Parental Alienation
Awareness Organization

My Story : Hello, I am a mother who battles everyday to talk to her three children. I lost my children in a custody battle that was filled with lies. I had visitation only with my three children. When that was compromised I tried my best to fight harder. The harder I pushed the harder my ex-husband and his family pushed. In 2003 I moved away from Chicago back to my hometown of Los Angeles - my family unit is here as well as a good job. I got another attorney and fought for my visitiation. When I did that my exhusband would not allow me to speak to my children on the phone and blocked any weekend time with them. I eventually won three weeks in the summer - but I have to post $10,000 cash in a joint savings account with my attorney to insure the children will be returned to their father. I went back last summer and won an additional week in the summer - but still have to post the money. My exhusband lives in the house he was raised in with his parents and he does not have a job. The children want to live with me and visit him. They do not understand why this is the way it is and they are teased at school by the other kids because their dad does not have a job and still lives with his parents. I just tell them that the other kids don't understand. I want so badly to be with my children - I cry every night and wonder what else I can do. I am so lucky to have been with them this Mother's Day. That was the best present I could have had. Loving them and laughing with them. What more could a mother want?

My Story : in a nut shell I have been fighting this for 6 years. march 16 2001 is the date she started in earnest. Since then I have not seen my daughter without a fight. I lost my grand children to it. The usual tactics except as I see now my daughter was a strong one. I since the beginning of may have been seeing my daughter infact she chose my side of the family for mother's day her abuser was powerless. This was mainly through her own STUPIDITY. She tried to have me arested for atempting a visitation within the order of the court. She dragged that on for 18 months and chased off my 2nd wife. I won several decicive orders in court and her criminal charges were totally against the higher court. The judge near jailed her. To no avail she had me arested at gunpoint in my own house 2 months later . again total violation of the court. This time the police stopped believing her and must have tried to charge her. The daughter after losing out on seeing dad for the 3rd Christmas started taking liberties. It has sped ahead since then

My Story : MY STORY INVOLVES LIVERPOOL CITY COUNCIL SOCIAL SERVICES, AND I THINK IT IS THE SICKEST STORY I HAVE EVER COME ACROSS. On the 21 march 2003 my son who was then 4 was involved in a HIT AND RUN accident in a park. He was then taken to Alder Hey Childrens Hospital in liverpool to A&E where the nurses confirmed that he had suffered a broken leg and a gash to his eyebrow, he then had some x-rays taken. After this we were taken to ward m3 sister w. attended to us. It took 28 hours and nil by mouth for my son to go to theatre and whilst this delay unknown to me the staff were compiling a dossier of me and my behaviour. Come the monday morning 24 march 2003 as i was about to leave the hospital the CHILD PROTECTION TEAM came and said they had an EMERGENCY PROTECTION ORDER, and i wasnt going any were that my son who i had never left since he was born never had a babysitter apart from his grandmother he was taken into care LCC SS. When i got home my other two babies who were only 2 and 10 months old had also been taken from our beautiful clean home and off the nan, into care also. Then my ordeal and nightmare started the fabricated report at alder hey had conveniently instigated legal proceedings. It has gone from a care order , to a residance order for my ex husband to have my oldest son ( the other 2 are not his) and they are on a FREEING ORDER to be adopted, but i have recently been informed that the order has now expired and my childrens placement has broken down in march, this now gives me an opportunity to reapply for parental responsibility. But when i went to court in february C.J. R. who has reserved the case to herself refused to revoke the freeing order even though its expired and still will not reinstate supervised contact (its against the childrens human rights to be denied this) has now not ordered because she cant, but made it clear she will CLOSE THE CASE IF I DO NOT GIVE HER AN ASSESSMENT BY A PSYCOLOGIST, AN EXPERT FROM THE COURT AND OREDERED I HAVE TO SEE HIM ALONE ? So therefore i have no option, even though barrister have said why has this judge not reviewed the case after 3 years what have i done for her to ask this, she was fully aware that the report from the hospital was inconsistant and fabricated in it , it stated THAT I HAD BEEN SECTIONED UNDER THE MENTAL HEALTH ACT ON NUMBEROUS OCCASSIONS, AND THAT MY CHILDREN WERE ON AN AT RISK REGISTER BOTH OF THESE STATEMENTS WERE PROVEN TO BE FALSE but the judges said they dont care my children will remain with ss. Within the next week i have agreed to adhere to this assessment albeit everyone has begged me not to get it done as its only for her to justify the case, at present all this case consist of is false allegations, the only excuse the ss have is that i may be a POTENTIAL RISK meaning they have NO EVIDANCE. The judgement for this case is to be July 19 at liverpool family courts and i shall then find out if she intends to ADOPT my precious children or not, i shall not stop and give up fighting for my children and even sell my house for private detectives to keep me informed of my childrens wereabout etc. At the moment i am trying to stay positive and hope the outcome will be that my children are returned on some sort of an order there are lots she can give.

My Story : I have a brother and a sister that I grew up not knowing. When I was old enough, I was told the truth about this family in Canada (we are in the US) that I never met. My father's ex wife had cheated on him, and when confronted decided to leave with their 2 children- a boy and a girl. Their mother moved them a thousand miles across the country, and moved between family member's homes in order to hide them from my father. He did what any man almost 30 years ago would have done- he gave up. There were no laws on his side. When we finally met these kids, they were late teens. Sullen, already drinking, smoking, and on drugs- that their mother had introduced them to. She blamed their misfortunes on my father, claiming he left them, hated them, didn't want them, wouldn't pay child support so left them destitute. She claimed he was living it up in Florida with his new family, who were practically rolling in money. We were pretty poor ourselves, including at one point getting food from churches. But my mom and dad (he adopted me when I was 2, does that seem like a guy who doesn't "want" children?), worked hard and worked their way up to middle to upper-middle class. Once my two siblings were adults and found out my parents had money, they started contact at the urging of their mother. The boy moved down here, and was given a house, cars, and money as well as job training by my father. The girl was sent several thousands of dollars for school, cars, apartments, and medical expenses. When they finally got so deep into drugs- with all the money they were given- that they couldn't hide it anymore, they finally told my father everything. That they hated him. That he owed them everything he had because he left them. That they wished him dead, and our family as well. They have not been back, nor do they contact my dad anymore. My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship. Knowing what my parents went though with my dad's kids, I wanted to support my husband in maintaining contact with his daughter. We managed this well enough- IF his ex was in a good mood, and not dating someone. My husband had "reasonable" visitation, but that meant whenever his ex felt like it. As soon as she got a boyfriend, he was the new "daddy" and my husband was out of the picture. My husband was addressed by his child by his first name only. She was told her daddy was dead from age 3, but her mother claims she thought that up all on her own. His ex told me it was "cute" when she called her boyfriend's daddy When his ex finally met her husband when his daughter was 6, all contact ceased with us (who she had been interacting with several times a week by then). She stopped contact, told my husband he couldn't see his daughter anymore, and moved out of state. For almost a year my husband paid his child support to the state, yet didn't know where it was going. They wouldn't tell him. Then it was Christmas time, and his ex allowed his daughter to call us from her cell phone- which was local. Through conversation, we learned that his daughter was living about 5 minutes from us with her grandparents, while her mother was living with her new husband and baby in another state from anywhere from a month to three months while she was in the hospital with childbirth complications. When confronted about this after she came back on the phone, his ex informed him that this was the last time he was going to talk to his daughter. She told him that she and her new husband had a lawyer and he was to sign over his parental rights or he would be put in jail (for what?) She said her new husband was going to adopt his daughter, and that was the way it was going to be whether he liked it or not. He was going to be "reported for abandonment". This is when I stepped in financially, and contacted no less than *8* different lawyers before one would say he had any sort of case. I finally took out a second mortgage in order to pay court costs for a lawyer. Despite the multiple contempt charges, with moving out of state and refusing vistitation and refusing to even let him know where his daughter was for nearly a year, his ex was not punished at all. In fact, the only thing court accomplished was raising child support to 40% of my husband's income based on imputing statutes, and telling them they needed to go to mediation. They did, for 5 hours, with even the mediator wondering why she was so unmoving in setting up a schedule, since this is what she claimed my husband had never wanted to do even though she said she tried to encourage it in the past. Luckily, the ex's husband seems to be a pretty reasonable person. He has encouraged the contact that the ex says my husband never wanted. I think that some people on her side are seeing now that if all my husband had to do was call and ask to see his daughter like she claimed, he never would have taken her to court. She also has shown him some of her psychotic behavior, such as violent outbursts and threatening suicide in front of my step-daughter that her new husband has witnessed. Before that he believed that she was always a victim. She has also been caught in several minor lies, which at least shows her nature, if not affecting visitation. We believe he is the reason she takes her medication as well. I firmly believe that if it weren't for her current husband, we would still be in and out of court every couple of months like we were for the first year. Now that my step daughter is a regular part of our and our new daughter's lives, I know I did the right thing in supporting my husband. I know some people would have told him to give up, and sign away his rights. I knew what *could* happen when a dad gives up, and I didn't want that to happen to my step-daughter or husband. We are deeply in debt, and our lawyer removed herself from his case due to illness, and we just have not had the money to find another. My husband is afraid to take her to court for joint legal custody, and to modify visitation on paper the changes she has agreed to verbally. He is worried that he will not only lose some visitation, but that child support will go up for a 3rd time in 3 years. His ex still maintains that my husband is not a good father. That he is "only a part-time dad", and other derogitory remarks. We never say a bad word about her, hoping that in time my step-daughter will realize what all has happened. I know that I will not hide the books on co-parenting that we purchased as she gets older. So she can see that we have tried some of the recommended tactics to maintaining contact, and that we weren't trying to persecute her mother in the process (as she, of course, constantly claims).

