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Letters from parents
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My Story : I divorced my ex-husband two years ago and he was granted joint custody of our son. Before he got joint custody my son and I had a wonderful relationship. My ex leaves my son in the care of his mother when he is supposed to be the care giver of our son. Since he has been doing that my son has formed a strange bond with my ex-mother-n-law. He now doesn't want to be around me, thinks everything I do or say is wrong, he has started mis-behaving and not paying any attention to my authority. He doesn't like any of my friends or family. He only thinks about or loves his dads family. I have tried to be as understanding as I possibly can but I just don't know what to do anymore. I bought our son a cell phone because his dad would tell me not to call over there when it was his time and when I did call, he would yell and say things in the background. His mother is just as bad, she plans things with my son on my time to get him upset about not being able to attend, she manipulates him in to staying with her. She constantly sends him texts messages stating that she is thinking about him all the time. I need some help, I have tried to be nice to them and not say things to our son that would go against them, but it is so hard. I need some help about knowing what I need to do. I feel that they are hurting my son more than helping him. If anyone has any advise, I sure could use it.
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My Story : I filed for divorce 5 years ago, I was granted custody of our 2 children then 12 & 8 yrs. old. My ex-husband made it his goal in life to alienate the kids from me. He spoiled them when they visited him, convinced my preteen son that he didn't have to listen to me, that he should call 911 if I laid a finger on him and that he wouldn't have a purpose in life if they didn't live w/him.. The constant turmoil, threats & behavior problems that my son continually barraged me with finally culminated with my agreement to allow the children to live with him. I reserved the right to take back custody if I felt it need be. It was a mistake,and even though a judge signed it another judge threw it out.My visitation rights with the kids became a matter of convenience. My ex left it up to them. He took me to court 1 year ago to obtain permanent custody. I had since remarried, & we decided we could provide a better environment for them.We fought, hired a family evaluator (who wrote in her report that he was alienating them from me),but recomended they stay with him.He was found by a substance abuse counselor to have a drinking problem,& still the court gave him custody.I have lost complete faith in the justice system,family evaluators,& worst of all I see the kids even less than before.(Not to mention that it cost us $40,000) The children are the ones that have lost here and their animosity towards me continues to grow based on no factual reasons.This whole family law system is a travesty & the one's who follow the rules are the one's who lose. My situatiion is proof. I have succumbed to the realization that his alienation tactics are finally complete-with the blessing of the court system. It seems there is no hope.
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My Story : I am the Mother in this story. My husband and I divorced in 2001. I left my husband after years of unhappiness and verbal abuse and years of manipulation. I developed a substance abuse problem as the years went on.Although my ex and I shared custoday of the young daughter, she primarily lived with him and the new wife. The ex has belittled, humiliated and subliminilly degraded me for the past 5 years. To the point that my daughter is openly hostile toward me and my 24 year old son prefers him to me. It is very obvious and I feel the pain every day. I have paid my dues for my mistakes and have been clean and sober for many years now. I am an RN and my drug of choice was prescription medications. I hate my ex very much, he is conniving, controlling and has manipulated those children and they do not even know.. I have done every thing in my power to hold on to them but it is very difficult and sometimes I want to give up.
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My Story : This is my story. I married a "controlling" man. This is something I realized early on, but decided to make the best of it. Truth be told, I didn't believe in divorce having been raised catholic and all. My son was born in 1994. Anyway, the marriage lasted 10 years. It ended in 2001 when my son was 7years old after being refused countless requests to seek marriage counselling. My ex had threatened during arguments over the years that if I ever left, I would never see my son again so when he agreed to joint-custody on the condition that he have Primary Care, I felt that was the best deal I was going to get. Plus, hey! What can he do if we have joint-custody? If I get a lawyer, as soon as he would find out, he'd be gone, so I couldn't take that risk. I figured as long as I don't rock the boat, he won't do anything stupid. My main concern was always to try and get through this divorce with the least amount of damage as possible to my son. From the time I left up until September 2005, my son pretty much came and went as he pleased (or so I thought). My ex always refused to set up some kind of consistent schedule like most divorced people, saying he'll never force our son to be with me if he doesn't feel like it, so, much of our access was when his father didn't have anything planned or my son didn't have anything better to do. But, deep down I knew to be content with that because the alternative (court) was just not an option. Just by my ex's response whenever I would ask him for us to try 7 days each or anything more consistent so I could synchronize my other responsibilities accordingly, I knew if I pushed, he would go to any length to get his way. And he did. The dreaded day came when he met his new partner in Sept 2005. He announced to me that my son didn't need my help with his homework anymore. That was my baby. He speaks no French at all and I always had that. I am French and that's something I'll always have with my son. Only I can help him with school work. He'll never be able to replace me in that department, or so I thought. She doesn't speak or read French either but that didn't matter. Within four weeks of insisting that that was my responsibility, my son wanted nothing to do with me anymore. To make matters worse, I happen to be an incest survivor. My entire family (parents and two sisters), are still after 30 years, in denial. I exposed my father 30 years ago and they basically "tolerated" me as their sibling since then, until Sept 2005 when they completely disowned me. When this started with my ex, they all sided with him, telling my son that I was a very sick woman and a lot more. So when I finally did take it to court in July 2006, I got a double blow. My family wrote affidavits claiming that I was an unfit mother. I represented myself and managed to get a children's lawyer for my son and also managed to get a psychological assessment done on my son. It set me back $1,400.00 and was totally useless. As a matter of fact, because of my family's contribution, the doctor's recommendations were to get a full assessment done (another $5,000.), and that I respect my son's wishes to stay out of his life. The Judge didn't even give me five minutes to present my arguments and gave my ex sole custody. I now have the right to call twice per month, my son doesn't have to talk to me, I have access to his school and medical records, I have to pay child support, retroactive from 2006, extracurricular activities but cannot attend because my "son" doesn't want me there and that's about it. Oh! And they have to refer to me as "your mother is on the phone" when I call or when they talk about me around my son, which they have yet to do when I call. My son started calling me by my first name over a year ago which really hurt so I asked that they not encourage it. Since then, I've been arrested and charged with assault (I delivered a letter to my sister's house expressing my feelings about what they had done and she pushed me so I pulled her hair, really hard), so she charged me with Break and Enter and assault. I tried calling her after that and she again had me charged for breaching, then one day I was driving home and saw my son in a car with his "step-mom". I slowed down, gave her the finger and drove off. An hour later I was under arrest for dangerous driving. They (step-mom and my son), told police I had tried to run them over with my car. Needless to say, I'm obviously not handling this very well and I'm probably not scoring any points with my son. As a matter of fact, with this last episode, I ended up with a Peace Bond against me and I lost my rights to email my son, access to his school and medical records and it's not finished yet. I have yet to face this in court. I could probably write for hours on end about the pain that PAS has caused myself, my present relationship and of course most of all, what my son is probably going through and will go through for a very long time to come, which NO CHILD should ever have to experience. I am hereby making a commitment to do whatever I can to do my share in raising awareness about this horrid syndrome but first and foremost I pledge to keep moving forward in my own recovery so that I may be the healthiest parent I can be for when my son does come back if he ever does. And I will never stop hoping for that day to come. Thanks for listening,
