|
|
Letters from parents
click here to share your story
My Story : I am currently writing two books, one for my son who just turned 18 this past month, and a complete, detailed publication of my entire journey and court battle - in an effort to aid professionals and families dealing with PAS. I have not seen my son, outside of the child psychologist's office, for two years now. The court appointed psychologist has labeled the situation as "parental alienation," recognizing that PAS (...SYNDROME) has not been established yet as a DSM diagnosis. Due to my son's age, we are limited with getting the help for him that he needs, which is why I have chosen to write a book for him - filled with only positive information that will address some of the battles that he will face as a result of pretending that his mother does not exist. I appreciate your efforts in addressing this tragic reality that has devastated the lives of so many families - especially innocent children that will be affected in many ways without professional counseling. |
|
My Story : I am a 37 years old woman living in Norway with my two daughters, and my fince who is originaly from England. We haw lived togetter for 7 years now. the first year he hadnt seen his kids for a long time, but were able to get acces to visiting them after a long period of arguing. It went allright the first couple of year. they came end stayed with us in norway.But all the time it had to be on her (his ex)terms. Kids had to phone home twice a day, and it was wery stressful for the kids at times. But it was always great to see how the love flurished between dad and the girls. The girls started to get attatched to me and my girls as well, and showed signs that they wanted to spend more time with us. His ex started to make trubble about little things that could easily be solved by talking, but she phoned us up when she was drunk screaming and yelling draging thing way out of proportions. When we were in England to see the girls we used to stay at his sisters house, who was a great ount for the girls, and they loved it there. Everytime my fiance went to England Witch was about 3-5 times a year, it ended up being some kind of trubble out of nothing. The ex didnt care if she got the girls envolved, she could keep them up late at night and used them to phone their dad up asking him why he was so mean to theire mother. when his ex wants something she wants it yesterday, her way or the highway. There was one thing after another she used against him, mostly money issuce, and due to her very extreme behaviur when she couldnt haw things her way she ended up insulting must of his family, me, my kids and everybody that didnt agree with her. Some of us lost our temper when provocted by her irrasional behavior and spoke our mine witch resulted in her denying us any contact with the kids. After a period she would say that we could see the kids, but by then she had worked the kids mine so they belived that we were all terrible people and they didnt want to haw any more to do with us. After several years of targeting one by one it was my fiances turn this summer. the aldest daughter was 18 and started working, my fiance wanted to cut down on the money he sends every mounth witch is normal in that situation. For once he didnt give in to her demands, screams and threts. So no he is denide contact with them, and she has convinced the girls that he doesnt love them and manage to turn them all against him as well. When he tryed to talk with the girls all they did was screaming and saying excact the same thing as there mother. My fiance is hartbroken at the moment, emotionally warn out by this ongoing battle and ready to give up on his kids since he cant be doing with all this emotionally rollercoster he has been thru for so many years. Until I found a lot about parental alienation on thenet he didnt see much hope. Now we are reading more about it and starting to feel there is something we can do. Like not give up on the kids, corse they are the big loosers in this crazy one way war she has declared. There should be more awarness about this, corse there is so much of this going on around us. And there is the innocent part who is paying the price. The children! It his killing me to see that 4 people who relly loves eachother cant be together due to one womans sick behavor.
|
|
My Story : 10 years ago my then wife and I agreed divorce was the only option for our marriage. We had a peacefull seperation and 5 years later she re-married. Our children had a difficult time with her new husband and his child. I always said to them "you must learn to talk to your mom about your problems within your household, I can't get involved". It's not that there was anything wrong they just didn't like all the changes. I fully supported my ex wife in her new marriage as I thought her husband was a good guy and a good influence for my kids. 8 years after our seperation I met my new wife. After we were engaged things turned bad. My kids started to complain about their life with me to my ex. Instead of handling it as I had my ex took the side of the kids and started comiserating with the kids. Long story short, I have not seen my son in 2 years or my daughter for 1 year. I have never stoped paying support, in fact I tried to re-gain my access through the courts and ended up having my support payments doubled. I never complained about the money I just wanted my kids in my life. The courts would not inforce the counsling I requested for my kids because of their ages (at the time son 12 and daughter 14),now 14 ad 16. I feel I have hit a brick wall and have no tool to break through. All of these events over the past 2 years have nearly destroyed me. The stress and constant worring have taken a large toll on my health. I am now being treated for depression and find life in general to be a constant struggle. I can't put into words the depth of sadness, loss, misery that has enveloped my life. I awake every day and realize this nightmare isn't a dream, This is really happening to me. My family and friends have always known how I valued my relationship with my kids and to be honest I was quite sure I was a teriffic parent. Now I find myself full of doubt, did I try hard enough, long enough. I feel like my kids have been kidnapped and I now they are alive but I can't get to them no matter how I try. The worst part is I can't even negociate to get them back. The harder I try the worse it gets. My relationship is now only through e-mail, I write and nothing comes back. My ex has convinced my children I am a bad person not worthy of their love. Every day I feel more hopeless. There is no bounds to how many people are affected by PAS ,new marriages, family friends, grandparents, the list goes on, as does PAS.... Even if this problem can be solved I will never get the last 2 years back. I have heard my son has grown 1-1/2 feet and my daughter will graduate high school this year. To miss out on even one day of a childs life is to much. I have been through alot in my 42 years of life, nothing can compare to this. It seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel, just more darkness.
|
|
My Story : I am the mother of a 14 and 1/2 year old son. I left his father due to domestic violence when my son was 11. We had shared custody -week about for 6 months. I had always had a very good relationship with my son though my x husbands controlling dominating behaviour had affected my ability to parent my son as I would have wished. I allowed my son to go with his father overseas during the school holidays and on his return he asked to live with his father. After a few weeks i agreed knowing a child of 12 legally has a choice. I said ok but it would take a month to arrange via my solicitor. My son went to spend the usual week with his father and never returned. His father said he wasnt going to make him do anything he didnt want to do and he didnt want to see me. That was in Feb 2004. I did everything I could legally to get contact. The court ordered a family report and a 20 page report by a well known Australian Child Psychiatrist, Brent Waters, absolutely damned the father in alienating my son and recommended if the father was not supportive of a programme to re establish the mother and child relationship then he should not be allowed to see my son for a period of 6 months until we had opportunity to do this. Unfortunately no court in this country would be likely to make such an order and the court had also appointed a Child Representative and although entirely sympathetic of my situation they came to court recommending 'No Contact' as they said the child was so adamantly opposed to it. So I agreed to terms of counselling with my son, who did not attend with me, and gradual introduction of 3 hrs /fourtnight at mcdonalds where my son went from table to table or the toilets, so at the Child Representatives request I gave up even that opportunity . Apart from those few times Ive had no real contact with my son for 2 1/2 years. His father changed his school so I dont know any of the parents or friends and he dosent see any friends that know me. My son has no contact with any of my family and as his fathers relatives are overseas, his only contact is with his father. I could never have imagined the extent to which I have been alienated from my son. The courts are seemingly powerless to uphold any orders dispite this having such a detrimental longterm effect on the child.
