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Letters from parents
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My Story : I would like to share with you something I recorded in 2002 when my youngest daughter was only 6 years old. I did not know back then anything about PAS or even what the letters stood for. Now 4 years later neither of my daughters speak to me now that they have been moved over 200 miles away. I keep an open mind and an open heart for them that someday they will return. Write to me if you would like to hear this wave file. It's sad that if I knew what I did today back then about PAS I wonder if my daughters would be still here or not? But I do know this one thing for sure, the courts don't care.
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For some reason my ex-wife had put into our separation agreement what she called a "right of first refusal". Apparently it is pretty common. it called for an offer of parenting time to the other parent before utilizing a child care provider. One day during my visitation time with the boys I heard them discussing their babysitter, "Barb". It turned out that during one weekend my ex had gone to a conference and had called someone to come over and baby-sit all day long. When I filed a contempt based on the agreement she lied to the court and told them she had offered the kids to me and I had refused. That, of course never happened as I have never refused an opportunity to have my boys. Later I asked them and in fact she had told them the same thing, that she had asked me and I had refused saying I was too busy or something.
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I am now a 41 year old female who has been PAS as a child and now by an Ex husband and Adoptive mother.
As a child my mother left my father before I was born and growning up he was either never mentioned or what was said was never nice. I spent most of my life wishing I'd had a chance to make up my own mind about him. Finally at the age of 18 I got his phone number and called him to be told that he thought I was dead and he wished to keep it that way. I never understood why . The only things I was ever told about him were not good or nice . And by the time I was 18 he had become ill. And I would have to guess that he didn't want to drag me in at that point and that he did not have enough time to make things right or enough time to help me under stand what happened. Now as an adult I realize that I missed so much in my life by him not being a part of it.
As a mother of my own children ( 3 one son and 2 daughters) by two marriages I am now alienated from my son for 25 yrs. I have been trying to find him for some time now but have not at this point been able to locate him but have not given up and won't.
My right to my daughters was removed 14 years ago and I was forbidden to make contact with them. Now they are 18 and 19 and as of Sept.2005 they contacted me. They now live in the same state as I . Trying to repair the damage done is not easy in any way. They as of right now do not understand nor want to understand what it is to be Alienated from a parent and family. They have been Alienated from all members of my family since the oldest was 5 years old . And I'm at a loss as to how to fix the damage done to them.
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My Story : After 17 years of trying to stay in a marriage with a manipulating sociopathic husband,I left him after he threatened to kill me one night. I still cared about him, but I could not live that way anymore. He threatened to kill me and he threatened suicide if I took the kids. Out of fear, I made the biggest mistake of my life - I left without the kids. I trusted him to take care of them. I visited them daily, cooked and cleaned for them,and made a valiant effort to remain in their lives. But their father had other plans. He told me that if I would not be his wife, then I was not allowed to be their mother. I knew this was a ridiculous threat as I believed the laws of NY state would allow me time with my kids and see that my then husband was not mentally stable enough to be custodial parent. I was dead wrong! My children's father had so entrenched and poisoned the minds of my children before we even got into court. Once in court, the ignorant judge who over saw our case basically left custody and visitation decissions up to the brainwashed children. (who mirrored perfectly their father's views) The judge believed every lying word of my children and their father despite the fact that a court ordered psychological test identified the children as being severe victims of PAS. The judge stated that he was afraid that my children would run away if forced to visit me, but yet, ironically, he believed that the children were emotionally well adjusted to make a decision on whether or not they would allow me to be in their lives. How could a child who had a solid, loving relationship with a parent suddenly cast that parent off like yesterday's trash? And if a child chooses to eliminate a parent completely from their lives, can this child really be emotionally stable? Should the judicial system be rewarding child abusers who emotionally abuse by causing alienation? So many questions, so few answers. To make a long story short, I have not seen my children for many months, and I only live 5 miles away. I send cards, notes, gifts and requests for visits monthly. I never get any replies. Not even on Mother's Day. I am a first grade teacher and I have a classroom full of kids who I love and who love me back, but there will always be a sadness in my heart for the loss of my two daughters. My daughters minds and souls have been held hostage by their father and they will never be free to love unless he admits to what he did to them. Unfortunately, he is a sociopath,and he cannot admit to guilt or wrong-doing. I fear that my children are lost forever. I love them with all my heart and my greatest wish is to hug them once more.
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My Story : I have read the stories on this board and they are the stories about men who were alienated against their children for the most part. I want to make a very strong statement here. PAS does not only happen to fathers and their children by the ex wives. Many many times, the blatant fact that PAS is started by abusive, phsycotic and imbalanced men is not acknowledged by the press, law officials, governments and so on...this is truly a sad affair. I believe that PAS against women started by ex husbands happens a lot more than we may see...simply because of this. FEAR. I am a horribly abused woman by an ex husband who deciced he would punish me for leaving him, by brainwashing my son against me. I was a great mom, loved my son, my son love me, and I have missed him terribly for the last 20 years. The phsycotic nature and violent tendencies of my ex has put the breaks on my agressively persuing a relationship with my brainwashed son. The reason I have suffered is not only because of my vindictive ex, but also because of the poor law system in Canada that used to tap an abusive man on the wrist for brutally beating up his wife or girlfriend. The law in Canada also favours the man who earns a good living over someone with little to no monetary options and without a work history. When I was in the abusive marriage, my ex forbade me to become independant through work or by any other means. I was forced to stay home and be totally independant of him; he also forbade me to have friends that may one day help me. In turn, when I left for the final time, I was basically S.O.L...no money, no car, no furniture, nothing. My old fashioned parents didn't make it easier on me either, and I cut off all ties with them for years. So they were of no help to me; in fact, they aided and abetted my ex in getting away with the brainwashing act. The other thing about Canadian law is this: the reason that I've not had custody however is not because I lost it, but because I handed it over to my abusive ex because the law, 20 years ago, saw it fit to disclose my residential address to my violent ex, should we share custody, which was my original intention (always the fair one, that is me); the reason for this was, that the each of the parents has a right to know where their child is when not in the presence of the absentee parent of the moment. Basically I had to hand over custody in order to save my life; had my ex known where my son and I lived, he would have killed me eventually, after the stark realization on his part, that I would never come back to him. This is what the law did to me and to my son 20 years ago. And what my ex did to me and my son is worse. I have not seen my son whom I miss dearly, who I have not seen grown up, who has hated me based on the lies that his father told him about me..I have had numerous stress related problems and I also have developed a debilitating sleep problem because even after all this time, I can't stop thinking about my son whom I miss, and the injustice that was done to me and my son, and, the realization that I may never see him again. Sometimes I wish he had died so I could mourn him and know that it was "an act of God" and not a man's vindictive revenge on something I had every right to do; leave the abusive relationship for good. It also doesn't help that my ex has tried to completely erase (and I'm sure he's done a great job of it) any memory of me as his son's mom, by marrying a woman who now calls my son her son, and who my son in turn calls her "mom"....It's taken a lot of self control to not lose it...but there's still time. |
