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Letters from parents
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My Story : My husband and his children are victims of Parental Alienation. We did not realize this for a long time until I pulled up this website. My husband and I have been together since 1999. He has 2 girls who, at the time were 4 & 7. He first won temporary custody of his girls in August 1999 then full custody in January of 2000. 11 days after he won custody DEFACS was @ our house becuase his ex accused him of child abuse. She continued these allegations to where DEFACS seemed to be almost a permanent fixture in our home. Every other weekend when she would visit w/the girls they were "grilled" as far as "did you get spanked, is anyone fighting in the house, etc. We have taken enough negative drug screens to fill the Atlantic Ocean. In May of 2003 a superior court judge ordered she only have them on Sundays from 8 - 7, the girls could not spend the night in her home. After DEFACS refused to remove the children time after time due to allegations being unfounded she resorted to more drastic measures, allegations of my husband sexually abusing the girls. so in November 2003 all our children were removed, both girls, my son and our child who was only 21/2 @ the time. All charges in regards to the sexual allegations were ultimately dropped January 17 of 2005 but to this day we are fighting to get our children back. We have gone the whole 9 yards with DEFACS but they placed his girls in her home and she set them up w/a counselor she is friends with...the oldest girl knows her daddy loves her and she wants to see him but DEFACS will not allow it...the younger one hates him due to my husbands ex has turned her against him. All my husband wants is the best for his girls but the turmoil they have been put through is something they will never forget. We just hope one day the actual truth will come out. We have spent our life saving fighting for our children but it always falls on deaf ears!
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My Story : 10 years ago I was faced with financial ruin. I was on food stamps and looked to the father of my child to safequard my child while I went away for three weeks to complete training for a better life for my child. Right before I left he made me sign a paper stating that he would be the residential custodial parent, or he said he would not watch her and I would have to cancel my plans. I had no other recourse. While I was gone, he went to court and said I abondoned my daughter.When I tried to call my daughter my calls were blocked. I came home and had to hire an attorney for an emergency hearing so I could just get visitation. When I finally saw her she said "Mommy I thought you were dead". My frustration for the next five years was my daughter crying every time I dropped her off to her dads house. The neglect she has suffered caused me to call HRS on him many times. When I did have the financial resources to finally get her back she turned on me and told me her father was dying She then started becoming denegrating towards me in private and public during our visitation times. I have had 10 years of enduring her fathers strict visitation schedules and now because he is telling her he is dying she has gone over the top. She slapped me, choked me, and tore her bedroom apart. I had to call the police and they of course arrested her. When I called her father that night I pleaded with him to get her help as I had so many times before. So now it has become so clear that my daughter has endured the worst abuse. The father has initiated the process of a no contact order, enlisted the help of department of children and families. Recently, I have had to hire an attorney to represent me for her allegations of child abuse. Just today my daughter sat in court telling the judge how afraid she is of me, how I abuse her and now I will not be able to see my daugher until this is all resolved.My attorney and I sat dismayed by the dramatics my daugher exhibited in court. I am hurt and frustrated. I thank god that I did call the police that night because maybe she is getting help. I refused to press charges, I only want help for my daughter. As of now, my battle will never end, and my grief is immense.
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My Story : My husbands ex wife started brainwashing his daughter when child support was modified about 2 and 1/2 years ago. My husband had always paid his child support on time, but lost his job. He looked for 4 months before finding another, at a lot less pay. He asked his ex wife if she wouldn't mind helping him out and cutting the amount per month from $700 to $500 until he was on his feet again. She must have forgotten his generosity toward her over the years, such as helping her start her business, cosigning for her house and various loans. She refused to help him out and they went to court. The court ordered that the child support be lowered to $450 a month. Upon that decision she became furious. This is when the parental alienantion started. She was sharing all of the court and financial information with their daughter and convincing her that her father didn't love her because he wasn't paying what he used to. She appealed the decision and took us back to court. She told the judge that she did not want her ex-husbands new child to be a consideration on the child support worksheet. When questioned as to why, she stated "it isn't my fault he has another child". My step daughter's behavior toward our 1 year old son was appalling, she was 14 at the time and was extremely jealous of him. She told her father that all he ever wanted was a son. When the court's second decision came back, they lowered the child support payment to be $55 a month. If she was furious before about $450, imagine what she felt when it came in at $55 a month. My husband was told that he was a terrible father, that he was not allowed to spend time with anyone else when his daughter came to visit, especially our son. After a couple of weeks of that, his ex-wife told him he was pathetic and he would need to make an appointment to see his daughter. He tried to talk to both of them, but the ex wife had convinced her that he was a bad father. A month later, his exwife kicked their daughter out of their home for not agreeing with a statement her mother had suggested. Her mother was so angry, she told her to pack her bags and get out. She lived with us for a year, with very little contact with her mother. After a year, the ex-wife and daughter decided it was time she moved back in with her. This made us extremely nervous because their relationship had suffered some major damage. In the month leading up to this decision, his daughter had started to say he didn't love her enough again, they didn't do enough together, our family vacations were bad because others were involved (meaning me, our son and my daughter), etc. Understand that my husband ran around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to do stuff with her. He coached her softball team, he took her to professional sport games, out to dinner, to movies, shopping, just them, one on one time very frequently. He showed to any and all activites she had. Her mother refused to come to her softball games because she was convinced their daughter only played to keep her father happy, again more brainwashing. But his daughter was once again convinced that her father was the bad guy. She moved back in with her mother and has since been to visit us 2x's for 1 to 2 week visits. When she is here everything is tense because no one knows how to act around her because we are all so afraid of her taking any action to mean that she isn't loved. During her last stay she manipulated my husband into giving her money because her statement again was "you don't show me you love me, most Dad's give their daughters money every now and then". He would have no problem giving her some spending money every now and then, she would just have to ask, not manipulate the situation with guilt. We remain on the sidelines hoping that she will stop playing her mother's game and form an opinion of her own, but the likelihood of that happening is probably very rare since the last time she spoke up to her mother, she was kicked out of her home for a year. I feel very sorry for my husband, my son and my stepdaughter. There was such a closeness before the child support revision and it has been torn to shreds because of this woman's anger, hatred and greed. I wish my step daughter could just enjoy her father as she used to. I wish she could also enjoy her brother and get to know him. He will soon be 4 and usually doesn't want anything to do with her when she is at our home. Any attempt my husband has of talking to his daughter about her feelings, usually blows up and you can tell every word out of her mouth has been programmed. It is a very sad situation.