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My Story : I would like to share this email I received from my ex's daughter from his first marriage, whom I had always gotten along with (or so I thought). First of all, I can with 100% confidence, say that nothing in this letter is true. Also, this daughter lives across the country from myself, my son (her step-brother) and ex. I share this letter as an example of PAS and how the alienator spreads his poison. This step-sister now believes she is supporting her step-brother because she believes her dad's poison. Dear L, I thought that it was about time to send you a letter and since i don't have your mailing address i figured an e mail would suffice. So lets get started. First i don't think you realize the mental damage that you have caused N. as far as any of us are concerned you were just a surrogate mother and it is unfortunate that he shares any genes with you. Second maybe you should listen when he says i don't want to talk to you cause he really hates you. You should stop calling his school too, their not going to cater to your every wish. The courts gave you regulations to go by hint, hint, nudge, nudge, there was a reason for that your obbsessed and need to lay off! I'm so glad that my father divorced you and saw that evil does exist especially since you slept with his best friend the night before you married him. you have tainted everyone that you have come in contact with. I felt i would give my opinion about you. you need to be committed, your psycho, a bitch, condescending, lying and mentally disturbed . Who should realize this or at least you should have when the courts basically laughed in your face. You should yourself confess to N. all what you have done, never mind your family, worry about your own self, your the sick one here in all this. You had better get over the fact that my Dad and W. are getting married, no matter what you try to do to stop it. You yourslef has turned your own son against you, so quit blaming everyone else for your own inadequecies....You only have yourslef to blame, no one has ever brainwashed your son. Get over the fact that you have lost him and now move on so that N. can have some type of normal upbringing without you in it. He is far better off. If you only knew that W. is good to him, and that is another reason you can't get over the fact that she is doing a much better job with him than you ever did. Now who in their right mind would attack their own sister and accuse their father of malestation just to try and get sympathy and attention when everyone knows it's a lie. You know that saying " The truth will set you free" you need to take this into consideration. It's bad enough that you have scared nathan for life but hurting your sister and accusing your father, you are more messed up then i thought. As far as any of us are concerned and N., W. is his mother and will be a better mother than the lying scum that gave birth to him. You need to come with terms with the fact that nobody cares what you think or threaten to do and that you need severe mental help. So i hope you feel good because you reap what you sew and no one should know that better than you. Just a little pointer N. is better off with out you and I am very, very, very, very happy that you lost in court and everyone's lives will be better because of it. So bye for now . Regards so happy i will never have to see your whorish ways and face ever again. Very Thankful, T.
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My Story : About 3-4 years ago, I met this man at a cafe. I was taken by how he talked about not seeing his daughters for 5 years. I was shocked and felt a lot of compassion for him. It sounded like he was a victim of his ex-wife's vendetta against him. I believe the vendetta and hate comes from the wife getting caught having an affair with a close friend of the family and the ex-wife's pursuit of having more then what her husband could afford, she is a very greedy material person. So the husband got joint custody but during his time with the daughters he says the mother would make a seen and didn't want the girls to spend any time with the dad, she was verbally abusive too the father in front of the girls. There was always drama when the father picked up the girls, she made it impossible to have a relationship with his daughters, the mother was brainwashing the kids to hate the father. Then the mother's boyfriend was making verbal threats to the father and any female that was in his life, he was unable to have a relationship that lasted because of the threats. When I came into the picture, I knew I had to find out where his daughters were, so I found out that the ex-wife was in Federal Prison for Fraud threw a DME company she owned. The girls were 13 and 16 and living with the mother's husband which is the same person that made the threats in the past. The biological father & I served her in prison, we went to court to see if we could get custody, but the Judge didn't change anything but for the father to have visitation. The daughter's have so much hate and I noticed that they talk just like the mother does very, cruel, hateful and use of bad language. They even used the same language on me, they don't even know me. I know its the many years of the mothers influence. We been to court several times the Judge never enforces the orders. I also herd that the Judge dismissed something because he said the mother had another case? The mother's husband threated to break my legs and threaten my daughter and my younger sister in the court hallway. I reported it right a way, I have zero tolerance for that kind of behavior. We went back to court again because we found out that the mother was arrested again for a weapons charge. They later dropped it because her husband said it was his. Then we found out the husband had a case pending for Identity theft, credit card fraud & check fraud. The Judge again didn't do anything because he said until they are proven guilty. The biological father knew that the mother and stepfather are into fraud, insurance scams ect they are professional con artist and they bribe the girls with luxury items to keep them on their side because we believe they know what the parents do to maintain there lifestyle. The older daughter calls herself a baller, she looks at her real father like he's trash and shows nothing but hate and disrespect. We tried writing a letter and even found her on My space, she wrote back "don't add or email me if I don't like you". The youngest daughter makes comments when they say she looks like her father, she said EW! The daughter's know I'm half Hispanic so they say TU Madre to me, nothing hurts me. I find that its sad they have so much hate and don't want nothing to do with their father, he's a great person and works very hard for a living, he's not rich but he lives very well, he has a very good life and a great family. I cant imagine why they wouldn't want to be a part of his family lives. But then again I can see that they are so caught up in being ballers and they think is normal to fraud innocent people to live that lifestyle they have become accustomed too. I also found out that the girls miss 6 months of school when the mother was in prison. I think the eldest daughter dropped out of home the school program too, the mother doesn't bother to send the father any information, she knows the Judge doesn't enforce anything, so she thinks she's above the law. I told the biological father to accept what is. I never encountered anything as bad as this, its a crime for anyone to teach children to hate a parent for their own personal vendetta. I was very fortunate as a child to have parents that didn't use us in their divorce. They put our feelings and emotions first, we chose who we wanted to live with and my parents remained civil and to this day we all get together on holidays, occasions,ect. Some people cant understand how that is possible, lol... The father remembers the time when the girls loved him, he has a lot of pictures when they did. The girls refuse to acknowledge that.
