|
|
Letters from parents
click here to share your story
My Story : My husband and I have both been affected by this. First, my husband's story. In 1993, when his son was just 2 years old, his wife decided she was going to school in Washington (they lived in Alaska). She took everything with her, because the school thing was just a ploy to get my husband to help her pack, pay her rent. credit card bills, utility bills, and generally support her and their son for the next two years (she went to school all of two weeks). Finally, my husband found out she had been living with another man and asked for a divorce. Since that time, 1995, she has monitored all phone calls, denied visitation since 1999, not sent a photo since 1998, nor made a phone call concerning son since she left. All phone calls she did make were to accuse my husband of hiding money, not loving their son, and trying to harass and hurt her, etc. Of course, she made sure that the phone was always on speaker and that thier son was right there. In 1998, she started demanding an adoption/termination of parental rights. My husband refused until this year, June 19, 2006, when he legally lost his son. In reality, the loss happened years ago. Each phone call to him resulted in his son telling his father he was just trying to hurt his mother, he was harassing both her and him and he was a "dick" and he never wanted to see him, nor did he want him in his life. He has another son...or so he was told by his ex-fiance. This woman send's a picture and a letter to my husband's mother, once a year. However, she told my husband, when she was just three months pregnant (1996), that he was NOT to have anything to do with his child. She allowed him one visit, just after the birth, and one picture. She informed my mother in law she could visit the boy, but must NEVER mention my husband. Since that time, she let it be known that she would continue to keep my mother in law "informed", but she was not to act, in anyway, like a grandmother. My story is about the same as my husbands. My first husband and I divorced when my daughter was 2 (1993). I let my ex-husband take full custody, believing it was in her "best interest". After a year, I saw there was going to be trouble. Two weeks after my announcement that I planned to move back to Arizona, my ex-husband announced he and his fiance planned to move to North Carolina. As soon as they were married I was addressed to my daughter as "Mommy Alison"...that only lasted two weeks and then I was just "Alison", or sometimes "Alison Hofstad-Benitz" (the names of my second ex-husband and current husband)...this was done by her new step-mother, my ex-husband doesn't refer to me at all. My daughter only continued to have two way phone conversations with me for one month. Since that time she will only answer "yes", "no" questions. At the age of 12 she told me my phone calls caused her "physical and emotional trauma" and if I cared anything about her I would stay out of her life completely. I made a compromise with her...I would no longer call if she would answer my letters. I have received, eight letters in two and one-half years...all completely typed, unsigned, and very short and impersonal. I try to send her a letter a month...most, as you can see, go unanswered. I have tried to talk with her step-mother, however, she completely ignores my requests for communications, photos, etc, and/or (according to my ex-husband) complains about how she shouldn't have to "put up with her shit" and I get the same attitude from him. I haven't had a picture of my daughter since approximately 1998. I have NEVER had a phone call returned (okay, once, but only because I had the police call their house), nor have they ever called or written to let me know how my daughter is doing. As far as my daughter is concerned, "It's okay for other people to have two mothers". I guess, just not her.
|
|
My Story : I have read many articles, letters and stories. All seem to suggest Parental Alienation Syndrome begins following a lengthy and heated court battle over custody of the children. Given my experience, I would have to suggest the onset of PAS can begin much sooner than that, with the symptoms manifesting outwardly, following divorce. If there is any doubt that the programming of a child, for the purposes of alienating a parent can begin long before the custody battle begins, I hope my story will shed some light on the subject. I am the mother of four daughters; their ages are 25, 23, 17 and 15. My second marriage was an abusive one. Like many women with young children, I suffered in silence. I believed my children deserved to have both a mother and a father. Void of what may be deemed the typical physical abuse, it was also fairly typical that friends and family didn't notice there was any type of problem between us. Emotional and sexual abuse inflicted by my now Ex-husband went unnoticed. I now realize my silence helped to facilitate the alienation process. When abuse involves verbal outbursts and frequent criticism dished up with a heavy dose of sarcasm; often times under the guise of "jokes"; and frequent sexual advances that are followed by extended periods of silence if rejected; it's hard to say one knows for certain they are being abused. The abuse escalated to expressed feelings of jealousy toward the children, temper tantrums that included physical contact with walls and doors around me, and accusations of extra martial relationships. Accusations that were impossible given I never left the house unless I was with my husband, or my children. The abuse did not become tangible for me, until it culminated in rape and sodomy. It was that particular incident, and the threats of repeated assaults that caused me to re-evaluate the relationship and in doing so, to rethink some of the other experiences I had had. If we had insufficient funds for something he wanted to do or buy, I was asked, "where did all the money go"? If I went out to work so that I could contribute to our financial needs, I was told, "You're never home". When I found work that I could do at home, in a home office situated in the same space as the children's toy area, "You never spend any time with your children" or "You're always working". Each time I altered my behavior I faced a new criticism. If the toys were not picked up and dinner on the table promptly, I was accused of having done nothing all day. All four children have very high scholastic abilities. They could spell their first and last name before they started school. They recognized colors, knew their alphabet, and could recite some of the times table before they started school. My husband worked full-time and was gone from 6 am to 5 pm Monday to Friday. I don't believe my children learned these basic skills during a naptime slumber. Therefore, it is a logical assumption; I had spent a sufficient amount of time with them. And yet, as a mother, I had no redeeming qualities. My eldest daughter was recommended to the enriched Math and English programs when she was in high school. My 17 year old, has achieved a grade average of over 90% throughout her first three years of high school. She received top honors in commencement from public school; taking 6 out of the 8 scholastic awards given for her graduating class. My 15 year old received an academic award also, and continues to be an honor roll student in Grade 9. My second daughter's accomplishments have been extremely limited. It was suggested 12 years ago, by more than one health care professional, the cause is severe psychological trauma. Raising four intelligent girls is an accomplishment. Raising them having been "always" absent from the home, and "never" having spent time with them would have been impossible. With such a long list of accomplishments, I find it hard to believe I severely failed my children. Unfortunately, with the exception of Jennifer, my daughters do not agree. From the time I was pregnant with our first child together I received direct criticism for nearly everything I did or didn't do to his liking. After taking some fairly drastic measures to escape the marriage, it ended 12 years ago. I assumed incorrectly that if I ended the marriage, I would also end the cycle of abuse. The options are not great for women who fall victim to this type of spousal abuse. Short of having the father of my children arrested for sexual assault, thereby voiding them of his presence completely, there are really no options. I had no evidence at the time the abuse had been harmful to our children. I felt compelled to make the best of a bad situation. He had not abused our children, and he has been a good father. However, I believe the abuse present in our marriage established the groundwork for the Parental Alienation Syndrome I have experience since our divorce 10 years ago. I left my husband to get away from the lies manifested to exact control. I received 8 months of counselling so that I could deal with the anger that comes from abusive relationships and the trauma of rape. I enrolled my children and myself in family counselling, and I was eager to start a new life with my children. Despite the abuse, I did everything in my power to ensure our daughters had easy access to both their father and myself. I ignored further abusive behaviors and I worked very hard to present a positive exterior when having to deal with my Ex. Largely due to the trauma of rape, I could not bring myself to be in a close proximity to him, but I didn't deny my children the opportunity. They spent time together one night every week, and usually every Saturday morning; with weekend visitation every other week. Oddly, it came as a shock to me that even after our divorce, he would not move on, and could still manage to find ways to manipulate. As a single parent, my typical day began at 5 am. Each and every day filled with as much as I could possibly accomplish.meals for 5, laundry for 5, homework for 4, baking cookies for fund raising events, sometimes for all four children at the same time, taking the children out for movies or an ice cream when I could afford it, working 10 hours a day to support the family beyond what child support would cover; a couple of hours of television in the evening and I was in bed by 10. As each child grew