|
|
My Story : Child Support. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my story. Here's my situation: I paid great until the middle of this year and I had a terrible car wreck, and I became homeless for about 4 months. I got behind about $1000.00 during this period. The prosecutor and judge are very wicked and they do not care what happened to me (they actually said that). I am back to work now (end of Oct). I am making just barely poverty wages. I have to go back to court on Wednesday NOV 1 and I was supposed to make two payments of $203.00 plus $40.00 towards arrearage. I have a couple of days left and I just now am started to getting paid. The judge told me she would give me an unlimited jail term if this was not done. I am screwed and tore all to pieces. I would rather die than go through this horrible nightmare. That's one way to make it all stop. One child has been 18 for 6 months, does not attend school, and does not live with custodial parent and I am still having to pay for her. This woman is soon to be ex wife's sister. She has custody of two children and a third one that is not mine, but that I have raised her until she was 6 years old. I love my children and this woman is mean to me and to them and she cares not about any of us and she is keeping me in court and in trouble and worried and not working with me to see the children. She has brainwashed all the children to hate me now. There mother is a drug addict and she lost custody of them, but this evil sister still lets them go and stay with their mother 3 or 4 days per week, and the sister is not even present at home most of the time, and is doing subtle emotional damage to them. I am a smart, good man, and I would do anything to make all of this right. These evil women make it impossible and they have too much power. It is a nightmare. Please help me. I'm a professional Web Developer. I pay for a 16 year old son that I adopted and who was stolen from me and an 18 year old daughter who by law I am not supposed to be paying for. There is a little one who loves me the most and she is not even mine. She hurts every night missing her daddy. Her evil caretakers and the law try to keep us apart, and they punish me and the children for doing what comes natural and what is our God-given right, to be a family. If you could talk to me and know me, you would know that I have owned several small businesses and have the potential to make millions per year. I have done it in the past. I am a godly man who seeks deep after the truths about God, the universe and ME. I am deeply passionate and I care for people so, so much. I am heartbroken over my children, and me and them are both scarred from this nightmare. We need to heal and these dark people that watch over my children and suffocate them are blocking any good that could happen. To me the subtle neglect and injustice of a child is the worst form of abuse possible and is a wrong and hurtful control of their innocent minds. The breaking of father child bonds is one of the worst curses on this earth. Read the last verse in the old testament and see how bad it is. See how important this one this is to the creator of the universe. This treatment brings nightmarish heartbreaking pain to all involved, mainly the children and father. This subtle torture is no different than Hitler keeping innocent Jews in concentration camps. The current family law system mingled with dark minded lower conscious custodial Jezebel-like female parents that do not truly love the children or anyone for that matter are creating a lose-lose situation and a hell-like situation for the children and for fairly normal decent lower middle class fathers who all really love the children. This is the greatest injustice in the world. I weep for the children. I could try and speak for them, but I am just a deadbeat no-body to them, and they would love to just do away with me by putting me in a dark jail, which does no good for anyone. This nightmare has broken me into only a depressed broken person and I honestly can't bear this anymore. I can't focus on work and I am becoming increasingly disturbed by all of this. How do I hold it all together? I have a new family now that I love too, and I stand to lose both families, and all that I love, especially my freedom! What can I do? I can't do anything, can I? Do I shed my blood for them? Will that cause it all to stop? Do I just go and say imprison me for the rest of my days, and leave me be! Do I get in my car and drive to the ends of the Earth and become a hermit for my days left? Do I go to the dark side and do voodoo on the evil ones. (I love the light too much and I wouldn't really do this, thought it might create some universal justice.) I have been tortured terribly by these judges and parents in the past and it causes great fear to come on me. I know my God is watching over all of this, but why does he not help me? I honestly love my children and they love me very much. I miss them and I want to be their father more than anything the world. I want to do the right thing. Anyway, that is my story. I thank you for anything you can do. At least pray for these are truly perilous times, and I do not see how we will overcome!
|
|
My Story : please see: freecaroline.com this case is still unfolding I will never stop fighting for my beloved daughter.
|
|
My Story : PASing effects step-Mom's too.. Eight years ago, I married a man with 4 children and I had a dream, that we could combine our families and live 'happily ever after', even though the kids lived with their mom. That was, until the mother of his children was so jealous and resentful of our marriage that she went out of her way to brainwash the children to disobey me in my own home; not to like or respect me. And, this is while she had made the choice of giving up custody of them to my husband. She wanted me to do the "work" involved in raising her children, but she didn't want me to have the "title" or "respect" that a mother-figure should get. That led into huge fights with my husband; our marriage went into a tail-spin and I was enraged. That this "mother" was not raising her own children (by her own choice) and yet PASing her children against ME, the caretaker! Sadly, for my own sanity, I had to disengage from my step-kids and not do anything for them anymore, or feel 'motherly' love for them. I had to seperate myself from their lives, even living under the same roof. Now, the older kids can see that their "mother" really didn't do much for them all these years and they have no relationship with me, either, thanks to her. PASing effects more than just the other biological parent. It hurts step-parents, too.
|
|
My Story : As a result of my divorce in December 1996 I retained custody of my son. My ex-wife was incarcerated at the time of the divorce for brutally beating my 73 year old father. That set her anger and revenge into motion. She bashed me and coerced my son into acting out bad behaviors. He took out his anger on me and my father. Prior to that I had a close and loving relationship with him. We did everything together. Finally, in 1997 she convinced my son to live with her and sued for custody. There was nothing in her motion to change custody regarding visitation. I believe that was done on purpose. However, the Judge granted a change in custody and ignored my right to visitation. Later, I got an attorney to get the Court to award my visitation rights. The Judge talked with my son privately and advised him that he should maintain contact with me. The Judge Ordered a Consent Order for visitation. However the mother manipulated the Court into putting ridiculous rules on the visitation. One week after the Judge ordered the visitation I got a letter from the mother's attorney stating my son refused any visitation. The ex was bound and determined to "get me back" for having her arrested for the beating of my father. By the way, she only got a fine and probation for the beating of my father. She pled nolo contendre. The assault carried a maximum of 10 years in jail. To this day I have no relationship or contact with my son. The ex has made sure of it. My son was brainwashed against me. His mother's determination to "get me back" worked. I am saddened about her actions and long for the day my son will realize what his mother has done. Perhaps someday he will want to see me. The courts failed me and ignored my rights. The only consolation I have is that this mother will forever be reminded of beating my father. It sickens me to know my son is living with a brutal, vicious, and vendictive person.
|
|
My Story : Let me start by saying I am so grateful to have found this website. It gives me hope. Also, since our divorce is still in progress, I cannot have our names published yet. Thank you. Since I filed for divorce in Oct. 2005, my 13-year-old daughter and 16-year-old son have become hostile towards me, especially my son. He won't have anything to do with me; he won't speak more than a few words to me, won't even eat food I prepare. My daughter is somewhat friendlier, but completely "loyal" to her father when he's around, which is nearly all the time. He is still living in the house, claiming he can't afford to get another place, although he's already earned upwards of $250,000 this year and we live modestly. He takes them out on weekends and nearly every weeknight, excluding me from their lives as much as possible. He's the party Dad and I'm the cop. They keep secrets from me, lie about what they do, and make plans without my knowledge, much less consent. At home, they are antagonistic towards me and object to my very presence. My son is doing drugs and I think my daughter has started, but I cannot do anything about it because if I broach the topic with them, they'll tell their father, who will "protect" them from my "accusations." Last October, after I found drugs and related paraphanalia in my son's room and heard him tell a caller he could get him some "shrooms" for the weekend, I persuaded my husband to agree to ground him for the rest of the school marking period, with liberal exceptions, such as going out with a family member. He soon denied agreeing to this, putting the blame on me, and proceeded to sneak our son our of the house virtually every weekend. I kept a journal of these of these events with proof of the deceit and many other incidents in which my husband has undermined me and weakened the bond I shared with the children. I did this, hoping that the expert we hired to make a custody evaluation would come to the conclusion that I've been the target of parental alienation. I had discussed PAS with my attorney after I learned of it. She was only vaguely aware of it and said it's used only in extreme cases of abuse or neglect and advised me not to mention it to the expert. I trusted that common sense would prevail, but the expert, following a few meetings with each of us, recommended a 50/50 custody arrangement, stating that much weight had to be given to the children's preference because of their age. I have been living with daily heartbreak, but my greatest concern is for the children, both their present wellbeing and the damage they will suffer in the future as a result of the shattered bond with their mother.