My Story : I don't even know where to begin. The divorce was never my idea. When I realized I had no say in the matter, I simply wanted to remain as close to my children as I could. But my former wife, bent on total destruction of me, set about on a course of action to destroy my relationship with my children and among my son and daughter that continues today fully ten years later. She fostered an acrimonious relationship between my son and daughter. She openly favored my daughter and scorned my son. My attempts through the courts, social services, volunteer organizations and the schools were all met with the same response, "...its the system..." Judges, lawyers, police and social workers have all admitted to me "...its the system..." My children are getting older now. My daughter is a sophmore in college and remains distant. My son a junior in high school may graduate despite his mother's refusal to participate in his education. I remain horribly shocked by what my children and I have been forced to endure. I am attempting to initiate a grass roots interest at the local political level. The issue must be corrected at the level of the local court system, or through local legislation. I want to help and I want others to help. This dirty little secret must be brought out into the open.

My Story :My two children were abducted to japan. Im not really good at writing letters but you can share it with other people. Right now I'm having difficulty because no one is helping me. Some help that I got before, most of them, just took my money. I live in Australia, and due to a bad decision by a certain judge, I lost my two children. The Australian government won't do anything. I've contacted the prime minister, politicians, local members, legal aide, federal police, even the media. Right now my court order has expired and I'm still having diffuculty renewing it. I knew that when my ex-wife tried to take our two children she wouldn't come back. She took me to court and the family court went her way. The court has stopped me from protecting my kids and now they are gone. Some links to my story: http://www.crnjapan.com/articles/2005/en/20050612-smqld-dads_vigil_for_stolen_sons.html http://www.hugurkids.com/content/view/69/32/ http://frij.net/m/messagedetails.asp?TopicID=67 I really want to spread my story hoping one day my two children will see it and know the truth. Thank you

My Story : I separated when my son was 5 m.o. I was attacked after a few words and I counter attacked stronger and stronger. Every time I was repeatedly attacked. After that I left my house because I knew respect had been broken to its final point. My son stayed with his Mum and since then she has been trying for all manners to put me away from his life. I had to look for justice on the tribunals because at a certain point she did not allow me to see him. But what I found is that justice system does not mean justice. I always was a good father. It was I that would take him for vaccines. I would not ever loose a visit to M.D. I always woke up when he was crying at dawn. Even after they prohibited me to see him, I use to go every afternoon to the nursery when I came to spend the whole afternoon with him, as I was retired at the time. Then she decided to take a MSc in a city 320Km away when he was just 1 and a half y.o.. I had not ever missed a single visitation on alternate weekends that justice gave us. I used to travel on Fridays at 6a.m. picked him up at noon, came back at 2p.p. (she did not ever give him before 12 in order that I could get the 12 clock bus back home), and I used to travel to deliver him to her on Mondays at 6a.m. and returned home again at 12 making 1300Km every two weeks for 3 years. Finally she married someone from England, and she is now living in UK. I call him every week and after a few minutes talking he always says to me they have to go to the super market. I can feel sadness in his voice. He says he does not like England, he hates the food and he does not ever visit a friend. Here he used to visit friends or he was visited almost every day. He is in England with a tourist visa and so he was not supposed to study. I believe he is somehow illegal. I do not know at what school he is registered neither when he will come to see me. But I am quite sure the day when he will be able to choose and decide he will come to me because we have developed such a strong relationship that no one will be able to break, even his Mum who is doing her best to keep me away. I love you my son. My thoughts are always with you. www.apase.org.br