to an age where they could help with household duties, they were given chores, and each was responsible for keeping their own rooms clean. If there is a parent of four children in existence; single, married or otherwise involved, who doesn't work constantly, I'd be very surprised. I have remained socially active, pursued outside hobbies and interests when there was time, enrolled in two post secondary school courses because they interested me, and for 10 years I have been involved on a voluntary basis with the Foundation for Fighting Blindness. These are all efforts on my part to portray to my children what I would consider to be normal life for a single, socially aware woman in her 30's and 40's. Three of my children are now also involved in the volunteer work. The symptoms of PAS presented almost immediately. I heard over and over, the same criticisms, in exactly the same phrases, as those I had dealt with from him directly; first from my eldest 2 daughters, and later from the younger ones. Imagine how frustrating it might be to take your children out for dinner and to the movies, only to have those memories erased with "You never spend time with us", just a few days later. Imagine how frustrating it is to have baked 20 dozen cookies for a school fundraiser, only to hear "You're never home", less than a week later. It's difficult to fight what is not real, and yet very real to the young mind that truly believes it is. If I went out with friends, or to work, or to school, I heard, "You're never home". For the past 5 years, I have had a home-based business. Spending nights working while watching television in the living room with my two youngest daughters was very common. I am repeatedly criticized for "always working" and "never spending time with them". I tried to involve them in my business, giving them small jobs to do; for which they received minimum wage. Again, I received criticism. On the occasions when I have gone out for an evening, I have left my eldest daughter to care for the two youngest children. Not only did I hear that I'm never home, but also that I must not want to be a mother. I have been told, by my Ex, on many occasions the reason my children do not speak to me themselves is because they are afraid of me. I experienced what I believed at the time was separation anxiety with one of my two younger children. It appeared to be similar to when a parent takes their children to daycare or school for the first time and was prevalent in returns from Dad's house. I asked him to make his departure more rapid; I was told I was uncaring and insensitive, however he complied and the situation seemed to diminish until gone. If I was not home, for whatever reason, I was scolded openly for being absent. Being a responsible parent, I would never leave children 4 and 5 years old unsupervised. If I could not be home at anytime or for any reason, the oldest was there. She had been asked to watch her sisters on many occasions before the divorce. There was no reason to think it would be an issue afterward. Two years ago, the two youngest children told me they wanted to live with their Dad. When asked why; my children echoed the reasons."You're never home, you're always working, and you never have time for us". They added they would be happier if they didn't live with me anymore. I knew in my heart the change would not be good. I was worried that without my daily presence, my children would be consumed. Consumed by the insecurity, hatred, and the bitterness that exists within the man to whom I was once married. Without constant reminders of the things we did together.movies, dinners, television, homework and weekend adventures, they would be all but replaced with a version of reality that does not and has never existed. I considered denying my children the option, however I did seek the advice of a Family Councillor. He emphatically supported the best interest would be served by respecting the wishes of the children. A few days ago, and on the eve of my youngest daughter's 15th birthday, she told me sometimes she hates me; that I'm to blame for everything that has happened. That when she lived with me, I never did anything accept work; and that she and her sisters did everything else. She doesn't want to see me anymore and she did not care if I ever call her again. I have not spoken to her since. I don't know what to say. And, I don't want to say anything that will make it worse. I need help, but I don't really know where to turn. My oldest, through therapy; therapy she initiated, has come to terms with what she was told versus what is real. We have a very close relationship and she has been is a huge source of strength for me. My last three daughters have all rejected the suggestion of counselling. If I needed to help them by never calling or never seeing them, it would hurt me beyond words, but I would do it. I would do anything for my children; I want them to grow up to be happy, and healthy adults. My fear is they will never have that chance. And, I fear that because they are so filled with emotional abandonment issues, real or imagined, they will never know what it is like to have a normal life. I fear they are so filled with guilt they may harm themselves. If you have advice on how I can keep my children safe from the damage of PAS, please help.
|
|
My Story : I have been reading all of the letters from your sight, and take a small comfort in knowing that I am not alone. I am a woman who left an extremely violent man who is also an alcoholic 11 years ago, and raised our son and daughter as well as any single mother could. I was awarded sole custody after a 2-year long battle in 1995.I am an RN with a decent job, and worked hard to make sure that my kids had the same things that other kids had, even cars. Both of my kids did well in school and my daughter graduated in 2005. My Ex was never involved in their lives, except to manipulate them to defy me and lie to me, which made my job alot harder. They would frequently complain that he talked bad about me all of the time, and my daughter stopped visiting him at age 13 after he got drunk and pulled his fist back like he was going to hit her during a black-out because he was mad at his current wife. He would sometimes call me and act romantic, which made me sick, and attempt to get me to go out to dinner with him, but I never did. This man had broken my bones, and I once even had to have surgery from the DV. My infant daughter was in my arms when this beating occured. Anyway, my son who is now 14 got mad at me in November 2005, because I wouldn't agree to let him miss a whole week of school for Deer Hunting Season, and told his Dad, who jumped at the opportunity to file for custody, since he was mad because I had remarried last Summer to the man I have been with for 10 years. That is when the severe PA began, and my son began being controlled by his Father. His Father began calling daily, and then began showing him Court Documents, and saying that I was trying to get him arrested and was lying on him in Court. My son would treat me well when alone with me, but when he was with his Father he would ignore me, or treat me with extreme disrepect. In May, he picked my son up for a week-end visitation, and while I was at a Memorial Day Event, had my 14 year old son take every single stitch of clothing, TV's, VCR's, and EVERYTHING out of his room and moved it to his house. He told my son you live HERE, and then kept my son from all of his friends, family, and me for the next 2 months. When I went to get my son his Father charged out of the house like a raging bull and came to the car and threatened to kill me and my husband, while my son stood on the porch and watched. During these two months I made 57 phone calls to his house, and 18 trips to attempt to see my son, none of them successful. We finally got a 30 minute hearing in front of a different Judge than the one who originally heard the case just this week. One would think that this was a pretty cut and dry case, but to my surprise, the Judge heard one witness,my son, who was made to testify in front of me and his Father (his Fathers idea). I know that they are supposed to interview the child alone, but the Judge just didn't. My 14 year old son took the stand and cried and lied. I couldn't believe the stuff that came out of his mouth. It was like my Ex was talking through him. He doesn't have a thought of his own left. My Lawyer had to show him pictures to get him to "remember" vacations and even a trip to Disneyworld with me and his Stepfather. He couldn't even "remember" who took him to see his Neurosurgeon the last 30 times (always me). He was afraid to even wipe his nose! My Ex has been married 5 times, arrested for DV, Stalking, Violating a Protection Order, had 5 DUI's, one which was just last year which involved passing out and crashing into a building, and recently resisted arrest by refusing to come out of his house when he threw his last wife through a window, and had to be brought out by a SWAT Team, at which time he was going to shoot the Sheriff. He is also a diagnosed Sociopath. Anyway, this crazy Judge took my PAS son's words at face value, and actually gave this man temporary custody pending a GAL evaluation. He even ordered me to pay retroactive child support for the last two months back to the date that he stole him against a custody order. He was legally in Interference With Custody, but this Judge could have cared less. I am in shock that this kind of thing can go on. My son is a straight A student. He has not seen his lifelong best friends for two months. His Father has completely isolated him from all of the people who have loved him his entire life. He would not even speak to me or his Grandparents at Court. He looks like he has Stockholm Syndrome. When I do get to talk to him, he is really mean to me, and his Father's mouth is always in the background telling him what to say. This is a classic case of a batterer continuing to batter and control through their children, and the Court is supporting it, even rewarding it. My son is a prime candidate to become a batterer when he grows up. My Lawyer says that my son is damaged and programmed. My heart is broken. Anyone who says that PAS is junk science has never lived through it.