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I am a Husband, a Father, a Son, and a Brother. I have two daughters, twelve and eight, a step-son 21 and a step-daughter 20. I love them all, as well as my extended family and despite the obstacles of today, they inspire me to be the best dad I can be.
Since May 2005 I have been striving to gain equal time with my daughters by exercising the ‘Joint Legal and Physical Custody’ so wisely spelled out in my original ‘Judgment of Dissolution’. Time that is guaranteed by the Constitution of the United States and supported by numerous Supreme Court decisions. “The interest of parents in their relationship with their children is sufficiently fundamental to come within the finite class of liberty interest protected by the Fourteenth Amendment.” Since starting this endeavor I have had my Fourteenth, Fourth and now my First Amendment Rights trampled.
I have followed the advice of marriage and family counselors, attorneys, friends and my loving family. I have relocated twice for the sole purpose of being closer to my daughters to provide stability and support. My daughters and I were enjoying increased time together before their mother moved them away. I sought an injunctive order to preempt her move and was denied. I have submitted ‘Orders to Show Cause’, multiple ‘Declarations’, and ‘Proposed Custody Sharing Arrangements with Restraining Orders’. Each asking for the court to take action giving me equal time to parent my children. We have been put through the Evidence Code 730 evaluation process; called upon all the resources of my supportive family, sought out the advice and opinions of expert witnesses, and spent countless amounts of time and energy, all, to no avail. It would seem that my efforts have fallen on the ears of a deaf court system and I now have significantly less time with my girls than when I started. What I do have, is a court decision that rather than answer any of my questions or concerns, seeks to further delay a decision until August 2007, opening the door for more extended litigation and undo trauma to my daughters.
Today, I am held hostage by our legal system and forced to sit back and watch the relationship with my daughter’s forcibly destroyed. An expert on Children’s Rights stated,
“The impact these judicial decisions have on the lives of all concerned cannot be overestimated. Childhood passes rapidly and it quickly becomes too late to un-ring the bell. Expanded visitation or joint custody may seem unimportant, but only to those who have never experienced the hollow time of forced separation. No human bond is of greater strength than that of parent and child.”
My daughters have already lost two years of irreplaceable fatherhood and have suffered irreparable injury and harm.
All I want is to be the best Dad I can be. To love and support my children and family and to enjoy life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I will not give up my inalienable right to be a parent; to the care, custody, control and companionship of my offspring.
What is it going to take for my daughters to get there Papi back in their lives before it is too late?
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My Story : I knew of the literature on PA but did not think it applied. I separated from my former in 1979. the 3 children lived with me. Initially I was in another relationship which failed. During the time my former saw the children at school holidays, whenever it suited him. I did the driving and the arranging of visits. After being separated for 8 years one child wanted to live with the other parent. This child was in counselling at the time for anger and behaviour issues. I rang the other parent and it was arranged for the former to speak to child's counsellor. The day the former spoke to the counsellor, he rang me. Before he spoke to me he spoke to the other 2 children, asking them if they wanted to live with the former. They agreed, so 3 children went back to live the former. The former and I had no court orders and I thought we did not need any. All happened amicalby. Well I saw changes in the children after they returned to live with the former. I thought it was just adjustment to different household styles. The former and I had agreed for the 3 children to live with the former for a year. After the year it seemed to me that the children we settled and I rang the former to say, we should have a talk. It didn't happen. Instead the next time I was due to have the children I saw a difference. We lived quite some distance from one another and schoolholiday visits were only possible (both ways). A few weeks before the school holidays my car died, finally. My parents offered to pay for a replacement car. I found the car and on the Friday week before school holidays spoke to my parents who were posting me a cheque. On the Sunday I rang the former to confirm pick up arrangments for the school holidays. Instead I was told, the children were being sent to my parents and I could not see them. When I asked why this was happening I was told "because you left me". I did not see the children for some time, but I went back to seeing the children school holidays. I sent the cheque back to my parents, who did not speak to me again prior to their deaths some 10 years later (apart from one brief conversation at an airport. Oh the former stayed in regular communication with my parents - even named as an executor for them in an earlier will) The first of the children returned to living with me (after being kicked out by the former's second spouse. The next child started to live independently in a relationship and when it failed she came back to live with me. The last child came back to live with me for work reasons. The last child would have come back some 11 years ago. Things were never the same between my children and I and after some years I realised that I was really the children's joke - backstabbing, gossiping etc. It took 19 years from when the children went back to live with the former for it to come to light when the child who had been in counselling asked me why he went back to live with the other parent. I gave my reasons - his need. Only to hear that he had been told on the day that he went to live with the former that I had sent him and other 2 away because my next child, from the relationship after separation, was my favourite and I only wanted him. Ahhh. Fortunately counselling records existed and my recollection of the events was confirmed by 1987 counselling records. One child has come to terms with events. 2 other's left to go, but the former has been back to brainwashing. The toll so far is the oldest attracts to those with psychiatric illness partners or minors, the next is hypocondriac, the last suffers depression and anxiety attacks. All because over 19 years ago one parent told the children they were sent away. Please parents, think carefully about what you say to children at the critical times after separation. Your words may have a longer term and greater effect than you could image. Oh, the former is still bitter. Moving on has not been possible for him.
