONE court order to date and that this would just hurt the children to be put in this position to be disappointed one more time. The judge did not listen. The father flew to Saskatchewan to meet with his children at the restaurant. When he got there his children were there already. He was very happy to see them after 1.5 years of not seeing them. He asked them what games they wanted to play in the restauant (like air hockey, pinball etc) they said they did not want to play any. He asked them what they wanted to eat for dinner. They said they did not want to eat anything. They said they wanted to talk. They asked why he did not call them. He said his phone was blocked and when he tried to call from a different phone he was hung up on. The children said that this was not true that their mother said he just did not want to call them anymore. He said she was telling them a lie. Then some people stood up at a table beside him and the children stood up right away and started to walk out with them. He recongnized the step-father. He explained that he was to be left alone with his children and that he had 1.5 hours. They refused to talk to him. They walked out to a waiting pickup truck with the mother sitting in it. This visit was all twisted in the children's minds. Very sad. The father took it to court the next morning to the same judge to ask for help. The judge refused to do anything. The father went the next night and the same thing happened. The father called the Supervised Access place in Saskatchewan to find out what would happen if the mother did not bring the children or told the children not to go. The Center told him they could not force them to come but it was voluntary. He explained the judge stated that this court order was put in place to make the mother turn the children over to the father and have this center available for that. They said they cannot and do not do that. The father wrote a letter to the judge and center stating that he could not use the center because it would just put his children though one more traumatic experience. Nothing was put in place to safeguard them being used to hurt him. One year when this father was going after an access time with his children he had to have 2 sets of identification to bring the children here on the plane. This was after 911. He asked for the health card. He also needed the health card in case the children got hurt here. The mother refused. Our lawyer wrote to the Minister of Health in Saskatchewan. They gave us the numbers, as they absolutely new the father needed this. The mother called the Minister of Health and demanded a new number for the children. The Minister of Health said they do not give new numbers. The mother said she would take the children off of health coverage if they did not give her new numbers. The Minister of Health gave her new numbers. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? This list is very long. The father was told to stay involved and supportive of his children at their school because the children were inflicted with PAS and the mother had blocked him at every turn. At first the school treated him like any father. They sent him reports, school work the children completed, asked for him to send things from Ontario for teaching tools, sent video of the Christmas pagaent etc. When the mother found out about this she went in and the school unilaterally took her side and refused to allow the father any involvement. We went to the District Director of Learning, The Supervisor of Learning, the Regional Director of Learning, The Minister of Learning, The Minister of Justice/Attorney General, Saskatchewan Human Rights. NO ONE would help enforce the laws, rights or acts. They just kept saying the mother has custody so I had not right to be involved and supportive of my childen at school. This mother does not have custody. There is a court order in my province that stated she had custody and I had reasonable and generous access but when she divorced me in Saskatchewan I refused to give her the divorce because she was blocking my access. She received the Divorce Decree without custody and access in it. Divorce Decree's are in a higher court and superseed the provincial court order. Leaving parents with joint custody until they go to court in the new province and receive a custody and access order there. But sill a parent with access still is allowed to be involved and supportive in their children's school. It is the school Policy, it is the law...Yet no one will step up and help these children have their father involved and supportive at their school. HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN IN CANADA? My children are suffering. I am suffering. This mother was empowered by the school to do more and more to me and the children watched people in power positions allow them to be used as pawns in a divorce. The system failed these children. I use to think children suffered because people did not step in to tell people who could help them when they were in trouble. Now I know that the people put in place to help children do not. It did not take rocket science in this situation to see the alienation tactics this mother did. ALL the signs were there. Blocked phones, Blocked school access, Blocked health card, Blocked access, the children saying things in the assessment:"My mother is wonderful and does nothing wrong" "I cannot think of one thing my dad has done that is good" He is the "bad dad" that is what we call him. NO ONE will protect these children. People say wait until they are old enough and they will come. Well we know that by that time they will be so DAMAGED and AFRAID to stand up that it will take years of therapy to help them recover the trust, the fear, the abandonment, being used, brainwashing.... The MP that started "For the Sake of the Children" is a family member of the mother. We went to him about 5 years ago. He has an office in our city. We asked him to go to the family and help the children get proper access to their father. He said it would be unethical for him to get involved in that way!!!!! The man that supposedly wanted to help father's get proper access to children would not do anything at a personal level. He was too worried about what the family would think of him for stepping in for the children then to help them. Ministries, Children Advocacy Groups, Children's Aid, School's, Therapists, Lawyers, Judges, in-laws, Human Rights, Ombudsman, School Boards, Politicians, STEP UP FOR THE CHILDREN. THEY ARE SUFFERING.