|
Back to top |
|
My Story : Our sons were 3 and 5 yrs old when we separated. Since our first son was born I only workd part-time 20 hrs a week so that I could be home to raise our sons most of the time as their primary care-taker. Their father worked 40 plus hrs a week, usually away from home mon-fri 10 to 12 hrs a day. We separated 10 before we started our court divorce process. I went from being our sons primary care-taker everyday, to taking care of our sons 5 days a week. Since the weekends were pretty much the only time their father had to spend time with the children, they went with him every weekend. I tried to keep our sons a couple of weekends trying to explain to my ex that it was not necessarily fair that he got the 'fun' weekends and I got the 'do your homework and go to bed early' week days, but he whined and I did not push. After 10 months, I made a misake due to the emotional upheaval created when I was served divorce papers, and I was late to our 1st court hearing ( made note in my calendar book of the wrong time by accident, switching our mediation time for our court time)My ex took that opportunity to lie to the court. He stated that he was our sons primary care-taker. On the document which asks for the parents to give information on the addresses of the children over the past five years.... my ex did not include my parents address which our sons had been living at with me for the 10 months previous to our 1st court hearing. Another false statement my ex made was that he said that he told the court that I was a potential (emotional, physical) danger to our children because I was supposed to be taking medication, but was not. My ex had avoided seeing & talking to me in the last 10 months, he could not have honestly know anything about what I was or was not supposed to be taking medication wise on a daily basis. He knew that a year of 2 previous, I had been prescribed prozac for depression and even though I had stopped taking it, my ex used it against me as if it were anti-psychotic medication, which it was not. My ex also perjured himself in court at our first hearing by stating that I had threatened to take our sons far away and that he would never see them again. With these lies, my ex got temporaray sole custody and was given the authority to determine what my 'reasonable visitation' would be, which I soon found out would be basically no visitation,or as little as possible. In the 2 months until our next court date, there was one 4 day period that I had our sons...other than that I only saw our sons a few hours once a week and this was only because my ex had to ask my parents to babysit and because I lived with them I got to see our sons. I would leave my ex voice messages of my following weeks work schedule and when I was available to take care of our sons but he always ignored them. When he did have my parents babysit, my ex never asked in advance (so that I might be able to rearrange my work schedule to spend time with our sons) he usually and rudely inconsiderate, called the morning of the day he needed them to babysit. The day he was given temporary sole custody he transfered our oldest son from kindergarten in traditional school I had been taking him too for 8 months to a year round school near his parents house where he was off track for 6 weeks & fell behind in his reading skills. He moved our sons out of my parents home and told me not to call him and that if I tried to come to his house to see our sons, my ex would call the police on me. My ex told me that our sons did not need me and that I should just give him our sons, move far away and forget about him and our sons and that I should start a new life. I went from being our sons primary care-taker on a daily basis, to caring for them 5 days a week, to only seeing our sons for a few hours once a week. My ex had told a mediator that I had told our sons that their dad did not love them (which is not true) and it still brings tears to my eyes thinking about how I was prevented from spending time with our sons and how our sons must have wondered were their mom was and that I must not love them because I had left them and was no longer taking care of them everyday as I had before. Then at our 2nd court hearing, my ex accused me of doing drugs and this further delayed my regaining my rightful primary care-taker custody for another 2 months when the test came back negative and I was given 60% custody. During this second 2 months, even though I had been given specific times when I would have our sons, my ex still tried to interfer. Even if he could not be there to take care of our sons when my time 'was up', he would make sure his parents took our sons, even though it would have been ok to just let me keep them. Instead, they were transfered between 3 households, in order to limit my time. I will never forget, one of the few phone conversations I had with our oldest son during this 2nd two month period.... I told my son that I was going to be picking him up the next day and he was going to spend a few days with mom.... my oldest son said to me, his mother, " I don't know if I'm allowed to see you". It took all of me not to burst out in tears on the phone thinging that my own son was told by his father that he was not allowed to see his own mother. My ex also interfered with my seeing our sons when he signed our oldest up for t-ball and would not give me a schedule of his games that I asked for repeatedly. Our sons games were on friday evenings and saturday mornings and coudl start anytime in a 3 hour time frame. I constantly asked my ex, each week, what the times of the games were.... he ignored my messages. I would miss games and after the fact when my ex happened to answer his phone when I called, I would ask him why he did nto tell me our sons game times? My ex would say that he did not tell me because he did not want me to go to the game because he did not want to see me. Even though I was given primary custody 4 months after my ex has still been able to inflict emotional distress. Outside the court room, he has threatened that he has my own brothers and sisters on his side and that they were ready to testify against me that I was an unfit mother (which he only recently acknowledged, to my surprise, was a lie) My ex has even told numerous lies in his interview with the psychologist who composed our evaluation report for the court. It is so crazy that my ex stated that I had done things in the past that he had actually done himself, not me. What is most disturbing to me is that the psychologist did not even believe me when I told him that my ex had reduced my visitation with my sons dramatically to a few hours, once a week when he was given temporary sole custody, just because I admitted that there was one time when my ex let me have ours sone for 4 days straight. The psychologist basically stated he did not believe that I had discontinued my use of marijuana when my ex and I separated, yet he seemed to believe my ex had discontinued his marijuana use, even though in interum, both mine and my ex's hair follicle drug tests came back negative. There is no reason for the psychologist not to believe that I had discontinued my drug use. It seems my ex has manipulated the psychologist with his lies about me, into a false conception of me which has hust me in court. My ex has also 'bought' our children's affection, buying them expensive toys that I could never afford to buy our sons. my ex even went as far as letting his eldest son (out of wedlock to a girl he barely dated a couple of weeks before getting her pregnant) who was 14 yrs old, and very immature, before he would let me take care of our sons. To me this was putting our sons in danger with someone incapable of caring for our sons by himself. One time while in his eldest sons care, my oldest son was playing with matches and burned himself. Even to this day, over a year and a half since he filed for divorce and has been trying to get sole custody of our sons, he tries to interfer with my motherly caring time with our sons and is constantly trying to delineate it to his new girlfriend because it is more convenient for him to have her take care of our sons.
|
|
My Story : I met my ex when I was 16. I became pregnant shortly after. By the time I'd had our daughter, he'd become abusive. First only emotionally, but later on physically. When I turned 18 I decided to leave him, but he'd threatened to kill himself, and I didn't want to be responsible for my daughter not having her father. One day after he had attacked me, and nearly suffocated me, he was removed from the home by the police. The following day he got a protective order on me, from there he filed divorce and took our daughter from the east coast to the west. I tried to call his family to speak to my daughter, but the family would make up excuses. Then months later he contacted me and let me speak to our daughter. That was the last time I spoke to her until now. She was 2 then, and 12 now. Her father has painted this horrible picture of me. It wasn't bad enough to lose a child, and being too scared of the ex-spouse to do anything. But to find out that he's made me out to be the bad guy. I can only hope that my daughter and I will have a healthy relationship one day. But, now while she is a child, her father still controls every communication we have. I haven't even been permitted to speak to her by phone yet. Each day a little peice of me died inside...
|
|
My Story : I was in the process of a divorce when I found out I was pregnant. My (at that time) husband told me to get an abortion. That is what sealed the divorce deal. He told the court I cheated on him and he wanted a DNA test. I informed the court that I was not, nor have I ever cheated on him and would be more than happy to give him a DNA test after my daughter was born. Prior to the DNA test, my ex-husband said that my daughter was a drug baby. In addition, he has said that my (non-existent) boyfriend is a drug addict. In addition, he wanted my daughter tested for drugs. Obviously the doctor's test both the mother and the babies for drugs. These accusations were found to be untrue. After my daughter's birth, the court appointed a GAL (Guardian Ad Litem) to represent my daughter. I told the GAL about the harassment (my ex-husband said he was following me and having me followed). The GAL told me to "deal with it". When he (the GAL) came to my house, both my mother and grandmother were present when he threatened me into giving my ex-husband joint custody. He told me that if I did not give him joint custody, he would take my daughter away and put her in the care of DCF. He then said that my daughter was young enough to forget me. Because of the threat placed by the GAL, I did as he said. Now, more than 2 years later, my ex-husband still claims that he and his friends are following me and he is paying someone else to follow me. He admitted this in front of our counselor. He also admits to trying to get more and more visitation and eventually wants sole custody. He called me an "asshole bitch" over the phone while he had our daughter (11 months at the time) with him. When my ex is walking my daughter to my house (after a visit), he tells my daughter (18 months) "we better hurry up before mommy gets pissed off". In addition, he threatens to sue the daycare center if they do not do as he says. He had constant complaints about the daycare center (i.e., they send her out of there filthy). His complaint concerning filth is a small spot on her shirt or pants. He does not think she should be dirty at all (i.e., no playing, no art, no eating on her own, etc.). I have provided proof to the courts who tell me to "ignore him", "deal with it" and "it's not that big of a deal". My ex-husband has not had a job in years, and admits to wanting our daughter full-time so I can pay him to stay home with her all day. Moreover, he continues to try to get sole custody. Our counselor admits to refusing to take notes. He (the counselor) has told my ex-husband that he is paranoid, delusional, and controlling. However, even though we (my ex-husband and I) signed papers so that the counselor can report this information to the court, he (the counselor) has not. My ex-husband's sister yelled out during one court session that they were having me followed. I have had to call the police on her because she was on my property one day flailing her arms and flipping me off (at my home) in front of my daughter (15 months old - at the time). This was after a previous request for her not to come back on my property. At this time, my ex-husband refuses to talk to the daycare personnel and he has not changed his contact information with the daycare centers or any of her doctor's. He refuses to get a house phone and his cell phone does not work where he lives. He has pushed his way past me to get into my home, has come to my home uninvited and even threatened to come to my home against the visitation order. One day, he refused to bring my daughter home. He refuses to change her clothes unless I give him clothes for her and even then, she has come home with feces on her pants. One day he was so hung over, he was screaming and yelling about the nonexistent boyfriend and making threats not to bring our daughter home and I still had to let her go with him, because the woman at the courthouse told me it's OK as long as he doesn't bring her to the bar. In addition, he does not comply with any of the court orders, and has informed our counselor of such. In front of our counselor, he accuses me and my nonexistent boyfriend of being drug addicts. I have had to purchase items for him at the store to ensure my daughter has the proper products at his home (toothpaste, toothbrushes, milk, etc.). Will there ever be any relief for our daughter and myself? Or, is this abuse supposed to be tolerated like the court employees told (threatened) me.