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My Story : It all started 11 years ago. My beautiful son was born. His mother refused to put me on his birth certificate. Instead of me she put her ex husband on the birth certificate so her 2 of 3 children could share their last names. She filed domestic abuse charges on me after she moved out of my house. She lost because we proved nothing happened and she continuously lied on the stand. From then on,if I gave her money I could see him, if I didn't have money I couldn't. About 3 years ago I finally got a court order for every other weekend and every other holiday. I still have only seen my son 8 weekends in the past 3 years. She tells my son I don't love him when I won't pay for sports. This is untrue. Of course I will pay for sports if his grades are above C's like my other 2 children. I have rules established at my house for my children and all the kids have the same consequences. She has turned my son against me. She says that he shouldn't have to go by the same rules as my other children because he's not here all the time. My son fabricates horrible stories about my wife and me, to get his mother to spend time with him. His mother is not home much and he is being raised by an 87 year old grandparent that has end stages of emphazema. This man is taking care of 2 teenagers and an eleven yr old. My son has alot of fun at my house, I taught him about welding. We build campfires together in the back yard. We do stuff together. His mother tells him that if I don't take him to movies and chuckie cheeses every time that I don't want to spend time with him. I want my time to count with him teaching him stuff and doing activities that help him learn something. I do not set him up in front of video games and let his brain rot all weekend. My boy is 11 since he hasn't been coming to see me he has gained an enormous amount of weight, and has a terrible time in school. He is in 5 th grade and wears a 33inch waist pants and is only 75 inches tall. After everything I have read these are signs of mental abuse. Thanks for listening hope it helps.
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My Story : After nine years of substance abuse, sex and pornography addition, anger, control, abuse and manipulation, I finally decided to leave my husband. We separated 3 years ago, and the divorce was final 2 years ago. During the divorce process of nearly a year, my ex-husband tried desperately to keep the marriage together. He stalked me, harassed me and my entire family, even our three children. He signed the divorce papers only a few days before the court hearing. Since he was unsuccessful at proving that I was a bad mother, he tried to turn the children against me. He had them spy on me and report to him everything I did, and who I did it with. He would then either exaggerate every little detail of my life or simply make something up. In the last 2 years I have suffered with severe depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress. The children displayed behavioral problems and were diagnosed with post-traumatic stress and separation anxiety. All three children have attended partial-care, one-on-one counseling, and had psycho-social rehab workers to help them through this transition. In May 2006, I nearly died from an overdose of barbiturates and alcohol. The children have been living with their father since then. I have successfully recovered and am ready to bring the children home again, but he is fighting me for full custody. For the first 3 months, he would only allow supervised visits, totaling 3 hours together in those 3 months. My children and I share a very close bond, of which their father has always been jealous. Our children wish to keep the peace. They shouldn't be forced to choose which parent to love. It is normal for children to love both their mother and father. They wish to spend more time with me, but they do not want to anger their father. Currently, I have regular unsupervised visitation every other weekend... only because of the court order. This is clearly not in the best interest of the children. When it is time to return to their father, they cry. I tell them to pray that everything will work out for the best, and just to hang in there. Children should never have to experience this kind of pain, or make these kind of choices. I feel so helpless, I wish that there was something that I could do to protect my children. They mean more to me than anything else in the world.
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My Story : November 5, 2006 To the editors and reporters. I am writing because I am dealing with the myth of deadbeat dad. Here are some interesting fact and then about my situation. According to the Census Bureau, only 10 percent of non-custodial fathers fall into the "deadbeat dad" category. Fathers with joint custody pay 90.2 percent of all child support ordered. Those with visitation rights pay 79.1 percent of all child support ordered. Forty-four percent of those with no visitation rights support their children financially. Which is to say, the deadbeat-dad problem isn't quite the plague we've been led to believe it is. Parents who abandon their children are the worst kind of skunks. But spending $4.5 million of taxpayers' money to collect $162,000 of somebody else's plainly stinks. I met this woman back in 2004 and we got together and she got pregnant. This lady lives about 100 miles from me. When she fist told me, I was shocked but happy. She threatened me to give up my right. We tried to work things out but then there were some red flags that made me wonder if it was mine and wanted a test. She was ok with it until our daughter was born and then she decides not to give me one unless it was through her doctor or the state. The state did one and the results didn't come out until April 2005. Since then, I have been trying to get my daughter in my life and her mother has been making it difficult. What makes it so hard, her mother owns 2 drug treatment centers, has 2 homes and a lot of money and connections. I am struggling and have to pay $328 a month in child support and find very little support. My daughter's mother is claiming that I have threatened her that I haven't been around, and that I'm trying to find any excuse to get out of my obligation and that I am only doing this for the money. As far as child support goes, I never had a problem supporting my daughter. I just didn't want to be in the system because it's unfair. Now when the child support order came out, I was earning $13/hr and my payment came out to be $328. But when I got another job to keep my sanity I was earning $10.50/hr. In the year that I been there, I am only earning $11.40/hr. I asked for a reduction in payment due to change of income and I was denied. I am trying for it again. According to guidelines, my payment should be something like $256 a month. My daughter's mother claims she has no income although she earns more money than me under the table. I also pay $300/month for health insurance, which is supposed to be taken off on my payment, but they also refuse to adjust this as well. So I am working 2 additional jobs just to barely get by. Now with all the back and forth we agreed to go into mediation in June of 2006. In mediation we agreed to let the past be and focus on what is the best interest of our daughter. I agreed to be supervised for a number of visits and then I get her if I prove myself. We also agreed to look at the custody issue in June of 2007 if I make a serious effort to be in my daughter's life. Well I fulfilled all of my requirements and was able to take my daughter to my apartment and things were going decent with a few things here and there until October. On the 7th of October after I returned my daughter to her mother, I let her know my schedule and that it will be a 50/50 chance that I will be able to see her at the end of the month and that I will contact her around the 21. I did contact her on the 23 and she didn't return my