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Letters from parents
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My Story : I am 49 years old and today is the first time I have ever heard the term "Parental alienation Syndrome", although I have been witnessing it in my great-nieces for over a year. My two great-nieces are the children of my nephew. He and his wife divorced about 3 years ago, although they continued to live together for another year afterwards. When it became obvious that the relationship was not going to work, the mother (who has only a GED) determined that she had to leave the situation. She did not have a well paying job, so she left the girls in the care of their father (he has a nursing degree with a well paying job). She continued to have visitations with the girls at their father's house. He would not allow the mother to take them home with her. She did not press the issue with him since she was still getting to see the children. However, about a year and a half ago, my nephew met a young girl (he was 32 and she was 18). Within a period of 2 months, he had asked her to marry him, he had stopped all contact between the girls with their mother, and his girlfriend had requested that the girls now call her "Mommy". The oldest child started saying that she didn't want to see or even talk about her real mother (in fact, she started referring to her mother by her given name). The real mother started legal action within 6 months. The case went to mediation. The mediator determined that, since there had been accusations that the mother had previously been diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder, any visitations would be supervised by a child psychologist who had been seeing the oldest child for a couple of years. (The mother's former therapist has since stated that the mother did not suffer from Bi-Polar Disorder, but rather from situational depression.) The child psychologist was, and continues to be, paid by the father. She has even made the statement that he could just take his child to another psychologist if he wanted to. The mother has abided by the supervised visitation since April of this year (twice a month, for 1 hour in the psychologist's office). When the mother asked when she might expect to gain unsupervised visitation, she was not given any specific answer. In November of this year,she started another legal action against the father. To add to the heartbreak of the situation, the grandmother (my sister) saw what was happening in the situation over a year ago. She attempted to reason with her son (the father). He immediately stopped all contact between the grandmother and the granddaughters! The grandmother has co-filed a legal petition with the mother, using "Grandparent's Rights". This is an ongoing situation (mediation will again be employed as the first step of the legal process, hopefully in January or February of 2007). It has broken my heart to see the devestating effects of this syndrome. I have watched the children go from crying inconsolably when their mother had to leave from a visitation 2 years ago, to stating that they want nothing to do with her now. They tell her thay have a "new mommy". The 6 year old stated that it would "confuse" her to have 2 mommies, she wants only the one married to her Daddy. I sincerely hope you can get more of this information out to the general public. I will help any way that I can. Thank-you.
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My Story : This is actually happening to us with my step-daughter, at this moment. We are dealing with a huge contempt of court order with her mom at this time. To our, dismay we knew nothing about parential aliention until it was way too late. My step-daughter started leaking information to her dad and I starting about a year ago, that her mom told her that daddy left them (meaning my step-daughter and her mom) and if he hadnt left they would still be a happy family together. From that point on her stories kept getting worse. My husband's grand-father passed away, and his ex-wife called to say that she would like to attend the funeral. My husband proceeded to tell her this might not be a wise idea, due to the fact that she was not in such good terms with his family members at the time. She then contacted my husband's mom to ask if she could attend and was told that at this time they would rather not have her show. My step-daughter informed us a couple weeks later that her mom told her she prayed for my husband's grandfather every night and that HE would have wanted her to be there because he had always told her she would always be a part of the family even after the divorce. She also informed my step-daughter that it was because of her daddy and her grandparents that she could not show her last respects to the man that she loved dearly, and that her heart was broken because of it. My step-daughter was devastated that her daddy and grandparents would do such a thing to her mom. We informed her that it was an adult situation and that her mom should not have been discussing this with her, but that when she was old enough we would sit down and talk about it. It was also a common trademark with her mom that whenever we would have a special day with our daughter, her mom would make sure to do something with her the very next day, even if it meant taking a day off work to do so. We would never find about special events at school, unless our daughter told us or we would call the school. Our daughter, being 9 years old, would baby talk with her mom all the time saying that it was a "fun" thing they did. They would do this out in public as well. The final breaking point came when our daughter lied to us,twice, in a 2 week period and got spanked by her daddy. No bruises were left and after the spanking took place she sat on her daddy's lap as he explained to her why lying was not tolerated. Two nights later, after being with her mother, I picked her up from school and could immedately tell all was not well. She seemed very nervous and anxious. Upon arriving home I sat down with her and asked what was going on. She said she was scared of daddy and what was going to happen when he got home. When I asked why, she said she thought she was going to get a spanking, she couldnt tell me why she thought she was going to get one, just that she thought she would. She then grabbed her bookbag, put on her and coat and informed me that her mother had told her that she can run away from her daddy and steal his cellphone to call her and she would come pick her up. She also stated that her mother told her it was only a matter of time before she wouldnt have to come over to daddy's at all anymore. Mind you, my step-daughter could not explain why she was so scared of daddy all of a sudden, just that she was. I talked to her until her daddy arrived home from work. We all sat down and had a very long talk. Her daddy informed her that she would only get in trouble if she lied to us and if she understood that and she replied yes. She then started sobbing and spilled her heart out. Her mother had told her not to tell us, but she was seeing a counselour to talk all about daddy and what he does to make her "feel bad." Her mother also told her she should be very scared of daddy and what he was going to do to her. My step-daughter looked like the world was lifted off her shoulders by telling us these things. She said she had never been scared of daddy until her mother told her all the things that he used to do her,meaning her mother, throughout there marriage. My husband again took the high road and let her know that we would discuss all those things when she got older. Through out all this we did not show any display of disdain of what her mother was doing to her. Two days later(after our dauhgter had spent the night with her mother) Children Services showed up at our home, due to the spanking, which had happened a week prior. When we were cleared of that, we were once again visited by Children Services, this time the allegation was daddy was demeaning to our daughter. This report had come from the couselour, whom we were not supposed to know about and had never met. Because it was from someone who had to report to Children Services, they sent our case to the majestrate. We have yet to find out whether we are cleared of that as well. My husbands ex, our daughters mom, then decided to cut us off of any visitation rights with her. She pulled our daughter out of school early 3 times to make sure we could not pick her up, she contacted the school with a note stating that no one on my husbands side of the family was to pick up our daughter. She dropped our daughter from all soccer games at school so that we could not have any contact with her what so ever. Through the many many phone calls to her home, we were always told our daughter did not want to talk to us, she was to scared. We are now going through the court system to try and get our daughter back. The mother asked for continuence, and was granted it but was also informed in the meantime, she had to send her daughter over to her daddys for visitation. It was even under supervision with the person of her choice,since her mother was so concerned about her daughters safety. We got to see our daughter for two hours since that court order. Before the car door even opened we could hear her yell DADDY! through the window. She then ran out of the car full speed and gave her daddy a huge hug and kiss. We videotaped those two hours and our daughter let us know, she never knew we called or tried to contact her. She also stated that she couldnt wait to spend the holidays with us and go on our summer vacation with us. Clearly she had not been informed by her mother that she, her mom, was trying to completly erase daddy from her life altogether. We filed for contempt of court again,but were not able to get in before all the holidays. So many, many things are clear now when its to late and we are fighting with all we have to get our daughter back. Her mother had been brain washing her long before we even knew what was going on.I believe if we had known about PAS before, we wouldn't have let her mother get this far. We are devestated as Thanksgiving and Christmas roll on by and we don't get to share them with our daughter. Our hearts are broken. The "what-ifs" constantly rolling around in our heads. Look for the early signs of PAS in your children and prevent everyone from a complete devestation such as ours.
