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Letters from parents
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My Story : My son is 15 and half years old and I have not had a real conversation, a hug, a warm look from him in more than four years. When I left my very unhappy marriage more than four years ago, my ex-husband threatened to kill himself, called me a "whore" and then began an unrelenting process of trying to convince our three children that I was one of the most terrible people on earth. My older children, felt confused, but ultimately were able to resist the alienation and maintain a relationship with both parents. My younger son, spiraled downward to a place where he became convinced that I had given birth to him and essentially abandoned him. All of the positive memories of our loving relationship over 12 years seem to have been erased. Over the past four years, I have brought in some of the foremost experts on parental alienation in the country (12 different psychologists) who have all, without exception, declared that our situation is one of the worst cases of parental alienation that they have ever seen. Every single intervention that I have tried over the past four years has been undermined by a court system that is unwilling to take strong action, even in the face of terrible child abuse that just happens to be emotional, rather than physical. At this point, my son is living with his mentally ill father in a one-room apartment. His father is unemployed and the only income he receives is child support from me. My son will not talk to me or visit me and there seems to be nothing else I can do. I grieve every day for the loss of my son who until he was 12 years old, never let a day go by when he didn't tell me he loved me.
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My Story : My story is so disturbing that I decided to write a book titled "A Father's Cry - My Fight for Justice" available at http://www.lulu.com/content/223082 Over the last 9 years the mother of my children has done everything possible to keep the ATM machine running. Using my three little children as pawns in a terrible game of Family Law Chess. This is a little about the book: This book is about many things, and it is about one thing. A Father's Cry focuses on love. It's about love and how important it is in raising your children. Of course love is essential in any child's life. It is especially vital for kids to know that both parents love them. When my twins, Kolton and Wyatt, were first born and later my daughter Addyson came into this world, I never realized how complicated and difficult it would be to get to know my children, to be a part of their lives, and to share my love with them. You must be wondering-"Why was it so difficult for him to be with his kids?" Was I in prison? No. Did I live in another country or thousands of miles away? No. Am I a sex offender? No. Perhaps I'm a Dead Beat Dad? Not even close. I'm not a criminal; I live within an hour of my kids; and I've always provided for them. My "crime" was and still is that I am a father. It's that simple.
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My Story : I am with community develoment here in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. i see many fahters that are alienated from their chidlren. There isn't much for fathers or men in general. The balance and cultural component for Aboriginal people have been lost I am wanting to help our fathers. I am now doing my homework of research and came accross your site. I have seen the population of our Aboriginal fathers that have and feel no hope. Many are incarcerated and others just are not apart of their chidlren lives because of past histories. I relaize that it must be mothers and eduator like myself to make some waves of change. children need their fathers. I am developing a proposal and I want to dedicate myelf to help these forgotten individuals. Today our youth are younger and younger becoming fathers and our society has not addressed this important issue,fathers are having many children with different women and this behavior must be addressed for the sake of the chidlren. I want to ask for help because if one does not try to make change our future as Aborigianl people will worsten. My heart goes out to these men because many have never had a father either in their life. My goal and mission is to see My Dad's House become a reality, and fathers not feel ashame about themselves and if they are victims of abuse. Looking for support and partners in this much needed endaevor. Your friend.
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My Story : In short, my ex-wife has taken away visitation when ever she feels like it. In fact, she has told the children that if i call the house the kids are to not answer the phone or they will be grounded and lose all privliges. They absolutly cannot call me for any reason. I set up time to visit them at school and the teacher is behind me all the way. She cannot mess with that time. I miss them dearly and i know they miss me. I show up at school and my daughter hugs me for a very long time and almost starts crying. I am trying to do what i can but it costs so much to go back to court. There is no signs of physical abuse but i do believe that there is emotional abuse going on. They want to live with me very bad but are scarred of thier mother. I am in a tough spot and hope all will come out in the end. She even grounds them if i have a birthday party for them, it is so bad you have no idea. thanks for listening or reading rather.
