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Letters from parents
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My Story : hello,im the mother of 3 beautiful children m. 12,s. 9,and mu. 4,my ex is from arabic backround muslim,he mentally abusived towards the children and i and he is using the kids to hate me ,disrespect me and mentaly disturbing their mentaly towards me ,all the symptoms that you has describe of(hap)from telling them that the mother is not good ,not letting them talk to me ,telling them the mother is trying to poison them ,he has violate all rights as a mother with me ,please write me my story is very long and datailed.
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My Story : ... i'm a dad of 2 intelligent and beautiful girls (15 & 12) .. i haven't seen them in 10 months and haven't spoken with them in 8 months (they currently "hate me").. i live 2 minutes drive from them .. i am a good person and a great dad and shared in their lives and provided for most of their care as they grew, ..most importantly i showered them with love and affection .. married to a controlling person and divorced in 2004 and my ex has made extreme efforts to sabotage the joint custody arrangement (accusations of abuse,restraining orders,protection orders etc.) ..every day is like dealing with the death of your child ,there is no closure .. every young girl that i see requires me to take a second look, to see if it might be one of my children ... people think that i'm a child abuser because i don't have a relationship with my children .. PAS has been determined by an independent expert but our gov't agencies and family court system believe in "status quo" , they just don't "get it" and don't care that my kids mental/emotional present/future wellbeing is being impacted ...it's a disgusting thing to do to a child and only someone selfish and malicious would do such a thing .. not in the best interest of my children and not something done by a mentally competent parent ... "girls, I love you and always remember that"
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My Story : Ho! thank god a name for this abuse. Iv been watching my 2 children & myself suffer from this for 12 yrs, of no one listtening to me not even my phyciatrists or counsellers. I have done a cartoon manuscript on this very subject however it is based on alianation & my ex husbands predjudice & top of mind myth coping skils with my bipolar disorder. also passing on the same myths & lack of compassion & acceptance to my children. This was fasilitated by a family court judge who in her missguided wisdom gave custody to a father with an alcholic & domestic violance past & AVO record. He said he was no longer drinking or violant & she beleived him no questions asked nor any court orderd counselling to insure my childrens safty or his lack of anger control towards me being channeld through the children. That of cause is exactly what happend but no one would help me or my children in turn with what I calld child anger & abuse channeling. So I wrote my cartoon hoping some one would listen. some of the cartoon strips were published by a Queens land Australian mental health magazine calld "Balance' untill it changed managment & the new managment deemd it too controversial & would no longer publish my cartoon called "Stiggy & me." My children beleive & say "Because the judje gave their father custody , I am a bad perant !" With my ex's controling nature at the four they deny me my lifes jurny & judge every thing I do with what they feel is their right to condem me & punish me by with holding contact as they see fit. Such a chain of events (of wich I'v only touch the surface of.) after the trama of lossing my 2 beautifull children & there father refussing me any respect or input concerning my childrens welfare & development. dispight having the same do's & dont's guid book I was given apon family court divorce mediation. When I have tryd to approach him He just says "I dont want to get involved." & lets the women he was having a self confessed afair with at the time of our break up deal with me in her also abusive , controling & condisending manner. My children now will only have anything to do with me on their own turms,& expect me to accsept their dission to disrespect me with out knowing any facts. They also dont or want understand there's two sides to a story. They just want me to burden all the blame as they see it. This has not only alianated me but tought my children stigma & impeaded my rehabilitation for all these years I see my children go from happy dispight the domestic violance to tramatized, unforgiving, blaming & cynical. My ex's partner has also listend in on my contact phone calls with the children with out my knowledg. Then addmitted to it to tell me to stop telling my children "I miss them & to stop asking them how they feel about a surten sit uation.)She denys us any privacy in our communication via letters & emails as well & my children say this is "Accseptable" I beleive they see it as normal in view of my illness wich their father Tells me he "Needs to protect them from it." He has also cald me sick, & evil. Please for give my poor spelling I have a learning disability as well. wich they also like to throw in my face.when I email or write to them obout any issus I have about the children. Great communiction stopper. I would be happy to send you my cartoon manuscript if you think it could be usefull in the fight against PAS. It is very long & i cant aford to photo copy it but I would be happy to intrust it to you think if it could help. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this. More power to you & Follow aflicted. kind regards.
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My Story : I am currently employed as a public school administrator. I
graduated from a respected University with a Masters Degree in Exercise
Science/Education Administration. Prior to my current position, I had
the opportunity to play major college basketball and professional
football. Many people have asked "how did you go from playing college
basketball to a career in professional football?" The answer is actually
a bit complex, however, can best be described "why?" Because I had an
intense desire to compete and challenged myself to a lifelong dream to
be a professional athlete. I also wanted to support a growing family. At
the time I was married and had two (2) children. After my football
career ended we had two (2) additional children and although my wife of
twenty (20) years and I experienced problems typical of most marriages,
I felt our commitment was solid. Unfortunately, my commute to work as an
administrator (200 miles round trip) over a 4 1/2 year period of time
led to severe exhaustion. Coupled with mounting financial problems I was
determined to move my family to where my job was, or at least half way
to cut down the commute. My wife decided it was more important to keep
our two youngest children sheltered in a small town where they feel
safe. Her response, "it's not that long of a commute . . . people do it
all the time." While I agree that sheltering children in a small town is
not the worst thing in the world, I am a firm believer that a family
should be together. As the sole income provider, my family should be
where my place of employment was, and still is. She disagreed and in
September of 1999, we separated and later divorced. Divorce was a choice
between myself and my ex-wife. I have an awesome job with a great staff,
and live in a nice community. I chose to remain in my current position.