|
|
My Story : I haven't seen my 4 kids for 4 years (aged 14 to 21) I'm a social worker who runs a 20 bed group home for adolescents...how ironic! She dumped me for another guy, and brainwashed the kids to believe it was all my fault! I still send cards & letters, with no reply. I've had therapy & support groups, re-married, & moved on as much as I can. God bless any child or parent who has fallen victim to this terrible syndrome.
|
|
My Story : My story is not about the hate vindication and fear that leads to the level of classical PAS. It is about the fear and aggression that distorts facts and a court system that is weighted in the direction of hearing-is-beliving, the "larger income gets the child", and a court that does not search into the "other side" of an issue. I live 1/2 mile from my daughter and her mom. I bought the house (cheapest in town I believe) so our daughter could get to school on the bus from either parents home. That was 7.5 yrs ago and the hope just died with the latest round in this long court process. My atty gave away custody w/o confering w/me. I tried on the issue of Supervised Visits and lost. My "ex" lives a fear based lifestyle. She placed me on a pedistal @ our meeting and has since (5-7 yrs of 'marriage' later) demonized me. She makes about $100,000 p/yr while I make $30,000. She and her attornies have done everything possible except for a restraining order to part myself and my step da, her's from a second marriage, and our daughter (10 yrs younger). The three of them have gone 1.500 mi to visit my father, but I've not been able to visit while my da. was there. They have visited my sister, 1.5 hrs away, again I/m not able to share my da w/ my family (the mother would feel left our - a very painful experience for her). She has required Supervised Visits 2 - 3 yrs now due to my supposed danger to our daughter (about 16 X p/yr @ $50 a visit). My da has been to my house 1.25 hr in 7 yrs and only when family has picked her up and been present (supervised again, I suppose) My da loves me and we both demonstrate this with physical contact - the GAL and atty have attempted to sexualize this contact. (My X was a member of Sex and Love Addicts Annonymous for 10 yrs). Because her fa. was absentee father (she claims he was an abandoning alcoholic (her wrds) I believe (I am a Marriage and Family Psychotherapist) she does not realize our da needs anything more from her fa (me) than she recieved. We live in a very liberal area (Newsweek had a front cover of 2 women holding hands - Northampton, MA, 6 mi away) and possibly like many areas of the country - the custodial parent is afforded more weight in Family and Probate Court, the system here is even greater squewed toward mothers. This is a 7 yr old story, begining @ my da's 2.5 birthday - she's 10 the end of this month. She had to grow up awfully fast. (Actually didn't, she's pretty immature - court said she plays w/dolls like a child 5 yrs younger than she is. A group of them are always set up, aside. This group she's given the same name as my family surname. Much is left out, this is but a thumbnail sketch. I've added it here for those cases not to the level of PAS (the step da loved me...when the mother entered the room she'd slide down the other end of the couch. When the mother would leave the room she'd slide back under my arm. Now will not respond to my "Hello" ventures. SHE is alienated). But to show other men and women that stuff happens and it can still seperate loved ones - parents and children. There is damage, children suffer/are bereft of the mitigating influence of a second parent w/o full blown PAS. Court systems DO damage lives. (My judge is a former social worker and mediator. I am both plus a GAL). 7/8/06
|
|
My Story : I am the father of two wonderful boys who refuse to see me and usually swear at me or hang up when I call them each week. These are the same children that I read stories to,held their hand till they fell asleep, took to their Tai Kwon do lessons, participated in Scouting events with, helped with school projects, helped build a tree house in our back yard, went on bike rides with, etc. I had been married for about 14 years when my wife told me she wanted a divorce. Shortly after that, she left. She stayed with some friends for a couple of weeks then moved in with her boyfriend. I stayed at our home with my sons (my mother in law lived downstairs) for the next eight months till the house was sold. Not once did their mother take them to her new home. She came by during the day and left as soon as her mother returned from work. She told our sons about our upcoming divorce one day when I was at work. (I worked three jobs because she refused to seek employment.) I have no idea what she told them and they didn't want to discuss the situation with me. During our marriage, my ex wife punches me in the face, pulled my hair out by handfulls, threw items at me and would talk with her mother about what a lazy idiot I was, usually in front of our sons. I paid for our divorce and her rent when she moved out. Shortly before we moved out of our home, my son's assaulted me with a board. My mother in law stood and watched, with a smile on her face. My significant other (whom I met in five months after their mother left) took pictures of the bruises and cuts on my body. My significant other and I introduced our children (she has a son two weeks younger than my oldest boy) by "accidentially" running into each other at a local amusement park. We spent the day with our children riding the rides and just allowing the natural process of getting to know each other to happen. My boys enjoyed my significant other's son and the boys seemed on their way to a friendship. We took great care to not hold hands or kiss each other because we didn't want to put anymore stress on anyone involved. The kids seemed to like her. When my soon to be ex wife found out she had a fit. She didn't want my boys around "Daddy's girlfriend." The house was sold and the boys went to live with their mother. I moved in with my significant other. The first sign that she wasn't going to honor our joint legal custody status came when she became angry that I called my sons once a day. "Is this going to be an everyday thing?" Then came the incident when I went to pick up my sons and my oldest son was angry with me, why I still don't know, and began to throw ice balls at my car. His mother stood on the porch with her arms crossed and smiled. The boys would tell me stories about one of their mother's roommates coming home drunk and parking his car in the middle of the yard. When I asked my ex about this she told me to mind my own business, the boys were lying. The weekend my oldest son attempted to assault me and my signifiant other threatened to call the police was the last visit he made to my home. That was before we had been divorced a year. Once five days went by and my calls were unanswered and unreturned. I called the police, explained the situation and said I was afraid something might have happened to my ex and my boys. After the police made a stop at their home and found them all there, I received a call from one of my ex's roommates telling me that she didn't appreciate my calls and why didn't I just do what was best for my sons and go away and leave them alone! My youngest son continued to visit. He was very anxious and tearful during one visit and finally told me that his mother's relationship with her boyfriend had ended and she was so sad and crying all the time. I hugged my son and told him that he could always call me if he felt afraid. I bought him a cell phone that weekend which he said would make him feel safer. My ex called immediately after I dropped him off to tell me how stupid it was to buy him a cell phone. She moved the boy without informing me. She changed their schools without informing me. And, she moved a new boyfriend in. I set up a mediation session through the Family Courts in Minnesota. My ex entered this meeting stating that she had absolutely no idea why she was there. The mediator told her I had a right to call the boys, once a day. She also instruced my ex to take them to therapy. The ex then instructed the psychologist to not give me any information on their sessions. When I finally faxed documentation of our joint legal status, he told me he had terminated the therapy because my boys refused