My Story : the pain is almost unbearable - a single father who misses his nine month old daughter severly. i cry in the middle of the night, every night - unable to sleep - alone. just like i feel any other time of the day. then i get up for work every day and cry in the middle of the day - only on the inside - where its hidden. you see me every day, you just don't know it. now i'm at my computer at work, everyone has gone home to their own lives - i'm here fighting back the tears once again. on the upside, i guess now i can really say i've known the greatest joy - and pain - that human life has to offer. how is this kind of suffering possible? ignorance on all fronts. love to you all from a world where i only feel pain now. horror horror horror

My Story : My wife has tried to alienate me from my children. She tells them I am a loser, that I am a degenerate gambler, that I do not love my children and that I do not want to see them. She has told my children that they have nothing (materialistically) because I gambled everything away. I know this because my 6 year old daughter has verbally abused me with this rhetoric from my ex-wife, who also refuses to divorce me. I have petitioned her in NY family court for more visitation with overnight stays and she refuses to make my children available to me in the way that I am entitled. She has lied to everyone, her lawyer, the police, had me arrested for returning my son's cell phone to his school. As of this date (2/2/07) this family court issue is still unresolved. her lawyer did not show up today for a scheduled conference. More waiting. P.S. The court's are partial to women.

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My Story : My story begins 11 years ago. My mom just died my husband and I decided to move to Minnesota from Florida to be near his family. We already had a 3 year old daughter at this time and I became pregnant with our second child. It was just 3 weeks before Christmas he just never came home. No matter how much I cried or begged or even asked him why I would get no answer, so I filed for divorce and went home a few months later. It was just 3 weeks later and only a 1 &1/2 years after my moms death my dad died. I was still pregnant and had a couple of months left to give birth. After I gave birth to my second child things started to look up and i was moving forward until my daughter was about 5 months old and i was taking her in for her shots and all of our lives started to change and this was where I messed up. The doctor told me I had to take my daughter right away for an MRI, they told me that my daughter probably has a brain tumor.I took her right away only to find out it was much worse, she was born with lissencephaly and was going to die. The doctor told me she would never walk, talk, move, drive a car, go to school etc. That she wouldn't live til 2, she had been born w/o the frontal lobe of her brain she was severely retarded. I didn't know what to do my ex had their insurance in Minnesota and i knew the mayo clinic was there so I called my ex mother in law and asked her to get Kayla and take her there to help me with her, I didn't want to believe this diagnosis.My ex-mother in law came and took the baby and asked me if they could visit with my oldest and that it would be good for me to have time to myself to grieve. My ex mother in law wound up holding me off and eventually talking me into giving my baby up for adoption to her.  She told me I would still be her mom and be able to make decisions about her care etc. My ex mother in law also offered to pay for a therapist for me so I could get some grief counseling. I should've known better. My daughter was already calling me by my first name by the second month she was there and every time i would call she would be too busy or somewhere else to talk to me and later the grief counselor would be held against me as well as many other things they twisted. It was just 3 weeks after I signed the adoption papers for my baby that it was time for me to pick up my oldest and take her home. It was then it all started. My ex and his mother kidnapped my little girl and got an emergency hearing through a blocked judge and within 5 minutes with no proof gained temp custody.All they had to do is allege