|
|
My Story : Hello, I hope that by sharing my story with you, that the public will learn how dangerous parental alienation can be for thier children. When people hear the words parental alienation, they automatically consider what part of a relationship a parent is lacking in. Yet for people who have never suffered through it, you have absolutely no idea what kind of emotional danger your child may or may not be in. It all just depends upon the stability of the parents. I am an honest woman, so I am going to tell you, I am bi-polar and I'm also epileptic. So naturally, when my daughter's father and I first separated, there were many concerns as to whether or not I was a capable parent. Another problem we faced is that her father has been diagnosed with adult attention deficit disorder. Now, as an epileptic, I understand the importance and necessity of following a physician's recommendations for treatment of a disorder. Yet for some reason, with the personality conflicts that appear with the disorder of ADHD, it's not very uncommon that people with this diagnosis will do anything that they can to side-step acceptance and treatment of thier disorder. It has to do with the conflicts of narcissism and control issues. So, when I could not take the fact that we were arguing everyday and he threatened me with the choice of either him or my family, I made the choice to leave him. When I did this, he looked me straight in the face and said, "If you leave me, you will never see your daughter again." It worked. He started coaching our daughter at the age of two, to tell her court appointed therapist that I used to beat her, (which there is proof against, because she was taken to the doctor so often for untreated inner otitus media.) People who have ADHD do not like anyone telling them how to take care of thier children. So when I came back to him after her visit with a prescription from her doctor, it would anger him and he never gave her the medication. There is more proof as well because she was evaluated by the county to find out if she was abused by her father at one time. In that evaluation, it would have brought up signs of abuse from any family member or regular contact in our daughters life. But of course this information has never been used for my benefit, because of my emotional disorder. I am medicated on a daily basis for my disorders and completely under control. My daughter has been lied to and is emotionally unstable. Her father is emotionally unstable and is not medicated and now are daughter is not only alienated from me, she is alienated from her entire maternal and paternal families. We need your help and support. Thank you for you time.
|
|
My Story : i have not seen or spoken with my 12 and 14 yr old daughters for almost 7 months, due to the hostile parenting provided by my ex spouse, and continued alientation that has been going on for almost 4 yrs since she had an affair with a close family frined, and had the kids side with her for her own justification. she made the kids call him "dad"!
|
|
My Story : I am a 66 year old woman, grandmother of 18, mother of 6 and alinated from my grandchildren. One daughter won't let me see her children because she is in denial of her fathers sexual, physical and emotional abuse of her siblings and myself. She is afraid I will tell her children, age 5 and 7.
|
|
Land of Lincoln Greetings,
If you possess the y chromosome in Livingston County, Illinois you do not get
custody of your children. You get the bills - and perhaps a generous
visitation policy IF you feed a lawyer enough big cash. I was an excellent
and involved father and husband - I had never come close to being in trouble
with the lawyer - until my wife of 18 years wanted me gone. Our ugly 3 year
divorce included her feeding our children over 20,000 prescription pills that
they did not need and mounting a bizarre PA campaign. She testified that I
tried to push our 2 boys in front of heavy traffic trying to kill them. She
perpetuated to date about 7 DCFS reports and a bunch of police reports
claiming I had severely abused her since day one of our marriage. Now, I have
custody and our daughter recently graduated Valedictorian drug-free. All
reports against me were unfounded and my record expunged, but so much damage
has been done. My EX was just criminally convicted for Obstruction of
Visitation. Obstruction laws are on the books, but only twice prosecuted in
this county - which indicates how anti-father the system is. More charges are
pending. PA exists big time and we need to fight it for our children. My
children were afraid to take a photo with me because of their mother's
brainwashing. I believe that if you have on tape a mother playing the "Who's
side are you on, mommy or daddy" game with a heavily medicated 10 year old,
that should be allowed in court as evidence of abuse against a child. I could
go on forever and I pray I get to testify in congress someday for new laws and
enforcement of current laws because FATHERLESSNESS IS KILLING THIS COUNTRY!!!
|
|
***NOTE-This story has been placed in bold by Parental Alienation Awareness. This clearly and concisely goes to the heart of alienating behaviors. How sad for our children. PAAO.
My Story : This story happened a few years ago. My five year old son was very excited because he was going to march in his first Little League Parade. He laid his uniform out on his bedroom floor a couple of days before the parade. He had his hat, shirt, pants, and cleats laid out like a little person on the floor. He was very excited. The Friday night before the parade, I kissed him goodbye, as he went to visit with his father. I told him I'd be looking for him at the parade. The next day, I watched as the different teams paraded by. I finally saw the colors of my son's team, and then my son. I called out his name, waving to him. He did not answer, so I kept yelling his name. He walked right by me without even turning his head. Later on, in the parade, my older son's team walked by. Again, I waved and yelled out his name. He too, would not look at me. I felt so hurt and confused. When they got back on Sunday, I asked them if they had seen me. They said yes. I then asked them why they didn't wave back to me. My youngest said his dad said if they waved at me, they would have to drop out of the parade.
|
|
Comments : My story is the same as it was with my now 17 year old daughter, A. after I left her father 11 years ago. Though I had physical custody of her, she was still being brainwashed against me with horrible lies and stories about me. One thing people do not realize is that the custodial parent can also be the targeted parent... as long as the non-custodial parent has weekend visitations. My ex-boyfriend, father of my 7 year old daughter, S. and my 5 year old son, Z., recently filed for physical custody of our children. For the past year, he has become extremely controlling. He will not allow our daughter to make minor decisions for herself, such as getting her hair cut or telling her grandmother what she wants for school clothes and supplies. He has been filing petty complaints to Child Protective Services and petitions to family court on custody/visitation violations. He tells me to take care of his children as he sees fit or he will take further actions. We have joint custody and he refuses to work with me. He refuses to allow me to make minor decisions for our children. He allows his girlfriend to write his letters to me and his court petitions for court, though he signs them. He tells our daughter of how her sister, SA, my 15 year old daughter, is mean and how she shouldn't beat on her and her brother. SA doesn't and S. seems to tell her father negative things about her siblings and I, because she knows this is what will please him. He tells S. of how her siblings never get to see their father, which is none of his business and he does not know the facts of their father not wanting to see them. He told her that he never wants to stop seeing her and Z.. He tells her that if he finds out she is riding in the front seat of my car, that he will take 5.00 from her piggy bank. He told Z.that I am to wipe his hinney... Z. hollared this at me once. Their father has also made numerous doctor appts without giving me any knowledge. During one visit that I notified him of, he trashed me to the doctor, saying such horrible things about me, in mine and our children's presence. I do not think he realizes the damage he is doing to S.and Z. Nor do I think he really cares. He only wants control. His g/f wants control, because she is insecure and does not want him to have as much contact with me. I finally scheduled an appointment for S. to see a counselor tomorrow. I don't know what else to do.