to talk with him. My boys screamed at me on the phone about how they were not crazy and their mom had told them that I wanted them to go to therapy because I thought there was something wrong with them. During the second mediation session, my ex agreed to comply with our divorce decree. Then came the fourth of July. We traded off certain hoidays and this was my year to have them. When I called to make arrangements to pick them up their mother told me she had already made plans for them. During my next cal, the boys told me they hadn't gone to the fireworks. Their mom hadn't felt good. When I asked my ex about it she said she had never told me they were going to fireworks. She refused to attend school conference with me, the school was unwilling to set up two different sessions, so I didn't go. My oldest son was in a car accident. I found out about it months later. I had scheduled a third mediation session and received a call from the mediator rescheduling. She said the ex was "due" in a couple of days. My response, "Due for what?" The ex was pregnant and had instructed the boys to not say a word to me about it. Who were my boys supposed to process their feeling with? I didn't think it could get any worse. Then I married my significant other. The boys refused to attend the wedding. "It's only a wedding," was their comment to me. Now, four yeas later, I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen my boys. If they answer the phone at all, they swear at me or usually just pick it up and hang up immediately. (Or someone in the house does.) On Father's Day this year, I had made plans to see my younger son and he had to stay home and babysit his little sister at the last minute. The ex had errands to run. No visit. After the ex told me my oldest son wasn't home (and has been telling me this for months) he suddenly got on the phone and screamed at me that I had abandoned them, had abused their mother, ruined his life and "I wish I'd kicked your teeth down your throat when I'd had the chance." She's told the boys I don't love them. She has them convinced that I physicall abused her even though they witnessed the abuse she did to me. I know how crazy this all feels to me so I can just imagine what my boys go through. She has told them I divorced her despite the fact that she left and was extremely vocal about divorcing me. My ex mother in law took me to court for repayment of all the gifts she gave my ex and I during our marriage. The judge informed her these were gifts to her daughter and I. Did she want her daughter to repay her too? Of course, she didn't. I sent a leter to Family Court a couple of weeks ago and received notice yesterday that the case has been assigned to a judge and I will be receiving infomation on upcoming court dates. I don't even know how to begin to tell you how painful this is. I know absolutely nothing about my boys. Nothing. When I've attempted to ask my ex why they are so angry with me her response is always the same, "I have no idea why they are angry with you. I encourage them to see you." The therapist I have been seeing encouraged me to continue to call. She described the situation to me like this: They are living in a war zone and they do what they have to do to survive. My boys have become increasingly withdraw through the past four years. When I have been able to get them for a visit, after about an hour they seem to let down their guard and I see my sons again. As soon as we begin the drive back, they would tense up, usually getting out of my car without saying good bye. Their mother is always watching at the door or out a window. I send them cards, sometimes with money and never know if they have received them or not unless I ask. They never talk about anything fun or any new item they might have bought with the money. They tell me they hate me but don't have a response when I ask them what I did to make them feel this way. More often than not, I cry when I get off the phone with them. They ask me why I don't sell my personal belongings so I can send their mom more money, despite the fact that I do pay my child support. When I came upon financial hardships last year and had it modified for several months, they called me cheap and lazy. I never had a definition for what was going on until my wife found information on PAS. My ex wife's picture ought to be posted next to the definition. Now, I hope that the courts will intervene. It's scary because I don't know if my relationship with my oldest son can be repaired. I fear for the boys well being because I know they don't want to live with me and if the courts do make a change in physical custody, my ex may never speak to my youngest son again. It is a no win situation for everyone involved. I don't say anything negative about their mom. I've told them when they have been being rude that I know that their mother and I didn't raise them to speak to anyone this way - they have no response. When I remind them of the fun times we've had in the past, they get very quiet. They don't know what to say. I thought I'd get a screaming phone call from the ex when she received the letter from court. So far, nothing. I'm pretty sure that my boys will be even more angry with me (if that's possible) during the upcoming months. Their mom has them convinced tha she is being victimized by me and all I really want is to see my children. I just hope that more and more people will become aware of PAS. It's so unfair and the kids are who suffer the most. I will write again when there is some court outcome.
|
|
This week I have called my children several times. Today is Tuesday and since Sunday I have called my daughter six times. She doesn't answer her phone. Since Sunday, I have called my son three times and sent him seven IMs. He doesns't answer me. This is typical. Since 2000 I have been alienated, by my children, now 18, and 21. I am a mom, whom has lived without her children; a mom whom is not allowed vistation with her children. I have never been accused or convicted of a crime. I have never ever used drugs, never abused my children, and always had a highly respectable career, and place in society. My children have been brainwashed to ignore me.Their dad, my abusive ex husband, has severely emotionally damaged my children. They became motherless one April night, in 2000.Even though they are older, now, Xhusband still hides my children from me, via mind games and manipulation. You just can't take the mother away from children, and expect them to flurish and grow without emotional distress. Being alienated from my children, is my "punishment" for divorcing my very abusive husband. He promised he would take my children and everything I had, if I divorced him. My story is very long and detailed, and full of horror. This is a simple summary of our lives, for the last 6-8 years. |
|
Please help me. I cannot tell you what my 2 children, now 14 and 17 and I have gone through at the hands and sick mind of their father, an abusive police officer who has never been charged and manipulates the system.
He first had me arrested in 2001 after he had been gone for 3 years and had to start paying child support. He asked for and manipulated the custody assesor to get interim custody and used the kids as pawns for 2 years, telling them they could come home when I got a teaching job.
My children and I have a neuromuscular disease and I very reluctantly gave up my spousal support to ensure return of my children and as my lawyer suggested, get away from his harassment. Instead it did not stop and he manipulated the children with his great amount of money and told them that I had mental problems, to live with wim to have control and not pay child support. We were always very close and now my chuildren want nothing to do with me. My legal aide lawyer says that there is nothing we can do about my son due to his age and that the courts will listen to my daughter even though she was brainwashed.
What can I do?
Thank you so much,
|
|
My Story : I have been very active in my daughter's life. Then her mother stopped letting us see each other so many times. Now she is saying false things against me to not let me see our daughter. It's been over a month now and she's asking for supervised visitation. We lived togther for like 8 months and all of a sudden this is going on. All I know is I will never stop trying to see my daughter.
