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Letters from parents
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I married a woman with 7 children in 1997, we had a child together in 1997. I adopted the 7th child in 2002, a month before my wife threw me out claiming I was "abusive" to her and the kids. I have 2 legal kids I see 2 nights a week. I have 6 step kids with whom I have lost contact and visitation. Without restraint, legal or ethical, my ex-spouse thoroughly alienates the 6 step step-kids. The situation is very complex, but the simple of it is it hurts my legal children as well.
Here are some actions over the last four years:
After five years as the de facto father to teenage step kids, I thought I would reassure them on the day I was forced out of the house and slapped with an injunction order to have no contact with my wife. I had been their personal advisor and mentor in many ways. I helped my teeage stepson get his Eagle Scout, ecnouraged him in school football, drama and band, etc. I helped my teenage daughters with music lessons, harp, percussion, and voice, school swimming and dive team, chorus, graphic arts, and scholastics. Attended and cheered them in drama events, as costume coordinator or scenic painter. Supported them in as they served as youth leaders in Church, etc. I hleped my younger stepsons with cub scouts, five pinewood derby cars, 4 raingutter sail boats, little league baseball, school events and activities, scholastics, homework, and father-son campouts. I helped the older kids get their first-ever jobs, keep banking accounts, etc.
So, at first chance, I stopped at their work locations, not able to see them at my home - where I was restrained - and told them I was sorry for the turmoil of the last few days and asked how they were getting on. All three of the older teenagers welcomed me, were concerned for my wellfare, and expressed wishes tht the mess would go away. Days later, a motion was filed and denied to include ALL the children on the injunction. There after, any reference to the step and natural children in legal correspondance claimed none of the children wanted ANY contact from me. After getting court ordered visitation with my two "legal" children, the stories got worse. In additional visits to my step kids, they reported I was "violating laws" and was not to contact them at all. This is what they had been told. It was not true. As the situation grew worse, all trouble was my fault. I pleaed to go to counseling and work on matters, but was flatly refused. Then the step children are told I abandonded them when divorce proceeded.
When I first received my two "legal' children after a court order establishing visitation, they were visibly afraid and warned me, "Daddy, why did you hit Mommy. If you do it again, you will have to go to jail." I never ever physically abused anyone in my life, never hit my spouse or any woman. I was guilty of being easily agitated and anxious when my income fell in half, being angry and intimidating when I felt my wife's refusal to stop spending and refusal to support me in my economic slump. I was seeking therapy for the same in the middle of all this.
After coordinating through attorneys to have my name taken off the house power, and my ex-wife to set up her own account, the power goes off one night. My kids call me and ask, "Why did you turn of the power Daddy?"
Then, my wife's lover was discovered. He moved into my home and bed three months after my departure. Mom pulled all the kids out of church, against their protest, cut all ties to mutual friends, and cited the Church members and friends were abusing her and her family. She fought to keep the house with my continuing to pay for it, and then one week after working out an arrangement, she jumped out of the house and moved into a luxury apartment where rent equalled the house payments. I then was left to sell the house after affecting many many repairs to recent troubles. I kicked the family out of ther home, so the kids were told.
My kids go to day care, even when they could come to me, on many days when I am working out of home, as I have for twelve years.
All household members have been istructed NOT to answer the phone if I call, even though I have court ordered "unrestricted telephone" contact with my kids.
My youngest step son was absolutely terrified of me when I first began to see him at the day care he attended in common with my "legal' children. After six slow months of patience, we chat and share storeis regularly again, as we did when I was his step father. He had been convinced I used to choke him and beat him - so I was a "mean man." It helped that most of the day care kids altered his opinion in time, as they all knew me well. I often visit the day care to visit my kids after school, and most of the other kids there know me well.
Well, there are many many more, but I think the gist of this is evident.
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My children have been a victim of Parent Alienation now for six years. A friend of mine saw this article in the Goodhue area News Record and thought of me right away. I was so amazed that the article was in the paper let alone there was someone who knew what we have been going through. This has been devasting for the kids and myself. I haven't seen my daughter now for over eight months because of her father as he brainwashes and manipulates her. He has been trying to do the same thing to my son. He continually tells the children that the child support is for them to use as they want. He told my daughter that it was for her to buy a new truck and was also her college fund money. She is 16 now and is disobeying the court orders by staying at her fathers house when she is supposed to be living with me, six houses away. She has been told she does not have to do what the judge says. She is an outstanding athlete and was honored on telelvision in March. My son is also an outstanding athlete at age 14, however their father is coaching up to three of their school sports. He does not work at the school but has worked his way into this position. He has a business in town so he can take off when he wants to to coach, etc. He told my son the child support was for him to go to an 800 camp which i cannot afford as a single mother but manipulated my son to blame me over this. My ex has brought many motions to the court regarding child support and custody, he has lost all of them but has continually taken me to court for the past six years. He is married and has a baby due anyday.
He also owns his own home, a business and a boat and they go on many vacations with the kids. He has been held in contempt many times for not paying child support. He is always at least 700 behind but I am suppose to pay for all the extra cirricular for the kids. I am struggling financially. I would love to take my children on a vacation.
I just recently have talked to my daughter, she is hurting and I am worried about her. We have a Parenting Time Exbititor coming to help but the ex did not pay his share so I have to find a way to pay her, she is most likely going to request for the Investigation. My ex received a letter from the court requesting the exbiditor money to start the process, he stole mine letter out of my mailbox so i did not know of this until just this past friday when i called to find out why they have not contacted me. He has had this letter for over a month, they sent it on March 23 and he still has not paid his share. I have been going crazy waiting for the exbiditor to start because there is no letting up with this guy. . He has keyed two of my vehicles and has lied to the community, the judges, his wife, his family, the kids, etc about who I am in hopes that he can turn them all against me. I have had a very tough time over the past twenty years. Because he disobeys every order I had over 40k in lawyer bills, the end result, I had to file bankruptcy which then he told everyone about. I tried to make it work with him but after being mentally and physically abused i finally wanted out and I think this is his way of holding on. If he can see me cry or see me hurt in the courtroom i think that gives him the pleasure he is looking for. If my daughter doesn't talk to me then that also gives him pleasure. I cannot get any relief from this guy, he has cost me a job because he would not take the kids in to have their braces tightened or to go to the doctor for anything, he told the children that they were not allowed to ask grandma or anyone else that I had to take them. As a result of taking to many days off of work I was let go. I have been at my new job now for over a year but I am still hurting. I miss my relationship with my daughter and I am always worried about what the ex is saying to my children. After coaching or a game, he will drop my son back off at home when he feels like it, he will make him sit in the car outside my home for a long period of time discussing????? Then my son comes in to the house and is quiet, confused or upset. He is working him everyday as he is there for practice coaching, if it is a sport he does not coach he picks him up right after practice before i can get there, or he goes to watch him at practice and takes him right afterwards and brings him home when he is done talking to him. Then he calls the house repeatedly and talks to him on the phone. There have been days when he has spoken to my son for over a half an hour four times within one day. He is there everyday, after school. He takes the children on ALL holidays, he has been doing that for some time now, he convinces then that it is way more fun to go where all their cousins would be. He has made my son call me and say that they cannot go to a special place in a different town where all the cousins will be staying the night and swimming unless i agreee to let him have the kids the entire spring break vacation. My son had to call me, he was crying he wanted to go to swimming on his dads' weekend with his cousins but was told he could not go unless he called me and convinced me to let the kids stay with him for the spring break when it was my time. My son was so upset and so was I, I agreed so my son would not cry and have a good rest of the day. I missed them when they were gone. I have no family here except for my kids as i moved from another state here with my ex to raise the children in a town where he grew up with all of his family. The family members on his side have watched and listiend to him lie in court, but they have told all the kids in the family that they are not to talk to me. A few of the kids do now as my son has them over to play games. My ex gets angry if anyone he knows in town, talks to me. Many people side with him but it is because he isn't honest with them. Some of his friends have made comments about how my daughter hasn't seen me or wants nothing to do with me. This is not true. She is confused, she is hurting and it isn't right. This kind of child abuse is torture. This is also torture to me as their mother. I have been trying to explain this to the court system and they can see how bad this really is but representing myself I thought was the problem. But now I am starting to wonder if they knew it was Parental Alienation all along. I love my children, I do not want to live in the town, six houses away from my ex but I am there so the kids can have a stable upbringing with their friends and one school. I have always given their father way more time with the kids than what the decree has allowed but that isn't good enough. I need help, I have been asking the courts and looking for organizations to help me. I have been crushed by the hatred, my daughter wouldn't even look at me if i came to watch her compete, that is how bad he has brainwashed and manipulated these kids. I realize that you will be altering this letter, that is fine, I just want you to know that I am very thankful that you are here. Everyday there is an issue. I just want my children to be happy and to have some peace in our lives. I love my kids. I miss my daughter, she has not even stayed one night in my house since I moved in back in November of 05. I am so depressed and I know my daughter is getting there. I am not informed when the parent teacher conferences are either, my ex's new wife has a stepmom that works at the school, I do not get any news letters or anything regarding their conferences. My ex husband also calls my son on my weekend and asks him to go with him to do things my son LOVES to do. This puts me on the spot. I could go on and on with way more detail but i am totally drianed. I really need someone to help us. It is really difficult to just go thru a day and try to work and keep my mind on my job when my children are going through all of this. Please help.