|
|
My Story : I am a single mother of a 12 year old boy. Since the divorce, my child has been experiencing the effects of "Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressivity" from the father's side. My son is used as a weapon to spite me at every opportunity and used in vindictive and malicious acts to retaliate against me for the divorce. Although my son and I are in on-going therapy, he experiences confusion, worry, low self-esteem, insecurity, and feels he needs to hide to take sides to be accepted. It's a battle during the father's visitation, every other weekend when it comes to the drop off time. He clearly violates the court order and uses my son as a messenger. My son comes back confused and brainwashed at the manipulative comments made by his father. All this frustration hurts my son and his behavior and grades in school drop and affect his concentration. I have brought this up to the courts attention and because my son is not allowed in the court room to his own defense, I get bombarded with attacks and false allegations that bring the judge to let the father get away with the abuse. It has come to the point that my son has verbally offended me by repeating his own father's words and called me a "prostitute." It is hurtful and it's begun to destroy the loving and warm bond my son and I share. I was not aware of this "Parental Alienation" article and if my story helps, please use it. I wish the courts and police would be more supportive of this issue, but law enforcement officials and the courts do not even allow you to freely speak and share your side. I think both parents must attend family therapy after a divorce or separation. The courts and law enforcements must take this emotional abuse seriously.
|
Back to top |
|
My Story: C., mother from Bavaria, Germany, 36, without contact to her daughter (17) since 3 years now:
Meine Geschichte handelt von drei Elternteilen, die Opfer von Eltern-Kind-Entfremdung wurden:
1. Mein Schwiegervater: Opfer Nr. 1
2. Mein Schwager: Opfer Nr. 2
3. Ich Opfer Nr. 3
Ich war 16 als ich meinen Mann kennen gelernt habe. Er war der jüngste von vier Kindern. Er hatte drei ältere Schwestern. Eine dominante Mutter, die seinen Vater als Taugenichts darstellte. Die Kinder ahmten es nach und hatten bis zu seinem Tod 2003 keinen Respekt vor ihm. Mit 18 heiratete ich, weil ich schwanger war, mit 19 (1989) kam meine Tochter zur Welt. Ich musste, weil mein Mann nicht bereit war sein Elternhaus zu verlassen, zu ihm ziehen, das hieß Küche und Bad teilten sich 4 Generationen. Meine Schwiegermutter und ihre Tochter, die mit ihrer Familie nebenan wohnte, machten mir das Leben zur Hölle. Mein Schwiegervater sagte mir öfters, wie sehr er sich für das Verhalten seiner Frau schäme, ich wäre schon ok, so wie ich bin. Ich erlebte, dass mein Schwiegervater verbal und körperlich unter mithilfe der Kinder misshandelt wurde. Er war oft betrunken, er hatte resigniert. Nach einem Jahr zogen wir aus, weil ich flüchtete. Ich sagte zu meinem Mann, deine Mutter oder ich, ich kann sie nicht mehr ertragen. Von da ab lebten wir für uns. Unsere eheliche Beziehung war von Machtspielchen, Konflikten und Erpressung geprägt, das Verhalten seiner Mutter wiederholte sich bei meinem Mann. Ein friedliches Zusammensein war unmöglich, so sehr ich es mir auch wünschte und so sehr ich mich auch verbog. Es wurde immer schlimmer, ich war gar nicht mehr ich, ich war früher einmal fröhlich, jetzt weinte ich nur noch und war traurig und hoffnungslos. Es steigerte sich ganz allmählich von Jahr zu Jahr. Bis zum 6. Lebensjahr meiner Tochter hatte ich zu meiner Tochter eine innige von Liebe und Wärme geprägte Beziehung. Aber dann, als sie in die Schule kam, änderte sich meine Tochter, ganz, ganz schleichend. Ich verstand nicht, was da vor sich ging. Meine elterliche Autorität wurde mehr und mehr untergraben. Ich hatte große Zweifel an mir, machte mir Gedanken und Sorgen, wusste nicht was da vor sich ging. Heute weiß ich, es war der Faktor Zeit. Ab dem 6. Lebensjahr verbrachte mein Mann zum ersten Mal Zeit ALLEINE mit unserer Tochter, viel Zeit, sehr viel Zeit. Er war ab mittags zuhause. Ich war erst nachmittags da, am Abend wieder weg. So brachte ab da, er unsere Tochter zu Bett. Meine Tochter entglitt mir regelrecht. Ich weiß nicht, was er meiner Tochter über ihre Mutter erzählt hat. Ich weiß nur es war negativ. Von da an begann die Gehirnwäsche meiner Tochter. Ich kam immer mehr in eine Rechtfertigungsrolle, musste mich gegen Dinge oder Sachverhalte verteidigen, die nie geschehen sind. Ich entwickelte Schuldgefühle für Dinge, die ich gar nicht verbrochen hatte. Vater und Tochter wuchsen zu einer Einheit, ganz schleichend zusammen. Keiner von beiden sprach mehr von ich, sie sagten nur noch "Wir" und "Die da" ich war damit emeint. Ein unsichtbarer Graben tat sich auf, auf der einen Seite Vater und Tochter auf der anderen ich, ich sah hilflos zu. Heute nenne ich das folie à deux.
Katalysatorwirkung hatte die oben erwähnte Schwester meines Mannes. Sie stand eines Tages vor unserer Tür und wollte zusammmen mit ihrer damals 18-jährigen Tochter von uns aufgenommen werden. Ihr Mann habe sie und die Tochter geschlagen. Ich kannte meinen Schwager und konnte das einfach nicht glauben, mein Bauchgefühl sagte ganz deutlich, nein, dir wird Theater vorgespielt. DAMALS dachte meine Tochter auch noch so, kurze Zeit später war sie vom Gegenteil überzeugt worden. Heute weiß ich, es war eine Vorstufe von Rick's story (Bitte lesen Sie die Geschichte unter www.helpstoppas.com. Newsletter alle sehr lesenswert, 11-jähriger Sohn von der Mutter manipuliert erschießt seinen Vater) Meine Nichte ist mit einem Messer auf ihren Vater losgegangen. Die Intrigen der beiden neuen "Mitbewohnerinnen", sie haben ein halbes Jahr bei uns gewohnt, gaben meiner Ehe den Rest. Zwei Jahre später ahmte mein Mann das Verhalten seiner Schwester nach. Er suchte hinter meinem Rücken eine Wohnung, weihte unsere Tochter ein und ich stand von heute auf morgen in einer leeren Wohnung, ich wurde ohne dass ich je gefragt wurde, von Mann und Tochter vor vollendete Tatsachen gestellt. Das war im Oktober 2003, meine Tochter war damals 14 Jahre alt. Dann habe ich mich mit PAS (Parental-Alienation-Syndrome) befasst und wusste ich werde meine Tochter lange, lange nicht mehr sehen. Ich habe dreimal vor Gericht meine Sorge um meine Tochter kundgetan. Ich wurde mundtot gemacht, wichtige Unterlagen wurden mir vorenthalten. Mein Anwalt war sprachlos und fühlte sich hilflos, so etwas habe er noch nie erlebt. Bis heute versuche ich verzweifelt Kontakt zu meiner mittlerweile 17-jährigen Tochter zu bekommen, es ist zum verzweifeln. Mittlerweile habe ich Strafantrag gegen den Anwalt meines Mannes gestellt, weil er in einem anderen Verfahren nach dieser Vorgeschichte behauptete ich "kümmere mich in keinster Weise um die Tochter." Man hat mir gesagt, ich solle mir keine großen Hoffnungen machen, unsere Justiz ist korrupt.