My Story : My website is at www.tinyurl.com/66vo2 Please take the time to read my story and check my site out In the Bill For Children's Rights of Divorce under paragraph 3,13 and 17. It states the child(ren) have the right to reasonable and continued access and contact to the natural parent(s) and extended family,without the interferce of the other parent.In the case of child apprension,CPS/MCFD assumes the role of parent. HIGHLIGHTS TYPED OUT FROM A RECENT PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSESSMENT: PG 41 PARA 1: MS E. HAS ONLY 3 HOUR VISITATION TWICE A MONTH - ONE CAN CONCLUDE THAT DISABLED OR,ANY SINGLE PARENT WOULD BE CHALLENGED WITH THIS ACCESS. MORE FREQUENT AND LONGER PERIODS OF ACCESS THAT PERMIT ROUTINES AND NORMAL. PARENT - CHILD INTERACTION WORK BEST FOR CHILDREN VISITING THEIR NONRESIDENTIAL PARENT, IF THAT PARENT IS RESPONSIBLE. PG 42 PARA 2: ATTACHMENT OF THE BOYS TO THEIR MOTHER IS CERTAIN, AND HER DESIRE TO BE A HANDS ON PARENT IS CLEAR, AS IS HER INTELLECTUAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL CAPACITY. PG 42 PARA 3: MS E. HAS EXPERIENCED THE HELPLESSNESS AND FRUSTRATION OF BEING DEPENDANT UPON MCFD FOR SEEING HER CHILDREN, AND AT THE SAME TIME, HAVING NO COMMUNICATIONS OR CONNECTION WITH THE FOSTER PARENT, WHO WORKS MORE CLOSELY WITH MCFD THAN SHE DOES. Ms. E. APPEARS TOBE RELATIVELY HEALTHY EMOTIONALLY, HER ANGER IS UNDERSTANDABLE AND SHE HAS FOCUSED IT IN CONSTRUCTIVE WAYS. PG 110 (c) Dr. S.H., PhD: Psychological Report: Parenting Capacity of Ms. E.. (October 10,2000) (i) Ms. E's History. Dr. H's very thorough history of Ms. E. puts many of her behaviours into perspective, but as a survivor rather than a victim of her medical, family, and social struggles. Ms. E., today (2005), must be seen as a successful person striving to have as full a life for herself and her children as possible. Neither neglect, physical/sexual/emotional abuse, nor physical disabilities predict inevitable psychological dysfunction. Studies of survivors show that individuals have a unique response to trauma "that is the complex interplay between life experiences and the developing self (McCann & Pearlman, 1990). Dr. H's Mental Status Exam of Ms. E. indicated normal functioning. PG 116 1) ASSUMED DIFFICULTIES DUE TO DISABILITY. 2) REASONING,ANALYTICAL SKILLS EXCELLENT. 5) COMMENT ON UNDUE STESS MS.E. IS/HAS BEEN SUBJECT TO. 6) MS. E. IS A SURVIVOR - NORMAL FUNCTIONING. 7) NO DISORDERS OF DIFFICULTIES,PSYCHOLOGICAL. PG 120 2.6) LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY OF MCFD. 3.3) FOSTEWRPARENTS' DISDAINFUL ATTITUDE TOWARDS MS E. 3.4) SHE DESIRES MORE POSITIVE RESPECTFUL ARRANGEMENTS WITH OTHER CAREGIVERS. PG 122 5) ATTACHMENTS CONFIRMED. 5.5) BOYS PROUD OF THEIR MOTHER. PG 155 KEY PASSAGE 20.14) MOTHER NEEDS HELP, BOYS NEED THEIR MOTHER. PG 156 4) MCFD'S FOCUS ON BLAME,SHORTCOMINGS (REAL AND ASSUMED) RATHER THAN ON STRENGTHS. MORE MONEY SPENT ON KEEPING THIS MOTHER SEPERATE FROM HER CHILDREN THAN ON PROVIDING APPROPRIATE ASSESSMENTS/SERVICES OF SUPPORT TEAM.//MY STORY IS AS FOLLOWED// I am a 39 year old mother with a disability. My first child was born May 14,1990. My twins were born Sept 25,1996. From June 1990 till this date my children have been repeatedly apprehended.We live in Courtenay,BC,Canada.The only crime I have ever commited is of having ataxia and a tracheotomy.There has never been any evidence of any type of abuse. I have been repeatedly labeled with neglect.For the simple fact that I can not run after the twins or project my voice loud enough. I have in the past succeeded in my court cases,until Febuary of 2002.My oldest son was placed in continuing care in Febuary 2002,because a couple years earlier I was basically forced to sign a voluntary care agreement.I was told by the social worker at the time,that I either place him in voluntary care or she would apprehend all three boys.In Febuary of 2002,my twins were returned to my custody.Only to have them reapprehended a few months later.My twins were placed in continuing care in November of 2004. In November of 2002,I was given a court order allowing me 4 hours once a week unsupervised with my oldest son.Since my twins were apprehended in June of 2002,I had varied visits lasting from once a week to 4 days a week for a few hours at a time.Since the court case in November of 2004.My visits and access has been limited to once a month for 2 hours.Even though I was invited by the judge to apply for reasonable access. I ALSO NEED TO MENTION,IN THIS COURT CASE THAT EVEN THE MCFD'S WITNESSES EVEN TESTIFIED THE MOTHER AND CHILDREN LOVE EACHOTHER AND THERE IS/WAS NO EVIDIDENCE OF ABUSE. I have a appeal in the supreme court set for August 2005 for my appeal to be heard and a access order to be heard in family court. On April 14,2005 in the social workers office.She had stated in front of myself and my 2 local advocates,that there was every intention of putting boys up for adoption and the appeal before the courts had no weight on their intentions.But then after a hour of discussion,she agreed to increase my access to 2 visits a month for 3 hours. Now (Feb/06)months later this limited access. My acces has been further limited to 2 hrs twice a month. My next court date is set for June 7/06. Eventhough s.15 and s.55 in the BC legislation and Children,Family Services Act discribes how there is a obligation by MCFD and other government agencies to put proper supports as needed into the home to keep the paramount family optics in place.This has never been properly done. It seems that to MCFD it is somehow prudent to place children in care,where it costs thousands of dollars a month. Than to keep the children in the home of a loving parent, where it would cost a fraction of that money to put proper supports in the home. IF YOU ARE A ADVOCATE FOR DISABLED PARENTS,I COULD CERTAINLY USE YOUR ASSISTANCE.YOUR ASSISTANCE WILL BE A ADDED BENEFIT TO THE ASSISTANCE I ALREADY HAVE.THIS DELAY IS NOT JUSTICE TO MY CHILDREN.

My Story : I'm divorced 5 years now and I want to tell you that your organization's bringing awareness of the problem of parental alienation is a great first step. But once again, as we so often see in divorce, we are making one parent into the bad guy and the other into the victim. Most divorce cases by far have no good guy or bad guy, just two very hurt, angry and fearful people. The tendency of one parent to attempt to alienate the other parent is just a reaction, maybe to his or her own fear, maybe to angry or hurtful posturing by their ex. Divorce is scary. We are afraid of losing everything, but believe me the reality is not so bad as we fear. We feel powerless, but the emotional intensity we feel is strong and terrifying to others, particularly our exes. Truth be told, if one parent is being alienated, more often than not, he/she is also doing a bit of alienating and blaming of the other. Think how this makes your kids suffer! My own parents stayed married throughout my childhood, but that didn't stop them from alienating each other. "Your mother ... blah, blah, blah" and "Your ... father blah!" What I felt when they said these things was that _I_ was bad. I'm half my mother and half my father after all. If one of them is terrible, then I must be terrible too. Now I tell my daughter that her beautiful long eyelashes and her thick hair and her outgoing nature come from her Dad. I tell her she's lucky to have a Dad that spends so much time with her and takes her places. I point out to her little things that he does. I do these things because I know that she identifies with him and because I believe them. Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll look bad, that he won't say nice things about me and I'll be the bad guy, but I let that go. My daughter will judge us for herself one day. I just hope that she believes in me when she's all grown up. I read a study a few years ago of college age children with divorced parents. Most of them rated their closeness with both parents as higher than children of married parents who identified more with one. That's what we as parents are trying to provide for our kid. Still, having been through the divorce process and sharing as close to equal parenting with my ex (and his new wife) as possible, I can see how even in a "friendly" divorce, the temptation to alienate or to just grab the kid and run is strong. The first years are painful. We don't like being hurt and afraid and angry, so we act out. Believe me though, if you persevere and behave as if you're not hurting or angry or afraid, and can even risk letting your ex look good or better than you by telling the kids about good qualities he or she has, your rewards will be great. Think about it. By telling your children about their mom or dad's good qualities, you're telling them about themselves. If your ex knows that you want him/her in your child's life, that you know that your children will be happiest with BOTH parents in their lives, then who knows? You might all be better off, which is hopefully your goal. Keep in mind that of all the people in the world, your child's other parent is the ONLY person who loves and cares for your child(ren) as much as you do. When I'm having a tough time saying goodbye to my kid, whether she's off for her regular stint at Daddy's or going on a week long vacation, that's what I remember. Please make a place in your organization that let's everyone know that they are responsible for the alienation as much as they are victimized by it. When we have children, we become truly grown up and we must work hard to act like it, even when it hurts.