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My Story : My ex-husband and I have been divorced now for three years. In court it was ordered that we have joint custody with my ex-husband being the primary custodial parent. About ten months later, I moved out of state to persue better career opportunities, and to better my life. The last three years, I have only seen my daughter 4 times. He refuses to allow me to bring her here to my home for visitation. He tells her that she can't come to my house because I will take her away and he may not ever see me again. I am currently seeking legal advice to see what my rights are. Now, my daughter thinks that if we go to court, she will never see her daddy again. I feel so hurt and angry by everything he has done, from the separation up until now. He is abusing his responsibility and I fear that he will get away with this b/c she has been with him so long and she has strong emotional ties with her family there. I just hope and pray that she will get through all of this with her head on straight. Lord knows I didn't when my parents did that to me. I appreciate that someone has acknowledge the damage that one manipulative parent can do to another. I don't feel as alone now, but still I am very afraid of what might happen once we are in court. I have documentation from my exhusband admitting to telling our daughter these things and I pray that they will be substancial enough for the judge. My daughter shouldn't be afraid of visiting me at all, and I really hate it that is how she feels. I am afraid that if this does work in my favor, what kind of emotional hardships will she face?? I can only pray that she will be strong enough to understand that I am doing what I have to in order for her to feel secure with me. Any suggestions as to how I can help her feel that way would be great! Again, thank you so much for acknowledging how damaging only one parent can be on a child. Best wishes to all.
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My Story : I have been fighting to see my kids for 7 years. My Ex took the kids away 500 miles, proceeded to ccuse me of being horrible and in court was able to drain me emotionally and financially. $100,000 spent in a useless battle over simple visitation. I have no criminal record. No allegations of child abuse. My Parantal rights were terminated in January because they were able to prove I neglected to visit my kids. (These kids are being kept away from me). They Now I have filed a appeal and spent another $10,000 of borrowed money. I need help this should not occur in this country. I am a good man and my kids deserve to have a relationship with me. |
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My Story : In August of last year while my older son was having visitation with me, he molested my younger son. I reported it to appropriate authorities. As a result, his father did not believe it, hired a lawyer and has since kept me from taliking with or seeing him. He started putting him on speaker phone when I called, then deleted my sons email accounts and refused to let me have my son for visitation. It has been nearly a year since I have seen my son and it took this long to get it through in court. Now the judge says I have to wait until they do a counseling evaluation before I can have him back for visitation and his father is asking for supervised visits. My son just went to live with him 2 years ago. Until then I raised him, put him through private school on my own. Today is my son's birthday. Every time I call the answering machine is on. I did not even get a school picture or know what classes he was in or school until we went to court. When he lived with me, I sent pictures and school info and notified him of every event. I missed my son's entire first year of high school. He is now over 6 feet tall, I missed that. I missed Thanksgiving and Christmas and Valentines, Easter and now his birthday. He says my son does'nt want to talk to me and yet my son wrote me a letter before he moved in with his dad saying he did'nt know how he'd live without me. He says my son does'nt need to be around me without supervision because I might accuse him of something else. Mind you the state and court found my son guilty. It has been a nightmare. I did what I thought was right and I lost my son in the process.
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My Story : I have been married 21 years. I have 2 children age 23 and 14. I am going through a devorce now. My spouse has my daughter because of PAS. Throughout the marriage he has been abusive. There is documentation on this fact and witnessed by 23 year old and 14 year old. He cheated on me and involved my 14 year old in this affair. Over the past 2 years he has turned her against me. I found out about the affair. He got her to lie about it. He got her to make false allegation of abuse, she told me "daddy says you don't love me like you love M. (other child). He has sheriff who is childhood friend of his and falsified police report. So I was put out of marital home and can't see my child based on this lie. My son is witness that I never did any abuse. Because I have little income, I can't get hear in court. I need help!!! Can anyone help me get justice.
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These stories to be properly told should be written on a word processor then
submitted as an attachment. But for now I will tell you that my wife left
me and our one year old son back in 1992. I raised him as a single parent
for 11 years by myself. He is a fine healthy kid now at 14 years. Three
years ago the mother decided to get involved in her son's life. This gave
me time to go out and look for another woman. Two years ago I hooked up
with a woman who had some obvious problems. I thought I could help her.
But the exwife had come into a well paying job and a man who had some money
of his own. So she thought she would take Johnny to the big city where she
was moving. I agreed because I was having problems with my problem woman
and the ex and I seemed to be on good terms. All that changed when I signed
the new joint custody agreement. She moved to the big city and I haven't
talked to my son in two years. I didn't know how angry she was and I have
some evidence that she is poisoning his mind against me because of my
involvement with the new problem woman.
Now this new woman got pregnant two years ago. She was maintaining her
problems for a while. But after the baby was born she started to go wild.
I love both of my sons equally. However, she started to drink to excess and
take cocaine. Her liver went bad and she said some bad things to the wrong
people then CPS came and took my other son based on what she said in the
hospital. I always took good care of my son and I assumed that I was going
to be a single parent again. But the judge won't allow it. The case
worker keeps bring up a new problem to postpone "reunification".
I am presently considering giving up custody of the baby who has been in
foster care for almost one year. I want him out of foster care. I have
provided the judge with the name of a relative who will take him. Even that
is denied. For 9 months I did everything the CPS worker and judge demanded
from drug testing, parenting class, finger print back ground checks.
Nothing changed Then the caseworker demanded a psychiatric evaluation. She
was concerned that I wanted to potty train my then 18 month old son. I
wasn't flying under the radar. I told the judge that I
want my son out of foster care and I will give up my parental rights to do
it. He said I can do that but the court will decided who gets custody of my
son. Not me or another relative.
Talk about parental alienation. I feel like the only person in the world
who is dealing with life's problems and someone decided that I should do it
without my children. So I joined the class action lawsuit against my state
to support family law reform.
John Downes
Indiana State Leader for Lake county Indiana Civil Rights Council for Non
Custodial Parents.