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My Story : I am the victim of parent alienation. My childrens' father was abusive to them and me when we were married. And like too many terrified women, I did not call the police, because as he said it was all our fault. After many years of therapy I finally got the courage to file for divorce. After filing, all sorts of terrible things started happening to us. People told me that men do this sometimes when they get angry, he'll stop. He frightened the kids so terribly they do not want to see him. He is now using parent alienation against me and the kids. I was told to proceed with extreme caution that if I filed a restraining order that it could be used against me. So he has total free rein to keep terrifying us. How has it come to this? I am sure this is not the orginal intention and I feel it is horrific for parents to alienate another out of spite. I feel that every child deserves two loving parents. But children deserve to feel safe and protected by the court. I am fearful we can not get the protection that they deserve.
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My Story : I am the victim of parent alienation. My childrens' father was abusive to them and me when we were married. And like too many frightened women I did not call the police, beause as he said it was all our fault. After many years of therapy I finally got the courage to file for divorce. After filing, all sorts of terrible things started happening to us. People told me that men do this sometime when they get angry, he'll stop. He frightened the kids so terribly they do not want to see him. He is now using parent alienation against me and the kids. Where is the justice? I was told to proceed with extreme caution that if I filed a restraining order that it could be used against me. So he has total free rein to keep terrifying us. How has it come to this? I am sure this is not the orginal intention and I feel that almost every child deserves two parents, but this is going too far that children can not get the protection that they deserve.
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My Story : I gave birth to three, beautiful daughters. I haven't seen or heard from my three children since 1987 or nearly 20 years ago. My husband filed for divorce when my girls were 11, 14 and 18 years old. But, the emotional and verbal abuse began much earlier. During my marriage of 21 years, he abscounded with 21 years of my retirement, 16 years of severance pay from my Civil Service job and all of my personal and inherited items. He, also, trashed the home in which we lived for 16 years. Nevertheless, the worst and most vicious occurence was the complete and total alienation of my children. Today, I do not even know their whereabouts. Unfortunately, my mother whom is paranoid schitzophrenic and an elder sister combined efforts with my husband to negatively influence and brainwash my three lovely girls. This was all done for their monetary and emotional empowerment. Last year, they directed me to never attempt to contact my girls or to ask anyone else about them or to seek their whereabouts. The first three years, I cried hysterically every weekend--all weekend! Today, the tears are spent so I grieve silently by inwardly telling my God, "It would have been better had I never been born!" Although I live physically, it is as though I am dead emotionally.I've missed 20 years of sharing that which gives life meaning. Moreover, the future looms forbiddenly as I am growing old without knowing my children. I have done nothing to deserve this punishment. and there is nothing in this world that could replace what I have missed--absolutely nothing!
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My son and I are victims of Parental Alienation. My story is pretty scary but what is more scary is what my son had and has to go through is worse. I have decided to start a support group here in Las Vegas, Nevada for parents and children who are going through P.A. Any information that you can send me will greatly help your cause, my cause and the cause of our children. And it would be a delight if you would be able to come to Las Vegas to our event. If you would be interested please let me know and I will give you more details.
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My Story : I have read the book a kidnapped mind, and I'm living the night mare that Pam did. I have two children 7 and 9 living with their father in another town. I am representing myself in court now because I know the truth, I lived the life. My children talk about hating their lives with dad, and wish they were dead. My son now talks about killing his dad when he goes to sleep at night so he doesn't have to go back and see him. Their father is very controlling, and the children are scared of him. They have to say what he says or else. My ex has limited my time with the children. Last year I saw the kids for 1 week all summer long. When I went back to court I got 4 weeks summer Vacations and every other holiday. He tried to stop all access to medical and school records. I now have a court order for those. He is supposed to allow the children to call once a week or when they want. They don't. They have to look up the # or dad tells them he forgets the #. We have always shared joint custody and he's trying to change that right know. I have a court order for a childrens lawyer, but they have screwed that up by not filing on time. My ex is a drinker and a smoker. He's had different women in his life. He found a nice girl, but she could not put up with the drinking, and jealousy. I go back to court on Jan. 23, 2007. I pray every night that my children arent going to be destoyed by something I could have prevented. I stared writing a book last year before I read this book. I had never heard of PAS. I have thousands of court papers that I read over and over and the lies he can tell. He's got to the point that he does not know the truth, and tells his new lawer different stories, but the real story is stated in his motion.