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My Story : Among all the Parental Alienation victims I have dealt with,here in Maine, I have not found one of these victims where the GUARDIAN AD LITEM (GAL)has actually interviewed both parents equally, or even bothered to interview friends, other relatives, neighbors or go into the schools to talk with teachers or guidance counselors. This is shameful and the GAL's get paid for it. THIS WAS THE CASE WITH MY NEPHEW'S GAL. After a year, I had the opportunity to ask the GAL if he had gone to school and talked to the guidance counselor, etc and his answer was, "not yet". As we all know, after a year it's too late...the damage was done. Not only did he not go to the school,he NEVER contacted friends or relatives. The 2 or 3 he had contact with had to call him. My nephew's wife had died and left 2 dear little children. It was her parents that ripped apart the bond of love that the children and he had. I never knew what Parental Alienation was until this controlling grandmother committed this cruel and evil act. He was harrassed, defamed, bullyed and much more. The grandparents were allowed to get away with ignoring the court order that 'he have complete access to children anytime as well his family'. The court and the GAL were notified of this. The GAL told me he never got the notice, even though it had to be and was signed upon delivery. At the first hearing only the other side got to be heard and the Guardian ad Litem allowed the court to put off the next hearing for 5 months. During that time the grandparents were able to turn the kids against the only dad they ever knew, as well as his whole family, because the judge allowed the kids to stay with the grandparents for the summer. They were to go back with their dad for the school year. Of course that made it more important for the grandparents to get the kids brainwashed quickly. Anyone going through this should get the book "CHILDREN HELD HOSTAGE Dealing With Programmed and Brainwashed Children", put out by the American Bar Association. Get it in the hands of your lawyer. Make sure your lawyer understands PAS and watch out for the GAL because to the courts he is playing the part of GOD. It would take too long to relate all the wicked things the grandparents did, but within a matter of weeks the whole attitude of the kids changed and they no longer wanted anything to do with him or his family. The GAL's hold the whole family in their hands and through them the whole future of that family is decided. BEST INTERESTS don't seem to be a priority with a GAL. If we knew then, what we know now, perhaps some of the awful heartache could have been avoided. That man never should have been appointed a GAL. He had no knowledge of Parental Alienation, nor would he listen to anything about it.....he broke all the rules and guidelines of a GAL, but he collected his money after ruining another Maine family. His final report to the judge (I have a copy) was full of lies and other misinterpretations. We are now working to get a bill in the next legislative session to firm up the guidelines for the GAL's and make them responsible for their actions. Alienated - Non Custodial parents have a chance to get in on a Class Action Lawsuit being filed against the courts. Every state is getting involved -county by county. For more information please go to--- http://www.indianacrc.org/classactionco.html DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE Check us out, too, at www.msnusers.com/PASKids Hazel Davis, chair PAS Kids In Distress, Maine
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My Story : After 8 years of personally dealing with this abuse by an ex-spouse in Colorado and having been kept 100% alienated from my 2 daughters for that time --plus-- an attitude of horrendous ambilvalence if not out-right hostility toward me by the courts I want very much to let people know as much as I can about this issue. I could write a book (and most likely should one day) but now need to keep this managable and focused to the topics that would best serve your site. Please provide me some guidance as to what information you actually want here. Just a few paragraphs will not effectively convey the issue - how much are you willing to take? As my case is largely already in the public record now due to extensive hearings etc I am able to provide whatever detail is needed.
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My Story : I am writing this just a few days after my son's 12th birthday. The last time I saw him was a few months before he turned 10. Sometimes I am amazed that I am living in a nightmare, with no hope of waking up. I am the father of two children. I have been divorced since 2002, and the divorce was typical. It was all one-sided, but I did everything my ex wanted so that I would not lose my relationship with my son and daughter (ages 7 and 3) at the time. I had once been a full-time father, raising my little girl for a year and a half by myself. My decision to return to work brought on the divorce. For three years after getting kicked out of the house, I was with my children every other day, and this time was uninterrupted. I had summer vacations with them and there were never any problems. I bathed them each night before they went to their mother, and that was it. My ex and I did not like to talk to each other (too much tension), so we used a notebook that was passed in between us. Not the best method of communication, but it did its job. Things started to go awry in December of 2003, when my ex got engaged. Shortly after the engagement, in February of 2004, someone planted gay porn on my property, and I got a letter sent to me, supposedly by my ex, that basically threatened me over the porn: "Do not show this part of your life to my children." I started to get really nervous, so I arranged for transitions to be in a public place. Then, two months later, in April of 2004, I received court papers that my ex filed saying that I had an anger problem and since I screamed so much at the children, they did not want to see me at all. This was news to me, since no one had ever seen me yelling at the children...ever! Well, I need to be honest: I did yell at my daughter because she darted out in front of a car, and my voice pretty much saved her life. I had to get a lawyer quickly to meet my ex in court in a few days. The lawyer I got was okay, but I did not have a choice. The female judge, who was once a teacher at Smith College, was very conservative about the situation, and granted my ex's request to deny visitation temporarily, during which time I was to be supervised by my parents if I did want to see them. I was supposed to meet with the children's therapist also. My parents were only able to arrange one meeting with my daughter, and she was ecstatic to see me after no contact for a month. My son, my ex said, was too angry with me to see me. My parents then tried to arrange other meetings, but since they did not believe the allegations my ex was making, they were shut out completely. Another few months went by, and sexual abuse allegations came up out of nowhere. A GAL was assigned to check everything out, along with DSS. Well, DSS cleared me and the GAL said that nothing inappropriate had ever happened, and some kind of contact needed to be established. The GAL also said that denying the children the right to see a parent who was falsely accused of being abusive was in itself abusive. My ex tried to prevent the GAL report from being submitted, and she even filed charges against the GAL. The judge overseeing the case did the unbelievable: she ignored the entire GAL report and ordered me to 40 weeks of anger-management classes (for men who are usually ordered as part of their probation agreement!). Contact with my son was also completely denied. My new attorney tried to get the court reconsider, and it was arbitrarily denied. What was I supposed to do? I started