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My Story : I have been alienated from my now 11 year old daughter for 8 years. I do not know where she is. He father took her. Saying if I tried anything to get her I would be killed. I did nothing, even though I have legal vistation, he has denied me the right to see her. I cry alot about this. I have 4 more children now an dwant them to know thier sister. I do not think this is fair and I want so much to do something, but he is protected by the law, the "Privacy Act" yet I am labeled a deadbeat because I can not afford the child support, I am on assistance I can't afford an pop after I pay my bills. I have told my 4 children about their sister and someday we will see her. I do not know what he has said about me, or what he has made me out to be, but I know the truth and I hope to share it with her one day. The beatings I took, because I didn't put him first, the fact he would not allow me to see her after my second child was born. I do love her and I miss her terribly. I honestly think people who stop the other parent from seeing thier child is the awlful person, especially if it is out of spite. I do believe in karma, what goes around, comes around.
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My Story : My story begins the day I married my husband because that is the day that the alienation began in earnest by my husband's ex-wife. It's interesting to me that she is the one who wasn't satisfied and filed for divorce; she didn't want him, yet she went on the warpath when he found someone else and was happy. The alienation was subtle, but it had devastating effects on his relationship with his teenage children. His ex began by scheduling other activities (using the educational best interests slant) on his visitation weekends. He thought he was being sensitive and accommodating by allowing his children to participate in these activities. He didn't want to force them to visit. He soon found out that he wouldn't get makeup weekends and the conflicts with visitation just increased. Whenever we would make some progress in visitation, his ex would pull a stunt to set it back. When his daughter refused to come out of her bedroom during visitation to join us to eat or bathe, afterward her mother screamed child abuse. The holiday and spring break visitations specified in the decree were ignored and she claimed the children were of an age that they could decide for themselves about visitations. Soon there weren't any excuses; the kids just refused to visit. His ex withheld school and medical information-even school pictures. Even when he did get the information, his input wasn't even considered on decisions concerning the children. Then his ex would turn around and accuse him of not being concerned and involved in his children's lives. There was also mind control: anytime my husband disagreed with a decision, he was mean or he wasn't supportive; if he refused to pay additional money above child support, he was selfish and didn't put his children first. And of course, then she pulled the step-mother weapon out; I was an outsider, the kids shouldn't have to tolerate me to see their father; if he really cared, he would ditch me and see them alone. The story ends with his son graduating from high school this year; my husband didn't even receive a graduation announcement. We sent a card and we will attend the graduation service, but it is just another hurtful blow to my husband. He has given up hope that his children will ever return to him. Nevertheless, we will continue to send cards and leave messages in the hopes that someday, they will break free of the control their mother has on them and come to realize their father loves them. Until then, my husband mourns their loss in his lives.
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I have recently recieved a flyer with your organization sent to me by another divorced parent. Your flyer/brochure paints an idealistic picture of divorce and the attitude that everyone should "play nice". It is not upto parent A to rectify the damage that has been done to the children by parent B. I find children just want to "get on with it" and depending on their age aren't really interested in the details surrounding their parents divorce. How do you truly understand divorce unless you have been married yourself. No matter how amicable the divorce is no child will understand it. My children can encounter hostile and aggressive behavior on the playground which can leave them disturbed,confused and frightened. I believe this to be an American website and I am writing to you from Australia. Women are still being sold the story that staying at home and taking care of their children is the best thing for them. What women are not being told is that in the Family Court of Australia money and who earns it accounts for more than anything. More than time spent with the children. So no matter if you were the best wife and mother going there is no dollar value. I would never never have stayed home with my children if I knew it would be a detriment to me 20 years down the road. This is what women are not being told. Children grow up to see things for themselves and have their own opinion. They grow up to be able to live practically anywhere in the world. So parents at war need to realize they do not own their kids. I believe their are extreme cases of mental and emotional abuse towards children just as there are other abuses.The public is aware of them but they still go on.What's the answer???
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My Story : I filed for divorce from my wife of 11yrs in May of 03'. Since then I have noticed that both my boys now 16 and 12 yrs old refuse to have any contact with me. When I ask their mother why She says "They don't want to see you." I can't believe that the same boys I wrestled with, went fishing or just hung out and watched T.V. now despised me. Their mother has told me that they have even said "I was nothing more than a sperm donor." I have not seen my older boy in nearly 3 yrs. I missed the opportunity to teach him how to drive a car, tie a tie and look another person in the eye when you talk to them. This despite the fact that I live less than two miles away. There have been no less than 3 mental health counselors and 1 psychiatrist involved in our family situation. Still no contact with my sons. There have also numerous court visits, mediations etc. and again no visits with my children. I have come to a few firm conclusions from this sad satuation. 1st. The relationship between children and their father is determined by their mother. She, ultimately is the gate keeper. 2nd. No court or judge can do anything to change the previous conclusion. 3rd. The one remedy I have found that can mildly offset the heartache of my situation, is the love of another woman. I know this sounds surprising, but it is true. I don't know if this helps anyone else, but it helped me to express myself at the very least. Thank you and no matter what, I am and will always be , my kids dad.
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My Story : Me and my wife are going through a nasty divorce and she has decided to use my children against me. i have a close bond with my children who are 1 and 5 and love them with all my heart. my wife has continued to take the kids on "overnight retreats" on a regular basis and not answer my phone calls, by the way we still reside together,no court orders, and joint custidy. she came home after 3 days away and two false police reports later so i decided to take the kids for a night to my mothers house, no fights anything. she said i can't do this and please don't. i was vry courtious and didn't argue. i asked what was the difference between when you go to yours and i go to mine which she replied i'm their mother. she than called the police department where i explained my story and they even said i didn't do anything wrong and proceeded to give the kids to my wife to leave, i politely asked why their mother and they just said that's the way the world rolls and to get a good lawyer, why their mother and not their father, i'm just as loving and caring as she is plus the fact i knew the police were coming and waited by the street so my kids wouldn't see this instead of grabbing them and taking off this has to stop.