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My Story : My son was falsely convicted last week of this horrific crime. He has tried very hard to make a living for his 2 daughters. He finally got an apartment after all his hard work and saving money, and going to school, even got an intership with social services dept. which landed him a great job in center city, so he could get his own apartment with his new family and that is when they arrested him in July at his place of work. His new daughter turned 3mo old when they arrested him. His ex has Brainwashed his first daughter into telling everyone he touched her. There is no evidence whatsoever, but they made up absurd stories about him dressing in a dress and putting on lipstick. They even went as far as saying that there was a third person that supposedly held a thermometer in her while he touched her. The mother stated it happened on the couch and the child stated it happened in the bedroom. They never even investigated. No one talked with me or my family. Only a coersive statement they used to convict him that was never signed. Nobody ever came to my house to speak with me, his mother,or see how we live. I have always been there for him and my grandaughters. I treat her as my own when she is here at my home, as any mother would do for her grandchildren. We were lucky to see her when ever we did because, the mom had complete control over the times he could have her. Until she got mad at my son because he met someone else and had a new child and a new apartment, something she always wanted to do. This gave her no control over my son and that is when she decided to call the police in March after my son has not seen his daughter since Jan. She even sent a birthday card post dated March 3, because she forgot the last time we acually saw her. This doesnt even make sense. my son moved into his new apartment on Feb 28. He even went to the police in April and turned himself in, in hopes that they would help him with this ridiculous accusation. I live with my husband and adult children and nephew. We only got to visit my grandaughter on the weekend once a month. I cant tell you how this has completely devastated my family, all over a vindictive woman who wanted complete control of my son. I cry every day for him. He has been beaten up in jail by co's and inmates. God help us all !!!! This isn't going to stop now that women know that they can get away with this much easier and with the help of DHS who did not do any investigation whatsoever, and the police department who also did no investagation. We are in for a rude awaking. This must be stopped because it can happen to you.
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My Story : when my kids were 2 and 3 we began the divorce. Between the ages of 2-4 and 3-5 (respectfully) they lived with me for over 70% of the time. She would call (admitedly from the bar)at times around 11 pm demanding to speak with HER children. She would pick them up on say a Tuesday, return them early on Thursday and literally not call or ask to see them for weeks at a time. One night she even said to me "Just because I don't want to be in their lives NOW . . . does'nt mean I won't in the future." Due to the State of Illinois being a NOTORIOUSLY "we hate Dad" state, she was awarded physical custody. In Dec. of 05 she began telling my brother about a man she met online. He was a soldier form our area in Iraq at the time. When he came home for a month long leave,in Feb 06 they were married. At that point my ex-wife began scolding the kids for not reffering to HIM as Daddy. She also demanded that the kids introduce HIM as their Daddy to their friends and TEACHERS at school. My daughter (the oldest) put up the best fight, and would ask me directly if I was the step-daddy like Mommie said. I immediately began "countermeasures" to assure them that I am their father and He is the step-dad. She then switched tactics and began to tell the kids that She and Him were their "family" and that my fiance' and I were not married, and had no PETS ... therefore we were NOT a family. She also has denied me my visitation rights. Its in the Decree that i get the kids every weekend (i had to literally BUY that one by giving her the right to claim both children on her taxes the first year) but i am also supposed to get the option of one night a WEEK in addition to the weekend at MY leisure. I am required to INFORM her that I want the kids 24 hours in advance. However - in 2 years, she has not allowed them to so much as come over for dinner (we all live in a town of 4000 - approx. 9 blocks apart). I have spoken to 2 lawyers and one told me it would be in MY best interest to NOT shake the boat and laeve things alone, being GRATEFULL for my weekends. The other was much more honest - Illinois hates Daddies, would NEVER award a 7 yr old girl to her father - whether he was re-married or not unless i could prove she was an "abusive mother" or I was a victim of Parential Alienation. He then informed me that to do so would cost more than my house, and he frankly did not have the resources available for such a fight. So here i sit, spending the first half of every weekend sorting through the questions my children have for me as to why HE is their Daddy and not me. The middle 8 hours having as much fun as we did when they were too young to remember living 100% with "Becky" and I. And the last 6 hours re-assuring them that they CAN have TWO "families" that love them equally, and that it is OK to call 2 pple "Dad" and 2 pple "Mom" . . . even though mommy yells at them for calling HIM by his real name and referring to "Becky" as Mom.
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My Story : I am the step-mother to a now 16yr old girl. Since my now husband and I have been together (13yrs) we have had to deal with what is now known as parental alienation. My husband since the day she was born. At first bio mom would not allow child to come to visit. Legally my husband was allowed in home visits but bio mom denied these. Not allowing my husband to come onto the property, having verbally abusive guests over at the time of visitaion. Basically, making it very uncomfortable for him to have a positive visit with the child. We have letters the bio mother mailed to us stating such. When the child got older the bio mother started allowing her to come for weekend visits. Without warning or notification, she would come and drop the child off in our driveway, leaving her there and disappearing for the weekend. If we did not take the child home on what she deemed the proper time and date, she would call and theaten us with police action, and also withdrew visitation for months on end. This went on for years until just before Christmas of 2002. We were informed at that time that bio mom was planning to send the child to live with her god parents in a town over 3 hours away. She was not planning on consulting us about the possiblility of such a move. She informed my mother inlaw of this knowing she would immediatly contact us and inform us. We went to court and started immediate procedings to stop this. While in court, bio mom continuously lied to her lawyer and the judge making claims that there was physical abuse from our side, that it was us who did not allow the visits and much more. Even though we had all the horrific letters the bio mom sent to us, a letter from bio mom instructing us to medicate the child with a tylenol, three prerscriptions that were the bio moms. We had letters from doctors and dentists proving negect. Letters from the childs former and present school teachers & principal stating neglect at the hands of the bio mom. We had answering machine messages from the bio mom full of abusive language, hateful remarks. Even a video tape of bio mom belittling my husband and name calling infront of the child and bio moms other children. But the judge would not allow any of the evidence. In fact, after bio mom and her lawyer finished telling the fabricated story and it was our turn to present evidence, the judge refused to even listen to us. My husband got to say "Your honor I love my daughter very much" and that is all. All that happened that day in court was a structured visitation schedule and the child support was tripled. Yet we still are being jerked around by bio mom for visitation. She drops child off when she wants regardless of schedule. At the end of our week visition with child ending Jan 2006 we returned child home on time. Bio mom brought child back after forcing her to strip naked on an uncovered porch, in a -6 snow fall, infront of her step father and 5 other sibblings.They forced the then 15 yr old child to get into a unheated truck wearing thin summer capries, t-shirt, no socks, underware or bra. And they brought her back leaving her in our driveway unannounced. We called CAS, police, spoke to lawyers and in the end bio mom sent police after a week (a week of harrassing calls and threats from her) to pick child up and deliver her home again. There was nothing we could do even though the child did tell what happened. The last time we saw the child was the summer of 2006. The child came for her 2 week summer visit. Informed us upon entering the house that her mother had made arrangements for her to go away the following weekend so she would only stay for a week(this is usuall interferance) On the monday after only 2days into the visit bio mom had called police and told them we had kidnapped the child. We arrived home from a family reunion/pool party to find police at our home. After talking with the child/bio mom via phone & us they came to the conclusion that even though the bio mom was at fault they would take the child home. This was the last straw on a truck lode of others. Bio mom has in the past told the child if we buy her clothes she is not to wear them, not to eat what we make her for dinner, that she doesn't have to listen to anything we say. It was and is very fustrating for us. And even though all reports say never give up, keep fighting in all reality not everyone can afford to keep fighting. Finacially or emotionally. Parental alienation is a very serious form of child abuse and neglect that is not taken seriously in todays goverment or courts. We don't see enough results in the alienating parent being brought to the plate on what they are doing to give anyone hope that they may succeed. So the parent who it is done to feels no choice but to give up and hope that one day the child will understand what is going on.That is where we are right now. Even though we know it is to the childs best interest to ensure she grows up to be a productive member of society that we fight for her we are finacially unable to continue, and our emotional bank is bankrupt. It takes a lot out of the family that is left behind.
