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Letters from parents
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My Story : My story is too much of an ongoing nightmare to consolidate but our lives( my current wife and myself ) have been wracked with turmoil and chaos, as we watch my 11 year old son, from my previous marriage, used and abused for the purpose of vengeance. The childs welfare and well being and health have never been a part of the picture and now that he is about to turn 12, the effects of the ongoing campaign are showing signs of permanent damage. With each month that goes by, the child, myself and my current wife, who battles metastatic breast cancer, are forced to endure punishment, inflicted by the childs mother because she is angry that my current marriage has lasted over 6 years and it became more intense after I had no choice but to file for a downward modification of child support as the amount I had been paying for years was financially beyond my reach due to substantial changes in my income. This is a woman who is financially very solvent and yet has never given the child a haircut. He is 11 years old and wears a size 36 pants, same size as me because his diet consists of constant fast, cheap food, when healthier choices are available just as inexpensively. His dr has shown concern for his health, as childhood obesity can easily result in diabetes ( a concern of hers ), heart disease etc. He is completely inactive, refuses to allow him to participate in sports, we have enrolled him in multiple organized sports teams and each and ever time, he is discouraged, and ulimately he refuses to go. My wife and my parents cheered him on and she broke his spirit each and every time. His vistation is withheld, she does not want him to go on school trips because she is punishing me by punishing him. He has tremendous socialization issues and is failing in school. My wife works diligently with him and he exhibits excellent response, will get and A on a particular project but fail the rest of the subjects and ultimately that subject because he refuses to do any more work. My current wife and I are constantly in touch with his teachers by email and in conference but we are discouraged from helping him because his mom tell us that we are mean to him if we take away priveleges ( like video games and tv ) until he accomplishes some reading. Yet she slaps him around all the time, her pet name is " you little ___" or you little F----" and batters him verbally all the time. He has admitted that she made him lie to the police when the came to the house investigating a "slapping incident". He is terrified of her and in order to please her or get her to cooperate, he will give her all the information she drills him about after a vsitation weekend. ( every other weekend is what is supposed to be but she withholds him, saying that he doesn't feel well which is always a lie and that she is mad at his dad so he refuses ( her accounting ) to come..In the meantime, he hates leaving us but when he goes home, there is a sudden transformation, he is antagonistic toward me and hurtful. As our phones are recorded because of her years of verbal abuse, screeching threats, foul language, there is irrefutable proof that the child isn't given clean clothes, no groooming ( huge blackheads and pimples on his face at 11 years old) , isn't required to comb his hair and goes to school smelling awful at times. This is a woman who has a lot of money, hundreds of thousands of $$ which she acquired through inheritances which she did not declare as assets, obtains programs monies slated for the poor, as a result of her "poor, single Mom " act, and has turned this child into a mental distater area, as he is torn between his love for his mother and the love he isn't allowed to feel for myself or my wife who not only maintains a clean appropriate wardrobe at our home, but sends him a complete school wardrobe and backpack and everything new at the begining of each school year. The clothes disapper and he is left to wear one pair of shorts every day, the same day in and day out, and the same pair of shoes every day 7 day s a week every day since the start of school in August. The child comes to our home and is punished and verbally battered each time he goes home until he relinguishes information about where we went that weekend, who was there, do we have anything new in oour house, what my wife bought. He has been turned into a walking video recorder and has to report back if my wife went to get a manicure ( $5 polish change ) admonishes her when she buys anything for herself ("my mom says you shouldn't buy anything, you should be sending her themoney ). My wife works and should be able to buy whatever she needs. She is as generous as she can be with the child, c beautiful "special " room which she was told he didnt need by the childs mother. My wife and her friend handpainted his room and she was beaten up in court about it. The child has never watched a disney movie with his mom, just violent deadly, blood gushing garbage and has been admitted to ( without my knowledge or consent, purposely withheld the information ) a psychiatric facility because he bluttered out, in public, that if he didn't get his way, he would kill himself. He has twice pulled a knife from a drawer in her house, never in ours and held it against himself, threatening to use it because she became so vicious toward him. He comes to our home and has tried to get passwords and pin numbers to bring home to her to be in her good favor. He lies about his schoolwork and she withholds the information. He is told not to answer the phone when he sees my # or my wifes # because she does not want us to know that he has been left home alone for extended periods. This has gone on for years. He isn't allowed to tell me anything that he knows is wrong but sometimes he just can't handle it anymore and confides in his step mom, swearing her to secrecy,for fear of his mothers retribution. He has to act angry or unfriendly to his dad on the phone because he will incur her wrath and he panics when he thinks she will be angry with him, shaking and crying. The courts have taken 2 1/2 years and still we have not been heard. My wife has tremendous proof of alienation, emails, conversations with the child that she called a physchic hotline to find out about my current marriage and squealed with joy when they told her that my wife and I would divorce. The she went to have her cards read and again, was overjoyed at the news that my marriage would fail. The child was there throughout. She sat him down and showed him the pictureso of deadbeat dads on the internet and told him that his fathers picture would be there soon. She forces him to hold the phone close to her ear whens he wants to hear the conversation with me and then grabs the phone and begins screeching, forgetting that she has been informed that there is a recording device. She constantly is grabbing the phone away from the child in direct violation and when he is at my home, he is given privacy but he usually becomes agitated when she begins the interrogation of who we are with, where are we, what is the address of the restaurant. She calls him incessantly on the cell phone which she got for free on her family plan but gave to him just so that she can call multiple times when he is with us to find out all her information without having to wait until he comes home. I cannot access his health information because she has a block on it with the insurance compnay even though I paid for it. She pre-warns anyone who comes in contact with the child whenever she can, not to allow me to try to find out what is happening with him. He is a mess emotionally but thrives when he is here until the phone rings and his mother is demanding something. She has NEVER in 11 years, picked him up or dropped him off for a visitation. NEVER but has used him to navigate to come through the back security gates to "check out" our house. This child has the ability to thrive yet he is constantly being broken and alienated into believing that his father doesn;t want him or love him, and he is severely punished if he shows signs of love or affection toward me or my wife and he has enormous potential. If left in this enviornment, he will either hurt himself, hurt someone else or fall into the abyss. We stand to lose our house ( currently in foreclosure) because the attorneys have taken it all and now walked away, tens of thousands of dollars and the attorney ( never having attended a hearing or court appearance other than to postpone because of his own issues ) left us with a deadline for a court hearing.. We are living a nightmare. I just want to pay the right amount based upon my actual income and bsed upon the fact thats he lied and withheld her true finacnial worth.. This child will be lost of we don't get some help. Thanks for listening..
