Parental Alienation
Awareness Organization

----- My Story : I have three wonderful children. My children are currently living with their Great Auntie on there fathers side. I was 16yrs old when i had my oldest son and 17yrs old when i had my daughter and 19yrs old when i had my son. I was very young and really did not know much about being a responsible parent to my children. To make a long story short, My kids father was cheating on me almost every day and fighting me in front of my children and taking the little money the county was giving my children. I began to do drugs and drink lots of alcohol. I had no one to turn to for help, no guidance or structure in my life at all. So i made that turn and it caused me to lose every thing. Most importantly my children. My children became wards of the Court over some time and a few more incidents. You know after losing my children and the only man i knew, My addiction got worst before better. Now I have 4yrs clean and sober. I have found God. Well While i was in my addiction. My childrens Auntie started telling my children that i am a drug head, that i can't love them, i just want them back for the money, among other negative things. You know no one is perfect, every body has some type of down fall. Its not about the fall its about how you can get up and stay up. By the Grace of God. My rights have not been taken, I am able to go to court. I really have my childrens best interest in my heart. the court order visit's for me and my children. My children are suffering so much it hurts me to try to even think about it. My Baby's have some issues with not being able to be with their mother or their father.

My Story : I am in the military, and have been since 1999. My wife and I were in a relationship before I joined, and I had joined so I could support her, as that is what I feel a real man should do. Over the course of our relationship we had problems, who doesn't, but overall things were going OK. When it got to the point where I felt it was time to sever ties and cut our losses, we discovered we were pregnant. While this was unplanned (by me at least...I have my doubts about her intentions) I welcomed it with open arms and was excited about becoming a father. The day my daughter was born was the best day of my life. Things were improving in my marriage and I thought things were starting to pan out. Shortly after re-enlisting (December 2002) I was deployed to Saudi Arabia to support Operation Iraqi Freedom. I was there for nearly 6 months, and while I was there I discovered my wife was cheating on me and cleaning out my bank account. Helpless, I turned to my leadership who quickly sent me home to attempt to save my marriage. When I discovered that there was no salvaging a relationship where there was no trust, my wife and I agreed to get a divorce. We agreed to share custody of our daughter, and were both allowed 6 months with her. Shortly after our divorce was finalized in April 2004, my wife remarried (she waited all of 8 days and was already 2 months pregnant with the other man's child.) While this hurt me, I moved on and sought to build a strong relationship with my daughter. I purchased a house so that she and I would have someplace to call our own, and my ex stayed in town so that I would have access to her. I never faultered on support and even payed extra for child care expenses. I carry all health insurance for my daughter and worked very hard to make her happy. In March of last year, I re-married. My wife had a step-daughte,who was only a month older than my daughter. I thought it would be perfect...a beautiful wife with a wonderful little girl who was the same age as my daughter. This seemed ideal because the girls would have a playmate. While I understand there are growing pains with a child adjusting to her father having a new wife and a new child in the relationship, things weren't progressing at all. Things were actually getting much worse. I stayed the course and knew that, given time, she would grow to love her step mother and step sister and things would work out alright. The problems began when my daughter finally began to call my wife as her "other mommy" and refer to her step sister as her sister. Apparently, her mother and/or step-father didn't appreciate this new-found comfort at my house, and regressed into hatefulness and bitterness toward me and my family. Comments were made, by my daughter that included things like "You don't love me" and "Toddy-dadda says that you're not my daddy anymore." OUCH! While I have no reason to believe my ex is making these comments, I feel that my daughter is being taught to neither love me nor my family. I don't see my daughter anymore because I don't want to cause her more harm than good. I've been driven to where I feel it is more beneficial to let her grow up without confusion and hate, and to not subject my family to the pain of having to hear her comments, and to not deal with my reaction to them. I need help! I'm decimated by this situation and will not be happy without her, but I can't have her. I love my baby and want to see her, but I can't help but think it will make things worse. To make things worse, I'm getting ready to move to Mississippi, and I feel it's only going to get worse. Thank you for your time.

My Story : I left an abusive man who both hurt me emotioanlly and phsyically and after a long time marriage and 2 beautiful boys, I finally got out at age 35. When the control freak realized I was not coming back he starting brainwashing my oldest boy who is 13 against me. I had sole custody of both the children. He was doing fine for the first 3 motnsh then the hell started. He was runnig away from the sitter, from my home, calling the cops telling them I hurt him, he was out of control and the judge sent him for a 30 day psych evaluation. Thank God he was not mentally ill but the outbursts were caused by the divorce and the alienating. He went to live with his father this past March and I was left with my younger boy who is now 9. He was ok until they started on him, my older son and his father. Now he is resorting to doing the same things as his older brother, destroying the room, writing all over the walls, runnig away etc. I am so scared and so helpless and if someone doesnt help me somehow I will lose my younger son to that animal and my mind as well. The stress is unbeleievable but yet God helps me wake up every morning and go to work and try to be the best mom I could be. He has told the children lies, every aspct of court sessions, told them that I put my older son in a psych center which I didnt you name it, he told them! Now they both hate me. It hurts me so much they were both loving obedient boys before the divorce. Now they are rude, disrespectful and show lack of care when I cry. I dont know what to do. the courts,the therapist, everyone knows about the alienation but yet it still continues and I think I am losing my children. I can't have any others due to an emergency hysterectomy I had to have last year. I hope we can help each other or lend a shoulder to cry on. :( please help me...we have to make this known to save the chldren from an emotional, suicidal upbringing....what happened to doing whats in the best interest of the children? Who is protecting them? no one, not even the law guardian....

My Story : My husband's ex-wife put their 15 year old daughter into therapy without our knowledge and now she does not want to see us. His daughter has cut off communication from her father, step-mother, 6 year old half sister, aunts, uncles and cousins on her father's side. We have not seen or spoken to her for several months. In March 2006, we were contacted by his ex-wife's attorney stating that his daughter was in therapy and to appear in court the next morning. We did not fully understand what was being requested and we were not given enough time to consult with an attorney before the hearing. We appeared in court and his ex-wife's attorney wanted to speak to us, so we went into another room and there she served us with legal paper. The attorney used scare tactics on us stating that his daughter was in therapy for the last several months and the judge can do anything they want, so we should come to an agreement. My husband signed a 30 day moratorium out of concern for his daughter. We did not know what was at stake and when we read what his ex-wife wrote in her declaration portraying the father as unreliable, inconsiderate, temperamental, etc. we were horrified. The ex-wife also got a testament from an "expert" who was counseling their daughter stating that seeing her father caused her stress and she did not have an attachment to her father. I have known my husband for 12 years and we have been married for 8 years, we have a 6 year old daughter together and I have witnessed his kindness and love. He always pays child support on time and has exercised his visitation with his daughter. When his daughter was around 8 years old, he took her back to her mom's after their week-end visit and she told him that her mom would set her by the table and serve her a bowl of ice-cream and would drill her about what we did. She told her father that it made her feel bad. Another time she told us that her mom thought he was abusing her but she does not think that anymore. I am around all the time when my husband has his visitation with his daughter and we do a lot as a family. We take both the girls to the Zoo, Aquarium, Disney Land, etc. We also planned a cruise this year which was a Christmas present from my husband to his family. We were all excited about the trip and so was his teenage daughter but now we were informed that she does not want to come with us. This message was relayed by another therapist that was recommended by his ex-wife and her attorney. My husband has always been responsible, kind, gentle and he loves both his daughters and it tears him up that one of his daughter no longer wants to see us. We have spent thousands of dollars with attorneys and therapist and yet we still have not been allowed speak to her or see her. We were told by our attorney that his ex-wife venomously refused our request for father and daughter reunification with the therapist that we were working with. We were informed by our attorney that even if we get a court order for father and daughter therapy, we can not force her to go into therapy with her dad because she is a minor. The 30 day moratorium was over a couple of months ago and we were told by the ex-wife that their daughter does not feel comfortable seeing us, even for dinner. I have stood by my husband's side and have seen the way the system works for non-custodial parent. His ex-wife can put their daughter into therapy without the father's knowledge; have an expert write a testimony about an attachment disorder between father and daughter without interviewing the father, and serve the father to appear in court without giving him time for legal counsel. I hope one day the system will change and give non-custodial parents more rights.