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My Story : My husband and I adopted two children from Chile. I was 39 at the time and unable to conceive a natural child. This was my second marriage and my husband's third. My husband had two children by previous marriages. I had one. After 10 years of marriage my husband became distant and eventually he divorced me. We were both teachers in the same school. Big mistake. It was devastating to have my personal life known at my workplace. During the divorce, I felt a change in my children's behavior. An almost negative feeling toward me and suspicious of me. As the divorce continued we needed a guardian ad litem to intercede because my children were negative toward me. When the divorce was final, the real bizarre behavior began. The children started telling me they hated me. They avoided my friends. They started calling me by my first name rather than Mom. They made excuses why they couldn't be with me. They started stealing from the house when they visited with me. I was devastated by their lack of love for me. My ex would yell at me on the phone, "They hate you" "can't you get it through your head they don't want to be with you. I went to the police to enforce the joint custody arrangement. That seemed to escalate the name calling. Finally I retreated. I could not take the verbal and emotional abuse, not only by the girls , but also by my ex. He changed his number so that I could not call them. We were ordered by the court and guardian to go to family therapy. My ex refused. Financially I was not able to keep dragging him back into court, for violating the divorce decree. I decided to attend counseling myself. As I started telling my story to my counselor, he interrupted me and asked if I had ever heard of Parental Alienation Syndrome. I had not. He told me to look it up because I was a classic case of PAS. As I read the literature and books I was shocked. It's my story! The only part of all of the criteria I did not experience was the allegation of child abuse. But, every single other criteria on the list I had experienced. I printed out the symptoms and descriptions and tried to reason with my ex's family, showing what he was up to. No success. It has been 5 years since the divorce. My oldest is graduating from high school, and I have asked if I could attend. She said "No" Again devastation. The younger child, as predicted in PAS, has been in serious trouble; shop lifting, setting fires, threats etc. A definite result of the mess my ex has created. I never stopped sending cards, letters presents to my two girls, never once receiving one back. Just recently, when my oldest e-mailed me that she did not want me at her graduation, I e-mailed her back. Now her story is I wasn't there for them so I don't deserve to come to her graduation. This is a complete turn around. First they won't let me see them. and now they hold it against me for not seeing them. Brainwashed? Yes. Believe me, my ex could have been a trainer of Hitler's Youth Core, the children trained to hate and kill their parents. My ex is a teacher. I am appalled at his behavior. He brags to people "I have the Kids" as if this is a prize. I'm hoping that now that my oldest is 18, she might be smart enough to figure out the lies from the truth. I'm not sure though that it will take place. I still hope.
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My Story : I was with my Ex. for 12 years. We were married for 8 yrs. when she decided to leave the marriage and a few months later, informed me that my two boys were not mine biologically. She promised me that the boys would always be mine. As you could imagine I was in duress over all this and pretty much decided to move on as quickly as possible and obtained a divorce a few months later, foolishly giving up my parenting rights. Because she promised I would always be their dad, I believed her. My oldest son was 9 at the time of the Divorce. My little one was 4. I remarried in '01. My ex-wife remarried in '02. The 1st yr. we had the boys 50% of the time. My new wife and I worked very hard blending our new family, now with 4 kids total in the house. The kids all got along very well and loved each other. It was so awesome. However, to all our dismay, the 2nd yr. My ex-wife changed the schedual to 3 weekends a month and a wed. evening dinner. The boys were very upset by this huge change. Little did they know that this was only the begining. My ex-wife's new husband had told me several times he did not like the kids having 2 families and 2 homes. He informed me of his intentions to take the kids from me. When this occurred, my ex-wife made him apologize to me and she assured me that nothing would happen and I would always be the boys dad. The boys witnessed all this. Then, suddenly, it seemed all hell broke loose. My oldest was told "The Truth" by his mom July of '03. At that time the kids and I were promised to have our relationship kept in tact. However, in October of '03 my ex- sent me a nasty e-mail letter explaining my new relationship with the kids as no longer being "Dad" along with a list of her "rules" to abide by in order to continue seeing the boys. I was also informed of her new husbands plans of adopting the boys. The boys were made to call me by my first name and their stepfather dad. The next day we obtained a lawyer in hopes of establishing rights for the boys. Our system failed them miserably. The financial cost became too great of a burden and after about 9 months and no progress we had to give it up. There has been no where to turn for help. She has all the rights in the world. The right to abuse her kids? My wife periodically checks the web to see if anything new and helpful is there. Just last night she found your site and read about (HAP) from the Family Conflict Resolution Services group of Canada. Finally, an answer to our prayers. My current wife and I are beside ourselves with grief and pain. I raised these boys from birth. I was the first to hold them, and I was their main caregiver as my self emplyment as a carpet cleaner allowed me more time with them. They are my children. We had a beautiful, loving, healthy relationship. It's been forever damaged because of my Ex's hateful, abusive behavior. We have had very few monitored visits over the last few years. We were presented with a proposal to continue these unwarranted, ridiculous monitored visits. I chose to decline their offer, as I feel I don't deserve to be treated like a criminal. All our phone conversations were monitored as well. Right now I'm completely cut off from my children. The police called me just yesterday telling me he will arrest me for calling my children. It's the law in Oregon. We need all the help we can get. I'm so grateful to have found you. You and the Family Conflict Resolution Services Of Canada have been a God send. My wife and I want to help and get help ASAP. The good news is their evil plan isn't working, because my son contacted me on his own in January. We spoke for an hour and a half. Unmonitored. Finally he was himself, natural and unihibited. The next weekend we met for a visit @ Dairy Queen with out the parents permission. I know this was risky, but we were desperate to see each other. I hadn't seen him since last April. My son told me I'm his dad and he does not call his stepfather dad. We hugged and comforted one another with assurances of continuing our relationship. I told him it was unwise to have secret calls and meetings. He said he would try to convince them of returning our visits. But we know what the outcome will be. No visits. My son told me they are afraid I will turn him against them. We all think they are crazy. My son is angry at them and spoke of running away. His grades are bad. He needs help right now. I fear he will do something rash. Please give us some advice.