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My Story : Wife of 8 years(five years ago) decides she does not love me anymore. She claims I have sexually abused the two children who were 7 and 3 five years ago. They are now 8 and 11, both are girls. Case has been in the courts for 5 years. Divorce took place three years ago. My X has convinced my two children that all the false allegations she made against me are true. I have had three groups of visitation schedules of which the X had over turned in the Appellate Court through many twisted lies. The children can almost quote verbatim each court hearing. During the first grouping of visitation my oldest daughter(8 at the time) could not understand why I could not go to her soccer game. She said my youngest daughter who was 4 at the time did not recognize me because mommy took all the pictures out of the house. During the second round of visitations, the oldest 10 hit me in the face with some items in the room and claimed that all I did when I lived at home was hurt her. Said she hated me and never wanted to see me again. The youngest daughter 6 was not sure how to act but showed me some concern over my well being. During the third round of visitations, my daughter then 11 had extreme dislike for me and would not let her sister come anywhere near me. The youngest one still showed some concern but the oldest never changed her attitude. The oldest daughter always informed the mother of happenings during visitation. I was not allowed to take photographs of the children because the mother told the girls that this was not happpen. The girls told me that I was a poor loser and always making the mother return to court. They would not accept any gifts and refused to take them home. The girls knew how to say please but did not know how to say thank you. The girls looked at the gifts as bribery. They were told not to accept money from me. The mother refused to let them return to my parents house to pick up items of theirs that they had left here. I did not have a chance to say goodbye. The mother has coached them and has convincedthem that I am bad and she is good! I love my children but they no longer love me. I miss them, they are the apple of my eye! A heartbroken father!
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My Story : I am a bit different from most of the stories because I am a mother whose ex-husband has mentally abused my son with lies about me and refused to allow me to see my son or even take my things from my home. The courts have sided with my ex-husband because I had "abandoned" the family. The truth was I was being beaten and raped by my ex-husband and when I went to press charges against him, he said he would kill me and my son. When I left I tried to get my son to come with me, but he was just starting high school and did not want to leave his friends. I knew my ex would kill me if I stayed so I left and told my son he was always welcome to stay with me. The people I went to for help thought I was joking, my ex was a fine upstanding calm man who would never harm a living thing. They just did not see the bruises. The first few months I was able to talk to my son, then my ex found our emails and that is when the alienation really began. I am bi-racial and have never tried to pass for anything other than what I am. Now my ex was bringing my race into everything. The more I tried to contact my son, the stronger the threats to my safety became. I went to the courts for them to enforce visitation only to be told like so many others...'Your son does not want to see you'. My son and I had a good relationship prior to me being forced from the home. My son went from being a fairly happy 14 year old boy starting high school. He was a good student, elite level hockey player, and liked by everyone. Within months he was getting into trouble at school, grades dropped to failing and he started hanging out with the wrong crowd. He attended a group therapy session on school's and my insistance and things went even further down hill. After my ex threatened to kill me if I ever tried to see my son again, my son dropped out of high school a month before graduation, quit playing hockey (he had been offered several scholarships to play). His long time friend had written me to see if there was something I could to to stop him from ruining his life like this, but all my attempts to contact him did not bring about any response. What breaks my heart is that my son was 14 when all of this started happening. Old enough to know better and fall for the lies. I believe he fears for his life as well as mine so he continues to have no contact with me so we can be safe. I have tried the courts to no avail. I do not have the money he does and cannot afford legal representation. My son is now almost 19 and still no word from him. I would love to have him be a part of my life again but even more I would love for him to get the professional help he needs to be a safe, happy, and balanced man who will break the pattern of abuse that started in my childhood and spilled over into his. All I can do now is pray that we both will be ok. I know I cannot trust the courts to right the wrong done in our case. I also know my ex will never try to do the right thing either.
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My Story : My ex and I separated in April 2003. From July until December of that year, I was denied access to my children. Indeed, during this time, my ex filled the children's heads with falsehoods, making them afraid of their own father. In July of 2004, as a part of our divorce, I as "granted" visitation every other weekend. She continues to ignore this order. It is now April, 2006 and so far this year I have had regular vistation with my children once. She is represented by legal conusel on a pro bono basis, and I have to pay for mine. Why must fathers "purchase" access to their own children?
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I would like to apologize in advance for the way this reads. It was
compiled a piece at a time, I have tried to edit it so it's not so rambling,
however, I've found that it's impossible for me to get thru it completely
without my emotions getting carried away and making it worse. Please, just
have a little patience with me as you read it....
I signed custody of my three children, over to my
mother in March of 1998. Within one month the youngest child, was
missing. It has been 5 years, during which my mother has drawn benefits
from the state of Louisiana on her. I have been fighting for my children
ever since I signed those papers.
On July 13, 2002 my mother and my step-father (a louisiana law enforcement
officer) brought my 2 oldest kids to me here in Kansas. They have lived with
me for 9 months. The 3rd child, who is now 6 years old, I haven't seen since
she was 13 months old. My parents SOLD her for $35,000 to another cop and
his wife who live in North Carolina. I have never been able to get ANY
attention to the fact that a child was sold. Well, let me tell you what is
going on now. I had surgery on Monday (4/14/03) and the next day, while I
was still in the hospital, the Ellis County Sherrifs Department sent an
officer to my kids school and picked them up from school, they were then
placed in protective custody and I was not allowed to see them. The next
morning my step father picked them up and returned to Louisiana with them.