My Story : PAS is not limited solely to biological parents. When my husband and his wife divorce she, without realizing it, signed custody over to him. She is often most concerned with life and people in how she will be best served. She often neglected her 3 children when they were younger, and in the 6 years my husband and I have been married, has spent a great deal of effort disparaging - not so much their father, but me as their step-mother. Adjustments after weekend visits take most of the week as we listen to the youngest angrily recount how I am abusing him because his mom told him and she knows what abuse is; has had child protective come investigate our home after leading him to recount to a sunday school teacher how I was abusing both him and our then 2 year old daughter; talk about how we have lied to so many people, and how their dad owes her money and is refusing to pay etc. etc. All of these can be easily refuted since no abuse has taken place, but it hasn't stopped her from spending a lot of energy convincing the most susceptible child that he's living in the most horrendous situation and needs to move with her. Our personal belief in families is that these children came from Heavenly Father. They are His, and no matter how they come to us, ours is a sacred custodial relationship, and we will be accountable to Him for how we raised them. My husband's children are wonderful, creative and smart, but are being subjected to a constant negative barrage of false information that undermines the relationship I'm trying to develop with them. It is frustrating and heartbreaking - not just for biological parents, but for step-parents as well.

My Story : I have three children from my marriage and I was divorced in 1997. My children are age 20,18, & 15. My two youngest children live with their father. The oldest child has been on her own for more than a year living in Florida. We live in New York. My divorce started out friendly but soon turned very ugly and for the first few years we shared joint custody of all three children with the children living three days with me and four days with their father each week. My ex husband has all of his family living nearby where I have no one as my family lives in Florida. As the years went by, there was alot of involvement with CPS by both parties. The divorce caused me alot of stress and so did trying to raise two children with ADD. I often had no one to turn to and began seeking help for depression. This turned out to be a strong weapon for my ex husband to use against me leading many to believe I was an unfit mother. Although I never neglected my children I was often accused of this by my ex. Also I was accused of beating my children. My second daughter did not want to be told to behave or do as she was told and soon learned that she could call CPS. It soon started that she would be with me for 3 days and as soon as she got to her dad's house there would be a call placed to CPS often accusing me of beating her. My ex mother-in-law gave me a paddle called "the board of education" that they owned for me to spank my children with. I used it once and it left a bruise on my second daughter and from then on I was branded as being a corporal punisher and of course this was turned in to CPS and then labeled as founded. I believe that my ex mother-in-law gave me this paddle as a ploy for her son to eventually get full custody of the children. I believed in spanking my children as that's how I was raised but soon discovered from CPS that parents are not allowed to discipline their children that way. Of course when I told CPS that I spanked my children that just added fuel to the fire. Things eventually culminated on Dec. 24,2001. I had all three children to celebrate Christmas. My family who dearly love the children were visiting. We had a nice family visit exchanging gifts and conversation. I videotaped this occasion for memories. Shortly there after, I was brought back into court. My ex husband sought full custody. He said the children were crying after this last visit and did not want to have to visit me again. I brought the video tape to the law guardian who watched and reported back to the judge that he saw no evidence of any unhappy circumstance involving the children, that it looked just like any normal family celebration opening gifts and such. During a Lincoln hearing my children asked that they not have to see me any more. I have not had my children since that time. Through the years I have tried calling them, sending cards and gifts but I get no replies, no thank you's, just hang ups on the phone or now the answering machine picks up. This has me heart broken. I miss the opportunities to share in my childrens lives. I love them deeply and I am not able to show them this. My daughter is 18 now and she chooses to have no relationship with me. I am going back to court next month to request that my child support obligations be terminated for her as she has abandoned the parental child relationship. My two youngest children live 15 minutes away and I don't even know what they look like anymore. Just when I feel that I can't cry any more tears the tears come all over again. I am able to pick myself up and go on with life knowing that I still have one child that acknowledges me and a wonderful man I am marrying soon. One note that I did not add is that I have had full custody of the oldest child since Sept of 2001. I just don't understand how a judge can give me full custody of one child and not see through this mess and allow these two other children to abandon me at the hands of their father?

I fear my son has experience Parental Alienation from his mother but as a backfire affect. Her attempts to turn him away from me backfired on her. The result is just as sad as if I had done it.. he really does not liek her and does not want to spend time with her and complains about her a lot. I want to help him.. I truly try to defend her actions against him on her behalf. I have tried to contorl any negative comments against her throuth the years.. I want my kids to be happy and to be raised by both of us without stress nor animosity. He is 14 now however and all along I have been an extremely actiove and lovign and supporting parent to him ad he and hie sister have lived with me 1/2 time. I have been soccer coach, scout leader, and partricipated in the YMCA adventure guides and princessew with them. The end result from this.. my kids adore me.. we are very close.. I am a very happy father for this.

However.. because we are so close and now he is old enoght to know better.. her attempts at putting me down to my children have backfired. He realizes she has been lying to him and trying to turn his affections from me.. She also is now startgin to treat him badly since he resembles me and because he stands up for me now. Good luck in your push to get PAS recognised and exposed to the courts. I wish I had some way to expose this problem and a legal tool to have them make her stop and get help before its too late for my kids. My eaughter is 9 and she is gogin to start showing symptoms in a while I fear.. wither by alienating me.. or her mom, or becoming bitter for the conflict she feels from her moms statements. I feel until she learns to stop putting me down to my kids they will continue to suffer and there is little I can do about it. Peace

Hello, I am the heartbroken Mother of two children,who I have not hugged or looked into their eyes for 947 days,since Oct 19,2003.They were 7&8 yrs old at the time and they are now 10&11.After 2 yrs of trying to talk divorce,after gently and civilly approaching him on the topic,I filed divorce from their Father,and days later,he obtained a Restraining Order on me in the Lynn,Mass District Court.I was blindsided! There was no altercation, incident,no abuse by me.He just suddenly one Sunday left my home with them! He told lies to obtain the R.O.,he brought in other family members to "validate" his claim,my Mother(his age,77)pays his lawyer --so far,$73,833.00,to continue this horror story since Oct 2003. I was my children's primary caregiver.I brought them to school every day,picked them up,answered PTO absentee phones at school,actively participated in the community,at school,at church with them,provided every stitch of clothing,every gift under the tree,coordinated playgroups,arranged for their friends to come over brought them everywhere with me---we gardened together,rode bikes,climbed hills,attended museums,movies,made crafts regularly,visited the animal rescue league regularly,the library regularly,I brought them to the voting polls,even,and political fundraisers.Their Father never once came along to the beach with us,the movies,to family events.We even dined alone,my children and me.He cooked dinner,(great cook)then left the room.He never so much as took a walk with my children,never stepped foot inside a church with them,never once a movie!Never a haircut,never an amusement park,the zoo.We were always alone.He went to the racetrack with his SS check.