Als ich verlassen wurde, wendete ich mich an meinen Schwager. Wir haben uns tiefe Einblicke in unsere Ehen gegenseitig gewährt. Das war sehr lehrreich. Wir erkannten erstaunlich viele Parallelen, es war erdrückend, uns fiel es wie Schuppen von den Augen. Die Abwertungen von uns als Partner und Eltern, die Kindesentfremdung, das Finanzielle, unsere Familien, Freunde und Arbeitskollegen wurden schlecht gemacht, wir wurden isoliert von unserem sozialen Umfeld. Auch erkannten wir, dass es unseren Schwiegervater genauso erging. Wir kämpfen bis zum heutigen Tag gemeinsam, alleine hätte ich das nicht überlebt. Meine Familie steht hinter mir, mein Schwager ist bei allen Terminen (Anwalt, Gericht, Jugendamt, Beratungsstelle, Familienkongress Vafk in Halle, Veranstaltung in Bozen, usw.) dabei und umgekehrt, wir haben einen Anwalt, gehen mit ihm unsere Fälle gemeinsam durch. Nur so konnten wir wieder etwas psychische Stabilität in unser Leben bekommen und auch wieder etwas Lebensfreude. Aber der Verlust unserer Kinder liegt wie ein dunkler Nebel über alles, was wir im Leben machen. Ich rede offen darüber, mein Schwager nicht so, aber er fühlt den gleichen Schmerz, das ist für mich deutlich spürbar. Er erlebt das Drama sozusagen zum zweiten Mal an meinem Fall.
Meine Geschichte oder besser Geschichten sind sehr komplex und für Außenstehende zu erst einmal sehr verwirrend. Sicherlich können Sie sich die Situation immer noch kaum vorstellen. Aber sie haben zumindest einen kleinen Eindruck gewinnen können.
An meinem Fall wird deutlich, dass es beiderlei Geschlecht treffen kann, eine Mutter und ein Vater sind betroffen, weil sie Geschwister heirateten, die eine emotional kalte Mutter haben und deshalb gefühlsmäßig amputiert sind und für den Rest ihres Lebens die eigenen Kinder als Waffe gegen den Ex-Partner einsetzen und so das Gift in die nächste Generation getragen wird. Ich sehe momentan keinen Weg diesen transgenerationalen Teufelskreislauf zu durchbrechen. Die dritte und vierte Person, die ich brauche (ein Richter und ein Therapeut, die eng zusammenarbeiten, Stichwort "Cochemer Praxis") scheint es in Bayern nicht zu geben. Meine Recherchen haben ergeben, dass die pathologische Allianz zwischen meiner Tochter und ihrem Vater eine Wiederholung ist von der Allianz zwischen meiner Schwiegermutter und deren Vater, also dem Opa meines Mannes.
Diese Menschen hatten alle als Kinder normale Gefühle, auf die aber nicht adäquat reagiert wurde. So verkümmerte ihre emotionale Entwicklung. Sie haben gelernt, es ist besser keine Gefühle zu zeigen, weil die Konsequenzen, wenn sie ihre Gefühle zeigten, immer negativ waren. Wie ein Kind, dass nur einmal auf eine heiße Herdplatte langt und dann nie mehr, weil die Konsequenz schmerzhaft war. Infolge dessen haben sie eine regelrechte Phobie vor Gefühlen entwickelt. Sie versuchen mit aller Kraft ihre Gefühle von sich fern zu halten, zu unterdrücken. Sie werden von unerträglichen Spannungen gequält, die sie fast nicht ertragen können. Sie müssen erst lernen, ihre Gefühle anzunehmen, sie zu erkennen, zu differenzieren, welches Gefühl in ihnen gerade hochkommt usw. Diese Menschen müssen gefühlsmäßig erst mal laufen lernen. Die Menschen die zu Täter wurden, sind alle ehemalige Opfer. Aber was das schlimmste ist, sie haben keine Einsicht in ihr Fehlverhalten. Sie haben kein Einfühlungsvermögen (bitte lesen sie bei Frau Dr. Karin Jäckel den Artikel "Familienterroristinnen", gilt auch für Männer). Ihre Persönlichkeit kann sich nicht normal entwickeln. Die Folge dieser emotionalen Vernachlässigung hat seit Mitte der 80-iger Jahre einen Namen bekommen: Borderline-Persönlichkeitsstörung, Frauen sind mehr autoaggressiv (ritzen sich, schlagen mit dem Kopf gegen die Wand usw.) Männer eher fremdaggressiv (bei meinem Mann war ich die Zielscheibe, er hat mich z.B. gewürgt vor den Augen meiner Tochter!) Ein gutes Buch zum besseren Verständnis ist z.B. "Ich hasse dich verlass mich nicht".
Daneben kenne ich einige betroffene Mütter.
Herr von Boch-Gallhau - PAS-Experte - (www.drvboch.de), wohnt in meiner Stadt, kennt meinen Fall, er war so nett und hat den Kontakt zu der betroffenen Mutter hergestellt, die ihre Geschichte auf der PAS-Konferenz in Frankfurt vorgestellt hat.
Im Bundesgebiet kenne ich noch einige mehr. Ich bin deutschlandweit auf der Suche nach betroffenen Müttern. Ein Vater vom Vafk hat mir auch schon Mütter vermittelt. Ich mache immer wieder die Erfahrung, dass viele sich zurückziehen und sich nicht trauen, ihr Schicksal der Gesellschaft zu zeigen. Aus den Erzählungen der Mütter entnehme ich, dass sie nicht einmal wissen, was da vor sich geht, welche pathologischen Mechanismen da am Werke sind. Viele werden mit Medikamenten ruhig gestellt, rennen von Arzt zu Arzt und werden nie gesund werden, so lange der Umgangsboykott andauert. Das berühmt "Ruhe"-Argument macht den lebenslangen Kontaktabbruch nur noch wahrscheinlicher.
Die Anwälte tragen auch ihr Schärflein dazu bei (lesen Sie bitte unter www.vater-frank.de "Brandstifter")
Ich werde den Rest meines Lebens damit verbringen, meinen Beitrag dazu zu leisten, dass künftig unsere Kinder besser geschützt werden. Wenn es auch für mein Kind zu spät scheint, aber unsere Gesellschaft steuert auf einen Supergau zu, unsere Kinder können keine Familien mehr gründen, weil sie keine Familien mehr erlebt haben. Unsere Familien liegen, wie damals nach dem Krieg in Schutt und Asche, und jeder schaut weg, keinen interessiert es.
Grüße aus Bayern
C. |
|
I really like your website. It has a lot of great information. My situation is a sad story. I had sole custody of my son for 15 years. In fact my son's father was only involved of and on but rarely for the first 11 years. I remarried when my son became 10 and that was the trigger for the alienation. In my case, my ex-husband was diagnosed with a mental illness very long ago. Of course he can function on a job but had many complications with his work and social interactions due to his mental state. Of course, to the unsuspecting- he can fool people for short intervals of time but with close inspection - it is apparent that that he suffers from mental problems and disorganized thoughts.
I knew that my son's father was becoming more and more negative towards me for reasons I didn't understand. I didn't realize that I was being alienated and I thought it was related to my ex-husband decompensating mentally. Since he had off and on had bouts were his mental state deteriorated - I thought it was due to this. I didn't really put it toegther until he involved the police and in hindsight I put it all together.
I really believe that PAS is a mental disorder. I think that in the more severe cases like mine, the alienating parents may also suffer from other co-morbid mental disorders. Over the years- I have seen my ex-husband deteriorate. He also suffers from what Dr. Scott Peck refers to as the evil disease. He has always been very evil and vindictive. If he gets mad at people he does viscious things Like slash tires and sue them in court, etc. I know that even before my son was placed with him- he was fearful of my ex-husband. I could never get it out of my son and when I would try to get my son to tell me why - he always would cry hysterically and uncontrollably. This pained me so much I didn't continue to try to get him to tell me. I believe that my ex-husband keeps my son controlled by telling him that if he doesn't stay he will kill me. My son once shared that he had no choice- that he had to go live with him. He always would say I have to Mommy.
I am sure you know that dealing with this thing is rough. I thought the pain would subside. What hurts the most- I live 7 minutes from my son and I could walk to where he lives. His school is closer to me than it is to him. I have to constantly stay busy to survive. My outlook has changed. I never take anything for granted and I appreciate small pleasures. I adopted a small dog and he makes me laugh alot.