|
Back to top |
|
My son is 15 & my daughter is 10. Their mother has custody of them from a Scioto County, OH March 2001 ex-parte order. She was very physically abusive to my mother, who is now 69 & me. She has scared & threatened the life of my 75 year old handicapped father. She has moved from NJ to OH to NY from 2000-2003. My parents & I, who love my children very much, have only been "able" to see my children about 4 times since she began moving around the country, disobeying court orders, & making false accusations about my parents & me. She states in court that because my mother, who currently works as an RN is older, she is unable to care for my children. Each time she left a state, it was because she committed fraud. In NJ, she committed insurance fraud. In OH, her parents & her left abruptly during a FEMA fraud investigation. At present, she lives with her boyfriend in Dutchess County, NY. He drove 4 hours & assaulted me in my backyard on December 22, 2003. In April 2004, my daughter had a stab wound. The NY family court, Guardian Ad Liteum, State Police, & Child Protective Services refuses to investigate the matter because "Arlington School District finds nothing wrong." Arlington School District has violated court orders & FERPA laws by refusing me any information about my son & daughter. In September 2004, my daughter went to Vassar Brothers ER again & a few days later had an MRI of her head. April 2005, my son went to the ER for suspicious injuries. My insurance company has no idea what occured to warrant an MRI & no one in NY will tell me what happened. Their mother refuses to allow me court ordered visitation & has gone to the extreme of lying to police & using the false reports to obtain orders of protection. The judge signed the orders of protection. One order was that I drove by her sister's house in NJ. I refuse to go anyway near her sister's house because her sister is very crazy. The other order was that I was at her home. I was at MY home & at a local Home Depot the exact time she states that I was in NY. No one will view my evidence that I am innocent. Meanwhile, each time I see my son, he is more sociopathic like his mother. I fear for my daughter's life. I also fear for the life of my new handicapped step daughter, my wife, my parents & my life because the mother & her entire family is sociopathic & with the family able to convince a stranger (her boyfriend) to assualt me, I can imagine the hold they have on my son who is already showing sociopathic signs. Her parents & sister moved 15 minutes away from me & her parents, sister, & her are often seen driving past my house in a slow, deliberately threatening way. Her father sexually abused her as a child & I fear that my son is being sexually abused by his mother & my daughter is being sexually abused by her grandfather. No one cares. The State of NY is paying for this mess because of all the state & county employees needed to sort out her lies, along with the fact she is recieving legal aid from Hudson Valley. NY will pay the ultimate price when my children are grown; living off the system like their mother, harming themselves & or others, & not living to their potential due to psychological problems from the constant abuse. That is, if their mother continues to live in NY & our children survive into adulthood despite the abuse from her family & her. I hope any "family court reform" will remove some of the bias that mothers are better parents & prevent people like their mother from needlessly draining the system & preventing real victims from recieving justice, along with ensuring, providing, & enforcing non abusive grandparents & elders rights to visit children amist nasty divorces. Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is real, it is dangerous, & it allows their mother to continue to physically abuse my son & daughter unabashed. What better way to isolate a child from all who love & care about them then to alienate the child? Hence, PAS. Thank-you for your time.
|
|
My Story : I would like to share with you something I recorded in 2002 when my youngest daughter was only 6 years old. I did not know back then anything about PAS or even what the letters stood for. Now 4 years later neither of my daughters speak to me now that they have been moved over 200 miles away. I keep an open mind and an open heart for them that someday they will return. Write to me if you would like to hear this wave file. It's sad that if I knew what I did today back then about PAS I wonder if my daughters would be still here or not? But I do know this one thing for sure, the courts don't care.
|
|
For some reason my ex-wife had put into our separation agreement what she called a "right of first refusal". Apparently it is pretty common. it called for an offer of parenting time to the other parent before utilizing a child care provider. One day during my visitation time with the boys I heard them discussing their babysitter, "Barb". It turned out that during one weekend my ex had gone to a conference and had called someone to come over and baby-sit all day long. When I filed a contempt based on the agreement she lied to the court and told them she had offered the kids to me and I had refused. That, of course never happened as I have never refused an opportunity to have my boys. Later I asked them and in fact she had told them the same thing, that she had asked me and I had refused saying I was too busy or something.
|
|
I am now a 41 year old female who has been PAS as a child and now by an Ex husband and Adoptive mother.
As a child my mother left my father before I was born and growning up he was either never mentioned or what was said was never nice. I spent most of my life wishing I'd had a chance to make up my own mind about him. Finally at the age of 18 I got his phone number and called him to be told that he thought I was dead and he wished to keep it that way. I never understood why . The only things I was ever told about him were not good or nice . And by the time I was 18 he had become ill. And I would have to guess that he didn't want to drag me in at that point and that he did not have enough time to make things right or enough time to help me under stand what happened. Now as an adult I realize that I missed so much in my life by him not being a part of it.
As a mother of my own children ( 3 one son and 2 daughters) by two marriages I am now alienated from my son for 25 yrs. I have been trying to find him for some time now but have not at this point been able to locate him but have not given up and won't.
My right to my daughters was removed 14 years ago and I was forbidden to make contact with them. Now they are 18 and 19 and as of Sept.2005 they contacted me. They now live in the same state as I . Trying to repair the damage done is not easy in any way. They as of right now do not understand nor want to understand what it is to be Alienated from a parent and family. They have been Alienated from all members of my family since the oldest was 5 years old . And I'm at a loss as to how to fix the damage done to them.
|
|
My Story : After 17 years of trying to stay in a marriage with a manipulating sociopathic husband,I left him after he threatened to kill me one night. I still cared about him, but I could not live that way anymore. He threatened to kill me and he threatened suicide if I took the kids. Out of fear, I made the biggest mistake of my life - I left without the kids. I trusted him to take care of them. I visited them daily, cooked and cleaned for them,and made a valiant effort to remain in their lives. But their father had other plans. He told me that if I would not be his wife, then I was not allowed to be their mother. I knew this was a ridiculous threat as I believed the laws of NY state would allow me time with my kids and see that my then husband was not mentally stable enough to be custodial parent. I was dead wrong! My children's father had so entrenched and poisoned the minds of my children before we even got into court. Once in court, the ignorant judge who over saw our case basically left custody and visitation decissions up to the brainwashed children. (who mirrored perfectly their father's views) The judge believed every lying word of my children and their father despite the fact that a court ordered psychological test identified the children as being severe victims of PAS. The judge stated that he was afraid that my children would run away if forced to visit me, but yet, ironically, he believed that the children were emotionally well adjusted to make a decision on whether or not they would allow me to be in their lives. How could a child who had a solid, loving relationship with a parent suddenly cast that parent off like yesterday's trash? And if a child chooses to eliminate a parent completely from their lives, can this child really be emotionally stable? Should the judicial system be rewarding child abusers who emotionally abuse by causing alienation? So many questions, so few answers. To make a long story short, I have not seen my children for many months, and I only live 5 miles away. I send cards, notes, gifts and requests for visits monthly. I never get any replies. Not even on Mother's Day. I am a first grade teacher and I have a classroom full of kids who I love and who love me back, but there will always be a sadness in my heart for the loss of my two daughters. My daughters minds and souls have been held hostage by their father and they will never be free to love unless he admits to what he did to them. Unfortunately, he is a sociopath,and he cannot admit to guilt or wrong-doing. I fear that my children are lost forever. I love them with all my heart and my greatest wish is to hug them once more.