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My Story : (as my ex-wife and her husband, being 2 people, told the cops a different version.) I gave up on visitation, as my wife moved again without telling me. I couldn't find where my son was. I went to court, and her lawyer was prepared to file a recommendation that all visitation be ended based on that last trumped up assault charge. I asked for a continuance, walked out of the stupid courtroom and never went back. I have had no contact with my son for nearly 4 years. Letters go unanswered. Phone calls go unanswered.... Matthew 18:6

I married a woman with 7 children in 1997, we had a child together in 1997. I adopted the 7th child in 2002, a month before my wife threw me out claiming I was "abusive" to her and the kids. I have 2 legal kids I see 2 nights a week. I have 6 step kids with whom I have lost contact and visitation. Without restraint, legal or ethical, my ex-spouse thoroughly alienates the 6 step step-kids. The situation is very complex, but the simple of it is it hurts my legal children as well. Here are some actions over the last four years: After five years as the de facto father to teenage step kids, I thought I would reassure them on the day I was forced out of the house and slapped with an injunction order to have no contact with my wife. I had been their personal advisor and mentor in many ways. I helped my teeage stepson get his Eagle Scout, ecnouraged him in school football, drama and band, etc. I helped my teenage daughters with music lessons, harp, percussion, and voice, school swimming and dive team, chorus, graphic arts, and scholastics. Attended and cheered them in drama events, as costume coordinator or scenic painter. Supported them in as they served as youth leaders in Church, etc. I hleped my younger stepsons with cub scouts, five pinewood derby cars, 4 raingutter sail boats, little league baseball, school events and activities, scholastics, homework, and father-son campouts. I helped the older kids get their first-ever jobs, keep banking accounts, etc. So, at first chance, I stopped at their work locations, not able to see them at my home - where I was restrained - and told them I was sorry for the turmoil of the last few days and asked how they were getting on. All three of the older teenagers welcomed me, were concerned for my wellfare, and expressed wishes tht the mess would go away. Days later, a motion was filed and denied to include ALL the children on the injunction. There after, any reference to the step and natural children in legal correspondance claimed none of the children wanted ANY contact from me. After getting court ordered visitation with my two "legal" children, the stories got worse. In additional visits to my step kids, they reported I was "violating laws" and was not to contact them at all. This is what they had been told. It was not true. As the situation grew worse, all trouble was my fault. I pleaed to go to counseling and work on matters, but was flatly refused. Then the step children are told I abandonded them when divorce proceeded. When I first received my two "legal' children after a court order establishing visitation, they were visibly afraid and warned me, "Daddy, why did you hit Mommy. If you do it again, you will have to go to jail." I never ever physically abused anyone in my life, never hit my spouse or any woman. I was guilty of being easily agitated and anxious when my income fell in half, being angry and intimidating when I felt my wife's refusal to stop spending and refusal to support me in my economic slump. I was seeking therapy for the same in the middle of all this. After coordinating through attorneys to have my name taken off the house power, and my ex-wife to set up her own account, the power goes off one night. My kids call me and ask, "Why did you turn of the power Daddy?" Then, my wife's lover was discovered. He moved into my home and bed three months after my departure. Mom pulled all the kids out of church, against their protest, cut all ties to mutual friends, and cited the Church members and friends were abusing her and her family. She fought to keep the house with my continuing to pay for it, and then one week after working out an arrangement, she jumped out of the house and moved into a luxury apartment where rent equalled the house payments. I then was left to sell the house after affecting many many repairs to recent troubles. I kicked the family out of ther home, so the kids were told. My kids go to day care, even when they could come to me, on many days when I am working out of home, as I have for twelve years. All household members have been istructed NOT to answer the phone if I call, even though I have court ordered "unrestricted telephone" contact with my kids. My youngest step son was absolutely terrified of me when I first began to see him at the day care he attended in common with my "legal' children. After six slow months of patience, we chat and share storeis regularly again, as we did when I was his step father. He had been convinced I used to choke him and beat him - so I was a "mean man." It helped that most of the day care kids altered his opinion in time, as they all knew me well. I often visit the day care to visit my kids after school, and most of the other kids there know me well. Well, there are many many more, but I think the gist of this is evident.

My children have been a victim of Parent Alienation now for six years. A friend of mine saw this article in the Goodhue area News Record and thought of me right away. I was so amazed that the article was in the paper let alone there was someone who knew what we have been going through. This has been devasting for the kids and myself. I haven't seen my daughter now for over eight months because of her father as he brainwashes and manipulates her. He has been trying to do the same thing to my son. He continually tells the children that the child support is for them to use as they want. He told my daughter that it was for her to buy a new truck and was also her college fund money. She is 16 now and is disobeying the court orders by staying at her fathers house when she is supposed to be living with me, six houses away. She has been told she does not have to do what the judge says. She is an outstanding athlete and was honored on telelvision in March. My son is also an outstanding athlete at age 14, however their father is coaching up to three of their school sports. He does not work at the school but has worked his way into this position. He has a business in town so he can take off when he wants to to coach, etc. He told my son the child support was for him to go to an 800 camp which i cannot afford as a single mother but manipulated my son to blame me over this. My ex has brought many motions to the court regarding child support and custody, he has lost all of them but has continually taken me to court for the past six years. He is married and has a baby due anyday. He also owns his own home, a business and a boat and they go on many vacations with the kids. He has been held in contempt many times for not paying child support. He is always at least 700 behind but I am suppose to pay for all the extra cirricular for the kids. I am struggling financially. I would love to take my children on a vacation. I just recently have talked to my daughter, she is hurting and I am worried about her. We have a Parenting Time Exbititor coming to help but the ex did not pay his share so I have to find a way to pay her, she is most likely going to request for the Investigation. My ex received a letter from the court requesting the exbiditor money to start the process, he stole mine letter out of my mailbox so i did not know of this until just this past friday when i called to find out why they have not contacted me. He has had this letter for over a month, they sent it on March 23 and he still has not paid his share. I have been going crazy waiting for the exbiditor to start because there is no letting up with this guy. . He has keyed two of my vehicles and has lied to the community, the judges, his wife, his family, the kids, etc about who I am in hopes that he can turn them all against me. I have had a very tough time over the past twenty years. Because he disobeys every order I had over 40k in lawyer bills, the end result, I had to file bankruptcy which then he told everyone about. I tried to make it work with him but after being mentally and physically abused i finally wanted out and I think this is his way of holding on. If he can see me cry or see me hurt in the courtroom i think that gives him the pleasure he is looking for. If my daughter doesn't talk to me then that also gives him pleasure. I cannot get any relief from this guy, he has cost me a job because he would not take the kids in to have their braces tightened or to go to the doctor for anything, he told the children that they were not allowed to ask grandma or anyone else that I had to take them. As a result of taking to many days off of work I was let go. I have been at my new job now for over a year but I am still hurting. I miss my relationship with my daughter and I am always worried about what the ex is saying to my children. After coaching or a game, he will drop my son back off at home when he feels like it, he will make him sit in the car outside my home for a long period of time discussing????? Then my son comes in to the house and is quiet, confused or upset. He is working him everyday as he is there for practice coaching, if it is a sport he does not coach he picks him up right after practice before i can get there, or he goes to watch him at practice and takes him right afterwards and brings him home when he is done talking to him. Then he calls the house repeatedly and talks to him on the phone. There have been days when he has spoken to my son for over a half an hour four times within one day. He is there everyday, after school. He takes the children on ALL holidays, he has been doing that for some time now, he convinces then that it is way more fun to go where all their cousins would be. He has made my son call me and say that they cannot go to a special place in a different town where all the cousins will be staying the night and swimming unless i agreee to let him have the kids the entire spring break vacation. My son had to call me, he was crying he wanted to go to swimming on his dads' weekend with his cousins but was told he could not go unless he called me and convinced me to let the kids stay with him for the spring break when it was my time. My son was so upset and so was I, I agreed so my son would not cry and have a good rest of the day. I missed them when they were gone. I have no family here except for my kids as i moved from another state here with my ex to raise the children in a town where he grew up with all of his family. The family members on his side have watched and listiend to him lie in court, but they have told all the kids in the family that they are not to talk to me. A few of the kids do now as my son has them over to play games. My ex gets angry if anyone he knows in town, talks to me. Many people side with him but it is because he isn't honest with them. Some of his friends have made comments about how my daughter hasn't seen me or wants nothing to do with me. This is not true. She is confused, she is hurting and it isn't right. This kind of child abuse is torture. This is also torture to me as their mother. I have been trying to explain this to the court system and they can see how bad this really is but representing myself I thought was the problem. But now I am starting to wonder if they knew it was Parental Alienation all along. I love my children, I do not want to live in the town, six houses away from my ex but I am there so the kids can have a stable upbringing with their friends and one school. I have always given their father way more time with the kids than what the decree has allowed but that isn't good enough. I need help, I have been asking the courts and looking for organizations to help me. I have been crushed by the hatred, my daughter wouldn't even look at me if i came to watch her compete, that is how bad he has brainwashed and manipulated these kids. I realize that you will be altering this letter, that is fine, I just want you to know that I am very thankful that you are here. Everyday there is an issue. I just want my children to be happy and to have some peace in our lives. I love my kids. I miss my daughter, she has not even stayed one night in my house since I moved in back in November of 05. I am so depressed and I know my daughter is getting there. I am not informed when the parent teacher conferences are either, my ex's new wife has a stepmom that works at the school, I do not get any news letters or anything regarding their conferences. My ex husband also calls my son on my weekend and asks him to go with him to do things my son LOVES to do. This puts me on the spot. I could go on and on with way more detail but i am totally drianed. I really need someone to help us. It is really difficult to just go thru a day and try to work and keep my mind on my job when my children are going through all of this. Please help.