What helps you to get though this?
|
|
My Story : H i live in South Carolina,i have two kids a son who is 23 now and a daughter 18 and i have a grandbaby i have seen only 4 times my son and daughter lives with there father my x husband and he has destroyed my realtionship between me and them well i married this man in 1981 and he started beating on me time we got married my story is a long one well i got pregant with my son and that didnt stop him from beating on me i almost lost my son many times well he was born on december 23 1982 well things got worse and see i worked and i took care of my kids and didnt do drugs or drank or smoke i was a good person and he was a woman beater and a sociopath well when my son got old enough to know how to tell a lie my x husband started brainwashing him about me he would tell him to go to school and tell the teacher that i would hit him and all it was is a lie i never spanked my son he would tell his dad that is a lie but my x would convince him to do it well he would get worse well in 1988 i had my daughter and when she was old enough he done the same i have always taught my kids not to lie but there father would tell them if you lie on mama i will give you money so my kids really ate that up i didnt have a chance then in 1995 my xhusband well i went to pick my kids up at my mom house and i walked in and found a note my x had left with another woman and that he hated me and he hated our kids well i knew he didnt love us so filed for a divorced on physical cruetly and adultery well as time went on that woman left him and then he wanted to visit with the kids and that is really when it gets worse through my divorced he would follow me and stalked me and when the kids would go visit there father he would tell them to find out what i was doing or who i was dating you woulnt believe the things my kids would say well long time after our divorced i was so scared to date well i meet this nice guy and he was good to me and my kids we went to church and they where selling pictures well i sold a lot and i got my pakage free so me and my son and daughter and fred had our picture made well somehow my son cut out a small wallet size and he had put it in his wallet so he went to visit his dad and two weeks later i got a knock on my door and it was a man from my x husband lawyers office and the papers said for me to go to court and my x husband was wanting the judge to order me not to ever get married and for his kids not call another man dad this is how he was well finally we broke up he couldnt deal with my kids after they would visit there dad they would call him all kinds of names like bad things and i know i didnt teach my kids like that well there father had to much control over them so later i ended up in the hosiptal with my nerves i had went through so much and my kids thins still got worse my x finally got married but i was happy he did maybe he would leave me and the kids alone well that didnt happen see my x husband and my kids had drain me dry and the kids admitted to me that there dad told them to run my power bill up and all kinds of things and steal my trailer payment well i finally lost my home and car and then it still got worse my mom died in 1999 well i tryed my best to get on my feet again i bought another trailer and put it on my moms land and that relly made that x of mine mad well they started the same thing again the kids would run my power bill up to 700 dollars and all knids of everythings well my daughter had got real bad she would jump on me and beat me and i couldnt whoop her because i know in my heart that the kids was under his control i thought when i got a divorced that he would leave us alone but that never happened well in 2000 i got my son ajob where i was a supervisor well i stopped by and picked him up i didnt know that his father and his new wife was separted well my son showed me a third degree burn on his leg he told me that his father was mad because he blamed me for them sepateing well i let my son out on side of the road and while i was sitting in my car my x came to my door and and grabbed me by my hair and threw me in the road and then he drugged me in his front yard and almost killed me in front of my son and see we wasnt even married he blamed me for his wife leaving him see i have worked two jobs that day i was so tired i tryed to fight and my son was begging him to stop and he didnt well i finally drugged myself to my car and my son was in there with me i called the law and they arrested him but he got out and it took about 2 years to go to court by then he had payed my son some money to lie and change in story well my x got by i felt like afoolin court i was so mad you dont do your childern that way well my daughter had been visiting with her dad on a weekend visit i was always scared how the kids would tell lies well in 2002 my daughter was 14 years old she had got back from visting her father and see by this time i was dating my husband now his name is roger well my x was very mad because the kids would tell that he would ask them all kind of questions well roger was a good man he dont drink and neither smoke and he was good to my kids and my x didnt like that well on a sunday i went to pick my daughter up at the our local sherriff office well they left and i got home that friday and see i was on depression pills well i thryed to find them and so i did my daughter and my neighbors daughter had stole them well when i went to pick her up she was acting weird i sat her down at the table and ask her all i did was talked to her and she jumped on me when i stood to get me some water and she almost beat me to death well i still love my kids so that night the next moring i took her to school and let her out well that day around 4.00 she didnt get off the bus so i called everyone and about 2 hours our local sherriff office pulled in my yard and i asked them what was going on well they said that my daughetr had told the teacher that my husband now had blew on her belly and he wasnt even there this is when we where dating he loved my daughter well here goes my adughter in dss custody and robert my x and my daughter framed me and roger up they didnt even have no prove and i tryed to tell the dss how that man was well see he had money well i finally lost my daughter my x got her and the dss put her with him and her stepmom and i lost my second home i had a heartattack well finally i married roger i have lost everything and my x would laugh at me in front of the kids he is so evil well my health got worse when my daughter went to her dads house he went to anger management classes and i know he only done that to make hisself look good well i told my daughter as long as she lives with her dad until she gets 18 i wasnt going through what i have had to endure and my daughter sayed she understand well when she was 16 her father let her quit school and get married and now she is 18 and has a 7 month daughter and she has left her husband and lives with her father and my son does know and see in these 3and half years i have got diabetes and on a breathing machine and my heart is failing my daughter found out how bad i was sick so july she came to see me and brought my grandbaby to see i was so happy to see them well she came a few times one night i was talikng to her on the phone and she change her voice it is hard to explain she told me that i was only her birth parent and her real parents is her dad and her stepmom it sound like it was her father would say so i told her until she can respect me and talk nice dont come around me because i told her i am to weak to fight that man anymore i told her one day you will see what your has done to your mine and see her father dont care i want to see my kids and be with my grandbaby so much but what little time i have left hear on this earth i want it to be peaceful i worry about my kids day and night that one day they will see i dont want to hate there father never all i wanted was them to visit there father and be happy but all of this hell i have been through that man i was married to stills brainwashing my kids and when my granbaby gets old enough he will do her the same way this man will never stop i want a reationship and a honest one from my kids she told me that night on the phone that her father wants you to die you dont do innocent childern that way this man has used them to lie for him and to destroy me which now i live in a small trailer and will never be able to work and my husband dont make much we just verally get by and he has a house and he drives a truck and he has my kids turned against me and all i did was divorced him i know i should had left him but this man would really hurt me and to my mom was so sick i couldnt leave her behind i think about everyday now that i should had left him long ago and him never to see his kids again because you dont use your kids to get what you want ansd you dont do kids that way this is not all i just wish i can help my kids see what this man has done to them like you say it is child abuse and when my kids where little he would tell our son he was stupid all kind of names that would raelly hurt my kids has suffered so much that man has destroyed my life and took away my kids innocent i wish people would see that this is a problem in the USA kids and the good parent is the one who suffers.So stop this deadly form of child abuse.Sincerly J. L.