message until the 26 to schedule a visit on the 28th. On the 26th she told me she didn't have access to a vehicle and that I will have to pick her up and drop her off in the same day. That's 400 miles of driving. I agreed on the condition that I can drop her off the next day. She said she would have to think about it because of the amount of time we would spend together. Then on the 28th she got back to me and said no because she got a diaper rash during her last visit with me and she felt I am not doing a good job. Then on November 2 I asked about having her on the 4th but she said that she will need to check out my apartment to make sure there were no drugs in there and that she needs my address again because she lost it. I told her ok only if I can have her address and can see what kind of environment that my daughter is being raised in. She refused stating that she fears for her life and that I am not allowed to know where she lives,although there is no court order or restraining order in place. Bottom line -I agree with child support but I do think it is unfair when our society is willing to looked down on men but at the same time there are no consequences for the women that don't allow the men that want to be fathers to be a part of their childrens lives. I would like to give up my rights so that my daughter doesn't have to be in the middle but I am not allowed to do that. I also believe that if a woman can't support the child and won't work with the man she chooses to sleep with when the man is perfectly fit to be a parent, then that woman should be forced to either work with the man if she needs support or be forced to give up the kid because there are many out there that want kids but can't have them.
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Parental Alienation:
Alot of people do not know what parental alienation is. Parental Alientation is where one parent will try to do everything they can to alienate their child from the other parent. They think that they are getting back at the other parent for a messy divorce for cheating or simply not wanting to be married to them anymore. What ever the case may be Parental Alienation is very harmful to the child. Let me give you a case in hand.
I came out in 1998 and we divorced. I would not give up my rights to our son so my ex-wife lied about me to the cops and told them that I put a gun to her head. After everything was said and done I served 40 months in prison.
While I was in prison my ex-wife refused to let our son write me or have any contact with me. Infact she was so malicious that she told our son that I was dead and that I tried to kill her. When I got out of prison she tried to accuse me of child pornography and told my son that she gave him a cell phone in case I tried to kidnap him.
Though this did hurt me and upset me because she was so mad that I was gay, when the fact was she knew that I was gay before we married. But she thought she could change me. How many of us have heard the same thing?
My son and I are now getting back together and we are beginning to be happy as we once were, but he has suffered a lot of trauma because of his mothers actions.
People who commit parental alienation do not realize the harm they are causing their children. Please we must get together for our childrens sake for what ever reason and force the courts to recognize the harm that parental alienation is causing our children.
I thank you and so do your children
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My Story : I live with my girl friend and as a victim of HAP have had a restraining order served against me for false allegations of stalking and domestic abuse even though I haven't lived with my wife for almost a year now.She feels that whatever she says is how it's going to be whether she has court orders or not,and she has refused me parenting time on numerous occasions even after there has been orders for parenting time entered by the court.I still have problems getting the ordered parenting time and would love to have this matter resolved.I think the fact that I have moved on with my life and have found someone who I love very much and plan to marry has made her jealous and is resorting to this controlling behaviour to keep me from being happy.She has become a lesbian and as such can not marry the person she is in love with so I believe she is using this as a way to get back at me.She will not follow the time span the court has ordered and some days will not let me see him at all.
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My Story : My wife ran away with our five year old child. I don't know where they are. I think they may have gone to women's shelter. This has happened before when she was feeling overwhelmed with financial problems, her drinking, anniversary of her mother's death the holidays, basically any stressful time. My wife is probably manic-depressive and definitely an alcoholic. She wants to get sober but claims she can't do it with me around. I was always supportive of her getting the help she needs. She said she wanted to go to an inpatient program but was afraid I'd use it against her. I don't know what that means. Paranoid thinking due to her state of mental health fuels that kind of thinking. I assume that she told the people at the shelter that she and our child are not safe at home. That is completely untrue and she knows it. She has found a way to manipulate the system to keep our child from me. While some shelter will take a message to post on a board while not confirming or denying if the woman is staying there others will not take any messages. This has happened enough before that she knows not to call her family or friends because they won't support this behavior. When she does talk to them she often gets hostile and blames me for turning them against her. Then she tells me I have no right to talk to her family. Every time this happens I wonder what effect it has on our child. He's old enough to understand why women and children go to shelters. I'm afraid that taking him to shelters is reinforcing whatever she tells him about me. I blame my self for believing her when she said she'd never do it again. Now I have to make sure it doesn't.
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My Story : Every night when I get home from work I look up parental alienation. I never knew such a thing existed until 6 months ago. That was when my 14 year old daughter, my youngest, stopped speaking to me. If there is any benefit to reading my situation it is got directly back to the courts. I did not, I did not understand what was going on. My ex was abused as a child and is still getting back at me because of this. As crazy as it sound, He once looked at me and said I was his father with tits. His father was the abuser. The divorce was 18 months ago and my oldest daughter who at the time of the divorce was 16,was told by her dad that he was going to try to get custody so he does not have to pay child support. She had been physically and emotionally abused by him for years and that was the icing on the cake. We had joint custody and she was so upset that all she was to him was money that she did not spend anytime with him. My ex had a girl friend and everything was going well but I did notice that my youngest made odd comments . One evening I was cooking dinner , she said I don't do anything for her. Another time she said my house is so clean she can not stand it. I let the comments go, not realizing it was brainwashing. My ex promised my youngest all sorts of things he can not guarantee. But she believes it. She has not spent any time with me except a few visits and never returns my calls. My ex filed for a change of custody now that my older daughter does not enter into this mix. I am looking for an attorney in the MD area that is famiiar with PAS. One attorney I spoke with said he has not seen PAS in a child my daughters age, she is now 15. My heart breaks and I never lost a child due to death but this hurt has got to feel similar.