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My Story : My husband and his children are victims of Parental Alienation. We did not realize this for a long time until I pulled up this website. My husband and I have been together since 1999. He has 2 girls who, at the time were 4 & 7. He first won temporary custody of his girls in August 1999 then full custody in January of 2000. 11 days after he won custody DEFACS was @ our house becuase his ex accused him of child abuse. She continued these allegations to where DEFACS seemed to be almost a permanent fixture in our home. Every other weekend when she would visit w/the girls they were "grilled" as far as "did you get spanked, is anyone fighting in the house, etc. We have taken enough negative drug screens to fill the Atlantic Ocean. In May of 2003 a superior court judge ordered she only have them on Sundays from 8 - 7, the girls could not spend the night in her home. After DEFACS refused to remove the children time after time due to allegations being unfounded she resorted to more drastic measures, allegations of my husband sexually abusing the girls. so in November 2003 all our children were removed, both girls, my son and our child who was only 21/2 @ the time. All charges in regards to the sexual allegations were ultimately dropped January 17 of 2005 but to this day we are fighting to get our children back. We have gone the whole 9 yards with DEFACS but they placed his girls in her home and she set them up w/a counselor she is friends with...the oldest girl knows her daddy loves her and she wants to see him but DEFACS will not allow it...the younger one hates him due to my husbands ex has turned her against him. All my husband wants is the best for his girls but the turmoil they have been put through is something they will never forget. We just hope one day the actual truth will come out. We have spent our life saving fighting for our children but it always falls on deaf ears!
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My Story : 10 years ago I was faced with financial ruin. I was on food stamps and looked to the father of my child to safequard my child while I went away for three weeks to complete training for a better life for my child. Right before I left he made me sign a paper stating that he would be the residential custodial parent, or he said he would not watch her and I would have to cancel my plans. I had no other recourse. While I was gone, he went to court and said I abondoned my daughter.When I tried to call my daughter my calls were blocked. I came home and had to hire an attorney for an emergency hearing so I could just get visitation. When I finally saw her she said "Mommy I thought you were dead". My frustration for the next five years was my daughter crying every time I dropped her off to her dads house. The neglect she has suffered caused me to call HRS on him many times. When I did have the financial resources to finally get her back she turned on me and told me her father was dying She then started becoming denegrating towards me in private and public during our visitation times. I have had 10 years of enduring her fathers strict visitation schedules and now because he is telling her he is dying she has gone over the top. She slapped me, choked me, and tore her bedroom apart. I had to call the police and they of course arrested her. When I called her father that night I pleaded with him to get her help as I had so many times before. So now it has become so clear that my daughter has endured the worst abuse. The father has initiated the process of a no contact order, enlisted the help of department of children and families. Recently, I have had to hire an attorney to represent me for her allegations of child abuse. Just today my daughter sat in court telling the judge how afraid she is of me, how I abuse her and now I will not be able to see my daugher until this is all resolved.My attorney and I sat dismayed by the dramatics my daugher exhibited in court. I am hurt and frustrated. I thank god that I did call the police that night because maybe she is getting help. I refused to press charges, I only want help for my daughter. As of now, my battle will never end, and my grief is immense.