|
|
My Story : Hi, I am mid-way between elation and despair. When the book "A Kidnapped Mind" was recommended to me by a fellow step mother, I decided to pick it up. I finished the book in two days and it was indeed an eye-opener for me. I had little knowledge of Parental Alienation or Hostile Parenting. I am married to a wonderful man who adores his nine year old daughter. She lives with her mother, who has interim custody. Dad has strict, court-ordered, bi-weekly visits and little contact with his girl other than the occasional phone call or voice message she sometimes sneaks in to us between visits. Where to start? She does love her dad but is sometimes unable or unwilling to show it. She is fine until something happens (they are playing and she gets a bump on the leg, etc)She becomes enraged with her father. She is quick to point out his faults and if he does not live up to her expectations she uses manipulative guilt trips in order to get what she wants. She has been and continues to be greatly influenced by her mother, who openly displays her hatred toward her father. Virtually every drop off offers my step daughter the awful experience of witnessing her mother berate, curse at and generally denigrate my husband. She has threatened him with their daughter in just about every manner I can think of.."give me the F*()ing money or you won't see her again", "cooperate with me you piece of s&%#t or you won't see her again" or " I will make sure that your daughter hates you", all in front of their child. It is heartbreaking. One day we went for breakfast with some friends. My step daughter was happily chatting away when she suddenly looked at my friend and said "my mommy hates my daddy, do you know why? I don't know why my mommy hates my daddy!" She then proceeded to the table next to us and began asking the same question to people she had never seen before in her life! It was devastating to see this happen. At five years old, she had some huge adult issues in her mind and in her heart. She was admitted to hospital when she was six after a vomiting stint led us to the emergency room when she was visiting. Her fear/anxiety reaction prompted the staff to question us about her home life. For four days she remained in hospital and the social worker told her father she would be going home with him until further notice. We could not (and would not) believe our ears! Well, two days later the whole thing was reversed and she ended up going back home. During her stay at the hospital, her mother did not come for one visit. Her father and I took turns staying overnight at the hospital. The day before her follow up visit, we got a call saying Mom could not bring her and demanding my husband go pick her up and bring her back. No medical basis was found for her vomiting. So many incidents happened during this darling little girl's life that I could go on recounting for days. Fast forward to a beautiful nine year old who is desperately confused and who is so starved for affection for her mother that it hurts to look at her sometimes. She has an empty look in her eyes that betrays her smile. We fought to get her into counseling for three years and recently she was allowed to go. No one advised her father about the counseling until we left yet another voicemail with Child Protection begging them to help her. We were then advised that she had been seeing a counselor for a month, at least theoretically. Child Protection paid for the counseling because they saw the extreme need to have her there, gave all control to the mother and promptly shut the file tight before she even received her first counseling session. My step daughter is brilliant and she is in a modified academic program at school. She floats in and out of "behavior plans" and experiences many "think tanks" as a result of her behavior. She is labeled the problem child. She has never been tested for any learning disabilities or behavioral disorders, with the exception of a primary assessment from the district psychologist when she was in either kindergarten or grade one. We were told she had no concept of repurcussions. He called her narcissistic. He was concerned with her behavior and with the results of the tests. What now??? Where does the help come from??? Well, that was the extent of his involvement. The list of frustrations and disappointments is long. The real defeat lies in the fact that my husband does not share custody, despite countless social workers from Child Protection whispering "off the record" that he needs to get her out of there. We have no money to pursue a more than $20,000 venture with little chance of victory, as per the many legal firms we have consulted. So, we plod forward and resolve to continue to help her the best we can. Don't talk about Mom.Just love this little treasure. Try to understand her. Give her room to breathe and grieve. Love her unconditionally-that one is easy. My husband is worn thin and I can see the sparkle in his eyes dim as time goes on. He dies in between visitation. When he goes to pick her up, she picks his spirit up and he comes alive again-only to repeat the cycle on Sunday evening. We will never give up. Each tiny success we have with her is celebrated. We try not to wince when she tells us about how Mom says I am stupid because I let the dentist take out the wrong tooth, or how Dad is a jerk and is selfish because he is rich and won't share his money. Calm,cool and collected. We explain that no, the dentist took out the right tooth-we are not rich-we are working. Don't say the "M" word. Keep it "in this house". Keep it about us and only us. It is an exhausting war. As in any war, there are no winners, only casualties. In this case, the primary casualties are two of the people I love most on this planet. I dream of a peaceful existence, for everyone-even "M"
|
|
My Story : HELLO, I AM GOING THRU A DIVORCE AFTER OVER A 20 YEAR MARRIAGE,I DONT BLAME HER OR MYSELF FOR THAT!WE HAVE BEEN SEPERATED AND GOING THRU THIS DIVORCE FOR OVER A YEAR,THE FIRST FEW VISITS WITH MY 3 CHILDREN WHERE FINE,AND THEN I NOTICED A CHANGE IN THEM,MY SON WHO I WAS CLOSE WITH,STARTED ACTING MAD WHEN HE WAS WITH ME,AND MY TWO GIRLS WHERE ACTING A LITTLE FUNNY,I ASKED THEM ONE AT A TIME AT DIFFERENT TIMES WAS SOMETHING WRONG,AND THEY WOULD TELL ME IN NOT SO MANY WORDS THAT THERE MOM WAS SAYING NOT SUCH GOOD THINGS ABOUT ME,I TOLD THEM SOMETIMES PEOPLE SAY THINGS WHEN THERE MAD WITHOUT THINKING,IN THE MEAN TIME,WE HAVE WENT TO COURT FOR VISITATION,I AM SUPPOSE TO HAVE THEM EVERY OTHER WEEKEND,WELL SHE ONLY LETS ME GET THEM 2 DAYS A MONTH,AND HAS CELL PHONES FOR THEM ALL AND CALLS AND ASK ALOT OF THINGS,I TOLD THEM WHY DONT THEY JUST TALK TO THERE MOM ABOUT THERE FEELINGS,THEY SAID...WE DONT WANT TO MAKE HER MAD!ALSO IN THE MEAN TIME I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BLATTER CANCER,AND I DONT KNOW WHAT THE OUTCOME WILL BE,I LOVE MY CHILDREN SO VERY MUCH AND THERE MOTHER HAS MADE IT SO I CANT SPEND WHAT MIGHT BE MY LAST DAYS WITH THEM,SHE TOLD ME SHE HATES ME AND THAT MY SON DOES NOT EVEN WANT TO COME SEE ME THAT SHE MAKES HIM,MY ONE DAUGHTER TOLD SOMEONE THAT SHE WILL BE GLAD WHEN SHE CAN MAKE HER OWN CHOICES ABOUT HOW MUCH TIME SHE SPENDS WITH HER DAD,I DONT WANT TO FIGHT WITH THERE MOTHER,AND WONT!BUT I JUST WANT TO BE AS BIG OF A PART OF MY KIDS LIFE AS I CAN BE!I WANT THEM TO KNOW THAT,THERE MOTHER AND MYSELF GOT DIVORCED,BUT ...WE DIDNT DIVORCE THEM!I THINK WE SHOULD WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE THIS AS EASY OR TRY TO KEEP IT AS NORMAL AS FOR THEM AS WE CAN,I DONT BAD MOUTH THERE MOM AROUND THEM,AND I NEVER WILL,I WOULD NEVER HURT MY KIDS LIKE THAT NO MATTER HOW I FEEL ABOUT THERE MOM!WELL WITH ALOT OF PRAYERS AND GODS WILL,I WILL GET THRU THIS,AND BE ABLE TO BE THE FATHER I WANT AND MY KIDS NEED ME TO BE!!
|
|
My Story : I grew up thinking my mother was the enemy. My Dad's mother spent most of my childhood telling me stories, and lies about my family and mom,whom she hated with a passion. We didn't really understand what was going on until I was grown and came to realize that stuff wasn't true. Now Grandma has started over on another generation. She has sussessfully turned my 13 year old son against me. A few months ago she and my aunt(who lives with her) called my ex husband ( who has more or less been out of the children's lives for years) and told him I was going to kill my son. He flew up here from Florida and filed for a protection order, and got temporary custody of my 2 kids. TO save them from going thru having to testify against me on allegations of abuse ( that my daughter does not agree with and does not believe, but my son does) we did an agreed entry and I got her back and gave him custody of my son. I was niave and thought if he was in Fla he would be far enough away from Grandma and my aunt that I could work on repairing the relationship. Recently she paid for my ex to get an apartment here in Ohio and start causing grief all over again. We have to go back to court in September. I never in a million years realized what was happening, I thought he was just going thru teenage rebellion until it got really bad, and now I am trying to figure out what to do next. She has been telling the kids evidently for years that I was abusing them and has always told me that nothing I did raising them or disciplining them was right. My ex is furthering the fire by allowing him to spend time with them now that he is back here, and is right on the bandwagon so to speak telling my son he won't make him come for parenting time. I just want everyone to know that the alienator does not have to be an ex spouse or even a relative of the ex. THis whole thing is based around Grandma's deep seated hatred of my mother and she thinks I grew up just like mom. So now she has turned on me. I thought I could control what was going on because I knew what she had done to me and my brother, and I thought the kids needed all their family in their lives. Now my son hates me , his half sister and my mother and brother and only wants to have anything to do with his dad and my grandmother and aunt. I have been taking my daughter to the same psychologist that I took my son to years ago and he feels that Grandma has been setting the stage for this for years. My kids used to go over there all the time and I really didn't think too much of the bad behaviors when they came home. I just thought it was because Grandma let them do whatever they wanted. Now I am fighting to save the relationship I once had with my son, who doesn't want to have anything to do with me, even though I haven't done anything wrong.It took me years to make up with my mother, I was grown and had kids of my own before that relationship returned to a positive one. I don't want to see the same thing happen to my son or worse, him never realize what is happening to him and for me and the other people that love him unconditionally love him to lose him emptionally and mentally forever.
|
|
|
|
Latest News
|
|