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My Story : I am currently writing two books, one for my son who just turned 18 this past month, and a complete, detailed publication of my entire journey and court battle - in an effort to aid professionals and families dealing with PAS. I have not seen my son, outside of the child psychologist's office, for two years now. The court appointed psychologist has labeled the situation as "parental alienation," recognizing that PAS (...SYNDROME) has not been established yet as a DSM diagnosis. Due to my son's age, we are limited with getting the help for him that he needs, which is why I have chosen to write a book for him - filled with only positive information that will address some of the battles that he will face as a result of pretending that his mother does not exist. I appreciate your efforts in addressing this tragic reality that has devastated the lives of so many families - especially innocent children that will be affected in many ways without professional counseling. |
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My Story : I am a 37 years old woman living in Norway with my two daughters, and my fince who is originaly from England. We haw lived togetter for 7 years now. the first year he hadnt seen his kids for a long time, but were able to get acces to visiting them after a long period of arguing. It went allright the first couple of year. they came end stayed with us in norway.But all the time it had to be on her (his ex)terms. Kids had to phone home twice a day, and it was wery stressful for the kids at times. But it was always great to see how the love flurished between dad and the girls. The girls started to get attatched to me and my girls as well, and showed signs that they wanted to spend more time with us. His ex started to make trubble about little things that could easily be solved by talking, but she phoned us up when she was drunk screaming and yelling draging thing way out of proportions. When we were in England to see the girls we used to stay at his sisters house, who was a great ount for the girls, and they loved it there. Everytime my fiance went to England Witch was about 3-5 times a year, it ended up being some kind of trubble out of nothing. The ex didnt care if she got the girls envolved, she could keep them up late at night and used them to phone their dad up asking him why he was so mean to theire mother. when his ex wants something she wants it yesterday, her way or the highway. There was one thing after another she used against him, mostly money issuce, and due to her very extreme behaviur when she couldnt haw things her way she ended up insulting must of his family, me, my kids and everybody that didnt agree with her. Some of us lost our temper when provocted by her irrasional behavior and spoke our mine witch resulted in her denying us any contact with the kids. After a period she would say that we could see the kids, but by then she had worked the kids mine so they belived that we were all terrible people and they didnt want to haw any more to do with us. After several years of targeting one by one it was my fiances turn this summer. the aldest daughter was 18 and started working, my fiance wanted to cut down on the money he sends every mounth witch is normal in that situation. For once he didnt give in to her demands, screams and threts. So no he is denide contact with them, and she has convinced the girls that he doesnt love them and manage to turn them all against him as well. When he tryed to talk with the girls all they did was screaming and saying excact the same thing as there mother. My fiance is hartbroken at the moment, emotionally warn out by this ongoing battle and ready to give up on his kids since he cant be doing with all this emotionally rollercoster he has been thru for so many years. Until I found a lot about parental alienation on thenet he didnt see much hope. Now we are reading more about it and starting to feel there is something we can do. Like not give up on the kids, corse they are the big loosers in this crazy one way war she has declared. There should be more awarness about this, corse there is so much of this going on around us. And there is the innocent part who is paying the price. The children! It his killing me to see that 4 people who relly loves eachother cant be together due to one womans sick behavor.
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My Story : 10 years ago my then wife and I agreed divorce was the only option for our marriage. We had a peacefull seperation and 5 years later she re-married. Our children had a difficult time with her new husband and his child. I always said to them "you must learn to talk to your mom about your problems within your household, I can't get involved". It's not that there was anything wrong they just didn't like all the changes. I fully supported my ex wife in her new marriage as I thought her husband was a good guy and a good influence for my kids. 8 years after our seperation I met my new wife. After we were engaged things turned bad. My kids started to complain about their life with me to my ex. Instead of handling it as I had my ex took the side of the kids and started comiserating with the kids. Long story short, I have not seen my son in 2 years or my daughter for 1 year. I have never stoped paying support, in fact I tried to re-gain my access through the courts and ended up having my support payments doubled. I never complained about the money I just wanted my kids in my life. The courts would not inforce the counsling I requested for my kids because of their ages (at the time son 12 and daughter 14),now 14 ad 16. I feel I have hit a brick wall and have no tool to break through. All of these events over the past 2 years have nearly destroyed me. The stress and constant worring have taken a large toll on my health. I am now being treated for depression and find life in general to be a constant struggle. I can't put into words the depth of sadness, loss, misery that has enveloped my life. I awake every day and realize this nightmare isn't a dream, This is really happening to me. My family and friends have always known how I valued my relationship with my kids and to be honest I was quite sure I was a teriffic parent. Now I find myself full of doubt, did I try hard enough, long enough. I feel like my kids have been kidnapped and I now they are alive but I can't get to them no matter how I try. The worst part is I can't even negociate to get them back. The harder I try the worse it gets. My relationship is now only through e-mail, I write and nothing comes back. My ex has convinced my children I am a bad person not worthy of their love. Every day I feel more hopeless. There is no bounds to how many people are affected by PAS ,new marriages, family friends, grandparents, the list goes on, as does PAS.... Even if this problem can be solved I will never get the last 2 years back. I have heard my son has grown 1-1/2 feet and my daughter will graduate high school this year. To miss out on even one day of a childs life is to much. I have been through alot in my 42 years of life, nothing can compare to this. It seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel, just more darkness.