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My Story : There is a Mother who is so angry and hurt by her divorce that she chooses to use her children as pawns to hurt her ex-husband. She weilds this power in many ways. She refuses to co-parent with the Father. She refuses to work with a parenting coordinator. She refuses to leave her children out of adult matters. This Mother holds her love conditionally to her children. They have been tasked with finding 'evidence' from the Fathers home and reporting back. A great reward is given for this adventure - her love - for the moment. This Mother proclaims in writing and follows through with actually showing and further explaining to the children portions of e-mails between she and her ex- husband so that she can 'trump' or prove that he is verbally abusive and unfair to her. These e-mails are emotional but the Father rarely if ever calls the Mother names or insults her. The Mother on the other hand has screamed and written profanities about the Father to and in front of the children. She has physically assaulted the Father in front of his children as well. The Father does not share e-mails with his children. Therefore the versions they are shown from their Mother are slanted and often squewed to suit her needs. The Father is engaging with the Mother on regular child care issues and is simply holding his position (in other words will not acquesce his point). I believe this Mother is a practicing this form of emotional abuse and parental alienation. She has no compunction or boundary in how she manipulates her children to 'side' with her and hate the Father. Unfortunatly for these children they are loyal and they want desperately to love and respect their parents.
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A Bad Social Experiment
I have been a victim of DV from my late wife, who passed away in 1996 due to agenda empowered dysfunction. I found myself a single parent and did not remarry due to what I believe has been identified as the PeterPan syndrome. Nevertheless I raised my kids faithfully and provided for them over the years all their needs, of food, clothing, and shelter, and made sure they attended school regularly. My son became ill in 2004 and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. It was during this time that I found out that I was a victim of parental fraud. He, our son, was now 18 years old. It was during this stressful time that I was experiencing a series of wrongful dismissals from employment from multinational corporations in the IT field and was forced to go back to work as a truckdriver.
We decided that we would move to BC from AB. I could get a transfer there with my employment. There was also a maternal aunt that was out there that offered assistance with my 2 youngest children, who are girls, as they had become rebellious. After relocating to BC, I found that rather than being of assistance she was inciting the rebellion as she had alternative motives. She wished to gain custody of the two girls so that she could collect welfare for having them. She coaxed my youngest girl into making accusations of physical abuse to the child welfare system. They quickly sent a rapid response worker in to our house and swooped her up on me. They then placed her with the aunt. This aunt had already had two of her previous children taken away from her through the child welfare system. She now had my youngest in her possession and I found out that she was going to take her out of the province and back to Alberta for her dads funeral. I refused to give permission and told my daughter that she needed to come home.
She reluctantly agreed but when she came back she was physically and verbally abusive. She struck me several times and said that there were all kinds of complaints against me. She said that I was under investigation. She hit me several times over the next couple of hours and this while she was talking to a social worker that she had on the phone. She seemed to be drawing support from this social worker for her dysfunction as she would say things like, "isn't he pathetic"? Finally growing exasperated I realized that I had no choice but to send her back to her aunts. I asked to speak to the social worker that she had on the phone and told her that I would be sending her back to her aunts. She then said to me, "Its okay then if she goes to AB then"? I stated to her that it was not okay but that I didn't have any options but to send her back to her aunts as I was not going to be hit anymore from my daughter.
I had managed to maintain my employment at the same time get my son involved in a trade builders program where he was receiving an income for the trade certifications that he working towards. I also had the girls scheduled for counseling through the Surrey Hospice centre, I had been attending the Parents together meetings in Surrey, BC. Upon arrival in BC I had located a three bedroom apartment that was 2 blocks away from the kids school. The girls could now both be going to the same school as high school was from 7 -12 in BC where as in AB it was 10 - 12. My youngest was starting her grade 9 and her sister was in grade 11. I had got them relocated in time for the start of the school year. There did seem to be a problem with my employment when I first located to BC. My employer was looking upon me quite suspiciously and demanded a drug test. He was quite relieved when it came back negative and placed me to work.
Well all this work for a new start now seemed to be hopeless as my family was now broken up and my daughter had been put into a drunken and violent environment and was now taken out of the province. The aunt had lied to me when she had told me that she had not been drinking for 7 years and was attending church regularly. That was the reason that I had decided that this move to BC might be a new start and help get some stability back into our lives. The insecurities that started in AB were now continuing in BC and we had not even been there 2 months. My oldest daughter was especially affected by these and was now hanging out with some new friends from school and staying out late when she had school the next day. Some times she would not even come home after her younger sister was snatched away from the government and placed into the dysfunctional drunken environment that she was now in.
I tried to encourage the kids that the best thing for us was to continue with the school and the programs and employment that we were engaged in. It would give us a measure of security in the midst of this storm.
During all this I was trying to locate an advocate, someone that would take up this cause. Most seemed to like to claim that title but had no means to take on the Behemoth of the child welfare system. There was a public outcry in BC about the same time as a small child was placed into a highly dysfunctional home and the boys father beat the child to death. I decided I would write a letter to the reporter who was covering this story and add my voice to the courus of boo's. I outlined my situation and stated that I felt that it was just one more in a long list. It turned out that I was correct, that there had been just about 1000 deaths from child welfare placements since 1996 to 2006. This in a 10 year period set off alarm bells with the public. In the inquiry that ensued the terms of reference where changed in the middle of the inquiry which caused many to cry out that there was a conspiracy.
I had gotten word and my daughter was now abandoned in AB at my mother’s old folks home. My house was once again divided by two provinces. This had happened once before during the course of my marriage. My late wife had taken the kids when I was at work in AB and ran off to BC with a guy she had met at a party of her sisters. I had applied for a court order in AB in the Queens Bench because I had found out that she was in BC. She had applied in the BC Supreme Court a day previously. Hers took precedence because it was granted a day earlier. I had to take time off work once more and go fight for my kids and oppose her order. Appearing on my own behalf she must have been told I didn't have a hope in hell. After all she had already managed to have me charged three times for assaults that I hadn't committed but plead guilty to as I knew from an early age the system was stacked against me. But She didn't know that my hope was not in hell but it was in God. And He heard my cries against all the injustices that I had endured. The judge after hearing all the evidence ordered the children returned to my care. That was back in 1994 and I had now been a single parent for 11 years. My house was once again carved up by the government and divided by two provinces. Was there ever going to be any end to this madness?