My mother made a claim to the county attorney that I had come to visit the
kids over the Christmas holiday and stated that I left to take them to the
store to buy them something, and never returned with them(kidnapped them).
However, I have DOCUMENTED proof that the children have been living with me
since last July, including school records that places them here all school
year. I also have proof that she brought them to me. The county attorney
didn't ask any questions as it is a "professional courtesy" among law
enforcement officials that they help each other out, he simply said, "ok"
and sent my kids with my step father. This is the same man that molested not
only me, but my sister as well for most of our early childhood, and then
came to me totally naked when I was 15 years old and was putting his hands
all over me and such untill I ran out of the room, into my bedroom, and
locked the door until my mother returned home from work. When I told her
what had happened she said to me "How dare you accuse him of that when all
he has ever done was be a father to you". My mother and this same man locked
my sister and myself inside a mobile home in January of 1980, when I was in
the second grade, and then set the mobile home on fire and simply drove
away. When the smoke woke my sister up, she got me up, we tried to get out,
but the deadbolt on BOTH doors had been turned around so you had to have a
key to get out instead of in. The windows had been screwed shut from the
outside as well. My sister, who is 2 years older than me, then proceeded to
bust a window with a kitchen chair, knock the shards of glass out with her
barbie doll, and helped me climb out then she climbed out, too. We lived out
in the country, so there were no neighbors to run to for help, instead when
the school bus ran that morning, we got on it and went to school, still
wearing our pj's. Nobody has ever investigated this matter, and I am not
sure how much proof can be accumilated this many years later, but I will not
stop until these people pay for their crimes and my children are returned
home to me. I tried everything that I could to stop them from being taken
away, but I was powerless against the law.
Well, my mother passed away on June 15, 2003. I went to pick up my
children, but I do not have my children. I went to get them, and for my own
safety, I contacted the Morehouse Parrish Sherriff's Department when I first
got into town. I asked them to escort me out to pick up my babies, showed
them the custody papers that do NOT have my step-father's name on them at
all. They told me that they would go with me to get my children. I was
following the officer (Sgt. Hall) to the house and one mile before we got to
the house he pulled his police car over and so I also stopped. He then
informed me that "I was just told not to get involved". I was devastated, I
begged, I pleaded, I cried, I screamed, I cussed, and all of it was useless.
I refused to allow the officer to leave the site untill he told me WHY. He
said that he had called the sherriff from his car and the sherriff told him
NOT to help me. I told the officer that this man was of NO relation to my
children, I told him about him molesting me and my sister as children, I
told him about my youngest daughter being SOLD, I told him that my children
were in danger and that they HAD to be removed from that house. He replied
"if I get involved I could loose my pension". I was appalled, how could a
law emforcement officer who had taken an oath to protect and serve put his
pension before the safety of my children. I demanded an answer to that and
was informed that I had NO RIGHTS TO MY OWN CHILDREN!!! I left there and
went to the neighboring parrish and asked them what I should do. I was then
informed that had they lived in that parrish I would have my children. The
truth about the whole situation is simply that my step-father is a close
friend of the sherriff where he lives. I then asked who was the sherriff's
boss and was told "nobody". I then asked "so in other words
(the sherriff) is God in Morehouse Parrish?" and the answer I was given was
"basically yes". I was sent away again without my babies.
I have just returned from a second trip to try to get my children, this time
I went prepared with a legal pleading that I prepared myself, and an
appointment to see a judge. When I saw the judge, he told me that the
papers that I had prepared were not done correctly, and that I would have to
have an attorney. He did refer me to an attorney, who has agreed to help
me. This attorney filed a paper with the courts to have the childrend
removed from my step-father's home and brought to the courthouse, and the
judge held a hearing. During this hearing my step-father lied to the judge
and told him that I had kidnapped my children last summer (but couldn't
explain why there was never a police report filed) he also accused me of
beating my children, not feeding them, and sending them to school dirty.
All of which is a lie. The judge set it up for another hearing, to be held
on October 20, 2003, but yet again, ordered that I leave my children with
this monster. I have plenty of witnesses to the fact that I am a very good
mother and I do NOT mistreat my children, however, all of these witnesses
live here in Kansas and will not go to Louisiana to go to court. The
Uniform Child Custody Act of 1997 states that in order for a custody trial
to be held, it must be held in the child's home state, home state is defined
as "the last state that a child lived in for a consecutive six month period
of time". In our case it would be Kansas, the children will have been gone
for six months on October 15, 2003. I am going to go to court on October
20, 2003, and I will be taking my childrens' natural fathers with me. I am
also taking my childrens' natural grandmothers, my aunt, and my sister. I
am needing some sort of media attention to keep the court from allowing this
man to keep my children for good just because he happens to have friends in
law enforcement.
I want to know if any of you can think of anything that might help. I have
already contacted the FBI, US Dept. of Justice, US Marshalls, Louisianna
State Police, Child Protective Services, and I even called the local Judge
and woke him up at 3am. All of them said the same thing, "SORRY". How is it
legal for a non-relative to keep children away from their mother without ANY
TYPE OF CUSTODY PAPERS??????? I am at my wits end here, please if anybody
has any suggestions help me out here.