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My Story : My husbands ex wife started brainwashing his daughter when child support was modified about 2 and 1/2 years ago. My husband had always paid his child support on time, but lost his job. He looked for 4 months before finding another, at a lot less pay. He asked his ex wife if she wouldn't mind helping him out and cutting the amount per month from $700 to $500 until he was on his feet again. She must have forgotten his generosity toward her over the years, such as helping her start her business, cosigning for her house and various loans. She refused to help him out and they went to court. The court ordered that the child support be lowered to $450 a month. Upon that decision she became furious. This is when the parental alienantion started. She was sharing all of the court and financial information with their daughter and convincing her that her father didn't love her because he wasn't paying what he used to. She appealed the decision and took us back to court. She told the judge that she did not want her ex-husbands new child to be a consideration on the child support worksheet. When questioned as to why, she stated "it isn't my fault he has another child". My step daughter's behavior toward our 1 year old son was appalling, she was 14 at the time and was extremely jealous of him. She told her father that all he ever wanted was a son. When the court's second decision came back, they lowered the child support payment to be $55 a month. If she was furious before about $450, imagine what she felt when it came in at $55 a month. My husband was told that he was a terrible father, that he was not allowed to spend time with anyone else when his daughter came to visit, especially our son. After a couple of weeks of that, his ex-wife told him he was pathetic and he would need to make an appointment to see his daughter. He tried to talk to both of them, but the ex wife had convinced her that he was a bad father. A month later, his exwife kicked their daughter out of their home for not agreeing with a statement her mother had suggested. Her mother was so angry, she told her to pack her bags and get out. She lived with us for a year, with very little contact with her mother. After a year, the ex-wife and daughter decided it was time she moved back in with her. This made us extremely nervous because their relationship had suffered some major damage. In the month leading up to this decision, his daughter had started to say he didn't love her enough again, they didn't do enough together, our family vacations were bad because others were involved (meaning me, our son and my daughter), etc. Understand that my husband ran around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to do stuff with her. He coached her softball team, he took her to professional sport games, out to dinner, to movies, shopping, just them, one on one time very frequently. He showed to any and all activites she had. Her mother refused to come to her softball games because she was convinced their daughter only played to keep her father happy, again more brainwashing. But his daughter was once again convinced that her father was the bad guy. She moved back in with her mother and has since been to visit us 2x's for 1 to 2 week visits. When she is here everything is tense because no one knows how to act around her because we are all so afraid of her taking any action to mean that she isn't loved. During her last stay she manipulated my husband into giving her money because her statement again was "you don't show me you love me, most Dad's give their daughters money every now and then". He would have no problem giving her some spending money every now and then, she would just have to ask, not manipulate the situation with guilt. We remain on the sidelines hoping that she will stop playing her mother's game and form an opinion of her own, but the likelihood of that happening is probably very rare since the last time she spoke up to her mother, she was kicked out of her home for a year. I feel very sorry for my husband, my son and my stepdaughter. There was such a closeness before the child support revision and it has been torn to shreds because of this woman's anger, hatred and greed. I wish my step daughter could just enjoy her father as she used to. I wish she could also enjoy her brother and get to know him. He will soon be 4 and usually doesn't want anything to do with her when she is at our home. Any attempt my husband has of talking to his daughter about her feelings, usually blows up and you can tell every word out of her mouth has been programmed. It is a very sad situation.
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My Story : It all started 11 years ago. My beautiful son was born. His mother refused to put me on his birth certificate. Instead of me she put her ex husband on the birth certificate so her 2 of 3 children could share their last names. She filed domestic abuse charges on me after she moved out of my house. She lost because we proved nothing happened and she continuously lied on the stand. From then on,if I gave her money I could see him, if I didn't have money I couldn't. About 3 years ago I finally got a court order for every other weekend and every other holiday. I still have only seen my son 8 weekends in the past 3 years. She tells my son I don't love him when I won't pay for sports. This is untrue. Of course I will pay for sports if his grades are above C's like my other 2 children. I have rules established at my house for my children and all the kids have the same consequences. She has turned my son against me. She says that he shouldn't have to go by the same rules as my other children because he's not here all the time. My son fabricates horrible stories about my wife and me, to get his mother to spend time with him. His mother is not home much and he is being raised by an 87 year old grandparent that has end stages of emphazema. This man is taking care of 2 teenagers and an eleven yr old. My son has alot of fun at my house, I taught him about welding. We build campfires together in the back yard. We do stuff together. His mother tells him that if I don't take him to movies and chuckie cheeses every time that I don't want to spend time with him. I want my time to count with him teaching him stuff and doing activities that help him learn something. I do not set him up in front of video games and let his brain rot all weekend. My boy is 11 since he hasn't been coming to see me he has gained an enormous amount of weight, and has a terrible time in school. He is in 5 th grade and wears a 33inch waist pants and is only 75 inches tall. After everything I have read these are signs of mental abuse. Thanks for listening hope it helps.
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My Story : After nine years of substance abuse, sex and pornography addition, anger, control, abuse and manipulation, I finally decided to leave my husband. We separated 3 years ago, and the divorce was final 2 years ago. During the divorce process of nearly a year, my ex-husband tried desperately to keep the marriage together. He stalked me, harassed me and my entire family, even our three children. He signed the divorce papers only a few days before the court hearing. Since he was unsuccessful at proving that I was a bad mother, he tried to turn the children against me. He had them spy on me and report to him everything I did, and who I did it with. He would then either exaggerate every little detail of my life or simply make something up. In the last 2 years I have suffered with severe depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress. The children displayed behavioral problems and were diagnosed with post-traumatic stress and separation anxiety. All three children have attended partial-care, one-on-one counseling, and had psycho-social rehab workers to help them through this transition. In May 2006, I nearly died from an overdose of barbiturates and alcohol. The children have been living with their father since then. I have successfully recovered and am ready to bring the children home again, but he is fighting me for full custody. For the first 3 months, he would only allow supervised visits, totaling 3 hours together in those 3 months. My children and I share a very close bond, of which their father has always been jealous. Our children wish to keep the peace. They shouldn't be forced to choose which parent to love. It is normal for children to love both their mother and father. They wish to spend more time with me, but they do not want to anger their father. Currently, I have regular unsupervised visitation every other weekend... only because of the court order. This is clearly not in the best interest of the children. When it is time to return to their father, they cry. I tell them to pray that everything will work out for the best, and just to hang in there. Children should never have to experience this kind of pain, or make these kind of choices. I feel so helpless, I wish that there was something that I could do to protect my children. They mean more to me than anything else in the world.