My Story : My husband and I adopted two children from Chile. I was 39 at the time and unable to conceive a natural child. This was my second marriage and my husband's third. My husband had two children by previous marriages. I had one. After 10 years of marriage my husband became distant and eventually he divorced me. We were both teachers in the same school. Big mistake. It was devastating to have my personal life known at my workplace. During the divorce, I felt a change in my children's behavior. An almost negative feeling toward me and suspicious of me. As the divorce continued we needed a guardian ad litem to intercede because my children were negative toward me. When the divorce was final, the real bizarre behavior began. The children started telling me they hated me. They avoided my friends. They started calling me by my first name rather than Mom. They made excuses why they couldn't be with me. They started stealing from the house when they visited with me. I was devastated by their lack of love for me. My ex would yell at me on the phone, "They hate you" "can't you get it through your head they don't want to be with you. I went to the police to enforce the joint custody arrangement. That seemed to escalate the name calling. Finally I retreated. I could not take the verbal and emotional abuse, not only by the girls , but also by my ex. He changed his number so that I could not call them. We were ordered by the court and guardian to go to family therapy. My ex refused. Financially I was not able to keep dragging him back into court, for violating the divorce decree. I decided to attend counseling myself. As I started telling my story to my counselor, he interrupted me and asked if I had ever heard of Parental Alienation Syndrome. I had not. He told me to look it up because I was a classic case of PAS. As I read the literature and books I was shocked. It's my story! The only part of all of the criteria I did not experience was the allegation of child abuse. But, every single other criteria on the list I had experienced. I printed out the symptoms and descriptions and tried to reason with my ex's family, showing what he was up to. No success. It has been 5 years since the divorce. My oldest is graduating from high school, and I have asked if I could attend. She said "No" Again devastation. The younger child, as predicted in PAS, has been in serious trouble; shop lifting, setting fires, threats etc. A definite result of the mess my ex has created. I never stopped sending cards, letters presents to my two girls, never once receiving one back. Just recently, when my oldest e-mailed me that she did not want me at her graduation, I e-mailed her back. Now her story is I wasn't there for them so I don't deserve to come to her graduation. This is a complete turn around. First they won't let me see them. and now they hold it against me for not seeing them. Brainwashed? Yes. Believe me, my ex could have been a trainer of Hitler's Youth Core, the children trained to hate and kill their parents. My ex is a teacher. I am appalled at his behavior. He brags to people "I have the Kids" as if this is a prize. I'm hoping that now that my oldest is 18, she might be smart enough to figure out the lies from the truth. I'm not sure though that it will take place. I still hope.

My Story : I was with my Ex. for 12 years. We were married for 8 yrs. when she decided to leave the marriage and a few months later, informed me that my two boys were not mine biologically. She promised me that the boys would always be mine. As you could imagine I was in duress over all this and pretty much decided to move on as quickly as possible and obtained a divorce a few months later, foolishly giving up my parenting rights. Because she promised I would always be their dad, I believed her. My oldest son was 9 at the time of the Divorce. My little one was 4. I remarried in '01. My ex-wife remarried in '02. The 1st yr. we had the boys 50% of the time. My new wife and I worked very hard blending our new family, now with 4 kids total in the house. The kids all got along very well and loved each other. It was so awesome. However, to all our dismay, the 2nd yr. My ex-wife changed the schedual to 3 weekends a month and a wed. evening dinner. The boys were very upset by this huge change. Little did they know that this was only the begining. My ex-wife's new husband had told me several times he did not like the kids having 2 families and 2 homes. He informed me of his intentions to take the kids from me. When this occurred, my ex-wife made him apologize to me and she assured me that nothing would happen and I would always be the boys dad. The boys witnessed all this. Then, suddenly, it seemed all hell broke loose. My oldest was told "The Truth" by his mom July of '03. At that time the kids and I were promised to have our relationship kept in tact. However, in October of '03 my ex- sent me a nasty e-mail letter explaining my new relationship with the kids as no longer being "Dad" along with a list of her "rules" to abide by in order to continue seeing the boys. I was also informed of her new husbands plans of adopting the boys. The boys were made to call me by my first name and their stepfather dad. The next day we obtained a lawyer in hopes of establishing rights for the boys. Our system failed them miserably. The financial cost became too great of a burden and after about 9 months and no progress we had to give it up. There has been no where to turn for help. She has all the rights in the world. The right to abuse her kids? My wife periodically checks the web to see if anything new and helpful is there. Just last night she found your site and read about (HAP) from the Family Conflict Resolution Services group of Canada. Finally, an answer to our prayers. My current wife and I are beside ourselves with grief and pain. I raised these boys from birth. I was the first to hold them, and I was their main caregiver as my self emplyment as a carpet cleaner allowed me more time with them. They are my children. We had a beautiful, loving, healthy relationship. It's been forever damaged because of my Ex's hateful, abusive behavior. We have had very few monitored visits over the last few years. We were presented with a proposal to continue these unwarranted, ridiculous monitored visits. I chose to decline their offer, as I feel I don't deserve to be treated like a criminal. All our phone conversations were monitored as well. Right now I'm completely cut off from my children. The police called me just yesterday telling me he will arrest me for calling my children. It's the law in Oregon. We need all the help we can get. I'm so grateful to have found you. You and the Family Conflict Resolution Services Of Canada have been a God send. My wife and I want to help and get help ASAP. The good news is their evil plan isn't working, because my son contacted me on his own in January. We spoke for an hour and a half. Unmonitored. Finally he was himself, natural and unihibited. The next weekend we met for a visit @ Dairy Queen with out the parents permission. I know this was risky, but we were desperate to see each other. I hadn't seen him since last April. My son told me I'm his dad and he does not call his stepfather dad. We hugged and comforted one another with assurances of continuing our relationship. I told him it was unwise to have secret calls and meetings. He said he would try to convince them of returning our visits. But we know what the outcome will be. No visits. My son told me they are afraid I will turn him against them. We all think they are crazy. My son is angry at them and spoke of running away. His grades are bad. He needs help right now. I fear he will do something rash. Please give us some advice.

My Story : The mother of my twin little girls has hid the children from me for over 12 years. They have no idea who I am or that I even exsist. I pay child support each and every month and yet still have no idea where they are. I have hired several attorneys to find these missing girls, but the mother moves every time I get close. I can only imagine the life these children must have changing schools and moving every 6 months. The State of Oregon refuses to help in finding her and now she has moved to Washington State. I am frustrated with the whole system. I have to provide health care and child support for children I have not seen in over 12 years. How is this fair?