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My Story : The mother of my twin little girls has hid the children from me for over 12 years. They have no idea who I am or that I even exsist. I pay child support each and every month and yet still have no idea where they are. I have hired several attorneys to find these missing girls, but the mother moves every time I get close. I can only imagine the life these children must have changing schools and moving every 6 months. The State of Oregon refuses to help in finding her and now she has moved to Washington State. I am frustrated with the whole system. I have to provide health care and child support for children I have not seen in over 12 years. How is this fair?
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My Story : I am a 37year old Father of a 7 year old little girl, I was born, and raised in Miami Florida, and I now live in Hollywood Florida.I have not seen my Daughter, going on 3yrs now.Turns our my ex tried to acuse me of doing something improper to our at the time 3year old.I was interviewed, never arrested by police in 2 different counties,since at the time I lived in Dade, and she lived in Broward.. My Daughter was also interviewed wich turned up nothing,and by the way she was taken to a rape assesement center at the age of 3yrs, and a few months, wich also turned up zero.I ended up seeing my Daughter for about 4 months supervised of course during this time, with my Mother as the superviser.In my desperation I went and saw a very good Attorney, but one not capable of handeling a case like this to well, as I later found out it takes a speacial type of Lawyer to handle these type of things too little too late..There was a psy evaluation done of both the Mother, and myself, the Doctor of course was recommended by the opposing Lawyer, but at the time I saw nothing wrong with that since I had done nothing, and had nothing to hide.That went in the Mothers favor, of course, and although this pshy didnt say I did anything, she didnt say I didnt do anything either.One of the things I found very strange was that she never asked to see my Daughter, and myself together, none the interviews were taped either.Also another note is that my Daughter told me on more than one occasion that Mommie says I need to tell people you did this or that, but of course the Doctor found that so hard to beleive,Hence the wrong representaion for this type of case.I have no money left to fight this, therefore I dont see my Daughter anymore, although I do pay close to 1000.00 a month in support.I now beleive she has moved about 3 hours drive away from me.I hate to say this but I have given up, I feel hurt, and betrayed, by a system, that believes you are guilty until proven innocent as fas as this is concerned..Its funny I watch TV and I see these parents, that have beaten there kids to a pulp, or have done something else hatefull, and they see there kids, I did nothing, and have nothing.I dont think I will ever be the same this has effected emotionaly in ways I cant explain, I miss her very very very much, and dont know if I will ever get over this hurt.I know maybe some are reading this and going well dont complain, do something, but what do I do, this isnt a 2000.00 problem, this is a 100,000.00 problem, wich nor me or anyone in my Family has..This has destroyed my Mother, and my Sister as well.
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My Story : PARENTAL ALIENATION BEHAVIOR PATTERNS OF THE CUSTODIAL MOTHER The most common pattern of the mother is to show that 'she is in control'. She will do that in a variety of ways ranging from ignoring you to humiliating you. She will also act on the basis of the love shared between you and your child by pushing her control as far as she can. These types of conduct may be indicative of PA(Parental Alienation): The objective of the custodial parent is generally to diminish the role of the non-custodial parent or even eliminate him from the life of the child. The mother may become rigid on times for pickup and delivery and allow only mininum access time. The mother may discreetly block/restrict access/contact between the child and the father but claims she is promoting such. She will not inform you of anything she does with the child. She will deliberately misinterpret anything you do or say to the point where you will think twice about doing or saying anything. She will not keep you informed of the child's well being, activities or anything that you might expect as a parent. The mother may say there are activities at which you cannot be included or does not want you to attend. The mother will often claim the child's hostility is a result of contact with the father thus further supporting her agenda of alienation. Mother ceases to inform/consult the father of medical issues and appointments. Ultimately the only way the father knows that a medical problem has existed is if the child mentions it or the father stays in steady contact with Doctors. The mother makes rules for times and/or methods of communication. She will write letters with conditions and changes in visitation times. She will misinterpret or twist what the father says or does to give it an unfavorable implication. She may inform the school that the father is not to attend the child's school, school events or extra-curricular activities the child is involved in. The mother will subtly initiate arguments so that the father will be blamed as the one who 'started it.' In all, the mother will look for any way of undermining your position in the knowledge that, if you retaliate in kind, she can stop contact and use your retaliation as evidence of your attitude towards her (not the child). It will be her intent to use such provocative behavior to push you past your limits and act in a way that can be quoted against you.
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My Story : His Christmas card arrived. "Merry Christmas Daddy, I miss you so much. I would really really like to spend more time with you Daddy". A large face drawn in the card displayed a frown with a number of tears rolling down the cheeks. Almost 3 months later in court the father states, "Your Honor, there is presently an access order in place that states my son is to see me once a week for a reason period of time". "The order is being violated. My son has not seen me since January 29th. This is why I filed to have the order varied or enforced". The mother states, "He doesn't need nor want to see his dad". "You Honor", says the father, " the Christmas card my son sent me which is before you strongly suggests the contrary". "Mr. *******, the access order appears to have been well thought out and I am not prepared to change the terms in such", says the Judge. "I am however making an Order today that you may not make any further applications regarding this file". "Your Honor, since the access order was made 5 months ago my son has had less than 31 hours of time with me". He lives only 15 kms away. Its not like its an issue of inconvenience due to distance. Its a case where the mother will not comply with the Order". "Thank-you for that information Mr. *******, have a good day". The court appearance was on March 8th, 2006. To date, my son has still had no access to me nor contact whatsoever since January 29th, 2006. His 10th birthday was last Sunday. The first one I had been unable to see him. His present arrived back the other day with "Return to Sender" written across it. I wonder whether the mother indicated to my son that I must have forgot his birthday or I really don't care?
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Hi, my name is Kate and I am writing about my friend and co-worker. I have known my co-worker for over a year since we started working together. Even though we do not see each other outside of work very often I consider her a good friend. It has been very difficult to see the heartache that she deals with on a daily basis because of the actions of her ex-husband in regards to her kids. My co-worker has dealt with many lawyers and has represented herself recently very successfully. Although she wins her court cases, her ex does not comply - he has been held in contempt several times, but it seems that means nothing because no one will do anything about it. He has been torturing and harassing her since I have known her. The kids are continually in the middle and Christie has not had a relationship with her daughter for over a year as a result. She is distraught over this. She has custody of both of her children, though her daughter chooses to live with her father - which consiquentally is 6 doors down from where my co-worker lives.