My ex-wife chose to stay with her small circle of friends and shelter
the children in a small town environment. Our choice to divorce was
tough, especially for my children. However, what happened afterward is
beyond comprehension. The once loving relationship I had with my two
youngest (and second oldest) children has slowly eroded through
continual efforts by my ex-wife to alienate them from their father. I
have sought assistance from the legal system with a court appointed
guardian ad litem. I have attended counseling, attempted mediation, and
sought assistance from Christian leaders who have a profound influence
on my ex-wife. These efforts can best be described with a very simple,
yet direct question I asked my ex-wife during mediation; "are you going
to support my role as a father to our children?" Her answer . . . "NO!"
Just Another FAD (Father Against Discrimination) will offer insight
related to the psychological term "Parental Alienation." While this is
not a new term, it is definately misunderstood by many individuals who
have been entrusted with the difficult task of assisting children
through the choices their parents have made. Parental Alienation exists
and it can adversely affect the minds of young children. I dedicate this
and future postings to any father who has experienced similar attempts
by their ex-spouse to alienate the children from their lives. Parental
Alienation is wrong and must be addressed. Research has demonstrated the
importance of having both parents actively involved in their children's
lives. Therefore, it's time to end the discrimination against any father
who desires the positive relationship they once enjoyed with their
children.
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I am the father of two children aged 15 and 13 years. Since my wife left me for someone else, about 18 months, our children were one week with me, the other week with my -ex. Everything went well untill I met someone new. My kids were happy, and they liked the new situation at my place. Strange enough, since a few weeks later, my wife started to keep the children away from me, without giving a reason. At this moment, we are fighting for a court the custody of both children. I can only hope that the judge is aware of what parental alienation means. The few times, I can talk to the children, it seems they are not mine anymore. They react completely different, as if I were a bad father in the past, which is absolutely not the case. My ex punishes the children when they talk positive over me, they told me once in the early beginning of this alienation. The biggest problem for me is proving that this is a case of parental alienation.
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My Story : My family and I are from New Orleans. We have been living in Ohio for the past 7 years. My husband died February of this year. I am writing about a children's service worker trying so hard to keep my children from me that she has perjured herself as well as filed false reports with the county to keep my children in foster care where they were being neglected and mistreated. I have pictures, video, and recordings to prove my allegations that the court as well as the GAL having no clue exists to show how children are being stolen from loving families in Ohio.My children are autistic, but highly functional. My child has denied allegations that she supposedly ONLY told to this social worker, but denied to the police and the GAL. I need to expose the tortures going on here. The expert witness is basically the social worker, who has said in the court allegations, before my child was examed by the hospital that my child was sexually abused and named the family friend as the perpetrator. She also claimed under oath that the police botched the investigation, although Akron has one of the highest rates for prosecutions of sexual predators. I was given a case plan 44 days after my children were taken from school. And had it rewritten because this worker and I as well as her supervisors didnt feel the case plan was appropriate for myself. I completed the case plan. We go to court and on the stand this intake worker states she rewrote my case plan again and she and the GAL have been chatting secretly. Even the Child services here who says my friend, who they said is indicated for the sexual abuse and domestic abuse on myself and family, they added him to my case plan. Knowing that the GAL would never recommend my children come home if he was anywhere around. The most damning thing about all of this, my lawyer at the time had me cop to a plea if they dropped the sexual and endangerment he had me plea to the abuse and neglect. Which at the time I wasnt aware I was waving certain rights. I even told the magistrate, "I guess so, its not like I have a choice." This is a total nightmare. My children and I just lost their DAD in February. Now they have basically lost me. Since on the case plan the goal is reunification. Although it has been quoted as saying they social worker will do any and everything in her power to take my children away from me and put them up for adoption. I have video and tapes and documented evidence as to everything thats going on here in my case. They even know I have loads of evidence, but they told so many lies they arent sure which lies I have on record.
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My Story : I could write volumes about the past 7 years of systematic alienation by my ex-wife with respect to my daughter . This is really hitting home as this will be the first christmas that I won't see my daughter ... the pain I feel in my heart is sickening. I haven't seen my daughter since August and contact via phone has dwindled to nest to none . In fact she has turned her against me and I'm to blame in her eyes for not seeing me . I'll post another letter when I have more time , the alienation process and the alienation itself nearly destroyed me mentally and it doesn't take much to reopen the wounds. Christmas just feels so strange , I thankfully have a loving wife and a baby on the way . Writing this somehow helps me vent out frustration - thanks
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My Story : It started 3 years ago, when I left my (then) husband. He would yell and scream at me in front of our daughter...of course I would always ask him to stop and to save it for when we were alone. Of course, this did no good as he did whatever he felt like doing - even when asked by a counselor we were both seeing. Things progressively got worse. He moved and refused to tell me where he was living, withheld his home phone# from me, when we would schedule times for visitation he would often not be there,or be very late cutting my time with her. Often he would call me and scream at the top of his lungs, throw phones (my daughter witnessed him break 3 phones by slamming them on the ground) One time she told me she was afraid and was huddled in the corner with the dog while he was throwing one of his fits. Fast forward....Sept of this year...I have in my hands a Summary of Treatment from her therapist which clearly outlines the trauma she has endured. In HER own words she told her counselor..."Daddy told me never to trust Mommy that she's a liar" Daddy told me that if I were to spend time with Mommy that he wouldn't be available to me at that time if I needed to get in touch with him." He would make her feel guilty for wanting to spend time with me....her counslor also stated that this relationship between her and her father was NOT HEALTHY...he was treating her more like a confidant, a partner of sorts.... I took this letter to my attorney as proof of what was going on. I asked for a Guardian to be appointed to her, he told me I could not afford a guardian and stuck that letter in his file. *sigh* Since then My EX has gotten primary residence of her....I had no choice, by the time I went to court he had her so brainwashed against me that she would kick, scream, punch me. "You don't love me" " I don't want to be with you" is what I would hear from her. Her therapist thought that it was unsafe for her to be with me given the violence she was exhibiting with me. I feel at times like I have been defeated. How much rejection can you take from your own child?? Mind you this is a child that I HOMESCHOOLED....she was a Mommy's girl thru and thru... I have no idea why her new counselor, the Parental Coordinator, or my attorney could see that this is PAS!!! I have given them SOOO much information, my daughter fits 85-90% of the "symptons" associated with this syndrome. I am devistated...I want my daughter back but have NO clue how to get her "unbrainwashed" Devistated in Maine
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I have been fighting "Parent Alienation" and the courts for over six years now. I have done everything the courts have asked of me. Parenting Classes, Single Fathers Classes, drug tests , therapists, I have had court orders to see my child and was never given the opportunity to see her (years). I have been falsely arrested for "Order of Protection" violation. I have had A.C.S do six investigations (all unfounded) The courts allowed and contributed to "Parent Alienation".