My Story : I am a 37year old Father of a 7 year old little girl, I was born, and raised in Miami Florida, and I now live in Hollywood Florida.I have not seen my Daughter, going on 3yrs now.Turns our my ex tried to acuse me of doing something improper to our at the time 3year old.I was interviewed, never arrested by police in 2 different counties,since at the time I lived in Dade, and she lived in Broward.. My Daughter was also interviewed wich turned up nothing,and by the way she was taken to a rape assesement center at the age of 3yrs, and a few months, wich also turned up zero.I ended up seeing my Daughter for about 4 months supervised of course during this time, with my Mother as the superviser.In my desperation I went and saw a very good Attorney, but one not capable of handeling a case like this to well, as I later found out it takes a speacial type of Lawyer to handle these type of things too little too late..There was a psy evaluation done of both the Mother, and myself, the Doctor of course was recommended by the opposing Lawyer, but at the time I saw nothing wrong with that since I had done nothing, and had nothing to hide.That went in the Mothers favor, of course, and although this pshy didnt say I did anything, she didnt say I didnt do anything either.One of the things I found very strange was that she never asked to see my Daughter, and myself together, none the interviews were taped either.Also another note is that my Daughter told me on more than one occasion that Mommie says I need to tell people you did this or that, but of course the Doctor found that so hard to beleive,Hence the wrong representaion for this type of case.I have no money left to fight this, therefore I dont see my Daughter anymore, although I do pay close to 1000.00 a month in support.I now beleive she has moved about 3 hours drive away from me.I hate to say this but I have given up, I feel hurt, and betrayed, by a system, that believes you are guilty until proven innocent as fas as this is concerned..Its funny I watch TV and I see these parents, that have beaten there kids to a pulp, or have done something else hatefull, and they see there kids, I did nothing, and have nothing.I dont think I will ever be the same this has effected emotionaly in ways I cant explain, I miss her very very very much, and dont know if I will ever get over this hurt.I know maybe some are reading this and going well dont complain, do something, but what do I do, this isnt a 2000.00 problem, this is a 100,000.00 problem, wich nor me or anyone in my Family has..This has destroyed my Mother, and my Sister as well.

My Story : PARENTAL ALIENATION BEHAVIOR PATTERNS OF THE CUSTODIAL MOTHER The most common pattern of the mother is to show that 'she is in control'. She will do that in a variety of ways ranging from ignoring you to humiliating you. She will also act on the basis of the love shared between you and your child by pushing her control as far as she can. These types of conduct may be indicative of PA(Parental Alienation): The objective of the custodial parent is generally to diminish the role of the non-custodial parent or even eliminate him from the life of the child. The mother may become rigid on times for pickup and delivery and allow only mininum access time. The mother may discreetly block/restrict access/contact between the child and the father but claims she is promoting such. She will not inform you of anything she does with the child. She will deliberately misinterpret anything you do or say to the point where you will think twice about doing or saying anything. She will not keep you informed of the child's well being, activities or anything that you might expect as a parent. The mother may say there are activities at which you cannot be included or does not want you to attend. The mother will often claim the child's hostility is a result of contact with the father thus further supporting her agenda of alienation. Mother ceases to inform/consult the father of medical issues and appointments. Ultimately the only way the father knows that a medical problem has existed is if the child mentions it or the father stays in steady contact with Doctors. The mother makes rules for times and/or methods of communication. She will write letters with conditions and changes in visitation times. She will misinterpret or twist what the father says or does to give it an unfavorable implication. She may inform the school that the father is not to attend the child's school, school events or extra-curricular activities the child is involved in. The mother will subtly initiate arguments so that the father will be blamed as the one who 'started it.' In all, the mother will look for any way of undermining your position in the knowledge that, if you retaliate in kind, she can stop contact and use your retaliation as evidence of your attitude towards her (not the child). It will be her intent to use such provocative behavior to push you past your limits and act in a way that can be quoted against you.

My Story : His Christmas card arrived. "Merry Christmas Daddy, I miss you so much. I would really really like to spend more time with you Daddy". A large face drawn in the card displayed a frown with a number of tears rolling down the cheeks. Almost 3 months later in court the father states, "Your Honor, there is presently an access order in place that states my son is to see me once a week for a reason period of time". "The order is being violated. My son has not seen me since January 29th. This is why I filed to have the order varied or enforced". The mother states, "He doesn't need nor want to see his dad". "You Honor", says the father, " the Christmas card my son sent me which is before you strongly suggests the contrary". "Mr. *******, the access order appears to have been well thought out and I am not prepared to change the terms in such", says the Judge. "I am however making an Order today that you may not make any further applications regarding this file". "Your Honor, since the access order was made 5 months ago my son has had less than 31 hours of time with me". He lives only 15 kms away. Its not like its an issue of inconvenience due to distance. Its a case where the mother will not comply with the Order". "Thank-you for that information Mr. *******, have a good day". The court appearance was on March 8th, 2006. To date, my son has still had no access to me nor contact whatsoever since January 29th, 2006. His 10th birthday was last Sunday. The first one I had been unable to see him. His present arrived back the other day with "Return to Sender" written across it. I wonder whether the mother indicated to my son that I must have forgot his birthday or I really don't care?

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Hi, my name is Kate and I am writing about my friend and co-worker. I have known my co-worker for over a year since we started working together. Even though we do not see each other outside of work very often I consider her a good friend. It has been very difficult to see the heartache that she deals with on a daily basis because of the actions of her ex-husband in regards to her kids. My co-worker has dealt with many lawyers and has represented herself recently very successfully. Although she wins her court cases, her ex does not comply - he has been held in contempt several times, but it seems that means nothing because no one will do anything about it. He has been torturing and harassing her since I have known her. The kids are continually in the middle and Christie has not had a relationship with her daughter for over a year as a result. She is distraught over this. She has custody of both of her children, though her daughter chooses to live with her father - which consiquentally is 6 doors down from where my co-worker lives.

The conversations she and her daughter have had regarding why she does not want to live with her sound like she has been coached to say certain things and to make sure that every word is hurtful. my co-worker even has recorded messages from her ex reiterating why her daughter hates her. Their last court date, her ex brought their daughter with out telling my co-worker , which as you can imagine, was a shock to her. As they were leaving the courthouse, they drove by my co-worker honking and waving and laughing. Her ex calls her and says "Is Sarah (their daughter) over there?" and then laughs and hangs up. He has also been coaching their son to go to expensive sport camps and to tell my co-worker it's her responsibility to pay for all of it. Recently he has keyed her brand new vehicle - this is the second time he has keyed her vehicle. my co-worker has also found that there have been some important documents that were sent to her home that she never received. Too much of a coincidence. This man, though I have never seen nor met, is a very vengeful and hateful person and is teaching his daughter, especially, to be the same way. These kids are continually in the middle and I see my co-worker being broken down more and more every day. Why is it that no one will help her?? Why can't someone enforce the demands that the courts have made. Why does she have to be continually harassed every day? Seeing this article in the paper was a God-send. I hope that by sending this, there may be someone who is able to help, not only my friend, but her children as well.