The conversations she and her daughter have had regarding why she does not want to live with her sound like she has been coached to say certain things and to make sure that every word is hurtful. my co-worker even has recorded messages from her ex reiterating why her daughter hates her. Their last court date, her ex brought their daughter with out telling my co-worker , which as you can imagine, was a shock to her. As they were leaving the courthouse, they drove by my co-worker honking and waving and laughing. Her ex calls her and says "Is Sarah (their daughter) over there?" and then laughs and hangs up. He has also been coaching their son to go to expensive sport camps and to tell my co-worker it's her responsibility to pay for all of it. Recently he has keyed her brand new vehicle - this is the second time he has keyed her vehicle. my co-worker has also found that there have been some important documents that were sent to her home that she never received. Too much of a coincidence. This man, though I have never seen nor met, is a very vengeful and hateful person and is teaching his daughter, especially, to be the same way. These kids are continually in the middle and I see my co-worker being broken down more and more every day. Why is it that no one will help her?? Why can't someone enforce the demands that the courts have made. Why does she have to be continually harassed every day? Seeing this article in the paper was a God-send. I hope that by sending this, there may be someone who is able to help, not only my friend, but her children as well. |
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My Story : My story is too much of an ongoing nightmare to consolidate but our lives( my current wife and myself ) have been wracked with turmoil and chaos, as we watch my 11 year old son, from my previous marriage, used and abused for the purpose of vengeance. The childs welfare and well being and health have never been a part of the picture and now that he is about to turn 12, the effects of the ongoing campaign are showing signs of permanent damage. With each month that goes by, the child, myself and my current wife, who battles metastatic breast cancer, are forced to endure punishment, inflicted by the childs mother because she is angry that my current marriage has lasted over 6 years and it became more intense after I had no choice but to file for a downward modification of child support as the amount I had been paying for years was financially beyond my reach due to substantial changes in my income. This is a woman who is financially very solvent and yet has never given the child a haircut. He is 11 years old and wears a size 36 pants, same size as me because his diet consists of constant fast, cheap food, when healthier choices are available just as inexpensively. His dr has shown concern for his health, as childhood obesity can easily result in diabetes ( a concern of hers ), heart disease etc. He is completely inactive, refuses to allow him to participate in sports, we have enrolled him in multiple organized sports teams and each and ever time, he is discouraged, and ulimately he refuses to go. My wife and my parents cheered him on and she broke his spirit each and every time. His vistation is withheld, she does not want him to go on school trips because she is punishing me by punishing him. He has tremendous socialization issues and is failing in school. My wife works diligently with him and he exhibits excellent response, will get and A on a particular project but fail the rest of the subjects and ultimately that subject because he refuses to do any more work. My current wife and I are constantly in touch with his teachers by email and in conference but we are discouraged from helping him because his mom tell us that we are mean to him if we take away priveleges ( like video games and tv ) until he accomplishes some reading. Yet she slaps him around all the time, her pet name is " you little ___" or you little F----" and batters him verbally all the time. He has admitted that she made him lie to the police when the came to the house investigating a "slapping incident". He is terrified of her and in order to please her or get her to cooperate, he will give her all the information she drills him about after a vsitation weekend. ( every other weekend is what is supposed to be but she withholds him, saying that he doesn't feel well which is always a lie and that she is mad at his dad so he refuses ( her accounting ) to come..In the meantime, he hates leaving us but when he goes home, there is a sudden transformation, he is antagonistic toward me and hurtful. As our phones are recorded because of her years of verbal abuse, screeching threats, foul language, there is irrefutable proof that the child isn't given clean clothes, no groooming ( huge blackheads and pimples on his face at 11 years old) , isn't required to comb his hair and goes to school smelling awful at times. This is a woman who has a lot of money, hundreds of thousands of $$ which she acquired through inheritances which she did not declare as assets, obtains programs monies slated for the poor, as a result of her "poor, single Mom " act, and has turned this child into a mental distater area, as he is torn between his love for his mother and the love he isn't allowed to feel for myself or my wife who not only maintains a clean appropriate wardrobe at our home, but sends him a complete school wardrobe and backpack and everything new at the begining of each school year. The clothes disapper and he is left to wear one pair of shorts every day, the same day in and day out, and the same pair of shoes every day 7 day s a week every day since the start of school in August. The child comes to our home and is punished and verbally battered each time he goes home until he relinguishes information about where we went that weekend, who was there, do we have anything new in oour house, what my wife bought. He has been turned into a walking video recorder and has to report back if my wife went to get a manicure ( $5 polish change ) admonishes her when she buys anything for herself ("my mom says you shouldn't buy anything, you should be sending her themoney ). My wife works and should be able to buy whatever she needs. She is as generous as she can be with the child, c beautiful "special " room which she was told he didnt need by the childs mother. My wife and her friend handpainted his room and she was beaten up in court about it. The child has never watched a disney movie with his mom, just violent deadly, blood gushing garbage and has been admitted to ( without my knowledge or consent, purposely withheld the information ) a psychiatric facility because he bluttered out, in public, that if he didn't get his way, he would kill himself. He has twice pulled a knife from a drawer in her house, never in ours and held it against himself, threatening to use it because she became so vicious toward him. He comes to our home and has tried to get passwords and pin numbers to bring home to her to be in her good favor. He lies about his schoolwork and she withholds the information. He is told not to answer the phone when he sees my # or my wifes # because she does not want us to know that he has been left home alone for extended periods. This has gone on for years. He isn't allowed to tell me anything that he knows is wrong but sometimes he just can't handle it anymore and confides in his step mom, swearing her to secrecy,for fear of his mothers retribution. He has to act angry or unfriendly to his dad on the phone because he will incur her wrath and he panics when he thinks she will be angry with him, shaking and crying. The courts have taken 2 1/2 years and still we have not been heard. My wife has tremendous proof of alienation, emails, conversations with the child that she called a physchic hotline to find out about my current marriage and squealed with joy when they told her that my wife and I would divorce. The she went to have her cards read and again, was overjoyed at the news that my marriage would fail. The child was there throughout. She sat him down and showed him the pictureso of deadbeat dads on the internet and told him that his fathers picture would be there soon. She forces him to hold the phone close to her ear whens he wants to hear the conversation with me and then grabs the phone and begins screeching, forgetting that she has been informed that there is a recording device. She constantly is grabbing the phone away from the child in direct violation and when he is at my home, he is given privacy but he usually becomes agitated when she begins the interrogation of who we are with, where are we, what is the address of the restaurant. She calls him incessantly on the cell phone which she got for free on her family plan but gave to him just so that she can call multiple times when he is with us to find out all her information without having to wait until he comes home. I cannot access his health information because she has a block on it with the insurance compnay even though I paid for it. She pre-warns anyone who comes in contact with the child whenever she can, not to allow me to try to find out what is happening with him. He is a mess emotionally but thrives when he is here until the phone rings and his mother is demanding something. She has NEVER in 11 years, picked him up or dropped him off for a visitation. NEVER but has used him to navigate to come through the back security gates to "check out" our house. This child has the ability to thrive yet he is constantly being broken and alienated into believing that his father doesn;t want him or love him, and he is severely punished if he shows signs of love or affection toward me or my wife and he has enormous potential. If left in this enviornment, he will either hurt himself, hurt someone else or fall into the abyss. We stand to lose our house ( currently in foreclosure) because the attorneys have taken it all and now walked away, tens of thousands of dollars and the attorney ( never having attended a hearing or court appearance other than to postpone because of his own issues ) left us with a deadline for a court hearing.. We are living a nightmare. I just want to pay the right amount based upon my actual income and bsed upon the fact thats he lied and withheld her true finacnial worth.. This child will be lost of we don't get some help. Thanks for listening..