abuse, They even tried to say my daughter was sexually abused and abused by my whole family. We then started the court battle. They had a pit bull attorney, I had myself who knew nothing of the law and thought that a judge would see through this and all I had to do was tell the truth and show my documents to back me up. NO, this was the worst way I could've thought. I did the best I could, I sold everything I owned lost many jobs because of time off travel etc. I started getting ill, my kidneys were failing. It was the last court date that I went into default by 3 hours traveling 1800 miles. I called the judge and they told me "don't worry they were no shows and the appropriate paper work wasn't filed." I got there late of course and was handed an order that stated I had supervised visits, joint custody and had to see my child in front of a therapist NOT because I abused her, but because my ex said I would kidnap her. Now my ex was claiming that I never abused my daughter but abused him. This was because the psychiatrist didn't back up their abuse allegations. Since this time my ex has moved with my daughter at least 25 times in at least 5 states.I have gotten 3 pictures by them of her and maybe 5 phone calls of 5 minutes a piece and every time I would just try to tell her where I have been or that I didn't know where she was,  I would get hung up on.I have over 400 emails just pleading with him to talk to and see my daughter to no avail.I have since had almost 50 surgeries and have kidney, back and nerve problems.I could do nothing but beg. I have emails to prove that he has showed her documents, he has also told her i have been institutionalized all this time with mental problems and that I have abused her. My ex husband has been into a form of polygamy called polyamory or polyfidelity and is all over online looking for women to join his and his new "not wife's" cult.My daughter is now dressing gothic and very angry at 15 years old. Even after she has seen absolute proof I didn't abuse her and even in documents in her own fathers words still says I abused her because she remembers me spanking her.She also writes to me and tells me how my ex husband's ex wife is her mom and that she thinks I am "horrible" and that she agrees with this. These people rub this in my face alot and write me terrible emails and comments about how my daughter hates me or taunting "you didn't kill yourself yet". I have now over 30 emails of my daughter ranting and cursing, calling me names etc. and now her father will say"I am staying out of it, I am a buddist now, I don't tell people what to say or do, you have made her hate you etc", how convenient after he already made her hate me. I can't tell you how much pain I am in. I already lost my baby who is thankfully still alive, but will die before she is 20.I lost my little girl who used to be attached to my hip, who now thinks i am a monster. I know this is probably why I am chronically ill, I have high blood pressure, panic attacks, tightness in my chest, I eat a pack of tums everyday.I have troubles sleeping and chronic fatigue .I have called 1000's of lawyers, I have dealt with police in every state etc. I have gotten no where. I had no justice, I never got to speak a word of my side in court. I was never investigated by the police or anyone, but yet my daughters are gone, some judge ruined our lives within 5 minutes with no proof.I will never be the same, ever.It was like I gave birth and then I had my child forced from me and gave up to him without my consent, like a forced adoption.How do you live with that? I could go on for hours about allegations, emails, what was said etc. It doesn't mean a thing, nothing does.

My Story : I last saw my Daughter in June of 2006. We went to Chicago to see Blue Man Group and then to Ceveland to the RR hall of fame. I took her home after a 2 week visit. Little did I know this would be the last I would see her. Her Mother procceded to blame my now dead Father for molesting his Grand-Daughter. Then she started accusing me also. I received phone calls from children services, the police dept,etc. They did a two month investigation and came up empty..But because my Daughters' psychologist says she is too fragile to see me, I no longer have any contact with her..