I have not stepped foot inside my home,since Oct 19,2003,the day I was ejected,the home that I was alone at signing for 11 yrs ago, that I solely have always paid the mortg on,still do.He rides their coattails to be able to stay where he's living! I cannot call them,I cannot send a card,or a gift.I have no photos of them,I have no report card grades,I don't know their shoe sizes,their height,their friend's names,their favorite colors,how they wear their hair!I cannot go near their school,I cannot have contact with them. He walked away from his first family and home with the clothes on his back,and now he leans on my children for his well-being.They have told the GAL thAt they are afraid that something bad will happen to their Dad if he has to move from the home.It is in his best interest to refer to me by my first name,has them doing same,has them in fear now of me,they want nothing to do with me,don't recall anything good about me,say all good about him.He bought them cell phones,"in case she comes near you" Their therapist,who my mean and misguided mother hired,told them "you shouldn't have to see her"(me!) As if I'm some pesky nuisance.Their therapist refuses to look at me,talk to me while twice attempting to be in on "therapy" with them.They kept their coats over their heads,remained silent,didn't want to hear my voice,I had to sit around the corner in the next room.I paid a visit person 40.00/hr so,so many times--same deal. Our Judge has ordered a 1,000 fine for every time he denied attempted visits,but I have stopped attempting anymore.This is quite literally killing me.I grieve so bad.I attend grief councelling 1x per wk,religiously,for 2+ years.Most days,I am 'the human scream' inside,but I look after my health,I help less fortunate people in the community every day,to 'get outside myself' and the despair.I continue working,same job for 28 yrs,paying the mortgage on our home,paying my way at a friend's--just 2 miles from my children!

I pray the prayer of Jabez daily for my children,I pray for the Judge's wisdom,the newly appointed family therapist's wisdom,and have beseached the therapist to contact Rachel Foundation for materials on how to reintigrate. These people are horrified at the idea of removing the children from the alienator,to restore day-in-and-day-out living with the alienated parent,which is the only solution,initially. God help all of the children,and us brokenhearted parents.Hear my prayer now,God!

My Story : Married with one child, little girl. Father was primary caregiver. Child was eighteen months old when mother filed for divorce. Mother filed a false allegation of physical abuse; an order of protection was issued against the father, who was removed from the marital home. Judge returned father to home after the mother was found to have lied. Mother locked child in her bedroom every night and insisted that the child be put in daycare only during the father's time with the child. Father was primary caregiver for 3.5 years, and agreed to have visitation three times per week and every other weekend. After marital residence was sold, Mother moved to another state and insisted that the father drive back and forth with the child three days per week, 100 hundred miles a day. Mother filed for sole custody twice during this time. Judge ruled: that the best interest of the child, mother will do the driving and father will lose meaningful weekly visitation, but get one month vacation during summer. Sixty days later, mother alleged that father molestered the now five year old daughter, and brainwashed the child into repeating same to ACS and a validator. Mother was found to have alienated the child from her father and his family. Father is presently embroiled in custody battle. The Judge who issued the new order regarding one month during the summer, has now recused himself, citing conflict with the ex-wifes attorney. The judge is up for re-election and didn't want anything to do with this case. Father is engaged and living in a nice home with the fiancée's seven year old daughter. Both children have been together since father's daughter has been two years of age. Mother is still refusing to allow the father to see the child.

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My Story : I have been told that the alienation by my wife vis-a-vis my 11 year old daughter is the worst ever seen in Cook County,Illinois. I do not have time for all the details. Here are some nuggets. My wife never wanted to have children and many times would never come home at night, telling me all night on the phone that she never wants to see me or my daughter again and never wanted to be a mom and wants to be free again. My daughter was never told any of this by me. But she sensed that there was no love from her mother who routinely went to sleep at 8:00. When the divorce started, she told me she wanted to live with me at home...the wife had taken $200,000 from my bank and bought a new home. My daughter told her therapist and her lawyer that she wanted to live with me only, that I was a far better mom than mom would ever be and her best friend. At that time I had my daughter four days and four nights a weeks, and every weekend, as my wife agreed to. One day my daughter calls me on her cell phone; it is not my day. She asks if she could stay at home that night. I said of course. So her mom drops her off. I say, if you want to talk about it, okay, but dinner's ready. Two bites of salad and she goes into hysterics. I had never seen such panic and was sure I would have to take her to the hospital. It seems she got into another fight with mom. Finally, mom screamed while breathing very deeply, "If you don't live with me, I am going to kill myself." So my kid, positive this was happening right then and there tried to call her at home and on her cell. She would not answer. So even though raining, we drove to her house, calling all the way. When we got there, she would not answer the door and still did not answer her phone. I am now taking my daughter to the hospital. She says, I have to try one more time. She does. The wife answers the phone: she is at Menards shopping! I knew right then and there that my relationship with my daughter was over. I have not seen her since. That was two years ago. In the meantime, my wife went to court and told the judge that I "stood over my daughter and told her to take her clothes off." I was not there. My daughter was not there. On the spot, the judge said that is it, he'll never see her again. My wife, who was not at home at the time, forgot to add that a thousand times I had said "take off your clothes, put on your pajamas and go to bed." My daughter's lawyer and therapist did not understand why my daughter overnight changed her preferred living situation 180 degrees. Now she never wants to see me and wants to be with her mother. She won't give me her cellphone number, won't tell me when her baseball games are, etc. I am out over $1 million in the fight for her but no one cares. I could go on and on: she cursed me terribly to my daughter. Things like: "Don't let him touch me." "Talk quietly, he is probably outside your door listening." "He is a big jerk and I never should have married him." Endless stuff like this. Meanwhile I have been told to be an angel and never once (well maybe once) badmouthed the mom. My daughter's fist therapist and second therapist refused to work on the alienation issues with my daugther. Both are in the "divorce clique" and get no business outside of Judge and lawyers referrals. They have no other clients. I told both that alienation was the problem and they had to deal with it. They said no. One said, it is up to the psychiatrist who is determining custody. That psychiatrist long ago gave up. I don't want your pity. If you have someone in Chicago who is POWERFUL as in the FBI, legislators, Congressmen, etc. let me know.

My Story : Hello, I am a mother who battles everyday to talk to her three children. I lost my children in a custody battle that was filled with lies. I had visitation only with my three children. When that was compromised I tried my best to fight harder. The harder I pushed the harder my ex-husband and his family pushed. In 2003 I moved away from Chicago back to my hometown of Los Angeles - my family unit is here as well as a good job. I got another attorney and fought for my visitiation. When I did that my exhusband would not allow me to speak to my children on the phone and blocked any weekend time with them. I eventually won three weeks in the summer - but I have to post $10,000 cash in a joint savings account with my attorney to insure the children will be returned to their father. I went back last summer and won an additional week in the summer - but still have to post the money. My exhusband lives in the house he was raised in with his parents and he does not have a job. The children want to live with me and visit him. They do not understand why this is the way it is and they are teased at school by the other kids because their dad does not have a job and still lives with his parents. I just tell them that the other kids don't understand. I want so badly to be with my children - I cry every night and wonder what else I can do. I am so lucky to have been with them this Mother's Day. That was the best present I could have had. Loving them and laughing with them. What more could a mother want?