Currently I see my child 45 min a week if I am lucky. I must pay to see my child supervised along with "Child Support" I have been totally discriminated against. My rights as a father were violated. Currently the relationship is improving with my child but I fear that I cannot afford the visits much longer.
I wrote a book of my experiences and my feelings. Currently I am seeking help with publishing. I promise to get my story out because what the courts did (nothing) to allow "Parent Alienation" to occur is very disturbing to me.
I have law guardians trying to get "Order of Protection" against me for a poem I had printed in a local newspaper.
I want to wish everyone the best possible holiday!
N.Y.Post Liberty Medal Winner "Courage"2003
Anthony Gallo
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My Story : It started with continual interruption of my phone calls to my child,often to play or tell a joke,then during visits to my home, calls to tell of a gift when she came home which often resulted in wanting to go home early. Continual harassment from the mother about anything she could think of, everything I did was wrong and harmful to the girl and she was the only one who knew how to raise the girl even though I was the stay at home dad for the girls first 4yrs. All disagreements between me and the mother were expressed to the child starting from the point of seperation. .Needless to say I was always painted in a negative light in front of the child. Negative comparisons between me and the mothers new partner that my daughter was made aware of. Using the child to side with her when we disagreed on a matter. Joking with the child about her dad, always in a negative way. Often when the mother and I had a coversation about the childs up bringing and I did`nt agree with a particular point she would tell the child, eg; if your father really cared he would do things this way. Often if I disagreed with the mother she would tell me not to call for my daughter, and when I did there would be no answer, it would then appear to the child that I was`nt calling. After a very pleasant holiday with me and my partner my girl arrived home with pictures of the vacation, the mother went ballistic, harrassing my partner on a website she members for the disabled. The mother contributed money to the site and befriended the disabled, poverty stricken owner. The mother had conversations with the owner, who is good friends with my partner, and knowing the owner would pass this info on to my partner said " the father has nothing to do with the child,we just let him pay to make him feel like he`s contributing to the child,we don`t really need the money! THe amount she paid to the owner was equal to my support payments!!The mother was banned from the site. The mother rejoined the site for the disabled even though she is`nt,under a false name just to spy on my partner, when caught she said she was just there to help?? I sometime wonder if she has borderline personality disorder! When the girl expressed pleasure about my new partner she then started demeaning her. My girl has grown increasingly distant from me and will only take my calls if she wants something (like money) which she dosen`t get except for the support payments. My girl now wants me to allow her to change her name to that of the mothers partner even though they are not married. When I have confronted my girl with the efforts of the mother to alienate me she goes into complete denial of any facts, even if confronted with cold hard undeniable proof of her mothers actions, she supports the mother and will even make excuses for her. I have caught the mother in bald faced lies and yet the girl will still defend her.My many expressions of love are rebuffed, it`s like she puts a wall up, anything that goes against the mantra of the mother is denied, It puzzles me to the extreme, but that is all she has, her mother is her world. The dynamics of this syndrome are very complicated. This has caused a great deal of stress for me and over the last few years have had to seek counselling, once to try and understand this and try to get through to my girl and the mother, which was a desperate grab for some way to breach the wall of BS, also for myself,I have had bouts of depression and panic attacks. One credit I must give the mother, she has made me very strong in having to learn how to cope with this.I am very sad at times but have learned how to deal with negative emotions. The mother is very tactful and will create situations in which to demean me in the girls eyes. eg; after not having contact with the girl for a long time I finally make some headway and have started contact, the mother will call asking for a large sum of money for an expensive summer camp, (they have double my income and my partner is disabled and unable to work so we just get by) unable to contribute above my support payments I decline and the child is made aware of this," not that your father can`t contribute but he won`t!.".. What government fails to see is the hidden costs, my counselling for depression, perhaps the childs future needs for counselling, they say depression is a common result for these children. It is very frustrating. I could go on for pages, she moved the child out of province which was to be for 2yrs, they are still there 8yrs later. She knows I can`t afford the thousands for a lawyer and legal aid in this province will not cover matters of family law. At the start of the seperation the mother was the kindest i have ever known her to be, I realize now it was just setting me up for the move out of province. it was all a setup, a show to lull me into a sense of mutual caring and trust. There should be a law. Family services here (BC) are pathetic and don`t even have a system in place to deal with this. But I must send the money or else! There are pages more to tell and I`ve just covered a small portion of it. I`m aware of many other parents,both men and women who are dealing with this and worse cases, it should be a crime, because that`s what it is, a crime against children, I`m an adult and know how to cope, but kids have no choice but to meld into the subtle wants of the instigating parent. Thanks for this chance to vent some steam, it`s been threaputic. You,re doing good work here,bless you and Merry Christmas | | | | |
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My Story : I am 49 years old and today is the first time I have ever heard the term "Parental alienation Syndrome", although I have been witnessing it in my great-nieces for over a year. My two great-nieces are the children of my nephew. He and his wife divorced about 3 years ago, although they continued to live together for another year afterwards. When it became obvious that the relationship was not going to work, the mother (who has only a GED) determined that she had to leave the situation. She did not have a well paying job, so she left the girls in the care of their father (he has a nursing degree with a well paying job). She continued to have visitations with the girls at their father's house. He would not allow the mother to take them home with her. She did not press the issue with him since she was still getting to see the children. However, about a year and a half ago, my nephew met a young girl (he was 32 and she was 18). Within a period of 2 months, he had asked her to marry him, he had stopped all contact between the girls with their mother, and his girlfriend had requested that the girls now call her "Mommy". The oldest child started saying that she didn't want to see or even talk about her real mother (in fact, she started referring to her mother by her given name). The real mother started legal action within 6 months. The case went to mediation. The mediator determined that, since there had been accusations that the mother had previously been diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder, any visitations would be supervised by a child psychologist who had been seeing the oldest child for a couple of years. (The mother's former therapist has since stated that the mother did not suffer from Bi-Polar Disorder, but rather from situational depression.) The child psychologist was, and continues to be, paid by the father. She has even made the statement that he could just take his child to another psychologist if he wanted to. The mother has abided by