taking the classes, and the men who were there could not figure out why I was even in the room with them. The moderator did not know what to do either! During all of this, and just before the one-year mark passed, my co-workers received anonymous mailings from someone, and they contained details from the therapist my children were seeing. This therapist was only relaying what the children had been telling him, and everyone's names were redacted except for mine. Luckily, most of the letters were destroyed in time. I have come to find out that the new step-father had done the exact same thing to his ex-wife, and got caught doing it! I finished the classes, but still there has been nothing. The allegations have gotten worse, but DSS keeps clearing me (all the reports conclude with "unsupported" for every single charge). The DSS workers do not even want to deal with my ex anymore. The therapist dealing with my son has been good enough to meet with me a few times, but when he recommended to the court that some kind of visitation should be arranged, my ex pulled my children from his services and found two therapists who refuse to even talk to me (ignoring a court order). So, now it has been two years since I have had any contact. A five day trial is pending sometime in the future, but no one knows. In the meantime, I have investigated the past of the new stepfather, and I have learned that he is a sociopath. He has even sent threatening mail to my sibling. Every time I feel like giving up, I think about the safety of my kids, which is compromised with the new stepfather. It is as if my children are dead, since they have disappeared from the face of the earth. No one has seen them, and they live only 25 minutes away from me. Everyone in my family has been shut out of their life, and yet the court has done nothing about it. What kind of a society is this? What kind of society sanctions such a situation? I have not seen my children for two years, and yet no one thinks that there is a problem with it. Why? Life does go on. I have remarried, and I have a beautiful step-daughter, and a baby is on the horizon. I am sad that I cannot share these joyous events with my own flesh and blood. They are being taught to hate and fear me, and that is something no one should have to experience.
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My Story : My daughter is almost 3 years old. Through what is becoming a severe and costly (to me) custody battle with mom throwing every roadblock and destructive demeanor towards the relationship I have with my daughter. I currently am visiting my daughter supervised and have been for over 2 years since her mother absconded her from my home claiming "you have no intent to marry me" and "I want the kids to live with their grandmother near my daughter's half-brother's school" 25 miles from my home. These two reasons were primary reasons for her leaving me with my 5 month old daughter. Her mother has made various accusations about me that have easily clouded the court in not allowing me to see my daughter unsupervised. There is absolutely no proof whatsoever that any of the mothers accusations are true but the court obviously errs on the side of caution and this issue has cost me over $20K to date just to have a relationship with my daughter. Today I am visiting my daughter by court order. My daughter uses the term for yet another of mommy's boyfriends as "big daddy" or "daddy" and calling me by my surname. My daughtr oftentimes talks about "big daddy" and everything he does for her and the possessions he has. The mother is very manipulative and lives (shacks up) in a very wealthy part of town with this boyfriend my daughter calls "big daddy". Other notes: My daughter's mother is on welfare and I pay $500 per month in child support (95%) of my daughter's support and provide medical insurance. Basically all of this is breaking me. Any advice?
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My X did what her attorney told her to do. I do not know this for sure, but according to the Wall Street Journal, it's "Standard" procedure to accuse the other spouse of sexual abuse, in a divorce custody case in America. Check out "Back to Salem", the story of a Florida Police Officer (Grant Snowden) who did "9" years in Prison for a false story about sexual abuse. Championed by attorney...Janet Reno, to get recognition to be nominated for Attorney General! She took this idea a step further and rehearsed a "LIE" with my daughter, which brought CPS to my door. This "Lynch Mob" didn't listen to a word I (or any of my family & friends) said. It was (for them) guilty until proven innocent. I told this investigator how to do his job, on tape and in front of an attorney. After he did what I told him to do the fraud was discovered, and the whole thing dropped! Not in time to help anything but my X. After thousands in expenditures, in hours, money, and sanity, and the entire Father/Daughter relationship, All destroyed. CPS did not apologize for the Witch-Hunt, the destruction of the relationship, reputation, sanity, or finances. Nor did they punish the Mother in any way. (not even a warning). I have a copy of the "Official" (cough-cough) report...CYA-LIE! I enquired about...what if she told the same lie again (10 days later)(after the activity of the case was up). He (CPS) did make a verbal threat to quote..."I'll be back and I'll do the same thing, and this time I'll Finish the Job!" ..un quote. I wonder if all these Judges/Attorneys/Counselors know just what kind of blood-thirsty morons make these investigations/recomendations? C- average at city college? That's all it takes, look it up. Jobs are waiting because they have a 300% turnover every six months! When I heard this I said "What?" He changed the subject and droned on (after I asked him what he was going to do about her to prevent this from happening continously until the end of time?) He spewed some worthless dribble about how we've seen the last of her. That's it! This is the most Sexist, Predudice, Hypocritical "Goon Squad" on this planet. They couldn't find a conspiracy if it was sitting on their chest "Barking" in their face! Or the even SICKER scenario, ...when you're part of an overstaffed government agency trying to avoid "downsizing", you have to play stupid, and "Snow-Ball" nonsense into a career for yourself, regardless of the dozens you permanantly hurt to assure yourself a paycheck next week! This "Jerk" did send a counselor to talk to me, who (and I have a recording of this) "Snickered at me. Now a laugh at someone means they're foolish/paranoid, but a "Snicker" means they know exactly what's going on and couldn't care less! Not that counselors in this area of depression/loss should do either! Just frosting on the cake of an Eclectic group of wasted skin, bleeding this government dry, and producing nothing but lifelong regret/sorrow for anyone they touch! I haven't seen or heard from my daughter in 10 years. PAS?...it's rampant! Those that cause it are untouchable! (and get government paychecks) Those that know about it...don't care, and those that care about it...don't know. |
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My Story : I have three wonderful children. My children are currently living with their Great Auntie on there fathers side. I was 16yrs old when i had my oldest son and 17yrs old when i had my daughter and 19yrs old when i had my son. I was very young and really did not know much about being a responsible parent to my children. To make a long story short, My kids father was cheating on me almost every day and fighting me in front of my children and taking the little money the county was giving my children. I began to do drugs and drink lots of alcohol. I had no one to turn to for help, no guidance or structure in my life at all. So i made that turn and it caused me to lose every thing. Most importantly my children. My children became wards of the Court over some time and a few more incidents. You know after losing my children and the only man i knew, My addiction got worst before better. Now I have 4yrs clean and sober. I have found God. Well While i was in my addiction. My childrens Auntie started telling my children that i am a drug head, that i can't love them, i just want them back for the money, among other negative things. You know no one is perfect, every body has some type of down fall. Its not about the fall its about how you can get up and stay up. By the Grace of God. My rights have not been taken, I am able to go to court. I really have my childrens best interest in my heart. the court order visit's for me and my children. My children are suffering so much it hurts me to try to even think about it. My Baby's have some issues with not being able to be with their mother or their father.