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My Story : I am the mother of a 14 and 1/2 year old son. I left his father due to domestic violence when my son was 11. We had shared custody -week about for 6 months. I had always had a very good relationship with my son though my x husbands controlling dominating behaviour had affected my ability to parent my son as I would have wished. I allowed my son to go with his father overseas during the school holidays and on his return he asked to live with his father. After a few weeks i agreed knowing a child of 12 legally has a choice. I said ok but it would take a month to arrange via my solicitor. My son went to spend the usual week with his father and never returned. His father said he wasnt going to make him do anything he didnt want to do and he didnt want to see me. That was in Feb 2004. I did everything I could legally to get contact. The court ordered a family report and a 20 page report by a well known Australian Child Psychiatrist, Brent Waters, absolutely damned the father in alienating my son and recommended if the father was not supportive of a programme to re establish the mother and child relationship then he should not be allowed to see my son for a period of 6 months until we had opportunity to do this. Unfortunately no court in this country would be likely to make such an order and the court had also appointed a Child Representative and although entirely sympathetic of my situation they came to court recommending 'No Contact' as they said the child was so adamantly opposed to it. So I agreed to terms of counselling with my son, who did not attend with me, and gradual introduction of 3 hrs /fourtnight at mcdonalds where my son went from table to table or the toilets, so at the Child Representatives request I gave up even that opportunity . Apart from those few times Ive had no real contact with my son for 2 1/2 years. His father changed his school so I dont know any of the parents or friends and he dosent see any friends that know me. My son has no contact with any of my family and as his fathers relatives are overseas, his only contact is with his father. I could never have imagined the extent to which I have been alienated from my son. The courts are seemingly powerless to uphold any orders dispite this having such a detrimental longterm effect on the child.
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My Story : Child Support. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my story. Here's my situation: I paid great until the middle of this year and I had a terrible car wreck, and I became homeless for about 4 months. I got behind about $1000.00 during this period. The prosecutor and judge are very wicked and they do not care what happened to me (they actually said that). I am back to work now (end of Oct). I am making just barely poverty wages. I have to go back to court on Wednesday NOV 1 and I was supposed to make two payments of $203.00 plus $40.00 towards arrearage. I have a couple of days left and I just now am started to getting paid. The judge told me she would give me an unlimited jail term if this was not done. I am screwed and tore all to pieces. I would rather die than go through this horrible nightmare. That's one way to make it all stop. One child has been 18 for 6 months, does not attend school, and does not live with custodial parent and I am still having to pay for her. This woman is soon to be ex wife's sister. She has custody of two children and a third one that is not mine, but that I have raised her until she was 6 years old. I love my children and this woman is mean to me and to them and she cares not about any of us and she is keeping me in court and in trouble and worried and not working with me to see the children. She has brainwashed all the children to hate me now. There mother is a drug addict and she lost custody of them, but this evil sister still lets them go and stay with their mother 3 or 4 days per week, and the sister is not even present at home most of the time, and is doing subtle emotional damage to them. I am a smart, good man, and I would do anything to make all of this right. These evil women make it impossible and they have too much power. It is a nightmare. Please help me. I'm a professional Web Developer. I pay for a 16 year old son that I adopted and who was stolen from me and an 18 year old daughter who by law I am not supposed to be paying for. There is a little one who loves me the most and she is not even mine. She hurts every night missing her daddy. Her evil caretakers and the law try to keep us apart, and they punish me and the children for doing what comes natural and what is our God-given right, to be a family. If you could talk to me and know me, you would know that I have owned several small businesses and have the potential to make millions per year. I have done it in the past. I am a godly man who seeks deep after the truths about God, the universe and ME. I am deeply passionate and I care for people so, so much. I am heartbroken over my children, and me and them are both scarred from this nightmare. We need to heal and these dark people that watch over my children and suffocate them are blocking any good that could happen. To me the subtle neglect and injustice of a child is the worst form of abuse possible and is a wrong and hurtful control of their innocent minds. The breaking of father child bonds is one of the worst curses on this earth. Read the last verse in the old testament and see how bad it is. See how important this one this is to the creator of the universe. This treatment brings nightmarish heartbreaking pain to all involved, mainly the children and father. This subtle torture is no different than Hitler keeping innocent Jews in concentration camps. The current family law system mingled with dark minded lower conscious custodial Jezebel-like female parents that do not truly love the children or anyone for that matter are creating a lose-lose situation and a hell-like situation for the children and for fairly normal decent lower middle class fathers who all really love the children. This is the greatest injustice in the world. I weep for the children. I could try and speak for them, but I am just a deadbeat no-body to them, and they would love to just do away with me by putting me in a dark jail, which does no good for anyone. This nightmare has broken me into only a depressed broken person and I honestly can't bear this anymore. I can't focus on work and I am becoming increasingly disturbed by all of this. How do I hold it all together? I have a new family now that I love too, and I stand to lose both families, and all that I love, especially my freedom! What can I do? I can't do anything, can I? Do I shed my blood for them? Will that cause it all to stop? Do I just go and say imprison me for the rest of my days, and leave me be! Do I get in my car and drive to the ends of the Earth and become a hermit for my days left? Do I go to the dark side and do voodoo on the evil ones. (I love the light too much and I wouldn't really do this, thought it might create some universal justice.) I have been tortured terribly by these judges and parents in the past and it causes great fear to come on me. I know my God is watching over all of this, but why does he not help me? I honestly love my children and they love me very much. I miss them and I want to be their father more than anything the world. I want to do the right thing. Anyway, that is my story. I thank you for anything you can do. At least pray for these are truly perilous times, and I do not see how we will overcome!
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My Story : please see: freecaroline.com this case is still unfolding I will never stop fighting for my beloved daughter.