the supervised visitation since April of this year (twice a month, for 1 hour in the psychologist's office). When the mother asked when she might expect to gain unsupervised visitation, she was not given any specific answer. In November of this year,she started another legal action against the father. To add to the heartbreak of the situation, the grandmother (my sister) saw what was happening in the situation over a year ago. She attempted to reason with her son (the father). He immediately stopped all contact between the grandmother and the granddaughters! The grandmother has co-filed a legal petition with the mother, using "Grandparent's Rights". This is an ongoing situation (mediation will again be employed as the first step of the legal process, hopefully in January or February of 2007). It has broken my heart to see the devestating effects of this syndrome. I have watched the children go from crying inconsolably when their mother had to leave from a visitation 2 years ago, to stating that they want nothing to do with her now. They tell her thay have a "new mommy". The 6 year old stated that it would "confuse" her to have 2 mommies, she wants only the one married to her Daddy. I sincerely hope you can get more of this information out to the general public. I will help any way that I can. Thank-you.
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My Story : This is actually happening to us with my step-daughter, at this moment. We are dealing with a huge contempt of court order with her mom at this time. To our, dismay we knew nothing about parential aliention until it was way too late. My step-daughter started leaking information to her dad and I starting about a year ago, that her mom told her that daddy left them (meaning my step-daughter and her mom) and if he hadnt left they would still be a happy family together. From that point on her stories kept getting worse. My husband's grand-father passed away, and his ex-wife called to say that she would like to attend the funeral. My husband proceeded to tell her this might not be a wise idea, due to the fact that she was not in such good terms with his family members at the time. She then contacted my husband's mom to ask if she could attend and was told that at this time they would rather not have her show. My step-daughter informed us a couple weeks later that her mom told her she prayed for my husband's grandfather every night and that HE would have wanted her to be there because he had always told her she would always be a part of the family even after the divorce. She also informed my step-daughter that it was because of her daddy and her grandparents that she could not show her last respects to the man that she loved dearly, and that her heart was broken because of it. My step-daughter was devastated that her daddy and grandparents would do such a thing to her mom. We informed her that it was an adult situation and that her mom should not have been discussing this with her, but that when she was old enough we would sit down and talk about it. It was also a common trademark with her mom that whenever we would have a special day with our daughter, her mom would make sure to do something with her the very next day, even if it meant taking a day off work to do so. We would never find about special events at school, unless our daughter told us or we would call the school. Our daughter, being 9 years old, would baby talk with her mom all the time saying that it was a "fun" thing they did. They would do this out in public as well. The final breaking point came when our daughter lied to us,twice, in a 2 week period and got spanked by her daddy. No bruises were left and after the spanking took place she sat on her daddy's lap as he explained to her why lying was not tolerated. Two nights later, after being with her mother, I picked her up from school and could immedately tell all was not well. She seemed very nervous and anxious. Upon arriving home I sat down with her and asked what was going on. She said she was scared of daddy and what was going to happen when he got home. When I asked why, she said she thought she was going to get a spanking, she couldnt tell me why she thought she was going to get one, just that she thought she would. She then grabbed her bookbag, put on her and coat and informed me that her mother had told her that she can run away from her daddy and steal his cellphone to call her and she would come pick her up. She also stated that her mother told her it was only a matter of time before she wouldnt have to come over to daddy's at all anymore. Mind you, my step-daughter could not explain why she was so scared of daddy all of a sudden, just that she was. I talked to her until her daddy arrived home from work. We all sat down and had a very long talk. Her daddy informed her that she would only get in trouble if she lied to us and if she understood that and she replied yes. She then started sobbing and spilled her heart out. Her mother had told her not to tell us, but she was seeing a counselour to talk all about daddy and what he does to make her "feel bad." Her mother also told her she should be very scared of daddy and what he was going to do to her. My step-daughter looked like the world was lifted off her shoulders by telling us these things. She said she had never been scared of daddy until her mother told her all the things that he used to do her,meaning her mother, throughout there marriage. My husband again took the high road and let her know that we would discuss all those things when she got older. Through out all this we did not show any display of disdain of what her mother was doing to her. Two days later(after our dauhgter had spent the night with her mother) Children Services showed up at our home, due to the spanking, which had happened a week prior. When we were cleared of that, we were once again visited by Children Services, this time the allegation was daddy was demeaning to our daughter. This report had come from the couselour, whom we were not supposed to know about and had never met. Because it was from someone who had to report to Children Services, they sent our case to the majestrate. We have yet to find out whether we are cleared of that as well. My husbands ex, our daughters mom, then decided to cut us off of any visitation rights with her. She pulled our daughter out of school early 3 times to make sure we could not pick her up, she contacted the school with a note stating that no one on my husbands side of the family was to pick up our daughter. She dropped our daughter from all soccer games at school so that we could not have any contact with her what so ever. Through the many many phone calls to her home, we were always told our daughter did not want to talk to us, she was to scared. We are now going through the court system to try and get our daughter back. The mother asked for continuence, and was granted it but was also informed in the meantime, she had to send her daughter over to her daddys for visitation. It was even under supervision with the person of her choice,since her mother was so concerned about her daughters safety. We got to see our daughter for two hours since that court order. Before the car door even opened we could hear her yell DADDY! through the window. She then ran out of the car full speed and gave her daddy a huge hug and kiss. We videotaped those two hours and our daughter let us know, she never knew we called or tried to contact her. She also stated that she couldnt wait to spend the holidays with us and go on our summer vacation with us. Clearly she had not been informed by her mother that she, her mom, was trying to completly erase daddy from her life altogether. We filed for contempt of court again,but were not able to get in before all the holidays. So many, many things are clear now when its to late and we are fighting with all we have to get our daughter back. Her mother had been brain washing her long before we even knew what was going on.I believe if we had known about PAS before, we wouldn't have let her mother get this far. We are devestated as Thanksgiving and Christmas roll on by and we don't get to share them with our daughter. Our hearts are broken. The "what-ifs" constantly rolling around in our heads. Look for the early signs of PAS in your children and prevent everyone from a complete devestation such as ours.