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My Story : I am in the military, and have been since 1999. My wife and I were in a relationship before I joined, and I had joined so I could support her, as that is what I feel a real man should do. Over the course of our relationship we had problems, who doesn't, but overall things were going OK. When it got to the point where I felt it was time to sever ties and cut our losses, we discovered we were pregnant. While this was unplanned (by me at least...I have my doubts about her intentions) I welcomed it with open arms and was excited about becoming a father. The day my daughter was born was the best day of my life. Things were improving in my marriage and I thought things were starting to pan out. Shortly after re-enlisting (December 2002) I was deployed to Saudi Arabia to support Operation Iraqi Freedom. I was there for nearly 6 months, and while I was there I discovered my wife was cheating on me and cleaning out my bank account. Helpless, I turned to my leadership who quickly sent me home to attempt to save my marriage. When I discovered that there was no salvaging a relationship where there was no trust, my wife and I agreed to get a divorce. We agreed to share custody of our daughter, and were both allowed 6 months with her. Shortly after our divorce was finalized in April 2004, my wife remarried (she waited all of 8 days and was already 2 months pregnant with the other man's child.) While this hurt me, I moved on and sought to build a strong relationship with my daughter. I purchased a house so that she and I would have someplace to call our own, and my ex stayed in town so that I would have access to her. I never faultered on support and even payed extra for child care expenses. I carry all health insurance for my daughter and worked very hard to make her happy. In March of last year, I re-married. My wife had a step-daughte,who was only a month older than my daughter. I thought it would be perfect...a beautiful wife with a wonderful little girl who was the same age as my daughter. This seemed ideal because the girls would have a playmate. While I understand there are growing pains with a child adjusting to her father having a new wife and a new child in the relationship, things weren't progressing at all. Things were actually getting much worse. I stayed the course and knew that, given time, she would grow to love her step mother and step sister and things would work out alright. The problems began when my daughter finally began to call my wife as her "other mommy" and refer to her step sister as her sister. Apparently, her mother and/or step-father didn't appreciate this new-found comfort at my house, and regressed into hatefulness and bitterness toward me and my family. Comments were made, by my daughter that included things like "You don't love me" and "Toddy-dadda says that you're not my daddy anymore." OUCH! While I have no reason to believe my ex is making these comments, I feel that my daughter is being taught to neither love me nor my family. I don't see my daughter anymore because I don't want to cause her more harm than good. I've been driven to where I feel it is more beneficial to let her grow up without confusion and hate, and to not subject my family to the pain of having to hear her comments, and to not deal with my reaction to them. I need help! I'm decimated by this situation and will not be happy without her, but I can't have her. I love my baby and want to see her, but I can't help but think it will make things worse. To make things worse, I'm getting ready to move to Mississippi, and I feel it's only going to get worse. Thank you for your time.
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My Story : I left an abusive man who both hurt me emotioanlly and phsyically and after a long time marriage and 2 beautiful boys, I finally got out at age 35. When the control freak realized I was not coming back he starting brainwashing my oldest boy who is 13 against me. I had sole custody of both the children. He was doing fine for the first 3 motnsh then the hell started. He was runnig away from the sitter, from my home, calling the cops telling them I hurt him, he was out of control and the judge sent him for a 30 day psych evaluation. Thank God he was not mentally ill but the outbursts were caused by the divorce and the alienating. He went to live with his father this past March and I was left with my younger boy who is now 9. He was ok until they started on him, my older son and his father. Now he is resorting to doing the same things as his older brother, destroying the room, writing all over the walls, runnig away etc. I am so scared and so helpless and if someone doesnt help me somehow I will lose my younger son to that animal and my mind as well. The stress is unbeleievable but yet God helps me wake up every morning and go to work and try to be the best mom I could be. He has told the children lies, every aspct of court sessions, told them that I put my older son in a psych center which I didnt you name it, he told them! Now they both hate me. It hurts me so much they were both loving obedient boys before the divorce. Now they are rude, disrespectful and show lack of care when I cry. I dont know what to do. the courts,the therapist, everyone knows about the alienation but yet it still continues and I think I am losing my children. I can't have any others due to an emergency hysterectomy I had to have last year. I hope we can help each other or lend a shoulder to cry on. :( please help me...we have to make this known to save the chldren from an emotional, suicidal upbringing....what happened to doing whats in the best interest of the children? Who is protecting them? no one, not even the law guardian....