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My Story : -wife is party girl/drug addict/put your worst here-I was an on the road construction worker-left the bills to her-made alot-bills never payed-almost never got to see my kids-allways behind with bills-70 to 90 hrs a week working-never enough-naiveto what was going on-evicted from 6 residences in 5 years-lost everything-literally-she took kids-i kept working and paying in hopes the kids were o k-she wouldn't tell me where they were staying-all the while taunting me-8 months later she was arrested for grand theft auto-cps gave the kids to me-i put them in school where they haven't been for 6 months-my son and daughter actually had to repeat first and kindergarden-my parents fell ill in n.y.-not knowing of the wife's whereabouts we moved to n.y. to help-6mo. later she filed for custody and divorce and child support while on welfare in santa cruz ca.-she claimed spousal abuse which gave her a free place to live, a support advocate and the full support of the d.a.'s office and all of their lawyers-not having grounds for jurisdiction in the matter she filed for an emergency restraining order against me which is automatic-she filed false proof of service for same-coerced me into calling her with police present-VIOLATION!-12 other false police reports-i was charged with 4 facing 4 years in jail-i proved through a handwriting analyst that she forged the proof of service that was in her OWN HANDWRITING-i was ordered to give her the kids-give her 3000 dollars a month (which is more than i make)-this was pushed through by way of more false proof of service of court dates of which i was unaware-the court switch-hit judges starting with a judge who was assigned to drug court at the time-i proved that she lied about everything but noone is listening-the D.A. won,t listen-i,m working on the police now with little hope-i haven,t seen my kids for almost a year now-i have a 3yr restraining order barring me from contact with my kids and HER-i work she is on welfare-santa cruz ca.takes 65% of my pay and the federal gov. takes 30%-do the math-iv,e lost my appartment-my kids-my car-my mother)from a broken heart i expect)-my will to go on-please read this carefully so you know what tactics that are going to be used against you can do and take care at all cost.
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My Story : Hello. I am a father of a seven year old boy who's mother basically had nothing to do with me after his birth. The day I discovered a definition of aspects of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) on the internet, I was stunned -- it fit my wife perfectly. Men have to adapt when their wife becomes a mother and make room for the child. In the case of our dysfunctional family, mother replaced the core of the family with mother and son and the father was relegated to a voiceless, subservient interloper. I was the housekeeper, car mechanic, shopper, yard boy, wage earner, daddy and husband -- with nary a thank you and most often contempt and indifference. Her hostile silence and continual denigration of me before our son became intolerable. Despite cautions by others and our marriage counselor, she continued to covet our son and prevent him from achieving normal developmental milestones. She boldly told me that because she was the mother, she'd make all decisions as to the upbringing and care of our child. This presumably included then, the following parenting items she decided for the care of our normal if not bright and otherwise healthy son: in diapers to age 5, on the nipple to 2 weeks short of 4, repeat feeding pet food (in a vegetarian household), neglect of his health, denial of chronic illness, cradle cap to past age 5, repeat respiratory, pink eye and foreskin infections, extensive dental caries because of the breast feeding before bed and her compulsive plying him with sugary cough medicine for years (rather than get to the root of the problem), adamant that fluoride is harmful. She installed a bizarre bouncing routine to put the boy to sleep and wake him and comfort him instead of following sage advice from me, other mothers and our pediatrician to allow an infant to learn to put themselves to sleep, allowing him to watch adult language programs (them blame me for his language), choose as his primary playmate a girl 5 years his senior with emotional problems (who as expelled permanently from grade school due to abusive behavior and physical violence). Her vision of parenting was an unhealthy, exclusive and single-minded promotion of her way only. She prevented visitation, constantly denigrated me in marriage and after in front of my son, used his as a messenger and spy, told him horrible lies, tried to program him to dissuade him from seeing me and more, lots more. She insisted that our son call her boyfriend "dad". One of the most horrible things my son repeated to me (at age 6) was a remark his mother's boyfriend told him: "If your dad was not alive, things would go great". His mother promoted this behavior in her fiancé; they deserve each other however my son will continue to hear the disparagement and denigration and I fear for his welfare and emotional well being. In the face of all this, the judge was unmoved and did not believe me. Deep down, I wonder if she will succeed in her programming. I weaned our son on his first trip with his daddy (she'd had weeks of exclusive time already) and she failed to honor her inane "six month plan" to wean him (at the urging of our marriage counselor) precisely because I did not want our little boy to have that hurdle along with his first father-son trip away from his Mommy. Her neglect to wean a boy just short of four years (who kicked her in the shins for "mommy milk" was cruel. Yeah, married a sickie and that's my fault. Our son is alright despite this all (so far). My heartburn comes from the knowledge that a slick pathological liar can get their way in a court tilted to favor women. I journaled it all with dates, and description but the custody evaluator was not interested. I suggested PAS or whatever you wish to call the compilation of behaviors that a spiteful, immature aggressive and hostile parent exhibits and the custody evaluator said that there is no such thing as PAS. So, I suggested call it what you will, but please take a look at the catalog of behaviors my wife exhibits. The evaluator ignored the evidence then labeled me the alienating parent - without a single reference or example to support his allegation. I have zero regard for a family court that dismissed each of my concerns and made me the monster. My ex-wife is the very exception from which I, my son and the court needs a better grip -- she coveted the child -- usurped the child, demeaned and dismissed me as a parent -- classic alienation. The court, in its idiocy, used gender rather than facts to decide where my son would live. No, it is not fair. I speak with dads constantly who faced the same hell and found it promoted in a court system blinded by some weird duty to motherhood and political pressures. When she laid down our son to change a diaper when he was 13 months and he inhaled a rock, she did nothing. When I came home from work, she said he was wheezing. I listened and detected what seemed to be his chronic snoring and respiratory issues (which she consistently denied -- think Munchausen's syndrome). After about 2 weeks of no change in his symptoms, I asked her to describe top to bottom events and then she tells me he was playing in the gravel pile just before he began wheezing. For the second time, I command her to take our son to the Dr. At the clinic, the Dr. listens and prescribes an X-Ray. There was a flat rock wedged vertically in his airway. We have our son today despite her level of "care". Had the rock at any time turned on its side at any time day or night, he would have suffocated and we would have lost him. In court, she described her heroic participation in the rescue of our son and forgot to mention that I was even in the hospital when the removed the rock. Of course, she denied each and every one of the PAS and bizarre parenting behaviors. Coupled with her PAS, she exhibits an exquisite ability to