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My Story : I am the victim of parent alienation. My childrens' father was abusive to them and me when we were married. And like too many terrified women, I did not call the police, because as he said it was all our fault. After many years of therapy I finally got the courage to file for divorce. After filing, all sorts of terrible things started happening to us. People told me that men do this sometimes when they get angry, he'll stop. He frightened the kids so terribly they do not want to see him. He is now using parent alienation against me and the kids. I was told to proceed with extreme caution that if I filed a restraining order that it could be used against me. So he has total free rein to keep terrifying us. How has it come to this? I am sure this is not the orginal intention and I feel it is horrific for parents to alienate another out of spite. I feel that every child deserves two loving parents. But children deserve to feel safe and protected by the court. I am fearful we can not get the protection that they deserve.
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My Story : I am the victim of parent alienation. My childrens' father was abusive to them and me when we were married. And like too many frightened women I did not call the police, beause as he said it was all our fault. After many years of therapy I finally got the courage to file for divorce. After filing, all sorts of terrible things started happening to us. People told me that men do this sometime when they get angry, he'll stop. He frightened the kids so terribly they do not want to see him. He is now using parent alienation against me and the kids. Where is the justice? I was told to proceed with extreme caution that if I filed a restraining order that it could be used against me. So he has total free rein to keep terrifying us. How has it come to this? I am sure this is not the orginal intention and I feel that almost every child deserves two parents, but this is going too far that children can not get the protection that they deserve.
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My Story : I gave birth to three, beautiful daughters. I haven't seen or heard from my three children since 1987 or nearly 20 years ago. My husband filed for divorce when my girls were 11, 14 and 18 years old. But, the emotional and verbal abuse began much earlier. During my marriage of 21 years, he abscounded with 21 years of my retirement, 16 years of severance pay from my Civil Service job and all of my personal and inherited items. He, also, trashed the home in which we lived for 16 years. Nevertheless, the worst and most vicious occurence was the complete and total alienation of my children. Today, I do not even know their whereabouts. Unfortunately, my mother whom is paranoid schitzophrenic and an elder sister combined efforts with my husband to negatively influence and brainwash my three lovely girls. This was all done for their monetary and emotional empowerment. Last year, they directed me to never attempt to contact my girls or to ask anyone else about them or to seek their whereabouts. The first three years, I cried hysterically every weekend--all weekend! Today, the tears are spent so I grieve silently by inwardly telling my God, "It would have been better had I never been born!" Although I live physically, it is as though I am dead emotionally.I've missed 20 years of sharing that which gives life meaning. Moreover, the future looms forbiddenly as I am growing old without knowing my children. I have done nothing to deserve this punishment. and there is nothing in this world that could replace what I have missed--absolutely nothing!
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My son and I are victims of Parental Alienation. My story is pretty scary but what is more scary is what my son had and has to go through is worse. I have decided to start a support group here in Las Vegas, Nevada for parents and children who are going through P.A. Any information that you can send me will greatly help your cause, my cause and the cause of our children. And it would be a delight if you would be able to come to Las Vegas to our event. If you would be interested please let me know and I will give you more details.
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My Story : I have read the book a kidnapped mind, and I'm living the night mare that Pam did. I have two children 7 and 9 living with their father in another town. I am representing myself in court now because I know the truth, I lived the life. My children talk about hating their lives with dad, and wish they were dead. My son now talks about killing his dad when he goes to sleep at night so he doesn't have to go back and see him. Their father is very controlling, and the children are scared of him. They have to say what he says or else. My ex has limited my time with the children. Last year I saw the kids for 1 week all summer long. When I went back to court I got 4 weeks summer Vacations and every other holiday. He tried to stop all access to medical and school records. I now have a court order for those. He is supposed to allow the children to call once a week or when they want. They don't. They have to look up the # or dad tells them he forgets the #. We have always shared joint custody and he's trying to change that right know. I have a court order for a childrens lawyer, but they have screwed that up by not filing on time. My ex is a drinker and a smoker. He's had different women in his life. He found a nice girl, but she could not put up with the drinking, and jealousy. I go back to court on Jan. 23, 2007. I pray every night that my children arent going to be destoyed by something I could have prevented. I stared writing a book last year before I read this book. I had never heard of PAS. I have thousands of court papers that I read over and over and the lies he can tell. He's got to the point that he does not know the truth, and tells his new lawer different stories, but the real story is stated in his motion.