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My Story : Wife of 8 years(five years ago) decides she does not love me anymore. She claims I have sexually abused the two children who were 7 and 3 five years ago. They are now 8 and 11, both are girls. Case has been in the courts for 5 years. Divorce took place three years ago. My X has convinced my two children that all the false allegations she made against me are true. I have had three groups of visitation schedules of which the X had over turned in the Appellate Court through many twisted lies. The children can almost quote verbatim each court hearing. During the first grouping of visitation my oldest daughter(8 at the time) could not understand why I could not go to her soccer game. She said my youngest daughter who was 4 at the time did not recognize me because mommy took all the pictures out of the house. During the second round of visitations, the oldest 10 hit me in the face with some items in the room and claimed that all I did when I lived at home was hurt her. Said she hated me and never wanted to see me again. The youngest daughter 6 was not sure how to act but showed me some concern over my well being. During the third round of visitations, my daughter then 11 had extreme dislike for me and would not let her sister come anywhere near me. The youngest one still showed some concern but the oldest never changed her attitude. The oldest daughter always informed the mother of happenings during visitation. I was not allowed to take photographs of the children because the mother told the girls that this was not happpen. The girls told me that I was a poor loser and always making the mother return to court. They would not accept any gifts and refused to take them home. The girls knew how to say please but did not know how to say thank you. The girls looked at the gifts as bribery. They were told not to accept money from me. The mother refused to let them return to my parents house to pick up items of theirs that they had left here. I did not have a chance to say goodbye. The mother has coached them and has convincedthem that I am bad and she is good! I love my children but they no longer love me. I miss them, they are the apple of my eye! A heartbroken father!
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My Story : I am a bit different from most of the stories because I am a mother whose ex-husband has mentally abused my son with lies about me and refused to allow me to see my son or even take my things from my home. The courts have sided with my ex-husband because I had "abandoned" the family. The truth was I was being beaten and raped by my ex-husband and when I went to press charges against him, he said he would kill me and my son. When I left I tried to get my son to come with me, but he was just starting high school and did not want to leave his friends. I knew my ex would kill me if I stayed so I left and told my son he was always welcome to stay with me. The people I went to for help thought I was joking, my ex was a fine upstanding calm man who would never harm a living thing. They just did not see the bruises. The first few months I was able to talk to my son, then my ex found our emails and that is when the alienation really began. I am bi-racial and have never tried to pass for anything other than what I am. Now my ex was bringing my race into everything. The more I tried to contact my son, the stronger the threats to my safety became. I went to the courts for them to enforce visitation only to be told like so many others...'Your son does not want to see you'. My son and I had a good relationship prior to me being forced from the home. My son went from being a fairly happy 14 year old boy starting high school. He was a good student, elite level hockey player, and liked by everyone. Within months he was getting into trouble at school, grades dropped to failing and he started hanging out with the wrong crowd. He attended a group therapy session on school's and my insistance and things went even further down hill. After my ex threatened to kill me if I ever tried to see my son again, my son dropped out of high school a month before graduation, quit playing hockey (he had been offered several scholarships to play). His long time friend had written me to see if there was something I could to to stop him from ruining his life like this, but all my attempts to contact him did not bring about any response. What breaks my heart is that my son was 14 when all of this started happening. Old enough to know better and fall for the lies. I believe he fears for his life as well as mine so he continues to have no contact with me so we can be safe. I have tried the courts to no avail. I do not have the money he does and cannot afford legal representation. My son is now almost 19 and still no word from him. I would love to have him be a part of my life again but even more I would love for him to get the professional help he needs to be a safe, happy, and balanced man who will break the pattern of abuse that started in my childhood and spilled over into his. All I can do now is pray that we both will be ok. I know I cannot trust the courts to right the wrong done in our case. I also know my ex will never try to do the right thing either.
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My Story : My ex and I separated in April 2003. From July until December of that year, I was denied access to my children. Indeed, during this time, my ex filled the children's heads with falsehoods, making them afraid of their own father. In July of 2004, as a part of our divorce, I as "granted" visitation every other weekend. She continues to ignore this order. It is now April, 2006 and so far this year I have had regular vistation with my children once. She is represented by legal conusel on a pro bono basis, and I have to pay for mine. Why must fathers "purchase" access to their own children?
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I would like to apologize in advance for the way this reads. It was
compiled a piece at a time, I have tried to edit it so it's not so rambling,
however, I've found that it's impossible for me to get thru it completely
without my emotions getting carried away and making it worse. Please, just
have a little patience with me as you read it....
I signed custody of my three children, over to my
mother in March of 1998. Within one month the youngest child, was
missing. It has been 5 years, during which my mother has drawn benefits
from the state of Louisiana on her. I have been fighting for my children
ever since I signed those papers.
On July 13, 2002 my mother and my step-father (a louisiana law enforcement
officer) brought my 2 oldest kids to me here in Kansas. They have lived with
me for 9 months. The 3rd child, who is now 6 years old, I haven't seen since
she was 13 months old. My parents SOLD her for $35,000 to another cop and
his wife who live in North Carolina. I have never been able to get ANY
attention to the fact that a child was sold. Well, let me tell you what is
going on now. I had surgery on Monday (4/14/03) and the next day, while I
was still in the hospital, the Ellis County Sherrifs Department sent an
officer to my kids school and picked them up from school, they were then
placed in protective custody and I was not allowed to see them. The next
morning my step father picked them up and returned to Louisiana with them.
My mother made a claim to the county attorney that I had come to visit the
kids over the Christmas holiday and stated that I left to take them to the
store to buy them something, and never returned with them(kidnapped them).
However, I have DOCUMENTED proof that the children have been living with me
since last July, including school records that places them here all school
year. I also have proof that she brought them to me. The county attorney
didn't ask any questions as it is a "professional courtesy" among law
enforcement officials that they help each other out, he simply said, "ok"
and sent my kids with my step father. This is the same man that molested not
only me, but my sister as well for most of our early childhood, and then
came to me totally naked when I was 15 years old and was putting his hands
all over me and such untill I ran out of the room, into my bedroom, and
locked the door until my mother returned home from work. When I told her
what had happened she said to me "How dare you accuse him of that when all
he has ever done was be a father to you". My mother and this same man locked
my sister and myself inside a mobile home in January of 1980, when I was in
the second grade, and then set the mobile home on fire and simply drove
away. When the smoke woke my sister up, she got me up, we tried to get out,
but the deadbolt on BOTH doors had been turned around so you had to have a
key to get out instead of in. The windows had been screwed shut from the
outside as well. My sister, who is 2 years older than me, then proceeded to
bust a window with a kitchen chair, knock the shards of glass out with her
barbie doll, and helped me climb out then she climbed out, too. We lived out
in the country, so there were no neighbors to run to for help, instead when
the school bus ran that morning, we got on it and went to school, still
wearing our pj's. Nobody has ever investigated this matter, and I am not
sure how much proof can be accumilated this many years later, but I will not
stop until these people pay for their crimes and my children are returned
home to me. I tried everything that I could to stop them from being taken
away, but I was powerless against the law.
Well, my mother passed away on June 15, 2003. I went to pick up my
children, but I do not have my children. I went to get them, and for my own
safety, I contacted the Morehouse Parrish Sherriff's Department when I first
got into town. I asked them to escort me out to pick up my babies, showed
them the custody papers that do NOT have my step-father's name on them at
all. They told me that they would go with me to get my children. I was
following the officer (Sgt. Hall) to the house and one mile before we got to
the house he pulled his police car over and so I also stopped. He then
informed me that "I was just told not to get involved". I was devastated, I
begged, I pleaded, I cried, I screamed, I cussed, and all of it was useless.