My Story : This is the most bizarre experience of my entire life and I have had more than my fair share so that actually says alot. I am on the internet tonight researching a name of a syndrome I never knew existed until a visit to my attorney's office today. He told me, " Check out parental alienation" So here I am... I had a "normal" childhood - Mom, Dad, three sisters. The usual fusses and fights all the way around and then one day I grew up and married a man that had an alcoholic Dad that raised him - four ex stepmothers - and a mother that had been kicked out of the picture when he was 7 yrs old. For the fifteen years we were together I was the primary caregiver of our children and my husband "traveled" during the week and when he felt like it came home on the weekends. Complete cliche - he had a second family in an adjoining city... So now I'm going through a divorce with said man and am watching him "recreate" his childhood. Two of my daughters truly never had much respect for me or my wishes. If I asked them to do something or told them they were not allowed a certain activity they would always call Daddy and he would contradict my decision. So in some way this is NOT a huge surprise but the vengence that they are "attacking" me with is. I just had my youngest mutilate my bra by cutting out the centers with a manicure sissor because I told her I would not leave my bed and get her new towels to use after she took a shower in my bathroom which I told her she could not use at 10:30 at night. Her response,"you can't touch me, my Dad said he will put you in jail." I've tried to take her to counselling, she calls her father on the cell phone which I provided for her, and I hear him tell her that she does not need it - that her mom is the crazy one. I take her to the doctor's and she won't cooperate with specimens the doctor requests for lab tests - once again, "you can't make me". I try to make her attend school regularly, she tells me that it is not her that will get into trouble but me that will have court fines and if I "touch" her her dad will put me in jail...She is 5'2 and 170 pounds (weighs more than me) I couldn't manhandle her into the car if I wanted to... My soon to be ex husband allowed my 17 yr old daughter to skip school and meet her 21 yr old boyfriend (which I had forbidden her to see)at his apartment. When I found out I met her at school and took away the car keys - I'm driving, she is in the passenger seat and then decides she is going to JUMP out of a moving vehicle. I fight my way through traffic and slow down enough that by the time I get to the curb she is not seriously injured but does have bruises. She runs away to him - he gives her the keys to his jeep to drive. She has 4 WEEKS to graduation (1 yr early with an acceptance to Baylor as pre-med)and he is promoting her skipping! The next day she ransacks my room looking for the prom tickets I bought for her and then she takes my car keys. She bites me when I try to get them away from her, we end up on the floor, I ask my 16 yr old to call the police and when they arrive she turns sugar sweet and they almost arrest me because of the bruises from the previous day. Thank God I had teeth marks on my arm from where she bit me. Funny thing to be thankful for. My "ex" husband gives her a keg party on Prom night, gets her a tatto on graduation night, he gives her the money to get a lawyer and emancipate herself, he sets her up in an apartment with her boyfriend and promptly leaves her with my 12 yr old that also decides that Daddy is the one she wants to live with and since she's 12 the courts let her make the decision for that and if I disagree it's a costly court battle. Which I can't afford since when my husband decided to leave he siphoned all of our funds into a separate account. He tells the courts, "Oh no, I live there too" But everytime I call or see my youngest she tells me her dad is in Austin with his girlfriend/fiance and her two girls. I cannot afford a private detective or a court battle. These two daughters feel free enough to call me a bitch and to tell me how their "dad" gives them hundreds of dollars and credit cards to use as they wish (which he now claims as community debt). He writes emails to me that says I do not respond to his calls so that we can constructively work out problems with our daughters. I finally got through to him today and said that was not true, I do call him back. He says my number shows up private so he won't answer it, I tell him I leave messages on his voice mail and then he tells me "well, I never check my voice mail anyway" Consistently, he accuses me of child abuse - talk about being side swiped out of left field and it's like my two daughters are waiting like rabid dogs to make the same accusations and bring "mom down". Why? I have read and read and read every piece of literature I can find on divorce and the reprecussions. All I can assume is my husband "wants" my girls alienated from their mother. That is what he knows. His comfort zone. I cannot have contact with these girls just for sheer survival. I have to build a new life after investing the previous 15 yrs in this marriage. Now I will not have a retirement, savings and from what I see coming through the court papers - a whole lot of debt...The last thing I need is jail also for false accusations. I also have 1 daughter that is still with me, loves me and depends on me plus a son that is grown and cannot believe what is happening to his two other sisters. We think it is the invasion of the body snatchers.