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My Story : PASing effects step-Mom's too.. Eight years ago, I married a man with 4 children and I had a dream, that we could combine our families and live 'happily ever after', even though the kids lived with their mom. That was, until the mother of his children was so jealous and resentful of our marriage that she went out of her way to brainwash the children to disobey me in my own home; not to like or respect me. And, this is while she had made the choice of giving up custody of them to my husband. She wanted me to do the "work" involved in raising her children, but she didn't want me to have the "title" or "respect" that a mother-figure should get. That led into huge fights with my husband; our marriage went into a tail-spin and I was enraged. That this "mother" was not raising her own children (by her own choice) and yet PASing her children against ME, the caretaker! Sadly, for my own sanity, I had to disengage from my step-kids and not do anything for them anymore, or feel 'motherly' love for them. I had to seperate myself from their lives, even living under the same roof. Now, the older kids can see that their "mother" really didn't do much for them all these years and they have no relationship with me, either, thanks to her. PASing effects more than just the other biological parent. It hurts step-parents, too.
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My Story : As a result of my divorce in December 1996 I retained custody of my son. My ex-wife was incarcerated at the time of the divorce for brutally beating my 73 year old father. That set her anger and revenge into motion. She bashed me and coerced my son into acting out bad behaviors. He took out his anger on me and my father. Prior to that I had a close and loving relationship with him. We did everything together. Finally, in 1997 she convinced my son to live with her and sued for custody. There was nothing in her motion to change custody regarding visitation. I believe that was done on purpose. However, the Judge granted a change in custody and ignored my right to visitation. Later, I got an attorney to get the Court to award my visitation rights. The Judge talked with my son privately and advised him that he should maintain contact with me. The Judge Ordered a Consent Order for visitation. However the mother manipulated the Court into putting ridiculous rules on the visitation. One week after the Judge ordered the visitation I got a letter from the mother's attorney stating my son refused any visitation. The ex was bound and determined to "get me back" for having her arrested for the beating of my father. By the way, she only got a fine and probation for the beating of my father. She pled nolo contendre. The assault carried a maximum of 10 years in jail. To this day I have no relationship or contact with my son. The ex has made sure of it. My son was brainwashed against me. His mother's determination to "get me back" worked. I am saddened about her actions and long for the day my son will realize what his mother has done. Perhaps someday he will want to see me. The courts failed me and ignored my rights. The only consolation I have is that this mother will forever be reminded of beating my father. It sickens me to know my son is living with a brutal, vicious, and vendictive person.
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My Story : Let me start by saying I am so grateful to have found this website. It gives me hope. Also, since our divorce is still in progress, I cannot have our names published yet. Thank you. Since I filed for divorce in Oct. 2005, my 13-year-old daughter and 16-year-old son have become hostile towards me, especially my son. He won't have anything to do with me; he won't speak more than a few words to me, won't even eat food I prepare. My daughter is somewhat friendlier, but completely "loyal" to her father when he's around, which is nearly all the time. He is still living in the house, claiming he can't afford to get another place, although he's already earned upwards of $250,000 this year and we live modestly. He takes them out on weekends and nearly every weeknight, excluding me from their lives as much as possible. He's the party Dad and I'm the cop. They keep secrets from me, lie about what they do, and make plans without my knowledge, much less consent. At home, they are antagonistic towards me and object to my very presence. My son is doing drugs and I think my daughter has started, but I cannot do anything about it because if I broach the topic with them, they'll tell their father, who will "protect" them from my "accusations." Last October, after I found drugs and related paraphanalia in my son's room and heard him tell a caller he could get him some "shrooms" for the weekend, I persuaded my husband to agree to ground him for the rest of the school marking period, with liberal exceptions, such as going out with a family member. He soon denied agreeing to this, putting the blame on me, and proceeded to sneak our son our of the house virtually every weekend. I kept a journal of these of these events with proof of the deceit and many other incidents in which my husband has undermined me and weakened the bond I shared with the children. I did this, hoping that the expert we hired to make a custody evaluation would come to the conclusion that I've been the target of parental alienation. I had discussed PAS with my attorney after I learned of it. She was only vaguely aware of it and said it's used only in extreme cases of abuse or neglect and advised me not to mention it to the expert. I trusted that common sense would prevail, but the expert, following a few meetings with each of us, recommended a 50/50 custody arrangement, stating that much weight had to be given to the children's preference because of their age. I have been living with daily heartbreak, but my greatest concern is for the children, both their present wellbeing and the damage they will suffer in the future as a result of the shattered bond with their mother.