My Story : in a nut shell I have been fighting this for 6 years. march 16 2001 is the date she started in earnest. Since then I have not seen my daughter without a fight. I lost my grand children to it. The usual tactics except as I see now my daughter was a strong one. I since the beginning of may have been seeing my daughter infact she chose my side of the family for mother's day her abuser was powerless. This was mainly through her own STUPIDITY. She tried to have me arested for atempting a visitation within the order of the court. She dragged that on for 18 months and chased off my 2nd wife. I won several decicive orders in court and her criminal charges were totally against the higher court. The judge near jailed her. To no avail she had me arested at gunpoint in my own house 2 months later . again total violation of the court. This time the police stopped believing her and must have tried to charge her. The daughter after losing out on seeing dad for the 3rd Christmas started taking liberties. It has sped ahead since then

My Story : MY STORY INVOLVES LIVERPOOL CITY COUNCIL SOCIAL SERVICES, AND I THINK IT IS THE SICKEST STORY I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS. On the 21 march 2003 my son who was then 4 was involved in a HIT AND RUN accident in a park. He was then taken to Alder Hey Childrens Hospital in liverpool to A&E where the nurses confirmed that he had suffered a broken leg and a gash to his eyebrow, he then had some x-rays taken. After this we were taken to ward m3 sister w. attended to us. It took 28 hours and nil by mouth for my son to go to theatre and whilst this delay unknown to me the staff were compiling a dossier of me and my behaviour. Come the monday morning 24 march 2003 as i was about to leave the hospital the CHILD PROTECTION TEAM came and said they had an EMERGENCY PROTECTION ORDER, and i wasnt going any were that my son who i had never left since he was born never had a babysitter apart from his grandmother he was taken into care LCC SS. When i got home my other two babies who were only 2 and 10 months old had also been taken from our beautiful clean home and off the nan, into care also. Then my ordeal and nightmare started the fabricated report at alder hey had conveniently instigated legal proceedings. It has gone from a care order , to a residance order for my ex husband to have my oldest son ( the other 2 are not his) and they are on a FREEING ORDER to be adopted, but i have recently been informed that the order has now expired and my childrens placement has broken down in march, this now gives me an opportunity to reapply for parental responsibility. But when i went to court in february C.J. R. who has reserved the case to herself refused to revoke the freeing order even though its expired and still will not reinstate supervised contact (its against the childrens human rights to be denied this) has now not ordered because she cant, but made it clear she will CLOSE THE CASE IF I DO NOT GIVE HER AN ASSESSMENT BY A PSYCOLOGIST, AN EXPERT FROM THE COURT AND OREDERED I HAVE TO SEE HIM ALONE ? So therefore i have no option, even though barrister have said why has this judge not reviewed the case after 3 years what have i done for her to ask this, she was fully aware that the report from the hospital was inconsistant and fabricated in it , it stated THAT I HAD BEEN SECTIONED UNDER THE MENTAL HEALTH ACT ON NUMBEROUS OCCASSIONS, AND THAT MY CHILDREN WERE ON AN AT RISK REGISTER BOTH OF THESE STATEMENTS WERE PROVEN TO BE FALSE but the judges said they dont care my children will remain with ss. Within the next week i have agreed to adhere to this assessment albeit everyone has begged me not to get it done as its only for her to justify the case, at present all this case consist of is false allegations, the only excuse the ss have is that i may be a POTENTIAL RISK meaning they have NO EVIDANCE. The judgement for this case is to be July 19 at liverpool family courts and i shall then find out if she intends to ADOPT my precious children or not, i shall not stop and give up fighting for my children and even sell my house for private detectives to keep me informed of my childrens wereabout etc. At the moment i am trying to stay positive and hope the outcome will be that my children are returned on some sort of an order there are lots she can give.

My Story : I have a brother and a sister that I grew up not knowing. When I was old enough, I was told the truth about this family in Canada (we are in the US) that I never met. My father's ex wife had cheated on him, and when confronted decided to leave with their 2 children- a boy and a girl. Their mother moved them a thousand miles across the country, and moved between family member's homes in order to hide them from my father. He did what any man almost 30 years ago would have done- he gave up. There were no laws on his side. When we finally met these kids, they were late teens. Sullen, already drinking, smoking, and on drugs- that their mother had introduced them to. She blamed their misfortunes on my father, claiming he left them, hated them, didn't want them, wouldn't pay child support so left them destitute. She claimed he was living it up in Florida with his new family, who were practically rolling in money. We were pretty poor ourselves, including at one point getting food from churches. But my mom and dad (he adopted me when I was 2, does that seem like a guy who doesn't "want" children?), worked hard and worked their way up to middle to upper-middle class. Once my two siblings were adults and found out my parents had money, they started contact at the urging of their mother. The boy moved down here, and was given a house, cars, and money as well as job training by my father. The girl was sent several thousands of dollars for school, cars, apartments, and medical expenses. When they finally got so deep into drugs- with all the money they were given- that they couldn't hide it anymore, they finally told my father everything. That they hated him. That he owed them everything he had because he left them. That they wished him dead, and our family as well. They have not been back, nor do they contact my dad anymore. My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship. Knowing what my parents went though with my dad's kids, I wanted to support my husband in maintaining contact with his daughter. We managed this well enough- IF his ex was in a good mood, and not dating someone. My husband had "reasonable" visitation, but that meant whenever his ex felt like it. As soon as she got a boyfriend, he was the new "daddy" and my husband was out of the picture. My husband was addressed by his child by his first name only. She was told her daddy was dead from age 3, but her mother claims she thought that up all on her own. His ex told me it was "cute" when she called her boyfriend's daddy When his ex finally met her husband when his daughter was 6, all contact ceased with us (who she had been interacting with several times a week by then). She stopped contact, told my husband he couldn't see his daughter anymore, and moved out of state. For almost a year my husband paid his child support to the state, yet didn't know where it was going. They wouldn't tell him. Then it was Christmas time, and his ex allowed his daughter to call us from her cell phone- which was local. Through conversation, we learned that his daughter was living about 5 minutes from us with her grandparents, while her mother was living with her new husband and baby in another state from anywhere from a month to three months while she was in the hospital with childbirth complications. When confronted about this after she came back on the phone, his ex informed him that this was the last time he was going to talk to his daughter. She told him that she and her new husband had a lawyer and he was to sign over his parental rights or he would be put in jail (for what?) She said her new husband was going to adopt his daughter, and that was the way it was going to be whether he liked it or not. He was going to be "reported for abandonment". This is when I stepped in financially, and contacted no less than *8* different lawyers before one would say he had any sort of case. I finally took out a second mortgage in order to pay court costs for a lawyer. Despite the multiple contempt charges, with moving out of state and refusing vistitation and refusing to even let him know where his daughter was for nearly a year, his ex was not punished at all. In fact, the only thing court accomplished was raising child support to 40% of my husband's income based on imputing statutes, and telling them they needed to go to mediation. They did, for 5 hours, with even the mediator wondering why she was so unmoving in setting up a schedule, since this is what she claimed my husband had never wanted to do even though she said she tried to encourage it in the past. Luckily, the ex's husband seems to be a pretty reasonable person. He has encouraged the contact that the ex says my husband never wanted. I think that some people on her side are seeing now that if all my husband had to do was call and ask to see his daughter like she claimed, he never would have taken her to court. She also has shown him some of her psychotic behavior, such as violent outbursts and threatening suicide in front of my step-daughter that her new husband has witnessed. Before that he believed that she was always a victim. She has also been caught in several minor lies, which at least shows her nature, if not affecting visitation. We believe he is the reason she takes her medication as well. I firmly believe that if it weren't for her current husband, we would still be in and out of court every couple of months like we were for the first year. Now that my step daughter is a regular part of our and our new daughter's lives, I know I did the right thing in supporting my husband. I know some people would have told him to give up, and sign away his rights. I knew what *could* happen when a dad gives up, and I didn't want that to happen to my step-daughter or husband. We are deeply in debt, and our lawyer removed herself from his case due to illness, and we just have not had the money to find another. My husband is afraid to take her to court for joint legal custody, and to modify visitation on paper the changes she has agreed to verbally. He is worried that he will not only lose some visitation, but that child support will go up for a 3rd time in 3 years. His ex still maintains that my husband is not a good father. That he is "only a part-time dad", and other derogitory remarks. We never say a bad word about her, hoping that in time my step-daughter will realize what all has happened. I know that I will not hide the books on co-parenting that we purchased as she gets older. So she can see that we have tried some of the recommended tactics to maintaining contact, and that we weren't trying to persecute her mother in the process (as she, of course, constantly claims).