My Story : I have 4 children ages 13, 10, 8, and 5. I finally am able to put a "title" to my feelings. My Oldest child is so angry with me and can not explain why. My ex-husband has always used him to get information, even when we were married, about what I was doing and who would come over during the day. This behavior has become worse after I decided I needed to leave the relationship. My children know of every court date and the contents of it. I am excluded from I.E.P. meetings, school meetings, counseling appointments, Doctor's appointments, and the list goes on. I call the schools, counselors, and Doctors almost weekly to get the information that is necessary to be apart of my childrens. My ex usually tells me of appointments after the fact or a few minutes before to make sure I almost can not make them, or not at all. He has my children scheduled in so many sports and activities that over-lap on my time with the kids. We recently had a Sloution focused evaluation and my ex-husband got her on his side. I believe my oldest son is so brainwashed that he cant see the manipulation and control his father has over him. My children are constantly being "resued" from their mistakes and even from me without cause. I have known this behavior for the whole time but never knew there was a name for it. I am so releived to have a title for it and that it is wrong, not only in my eyes but in so many others. This is so unfair to our children. We are not "allowed" to have a loving, close relationship because of the hate and vindictiveness of my ex-husband. My fiance's ex girlfriend is now in contact with my ex-husband and she is doing the same thing my ex is. We are getting a double whammie. My fiance and I share the same lawyer but are not getting the results we need for our childrens sake. We can not afford anyone else. Please if anyone has suggestions on how to get this information in front of the judges and evaluators please please please email me. I would also like to help get this information around the world. Our childrens desreve for the truth to be heard!!! Thank you.

My Story : This is a story about my grand-daughter. It is so heartbreaking to know that she has gone through and is still going through verbal abuse from someone who I love- my son. I have listened to the verbal abuse and how he talks to her mother (they are not together as a couple) in front of the daughter. I have wittnessed this many times and confronted my son about it, but now it seems I am the target and my grandaughter knows no better. She is growing up in a verbally abusive environment and there is nothing I can do about it. I have spoken to my son about the way he talks. He can not seem to hear me. I have called social services. So has the mother but that got us nowhere. Let me give you an example of the verbal abuse my grandaughter goes through. On Christmas eve day I picked up my grandaughter from her mothers place. We were to spend time with her cousins Christmas eve. Knowing that the kids will probably want to play outside, I suggested that she bring her snow pants along (now I wish I had not read on). Well we had a great time with my grandaughter. My daughter has two boys and recently had a baby girl, so imagine how much fun it was for my daughter and I to shop for a girl age 6. My grandaughter was having a great time playing with her cousins and with her gifts but she had to go back home so she could spend time with her fathers family on Christmas day. Well, Christmas morning I recieved a call from my grandaughters mother asking if we had  my grandaughters snow pants because my grandaughters father was on the phone upset because she did not have her snow pants there when he was picking her up. I recall the phone conversation and it just chills me. I could hear him yelling obsentities at my grandaughters mother and telling her how worthless she was while she had the phone up to her ear. I asked her where my grandaughter was she said she was in the truck with her father. He was in his truck yelling at her telling her she was a worthless piece of ---- and other words I won't type. I told her to give him the phone hoping I could calm him down by the distraction. Well it was just the opposite. He got even madder.  He threw the phone across the street (during this time it was scary because it got very quiet). She went to retrieve the phone and I heard her saying to him "that was real mature of you and that she was sorry about the snow pants." She also said Ya Ya I know I'm a piece of ---- and worthless (she always says this to him I assume to shut him up but it can not be healthy for her to continue to hear this from him. The language he used and the loud yelling that I could hear so well even through the phone just makes me so crazy. As a parent I think -what did I do that taught my son this behavior? Where did he learn this? Why does he seem so angry? My thought was for my grandaughter sitting there listening, scared because everything is happening so fast. My parents are so angry. Is this my fault? What do I do, what did I do? My grandaughter was sitting there while my son was acting like a maniac over a pair of snow pants. My grandaughter has had her winter jacket taken from her because she did not hang it up. She has to pay her parents too because she left her clothes on the floor. She was told that if she was in the way (by the girlfriend) that she would just get stepped on. My mother sent her a birthday card with money in it. She had to give it to her Dad for washing her clothes. He stopped by my work and stood there and nagged about my grandaughter doesn't take care of her stuff while my grandaughter was there. I had the pleasure of having my grandaughter over last summer. We would stay up nights talking about things. I would try to comfort her when she would cry about things that happened and how mean they (her father and his girlfriend) treated her. If I had the money I would take her away from him, but I know this would not solve the problem. I also know that more time goes by and my grandaughter doesn't get the help she needs to work through this, the more chance my grandaughter will not have such a wonderful life as an adult. I pray for them all of them. May the lord help each one of them. Loving mother and grandmother.