My Story : My story is too much of an ongoing nightmare to consolidate but our lives( my current wife and myself ) have been wracked with turmoil and chaos, as we watch my 11 year old son, from my previous marriage, used and abused for the purpose of vengeance. The childs welfare and well being and health have never been a part of the picture and now that he is about to turn 12, the effects of the ongoing campaign are showing signs of permanent damage. With each month that goes by, the child, myself and my current wife, who battles metastatic breast cancer, are forced to endure punishment, inflicted by the childs mother because she is angry that my current marriage has lasted over 6 years and it became more intense after I had no choice but to file for a downward modification of child support as the amount I had been paying for years was financially beyond my reach due to substantial changes in my income. This is a woman who is financially very solvent and yet has never given the child a haircut. He is 11 years old and wears a size 36 pants, same size as me because his diet consists of constant fast, cheap food, when healthier choices are available just as inexpensively. His dr has shown concern for his health, as childhood obesity can easily result in diabetes ( a concern of hers ), heart disease etc. He is completely inactive, refuses to allow him to participate in sports, we have enrolled him in multiple organized sports teams and each and ever time, he is discouraged, and ulimately he refuses to go. My wife and my parents cheered him on and she broke his spirit each and every time. His vistation is withheld, she does not want him to go on school trips because she is punishing me by punishing him. He has tremendous socialization issues and is failing in school. My wife works diligently with him and he exhibits excellent response, will get and A on a particular project but fail the rest of the subjects and ultimately that subject because he refuses to do any more work. My current wife and I are constantly in touch with his teachers by email and in conference but we are discouraged from helping him because his mom tell us that we are mean to him if we take away priveleges ( like video games and tv ) until he accomplishes some reading. Yet she slaps him around all the time, her pet name is " you little ___" or you little F----" and batters him verbally all the time. He has admitted that she made him lie to the police when the came to the house investigating a "slapping incident". He is terrified of her and in order to please her or get her to cooperate, he will give her all the information she drills him about after a vsitation weekend. ( every other weekend is what is supposed to be but she withholds him, saying that he doesn't feel well which is always a lie and that she is mad at his dad so he refuses ( her accounting ) to come..In the meantime, he hates leaving us but when he goes home, there is a sudden transformation, he is antagonistic toward me and hurtful. As our phones are recorded because of her years of verbal abuse, screeching threats, foul language, there is irrefutable proof that the child isn't given clean clothes, no groooming ( huge blackheads and pimples on his face at 11 years old) , isn't required to comb his hair and goes to school smelling awful at times. This is a woman who has a lot of money, hundreds of thousands of $$ which she acquired through inheritances which she did not declare as assets, obtains programs monies slated for the poor, as a result of her "poor, single Mom " act, and has turned this child into a mental distater area, as he is torn between his love for his mother and the love he isn't allowed to feel for myself or my wife who not only maintains a clean appropriate wardrobe at our home, but sends him a complete school wardrobe and backpack and everything new at the begining of each school year. The clothes disapper and he is left to wear one pair of shorts every day, the same day in and day out, and the same pair of shoes every day 7 day s a week every day since the start of school in August. The child comes to our home and is punished and verbally battered each time he goes home until he relinguishes information about where we went that weekend, who was there, do we have anything new in oour house, what my wife bought. He has been turned into a walking video recorder and has to report back if my wife went to get a manicure ( $5 polish change ) admonishes her when she buys anything for herself ("my mom says you shouldn't buy anything, you should be sending her themoney ). My wife works and should be able to buy whatever she needs. She is as generous as she can be with the child, c beautiful "special " room which she was told he didnt need by the childs mother. My wife and her friend handpainted his room and she was beaten up in court about it. The child has never watched a disney movie with his mom, just violent deadly, blood gushing garbage and has been admitted to ( without my knowledge or consent, purposely withheld the information ) a psychiatric facility because he bluttered out, in public, that if he didn't get his way, he would kill himself. He has twice pulled a knife from a drawer in her house, never in ours and held it against himself, threatening to use it because she became so vicious toward him. He comes to our home and has tried to get passwords and pin numbers to bring home to her to be in her good favor. He lies about his schoolwork and she withholds the information. He is told not to answer the phone when he sees my # or my wifes # because she does not want us to know that he has been left home alone for extended periods. This has gone on for years. He isn't allowed to tell me anything that he knows is wrong but sometimes he just can't handle it anymore and confides in his step mom, swearing her to secrecy,for fear of his mothers retribution. He has to act angry or unfriendly to his dad on the phone because he will incur her wrath and he panics when he thinks she will be angry with him, shaking and crying. The courts have taken 2 1/2 years and still we have not been heard. My wife has tremendous proof of alienation, emails, conversations with the child that she called a physchic hotline to find out about my current marriage and squealed with joy when they told her that my wife and I would divorce. The she went to have her cards read and again, was overjoyed at the news that my marriage would fail. The child was there throughout. She sat him down and showed him the pictureso of deadbeat dads on the internet and told him that his fathers picture would be there soon. She forces him to hold the phone close to her ear whens he wants to hear the conversation with me and then grabs the phone and begins screeching, forgetting that she has been informed that there is a recording device. She constantly is grabbing the phone away from the child in direct violation and when he is at my home, he is given privacy but he usually becomes agitated when she begins the interrogation of who we are with, where are we, what is the address of the restaurant. She calls him incessantly on the cell phone which she got for free on her family plan but gave to him just so that she can call multiple times when he is with us to find out all her information without having to wait until he comes home. I cannot access his health information because she has a block on it with the insurance compnay even though I paid for it. She pre-warns anyone who comes in contact with the child whenever she can, not to allow me to try to find out what is happening with him. He is a mess emotionally but thrives when he is here until the phone rings and his mother is demanding something. She has NEVER in 11 years, picked him up or dropped him off for a visitation. NEVER but has used him to navigate to come through the back security gates to "check out" our house. This child has the ability to thrive yet he is constantly being broken and alienated into believing that his father doesn;t want him or love him, and he is severely punished if he shows signs of love or affection toward me or my wife and he has enormous potential. If left in this enviornment, he will either hurt himself, hurt someone else or fall into the abyss. We stand to lose our house ( currently in foreclosure) because the attorneys have taken it all and now walked away, tens of thousands of dollars and the attorney ( never having attended a hearing or court appearance other than to postpone because of his own issues ) left us with a deadline for a court hearing.. We are living a nightmare. I just want to pay the right amount based upon my actual income and bsed upon the fact thats he lied and withheld her true finacnial worth.. This child will be lost of we don't get some help. Thanks for listening..

My Story : Wife of 8 years(five years ago) decides she does not love me anymore. She claims I have sexually abused the two children who were 7 and 3 five years ago. They are now 8 and 11, both are girls. Case has been in the courts for 5 years. Divorce took place three years ago. My X has convinced my two children that all the false allegations she made against me are true. I have had three groups of visitation schedules of which the X had over turned in the Appellate Court through many twisted lies. The children can almost quote verbatim each court hearing. During the first grouping of visitation my oldest daughter(8 at the time) could not understand why I could not go to her soccer game. She said my youngest daughter who was 4 at the time did not recognize me because mommy took all the pictures out of the house. During the second round of visitations, the oldest 10 hit me in the face with some items in the room and claimed that all I did when I lived at home was hurt her. Said she hated me and never wanted to see me again. The youngest daughter 6 was not sure how to act but showed me some concern over my well being. During the third round of visitations, my daughter then 11 had extreme dislike for me and would not let her sister come anywhere near me. The youngest one still showed some concern but the oldest never changed her attitude. The oldest daughter always informed the mother of happenings during visitation. I was not allowed to take photographs of the children because the mother told the girls that this was not happpen. The girls told me that I was a poor loser and always making the mother return to court. They would not accept any gifts and refused to take them home. The girls knew how to say please but did not know how to say thank you. The girls looked at the gifts as bribery. They were told not to accept money from me. The mother refused to let them return to my parents house to pick up items of theirs that they had left here. I did not have a chance to say goodbye. The mother has coached them and has convincedthem that I am bad and she is good! I love my children but they no longer love me. I miss them, they are the apple of my eye! A heartbroken father!