My Story : I don't even know where to begin. The divorce was never my idea. When I realized I had no say in the matter, I simply wanted to remain as close to my children as I could. But my former wife, bent on total destruction of me, set about on a course of action to destroy my relationship with my children and among my son and daughter that continues today fully ten years later. She fostered an acrimonious relationship between my son and daughter. She openly favored my daughter and scorned my son. My attempts through the courts, social services, volunteer organizations and the schools were all met with the same response, "...its the system..." Judges, lawyers, police and social workers have all admitted to me "...its the system..." My children are getting older now. My daughter is a sophmore in college and remains distant. My son a junior in high school may graduate despite his mother's refusal to participate in his education. I remain horribly shocked by what my children and I have been forced to endure. I am attempting to initiate a grass roots interest at the local political level. The issue must be corrected at the level of the local court system, or through local legislation. I want to help and I want others to help. This dirty little secret must be brought out into the open.

My Story :My two children were abducted to japan. Im not really good at writing letters but you can share it with other people. Right now I'm having difficulty because no one is helping me. Some help that I got before, most of them, just took my money. I live in Australia, and due to a bad decision by a certain judge, I lost my two children. The Australian government won't do anything. I've contacted the prime minister, politicians, local members, legal aide, federal police, even the media. Right now my court order has expired and I'm still having diffuculty renewing it. I knew that when my ex-wife tried to take our two children she wouldn't come back. She took me to court and the family court went her way. The court has stopped me from protecting my kids and now they are gone. Some links to my story: http://www.crnjapan.com/articles/2005/en/20050612-smqld-dads_vigil_for_stolen_sons.html http://www.hugurkids.com/content/view/69/32/ http://frij.net/m/messagedetails.asp?TopicID=67 I really want to spread my story hoping one day my two children will see it and know the truth. Thank you

My Story : I separated when my son was 5 m.o. I was attacked after a few words and I counter attacked stronger and stronger. Every time I was repeatedly attacked. After that I left my house because I knew respect had been broken to its final point. My son stayed with his Mum and since then she has been trying for all manners to put me away from his life. I had to look for justice on the tribunals because at a certain point she did not allow me to see him. But what I found is that justice system does not mean justice. I always was a good father. It was I that would take him for vaccines. I would not ever loose a visit to M.D. I always woke up when he was crying at dawn. Even after they prohibited me to see him, I use to go every afternoon to the nursery when I came to spend the whole afternoon with him, as I was retired at the time. Then she decided to take a MSc in a city 320Km away when he was just 1 and a half y.o.. I had not ever missed a single visitation on alternate weekends that justice gave us. I used to travel on Fridays at 6a.m. picked him up at noon, came back at 2p.p. (she did not ever give him before 12 in order that I could get the 12 clock bus back home), and I used to travel to deliver him to her on Mondays at 6a.m. and returned home again at 12 making 1300Km every two weeks for 3 years. Finally she married someone from England, and she is now living in UK. I call him every week and after a few minutes talking he always says to me they have to go to the super market. I can feel sadness in his voice. He says he does not like England, he hates the food and he does not ever visit a friend. Here he used to visit friends or he was visited almost every day. He is in England with a tourist visa and so he was not supposed to study. I believe he is somehow illegal. I do not know at what school he is registered neither when he will come to see me. But I am quite sure the day when he will be able to choose and decide he will come to me because we have developed such a strong relationship that no one will be able to break, even his Mum who is doing her best to keep me away. I love you my son. My thoughts are always with you. www.apase.org.br