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My Story : November 5, 2006 To the editors and reporters. I am writing because I am dealing with the myth of deadbeat dad. Here are some interesting fact and then about my situation. According to the Census Bureau, only 10 percent of non-custodial fathers fall into the "deadbeat dad" category. Fathers with joint custody pay 90.2 percent of all child support ordered. Those with visitation rights pay 79.1 percent of all child support ordered. Forty-four percent of those with no visitation rights support their children financially. Which is to say, the deadbeat-dad problem isn't quite the plague we've been led to believe it is. Parents who abandon their children are the worst kind of skunks. But spending $4.5 million of taxpayers' money to collect $162,000 of somebody else's plainly stinks. I met this woman back in 2004 and we got together and she got pregnant. This lady lives about 100 miles from me. When she fist told me, I was shocked but happy. She threatened me to give up my right. We tried to work things out but then there were some red flags that made me wonder if it was mine and wanted a test. She was ok with it until our daughter was born and then she decides not to give me one unless it was through her doctor or the state. The state did one and the results didn't come out until April 2005. Since then, I have been trying to get my daughter in my life and her mother has been making it difficult. What makes it so hard, her mother owns 2 drug treatment centers, has 2 homes and a lot of money and connections. I am struggling and have to pay $328 a month in child support and find very little support. My daughter's mother is claiming that I have threatened her that I haven't been around, and that I'm trying to find any excuse to get out of my obligation and that I am only doing this for the money. As far as child support goes, I never had a problem supporting my daughter. I just didn't want to be in the system because it's unfair. Now when the child support order came out, I was earning $13/hr and my payment came out to be $328. But when I got another job to keep my sanity I was earning $10.50/hr. In the year that I been there, I am only earning $11.40/hr. I asked for a reduction in payment due to change of income and I was denied. I am trying for it again. According to guidelines, my payment should be something like $256 a month. My daughter's mother claims she has no income although she earns more money than me under the table. I also pay $300/month for health insurance, which is supposed to be taken off on my payment, but they also refuse to adjust this as well. So I am working 2 additional jobs just to barely get by. Now with all the back and forth we agreed to go into mediation in June of 2006. In mediation we agreed to let the past be and focus on what is the best interest of our daughter. I agreed to be supervised for a number of visits and then I get her if I prove myself. We also agreed to look at the custody issue in June of 2007 if I make a serious effort to be in my daughter's life. Well I fulfilled all of my requirements and was able to take my daughter to my apartment and things were going decent with a few things here and there until October. On the 7th of October after I returned my daughter to her mother, I let her know my schedule and that it will be a 50/50 chance that I will be able to see her at the end of the month and that I will contact her around the 21. I did contact her on the 23 and she didn't return my message until the 26 to schedule a visit on the 28th. On the 26th she told me she didn't have access to a vehicle and that I will have to pick her up and drop her off in the same day. That's 400 miles of driving. I agreed on the condition that I can drop her off the next day. She said she would have to think about it because of the amount of time we would spend together. Then on the 28th she got back to me and said no because she got a diaper rash during her last visit with me and she felt I am not doing a good job. Then on November 2 I asked about having her on the 4th but she said that she will need to check out my apartment to make sure there were no drugs in there and that she needs my address again because she lost it. I told her ok only if I can have her address and can see what kind of environment that my daughter is being raised in. She refused stating that she fears for her life and that I am not allowed to know where she lives,although there is no court order or restraining order in place. Bottom line -I agree with child support but I do think it is unfair when our society is willing to looked down on men but at the same time there are no consequences for the women that don't allow the men that want to be fathers to be a part of their childrens lives. I would like to give up my rights so that my daughter doesn't have to be in the middle but I am not allowed to do that. I also believe that if a woman can't support the child and won't work with the man she chooses to sleep with when the man is perfectly fit to be a parent, then that woman should be forced to either work with the man if she needs support or be forced to give up the kid because there are many out there that want kids but can't have them.
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Parental Alienation:
Alot of people do not know what parental alienation is. Parental Alientation is where one parent will try to do everything they can to alienate their child from the other parent. They think that they are getting back at the other parent for a messy divorce for cheating or simply not wanting to be married to them anymore. What ever the case may be Parental Alienation is very harmful to the child. Let me give you a case in hand.
I came out in 1998 and we divorced. I would not give up my rights to our son so my ex-wife lied about me to the cops and told them that I put a gun to her head. After everything was said and done I served 40 months in prison.
While I was in prison my ex-wife refused to let our son write me or have any contact with me. Infact she was so malicious that she told our son that I was dead and that I tried to kill her. When I got out of prison she tried to accuse me of child pornography and told my son that she gave him a cell phone in case I tried to kidnap him.
Though this did hurt me and upset me because she was so mad that I was gay, when the fact was she knew that I was gay before we married. But she thought she could change me. How many of us have heard the same thing?
My son and I are now getting back together and we are beginning to be happy as we once were, but he has suffered a lot of trauma because of his mothers actions.
People who commit parental alienation do not realize the harm they are causing their children. Please we must get together for our childrens sake for what ever reason and force the courts to recognize the harm that parental alienation is causing our children.
I thank you and so do your children
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My Story : I live with my girl friend and as a victim of HAP have had a restraining order served against me for false allegations of stalking and domestic abuse even though I haven't lived with my wife for almost a year now.She feels that whatever she says is how it's going to be whether she has court orders or not,and she has refused me parenting time on numerous occasions even after there has been orders for parenting time entered by the court.I still have problems getting the ordered parenting time and would love to have this matter resolved.I think the fact that I have moved on with my life and have found someone who I love very much and plan to marry has made her jealous and is resorting to this controlling behaviour to keep me from being happy.She has become a lesbian and as such can not marry the person she is in love with so I believe she is using this as a way to get back at me.She will not follow the time span the court has ordered and some days will not let me see him at all.
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My Story : My wife ran away with our five year old child. I don't know where they are. I think they may have gone to women's shelter. This has happened before when she was feeling overwhelmed with financial problems, her drinking, anniversary of her mother's death the holidays, basically any stressful time. My wife is probably manic-depressive and definitely an alcoholic. She wants to get sober but claims she can't do it with me around. I was always supportive of her getting the help she needs. She said she wanted to go to an inpatient program but was afraid I'd use it against her. I don't know what that means. Paranoid thinking due to her state of mental health fuels that kind of thinking. I assume that she told the people at the shelter that she and our child are not safe at home. That is completely untrue and she knows it. She has found a way to manipulate the system to keep our child from me. While some shelter will take a message to post on a board while not confirming or denying if the woman is staying there others will not take any messages. This has happened enough before that she knows not to call her family or friends because they won't support this behavior. When she does talk to them she often gets hostile and blames me for turning them against her. Then she tells me I have no right to talk to her family. Every time this happens I wonder what effect it has on our child. He's old enough to understand why women and children go to shelters. I'm afraid that taking him to shelters is reinforcing whatever she tells him about me. I blame my self for believing her when she said she'd never do it again. Now I have to make sure it doesn't.