The Madness didn't stop. Once back in AB the government tried many things upon me to break me down. It was orchestrated crisis's. These included: Having my daughters put into foster care where one tried to commit suicide and I was not informed. The other one was forced to go to drug treatment for stealing drugs from the foster parent and getting caught smoking them at school. When I tried to go to court and bring these things out I was not allowed to speak but was portrayed by the government as an mentally unstable person who believed there was a conspiracy. The children and myself have been subjected to the worst type of psychological abuse imaginable. I have been to countless lawyers and they can only say that I should get some help. Unwilling to believe my story only added to the alienation from the system of abuse. The AB government effectively held my daughter without ever getting a temporary guardianship order for over 18 months.
It had a devasting impact on all of us and my son with scitzophrenia has gone into relapse and had to be rehospitalized on Feb 1, 2007. My oldest daughter who is 17 now ended up getting into an abusive relationship where she was just about beaten to death. She escaped from his vehicle and phoned me to get her. After picking her up I drove her to the hospital. Her face was badly swollen up and the white of her eyes were red with blood. The police didn't even come to the hospital. Two times previous to this incident I had tried to intervene and press charges against this guy and nothing was done. During one of those times I was even beaten up with baseball bats.
My youngest daughter ran away from the foster care that she was in and is now back at home with me. There was a court order in place that said that she could not have visitation with me except in the presence of a psychologist. The government withdrew there application for Temporary Guardianship on Apr 20/07.
The system of abuse was not able to break me but it had a devasting effect upon my children. I was conditioned at an early age to the abuse as I was in the child welfare system as a youth. It is evident to me that I have been targeted by the system. Through the losses of employment and the lawlessness that has been employed in breaking down my family.
The system finacially empowers rebellion to bring kids into the system. It attacks the natural power structure of the family and empowers the kids over the parents and the wife over the husband. I would not have been able to survive with out my good credit rating. I am now maxed out from this two year battle with government forces.
Compiling various government documents across the two provincial jurisdictions it appears as though I have been targeted by high policing(most likely CSIS). I attempted to make a human rights complaint against CSIS to the human rights commission of Canada stating that I believe that I had been discriminated against due to being a ward of the province of AB and on the grounds of a criminal record pardon. In AB a criminal record pardon is not a protected right against discrimination as it is in the other provinces of Canada. I told the precomplaint officer that phoned me that I had approximately 65 pieces of evidence that I would like them to review. She merely stated that she had no time and that they were very busy. I stated that it should be in the public interest but that perhaps the complaint was not consistant with there agenda.
What do you think? Is CSIS, or the system God. Have they exceeded there mandate and engaging in social engineering? Is Canada founded upon principals that recognize the Supremacy of God and the Rule of Law?
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My story. I spent six years in and out of the family court system fighting for every other weekend and every other holiday with my daughter. Due to an abusive and hostile costodial parent, I have been completely stripped of any relationship with my daughter. The only time I did spend with her was under monitiored and supervised visits like I was some kind of criminal that could not be alone with a child. I was completely humiliated and demoralized by the courts, counselors, mediators, judge, attorneys, monitors, case manager, etc... Parental Aliention is not only real, it is predominate. After six years of complete alienation, frustration, humiliation, and complete exhaustion - financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually, I walked away from the court and the fight for my duaghter. They killed me, raped me, and left me on the roadside for dead. Sincerley alienated father. |
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My Story : your discription was true... i have had the most heartwrenching 18months of my life, and yes it is very much like the bereavement of a child. i know this pain as my first son died aged 3 months. four years after my son died i had a beutifull son number 2,then three years later i was blessed with son number 3. i love all my boys with all my heart and was happily married for 12 years,then the divorce. being a child of divorced parents i was well aware of the hurt and insecurities that came with that,so i asked my ex-husband to agree that we would not "bad mouth" each other in front of the children and that our boys would only ever have one mum and one dad..my ex-agreed. for 4 years all went as well as it could in a divorce, i encouraged the boys to see their dad at least 3 times a week and if they knocked him i would tell them that he was their dad and that he was doing all he could for them. needless to say the last 18 months have turned my life upside down. i always had a close relationship with my boys but due to hormones and my sons transition from boy to man,we had a disagreement and when i asked his dad to help difuse the situation, he resorted to telling my son he wanted him to live with him. my son was angry but i gave him the choice of which he chose to go with his dad,hard as it was to let him go i understood he needed his dad. a few weeks in he started to get angry, for no reason,then started to visit less and less, he made odd comments knocking me, but i shrugged this off as teen atitude. the first christmas i was told by my ex that my son would not be able to visit as he was too busy over christmas,he then sent a text on christmas day to say i could have him if i could collect him,,(i have no transport).i tried to reason and get my son to get a taxi down but his dad said no. needless to say this has gone on for the last year and the visits got less and less,i have been unable to see my son on his birthday either. i sent cards and each time i rebuilt the relationship to where my son was revisiting he would suddenly stop. the last few months he has started to call me by my first name and is calling his new stepmum mum. when i tried to remind my ex of our pledge he said in front of my son "well she makes a better mum than you." this is one of many hurtfull comments that i have had to endure, each time i asked my son why he was angry he would have no answer,but just said its easier when i dont visit you.life is calmer and there are no arguments. recently my second son has gone to live with his dad,and regretably history has repeated itself,he doesnt visit either. i have spent many sleepless tearfull nights over this time trying to think what i did wrong,until i went on a chatboard and saw P.A.S. it was like a light going on... and i would say there is no hurt worse than loosing your child, let alone loosing three... thank you for your information... i cannot do any more than hope now that in a few years my sons will realise what has happend and return.
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My Story : als moeder van een 2 jarig dochtertje heb ik ook te maken met oudervervreemding.Het is onbeschrijfelijk te vertellen hoe pijnlijk de afscheuring van datgene wat je het dierbaarst is kan zijn.Door een éénzijdige dwingende beslissing van mijn man zie ik haar nu slechts 1 dag om de 2 weken.Ik moet daar zelf dan nog eens 400km voor afleggen om ze af te halen en terug te brengen want ook dat werd mij opgelegd door mijn man.Voor de rest wordt ik volledig afgesloten van haar leefwereld en de toch belangrijke evolutie in haar jong leventje.Hoe is het mogelijk dat er niet sneller ingegrepen wordt in dergelijke situaties.Het belang van het kind primeert maar wanneer? Het is pijnlijk te zien hoe mijn klein meisje te kampen krijgt met verlatingsangst hoe ze tiert en roept als ik ze terug moet brengen.Een KORTgeding zoals men dat noemen wil werd ingeleid door oneerlijke praktijken van de tegenpartij tot 2 maal uitgesteld en nu wachten we reeds 2 weken zonder enig nieuws tot op heden.Voor mij heeft elk kind recht op een vader en een moeder want beiden geven toch andere waarden mee in het leven van een kind.Het is een misdaad een kind dit recht te ontnemen en het zijn niet enkel de vaders die het slachtoffer zijn.