My Story : My story starts in 1992. Back then, my wife and I were temporarily living in the U.S. We came to the U.S., because I received a postdoctoral fellowship with a well known professor. In the middle of our stay in the U.S., my daughter was born. When she was almost one year old, we came back to our home country. Soon after that, my wife started pushing me to go again to the U.S. She would find hundreds of reasons why we should go to the U.S. again. For me, going there meant having to quit my job at a major university in my home country, where I was appointed an assistant professor. Eventually, I surrendered and agreed to find another postdoctoral position in the U.S. We agreed to spend there between two and three years and come back to our home country. We came to the U.S. again in 1994. My daughter was very strongly attached to me and I was very much attached to her. At the same time, her relationship with her mother was not very good. My wife was always accusing our daughter of being lazy, not honest, etc. She would punish our daughter more than once for the same "crime", and wanted her to be perfect in everything. There was no room for fun. Everything had a clear educational purpose. There was no room for mistake. People who saw my wife and me with our daughter (including the care providers) would call the relationship between my daughter and her mother as rather cold and distant, whereas the relationship between her and me as warm and relaxed. After having spent another three years in the U.S., I wanted to go back to our home country, just as we agreed before, but my wife was looking for excuses to stay longer in the States. There were many arguments between us. At some point, I found out that she secretly started an action to change her immigration status in the U.S. to a more permanent one. I realized she was not going to go back to our home country. It was not the first time that she was conspiring behind my back and doing something that was seriously affecting my life. In the past, I forgave her these events, but this time it was too much and after approximately 4 years spent in the U.S., I decided to leave. I obviously wanted to take our daughter with me, but I suspected my wife would not let me do it. Needless to say, I decided to leave the country secretly. My daughter wanted to go with me. One day, I was told I would need a permission from my wife to take our daughter to Poland. This is when I told my wife I wanted to leave and I asked her for the permission to take our daughter. As expected, her initial answer was no. However, after a couple of days I got from her two permissions - one to travel back to our country, another one to travel with her all over the world. Without going into details, one day in summer 1998, I tried to leave the United States. However, I was stopped at the airport by the police. My wife filed for a divorce. According to her testimony, I wanted to kidnap our daughter against my daughter's will and against her will. Also, I was pictured as an abusive husband who forced my wife to write and notarize these permissions. I was devasteted. The court hearing was to happen 10 days from the date they stopped me. Back then, I had no more resources in the U.S. Our bank accounts were blocked, I did not have a place to stay, already had no job in the U.S. and my wife was not willing to discuss the issue with me. I felt I lost everything. One day before the hearing, I left the country. I contacted my wife on my departure date, as I wanted to say goodbye to our daughter. My wife was surprised I was leaving, as if I had any choice. When I came back to my home country, I was severely depressed and I cried every day. I could afford calling my daughter only once a week and talk to her for 10-20 minutes. During one of these conversations, my daughter started to cry and said she loved me very much and she was missing me very much. I promised her to do whatever I could to get back to the U.S. I started negotiating with my wife the conditions of my return to the U.S., because I was afraid to do so, given all my "crimes" and a significant debt that I acquired, having to pay my ex-wife's attorney's fees and the child support, which was too high for my Polish salary. Also, the only right I had was to visit my daughter under supervised conditions. Back then, my ex-wife was very cooperative and she told me she never considered supervised visits an option. Eventually, I was able to come back to the States. When I came back to the U.S., as it happened many times in the past, my ex-wife started gradually breaking all her promises. For the next two years, my visits were happening in the presence of my ex-wife, but getting a visit was becoming progressively more difficult. At the same time, she would do everything to make my visits as unpleasant as possible. Many visits ended prematurely, as I supposedly did not follow the rules she introduced. However, whenever my ex-wife could not see it, my daughter was hugging me and saying: "Daddy, I love you very much". After these two years, I realized my ex-wife would not let me have more visits. Then, I voluntarily contacted the agency responsible for my supervised visits and requested the visits. For the next two years, I had one 3-hour visit a month, because my ex-wife would not let me have longer visits, as they supposedly interfered with my daughter's school. I did not skip a single visit, even though I had to travel from another