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My Story : My son was falsely convicted last week of this horrific crime. He has tried very hard to make a living for his 2 daughters. He finally got an apartment after all his hard work and saving money, and going to school, even got an intership with social services dept. which landed him a great job in center city, so he could get his own apartment with his new family and that is when they arrested him in July at his place of work. His new daughter turned 3mo old when they arrested him. His ex has Brainwashed his first daughter into telling everyone he touched her. There is no evidence whatsoever, but they made up absurd stories about him dressing in a dress and putting on lipstick. They even went as far as saying that there was a third person that supposedly held a thermometer in her while he touched her. The mother stated it happened on the couch and the child stated it happened in the bedroom. They never even investigated. No one talked with me or my family. Only a coersive statement they used to convict him that was never signed. Nobody ever came to my house to speak with me, his mother,or see how we live. I have always been there for him and my grandaughters. I treat her as my own when she is here at my home, as any mother would do for her grandchildren. We were lucky to see her when ever we did because, the mom had complete control over the times he could have her. Until she got mad at my son because he met someone else and had a new child and a new apartment, something she always wanted to do. This gave her no control over my son and that is when she decided to call the police in March after my son has not seen his daughter since Jan. She even sent a birthday card post dated March 3, because she forgot the last time we acually saw her. This doesnt even make sense. my son moved into his new apartment on Feb 28. He even went to the police in April and turned himself in, in hopes that they would help him with this ridiculous accusation. I live with my husband and adult children and nephew. We only got to visit my grandaughter on the weekend once a month. I cant tell you how this has completely devastated my family, all over a vindictive woman who wanted complete control of my son. I cry every day for him. He has been beaten up in jail by co's and inmates. God help us all !!!! This isn't going to stop now that women know that they can get away with this much easier and with the help of DHS who did not do any investigation whatsoever, and the police department who also did no investagation. We are in for a rude awaking. This must be stopped because it can happen to you.
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My Story : when my kids were 2 and 3 we began the divorce. Between the ages of 2-4 and 3-5 (respectfully) they lived with me for over 70% of the time. She would call (admitedly from the bar)at times around 11 pm demanding to speak with HER children. She would pick them up on say a Tuesday, return them early on Thursday and literally not call or ask to see them for weeks at a time. One night she even said to me "Just because I don't want to be in their lives NOW . . . does'nt mean I won't in the future." Due to the State of Illinois being a NOTORIOUSLY "we hate Dad" state, she was awarded physical custody. In Dec. of 05 she began telling my brother about a man she met online. He was a soldier form our area in Iraq at the time. When he came home for a month long leave,in Feb 06 they were married. At that point my ex-wife began scolding the kids for not reffering to HIM as Daddy. She also demanded that the kids introduce HIM as their Daddy to their friends and TEACHERS at school. My daughter (the oldest) put up the best fight, and would ask me directly if I was the step-daddy like Mommie said. I immediately began "countermeasures" to assure them that I am their father and He is the step-dad. She then switched tactics and began to tell the kids that She and Him were their "family" and that my fiance' and I were not married, and had no PETS ... therefore we were NOT a family. She also has denied me my visitation rights. Its in the Decree that i get the kids every weekend (i had to literally BUY that one by giving her the right to claim both children on her taxes the first year) but i am also supposed to get the option of one night a WEEK in addition to the weekend at MY leisure. I am required to INFORM her that I want the kids 24 hours in advance. However - in 2 years, she has not allowed them to so much as come over for dinner (we all live in a town of 4000 - approx. 9 blocks apart). I have spoken to 2 lawyers and one told me it would be in MY best interest to NOT shake the boat and laeve things alone, being GRATEFULL for my weekends. The other was much more honest - Illinois hates Daddies, would NEVER award a 7 yr old girl to her father - whether he was re-married or not unless i could prove she was an "abusive mother" or I was a victim of Parential Alienation. He then informed me that to do so would cost more than my house, and he frankly did not have the resources available for such a fight. So here i sit, spending the first half of every weekend sorting through the questions my children have for me as to why HE is their Daddy and not me. The middle 8 hours having as much fun as we did when they were too young to remember living 100% with "Becky" and I. And the last 6 hours re-assuring them that they CAN have TWO "families" that love them equally, and that it is OK to call 2 pple "Dad" and 2 pple "Mom" . . . even though mommy yells at them for calling HIM by his real name and referring to "Becky" as Mom.
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My Story : I am the step-mother to a now 16yr old girl. Since my now husband and I have been together (13yrs) we have had to deal with what is now known as parental alienation. My husband since the day she was born. At first bio mom would not allow child to come to visit. Legally my husband was allowed in home visits but bio mom denied these. Not allowing my husband to come onto the property, having verbally abusive guests over at the time of visitaion. Basically, making it very uncomfortable for him to have a positive visit with the child. We have letters the bio mother mailed to us stating such. When the child got older the bio mother started allowing her to come for weekend visits. Without warning or notification, she would come and drop the child off in our driveway, leaving her there and disappearing for the weekend. If we did not take the child home on what she deemed the proper time and date, she would call and theaten us with police action, and also withdrew visitation for months on end. This went on for years until just before Christmas of 2002. We were informed at that time that bio mom was planning to send the child to live with her god parents in a town over 3 hours away. She was not planning on consulting us about the possiblility of such a move. She informed my mother inlaw of this knowing she would immediatly contact us and inform us. We went to court and started immediate procedings to stop this. While in court, bio mom continuously lied to her lawyer and the judge making claims that there was physical abuse from our side, that it was us who did not allow the visits and much more. Even though we had all the horrific letters the bio mom sent to us, a letter from bio mom instructing us to medicate the child with a tylenol, three prerscriptions that were the bio moms. We had letters from