My Story : I am a bit different from most of the stories because I am a mother whose ex-husband has mentally abused my son with lies about me and refused to allow me to see my son or even take my things from my home. The courts have sided with my ex-husband because I had "abandoned" the family. The truth was I was being beaten and raped by my ex-husband and when I went to press charges against him, he said he would kill me and my son. When I left I tried to get my son to come with me, but he was just starting high school and did not want to leave his friends. I knew my ex would kill me if I stayed so I left and told my son he was always welcome to stay with me. The people I went to for help thought I was joking, my ex was a fine upstanding calm man who would never harm a living thing. They just did not see the bruises. The first few months I was able to talk to my son, then my ex found our emails and that is when the alienation really began. I am bi-racial and have never tried to pass for anything other than what I am. Now my ex was bringing my race into everything. The more I tried to contact my son, the stronger the threats to my safety became. I went to the courts for them to enforce visitation only to be told like so many others...'Your son does not want to see you'. My son and I had a good relationship prior to me being forced from the home. My son went from being a fairly happy 14 year old boy starting high school. He was a good student, elite level hockey player, and liked by everyone. Within months he was getting into trouble at school, grades dropped to failing and he started hanging out with the wrong crowd. He attended a group therapy session on school's and my insistance and things went even further down hill. After my ex threatened to kill me if I ever tried to see my son again, my son dropped out of high school a month before graduation, quit playing hockey (he had been offered several scholarships to play). His long time friend had written me to see if there was something I could to to stop him from ruining his life like this, but all my attempts to contact him did not bring about any response. What breaks my heart is that my son was 14 when all of this started happening. Old enough to know better and fall for the lies. I believe he fears for his life as well as mine so he continues to have no contact with me so we can be safe. I have tried the courts to no avail. I do not have the money he does and cannot afford legal representation. My son is now almost 19 and still no word from him. I would love to have him be a part of my life again but even more I would love for him to get the professional help he needs to be a safe, happy, and balanced man who will break the pattern of abuse that started in my childhood and spilled over into his. All I can do now is pray that we both will be ok. I know I cannot trust the courts to right the wrong done in our case. I also know my ex will never try to do the right thing either.

My Story : My ex and I separated in April 2003. From July until December of that year, I was denied access to my children. Indeed, during this time, my ex filled the children's heads with falsehoods, making them afraid of their own father. In July of 2004, as a part of our divorce, I as "granted" visitation every other weekend. She continues to ignore this order. It is now April, 2006 and so far this year I have had regular vistation with my children once. She is represented by legal conusel on a pro bono basis, and I have to pay for mine. Why must fathers "purchase" access to their own children?

I would like to apologize in advance for the way this reads. It was compiled a piece at a time, I have tried to edit it so it's not so rambling, however, I've found that it's impossible for me to get thru it completely without my emotions getting carried away and making it worse. Please, just have a little patience with me as you read it.... I signed custody of my three children, over to my mother in March of 1998. Within one month the youngest child, was missing. It has been 5 years, during which my mother has drawn benefits from the state of Louisiana on her. I have been fighting for my children ever since I signed those papers. On July 13, 2002 my mother and my step-father (a louisiana law enforcement officer) brought my 2 oldest kids to me here in Kansas. They have lived with me for 9 months. The 3rd child, who is now 6 years old, I haven't seen since she was 13 months old. My parents SOLD her for $35,000 to another cop and his wife who live in North Carolina. I have never been able to get ANY attention to the fact that a child was sold. Well, let me tell you what is going on now. I had surgery on Monday (4/14/03) and the next day, while I was still in the hospital, the Ellis County Sherrifs Department sent an officer to my kids school and picked them up from school, they were then placed in protective custody and I was not allowed to see them. The next morning my step father picked them up and returned to Louisiana with them. My mother made a claim to the county attorney that I had come to visit the kids over the Christmas holiday and stated that I left to take them to the store to buy them something, and never returned with them(kidnapped them). However, I have DOCUMENTED proof that the children have been living with me since last July, including school records that places them here all school year. I also have proof that she brought them to me. The county attorney didn't ask any questions as it is a "professional courtesy" among law enforcement officials that they help each other out, he simply said, "ok" and sent my kids with my step father. This is the same man that molested not only me, but my sister as well for most of our early childhood, and then came to me totally naked when I was 15 years old and was putting his hands all over me and such untill I ran out of the room, into my bedroom, and locked the door until my mother returned home from work. When I told her what had happened she said to me "How dare you accuse him of that when all he has ever done was be a father to you". My mother and this same man locked my sister and myself inside a mobile home in January of 1980, when I was in the second grade, and then set the mobile home on fire and simply drove away. When the smoke woke my sister up, she got me up, we tried to get out, but the deadbolt on BOTH doors had been turned around so you had to have a key to get out instead of in. The windows had been screwed shut from the outside as well. My sister, who is 2 years older than me, then proceeded to bust a window with a kitchen chair, knock the shards of glass out with her barbie doll, and helped me climb out then she climbed out, too. We lived out in the country, so there were no neighbors to run to for help, instead when the school bus ran that morning, we got on it and went to school, still wearing our pj's. Nobody has ever investigated this matter, and I am not sure how much proof can be accumilated this many years later, but I will not stop until these people pay for their crimes and my children are returned home to me. I tried everything that I could to stop them from being taken away, but I was powerless against the law. Well, my mother passed away on June 15, 2003. I went to pick up my children, but I do not have my children. I went to get them, and for my own safety, I contacted the Morehouse Parrish Sherriff's Department when I first got into town. I asked them to escort me out to pick up my babies, showed them the custody papers that do NOT have my step-father's name on them at all. They told me that they would go with me to get my children. I was following the officer (Sgt. Hall) to the house and one mile before we got to the house he pulled his police car over and so I also stopped. He then informed me that "I was just told not to get involved". I was devastated, I begged, I pleaded, I cried, I screamed, I cussed, and all of it was useless. I refused to allow the officer to leave the site untill he told me WHY. He said that he had called the sherriff from his car and the sherriff told him NOT to help me. I told the officer that this man was of NO relation to my children, I told him about him molesting me and my sister as children, I told him about my youngest daughter being SOLD, I told him that my children were in danger and that they HAD to be removed from that house. He replied "if I get involved I could loose my pension". I was appalled, how could a law emforcement officer who had taken an oath to protect and serve put his pension before the safety of my children. I demanded an answer to that and was informed that I had NO RIGHTS TO MY OWN CHILDREN!!! I left there and went to the neighboring parrish and asked them what I should do. I was then informed that had they lived in that parrish I would have my children. The truth about the whole situation is simply that my step-father is a close friend of the sherriff where he lives. I then asked who was the sherriff's boss and was told "nobody". I then asked "so in other words (the sherriff) is God in Morehouse Parrish?" and the answer I was given was "basically yes". I was sent away again without my babies. I have just returned from a second trip to try to get my children, this time I went prepared with a legal pleading that I prepared myself, and an appointment to see a judge. When I saw the judge, he told me that the papers that I had prepared were not done correctly, and that I would have to have an attorney. He did refer me to an attorney, who has agreed to help me. This attorney filed a paper with the courts to have the childrend removed from my step-father's home and brought to the courthouse, and the judge held a hearing. During this hearing my step-father lied to the judge and told him that I had kidnapped my children last summer (but couldn't explain why there was never a police report filed) he also accused me of beating my children, not feeding them, and sending them to school dirty. All of which is a lie. The judge set it up for another hearing, to be held on October 20, 2003, but yet again, ordered that I leave my children with this monster. I have plenty of witnesses to the fact that I am a very good mother and I do NOT mistreat my children, however, all of these witnesses live here in Kansas and will not go to Louisiana to go to court. The Uniform Child Custody Act of 1997 states that in order for a custody trial to be held, it must be held in the child's home state, home state is defined as "the last state that a child lived in for a consecutive six month period of time". In our case it would be Kansas, the children will have been gone for six months on October 15, 2003. I am going to go to court on October 20, 2003, and I will be taking my childrens' natural fathers with me. I am also taking my childrens' natural grandmothers, my aunt, and my sister. I am needing some sort of media attention to keep the court from allowing this man to keep my children for good just because he happens to have friends in law enforcement. I want to know if any of you can think of anything that might help. I have already contacted the FBI, US Dept. of Justice, US Marshalls, Louisianna State Police, Child Protective Services, and I even called the local Judge and woke him up at 3am. All of them said the same thing, "SORRY". How is it legal for a non-relative to keep children away from their mother without ANY TYPE OF CUSTODY PAPERS??????? I am at my wits end here, please if anybody has any suggestions help me out here.

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