|
|
My Story : I have read the stories on this board and they are the stories about men who were alienated against their children for the most part. I want to make a very strong statement here. PAS does not only happen to fathers and their children by the ex wives. Many many times, the blatant fact that PAS is started by abusive, phsycotic and imbalanced men is not acknowledged by the press, law officials, governments and so on...this is truly a sad affair. I believe that PAS against women started by ex husbands happens a lot more than we may see...simply because of this. FEAR. I am a horribly abused woman by an ex husband who deciced he would punish me for leaving him, by brainwashing my son against me. I was a great mom, loved my son, my son love me, and I have missed him terribly for the last 20 years. The phsycotic nature and violent tendencies of my ex has put the breaks on my agressively persuing a relationship with my brainwashed son. The reason I have suffered is not only because of my vindictive ex, but also because of the poor law system in Canada that used to tap an abusive man on the wrist for brutally beating up his wife or girlfriend. The law in Canada also favours the man who earns a good living over someone with little to no monetary options and without a work history. When I was in the abusive marriage, my ex forbade me to become independant through work or by any other means. I was forced to stay home and be totally independant of him; he also forbade me to have friends that may one day help me. In turn, when I left for the final time, I was basically S.O.L...no money, no car, no furniture, nothing. My old fashioned parents didn't make it easier on me either, and I cut off all ties with them for years. So they were of no help to me; in fact, they aided and abetted my ex in getting away with the brainwashing act. The other thing about Canadian law is this: the reason that I've not had custody however is not because I lost it, but because I handed it over to my abusive ex because the law, 20 years ago, saw it fit to disclose my residential address to my violent ex, should we share custody, which was my original intention (always the fair one, that is me); the reason for this was, that the each of the parents has a right to know where their child is when not in the presence of the absentee parent of the moment. Basically I had to hand over custody in order to save my life; had my ex known where my son and I lived, he would have killed me eventually, after the stark realization on his part, that I would never come back to him. This is what the law did to me and to my son 20 years ago. And what my ex did to me and my son is worse. I have not seen my son whom I miss dearly, who I have not seen grown up, who has hated me based on the lies that his father told him about me..I have had numerous stress related problems and I also have developed a debilitating sleep problem because even after all this time, I can't stop thinking about my son whom I miss, and the injustice that was done to me and my son, and, the realization that I may never see him again. Sometimes I wish he had died so I could mourn him and know that it was "an act of God" and not a man's vindictive revenge on something I had every right to do; leave the abusive relationship for good. It also doesn't help that my ex has tried to completely erase (and I'm sure he's done a great job of it) any memory of me as his son's mom, by marrying a woman who now calls my son her son, and who my son in turn calls her "mom"....It's taken a lot of self control to not lose it...but there's still time. |
|
My Story : Among all the Parental Alienation victims I have dealt with,here in Maine, I have not found one of these victims where the GUARDIAN AD LITEM (GAL)has actually interviewed both parents equally, or even bothered to interview friends, other relatives, neighbors or go into the schools to talk with teachers or guidance counselors. This is shameful and the GAL's get paid for it. THIS WAS THE CASE WITH MY NEPHEW'S GAL. After a year, I had the opportunity to ask the GAL if he had gone to school and talked to the guidance counselor, etc and his answer was, "not yet". As we all know, after a year it's too late...the damage was done. Not only did he not go to the school,he NEVER contacted friends or relatives. The 2 or 3 he had contact with had to call him. My nephew's wife had died and left 2 dear little children. It was her parents that ripped apart the bond of love that the children and he had. I never knew what Parental Alienation was until this controlling grandmother committed this cruel and evil act. He was harrassed, defamed, bullyed and much more. The grandparents were allowed to get away with ignoring the court order that 'he have complete access to children anytime as well his family'. The court and the GAL were notified of this. The GAL told me he never got the notice, even though it had to be and was signed upon delivery. At the first hearing only the other side got to be heard and the Guardian ad Litem allowed the court to put off the next hearing for 5 months. During that time the grandparents were able to turn the kids against the only dad they ever knew, as well as his whole family, because the judge allowed the kids to stay with the grandparents for the summer. They were to go back with their dad for the school year. Of course that made it more important for the grandparents to get the kids brainwashed quickly. Anyone going through this should get the book "CHILDREN HELD HOSTAGE Dealing With Programmed and Brainwashed Children", put out by the American Bar Association. Get it in the hands of your lawyer. Make sure your lawyer understands PAS and watch out for the GAL because to the courts he is playing the part of GOD. It would take too long to relate all the wicked things the grandparents did, but within a matter of weeks the whole attitude of the kids changed and they no longer wanted anything to do with him or his family. The GAL's hold the whole family in their hands and through them the whole future of that family is decided. BEST INTERESTS don't seem to be a priority with a GAL. If we knew then, what we know now, perhaps some of the awful heartache could have been avoided. That man never should have been appointed a GAL. He had no knowledge of Parental Alienation, nor would he listen to anything about it.....he broke all the rules and guidelines of a GAL, but he collected his money after ruining another Maine family. His final report to the judge (I have a copy) was full of lies and other misinterpretations. We are now working to get a bill in the next legislative session to firm up the guidelines for the GAL's and make them responsible for their actions. Alienated - Non Custodial parents have a chance to get in on a Class Action Lawsuit being filed against the courts. Every state is getting involved -county by county. For more information please go to--- http://www.indianacrc.org/classactionco.html DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE Check us out, too, at www.msnusers.com/PASKids Hazel Davis, chair PAS Kids In Distress, Maine
|
|
My Story : After 8 years of personally dealing with this abuse by an ex-spouse in Colorado and having been kept 100% alienated from my 2 daughters for that time --plus-- an attitude of horrendous ambilvalence if not out-right hostility toward me by the courts I want very much to let people know as much as I can about this issue. I could write a book (and most likely should one day) but now need to keep this managable and focused to the topics that would best serve your site. Please provide me some guidance as to what information you actually want here. Just a few paragraphs will not effectively convey the issue - how much are you willing to take? As my case is largely already in the public record now due to extensive hearings etc I am able to provide whatever detail is needed.
|
|
My Story : I am writing this just a few days after my son's 12th birthday. The last time I saw him was a few months before he turned 10. Sometimes I am amazed that I am living in a nightmare, with no hope of waking up. I am the father of two children. I have been divorced since 2002, and the divorce was typical. It was all one-sided, but I did everything my ex wanted so that I would not lose my relationship with my son and daughter (ages 7 and 3) at the time. I had once been a full-time father, raising my little girl for a year and a half by myself. My decision to return to work brought on the divorce. For three years after getting kicked out of the house, I was with my children every other day, and this time was uninterrupted. I had summer vacations with them and there were never any problems. I bathed them each night before they went to their mother, and that was it. My ex and I did not like to talk to each other (too much tension), so we used a notebook that was passed in between us. Not the best method of communication, but it did its job. Things started to go awry in December of 2003, when my ex got engaged. Shortly after the engagement, in February of 2004, someone planted gay porn on my property, and I got a letter sent to me, supposedly by my ex, that basically threatened me over the porn: "Do not show this part of your life to my children." I started to get really nervous, so I arranged for transitions to be in a public place. Then, two months later, in April of 2004, I received court papers that my ex filed saying that I had an anger problem and since I screamed so much at the children, they did not want to see me at all. This was news to me, since no one had ever seen me yelling at the children...ever! Well, I need to be honest: I did yell at my daughter because she darted out in front of a car, and my voice pretty much saved her life. I had to get a lawyer quickly to meet my ex in court in a few days. The lawyer I got was okay, but I did not have a choice. The female judge, who was once a teacher at Smith College, was very conservative about the situation, and granted my ex's request to deny visitation temporarily, during which time I was to be supervised by my parents if I did want to see them. I was supposed to meet with the children's therapist also. My parents were only able to arrange one meeting with my daughter, and she was ecstatic to see me after no contact for a month. My son, my ex said, was too angry with me to see me. My parents then tried to arrange other meetings, but since they did not believe the allegations my ex was making, they were shut out completely. Another few months went by, and sexual abuse allegations came up out of nowhere. A GAL was assigned to check everything out, along with DSS. Well, DSS cleared me and the GAL said that nothing inappropriate had ever happened, and some kind of contact needed to be established. The GAL also said that denying the children the right to see a parent who was falsely accused of being abusive was in itself abusive. My ex tried to prevent the GAL report from being submitted, and she even filed charges against the GAL. The judge overseeing the case did the unbelievable: she ignored the entire GAL report and ordered me to 40 weeks of anger-management classes (for men who are usually ordered as part of their probation agreement!). Contact with my son was also completely denied. My new attorney tried to get the court reconsider, and it was arbitrarily denied. What was I supposed to do? I started taking the classes, and the men who were there could not figure out why I was even in the room with them. The moderator did not know what to do either! During all of this, and just before the one-year mark passed, my co-workers received anonymous mailings from someone, and they contained details from the therapist my children were seeing. This therapist was only relaying what the children had been telling him, and everyone's names were redacted except for mine. Luckily, most of the letters were destroyed in time. I have come to find out that the new step-father had done the exact same thing to his ex-wife, and got caught doing it! I finished the classes, but still there has been nothing. The allegations have gotten worse, but DSS keeps clearing me (all the reports conclude with "unsupported" for every single charge). The DSS workers do not even want to deal with my ex anymore. The therapist dealing with my son has been good enough to meet with me a few times, but when he recommended to the court that some kind of visitation should be arranged, my ex pulled my children from his services and found two therapists who refuse to even talk to me (ignoring a court order). So, now it has been two years since I have had any contact. A five day trial is pending sometime in the future, but no one knows. In the meantime, I have investigated the past of the new stepfather, and I have learned that he is a sociopath. He has even sent threatening mail to my sibling. Every time I feel like giving up, I think about the safety of my kids, which is compromised with the new stepfather. It is as if my children are dead, since they have disappeared from the face of the earth. No one has seen them, and they live only 25 minutes away from me. Everyone in my family has been shut out of their life, and yet the court has done nothing about it. What kind of a society is this? What kind of society sanctions such a situation? I have not seen my children for two years, and yet no one thinks that there is a problem with it. Why? Life does go on. I have remarried, and I have a beautiful step-daughter, and a baby is on the horizon. I am sad that I cannot share these joyous events with my own flesh and blood. They are being taught to hate and fear me, and that is something no one should have to experience.