doctors and dentists proving negect. Letters from the childs former and present school teachers & principal stating neglect at the hands of the bio mom. We had answering machine messages from the bio mom full of abusive language, hateful remarks. Even a video tape of bio mom belittling my husband and name calling infront of the child and bio moms other children. But the judge would not allow any of the evidence. In fact, after bio mom and her lawyer finished telling the fabricated story and it was our turn to present evidence, the judge refused to even listen to us. My husband got to say "Your honor I love my daughter very much" and that is all. All that happened that day in court was a structured visitation schedule and the child support was tripled. Yet we still are being jerked around by bio mom for visitation. She drops child off when she wants regardless of schedule. At the end of our week visition with child ending Jan 2006 we returned child home on time. Bio mom brought child back after forcing her to strip naked on an uncovered porch, in a -6 snow fall, infront of her step father and 5 other sibblings.They forced the then 15 yr old child to get into a unheated truck wearing thin summer capries, t-shirt, no socks, underware or bra. And they brought her back leaving her in our driveway unannounced. We called CAS, police, spoke to lawyers and in the end bio mom sent police after a week (a week of harrassing calls and threats from her) to pick child up and deliver her home again. There was nothing we could do even though the child did tell what happened. The last time we saw the child was the summer of 2006. The child came for her 2 week summer visit. Informed us upon entering the house that her mother had made arrangements for her to go away the following weekend so she would only stay for a week(this is usuall interferance) On the monday after only 2days into the visit bio mom had called police and told them we had kidnapped the child. We arrived home from a family reunion/pool party to find police at our home. After talking with the child/bio mom via phone & us they came to the conclusion that even though the bio mom was at fault they would take the child home. This was the last straw on a truck lode of others. Bio mom has in the past told the child if we buy her clothes she is not to wear them, not to eat what we make her for dinner, that she doesn't have to listen to anything we say. It was and is very fustrating for us. And even though all reports say never give up, keep fighting in all reality not everyone can afford to keep fighting. Finacially or emotionally. Parental alienation is a very serious form of child abuse and neglect that is not taken seriously in todays goverment or courts. We don't see enough results in the alienating parent being brought to the plate on what they are doing to give anyone hope that they may succeed. So the parent who it is done to feels no choice but to give up and hope that one day the child will understand what is going on.That is where we are right now. Even though we know it is to the childs best interest to ensure she grows up to be a productive member of society that we fight for her we are finacially unable to continue, and our emotional bank is bankrupt. It takes a lot out of the family that is left behind.
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My Story : My husband and his children are victims of Parental Alienation. We did not realize this for a long time until I pulled up this website. My husband and I have been together since 1999. He has 2 girls who, at the time were 4 & 7. He first won temporary custody of his girls in August 1999 then full custody in January of 2000. 11 days after he won custody DEFACS was @ our house becuase his ex accused him of child abuse. She continued these allegations to where DEFACS seemed to be almost a permanent fixture in our home. Every other weekend when she would visit w/the girls they were "grilled" as far as "did you get spanked, is anyone fighting in the house, etc. We have taken enough negative drug screens to fill the Atlantic Ocean. In May of 2003 a superior court judge ordered she only have them on Sundays from 8 - 7, the girls could not spend the night in her home. After DEFACS refused to remove the children time after time due to allegations being unfounded she resorted to more drastic measures, allegations of my husband sexually abusing the girls. so in November 2003 all our children were removed, both girls, my son and our child who was only 21/2 @ the time. All charges in regards to the sexual allegations were ultimately dropped January 17 of 2005 but to this day we are fighting to get our children back. We have gone the whole 9 yards with DEFACS but they placed his girls in her home and she set them up w/a counselor she is friends with...the oldest girl knows her daddy loves her and she wants to see him but DEFACS will not allow it...the younger one hates him due to my husbands ex has turned her against him. All my husband wants is the best for his girls but the turmoil they have been put through is something they will never forget. We just hope one day the actual truth will come out. We have spent our life saving fighting for our children but it always falls on deaf ears!
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My Story : 10 years ago I was faced with financial ruin. I was on food stamps and looked to the father of my child to safequard my child while I went away for three weeks to complete training for a better life for my child. Right before I left he made me sign a paper stating that he would be the residential custodial parent, or he said he would not watch her and I would have to cancel my plans. I had no other recourse. While I was gone, he went to court and said I abondoned my daughter.When I tried to call my daughter my calls were blocked. I came home and had to hire an attorney for an emergency hearing so I could just get visitation. When I finally saw her she said "Mommy I thought you were dead". My frustration for the next five years was my daughter crying every time I dropped her off to her dads house. The neglect she has suffered caused me to call HRS on him many times. When I did have the financial resources to finally get her back she turned on me and told me her father was dying She then started becoming denegrating towards me in private and public during our visitation times. I have had 10 years of enduring her fathers strict visitation schedules and now because he is telling her he is dying she has gone over the top. She slapped me, choked me, and tore her bedroom apart. I had to call the police and they of course arrested her. When I called her father that night I pleaded with him to get her help as I had so many times before. So now it has become so clear that my daughter has endured the worst abuse. The father has initiated the process of a no contact order, enlisted the help of department of children and families. Recently, I have had to hire an attorney to represent me for her allegations of child abuse. Just today my daughter sat in court telling the judge how afraid she is of me, how I abuse her and now I will not be able to see my daugher until this is all resolved.My attorney and I sat dismayed by the dramatics my daugher exhibited in court. I am hurt and frustrated. I thank god that I did call the police that night because maybe she is getting help. I refused to press charges, I only want help for my daughter. As of now, my battle will never end, and my grief is immense.