dodge all responsibility and is a consummate and convincing blame-thrower - a PAS-oriented bitter parent coupled with aspects of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Her typical comeback would be that something never happened, she never did ti or I was mistaken. Welcome to my nightmare. What is the most frustrating is that the family court system placed my son with his mother and assailed my quest to obtain custody or joint custody as a mean-spirited tactic aimed at wasting her time and money. The system is ruinous and lacks the competence to determine parental fitness. The court is blind to all this and from my experience, our family court system is no better than a coin flip. Unfortunately, individual experience and support groups divided by gender promote continuation of bad habits and bad advice. In my case, simply asking the judge for due process was seen as antagonistic. The mother, on the other hand, nearly assured of custody by gender and not due to a lack of my time and commitment to our son, was the one who was steadfast in demands. In my case and others, the parent with less sway in court is the one most likely to be compassionate and compromise in order to make peace. It is not fair to cast a wide net and label all men as one thing or women as something else. My experience in court seemed to cement that men and women do not receive impartial treatment. The excuse of visitation or custody interference because of hate, prejudice or dislike of the other parent is an unfit argument. I don't care if the man or women does not like the other parent -- a lack of personal growth and inability to put the needs of children before one's bitterness is a poor excuse for parenting. Gender generalizations that come out of this should be used to identify prejudices and not used to solidify polar positions or fuel desperate gender bashing. We keep old wounds from healing by massaging a self-centered and self-promoting theatre. This attitude you describe is pervasive and an indicator of how little people invest in maturity and emotional growth. I appreciate the opportunity to share my story. Thank you. |
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My eldest son was abducted from me at the age of ten, seven years ago. I let him stay for a holiday visit with his father in the Middle East, and when I went to recover him a few weeks later, my son refused to see and/or talk to me. He ran away from me when I tried to recover him. Although I had custody of him, the social workers would not allow me to see him unsupervised saying that my son is terrified of me and he doesn't want to be with me. I refused supervised visitation (as the psychiatrist recommended me not to have supervised visits) since I felt that they were giving my son the wrong message-- as if in danger with me. Now he is seventeen and I am finally reestablishing a relationship with him. It has been a long journey of patience and self growth. No parent should give up hope of reuniting with their child. |
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My Story : It's hard not to be very emotional, and maybe a little disjointed in my story, as this is about my "daddy's girl". Feel free to rearrange/edit as you wish. My story is a 3-year custody battle, so far (my daughter just turned 4). Not much "battle" occurred over the 3 years--I'm the father, so I appear to have no rights in South Louisiana, and the court takes months just to become available to discuss the latest denial of visitation. Our daughter is held 1200 miles away from the family home by a move away mom, isolated from her only 3 siblings (of which I have shared custody, because their mother and I cared much more for them than we did our petty differences). I have been flying back and forth every couple weeks to bring my little girl home for my little allotted visitation time, which must be constantly fought for and ordered by the judge since the mother doesn't think our daughter should have to travel out of Louisiana (where we never lived, and were never residents). It's the tragedy of a move away mother--one who moved away, not from anything I did (I welcomed her back 50-60 times), but one who was running away from herself, and her abusive childhood memories. She ran away from 2 therapists who told her she had a severe mood disorder, and should be on medication. She blew up and ran away, suing sole custody, and yelling that I should give up our daughter for adoption to the next man she was going to go find. Even one of the nation's PA experts wrote "that was a sure sign that her alienation attempts will continue". The judge told the mother to her face that "keeping her away from her father is PA, and that's a form of child abuse". The mother continued to deny visitation, and then was successful arguing it was too much travel for our daughter, so my visits were cut from 2 weeks down to 1 week, which meant every weekend was spent in airports with my precious little gir...but it was very tiring and traumatic for us both. I am the defendant--I refused to divorce the mother of my daughter, nor provide her with an excuse to leave. I love her, even though she physically and emotionally abused me--she just needed help, as the psychologists (5, now) told her...and I love, more than anything in the world, my children. They all need both their mommy and daddy, no matter what. The mom took our daughter to Louisiana, cut off all contact, and sued for sole custody in a state where we NEVER lived. She was not a legal resident at the time--the family home was in Virginia, where I still reside because we moved her to follow my children (decided well before our daughter was born). The first court-appointed custody evaluator was reprimanded by the state licensing board for an erroneous evaluation (he ignored attempted suicide and the acts of child abuse performed by the mom). The judge granted a second evaluator who clearly stated the best thing for our child was for the mom to move back to Virginia, since she NEEDS her father and 3 siblings, and time away from her dad WILL HURT our little girl. He actually reported that what she is doing by keeping our girl so far away WILL hurt our daughter, but she ignores it anyway. The evaluator went so far as to call me a victim, the "disenfranchised Dad", but it already cost my family over a $100K to defend my father's right (and my daughter's need to have her father). Any suggestions are welcome...I am beyond broke; my parents are broke; the 4 siblings are ripped apart by 1200 miles; my daughter is alienated for 10 months of the year, now, since it is impossible for me to afford the plane tickets, let alone afford to remain living in the area of the family home and keep a job, here... ALL because of woman, who ran away from psychologists so many times, abused all 4 children and me, and wants to hide out in South Louisiana (and has created yet another complete personality). The alienation attempts are constant, from the mom yelling and blaming me over the phone with our little girl right there, to insisting I give her up for adoption, to the extremely long distance she put in between us. After a few days back with mom, she won't talk on the phone, and sleeps her life away, depressed, or angry. I can see and hear it in my little girl's voice that she becomes very upset and doesn't understand why "daddy" makes her go back to "mommy" all the time--I am the one ordered to do all the travel, so it is me carrying her through the airports when she is crying that she wants her mommy AND daddy. Then she gets on the phone, for example, and says "daddy, I no love you...daddy, I no love you". Where do you suppose she gets that from? It sure isn't from me. As painful as it is, when my little girl says she misses mommy, I say "I miss mommy too, and you'll see her soon", or "let's call her"...and she gets on the phone and tells her mother, "mommy...come home...daddy and I miss you". I guess I can honestly say, thank God, the alienation is not permanent, so far...but, now she is being put in Pre-K to keep her away from me. That is going to mess her up for 10 months of the year. I wish there were someone that could help my little girl who needs both parents--not a visitor.