state. I believed everything was still all right, as I could feel my daughter still loved and needed me. In the meantime, I was working on changing my legal rights to my daughter. I wanted to have unsupervised visits. My ex-wife was constantly sabotaging my effort to change my legal rights to my daughter. Among others, she tried to sue me for not having paid her attorney's fees. In fact, I was sending her checks, and she was sending them back. In the fall of 2003, a date for mediation was scheduled. Around this time, my ex-wife fired her lawyer and was openly saying she was not going to participate in the mediation. She did not show up for mediation. Then, during my last supervised visit, my daughter suddenly changed. She was rude and hateful. She said she had better things to do than meeting me. She said I was selfish and a liar. The next month, a court hearing happened. Just as promised, my ex-wife would not show up for the hearing. By default, I got the standard posession rights for parents residing more than 100 miles from the child's home. Then, probably because the child support was not increased by the judge, my ex-wife hired another lawyer and requested another hearing. She said she did not know anything about the previous hearing. The judge granted her another hearing, even though there was an extensive and documented evidence that she was properly cited and that she was openly stating she was not going to participate in "the court activities, because she did not have time". The new hearing did not happen, because the case was settled during a mediation in February 2004. According to the new order my daughter was to undergo a therapy. My visits were supposed to be initially supervised and then over a period of 8 months, my daughter was to travel to my home. My ex-wife was ordered a therapy to "exctricate herself from the troubled relationship" between me and my daughter. I was ordered the therapy to learn about the emotional needs, etc., of my daughter. My ex-wife was ordered to send me every week an e-mail update on what was happening in my daughter's life. She was also supposed to facilitate the communication between my daughter and me. Where am I now? Out of around 150 e-mails my ex-wife was supposed to send to me, I got only 13. My ex-wife never enrolled herself in therapy. When my daughter's therapy started bringing first positive results after a couple of months, my ex-wife discontinued the therapy saying that the therapist "was torturing" my daughter. She took my daughter to another therapist. The new therapist discontinued the "therapy" after two one-hour sessions and was not really willing to discuss the issue with me. My numerous attempts to talk to her about the emotional state of my daughter resulted in one eight- or ten-line letter, where she stated my daughter's emotional health was all right, and one few minutes conversation, which was not explaining anything more than the letter. The supervisor of my visits quit before the unsupervised visits were to take place without giving an explanation. As somebody stated, "she has a very good business relationship" with the therapist who discontinued my daughter's therapy... My daughter hates me. My only way of contacting her is e-mail, as my phone calls are never answered. The e-mails are not answered either, but I have reasons to believe that at least some of them are read. However, I also suspect that my ex-wife may have a password to my daughter's mailbox. When I called my daughter to wish her a Merry Christmas the last year, an answering machine started, but I was disconnected before I finished recording the message. I immediately called again, but this time not even the answering machine answered my call. Disconnecting me also happened several times in the past. I have not seen my daughter for 22 months (since April 2005). Until now (January 2007) I have been having therapy that I believe I do not need. Both my ex-wife and her husband, whom she started dating no later than two months after I left the U.S. in 1998, have been actively indoctrinating my daughter and turning her against me. In addition to calling me selfish and a liar, my daughter says that her mother's husband is ten times better as a father than I am and that the only thing she ever got from me was "this little sperm". In spite of my numerous requests and inquiries, my lawyer has not done anything to change the current situation. I am ready to fire him, but I made a mistake by not firing him early enough, as now the alienation may have gone too far to ever repair the relationship with my daughter. I do urge everybody who is reading my story to learn as much about parental alienation as possible and do whatever it takes to stop it. I sometimes tend to focus on my own pain and suffering, but books by Dr. Warshak, Dr. Darnall on PAS, as well as scientific articles on PAS, always remind me that it is not me but my daughter who is the true victim. Many times, when I had no hope and I wanted to quit, reading these books gave me the strength to continue my difficult parenting. I do want everybody to know that PAS strikes suddenly and takes an unexpecting parent by surprise. When it happens, it might already be too late, but I also want whoever suffered from PAS not to loose hope and do whatever it takes to let your children know that you love them, even when they hate you and don't believe in your love.

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