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My Story : My husbands ex wife started brainwashing his daughter when child support was modified about 2 and 1/2 years ago. My husband had always paid his child support on time, but lost his job. He looked for 4 months before finding another, at a lot less pay. He asked his ex wife if she wouldn't mind helping him out and cutting the amount per month from $700 to $500 until he was on his feet again. She must have forgotten his generosity toward her over the years, such as helping her start her business, cosigning for her house and various loans. She refused to help him out and they went to court. The court ordered that the child support be lowered to $450 a month. Upon that decision she became furious. This is when the parental alienantion started. She was sharing all of the court and financial information with their daughter and convincing her that her father didn't love her because he wasn't paying what he used to. She appealed the decision and took us back to court. She told the judge that she did not want her ex-husbands new child to be a consideration on the child support worksheet. When questioned as to why, she stated "it isn't my fault he has another child". My step daughter's behavior toward our 1 year old son was appalling, she was 14 at the time and was extremely jealous of him. She told her father that all he ever wanted was a son. When the court's second decision came back, they lowered the child support payment to be $55 a month. If she was furious before about $450, imagine what she felt when it came in at $55 a month. My husband was told that he was a terrible father, that he was not allowed to spend time with anyone else when his daughter came to visit, especially our son. After a couple of weeks of that, his ex-wife told him he was pathetic and he would need to make an appointment to see his daughter. He tried to talk to both of them, but the ex wife had convinced her that he was a bad father. A month later, his exwife kicked their daughter out of their home for not agreeing with a statement her mother had suggested. Her mother was so angry, she told her to pack her bags and get out. She lived with us for a year, with very little contact with her mother. After a year, the ex-wife and daughter decided it was time she moved back in with her. This made us extremely nervous because their relationship had suffered some major damage. In the month leading up to this decision, his daughter had started to say he didn't love her enough again, they didn't do enough together, our family vacations were bad because others were involved (meaning me, our son and my daughter), etc. Understand that my husband ran around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to do stuff with her. He coached her softball team, he took her to professional sport games, out to dinner, to movies, shopping, just them, one on one time very frequently. He showed to any and all activites she had. Her mother refused to come to her softball games because she was convinced their daughter only played to keep her father happy, again more brainwashing. But his daughter was once again convinced that her father was the bad guy. She moved back in with her mother and has since been to visit us 2x's for 1 to 2 week visits. When she is here everything is tense because no one knows how to act around her because we are all so afraid of her taking any action to mean that she isn't loved. During her last stay she manipulated my husband into giving her money because her statement again was "you don't show me you love me, most Dad's give their daughters money every now and then". He would have no problem giving her some spending money every now and then, she would just have to ask, not manipulate the situation with guilt. We remain on the sidelines hoping that she will stop playing her mother's game and form an opinion of her own, but the likelihood of that happening is probably very rare since the last time she spoke up to her mother, she was kicked out of her home for a year. I feel very sorry for my husband, my son and my stepdaughter. There was such a closeness before the child support revision and it has been torn to shreds because of this woman's anger, hatred and greed. I wish my step daughter could just enjoy her father as she used to. I wish she could also enjoy her brother and get to know him. He will soon be 4 and usually doesn't want anything to do with her when she is at our home. Any attempt my husband has of talking to his daughter about her feelings, usually blows up and you can tell every word out of her mouth has been programmed. It is a very sad situation.
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My Story : It all started 11 years ago. My beautiful son was born. His mother refused to put me on his birth certificate. Instead of me she put her ex husband on the birth certificate so her 2 of 3 children could share their last names. She filed domestic abuse charges on me after she moved out of my house. She lost because we proved nothing happened and she continuously lied on the stand. From then on,if I gave her money I could see him, if I didn't have money I couldn't. About 3 years ago I finally got a court order for every other weekend and every other holiday. I still have only seen my son 8 weekends in the past 3 years. She tells my son I don't love him when I won't pay for sports. This is untrue. Of course I will pay for sports if his grades are above C's like my other 2 children. I have rules established at my house for my children and all the kids have the same consequences. She has turned my son against me. She says that he shouldn't have to go by the same rules as my other children because he's not here all the time. My son fabricates horrible stories about my wife and me, to get his mother to spend time with him. His mother is not home much and he is being raised by an 87 year old grandparent that has end stages of emphazema. This man is taking care of 2 teenagers and an eleven yr old. My son has alot of fun at my house, I taught him about welding. We build campfires together in the back yard. We do stuff together. His mother tells him that if I don't take him to movies and chuckie cheeses every time that I don't want to spend time with him. I want my time to count with him teaching him stuff and doing activities that help him learn something. I do not set him up in front of video games and let his brain rot all weekend. My boy is 11 since he hasn't been coming to see me he has gained an enormous amount of weight, and has a terrible time in school. He is in 5 th grade and wears a 33inch waist pants and is only 75 inches tall. After everything I have read these are signs of mental abuse. Thanks for listening hope it helps.
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My Story : After nine years of substance abuse, sex and pornography addition, anger, control, abuse and manipulation, I finally decided to leave my husband. We separated 3 years ago, and the divorce was final 2 years ago. During the divorce process of nearly a year, my ex-husband tried desperately to keep the marriage together. He stalked me, harassed me and my entire family, even our three children. He signed the divorce papers only a few days before the court hearing. Since he was unsuccessful at proving that I was a bad mother, he tried to turn the children against me. He had them spy on me and report to him everything I did, and who I did it with. He would then either exaggerate every little detail of my life or simply make something up. In the last 2 years I have suffered with severe depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress. The children displayed behavioral problems and were diagnosed with post-traumatic stress and separation anxiety. All three children have attended partial-care, one-on-one counseling, and had psycho-social rehab workers to help them through this transition. In May 2006, I nearly died from an overdose of barbiturates and alcohol. The children have been living with their father since then. I have successfully recovered and am ready to bring the children home again, but he is fighting me for full custody. For the first 3 months, he would only allow supervised visits, totaling 3 hours together in those 3 months. My children and I share a very close bond, of which their father has always been jealous. Our children wish to keep the peace. They shouldn't be forced to choose which parent to love. It is normal for children to love both their mother and father. They wish to spend more time with me, but they do not want to anger their father. Currently, I have regular unsupervised visitation every other weekend... only because of the court order. This is clearly not in the best interest of the children. When it is time to return to their father, they cry. I tell them to pray that everything will work out for the best, and just to hang in there. Children should never have to experience this kind of pain, or make these kind of choices. I feel so helpless, I wish that there was something that I could do to protect my children. They mean more to me than anything else in the world.
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