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My Story : cue Rod Serling: "Picture if you will...." I'm sure all of our stories seem like Twilight Zone episodes. Mine began over four years ago when my wife of 9 years began therapy for bi-polar disorder with a lesbian "professional" whose treatment included not only divorce from me but a new "happy family" for my ex-wife with her and my three small children ages 7,7, 3 in tow. The P.A.S. intensified two years ago with false allegations of abuse/molestation against me which I disproved in court to regain my visitation. When I filed for custody (on the advice of the police/CPS investigators), however, new allegations surfaced 6 months later with new investigators, replete with restraining order against me this time around. I have been fighting for eight months to get my visitation restored and a custody hearing to no avail. In the meantime, the superintendent of the public school at which I have taught/coached for 29 years has placed me on suspension and is calling for my termination. Still, my faith, which is intricately tied to all of you other targeted parents, remains strong in the fact that I have truly done nothing wrong and, in fact, am trying to right an egregious wrong. I refuse to believe my ex-wife's power to destroy our family is greater than my power to protect it.
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My Story : My son is 15 and half years old and I have not had a real conversation, a hug, a warm look from him in more than four years. When I left my very unhappy marriage more than four years ago, my ex-husband threatened to kill himself, called me a "whore" and then began an unrelenting process of trying to convince our three children that I was one of the most terrible people on earth. My older children, felt confused, but ultimately were able to resist the alienation and maintain a relationship with both parents. My younger son, spiraled downward to a place where he became convinced that I had given birth to him and essentially abandoned him. All of the positive memories of our loving relationship over 12 years seem to have been erased. Over the past four years, I have brought in some of the foremost experts on parental alienation in the country (12 different psychologists) who have all, without exception, declared that our situation is one of the worst cases of parental alienation that they have ever seen. Every single intervention that I have tried over the past four years has been undermined by a court system that is unwilling to take strong action, even in the face of terrible child abuse that just happens to be emotional, rather than physical. At this point, my son is living with his mentally ill father in a one-room apartment. His father is unemployed and the only income he receives is child support from me. My son will not talk to me or visit me and there seems to be nothing else I can do. I grieve every day for the loss of my son who until he was 12 years old, never let a day go by when he didn't tell me he loved me.
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My Story : My story is so disturbing that I decided to write a book titled "A Father's Cry - My Fight for Justice" available at http://www.lulu.com/content/223082 Over the last 9 years the mother of my children has done everything possible to keep the ATM machine running. Using my three little children as pawns in a terrible game of Family Law Chess. This is a little about the book: This book is about many things, and it is about one thing. A Father's Cry focuses on love. It's about love and how important it is in raising your children. Of course love is essential in any child's life. It is especially vital for kids to know that both parents love them. When my twins, Kolton and Wyatt, were first born and later my daughter Addyson came into this world, I never realized how complicated and difficult it would be to get to know my children, to be a part of their lives, and to share my love with them. You must be wondering-"Why was it so difficult for him to be with his kids?" Was I in prison? No. Did I live in another country or thousands of miles away? No. Am I a sex offender? No. Perhaps I'm a Dead Beat Dad? Not even close. I'm not a criminal; I live within an hour of my kids; and I've always provided for them. My "crime" was and still is that I am a father. It's that simple.
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My Story : I am with community develoment here in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. i see many fahters that are alienated from their chidlren. There isn't much for fathers or men in general. The balance and cultural component for Aboriginal people have been lost I am wanting to help our fathers. I am now doing my homework of research and came accross your site. I have seen the population of our Aboriginal fathers that have and feel no hope. Many are incarcerated and others just are not apart of their chidlren lives because of past histories. I relaize that it must be mothers and eduator like myself to make some waves of change. children need their fathers. I am developing a proposal and I want to dedicate myelf to help these forgotten individuals. Today our youth are younger and younger becoming fathers and our society has not addressed this important issue,fathers are having many children with different women and this behavior must be addressed for the sake of the chidlren. I want to ask for help because if one does not try to make change our future as Aborigianl people will worsten. My heart goes out to these men because many have never had a father either in their life. My goal and mission is to see My Dad's House become a reality, and fathers not feel ashame about themselves and if they are victims of abuse. Looking for support and partners in this much needed endaevor. Your friend.
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My Story : In short, my ex-wife has taken away visitation when ever she feels like it. In fact, she has told the children that if i call the house the kids are to not answer the phone or they will be grounded and lose all privliges. They absolutly cannot call me for any reason. I set up time to visit them at school and the teacher is behind me all the way. She cannot mess with that time. I miss them dearly and i know they miss me. I show up at school and my daughter hugs me for a very long time and almost starts crying. I am trying to do what i can but it costs so much to go back to court. There is no signs of physical abuse but i do believe that there is emotional abuse going on. They want to live with me very bad but are scarred of thier mother. I am in a tough spot and hope all will come out in the end. She even grounds them if i have a birthday party for them, it is so bad you have no idea. thanks for listening or reading rather.