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My Story : Every night when I get home from work I look up parental alienation. I never knew such a thing existed until 6 months ago. That was when my 14 year old daughter, my youngest, stopped speaking to me. If there is any benefit to reading my situation it is got directly back to the courts. I did not, I did not understand what was going on. My ex was abused as a child and is still getting back at me because of this. As crazy as it sound, He once looked at me and said I was his father with tits. His father was the abuser. The divorce was 18 months ago and my oldest daughter who at the time of the divorce was 16,was told by her dad that he was going to try to get custody so he does not have to pay child support. She had been physically and emotionally abused by him for years and that was the icing on the cake. We had joint custody and she was so upset that all she was to him was money that she did not spend anytime with him. My ex had a girl friend and everything was going well but I did notice that my youngest made odd comments . One evening I was cooking dinner , she said I don't do anything for her. Another time she said my house is so clean she can not stand it. I let the comments go, not realizing it was brainwashing. My ex promised my youngest all sorts of things he can not guarantee. But she believes it. She has not spent any time with me except a few visits and never returns my calls. My ex filed for a change of custody now that my older daughter does not enter into this mix. I am looking for an attorney in the MD area that is famiiar with PAS. One attorney I spoke with said he has not seen PAS in a child my daughters age, she is now 15. My heart breaks and I never lost a child due to death but this hurt has got to feel similar.
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My Story : I am currently writing two books, one for my son who just turned 18 this past month, and a complete, detailed publication of my entire journey and court battle - in an effort to aid professionals and families dealing with PAS. I have not seen my son, outside of the child psychologist's office, for two years now. The court appointed psychologist has labeled the situation as "parental alienation," recognizing that PAS (...SYNDROME) has not been established yet as a DSM diagnosis. Due to my son's age, we are limited with getting the help for him that he needs, which is why I have chosen to write a book for him - filled with only positive information that will address some of the battles that he will face as a result of pretending that his mother does not exist. I appreciate your efforts in addressing this tragic reality that has devastated the lives of so many families - especially innocent children that will be affected in many ways without professional counseling. |
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My Story : I am a 37 years old woman living in Norway with my two daughters, and my fince who is originaly from England. We haw lived togetter for 7 years now. the first year he hadnt seen his kids for a long time, but were able to get acces to visiting them after a long period of arguing. It went allright the first couple of year. they came end stayed with us in norway.But all the time it had to be on her (his ex)terms. Kids had to phone home twice a day, and it was wery stressful for the kids at times. But it was always great to see how the love flurished between dad and the girls. The girls started to get attatched to me and my girls as well, and showed signs that they wanted to spend more time with us. His ex started to make trubble about little things that could easily be solved by talking, but she phoned us up when she was drunk screaming and yelling draging thing way out of proportions. When we were in England to see the girls we used to stay at his sisters house, who was a great ount for the girls, and they loved it there. Everytime my fiance went to England Witch was about 3-5 times a year, it ended up being some kind of trubble out of nothing. The ex didnt care if she got the girls envolved, she could keep them up late at night and used them to phone their dad up asking him why he was so mean to theire mother. when his ex wants something she wants it yesterday, her way or the highway. There was one thing after another she used against him, mostly money issuce, and due to her very extreme behaviur when she couldnt haw things her way she ended up insulting must of his family, me, my kids and everybody that didnt agree with her. Some of us lost our temper when provocted by her irrasional behavior and spoke our mine witch resulted in her denying us any contact with the kids. After a period she would say that we could see the kids, but by then she had worked the kids mine so they belived that we were all terrible people and they didnt want to haw any more to do with us. After several years of targeting one by one it was my fiances turn this summer. the aldest daughter was 18 and started working, my fiance wanted to cut down on the money he sends every mounth witch is normal in that situation. For once he didnt give in to her demands, screams and threts. So no he is denide contact with them, and she has convinced the girls that he doesnt love them and manage to turn them all against him as well. When he tryed to talk with the girls all they did was screaming and saying excact the same thing as there mother. My fiance is hartbroken at the moment, emotionally warn out by this ongoing battle and ready to give up on his kids since he cant be doing with all this emotionally rollercoster he has been thru for so many years. Until I found a lot about parental alienation on thenet he didnt see much hope. Now we are reading more about it and starting to feel there is something we can do. Like not give up on the kids, corse they are the big loosers in this crazy one way war she has declared. There should be more awarness about this, corse there is so much of this going on around us. And there is the innocent part who is paying the price. The children! It his killing me to see that 4 people who relly loves eachother cant be together due to one womans sick behavor.
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My Story : 10 years ago my then wife and I agreed divorce was the only option for our marriage. We had a peacefull seperation and 5 years later she re-married. Our children had a difficult time with her new husband and his child. I always said to them "you must learn to talk to your mom about your problems within your household, I can't get involved". It's not that there was anything wrong they just didn't like all the changes. I fully supported my ex wife in her new marriage as I thought her husband was a good guy and a good influence for my kids. 8 years after our seperation I met my new wife. After we were engaged things turned bad. My kids started to complain about their life with me to my ex. Instead of handling it as I had my ex took the side of the kids and started comiserating with the kids. Long story short, I have not seen my son in 2 years or my daughter for 1 year. I have never stoped paying support, in fact I tried to re-gain my access through the courts and ended up having my support payments doubled. I never complained about the money I just wanted my kids in my life. The courts would not inforce the counsling I requested for my kids because of their ages (at the time son 12 and daughter 14),now 14 ad 16. I feel I have hit a brick wall and have no tool to break through. All of these events over the past 2 years have nearly destroyed me. The stress and constant worring have taken a large toll on my health. I am now being treated for depression and find life in general to be a constant struggle. I can't put into words the depth of sadness, loss, misery that has enveloped my life. I awake every day and realize this nightmare isn't a dream, This is really happening to me. My family and friends have always known how I valued my relationship with my kids and to be honest I was quite sure I was a teriffic parent. Now I find myself full of doubt, did I try hard enough, long enough. I feel like my kids have been kidnapped and I now they are alive but I can't get to them no matter how I try. The worst part is I can't even negociate to get them back. The harder I try the worse it gets. My relationship is now only through e-mail, I write and nothing comes back. My ex has convinced my children I am a bad person not worthy of their love. Every day I feel more hopeless. There is no bounds to how many people are affected by PAS ,new marriages, family friends, grandparents, the list goes on, as does PAS.... Even if this problem can be solved I will never get the last 2 years back. I have heard my son has grown 1-1/2 feet and my daughter will graduate high school this year. To miss out on even one day of a childs life is to much. I have been through alot in my 42 years of life, nothing can compare to this. It seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel, just more darkness.