I refused to allow the officer to leave the site untill he told me WHY. He
said that he had called the sherriff from his car and the sherriff told him
NOT to help me. I told the officer that this man was of NO relation to my
children, I told him about him molesting me and my sister as children, I
told him about my youngest daughter being SOLD, I told him that my children
were in danger and that they HAD to be removed from that house. He replied
"if I get involved I could loose my pension". I was appalled, how could a
law emforcement officer who had taken an oath to protect and serve put his
pension before the safety of my children. I demanded an answer to that and
was informed that I had NO RIGHTS TO MY OWN CHILDREN!!! I left there and
went to the neighboring parrish and asked them what I should do. I was then
informed that had they lived in that parrish I would have my children. The
truth about the whole situation is simply that my step-father is a close
friend of the sherriff where he lives. I then asked who was the sherriff's
boss and was told "nobody". I then asked "so in other words
(the sherriff) is God in Morehouse Parrish?" and the answer I was given was
"basically yes". I was sent away again without my babies.
I have just returned from a second trip to try to get my children, this time
I went prepared with a legal pleading that I prepared myself, and an
appointment to see a judge. When I saw the judge, he told me that the
papers that I had prepared were not done correctly, and that I would have to
have an attorney. He did refer me to an attorney, who has agreed to help
me. This attorney filed a paper with the courts to have the childrend
removed from my step-father's home and brought to the courthouse, and the
judge held a hearing. During this hearing my step-father lied to the judge
and told him that I had kidnapped my children last summer (but couldn't
explain why there was never a police report filed) he also accused me of
beating my children, not feeding them, and sending them to school dirty.
All of which is a lie. The judge set it up for another hearing, to be held
on October 20, 2003, but yet again, ordered that I leave my children with
this monster. I have plenty of witnesses to the fact that I am a very good
mother and I do NOT mistreat my children, however, all of these witnesses
live here in Kansas and will not go to Louisiana to go to court. The
Uniform Child Custody Act of 1997 states that in order for a custody trial
to be held, it must be held in the child's home state, home state is defined
as "the last state that a child lived in for a consecutive six month period
of time". In our case it would be Kansas, the children will have been gone
for six months on October 15, 2003. I am going to go to court on October
20, 2003, and I will be taking my childrens' natural fathers with me. I am
also taking my childrens' natural grandmothers, my aunt, and my sister. I
am needing some sort of media attention to keep the court from allowing this
man to keep my children for good just because he happens to have friends in
law enforcement.
I want to know if any of you can think of anything that might help. I have
already contacted the FBI, US Dept. of Justice, US Marshalls, Louisianna
State Police, Child Protective Services, and I even called the local Judge
and woke him up at 3am. All of them said the same thing, "SORRY". How is it
legal for a non-relative to keep children away from their mother without ANY
TYPE OF CUSTODY PAPERS??????? I am at my wits end here, please if anybody
has any suggestions help me out here.
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My Story : -wife is party girl/drug addict/put your worst here-I was an on the road construction worker-left the bills to her-made alot-bills never payed-almost never got to see my kids-allways behind with bills-70 to 90 hrs a week working-never enough-naiveto what was going on-evicted from 6 residences in 5 years-lost everything-literally-she took kids-i kept working and paying in hopes the kids were o k-she wouldn't tell me where they were staying-all the while taunting me-8 months later she was arrested for grand theft auto-cps gave the kids to me-i put them in school where they haven't been for 6 months-my son and daughter actually had to repeat first and kindergarden-my parents fell ill in n.y.-not knowing of the wife's whereabouts we moved to n.y. to help-6mo. later she filed for custody and divorce and child support while on welfare in santa cruz ca.-she claimed spousal abuse which gave her a free place to live, a support advocate and the full support of the d.a.'s office and all of their lawyers-not having grounds for jurisdiction in the matter she filed for an emergency restraining order against me which is automatic-she filed false proof of service for same-coerced me into calling her with police present-VIOLATION!-12 other false police reports-i was charged with 4 facing 4 years in jail-i proved through a handwriting analyst that she forged the proof of service that was in her OWN HANDWRITING-i was ordered to give her the kids-give her 3000 dollars a month (which is more than i make)-this was pushed through by way of more false proof of service of court dates of which i was unaware-the court switch-hit judges starting with a judge who was assigned to drug court at the time-i proved that she lied about everything but noone is listening-the D.A. won,t listen-i,m working on the police now with little hope-i haven,t seen my kids for almost a year now-i have a 3yr restraining order barring me from contact with my kids and HER-i work she is on welfare-santa cruz ca.takes 65% of my pay and the federal gov. takes 30%-do the math-iv,e lost my appartment-my kids-my car-my mother)from a broken heart i expect)-my will to go on-please read this carefully so you know what tactics that are going to be used against you can do and take care at all cost.
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My Story : Hello. I am a father of a seven year old boy who's mother basically had nothing to do with me after his birth. The day I discovered a definition of aspects of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) on the internet, I was stunned -- it fit my wife perfectly. Men have to adapt when their wife becomes a mother and make room for the child. In the case of our dysfunctional family, mother replaced the core of the family with mother and son and the father was relegated to a voiceless, subservient interloper. I was the housekeeper, car mechanic, shopper, yard boy, wage earner, daddy and husband -- with nary a thank you and most often contempt and indifference. Her hostile silence and continual denigration of me before our son became intolerable. Despite cautions by others and our marriage counselor, she continued to covet our son and prevent him from achieving normal developmental milestones. She boldly told me that because she was the mother, she'd make all decisions as to the upbringing and care of our child. This presumably included then, the following parenting items she decided for the care of our normal if not bright and otherwise healthy son: in diapers to age 5, on the nipple to 2 weeks short of 4, repeat feeding pet food (in a vegetarian household), neglect of his health, denial of chronic illness, cradle cap to past age 5, repeat respiratory, pink eye and foreskin infections, extensive dental caries because of the breast feeding before bed and her compulsive plying him with sugary cough medicine for years (rather than get to the root of the problem), adamant that fluoride is harmful. She installed a bizarre bouncing routine to put the boy to sleep and wake him and comfort him instead of following sage advice from me, other mothers and our pediatrician to allow an infant to learn to put themselves to sleep, allowing him to watch adult language programs (them blame me for his language), choose as his primary playmate a girl 5 years his senior with emotional problems (who as expelled permanently from grade school due to abusive behavior and physical violence). Her vision of parenting was an unhealthy, exclusive and single-minded promotion of her way only. She prevented visitation, constantly denigrated me in marriage and after in front of my son, used his as a messenger and spy, told him horrible lies, tried to program him to dissuade him from seeing me and more, lots more. She insisted that our son call her boyfriend "dad". One of the most horrible things my son repeated to me (at age 6) was a remark his mother's boyfriend told him: "If your dad was not alive, things would go great". His mother promoted this behavior in her fiancé; they deserve each other however my son will continue to hear the disparagement and denigration and I fear for his welfare and emotional well being. In the face of all this, the judge was unmoved and did not believe me. Deep down, I wonder if she will succeed in her programming. I weaned our son on his first trip with his daddy (she'd had weeks of exclusive time already) and she failed to honor her inane "six month plan" to wean him (at the urging of our marriage counselor) precisely because I did not want our little boy to have that hurdle along with his first father-son trip away from his Mommy. Her neglect to wean a boy just short of four years (who kicked her in the shins for "mommy milk" was cruel. Yeah, married a sickie and that's my fault. Our son is alright despite this all (so far). My heartburn comes from the knowledge that a slick pathological liar can get their way in a court tilted to favor women. I journaled it all with dates, and description but the custody evaluator was not interested. I suggested PAS or whatever you wish to call the compilation of behaviors that a spiteful, immature aggressive and hostile parent exhibits and the custody evaluator said that there is no such thing as PAS. So, I suggested call it what you will, but please take a look at the catalog of behaviors my wife exhibits. The evaluator ignored the evidence then labeled