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My Story : My husband's ex-wife put their 15 year old daughter into therapy without our knowledge and now she does not want to see us. His daughter has cut off communication from her father, step-mother, 6 year old half sister, aunts, uncles and cousins on her father's side. We have not seen or spoken to her for several months. In March 2006, we were contacted by his ex-wife's attorney stating that his daughter was in therapy and to appear in court the next morning. We did not fully understand what was being requested and we were not given enough time to consult with an attorney before the hearing. We appeared in court and his ex-wife's attorney wanted to speak to us, so we went into another room and there she served us with legal paper. The attorney used scare tactics on us stating that his daughter was in therapy for the last several months and the judge can do anything they want, so we should come to an agreement. My husband signed a 30 day moratorium out of concern for his daughter. We did not know what was at stake and when we read what his ex-wife wrote in her declaration portraying the father as unreliable, inconsiderate, temperamental, etc. we were horrified. The ex-wife also got a testament from an "expert" who was counseling their daughter stating that seeing her father caused her stress and she did not have an attachment to her father. I have known my husband for 12 years and we have been married for 8 years, we have a 6 year old daughter together and I have witnessed his kindness and love. He always pays child support on time and has exercised his visitation with his daughter. When his daughter was around 8 years old, he took her back to her mom's after their week-end visit and she told him that her mom would set her by the table and serve her a bowl of ice-cream and would drill her about what we did. She told her father that it made her feel bad. Another time she told us that her mom thought he was abusing her but she does not think that anymore. I am around all the time when my husband has his visitation with his daughter and we do a lot as a family. We take both the girls to the Zoo, Aquarium, Disney Land, etc. We also planned a cruise this year which was a Christmas present from my husband to his family. We were all excited about the trip and so was his teenage daughter but now we were informed that she does not want to come with us. This message was relayed by another therapist that was recommended by his ex-wife and her attorney. My husband has always been responsible, kind, gentle and he loves both his daughters and it tears him up that one of his daughter no longer wants to see us. We have spent thousands of dollars with attorneys and therapist and yet we still have not been allowed speak to her or see her. We were told by our attorney that his ex-wife venomously refused our request for father and daughter reunification with the therapist that we were working with. We were informed by our attorney that even if we get a court order for father and daughter therapy, we can not force her to go into therapy with her dad because she is a minor. The 30 day moratorium was over a couple of months ago and we were told by the ex-wife that their daughter does not feel comfortable seeing us, even for dinner. I have stood by my husband's side and have seen the way the system works for non-custodial parent. His ex-wife can put their daughter into therapy without the father's knowledge; have an expert write a testimony about an attachment disorder between father and daughter without interviewing the father, and serve the father to appear in court without giving him time for legal counsel. I hope one day the system will change and give non-custodial parents more rights.
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My Story : PAS is not limited solely to biological parents. When my husband and his wife divorce she, without realizing it, signed custody over to him. She is often most concerned with life and people in how she will be best served. She often neglected her 3 children when they were younger, and in the 6 years my husband and I have been married, has spent a great deal of effort disparaging - not so much their father, but me as their step-mother. Adjustments after weekend visits take most of the week as we listen to the youngest angrily recount how I am abusing him because his mom told him and she knows what abuse is; has had child protective come investigate our home after leading him to recount to a sunday school teacher how I was abusing both him and our then 2 year old daughter; talk about how we have lied to so many people, and how their dad owes her money and is refusing to pay etc. etc. All of these can be easily refuted since no abuse has taken place, but it hasn't stopped her from spending a lot of energy convincing the most susceptible child that he's living in the most horrendous situation and needs to move with her. Our personal belief in families is that these children came from Heavenly Father. They are His, and no matter how they come to us, ours is a sacred custodial relationship, and we will be accountable to Him for how we raised them. My husband's children are wonderful, creative and smart, but are being subjected to a constant negative barrage of false information that undermines the relationship I'm trying to develop with them. It is frustrating and heartbreaking - not just for biological parents, but for step-parents as well.
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My Story : I have three children from my marriage and I was divorced in 1997. My children are age 20,18, & 15. My two youngest children live with their father. The oldest child has been on her own for more than a year living in Florida. We live in New York. My divorce started out friendly but soon turned very ugly and for the first few years we shared joint custody of all three children with the children living three days with me and four days with their father each week. My ex husband has all of his family living nearby where I have no one as my family lives in Florida. As the years went by, there was alot of involvement with CPS by both parties. The divorce caused me alot of stress and so did trying to raise two children with ADD. I often had no one to turn to and began seeking help for depression. This turned out to be a strong weapon for my ex husband to use against me leading many to believe I was an unfit mother. Although I never neglected my children I was often accused of this by my ex. Also I was accused of beating my children. My second daughter did not want to be told to behave or do as she was told and soon learned that she could call CPS. It soon started that she would be with me for 3 days and as soon as she got to her dad's house there would be a call placed to CPS often accusing me of beating her. My ex mother-in-law gave me a paddle called "the board of education" that they owned for me to spank my children with. I used it once and it left a bruise on my second daughter and from then on I was branded as being a corporal punisher and of course this was turned in to CPS and then labeled as founded. I believe that my ex mother-in-law gave me this paddle as a ploy for her son to eventually get full custody of the children. I believed in spanking my children as that's how I was raised but soon discovered from CPS that parents are not allowed to discipline their children that way. Of course when I told CPS that I spanked my children that just added fuel to the fire. Things eventually culminated on Dec. 24,2001. I had all three children to celebrate Christmas. My family who dearly love the children were visiting. We had a nice family visit exchanging gifts and conversation. I videotaped this occasion for memories. Shortly there after, I was brought back into court. My ex husband sought full custody. He said the children were crying after this last visit and did not want to have to visit me again. I brought the video tape to the law guardian who watched and reported back to the judge that he saw no evidence of any unhappy circumstance involving the children, that it looked just like any normal family celebration opening gifts and such. During a Lincoln hearing my children asked that they not have to see me any more. I have not had my children since that time. Through the years I have tried calling them, sending cards and gifts but I get no replies, no thank you's, just hang ups on the phone or now the answering machine picks up. This has me heart broken. I miss the opportunities to share in my childrens lives. I love them deeply and I am not able to show them this. My daughter is 18 now and she chooses to have no relationship with me. I am going back to court next month to request that my child support obligations be terminated for her as she has abandoned the parental child relationship. My two youngest children live 15 minutes away and I don't even know what they look like anymore. Just when I feel that I can't cry any more tears the tears come all over again. I am able to pick myself up and go on with life knowing that I still have one child that acknowledges me and a wonderful man I am marrying soon. One note that I did not add is that I have had full custody of the oldest child since Sept of 2001. I just don't understand how a judge can give me full custody of one child and not see through this mess and allow these two other children to abandon me at the hands of their father?
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I fear my son has experience Parental Alienation from his mother but as a backfire affect. Her attempts to turn him away from me backfired on her. The result is just as sad as if I had done it.. he really does not liek her and does not want to spend time with her and complains about her a lot. I want to help him.. I truly try to defend her actions against him on her behalf. I have tried to contorl any negative comments against her throuth the years.. I want my kids to be happy and to be raised by both of us without stress nor animosity. He is 14 now however and all along I have been an extremely actiove and lovign and supporting parent to him ad he and hie sister have lived with me 1/2 time. I have been soccer coach, scout leader, and partricipated in the YMCA adventure guides and princessew with them. The end result from this.. my kids adore me.. we are very close.. I am a very happy father for this.