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My Story : Our sons were 3 and 5 yrs old when we separated. Since our first son was born I only workd part-time 20 hrs a week so that I could be home to raise our sons most of the time as their primary care-taker. Their father worked 40 plus hrs a week, usually away from home mon-fri 10 to 12 hrs a day. We separated 10 before we started our court divorce process. I went from being our sons primary care-taker everyday, to taking care of our sons 5 days a week. Since the weekends were pretty much the only time their father had to spend time with the children, they went with him every weekend. I tried to keep our sons a couple of weekends trying to explain to my ex that it was not necessarily fair that he got the 'fun' weekends and I got the 'do your homework and go to bed early' week days, but he whined and I did not push. After 10 months, I made a misake due to the emotional upheaval created when I was served divorce papers, and I was late to our 1st court hearing ( made note in my calendar book of the wrong time by accident, switching our mediation time for our court time)My ex took that opportunity to lie to the court. He stated that he was our sons primary care-taker. On the document which asks for the parents to give information on the addresses of the children over the past five years.... my ex did not include my parents address which our sons had been living at with me for the 10 months previous to our 1st court hearing. Another false statement my ex made was that he said that he told the court that I was a potential (emotional, physical) danger to our children because I was supposed to be taking medication, but was not. My ex had avoided seeing & talking to me in the last 10 months, he could not have honestly know anything about what I was or was not supposed to be taking medication wise on a daily basis. He knew that a year of 2 previous, I had been prescribed prozac for depression and even though I had stopped taking it, my ex used it against me as if it were anti-psychotic medication, which it was not. My ex also perjured himself in court at our first hearing by stating that I had threatened to take our sons far away and that he would never see them again. With these lies, my ex got temporaray sole custody and was given the authority to determine what my 'reasonable visitation' would be, which I soon found out would be basically no visitation,or as little as possible. In the 2 months until our next court date, there was one 4 day period that I had our sons...other than that I only saw our sons a few hours once a week and this was only because my ex had to ask my parents to babysit and because I lived with them I got to see our sons. I would leave my ex voice messages of my following weeks work schedule and when I was available to take care of our sons but he always ignored them. When he did have my parents babysit, my ex never asked in advance (so that I might be able to rearrange my work schedule to spend time with our sons) he usually and rudely inconsiderate, called the morning of the day he needed them to babysit. The day he was given temporary sole custody he transfered our oldest son from kindergarten in traditional school I had been taking him too for 8 months to a year round school near his parents house where he was off track for 6 weeks & fell behind in his reading skills. He moved our sons out of my parents home and told me not to call him and that if I tried to come to his house to see our sons, my ex would call the police on me. My ex told me that our sons did not need me and that I should just give him our sons, move far away and forget about him and our sons and that I should start a new life. I went from being our sons primary care-taker on a daily basis, to caring for them 5 days a week, to only seeing our sons for a few hours once a week. My ex had told a mediator that I had told our sons that their dad did not love them (which is not true) and it still brings tears to my eyes thinking about how I was prevented from spending time with our sons and how our sons must have wondered were their mom was and that I must not love them because I had left them and was no longer taking care of them everyday as I had before. Then at our 2nd court hearing, my ex accused me of doing drugs and this further delayed my regaining my rightful primary care-taker custody for another 2 months when the test came back negative and I was given 60% custody. During this second 2 months, even though I had been given specific times when I would have our sons, my ex still tried to interfer. Even if he could not be there to take care of our sons when my time 'was up', he would make sure his parents took our sons, even though it would have been ok to just let me keep them. Instead, they were transfered between 3 households, in order to limit my time. I will never forget, one of the few phone conversations I had with our oldest son during this 2nd two month period.... I told my son that I was going to be picking him up the next day and he was going to spend a few days with mom.... my oldest son said to me, his mother, " I don't know if I'm allowed to see you". It took all of me not to burst out in tears on the phone thinging that my own son was told by his father that he was not allowed to see his own mother. My ex also interfered with my seeing our sons when he signed our oldest up for t-ball and would not give me a schedule of his games that I asked for repeatedly. Our sons games were on friday evenings and saturday mornings and coudl start anytime in a 3 hour time frame. I constantly asked my ex, each week, what the times of the games were.... he ignored my messages. I would miss games and after the fact when my ex happened to answer his phone when I called, I would ask him why he did nto tell me our sons game times? My ex would say that he did not tell me because he did not want me to go to the game because he did not want to see me. Even though I was given primary custody 4 months after my ex has still been able to inflict emotional distress. Outside the court room, he has threatened that he has my own brothers and sisters on his side and that they were ready to testify against me that I was an unfit mother (which he only recently acknowledged, to my surprise, was a lie) My ex has even told numerous lies in his interview with the psychologist who composed our evaluation report for the court. It is so crazy that my ex stated that I had done things in the past that he had actually done himself, not me. What is most disturbing to me is that the psychologist did not even believe me when I told him that my ex had reduced my visitation with my sons dramatically to a few hours, once a week when he was given temporary sole custody, just because I admitted that there was one time when my ex let me have ours sone for 4 days straight. The psychologist basically stated he did not believe that I had discontinued my use of marijuana when my ex and I separated, yet he seemed to believe my ex had discontinued his marijuana use, even though in interum, both mine and my ex's hair follicle drug tests came back negative. There is no reason for the psychologist not to believe that I had discontinued my drug use. It seems my ex has manipulated the psychologist with his lies about me, into a false conception of me which has hust me in court. My ex has also 'bought' our children's affection, buying them expensive toys that I could never afford to buy our sons. my ex even went as far as letting his eldest son (out of wedlock to a girl he barely dated a couple of weeks before getting her pregnant) who was 14 yrs old, and very immature, before he would let me take care of our sons. To me this was putting our sons in danger with someone incapable of caring for our sons by himself. One time while in his eldest sons care, my oldest son was playing with matches and burned himself. Even to this day, over a year and a half since he filed for divorce and has been trying to get sole custody of our sons, he tries to interfer with my motherly caring time with our sons and is constantly trying to delineate it to his new girlfriend because it is more convenient for him to have her take care of our sons.
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My Story : I met my ex when I was 16. I became pregnant shortly after. By the time I'd had our daughter, he'd become abusive. First only emotionally, but later on physically. When I turned 18 I decided to leave him, but he'd threatened to kill himself, and I didn't want to be responsible for my daughter not having her father. One day after he had attacked me, and nearly suffocated me, he was removed from the home by the police. The following day he got a protective order on me, from there he filed divorce and took our daughter from the east coast to the west. I tried to call his family to speak to my daughter, but the family would make up excuses. Then months later he contacted me and let me speak to our daughter. That was the last time I spoke to her until now. She was 2 then, and 12 now. Her father has painted this horrible picture of me. It wasn't bad enough to lose a child, and being too scared of the ex-spouse to do anything. But to find out that he's made me out to be the bad guy. I can only hope that my daughter and I will have a healthy relationship one day. But, now while she is a child, her father still controls every communication we have. I haven't even been permitted to speak to her by phone yet. Each day a little peice of me died inside...