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My Story : In 1993, my then four year old daughter was encouraged to say, "daddy made pee pee on me", by her maternal grandmother. That is all it takes. I went 22 months with no contact. There was no physical evidence. I passed a polygraph test and hired several well known experts in PAS, including Dr. Richard Gardner. They all testified that my daughter was suffering from PAS. There was also no convincing videotaped or audiotaped interview of my daughter that would suggest any wrongdoing on my part. Meantime, the courts used "supervised visitation" to force me out of my daughter's life. The supervisor was used to place me under a microscope and nit pick every little thing I said and did with my daughter. I had to pay for the court appointed supervisor in advance, ($50/hour) or never see my daughter. The court sealed the file "in the best interest of the child". I was held in contempt and sentenced to work release jail merely for exercising my constitutional right to freedom of speech, since the court's file was sealed, I was violating the court order by speaking the truth. I was also held in contempt for telling my daughter she was welcome in my home anytime she wants. This was also a violation of the court order. My then 80 year old mother had to be supervised as well. Restrictions on my visitation were so strict that I was not allowed to take my daughter into any private residence. All visits had to be done in a public place. Meantime, there were no criminal charges....all of this was done in Racine County Family court. Mom hand picked "experts" who testified that I suffer from "paranoid schizophrenia", mixed personality disorder, was "potentially dangerous and threatening" and "out of touch with reality" in need of psychotropic medication. Mom pettitioned the court to allow my mother and me to see my daughter one day per year, with supervision. Meantime, the court wanted me to go for "therapy". I said that I would be happy to go for "therapy" as long as the diagnosis for the therapy was for being angry at having my child taken from me and brainwashed against me. That was not good enough. They wanted me to just go for "therapy" without a diagnosis up front. All of this lasted until 2001, when my daughter was hospitalized at the age of 11 with the diagnosis of inflammatory bowel disease. Her height and weight were below the fifth percentile and her bone age was over two years delayed. Then and only then did they realize that maybe my daughter needed a father in her life. Oh, by the way, Racine County (Wisconsin) let her move to Illinois with her mommmy in 1998. Did I forget to mention that I was assessed $5123.00 per month in child support? A total of $800,000.00 in tax free (to mommy) child support. Mom is also a physician. This for one child. Meantime, Racine County received over $1.2 million dollars in federal and state matching funds for every dollar of child support assessed.
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My Story : I failed to put my name on the story right below here, and I am very sorry for that. My name is Bessie Hudgins. I live in Georgia. I am a 57 year old mother of 2, step mother of 3 and grandmother of 14. I had to live 57 years to get this old...and what a journey it has been. I was so ashamed of my story that for many years I kept it inside. I felt sharing it would make me look like the bad person I always felt I was growing up...but I have learned in the past few years that sharing our stories...is the only way to get the word out...the only way to try to stop this horrible crime. We are all a product of our childhood. Sad MeMa
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Hello
I have just found your website and I wish we were not in th UK right
now or we would be at your event in an instant!
My partner has just had the final verdict on a court case where he has
now been denied all access to his 4 beautiful children. The case
presents itself as PA-quite incredible to read about it. Indeed my
partners ex wife herself was bought up in the exact same circumstances
and has never attempted to make contact with her biological father.
From reading some websites over the weekend we have now made contact
with a lovely Dr Lowenstein in the UK . and we are praying that we
can get an appeal agreed-with this very experienced and highly
qualified psychologist .
My partner has great belief and will not give up his cause for justice
and I will back him all the way.
Please keep us informed of any developments.
Good luck with your cause and hope that the event is a huge success!
KInd Regards
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My Story : My husband has been alienated from all three of his children from a previous marriage for about the past five years now. I thought I would include some articles that were posted on another site that show the extent of the PAS we've experienced. Illinois Dad Pays Tuition to Avoid Six-Month Incarceration by Lisa Miller FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE CONTACT: Mary Kuris SecondWivesCafe.Com +1 916 359 6543 fax +1 801 749 8940 mary@secondwivescafe.com http://secondwivescafe.com McHENRY COUNTY, Ill., JANUARY 24, 2004 -Father paid nearly $4000 yesterday for his grown daughter's college tuition in order to avoid being sent to jail on a six-month work release. He told reporters at the McHenry County Courthouse yesterdaythat he'd funded the payment with a credit card advance, loans from his family and friends, and his entire paycheck for the next two weeks, rather than be jailed. "I had no real choice," he said. "My wife and infant son rely on me to provide their basic needs." HIs case will be heard by an an Illinois appeals court next month. The father will argue that Judge Joseph P. Condon's August 2003 ruling should be overturned, as it does not adequately consider his ability to pay college tuition bills. Judge Condon had ordered the father to pay his former wife for the tuition expenses of their 18-year-old daughter. In addition, his paychecks would have been seized 100% by the state of Illinois until the full initial court-ordered amount of $3,870.18 was paid in full. He could continue to be held responsible for his daughter's college expenses should she continue in school. The father and his former wife, who divorced in 1999, agreed at the time that "the amount and extent of contribution on the part of each party for vocational, college and/or university expenses of said minor children will be dependent upon the financial ability of that party at the time". The former wife earns a comparable salary and holds savings in excess of the amount the father has been ordered to pay. In addition to paying more than $20,000 per year in child support payments to his former wife for the care of his children, and having never been in arrears, the father has a young son with his second wife who suffers from a condition involving his larynx and vocal cords. Monthly surgery is necessary for the child to maintain an unobstructed airway and normal voice development. The surgeries and routine care of this disease costs this man approximately $500 per month. McHenry County Circuit Court Associate Judge Joseph P. Condon told him earlier this month that the special needs of his young son were of no concern to him, and that his current wife would have to deal with the ramifications of losing 100% of her husband's income. Condon added that the children of the first marriage were a priority over the ill one-year-old son. The other children also include a 16-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son. Even though the father has made regular attempts at exercising his visitation with his children, none of the three children from his first marriage currently have any contact with their father. The father has had no contact with his 18-year-old daughter in more than three years. According to his second wife, the couple made an offer to pay a "more reasonable" amount of the 18-year-old's college tuition needs, citing the medical condition of the one-year-old, but the offer was refused. Condon has also ordered the father to pay all of his former wife's attorney's fees. Courts in Pennsylvania have ruled that forcing divorced parents to pay for their children's college expenses is unconstitutional, citing the fact that parents from intact families cannot be legally compelled to provide the same assistance, while New Hampshire's state legislature is currently in the process of passing a law which would prevent divorced parents from being held liable for post-high school education expenses.