However.. because we are so close and now he is old enoght to know better.. her attempts at putting me down to my children have backfired. He realizes she has been lying to him and trying to turn his affections from me.. She also is now startgin to treat him badly since he resembles me and because he stands up for me now. Good luck in your push to get PAS recognised and exposed to the courts. I wish I had some way to expose this problem and a legal tool to have them make her stop and get help before its too late for my kids. My eaughter is 9 and she is gogin to start showing symptoms in a while I fear.. wither by alienating me.. or her mom, or becoming bitter for the conflict she feels from her moms statements. I feel until she learns to stop putting me down to my kids they will continue to suffer and there is little I can do about it. Peace
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Hello, I am the heartbroken Mother of two children,who I have not hugged or looked into their eyes for 947 days,since Oct 19,2003.They were 7&8 yrs old at the time and they are now 10&11.After 2 yrs of trying to talk divorce,after gently and civilly approaching him on the topic,I filed divorce from their Father,and days later,he obtained a Restraining Order on me in the Lynn,Mass District Court.I was blindsided! There was no altercation, incident,no abuse by me.He just suddenly one Sunday left my home with them! He told lies to obtain the R.O.,he brought in other family members to "validate" his claim,my Mother(his age,77)pays his lawyer --so far,$73,833.00,to continue this horror story since Oct 2003. I was my children's primary caregiver.I brought them to school every day,picked them up,answered PTO absentee phones at school,actively participated in the community,at school,at church with them,provided every stitch of clothing,every gift under the tree,coordinated playgroups,arranged for their friends to come over brought them everywhere with me---we gardened together,rode bikes,climbed hills,attended museums,movies,made crafts regularly,visited the animal rescue league regularly,the library regularly,I brought them to the voting polls,even,and political fundraisers.Their Father never once came along to the beach with us,the movies,to family events.We even dined alone,my children and me.He cooked dinner,(great cook)then left the room.He never so much as took a walk with my children,never stepped foot inside a church with them,never once a movie!Never a haircut,never an amusement park,the zoo.We were always alone.He went to the racetrack with his SS check.
I have not stepped foot inside my home,since Oct 19,2003,the day I was ejected,the home that I was alone at signing for 11 yrs ago, that I solely have always paid the mortg on,still do.He rides their coattails to be able to stay where he's living! I cannot call them,I cannot send a card,or a gift.I have no photos of them,I have no report card grades,I don't know their shoe sizes,their height,their friend's names,their favorite colors,how they wear their hair!I cannot go near their school,I cannot have contact with them. He walked away from his first family and home with the clothes on his back,and now he leans on my children for his well-being.They have told the GAL thAt they are afraid that something bad will happen to their Dad if he has to move from the home.It is in his best interest to refer to me by my first name,has them doing same,has them in fear now of me,they want nothing to do with me,don't recall anything good about me,say all good about him.He bought them cell phones,"in case she comes near you" Their therapist,who my mean and misguided mother hired,told them "you shouldn't have to see her"(me!) As if I'm some pesky nuisance.Their therapist refuses to look at me,talk to me while twice attempting to be in on "therapy" with them.They kept their coats over their heads,remained silent,didn't want to hear my voice,I had to sit around the corner in the next room.I paid a visit person 40.00/hr so,so many times--same deal. Our Judge has ordered a 1,000 fine for every time he denied attempted visits,but I have stopped attempting anymore.This is quite literally killing me.I grieve so bad.I attend grief councelling 1x per wk,religiously,for 2+ years.Most days,I am 'the human scream' inside,but I look after my health,I help less fortunate people in the community every day,to 'get outside myself' and the despair.I continue working,same job for 28 yrs,paying the mortgage on our home,paying my way at a friend's--just 2 miles from my children!
I pray the prayer of Jabez daily for my children,I pray for the Judge's wisdom,the newly appointed family therapist's wisdom,and have beseached the therapist to contact Rachel Foundation for materials on how to reintigrate. These people are horrified at the idea of removing the children from the alienator,to restore day-in-and-day-out living with the alienated parent,which is the only solution,initially. God help all of the children,and us brokenhearted parents.Hear my prayer now,God! |
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My Story : Married with one child, little girl. Father was primary caregiver. Child was eighteen months old when mother filed for divorce. Mother filed a false allegation of physical abuse; an order of protection was issued against the father, who was removed from the marital home. Judge returned father to home after the mother was found to have lied. Mother locked child in her bedroom every night and insisted that the child be put in daycare only during the father's time with the child. Father was primary caregiver for 3.5 years, and agreed to have visitation three times per week and every other weekend. After marital residence was sold, Mother moved to another state and insisted that the father drive back and forth with the child three days per week, 100 hundred miles a day. Mother filed for sole custody twice during this time. Judge ruled: that the best interest of the child, mother will do the driving and father will lose meaningful weekly visitation, but get one month vacation during summer. Sixty days later, mother alleged that father molestered the now five year old daughter, and brainwashed the child into repeating same to ACS and a validator. Mother was found to have alienated the child from her father and his family. Father is presently embroiled in custody battle. The Judge who issued the new order regarding one month during the summer, has now recused himself, citing conflict with the ex-wifes attorney. The judge is up for re-election and didn't want anything to do with this case. Father is engaged and living in a nice home with the fiancée's seven year old daughter. Both children have been together since father's daughter has been two years of age. Mother is still refusing to allow the father to see the child.