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My Story : I was in the process of a divorce when I found out I was pregnant. My (at that time) husband told me to get an abortion. That is what sealed the divorce deal. He told the court I cheated on him and he wanted a DNA test. I informed the court that I was not, nor have I ever cheated on him and would be more than happy to give him a DNA test after my daughter was born. Prior to the DNA test, my ex-husband said that my daughter was a drug baby. In addition, he has said that my (non-existent) boyfriend is a drug addict. In addition, he wanted my daughter tested for drugs. Obviously the doctor's test both the mother and the babies for drugs. These accusations were found to be untrue. After my daughter's birth, the court appointed a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) to represent my daughter. I told the GAL about the harassment (my ex-husband said he was following me and having me followed). The GAL told me to "deal with it". When he (the GAL) came to my house, both my mother and grandmother were present when he threatened me into giving my ex-husband joint custody. He told me that if I did not give him joint custody, he would take my daughter away and put her in the care of DCF. He then said that my daughter was young enough to forget me. Because of the threat placed by the GAL, I did as he said. Now, more than 2 years later, my ex-husband still claims that he and his friends are following me and he is paying someone else to follow me. He admitted this in front of our counselor. He also admits to trying to get more and more visitation and eventually wants sole custody. He called me an "asshole bitch" over the phone while he had our daughter (11 months at the time) with him. When my ex is walking my daughter to my house (after a visit), he tells my daughter (18 months) "we better hurry up before mommy gets pissed off". In addition, he threatens to sue the daycare center if they do not do as he says. He had constant complaints about the daycare center (i.e., they send her out of there filthy). His complaint concerning filth is a small spot on her shirt or pants. He does not think she should be dirty at all (i.e., no playing, no art, no eating on her own, etc.). I have provided proof to the courts who tell me to "ignore him", "deal with it" and "it's not that big of a deal". My ex-husband has not had a job in years, and admits to wanting our daughter full-time so I can pay him to stay home with her all day. Moreover, he continues to try to get sole custody. Our counselor admits to refusing to take notes. He (the counselor) has told my ex-husband that he is paranoid, delusional, and controlling. However, even though we (my ex-husband and I) signed papers so that the counselor can report this information to the court, he (the counselor) has not. My ex-husband's sister yelled out during one court session that they were having me followed. I have had to call the police on her because she was on my property one day flailing her arms and flipping me off (at my home) in front of my daughter (15 months old - at the time). This was after a previous request for her not to come back on my property. At this time, my ex-husband refuses to talk to the daycare personnel and he has not changed his contact information with the daycare centers or any of her doctor's. He refuses to get a house phone and his cell phone does not work where he lives. He has pushed his way past me to get into my home, has come to my home uninvited and even threatened to come to my home against the visitation order. One day, he refused to bring my daughter home. He refuses to change her clothes unless I give him clothes for her and even then, she has come home with feces on her pants. One day he was so hung over, he was screaming and yelling about the nonexistent boyfriend and making threats not to bring our daughter home and I still had to let her go with him, because the woman at the courthouse told me it's OK as long as he doesn't bring her to the bar. In addition, he does not comply with any of the court orders, and has informed our counselor of such. In front of our counselor, he accuses me and my nonexistent boyfriend of being drug addicts. I have had to purchase items for him at the store to ensure my daughter has the proper products at his home (toothpaste, toothbrushes, milk, etc.). Will there ever be any relief for our daughter and myself? Or, is this abuse supposed to be tolerated like the court employees told (threatened) me.
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My Story : Hello, I hope that by sharing my story with you, that the public will learn how dangerous parental alienation can be for thier children. When people hear the words parental alienation, they automatically consider what part of a relationship a parent is lacking in. Yet for people who have never suffered through it, you have absolutely no idea what kind of emotional danger your child may or may not be in. It all just depends upon the stability of the parents. I am an honest woman, so I am going to tell you, I am bi-polar and I'm also epileptic. So naturally, when my daughter's father and I first separated, there were many concerns as to whether or not I was a capable parent. Another problem we faced is that her father has been diagnosed with adult attention deficit disorder. Now, as an epileptic, I understand the importance and necessity of following a physician's recommendations for treatment of a disorder. Yet for some reason, with the personality conflicts that appear with the disorder of ADHD, it's not very uncommon that people with this diagnosis will do anything that they can to side-step acceptance and treatment of thier disorder. It has to do with the conflicts of narcissism and control issues. So, when I could not take the fact that we were arguing everyday and he threatened me with the choice of either him or my family, I made the choice to leave him. When I did this, he looked me straight in the face and said, "If you leave me, you will never see your daughter again." It worked. He started coaching our daughter at the age of two, to tell her court appointed therapist that I used to beat her, (which there is proof against, because she was taken to the doctor so often for untreated inner otitus media.) People who have ADHD do not like anyone telling them how to take care of thier children. So when I came back to him after her visit with a prescription from her doctor, it would anger him and he never gave her the medication. There is more proof as well because she was evaluated by the county to find out if she was abused by her father at one time. In that evaluation, it would have brought up signs of abuse from any family member or regular contact in our daughters life. But of course this information has never been used for my benefit, because of my emotional disorder. I am medicated on a daily basis for my disorders and completely under control. My daughter has been lied to and is emotionally unstable. Her father is emotionally unstable and is not medicated and now are daughter is not only alienated from me, she is alienated from her entire maternal and paternal families. We need your help and support. Thank you for you time.
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My Story : i have not seen or spoken with my 12 and 14 yr old daughters for almost 7 months, due to the hostile parenting provided by my ex spouse, and continued alientation that has been going on for almost 4 yrs since she had an affair with a close family frined, and had the kids side with her for her own justification. she made the kids call him "dad"!
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My Story : I am a 66 year old woman, grandmother of 18, mother of 6 and alinated from my grandchildren. One daughter won't let me see her children because she is in denial of her fathers sexual, physical and emotional abuse of her siblings and myself. She is afraid I will tell her children, age 5 and 7.
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