My Story : My website is at www.tinyurl.com/66vo2 Please take the time to read my story and check my site out In the Bill For Children's Rights of Divorce under paragraph 3,13 and 17. It states the child(ren) have the right to reasonable and continued access and contact to the natural parent(s) and extended family,without the interferce of the other parent.In the case of child apprension,CPS/MCFD assumes the role of parent. HIGHLIGHTS TYPED OUT FROM A RECENT PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSESSMENT: PG 41 PARA 1: MS E. HAS ONLY 3 HOUR VISITATION TWICE A MONTH - ONE CAN CONCLUDE THAT DISABLED OR,ANY SINGLE PARENT WOULD BE CHALLENGED WITH THIS ACCESS. MORE FREQUENT AND LONGER PERIODS OF ACCESS THAT PERMIT ROUTINES AND NORMAL. PARENT - CHILD INTERACTION WORK BEST FOR CHILDREN VISITING THEIR NONRESIDENTIAL PARENT, IF THAT PARENT IS RESPONSIBLE. PG 42 PARA 2: ATTACHMENT OF THE BOYS TO THEIR MOTHER IS CERTAIN, AND HER DESIRE TO BE A HANDS ON PARENT IS CLEAR, AS IS HER INTELLECTUAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL CAPACITY. PG 42 PARA 3: MS E. HAS EXPERIENCED THE HELPLESSNESS AND FRUSTRATION OF BEING DEPENDANT UPON MCFD FOR SEEING HER CHILDREN, AND AT THE SAME TIME, HAVING NO COMMUNICATIONS OR CONNECTION WITH THE FOSTER PARENT, WHO WORKS MORE CLOSELY WITH MCFD THAN SHE DOES. Ms. E. APPEARS TOBE RELATIVELY HEALTHY EMOTIONALLY, HER ANGER IS UNDERSTANDABLE AND SHE HAS FOCUSED IT IN CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS. PG 110 (c) Dr. S.H., PhD: Psychological Report: Parenting Capacity of Ms. E.. (October 10,2000) (i) Ms. E's History. Dr. H's very thorough history of Ms. E. puts many of her behaviours into perspective, but as a survivor rather than a victim of her medical, family, and social struggles. Ms. E., today (2005), must be seen as a successful person striving to have as full a life for herself and her children as possible. Neither neglect, physical/sexual/emotional abuse, nor physical disabilities predict inevitable psychological dysfunction. Studies of survivors show that individuals have a unique response to trauma "that is the complex interplay between life experiences and the developing self (McCann & Pearlman, 1990). Dr. H's Mental Status Exam of Ms. E. indicated normal functioning. PG 116 1) ASSUMED DIFFICULTIES DUE TO DISABILITY. 2) REASONING,ANALYTICAL SKILLS EXCELLENT. 5) COMMENT ON UNDUE STESS MS.E. IS/HAS BEEN SUBJECT TO. 6) MS. E. IS A SURVIVOR - NORMAL FUNCTIONING. 7) NO DISORDERS OF DIFFICULTIES,PSYCHOLOGICAL. PG 120 2.6) LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY OF MCFD. 3.3) FOSTEWRPARENTS' DISDAINFUL ATTITUDE TOWARDS MS E. 3.4) SHE DESIRES MORE POSITIVE RESPECTFUL ARRANGEMENTS WITH OTHER CAREGIVERS. PG 122 5) ATTACHMENTS CONFIRMED. 5.5) BOYS PROUD OF THEIR MOTHER. PG 155 KEY PASSAGE 20.14) MOTHER NEEDS HELP, BOYS NEED THEIR MOTHER. PG 156 4) MCFD'S FOCUS ON BLAME,SHORTCOMINGS (REAL AND ASSUMED) RATHER THAN ON STRENGTHS. MORE MONEY SPENT ON KEEPING THIS MOTHER SEPERATE FROM HER CHILDREN THAN ON PROVIDING APPROPRIATE ASSESSMENTS/SERVICES OF SUPPORT TEAM.//MY STORY IS AS FOLLOWED// I am a 39 year old mother with a disability. My first child was born May 14,1990. My twins were born Sept 25,1996. From June 1990 till this date my children have been repeatedly apprehended.We live in Courtenay,BC,Canada.The only crime I have ever commited is of having ataxia and a tracheotomy.There has never been any evidence of any type of abuse. I have been repeatedly labeled with neglect.For the simple fact that I can not run after the twins or project my voice loud enough. I have in the past succeeded in my court cases,until Febuary of 2002.My oldest son was placed in continuing care in Febuary 2002,because a couple years earlier I was basically forced to sign a voluntary care agreement.I was told by the social worker at the time,that I either place him in voluntary care or she would apprehend all three boys.In Febuary of 2002,my twins were returned to my custody.Only to have them reapprehended a few months later.My twins were placed in continuing care in November of 2004. In November of 2002,I was given a court order allowing me 4 hours once a week unsupervised with my oldest son.Since my twins were apprehended in June of 2002,I had varied visits lasting from once a week to 4 days a week for a few hours at a time.Since the court case in November of 2004.My visits and access has been limited to once a month for 2 hours.Even though I was invited by the judge to apply for reasonable access. I ALSO NEED TO MENTION,IN THIS COURT CASE THAT EVEN THE MCFD'S WITNESSES EVEN TESTIFIED THE MOTHER AND CHILDREN LOVE EACHOTHER AND THERE IS/WAS NO EVIDIDENCE OF ABUSE. I have a appeal in the supreme court set for August 2005 for my appeal to be heard and a access order to be heard in family court. On April 14,2005 in the social workers office.She had stated in front of myself and my 2 local advocates,that there was every intention of putting boys up for adoption and the appeal before the courts had no weight on their intentions.But then after a hour of discussion,she agreed to increase my access to 2 visits a month for 3 hours. Now (Feb/06)months later this limited access. My acces has been further limited to 2 hrs twice a month. My next court date is set for June 7/06. Eventhough s.15 and s.55 in the BC legislation and Children,Family Services Act discribes how there is a obligation by MCFD and other government agencies to put proper supports as needed into the home to keep the paramount family optics in place.This has never been properly done. It seems that to MCFD it is somehow prudent to place children in care,where it costs thousands of dollars a month. Than to keep the children in the home of a loving parent, where it would cost a fraction of that money to put proper supports in the home. IF YOU ARE A ADVOCATE FOR DISABLED PARENTS,I COULD CERTAINLY USE YOUR ASSISTANCE.YOUR ASSISTANCE WILL BE A ADDED BENEFIT TO THE ASSISTANCE I ALREADY HAVE.THIS DELAY IS NOT JUSTICE TO MY CHILDREN.

My Story : I'm divorced 5 years now and I want to tell you that your organization's bringing awareness of the problem of parental alienation is a great first step. But once again, as we so often see in divorce, we are making one parent into the bad guy and the other into the victim. Most divorce cases by far have no good guy or bad guy, just two very hurt, angry and fearful people. The tendency of one parent to attempt to alienate the other parent is just a reaction, maybe to his or her own fear, maybe to angry or hurtful posturing by their ex. Divorce is scary. We are afraid of losing everything, but believe me the reality is not so bad as we fear. We feel powerless, but the emotional intensity we feel is strong and terrifying to others, particularly our exes. Truth be told, if one parent is being alienated, more often than not, he/she is also doing a bit of alienating and blaming of the other. Think how this makes your kids suffer! My own parents stayed married throughout my childhood, but that didn't stop them from alienating each other. "Your mother ... blah, blah, blah" and "Your ... father blah!" What I felt when they said these things was that _I_ was bad. I'm half my mother and half my father after all. If one of them is terrible, then I must be terrible too. Now I tell my daughter that her beautiful long eyelashes and her thick hair and her outgoing nature come from her Dad. I tell her she's lucky to have a Dad that spends so much time with her and takes her places. I point out to her little things that he does. I do these things because I know that she identifies with him and because I believe them. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll look bad, that he won't say nice things about me and I'll be the bad guy, but I let that go. My daughter will judge us for herself one day. I just hope that she believes in me when she's all grown up. I read a study a few years ago of college age children with divorced parents. Most of them rated their closeness with both parents as higher than children of married parents who identified more with one. That's what we as parents are trying to provide for our kid. Still, having been through the divorce process and sharing as close to equal parenting with my ex (and his new wife) as possible, I can see how even in a "friendly" divorce, the temptation to alienate or to just grab the kid and run is strong. The first years are painful. We don't like being hurt and afraid and angry, so we act out. Believe me though, if you persevere and behave as if you're not hurting or angry or afraid, and can even risk letting your ex look good or better than you by telling the kids about good qualities he or she has, your rewards will be great. Think about it. By telling your children about their mom or dad's good qualities, you're telling them about themselves. If your ex knows that you want him/her in your child's life, that you know that your children will be happiest with BOTH parents in their lives, then who knows? You might all be better off, which is hopefully your goal. Keep in mind that of all the people in the world, your child's other parent is the ONLY person who loves and cares for your child(ren) as much as you do. When I'm having a tough time saying goodbye to my kid, whether she's off for her regular stint at Daddy's or going on a week long vacation, that's what I remember. Please make a place in your organization that let's everyone know that they are responsible for the alienation as much as they are victimized by it. When we have children, we become truly grown up and we must work hard to act like it, even when it hurts.

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My Story : (as my ex-wife and her husband, being 2 people, told the cops a different version.) I gave up on visitation, as my wife moved again without telling me. I couldn't find where my son was. I went to court, and her lawyer was prepared to file a recommendation that all visitation be ended based on that last trumped up assault charge. I asked for a continuance, walked out of the stupid courtroom and never went back. I have had no contact with my son for nearly 4 years. Letters go unanswered. Phone calls go unanswered.... Matthew 18:6