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My Story : I have been told that the alienation by my wife vis-a-vis my 11 year old daughter is the worst ever seen in Cook County,Illinois. I do not have time for all the details. Here are some nuggets. My wife never wanted to have children and many times would never come home at night, telling me all night on the phone that she never wants to see me or my daughter again and never wanted to be a mom and wants to be free again. My daughter was never told any of this by me. But she sensed that there was no love from her mother who routinely went to sleep at 8:00. When the divorce started, she told me she wanted to live with me at home...the wife had taken $200,000 from my bank and bought a new home. My daughter told her therapist and her lawyer that she wanted to live with me only, that I was a far better mom than mom would ever be and her best friend. At that time I had my daughter four days and four nights a weeks, and every weekend, as my wife agreed to. One day my daughter calls me on her cell phone; it is not my day. She asks if she could stay at home that night. I said of course. So her mom drops her off. I say, if you want to talk about it, okay, but dinner's ready. Two bites of salad and she goes into hysterics. I had never seen such panic and was sure I would have to take her to the hospital. It seems she got into another fight with mom. Finally, mom screamed while breathing very deeply, "If you don't live with me, I am going to kill myself." So my kid, positive this was happening right then and there tried to call her at home and on her cell. She would not answer. So even though raining, we drove to her house, calling all the way. When we got there, she would not answer the door and still did not answer her phone. I am now taking my daughter to the hospital. She says, I have to try one more time. She does. The wife answers the phone: she is at Menards shopping! I knew right then and there that my relationship with my daughter was over. I have not seen her since. That was two years ago. In the meantime, my wife went to court and told the judge that I "stood over my daughter and told her to take her clothes off." I was not there. My daughter was not there. On the spot, the judge said that is it, he'll never see her again. My wife, who was not at home at the time, forgot to add that a thousand times I had said "take off your clothes, put on your pajamas and go to bed." My daughter's lawyer and therapist did not understand why my daughter overnight changed her preferred living situation 180 degrees. Now she never wants to see me and wants to be with her mother. She won't give me her cellphone number, won't tell me when her baseball games are, etc. I am out over $1 million in the fight for her but no one cares. I could go on and on: she cursed me terribly to my daughter. Things like: "Don't let him touch me." "Talk quietly, he is probably outside your door listening." "He is a big jerk and I never should have married him." Endless stuff like this. Meanwhile I have been told to be an angel and never once (well maybe once) badmouthed the mom. My daughter's fist therapist and second therapist refused to work on the alienation issues with my daugther. Both are in the "divorce clique" and get no business outside of Judge and lawyers referrals. They have no other clients. I told both that alienation was the problem and they had to deal with it. They said no. One said, it is up to the psychiatrist who is determining custody. That psychiatrist long ago gave up. I don't want your pity. If you have someone in Chicago who is POWERFUL as in the FBI, legislators, Congressmen, etc. let me know.
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My Story : Hello, I am a mother who battles everyday to talk to her three children. I lost my children in a custody battle that was filled with lies. I had visitation only with my three children. When that was compromised I tried my best to fight harder. The harder I pushed the harder my ex-husband and his family pushed. In 2003 I moved away from Chicago back to my hometown of Los Angeles - my family unit is here as well as a good job. I got another attorney and fought for my visitiation. When I did that my exhusband would not allow me to speak to my children on the phone and blocked any weekend time with them. I eventually won three weeks in the summer - but I have to post $10,000 cash in a joint savings account with my attorney to insure the children will be returned to their father. I went back last summer and won an additional week in the summer - but still have to post the money. My exhusband lives in the house he was raised in with his parents and he does not have a job. The children want to live with me and visit him. They do not understand why this is the way it is and they are teased at school by the other kids because their dad does not have a job and still lives with his parents. I just tell them that the other kids don't understand. I want so badly to be with my children - I cry every night and wonder what else I can do. I am so lucky to have been with them this Mother's Day. That was the best present I could have had. Loving them and laughing with them. What more could a mother want?
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My Story : in a nut shell I have been fighting this for 6 years. march 16 2001 is the date she started in earnest. Since then I have not seen my daughter without a fight. I lost my grand children to it. The usual tactics except as I see now my daughter was a strong one. I since the beginning of may have been seeing my daughter infact she chose my side of the family for mother's day her abuser was powerless. This was mainly through her own STUPIDITY. She tried to have me arested for atempting a visitation within the order of the court. She dragged that on for 18 months and chased off my 2nd wife. I won several decicive orders in court and her criminal charges were totally against the higher court. The judge near jailed her. To no avail she had me arested at gunpoint in my own house 2 months later . again total violation of the court. This time the police stopped believing her and must have tried to charge her. The daughter after losing out on seeing dad for the 3rd Christmas started taking liberties. It has sped ahead since then
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My Story : MY STORY INVOLVES LIVERPOOL CITY COUNCIL SOCIAL SERVICES, AND I THINK IT IS THE SICKEST STORY I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS. On the 21 march 2003 my son who was then 4 was involved in a HIT AND RUN accident in a park. He was then taken to Alder Hey Childrens Hospital in liverpool to A&E where the nurses confirmed that he had suffered a broken leg and a gash to his eyebrow, he then had some x-rays taken. After this we were taken to ward m3 sister w. attended to us. It took 28 hours and nil by mouth for my son to go to theatre and whilst this delay unknown to me the staff were compiling a dossier of me and my behaviour. Come the monday morning 24 march 2003 as i was about to leave the hospital the CHILD PROTECTION TEAM came and said they had an EMERGENCY PROTECTION ORDER, and i wasnt going any were that my son who i had never left since he was born never had a babysitter apart from his grandmother he was taken into care LCC SS. When i got home my other two babies who were only 2 and 10 months old had also been taken from our beautiful clean home and off the nan, into care also. Then my ordeal and nightmare started the fabricated report at alder hey had conveniently instigated legal proceedings. It has gone from a care order , to a residance order for my ex husband to have my oldest son ( the other 2 are not his) and they are on a FREEING ORDER to be adopted, but i have recently been informed that the order has now expired and my childrens placement has broken down in march, this now gives me an opportunity to reapply for parental responsibility. But when i went to court in february C.J. R. who has reserved the case to herself refused to revoke the freeing order even though its expired and still will not reinstate supervised contact (its against the childrens human rights to be denied this) has now not ordered because she cant, but made it clear she will CLOSE THE CASE IF I DO NOT GIVE HER AN ASSESSMENT BY A PSYCOLOGIST, AN EXPERT FROM THE COURT AND OREDERED I HAVE TO SEE HIM ALONE ? So therefore i have no option, even though barrister have said why has this judge not reviewed the case after 3 years what have i done for her to ask this, she was fully aware that the report from the hospital was inconsistant and fabricated in it , it stated THAT I HAD BEEN SECTIONED UNDER THE MENTAL HEALTH ACT ON NUMBEROUS OCCASSIONS, AND THAT MY CHILDREN WERE ON AN AT RISK REGISTER BOTH OF THESE STATEMENTS WERE PROVEN TO BE FALSE but the judges said they dont care my children will remain with ss. Within the next week i have agreed to adhere to this assessment albeit everyone has begged me not to get it done as its only for her to justify the case, at present all this case consist of is false allegations, the only excuse the ss have is that i may be a POTENTIAL RISK meaning they have NO EVIDANCE. The judgement for this case is to be July 19 at liverpool family courts and i shall then find out if she intends to ADOPT my precious children or not, i shall not stop and give up fighting for my children and even sell my house for private detectives to keep me informed of my childrens wereabout etc. At the moment i am trying to stay positive and hope the outcome will be that my children are returned on some sort of an order there are lots she can give.