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From: form@parental-alienation-awareness.com
Sent: Monday, April 24, 2006 11:51 PM
To: info@parental-alienation-awareness.com
My Story : My ex and I have been divorced officially for almost 2 years. We have a son, who just turned 4, and the last several months have been extremely difficult. My ex has several of the symptoms of a Parental Alienator. On multiple occasions, she has not called and not shown up for visitation, she has convinced our son that I'm mean and hurtful, tried to provoke physical altercations in his presence, moved 100 miles away and not told me until she was there already, withheld medical treatment/appointments, enrolled him in school without discussing with me and has spent countless times voicing her disparaging opinion about me in front of our son, her friends, her relatives, my friends and relatives and anyone who would listen. She's even gone as far as going into court and accusing me of Mental and Emotional Child Abuse when she has him 90% of the time. The sad truth is this behavior was shown to her. Her biological dad had an ex wife that he and she were the Poster Children for Parental Alienation and Agressive Parenting. They spent years in a tug of war over my ex brother in laws because he didn't want to pay her child support and she wanted him to suffer until his dying day because he left her. This woman has been deceased for at least 10 years and my ex father in law still makes jokes about how he once punched her a la Mike Tyson/Robin Givens as well as he still rejoices over how upset his first wife got when she found out he was getting remarried. My ex has a few tricks of her own but she learned early on how to manipulate and has been very good at it every since. I still have 14 years to go that I have to deal directly with my ex and I hope that someday, I feel like I have better choices than what I feel now. If feels like best case scenario, my son gets destroyed-mentally and emotionally. Worse case scenario, he and I both get destroyed, mentally and emotionally. I will volunteer to help in this crisis because if I can make sure that 1 kid doesn't have to live like that, it'll be well worth it...
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In short, my ex-wife has taken away visitation when ever she feels like it. In fact, she has told the children that if i call the house the kids are to not answer the phone or they will be grounded and lose all privliges. They absolutly cannot call me for any reason. I set up time to visit them at school and the teacher is behind me all the way. She cannot mess with that time. I miss them dearly and i know they miss me. I show up at school and my daughter hugs me for a very long time and almost starts crying. I am trying to do what i can but it costs so much to go back to court. There is no signs of physical abuse but i do believe that there is emotional abuse going on. They want to live with me very bad but are scarred of thier mother. I am in a tough spot and hope all will come out in the end. She even grounds them if i have a birthday party for them, it is so bad you have no idea. thanks for listening or reading rather. |
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15 years in a home becouse of my father and know it is happening to my children. My x breaks all the court orders and the court does nothing. My yougest child does not even know me she does not know the love i have for her and her sister. i have to stop now as this hurts too much. |
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My Story : My boyfried has recently been fighting his ex to see his son who is now three. The last time he see his son was when he was about 14mths old. Since then he has been in and out of courts to see his son. His ex is so evil and just does not want him to be a part of his sons like. The bad thing about it, is the judge that has been over this case is just a family friend and until the day the judge gets off the bench, there will be no chance that my boyfriend will get to see his son. I feel his son knows who he is, and does wonder where he has gone to. For a mother to keep a child away from a father who really wants to see his son, should rot in hell. There isn,t much that we can do now until that judge gets off the bench. I wish there was something someone could do to help us get a dad and son to reunite.
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My Story : A woman scorned has the courts to met out her fury. A father of limited means (after 52 percent taxes and child support are TAKEN off the top of his paycheck) has to pay and stay away, unless he is willing to open whats left of his wallet, himself and his children up to the hell of that rage and bureaucracy. "For the children" is the term used when a politician is reaching in you back pocket while patting you on the back. Hey, lets go play the "Education Lottery".
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My Story : While getting divorced, my ex wife asked me to drop out of my
3 year old daughter's life and offered to take no alimony as part of her
"deal". I told her my daughter was not for sale. Over the next four
years she systematically aliented me from my daughter. She did this by
bad mouthing me in the presence of my daughter nd making it well known
that she hated me and that to be accepted by her mother she must hate me
too. I was accused of physically abusing my daughter several times and
when I beat this in court, she then escalated it to the next step,
sexual abuse. Both times my daughter either told teachers or her
psychologist that I did these things. The sexual abuse allegation
occurred in 6/05 and as of this writing (4/06) I still have not seen my
daughter. It has been in court in two States (MD & NJ) since my ex now
lives in MD. In 12/05 all allegations were dismissed against me and I
was scheduled to pick up my daughter for the weekend. Instead of my ex
showing up, she took my daughter to the hospital and then had her
transferred to a psych hospital alleging a psychological breakdown. I
believe she did have a breakdown due to how the mother has positioned
things in my daughter's mind. I am still in court dealing with
psychological experts my ex hired who are saying that I did sexually
abuse my daughter as the symptoms suggest this. I have also spent
$100,000 over the past year on legal fees and experts. If your ex wife
had access to money (as my ex does through her mother) and she is bitter
about the divorce, you better watch out and do what you can to either
keep the peace or go for full custody. If you go for custody beware of
the child being used as a pawn and all kinds of brutal tactics. Prepare
yourself for a long expensive psyhcologically damaging battle foa ll
parties. Don't expect the courts to help either. They are in no rush and
DO NOT care that you are going broke. Closure is not important to them.
Seeing a show/trial is what they want to see as it's their job.......
Signed, Frustrated and broke Dad in NJ
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My Story : My son and I are victims of parental alienation by CPS who lied right from the start about everything. The social worker kept all the letters I had written to my son on his desk. My son didn't know if I was dead or just didn't care. I wondered the same. Please visit my web site: http://www.msnusers.com/FreeVincentBooth
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