|
|
My Story : My daughter is almost 3 years old. Through what is becoming a severe and costly (to me) custody battle with mom throwing every roadblock and destructive demeanor towards the relationship I have with my daughter. I currently am visiting my daughter supervised and have been for over 2 years since her mother absconded her from my home claiming "you have no intent to marry me" and "I want the kids to live with their grandmother near my daughter's half-brother's school" 25 miles from my home. These two reasons were primary reasons for her leaving me with my 5 month old daughter. Her mother has made various accusations about me that have easily clouded the court in not allowing me to see my daughter unsupervised. There is absolutely no proof whatsoever that any of the mothers accusations are true but the court obviously errs on the side of caution and this issue has cost me over $20K to date just to have a relationship with my daughter. Today I am visiting my daughter by court order. My daughter uses the term for yet another of mommy's boyfriends as "big daddy" or "daddy" and calling me by my surname. My daughtr oftentimes talks about "big daddy" and everything he does for her and the possessions he has. The mother is very manipulative and lives (shacks up) in a very wealthy part of town with this boyfriend my daughter calls "big daddy". Other notes: My daughter's mother is on welfare and I pay $500 per month in child support (95%) of my daughter's support and provide medical insurance. Basically all of this is breaking me. Any advice?
|
Back to top |
|
My X did what her attorney told her to do. I do not know this for sure, but according to the Wall Street Journal, it's "Standard" procedure to accuse the other spouse of sexual abuse, in a divorce custody case in America. Check out "Back to Salem", the story of a Florida Police Officer (Grant Snowden) who did "9" years in Prison for a false story about sexual abuse. Championed by attorney...Janet Reno, to get recognition to be nominated for Attorney General! She took this idea a step further and rehearsed a "LIE" with my daughter, which brought CPS to my door. This "Lynch Mob" didn't listen to a word I (or any of my family & friends) said. It was (for them) guilty until proven innocent. I told this investigator how to do his job, on tape and in front of an attorney. After he did what I told him to do the fraud was discovered, and the whole thing dropped! Not in time to help anything but my X. After thousands in expenditures, in hours, money, and sanity, and the entire Father/Daughter relationship, All destroyed. CPS did not apologize for the Witch-Hunt, the destruction of the relationship, reputation, sanity, or finances. Nor did they punish the Mother in any way. (not even a warning). I have a copy of the "Official" (cough-cough) report...CYA-LIE! I enquired about...what if she told the same lie again (10 days later)(after the activity of the case was up). He (CPS) did make a verbal threat to quote..."I'll be back and I'll do the same thing, and this time I'll Finish the Job!" ..un quote. I wonder if all these Judges/Attorneys/Counselors know just what kind of blood-thirsty morons make these investigations/recomendations? C- average at city college? That's all it takes, look it up. Jobs are waiting because they have a 300% turnover every six months! When I heard this I said "What?" He changed the subject and droned on (after I asked him what he was going to do about her to prevent this from happening continously until the end of time?) He spewed some worthless dribble about how we've seen the last of her. That's it! This is the most Sexist, Predudice, Hypocritical "Goon Squad" on this planet. They couldn't find a conspiracy if it was sitting on their chest "Barking" in their face! Or the even SICKER scenario, ...when you're part of an overstaffed government agency trying to avoid "downsizing", you have to play stupid, and "Snow-Ball" nonsense into a career for yourself, regardless of the dozens you permanantly hurt to assure yourself a paycheck next week! This "Jerk" did send a counselor to talk to me, who (and I have a recording of this) "Snickered at me. Now a laugh at someone means they're foolish/paranoid, but a "Snicker" means they know exactly what's going on and couldn't care less! Not that counselors in this area of depression/loss should do either! Just frosting on the cake of an Eclectic group of wasted skin, bleeding this government dry, and producing nothing but lifelong regret/sorrow for anyone they touch! I haven't seen or heard from my daughter in 10 years. PAS?...it's rampant! Those that cause it are untouchable! (and get government paychecks) Those that know about it...don't care, and those that care about it...don't know. |
|
-----
My Story : I have three wonderful children. My children are currently living with their Great Auntie on there fathers side. I was 16yrs old when i had my oldest son and 17yrs old when i had my daughter and 19yrs old when i had my son. I was very young and really did not know much about being a responsible parent to my children. To make a long story short, My kids father was cheating on me almost every day and fighting me in front of my children and taking the little money the county was giving my children. I began to do drugs and drink lots of alcohol. I had no one to turn to for help, no guidance or structure in my life at all. So i made that turn and it caused me to lose every thing. Most importantly my children. My children became wards of the Court over some time and a few more incidents. You know after losing my children and the only man i knew, My addiction got worst before better. Now I have 4yrs clean and sober. I have found God. Well While i was in my addiction. My childrens Auntie started telling my children that i am a drug head, that i can't love them, i just want them back for the money, among other negative things. You know no one is perfect, every body has some type of down fall. Its not about the fall its about how you can get up and stay up. By the Grace of God. My rights have not been taken, I am able to go to court. I really have my childrens best interest in my heart. the court order visit's for me and my children. My children are suffering so much it hurts me to try to even think about it. My Baby's have some issues with not being able to be with their mother or their father.