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My Story : I have a brother and a sister that I grew up not knowing. When I was old enough, I was told the truth about this family in Canada (we are in the US) that I never met. My father's ex wife had cheated on him, and when confronted decided to leave with their 2 children- a boy and a girl. Their mother moved them a thousand miles across the country, and moved between family member's homes in order to hide them from my father. He did what any man almost 30 years ago would have done- he gave up. There were no laws on his side. When we finally met these kids, they were late teens. Sullen, already drinking, smoking, and on drugs- that their mother had introduced them to. She blamed their misfortunes on my father, claiming he left them, hated them, didn't want them, wouldn't pay child support so left them destitute. She claimed he was living it up in Florida with his new family, who were practically rolling in money. We were pretty poor ourselves, including at one point getting food from churches. But my mom and dad (he adopted me when I was 2, does that seem like a guy who doesn't "want" children?), worked hard and worked their way up to middle to upper-middle class. Once my two siblings were adults and found out my parents had money, they started contact at the urging of their mother. The boy moved down here, and was given a house, cars, and money as well as job training by my father. The girl was sent several thousands of dollars for school, cars, apartments, and medical expenses. When they finally got so deep into drugs- with all the money they were given- that they couldn't hide it anymore, they finally told my father everything. That they hated him. That he owed them everything he had because he left them. That they wished him dead, and our family as well. They have not been back, nor do they contact my dad anymore. My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship. Knowing what my parents went though with my dad's kids, I wanted to support my husband in maintaining contact with his daughter. We managed this well enough- IF his ex was in a good mood, and not dating someone. My husband had "reasonable" visitation, but that meant whenever his ex felt like it. As soon as she got a boyfriend, he was the new "daddy" and my husband was out of the picture. My husband was addressed by his child by his first name only. She was told her daddy was dead from age 3, but her mother claims she thought that up all on her own. His ex told me it was "cute" when she called her boyfriend's daddy When his ex finally met her husband when his daughter was 6, all contact ceased with us (who she had been interacting with several times a week by then). She stopped contact, told my husband he couldn't see his daughter anymore, and moved out of state. For almost a year my husband paid his child support to the state, yet didn't know where it was going. They wouldn't tell him. Then it was Christmas time, and his ex allowed his daughter to call us from her cell phone- which was local. Through conversation, we learned that his daughter was living about 5 minutes from us with her grandparents, while her mother was living with her new husband and baby in another state from anywhere from a month to three months while she was in the hospital with childbirth complications. When confronted about this after she came back on the phone, his ex informed him that this was the last time he was going to talk to his daughter. She told him that she and her new husband had a lawyer and he was to sign over his parental rights or he would be put in jail (for what?) She said her new husband was going to adopt his daughter, and that was the way it was going to be whether he liked it or not. He was going to be "reported for abandonment". This is when I stepped in financially, and contacted no less than *8* different lawyers before one would say he had any sort of case. I finally took out a second mortgage in order to pay court costs for a lawyer. Despite the multiple contempt charges, with moving out of state and refusing vistitation and refusing to even let him know where his daughter was for nearly a year, his ex was not punished at all. In fact, the only thing court accomplished was raising child support to 40% of my husband's income based on imputing statutes, and telling them they needed to go to mediation. They did, for 5 hours, with even the mediator wondering why she was so unmoving in setting up a schedule, since this is what she claimed my husband had never wanted to do even though she said she tried to encourage it in the past. Luckily, the ex's husband seems to be a pretty reasonable person. He has encouraged the contact that the ex says my husband never wanted. I think that some people on her side are seeing now that if all my husband had to do was call and ask to see his daughter like she claimed, he never would have taken her to court. She also has shown him some of her psychotic behavior, such as violent outbursts and threatening suicide in front of my step-daughter that her new husband has witnessed. Before that he believed that she was always a victim. She has also been caught in several minor lies, which at least shows her nature, if not affecting visitation. We believe he is the reason she takes her medication as well. I firmly believe that if it weren't for her current husband, we would still be in and out of court every couple of months like we were for the first year. Now that my step daughter is a regular part of our and our new daughter's lives, I know I did the right thing in supporting my husband. I know some people would have told him to give up, and sign away his rights. I knew what *could* happen when a dad gives up, and I didn't want that to happen to my step-daughter or husband. We are deeply in debt, and our lawyer removed herself from his case due to illness, and we just have not had the money to find another. My husband is afraid to take her to court for joint legal custody, and to modify visitation on paper the changes she has agreed to verbally. He is worried that he will not only lose some visitation, but that child support will go up for a 3rd time in 3 years. His ex still maintains that my husband is not a good father. That he is "only a part-time dad", and other derogitory remarks. We never say a bad word about her, hoping that in time my step-daughter will realize what all has happened. I know that I will not hide the books on co-parenting that we purchased as she gets older. So she can see that we have tried some of the recommended tactics to maintaining contact, and that we weren't trying to persecute her mother in the process (as she, of course, constantly claims).
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My Story : I don't even know where to begin. The divorce was never my idea. When I realized I had no say in the matter, I simply wanted to remain as close to my children as I could. But my former wife, bent on total destruction of me, set about on a course of action to destroy my relationship with my children and among my son and daughter that continues today fully ten years later. She fostered an acrimonious relationship between my son and daughter. She openly favored my daughter and scorned my son. My attempts through the courts, social services, volunteer organizations and the schools were all met with the same response, "...its the system..." Judges, lawyers, police and social workers have all admitted to me "...its the system..." My children are getting older now. My daughter is a sophmore in college and remains distant. My son a junior in high school may graduate despite his mother's refusal to participate in his education. I remain horribly shocked by what my children and I have been forced to endure. I am attempting to initiate a grass roots interest at the local political level. The issue must be corrected at the level of the local court system, or through local legislation. I want to help and I want others to help. This dirty little secret must be brought out into the open.
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