me the alienating parent - without a single reference or example to support his allegation. I have zero regard for a family court that dismissed each of my concerns and made me the monster. My ex-wife is the very exception from which I, my son and the court needs a better grip -- she coveted the child -- usurped the child, demeaned and dismissed me as a parent -- classic alienation. The court, in its idiocy, used gender rather than facts to decide where my son would live. No, it is not fair. I speak with dads constantly who faced the same hell and found it promoted in a court system blinded by some weird duty to motherhood and political pressures. When she laid down our son to change a diaper when he was 13 months and he inhaled a rock, she did nothing. When I came home from work, she said he was wheezing. I listened and detected what seemed to be his chronic snoring and respiratory issues (which she consistently denied -- think Munchausen's syndrome). After about 2 weeks of no change in his symptoms, I asked her to describe top to bottom events and then she tells me he was playing in the gravel pile just before he began wheezing. For the second time, I command her to take our son to the Dr. At the clinic, the Dr. listens and prescribes an X-Ray. There was a flat rock wedged vertically in his airway. We have our son today despite her level of "care". Had the rock at any time turned on its side at any time day or night, he would have suffocated and we would have lost him. In court, she described her heroic participation in the rescue of our son and forgot to mention that I was even in the hospital when the removed the rock. Of course, she denied each and every one of the PAS and bizarre parenting behaviors. Coupled with her PAS, she exhibits an exquisite ability to dodge all responsibility and is a consummate and convincing blame-thrower - a PAS-oriented bitter parent coupled with aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Her typical comeback would be that something never happened, she never did ti or I was mistaken. Welcome to my nightmare. What is the most frustrating is that the family court system placed my son with his mother and assailed my quest to obtain custody or joint custody as a mean-spirited tactic aimed at wasting her time and money. The system is ruinous and lacks the competence to determine parental fitness. The court is blind to all this and from my experience, our family court system is no better than a coin flip. Unfortunately, individual experience and support groups divided by gender promote continuation of bad habits and bad advice. In my case, simply asking the judge for due process was seen as antagonistic. The mother, on the other hand, nearly assured of custody by gender and not due to a lack of my time and commitment to our son, was the one who was steadfast in demands. In my case and others, the parent with less sway in court is the one most likely to be compassionate and compromise in order to make peace. It is not fair to cast a wide net and label all men as one thing or women as something else. My experience in court seemed to cement that men and women do not receive impartial treatment. The excuse of visitation or custody interference because of hate, prejudice or dislike of the other parent is an unfit argument. I don't care if the man or women does not like the other parent -- a lack of personal growth and inability to put the needs of children before one's bitterness is a poor excuse for parenting. Gender generalizations that come out of this should be used to identify prejudices and not used to solidify polar positions or fuel desperate gender bashing. We keep old wounds from healing by massaging a self-centered and self-promoting theatre. This attitude you describe is pervasive and an indicator of how little people invest in maturity and emotional growth. I appreciate the opportunity to share my story. Thank you. |
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My eldest son was abducted from me at the age of ten, seven years ago. I let him stay for a holiday visit with his father in the Middle East, and when I went to recover him a few weeks later, my son refused to see and/or talk to me. He ran away from me when I tried to recover him. Although I had custody of him, the social workers would not allow me to see him unsupervised saying that my son is terrified of me and he doesn't want to be with me. I refused supervised visitation (as the psychiatrist recommended me not to have supervised visits) since I felt that they were giving my son the wrong message-- as if in danger with me. Now he is seventeen and I am finally reestablishing a relationship with him. It has been a long journey of patience and self growth. No parent should give up hope of reuniting with their child. |
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My Story : It's hard not to be very emotional, and maybe a little disjointed in my story, as this is about my "daddy's girl". Feel free to rearrange/edit as you wish. My story is a 3-year custody battle, so far (my daughter just turned 4). Not much "battle" occurred over the 3 years--I'm the father, so I appear to have no rights in South Louisiana, and the court takes months just to become available to discuss the latest denial of visitation. Our daughter is held 1200 miles away from the family home by a move away mom, isolated from her only 3 siblings (of which I have shared custody, because their mother and I cared much more for them than we did our petty differences). I have been flying back and forth every couple weeks to bring my little girl home for my little allotted visitation time, which must be constantly fought for and ordered by the judge since the mother doesn't think our daughter should have to travel out of Louisiana (where we never lived, and were never residents). It's the tragedy of a move away mother--one who moved away, not from anything I did (I welcomed her back 50-60 times), but one who was running away from herself, and her abusive childhood memories. She ran away from 2 therapists who told her she had a severe mood disorder, and should be on medication. She blew up and ran away, suing sole custody, and yelling that I should give up our daughter for adoption to the next man she was going to go find. Even one of the nation's PA experts wrote "that was a sure sign that her alienation attempts will continue". The judge told the mother to her face that "keeping her away from her father is PA, and that's a form of child abuse". The mother continued to deny visitation, and then was successful arguing it was too much travel for our daughter, so my visits were cut from 2 weeks down to 1 week, which meant every weekend was spent in airports with my precious little gir...but it was very tiring and traumatic for us both. I am the defendant--I refused to divorce the mother of my daughter, nor provide her with an excuse to leave. I love her, even though she physically and emotionally abused me--she just needed help, as the psychologists (5, now) told her...and I love, more than anything in the world, my children. They all need both their mommy and daddy, no matter what. The mom took our daughter to Louisiana, cut off all contact, and sued for sole custody in a state where we NEVER lived. She was not a legal resident at the time--the family home was in Virginia, where I still reside because we moved her to follow my children (decided well before our daughter was born). The first court-appointed custody evaluator was reprimanded by the state licensing board for an erroneous evaluation (he ignored attempted suicide and the acts of child abuse performed by the mom). The judge granted a second evaluator who clearly stated the best thing for our child was for the mom to move back to Virginia, since she NEEDS her father and 3 siblings, and time away from her dad WILL HURT our little girl. He actually reported that what she is doing by keeping our girl so far away WILL hurt our daughter, but she ignores it anyway. The evaluator went so far as to call me a victim, the "disenfranchised Dad", but it already cost my family over a $100K to defend my father's right (and my daughter's need to have her father). Any suggestions are welcome...I am beyond broke; my parents are broke; the 4 siblings are ripped apart by 1200 miles; my daughter is alienated for 10 months of the year, now, since it is impossible for me to afford the plane tickets, let alone afford to remain living in the area of the family home and keep a job, here... ALL because of woman, who ran away from psychologists so many times, abused all 4 children and me, and wants to hide out in South Louisiana (and has created yet another complete personality). The alienation attempts are constant, from the mom yelling and blaming me over the phone with our little girl right there, to insisting I give her up for adoption, to the extremely long distance she put in between us. After a few days back with mom, she won't talk on the phone, and sleeps her life away, depressed, or angry. I can see and hear it in my little girl's voice that she becomes very upset and doesn't understand why "daddy" makes her go back to "mommy" all the time--I am the one ordered to do all the travel, so it is me carrying her through the airports when she is crying that she wants her mommy AND daddy. Then she gets on the phone, for example, and says "daddy, I no love you...daddy, I no love you". Where do you suppose she gets that from? It sure isn't from me. As painful as it is, when my little girl says she misses mommy, I say "I miss mommy too, and you'll see her soon", or "let's call her"...and she gets on the phone and tells her mother, "mommy...come home...daddy and I miss you". I guess I can honestly say, thank God, the alienation is not permanent, so far...but, now she is being put in Pre-K to keep her away from me. That is going to mess her up for 10 months of the year. I wish there were someone that could help my little girl who needs both parents--not a visitor.