|
|
My Story : I am in the military, and have been since 1999. My wife and I were in a relationship before I joined, and I had joined so I could support her, as that is what I feel a real man should do. Over the course of our relationship we had problems, who doesn't, but overall things were going OK. When it got to the point where I felt it was time to sever ties and cut our losses, we discovered we were pregnant. While this was unplanned (by me at least...I have my doubts about her intentions) I welcomed it with open arms and was excited about becoming a father. The day my daughter was born was the best day of my life. Things were improving in my marriage and I thought things were starting to pan out. Shortly after re-enlisting (December 2002) I was deployed to Saudi Arabia to support Operation Iraqi Freedom. I was there for nearly 6 months, and while I was there I discovered my wife was cheating on me and cleaning out my bank account. Helpless, I turned to my leadership who quickly sent me home to attempt to save my marriage. When I discovered that there was no salvaging a relationship where there was no trust, my wife and I agreed to get a divorce. We agreed to share custody of our daughter, and were both allowed 6 months with her. Shortly after our divorce was finalized in April 2004, my wife remarried (she waited all of 8 days and was already 2 months pregnant with the other man's child.) While this hurt me, I moved on and sought to build a strong relationship with my daughter. I purchased a house so that she and I would have someplace to call our own, and my ex stayed in town so that I would have access to her. I never faultered on support and even payed extra for child care expenses. I carry all health insurance for my daughter and worked very hard to make her happy. In March of last year, I re-married. My wife had a step-daughte,who was only a month older than my daughter. I thought it would be perfect...a beautiful wife with a wonderful little girl who was the same age as my daughter. This seemed ideal because the girls would have a playmate. While I understand there are growing pains with a child adjusting to her father having a new wife and a new child in the relationship, things weren't progressing at all. Things were actually getting much worse. I stayed the course and knew that, given time, she would grow to love her step mother and step sister and things would work out alright. The problems began when my daughter finally began to call my wife as her "other mommy" and refer to her step sister as her sister. Apparently, her mother and/or step-father didn't appreciate this new-found comfort at my house, and regressed into hatefulness and bitterness toward me and my family. Comments were made, by my daughter that included things like "You don't love me" and "Toddy-dadda says that you're not my daddy anymore." OUCH! While I have no reason to believe my ex is making these comments, I feel that my daughter is being taught to neither love me nor my family. I don't see my daughter anymore because I don't want to cause her more harm than good. I've been driven to where I feel it is more beneficial to let her grow up without confusion and hate, and to not subject my family to the pain of having to hear her comments, and to not deal with my reaction to them. I need help! I'm decimated by this situation and will not be happy without her, but I can't have her. I love my baby and want to see her, but I can't help but think it will make things worse. To make things worse, I'm getting ready to move to Mississippi, and I feel it's only going to get worse. Thank you for your time.
|
|
My Story : I left an abusive man who both hurt me emotioanlly and phsyically and after a long time marriage and 2 beautiful boys, I finally got out at age 35. When the control freak realized I was not coming back he starting brainwashing my oldest boy who is 13 against me. I had sole custody of both the children. He was doing fine for the first 3 motnsh then the hell started. He was runnig away from the sitter, from my home, calling the cops telling them I hurt him, he was out of control and the judge sent him for a 30 day psych evaluation. Thank God he was not mentally ill but the outbursts were caused by the divorce and the alienating. He went to live with his father this past March and I was left with my younger boy who is now 9. He was ok until they started on him, my older son and his father. Now he is resorting to doing the same things as his older brother, destroying the room, writing all over the walls, runnig away etc. I am so scared and so helpless and if someone doesnt help me somehow I will lose my younger son to that animal and my mind as well. The stress is unbeleievable but yet God helps me wake up every morning and go to work and try to be the best mom I could be. He has told the children lies, every aspct of court sessions, told them that I put my older son in a psych center which I didnt you name it, he told them! Now they both hate me. It hurts me so much they were both loving obedient boys before the divorce. Now they are rude, disrespectful and show lack of care when I cry. I dont know what to do. the courts,the therapist, everyone knows about the alienation but yet it still continues and I think I am losing my children. I can't have any others due to an emergency hysterectomy I had to have last year. I hope we can help each other or lend a shoulder to cry on. :( please help me...we have to make this known to save the chldren from an emotional, suicidal upbringing....what happened to doing whats in the best interest of the children? Who is protecting them? no one, not even the law guardian....
|
|
My Story : My husband's ex-wife put their 15 year old daughter into therapy without our knowledge and now she does not want to see us. His daughter has cut off communication from her father, step-mother, 6 year old half sister, aunts, uncles and cousins on her father's side. We have not seen or spoken to her for several months. In March 2006, we were contacted by his ex-wife's attorney stating that his daughter was in therapy and to appear in court the next morning. We did not fully understand what was being requested and we were not given enough time to consult with an attorney before the hearing. We appeared in court and his ex-wife's attorney wanted to speak to us, so we went into another room and there she served us with legal paper. The attorney used scare tactics on us stating that his daughter was in therapy for the last several months and the judge can do anything they want, so we should come to an agreement. My husband signed a 30 day moratorium out of concern for his daughter. We did not know what was at stake and when we read what his ex-wife wrote in her declaration portraying the father as unreliable, inconsiderate, temperamental, etc. we were horrified. The ex-wife also got a testament from an "expert" who was counseling their daughter stating that seeing her father caused her stress and she did not have an attachment to her father. I have known my husband for 12 years and we have been married for 8 years, we have a 6 year old daughter together and I have witnessed his kindness and love. He always pays child support on time and has exercised his visitation with his daughter. When his daughter was around 8 years old, he took her back to her mom's after their week-end visit and she told him that her mom would set her by the table and serve her a bowl of ice-cream and would drill her about what we did. She told her father that it made her feel bad. Another time she told us that her mom thought he was abusing her but she does not think that anymore. I am around all the time when my husband has his visitation with his daughter and we do a lot as a family. We take both the girls to the Zoo, Aquarium, Disney Land, etc. We also planned a cruise this year which was a Christmas present from my husband to his family. We were all excited about the trip and so was his teenage daughter but now we were informed that she does not want to come with us. This message was relayed by another therapist that was recommended by his ex-wife and her attorney. My husband has always been responsible, kind, gentle and he loves both his daughters and it tears him up that one of his daughter no longer wants to see us. We have spent thousands of dollars with attorneys and therapist and yet we still have not been allowed speak to her or see her. We were told by our attorney that his ex-wife venomously refused our request for father and daughter reunification with the therapist that we were working with. We were informed by our attorney that even if we get a court order for father and daughter therapy, we can not force her to go into therapy with her dad because she is a minor. The 30 day moratorium was over a couple of months ago and we were told by the ex-wife that their daughter does not feel comfortable seeing us, even for dinner. I have stood by my husband's side and have seen the way the system works for non-custodial parent. His ex-wife can put their daughter into therapy without the father's knowledge; have an expert write a testimony about an attachment disorder between father and daughter without interviewing the father, and serve the father to appear in court without giving him time for legal counsel. I hope one day the system will change and give non-custodial parents more rights.
|
|
My Story : PAS is not limited solely to biological parents. When my husband and his wife divorce she, without realizing it, signed custody over to him. She is often most concerned with life and people in how she will be best served. She often neglected her 3 children when they were younger, and in the 6 years my husband and I have been married, has spent a great deal of effort disparaging - not so much their father, but me as their step-mother. Adjustments after weekend visits take most of the week as we listen to the youngest angrily recount how I am abusing him because his mom told him and she knows what abuse is; has had child protective come investigate our home after leading him to recount to a sunday school teacher how I was abusing both him and our then 2 year old daughter; talk about how we have lied to so many people, and how their dad owes her money and is refusing to pay etc. etc. All of these can be easily refuted since no abuse has taken place, but it hasn't stopped her from spending a lot of energy convincing the most susceptible child that he's living in the most horrendous situation and needs to move with her. Our personal belief in families is that these children came from Heavenly Father. They are His, and no matter how they come to us, ours is a sacred custodial relationship, and we will be accountable to Him for how we raised them. My husband's children are wonderful, creative and smart, but are being subjected to a constant negative barrage of false information that undermines the relationship I'm trying to develop with them. It is frustrating and heartbreaking - not just for biological parents, but for step-parents as well.
|
|
|
|
Latest News
|
|