I married a woman with 7 children in 1997, we had a child together in 1997. I adopted the 7th child in 2002, a month before my wife threw me out claiming I was "abusive" to her and the kids. I have 2 legal kids I see 2 nights a week. I have 6 step kids with whom I have lost contact and visitation. Without restraint, legal or ethical, my ex-spouse thoroughly alienates the 6 step step-kids. The situation is very complex, but the simple of it is it hurts my legal children as well. Here are some actions over the last four years: After five years as the de facto father to teenage step kids, I thought I would reassure them on the day I was forced out of the house and slapped with an injunction order to have no contact with my wife. I had been their personal advisor and mentor in many ways. I helped my teeage stepson get his Eagle Scout, ecnouraged him in school football, drama and band, etc. I helped my teenage daughters with music lessons, harp, percussion, and voice, school swimming and dive team, chorus, graphic arts, and scholastics. Attended and cheered them in drama events, as costume coordinator or scenic painter. Supported them in as they served as youth leaders in Church, etc. I hleped my younger stepsons with cub scouts, five pinewood derby cars, 4 raingutter sail boats, little league baseball, school events and activities, scholastics, homework, and father-son campouts. I helped the older kids get their first-ever jobs, keep banking accounts, etc. So, at first chance, I stopped at their work locations, not able to see them at my home - where I was restrained - and told them I was sorry for the turmoil of the last few days and asked how they were getting on. All three of the older teenagers welcomed me, were concerned for my wellfare, and expressed wishes tht the mess would go away. Days later, a motion was filed and denied to include ALL the children on the injunction. There after, any reference to the step and natural children in legal correspondance claimed none of the children wanted ANY contact from me. After getting court ordered visitation with my two "legal" children, the stories got worse. In additional visits to my step kids, they reported I was "violating laws" and was not to contact them at all. This is what they had been told. It was not true. As the situation grew worse, all trouble was my fault. I pleaed to go to counseling and work on matters, but was flatly refused. Then the step children are told I abandonded them when divorce proceeded. When I first received my two "legal' children after a court order establishing visitation, they were visibly afraid and warned me, "Daddy, why did you hit Mommy. If you do it again, you will have to go to jail." I never ever physically abused anyone in my life, never hit my spouse or any woman. I was guilty of being easily agitated and anxious when my income fell in half, being angry and intimidating when I felt my wife's refusal to stop spending and refusal to support me in my economic slump. I was seeking therapy for the same in the middle of all this. After coordinating through attorneys to have my name taken off the house power, and my ex-wife to set up her own account, the power goes off one night. My kids call me and ask, "Why did you turn of the power Daddy?" Then, my wife's lover was discovered. He moved into my home and bed three months after my departure. Mom pulled all the kids out of church, against their protest, cut all ties to mutual friends, and cited the Church members and friends were abusing her and her family. She fought to keep the house with my continuing to pay for it, and then one week after working out an arrangement, she jumped out of the house and moved into a luxury apartment where rent equalled the house payments. I then was left to sell the house after affecting many many repairs to recent troubles. I kicked the family out of ther home, so the kids were told. My kids go to day care, even when they could come to me, on many days when I am working out of home, as I have for twelve years. All household members have been istructed NOT to answer the phone if I call, even though I have court ordered "unrestricted telephone" contact with my kids. My youngest step son was absolutely terrified of me when I first began to see him at the day care he attended in common with my "legal' children. After six slow months of patience, we chat and share storeis regularly again, as we did when I was his step father. He had been convinced I used to choke him and beat him - so I was a "mean man." It helped that most of the day care kids altered his opinion in time, as they all knew me well. I often visit the day care to visit my kids after school, and most of the other kids there know me well. Well, there are many many more, but I think the gist of this is evident.

My children have been a victim of Parent Alienation now for six years. A friend of mine saw this article in the Goodhue area News Record and thought of me right away. I was so amazed that the article was in the paper let alone there was someone who knew what we have been going through. This has been devasting for the kids and myself. I haven't seen my daughter now for over eight months because of her father as he brainwashes and manipulates her. He has been trying to do the same thing to my son. He continually tells the children that the child support is for them to use as they want. He told my daughter that it was for her to buy a new truck and was also her college fund money. She is 16 now and is disobeying the court orders by staying at her fathers house when she is supposed to be living with me, six houses away. She has been told she does not have to do what the judge says. She is an outstanding athlete and was honored on telelvision in March. My son is also an outstanding athlete at age 14, however their father is coaching up to three of their school sports. He does not work at the school but has worked his way into this position. He has a business in town so he can take off when he wants to to coach, etc. He told my son the child support was for him to go to an 800 camp which i cannot afford as a single mother but manipulated my son to blame me over this. My ex has brought many motions to the court regarding child support and custody, he has lost all of them but has continually taken me to court for the past six years. He is married and has a baby due anyday. He also owns his own home, a business and a boat and they go on many vacations with the kids. He has been held in contempt many times for not paying child support. He is always at least 700 behind but I am suppose to pay for all the extra cirricular for the kids. I am struggling financially. I would love to take my children on a vacation. I just recently have talked to my daughter, she is hurting and I am worried about her. We have a Parenting Time Exbititor coming to help but the ex did not pay his share so I have to find a way to pay her, she is most likely going to request for the Investigation. My ex received a letter from the court requesting the exbiditor money to start the process, he stole mine letter out of my mailbox so i did not know of this until just this past friday when i called to find out why they have not contacted me. He has had this letter for over a month, they sent it on March 23 and he still has not paid his share. I have been going crazy waiting for the exbiditor to start because there is no letting up with this guy. . He has keyed two of my vehicles and has lied to the community, the judges, his wife, his family, the kids, etc about who I am in hopes that he can turn them all against me. I have had a very tough time over the past twenty years. Because he disobeys every order I had over 40k in lawyer bills, the end result, I had to file bankruptcy which then he told everyone about. I tried to make it work with him but after being mentally and physically abused i finally wanted out and I think this is his way of holding on. If he can see me cry or see me hurt in the courtroom i think that gives him the pleasure he is looking for. If my daughter doesn't talk to me then that also gives him pleasure. I cannot get any relief from this guy, he has cost me a job because he would not take the kids in to have their braces tightened or to go to the doctor for anything, he told the children that they were not allowed to ask grandma or anyone else that I had to take them. As a result of taking to many days off of work I was let go. I have been at my new job now for over a year but I am still hurting. I miss my relationship with my daughter and I am always worried about what the ex is saying to my children. After coaching or a game, he will drop my son back off at home when he feels like it, he will make him sit in the car outside my home for a long period of time discussing????? Then my son comes in to the house and is quiet, confused or upset. He is working him everyday as he is there for practice coaching, if it is a sport he does not coach he picks him up right after practice before i can get there, or he goes to watch him at practice and takes him right afterwards and brings him home when he is done talking to him. Then he calls the house repeatedly and talks to him on the phone. There have been days when he has spoken to my son for over a half an hour four times within one day. He is there everyday, after school. He takes the children on ALL holidays, he has been doing that for some time now, he convinces then that it is way more fun to go where all their cousins would be. He has made my son call me and say that they cannot go to a special place in a different town where all the cousins will be staying the night and swimming unless i agreee to let him have the kids the entire spring break vacation. My son had to call me, he was crying he wanted to go to swimming on his dads' weekend with his cousins but was told he could not go unless he called me and convinced me to let the kids stay with him for the spring break when it was my time. My son was so upset and so was I, I agreed so my son would not cry and have a good rest of the day. I missed them when they were gone. I have no family here except for my kids as i moved from another state here with my ex to raise the children in a town where he grew up with all of his family. The family members on his side have watched and listiend to him lie in court, but they have told all the kids in the family that they are not to talk to me. A few of the kids do now as my son has them over to play games. My ex gets angry if anyone he knows in town, talks to me. Many people side with him but it is because he isn't honest with them. Some of his friends have made comments about how my daughter hasn't seen me or wants nothing to do with me. This is not true. She is confused, she is hurting and it isn't right. This kind of child abuse is torture. This is also torture to me as their mother. I have been trying to explain this to the court system and they can see how bad this really is but representing myself I thought was the problem. But now I am starting to wonder if they knew it was Parental Alienation all along. I love my children, I do not want to live in the town, six houses away from my ex but I am there so the kids can have a stable upbringing with their friends and one school. I have always given their father way more time with the kids than what the decree has allowed but that isn't good enough. I need help, I have been asking the courts and looking for organizations to help me. I have been crushed by the hatred, my daughter wouldn't even look at me if i came to watch her compete, that is how bad he has brainwashed and manipulated these kids. I realize that you will be altering this letter, that is fine, I just want you to know that I am very thankful that you are here. Everyday there is an issue. I just want my children to be happy and to have some peace in our lives. I love my kids. I miss my daughter, she has not even stayed one night in my house since I moved in back in November of 05. I am so depressed and I know my daughter is getting there. I am not informed when the parent teacher conferences are either, my ex's new wife has a stepmom that works at the school, I do not get any news letters or anything regarding their conferences. My ex husband also calls my son on my weekend and asks him to go with him to do things my son LOVES to do. This puts me on the spot. I could go on and on with way more detail but i am totally drianed. I really need someone to help us. It is really difficult to just go thru a day and try to work and keep my mind on my job when my children are going through all of this. Please help.