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My Story : Beginning around 1993, married at that time for 11 years, 3 boys, ages 11, 9, 4 and half years. My husband and father to these wonders was melting fast. Our marriage seemed solid, honest, and unfortuneatly about to change course. We decided to move from Seattle WA, to a small town in Idaho. His mothers family came from there, I had come from Idaho, and agreed to this very big move to be able to give a less stressed environment to the kids, and to ourselves. Struggles were there, financially, but worst was the difficult adjustment of leaving my own family and coming to a close knitted religious farming community with a population around 9,000thousand people. I taught exercise/fitness classes part-time at the only athletic club in the town. My husband worked with construction related companites and soon decided he would like to have his own business. Late 1988 was our arrival, by 1992 he had the deal for his own company. 1991 i gave birth to our fourth child, a daughter. Responsibilities for us as a couple were high, and time for being a couple and family grew smaller. Our relationship drifted apart, by 1992 we found out our oldest son had been´molested by the next door neighbors oldest boy who was at that time 14. Charges were filed, and counseling sought out for what had already happened. By summer we moved from the town to 2 miles out to try for another emotional break. The business grew also, and soon, we were just a family looking pretty ok from the outside but drifting apart. 1993 summer I took the kids to Seattle to visit my mom and family. Our difficulties with eachother as partners, parents, was discussed, and no solutions could be found. I wanted out of the life we had made there, I voiced my concerns, and nothing was really ever being heard. He also started seeing other women, (secretly) and an old affairs truth surfaced which sent the love and respect I had for him, into space. Our communication "died", i began taking anxiety medicine, and finally after months of struggling with depression, I demanded a divorce. We agreed joint shared custody, I didnt want a battle or to separate the kids. So we verbally agreed that the business would not be split, and the court fees to not be extended or wasted in the mud. I moved from our home, signed the papers, and naively thought this person I had married would stand on what we both agreed upon. The beginning of the end, I walked away with no money, no custody, but thought I was saving my children from unnecessary arguments and stress. He had full power, and ´stupidly I let my parental rights slip away. From seeing the children as a stay home mom to only everyother weekend, and sometimes´a moment in between. My ex already seeing another woman. 3 months after the divorce i took a trip to Europe, Norway and Denmark, to get away , and meet my mothers side of the family in there homeland. My journey took me to a land and place where i felt some hope and relief for myself and situation. I returned to find my ex even more defiant and controlling, so decided to get away again for 3 months to Denmark where i had met many wonderful people and had made friends. I met and married a danish man a year later. My visitation rights were to have the kids all summer and everyother weekend, no child support was requested from me until i could establish myself with a home and steady job. For 6 years, my life came to being in the USA for 3 months back to DK for 3 months and back to the states. My mother moved from Seattle to Idaho and was my resident rock, and stability for that time. Her sacrifice is and was unbelievingly amazing. Then my ex filed papers with child support, and I was subpeoned, i went to court and could only agree to pay support after getting back to DK and finding fulltime work. That didnt happen, but i did manage to find part time work, and was able to send money for a year. 2001 i visited my kids for that summer and had a mental breakdown. Hospitalized, and then returned to Denmark. 2002 Jan, my oldest son committed suicide. I have always tried to maintain communication with the kids, and never got support from there father about a thing, only the harsh words he pricked into there ears... If she cared about you she wouldnt have moved to the other side of the world. He still uses it, The pieces of my life are scattered, my emotional strength shattered from the death of our oldest son. I have been back in 2003 and 2006 but time apart and too many misunderstandings have left me weak, and too vulnerable to really face anything, I lost, I hate what i let happen, I dont know where I can "fix" anything, and consequently have sort of given up. My heart will hurt forever, and I really dont want this to be the end.
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My Story : It's all quite simple. I live in the Tampa Bay Area of Florida. Florida is one of those no-fault divorce states. My wife, a stay-at-home-mom/part-time-worker/part-time-student, got some bug that she wanted a divorce from me. We've got 2 boys, ages 15 and 11. Since she's got virtually no financial equity in the 17 years that we've been married, she bad mouthed me to the kids. My older son said "Mom says divorce is OK if you're divorcing someone who is not Christian." My younger son demanded of me "Give me back my trust fund NOW!". I of course told him that I put his money in a safe place. I've gotten caught in the trap of arguing with my sons when their mother's words were coming out of their mouths. When my wife wasn't getting what she wanted she set me up for failure and I was removed by a domestic violence injunction, where she sites events that she was not a witness to and the kids were pumped up. I haven't seen my sons since March 21, 2007 (almost 2 months) and a major part of the problem is the court system, that they should entertain such nonsense, which translates to PAS, which translates to child abuse. My wife knows what she is doing, but she doesn't care about the kids. I, of course, can not have any contact with the kids, because of the DVI. And so the alienation continues. Do they miss me? Do they love me? Are they hurt? Are they sad? Have the become totally void of feelings? I wish I could hold them and tell them how much I miss them and love them, but the courts won't allow it. My wife has practiced some other forms of child abuse that I am getting to the bottom of. My younger son, does NOT have the peanut allergy that she's lead everyone to believe. Since I started digging into this, she's been very active in her alienation practices. My older son, was DIAGNOSED with ADD. Apparently, he doesn't have it. Although, thanks to her, he has spent half of his life on Ritalin. Again, she hates that I am a problem solver, and so she has the kids believing that I am an evil father. It was me, that took the boys camping in cub scouts. It was me, that took them fishing. It was me that showed them how to use hand tools and took them bike riding. Not my wife. It's true that my wife and I have problems, but she brought the kids into the battle as her shield. One day they'll know the truth.
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