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My Story : I am the mother of a 14 and 1/2 year old son. I left his father due to domestic violence when my son was 11. We had shared custody -week about for 6 months. I had always had a very good relationship with my son though my x husbands controlling dominating behaviour had affected my ability to parent my son as I would have wished. I allowed my son to go with his father overseas during the school holidays and on his return he asked to live with his father. After a few weeks i agreed knowing a child of 12 legally has a choice. I said ok but it would take a month to arrange via my solicitor. My son went to spend the usual week with his father and never returned. His father said he wasnt going to make him do anything he didnt want to do and he didnt want to see me. That was in Feb 2004. I did everything I could legally to get contact. The court ordered a family report and a 20 page report by a well known Australian Child Psychiatrist, Brent Waters, absolutely damned the father in alienating my son and recommended if the father was not supportive of a programme to re establish the mother and child relationship then he should not be allowed to see my son for a period of 6 months until we had opportunity to do this. Unfortunately no court in this country would be likely to make such an order and the court had also appointed a Child Representative and although entirely sympathetic of my situation they came to court recommending 'No Contact' as they said the child was so adamantly opposed to it. So I agreed to terms of counselling with my son, who did not attend with me, and gradual introduction of 3 hrs /fourtnight at mcdonalds where my son went from table to table or the toilets, so at the Child Representatives request I gave up even that opportunity . Apart from those few times Ive had no real contact with my son for 2 1/2 years. His father changed his school so I dont know any of the parents or friends and he dosent see any friends that know me. My son has no contact with any of my family and as his fathers relatives are overseas, his only contact is with his father. I could never have imagined the extent to which I have been alienated from my son. The courts are seemingly powerless to uphold any orders dispite this having such a detrimental longterm effect on the child.
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My Story : Child Support. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my story. Here's my situation: I paid great until the middle of this year and I had a terrible car wreck, and I became homeless for about 4 months. I got behind about $1000.00 during this period. The prosecutor and judge are very wicked and they do not care what happened to me (they actually said that). I am back to work now (end of Oct). I am making just barely poverty wages. I have to go back to court on Wednesday NOV 1 and I was supposed to make two payments of $203.00 plus $40.00 towards arrearage. I have a couple of days left and I just now am started to getting paid. The judge told me she would give me an unlimited jail term if this was not done. I am screwed and tore all to pieces. I would rather die than go through this horrible nightmare. That's one way to make it all stop. One child has been 18 for 6 months, does not attend school, and does not live with custodial parent and I am still having to pay for her. This woman is soon to be ex wife's sister. She has custody of two children and a third one that is not mine, but that I have raised her until she was 6 years old. I love my children and this woman is mean to me and to them and she cares not about any of us and she is keeping me in court and in trouble and worried and not working with me to see the children. She has brainwashed all the children to hate me now. There mother is a drug addict and she lost custody of them, but this evil sister still lets them go and stay with their mother 3 or 4 days per week, and the sister is not even present at home most of the time, and is doing subtle emotional damage to them. I am a smart, good man, and I would do anything to make all of this right. These evil women make it impossible and they have too much power. It is a nightmare. Please help me. I'm a professional Web Developer. I pay for a 16 year old son that I adopted and who was stolen from me and an 18 year old daughter who by law I am not supposed to be paying for. There is a little one who loves me the most and she is not even mine. She hurts every night missing her daddy. Her evil caretakers and the law try to keep us apart, and they punish me and the children for doing what comes natural and what is our God-given right, to be a family. If you could talk to me and know me, you would know that I have owned several small businesses and have the potential to make millions per year. I have done it in the past. I am a godly man who seeks deep after the truths about God, the universe and ME. I am deeply passionate and I care for people so, so much. I am heartbroken over my children, and me and them are both scarred from this nightmare. We need to heal and these dark people that watch over my children and suffocate them are blocking any good that could happen. To me the subtle neglect and injustice of a child is the worst form of abuse possible and is a wrong and hurtful control of their innocent minds. The breaking of father child bonds is one of the worst curses on this earth. Read the last verse in the old testament and see how bad it is. See how important this one this is to the creator of the universe. This treatment brings nightmarish heartbreaking pain to all involved, mainly the children and father. This subtle torture is no different than Hitler keeping innocent Jews in concentration camps. The current family law system mingled with dark minded lower conscious custodial Jezebel-like female parents that do not truly love the children or anyone for that matter are creating a lose-lose situation and a hell-like situation for the children and for fairly normal decent lower middle class fathers who all really love the children. This is the greatest injustice in the world. I weep for the children. I could try and speak for them, but I am just a deadbeat no-body to them, and they would love to just do away with me by putting me in a dark jail, which does no good for anyone. This nightmare has broken me into only a depressed broken person and I honestly can't bear this anymore. I can't focus on work and I am becoming increasingly disturbed by all of this. How do I hold it all together? I have a new family now that I love too, and I stand to lose both families, and all that I love, especially my freedom! What can I do? I can't do anything, can I? Do I shed my blood for them? Will that cause it all to stop? Do I just go and say imprison me for the rest of my days, and leave me be! Do I get in my car and drive to the ends of the Earth and become a hermit for my days left? Do I go to the dark side and do voodoo on the evil ones. (I love the light too much and I wouldn't really do this, thought it might create some universal justice.) I have been tortured terribly by these judges and parents in the past and it causes great fear to come on me. I know my God is watching over all of this, but why does he not help me? I honestly love my children and they love me very much. I miss them and I want to be their father more than anything the world. I want to do the right thing. Anyway, that is my story. I thank you for anything you can do. At least pray for these are truly perilous times, and I do not see how we will overcome!
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