My Story : My husband and I adopted two children from Chile. I was 39 at the time and unable to conceive a natural child. This was my second marriage and my husband's third. My husband had two children by previous marriages. I had one. After 10 years of marriage my husband became distant and eventually he divorced me. We were both teachers in the same school. Big mistake. It was devastating to have my personal life known at my workplace. During the divorce, I felt a change in my children's behavior. An almost negative feeling toward me and suspicious of me. As the divorce continued we needed a guardian ad litem to intercede because my children were negative toward me. When the divorce was final, the real bizarre behavior began. The children started telling me they hated me. They avoided my friends. They started calling me by my first name rather than Mom. They made excuses why they couldn't be with me. They started stealing from the house when they visited with me. I was devastated by their lack of love for me. My ex would yell at me on the phone, "They hate you" "can't you get it through your head they don't want to be with you. I went to the police to enforce the joint custody arrangement. That seemed to escalate the name calling. Finally I retreated. I could not take the verbal and emotional abuse, not only by the girls , but also by my ex. He changed his number so that I could not call them. We were ordered by the court and guardian to go to family therapy. My ex refused. Financially I was not able to keep dragging him back into court, for violating the divorce decree. I decided to attend counseling myself. As I started telling my story to my counselor, he interrupted me and asked if I had ever heard of Parental Alienation Syndrome. I had not. He told me to look it up because I was a classic case of PAS. As I read the literature and books I was shocked. It's my story! The only part of all of the criteria I did not experience was the allegation of child abuse. But, every single other criteria on the list I had experienced. I printed out the symptoms and descriptions and tried to reason with my ex's family, showing what he was up to. No success. It has been 5 years since the divorce. My oldest is graduating from high school, and I have asked if I could attend. She said "No" Again devastation. The younger child, as predicted in PAS, has been in serious trouble; shop lifting, setting fires, threats etc. A definite result of the mess my ex has created. I never stopped sending cards, letters presents to my two girls, never once receiving one back. Just recently, when my oldest e-mailed me that she did not want me at her graduation, I e-mailed her back. Now her story is I wasn't there for them so I don't deserve to come to her graduation. This is a complete turn around. First they won't let me see them. and now they hold it against me for not seeing them. Brainwashed? Yes. Believe me, my ex could have been a trainer of Hitler's Youth Core, the children trained to hate and kill their parents. My ex is a teacher. I am appalled at his behavior. He brags to people "I have the Kids" as if this is a prize. I'm hoping that now that my oldest is 18, she might be smart enough to figure out the lies from the truth. I'm not sure though that it will take place. I still hope.

My Story : I was with my Ex. for 12 years. We were married for 8 yrs. when she decided to leave the marriage and a few months later, informed me that my two boys were not mine biologically. She promised me that the boys would always be mine. As you could imagine I was in duress over all this and pretty much decided to move on as quickly as possible and obtained a divorce a few months later, foolishly giving up my parenting rights. Because she promised I would always be their dad, I believed her. My oldest son was 9 at the time of the Divorce. My little one was 4. I remarried in '01. My ex-wife remarried in '02. The 1st yr. we had the boys 50% of the time. My new wife and I worked very hard blending our new family, now with 4 kids total in the house. The kids all got along very well and loved each other. It was so awesome. However, to all our dismay, the 2nd yr. My ex-wife changed the schedual to 3 weekends a month and a wed. evening dinner. The boys were very upset by this huge change. Little did they know that this was only the begining. My ex-wife's new husband had told me several times he did not like the kids having 2 families and 2 homes. He informed me of his intentions to take the kids from me. When this occurred, my ex-wife made him apologize to me and she assured me that nothing would happen and I would always be the boys dad. The boys witnessed all this. Then, suddenly, it seemed all hell broke loose. My oldest was told "The Truth" by his mom July of '03. At that time the kids and I were promised to have our relationship kept in tact. However, in October of '03 my ex- sent me a nasty e-mail letter explaining my new relationship with the kids as no longer being "Dad" along with a list of her "rules" to abide by in order to continue seeing the boys. I was also informed of her new husbands plans of adopting the boys. The boys were made to call me by my first name and their stepfather dad. The next day we obtained a lawyer in hopes of establishing rights for the boys. Our system failed them miserably. The financial cost became too great of a burden and after about 9 months and no progress we had to give it up. There has been no where to turn for help. She has all the rights in the world. The right to abuse her kids? My wife periodically checks the web to see if anything new and helpful is there. Just last night she found your site and read about (HAP) from the Family Conflict Resolution Services group of Canada. Finally, an answer to our prayers. My current wife and I are beside ourselves with grief and pain. I raised these boys from birth. I was the first to hold them, and I was their main caregiver as my self emplyment as a carpet cleaner allowed me more time with them. They are my children. We had a beautiful, loving, healthy relationship. It's been forever damaged because of my Ex's hateful, abusive behavior. We have had very few monitored visits over the last few years. We were presented with a proposal to continue these unwarranted, ridiculous monitored visits. I chose to decline their offer, as I feel I don't deserve to be treated like a criminal. All our phone conversations were monitored as well. Right now I'm completely cut off from my children. The police called me just yesterday telling me he will arrest me for calling my children. It's the law in Oregon. We need all the help we can get. I'm so grateful to have found you. You and the Family Conflict Resolution Services Of Canada have been a God send. My wife and I want to help and get help ASAP. The good news is their evil plan isn't working, because my son contacted me on his own in January. We spoke for an hour and a half. Unmonitored. Finally he was himself, natural and unihibited. The next weekend we met for a visit @ Dairy Queen with out the parents permission. I know this was risky, but we were desperate to see each other. I hadn't seen him since last April. My son told me I'm his dad and he does not call his stepfather dad. We hugged and comforted one another with assurances of continuing our relationship. I told him it was unwise to have secret calls and meetings. He said he would try to convince them of returning our visits. But we know what the outcome will be. No visits. My son told me they are afraid I will turn him against them. We all think they are crazy. My son is angry at them and spoke of running away. His grades are bad. He needs help right now. I fear he will do something rash. Please give us some advice.

My Story : The mother of my twin little girls has hid the children from me for over 12 years. They have no idea who I am or that I even exsist. I pay child support each and every month and yet still have no idea where they are. I have hired several attorneys to find these missing girls, but the mother moves every time I get close. I can only imagine the life these children must have changing schools and moving every 6 months. The State of Oregon refuses to help in finding her and now she has moved to Washington State. I am frustrated with the whole system. I have to provide health care and child support for children I have not seen in over 12 years. How is this fair?

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