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My Story : cue Rod Serling: "Picture if you will...." I'm sure all of our stories seem like Twilight Zone episodes. Mine began over four years ago when my wife of 9 years began therapy for bi-polar disorder with a lesbian "professional" whose treatment included not only divorce from me but a new "happy family" for my ex-wife with her and my three small children ages 7,7, 3 in tow. The P.A.S. intensified two years ago with false allegations of abuse/molestation against me which I disproved in court to regain my visitation. When I filed for custody (on the advice of the police/CPS investigators), however, new allegations surfaced 6 months later with new investigators, replete with restraining order against me this time around. I have been fighting for eight months to get my visitation restored and a custody hearing to no avail. In the meantime, the superintendent of the public school at which I have taught/coached for 29 years has placed me on suspension and is calling for my termination. Still, my faith, which is intricately tied to all of you other targeted parents, remains strong in the fact that I have truly done nothing wrong and, in fact, am trying to right an egregious wrong. I refuse to believe my ex-wife's power to destroy our family is greater than my power to protect it.
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My Story : My son is 15 and half years old and I have not had a real conversation, a hug, a warm look from him in more than four years. When I left my very unhappy marriage more than four years ago, my ex-husband threatened to kill himself, called me a "whore" and then began an unrelenting process of trying to convince our three children that I was one of the most terrible people on earth. My older children, felt confused, but ultimately were able to resist the alienation and maintain a relationship with both parents. My younger son, spiraled downward to a place where he became convinced that I had given birth to him and essentially abandoned him. All of the positive memories of our loving relationship over 12 years seem to have been erased. Over the past four years, I have brought in some of the foremost experts on parental alienation in the country (12 different psychologists) who have all, without exception, declared that our situation is one of the worst cases of parental alienation that they have ever seen. Every single intervention that I have tried over the past four years has been undermined by a court system that is unwilling to take strong action, even in the face of terrible child abuse that just happens to be emotional, rather than physical. At this point, my son is living with his mentally ill father in a one-room apartment. His father is unemployed and the only income he receives is child support from me. My son will not talk to me or visit me and there seems to be nothing else I can do. I grieve every day for the loss of my son who until he was 12 years old, never let a day go by when he didn't tell me he loved me.
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My Story : My story is so disturbing that I decided to write a book titled "A Father's Cry - My Fight for Justice" available at http://www.lulu.com/content/223082 Over the last 9 years the mother of my children has done everything possible to keep the ATM machine running. Using my three little children as pawns in a terrible game of Family Law Chess. This is a little about the book: This book is about many things, and it is about one thing. A Father's Cry focuses on love. It's about love and how important it is in raising your children. Of course love is essential in any child's life. It is especially vital for kids to know that both parents love them. When my twins, Kolton and Wyatt, were first born and later my daughter Addyson came into this world, I never realized how complicated and difficult it would be to get to know my children, to be a part of their lives, and to share my love with them. You must be wondering-"Why was it so difficult for him to be with his kids?" Was I in prison? No. Did I live in another country or thousands of miles away? No. Am I a sex offender? No. Perhaps I'm a Dead Beat Dad? Not even close. I'm not a criminal; I live within an hour of my kids; and I've always provided for them. My "crime" was and still is that I am a father. It's that simple.
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My Story : I am with community develoment here in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. i see many fahters that are alienated from their chidlren. There isn't much for fathers or men in general. The balance and cultural component for Aboriginal people have been lost I am wanting to help our fathers. I am now doing my homework of research and came accross your site. I have seen the population of our Aboriginal fathers that have and feel no hope. Many are incarcerated and others just are not apart of their chidlren lives because of past histories. I relaize that it must be mothers and eduator like myself to make some waves of change. children need their fathers. I am developing a proposal and I want to dedicate myelf to help these forgotten individuals. Today our youth are younger and younger becoming fathers and our society has not addressed this important issue,fathers are having many children with different women and this behavior must be addressed for the sake of the chidlren. I want to ask for help because if one does not try to make change our future as Aborigianl people will worsten. My heart goes out to these men because many have never had a father either in their life. My goal and mission is to see My Dad's House become a reality, and fathers not feel ashame about themselves and if they are victims of abuse. Looking for support and partners in this much needed endaevor. Your friend.
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My Story : In short, my ex-wife has taken away visitation when ever she feels like it. In fact, she has told the children that if i call the house the kids are to not answer the phone or they will be grounded and lose all privliges. They absolutly cannot call me for any reason. I set up time to visit them at school and the teacher is behind me all the way. She cannot mess with that time. I miss them dearly and i know they miss me. I show up at school and my daughter hugs me for a very long time and almost starts crying. I am trying to do what i can but it costs so much to go back to court. There is no signs of physical abuse but i do believe that there is emotional abuse going on. They want to live with me very bad but are scarred of thier mother. I am in a tough spot and hope all will come out in the end. She even grounds them if i have a birthday party for them, it is so bad you have no idea. thanks for listening or reading rather.
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My Story : In 1993, my then four year old daughter was encouraged to say, "daddy made pee pee on me", by her maternal grandmother. That is all it takes. I went 22 months with no contact. There was no physical evidence. I passed a polygraph test and hired several well known experts in PAS, including Dr. Richard Gardner. They all testified that my daughter was suffering from PAS. There was also no convincing videotaped or audiotaped interview of my daughter that would suggest any wrongdoing on my part. Meantime, the courts used "supervised visitation" to force me out of my daughter's life. The supervisor was used to place me under a microscope and nit pick every little thing I said and did with my daughter. I had to pay for the court appointed supervisor in advance, ($50/hour) or never see my daughter. The court sealed the file "in the best interest of the child". I was held in contempt and sentenced to work release jail merely for exercising my constitutional right to freedom of speech, since the court's file was sealed, I was violating the court order by speaking the truth. I was also held in contempt for telling my daughter she was welcome in my home anytime she wants. This was also a violation of the court order. My then 80 year old mother had to be supervised as well. Restrictions on my visitation were so strict that I was not allowed to take my daughter into any private residence. All visits had to be done in a public place. Meantime, there were no criminal charges....all of this was done in Racine County Family court. Mom hand picked "experts" who testified that I suffer from "paranoid schizophrenia", mixed personality disorder, was "potentially dangerous and threatening" and "out of touch with reality" in need of psychotropic medication. Mom pettitioned the court to allow my mother and me to see my daughter one day per year, with supervision. Meantime, the court wanted me to go for "therapy". I said that I would be happy to go for "therapy" as long as the diagnosis for the therapy was for being angry at having my child taken from me and brainwashed against me. That was not good enough. They wanted me to just go for "therapy" without a diagnosis up front. All of this lasted until 2001, when my daughter was hospitalized at the age of 11 with the diagnosis of inflammatory bowel disease. Her height and weight were below the fifth percentile and her bone age was over two years delayed. Then and only then did they realize that maybe my daughter needed a father in her life. Oh, by the way, Racine County (Wisconsin) let her move to Illinois with her mommmy in 1998. Did I forget to mention that I was assessed $5123.00 per month in child support? A total of $800,000.00 in tax free (to mommy) child support. Mom is also a physician. This for one child. Meantime, Racine County received over $1.2 million dollars in federal and state matching funds for every dollar of child support assessed.
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