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My Story : In 1993, my then four year old daughter was encouraged to say, "daddy made pee pee on me", by her maternal grandmother. That is all it takes. I went 22 months with no contact. There was no physical evidence. I passed a polygraph test and hired several well known experts in PAS, including Dr. Richard Gardner. They all testified that my daughter was suffering from PAS. There was also no convincing videotaped or audiotaped interview of my daughter that would suggest any wrongdoing on my part. Meantime, the courts used "supervised visitation" to force me out of my daughter's life. The supervisor was used to place me under a microscope and nit pick every little thing I said and did with my daughter. I had to pay for the court appointed supervisor in advance, ($50/hour) or never see my daughter. The court sealed the file "in the best interest of the child". I was held in contempt and sentenced to work release jail merely for exercising my constitutional right to freedom of speech, since the court's file was sealed, I was violating the court order by speaking the truth. I was also held in contempt for telling my daughter she was welcome in my home anytime she wants. This was also a violation of the court order. My then 80 year old mother had to be supervised as well. Restrictions on my visitation were so strict that I was not allowed to take my daughter into any private residence. All visits had to be done in a public place. Meantime, there were no criminal charges....all of this was done in Racine County Family court. Mom hand picked "experts" who testified that I suffer from "paranoid schizophrenia", mixed personality disorder, was "potentially dangerous and threatening" and "out of touch with reality" in need of psychotropic medication. Mom pettitioned the court to allow my mother and me to see my daughter one day per year, with supervision. Meantime, the court wanted me to go for "therapy". I said that I would be happy to go for "therapy" as long as the diagnosis for the therapy was for being angry at having my child taken from me and brainwashed against me. That was not good enough. They wanted me to just go for "therapy" without a diagnosis up front. All of this lasted until 2001, when my daughter was hospitalized at the age of 11 with the diagnosis of inflammatory bowel disease. Her height and weight were below the fifth percentile and her bone age was over two years delayed. Then and only then did they realize that maybe my daughter needed a father in her life. Oh, by the way, Racine County (Wisconsin) let her move to Illinois with her mommmy in 1998. Did I forget to mention that I was assessed $5123.00 per month in child support? A total of $800,000.00 in tax free (to mommy) child support. Mom is also a physician. This for one child. Meantime, Racine County received over $1.2 million dollars in federal and state matching funds for every dollar of child support assessed.
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My Story : I failed to put my name on the story right below here, and I am very sorry for that. My name is Bessie Hudgins. I live in Georgia. I am a 57 year old mother of 2, step mother of 3 and grandmother of 14. I had to live 57 years to get this old...and what a journey it has been. I was so ashamed of my story that for many years I kept it inside. I felt sharing it would make me look like the bad person I always felt I was growing up...but I have learned in the past few years that sharing our stories...is the only way to get the word out...the only way to try to stop this horrible crime. We are all a product of our childhood. Sad MeMa
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Hello
I have just found your website and I wish we were not in th UK right
now or we would be at your event in an instant!
My partner has just had the final verdict on a court case where he has
now been denied all access to his 4 beautiful children. The case
presents itself as PA-quite incredible to read about it. Indeed my
partners ex wife herself was bought up in the exact same circumstances
and has never attempted to make contact with her biological father.
From reading some websites over the weekend we have now made contact
with a lovely Dr Lowenstein in the UK . and we are praying that we
can get an appeal agreed-with this very experienced and highly
qualified psychologist .
My partner has great belief and will not give up his cause for justice
and I will back him all the way.
Please keep us informed of any developments.
Good luck with your cause and hope that the event is a huge success!
KInd Regards
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My Story : My husband has been alienated from all three of his children from a previous marriage for about the past five years now. I thought I would include some articles that were posted on another site that show the extent of the PAS we've experienced. Illinois Dad Pays Tuition to Avoid Six-Month Incarceration by Lisa Miller FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE CONTACT: Mary Kuris SecondWivesCafe.Com +1 916 359 6543 fax +1 801 749 8940 mary@secondwivescafe.com http://secondwivescafe.com McHENRY COUNTY, Ill., JANUARY 24, 2004 -Father paid nearly $4000 yesterday for his grown daughter's college tuition in order to avoid being sent to jail on a six-month work release. He told reporters at the McHenry County Courthouse yesterdaythat he'd funded the payment with a credit card advance, loans from his family and friends, and his entire paycheck for the next two weeks, rather than be jailed. "I had no real choice," he said. "My wife and infant son rely on me to provide their basic needs." HIs case will be heard by an an Illinois appeals court next month. The father will argue that Judge Joseph P. Condon's August 2003 ruling should be overturned, as it does not adequately consider his ability to pay college tuition bills. Judge Condon had ordered the father to pay his former wife for the tuition expenses of their 18-year-old daughter. In addition, his paychecks would have been seized 100% by the state of Illinois until the full initial court-ordered amount of $3,870.18 was paid in full. He could continue to be held responsible for his daughter's college expenses should she continue in school. The father and his former wife, who divorced in 1999, agreed at the time that "the amount and extent of contribution on the part of each party for vocational, college and/or university expenses of said minor children will be dependent upon the financial ability of that party at the time". The former wife earns a comparable salary and holds savings in excess of the amount the father has been ordered to pay. In addition to paying more than $20,000 per year in child support payments to his former wife for the care of his children, and having never been in arrears, the father has a young son with his second wife who suffers from a condition involving his larynx and vocal cords. Monthly surgery is necessary for the child to maintain an unobstructed airway and normal voice development. The surgeries and routine care of this disease costs this man approximately $500 per month. McHenry County Circuit Court Associate Judge Joseph P. Condon told him earlier this month that the special needs of his young son were of no concern to him, and that his current wife would have to deal with the ramifications of losing 100% of her husband's income. Condon added that the children of the first marriage were a priority over the ill one-year-old son. The other children also include a 16-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son. Even though the father has made regular attempts at exercising his visitation with his children, none of the three children from his first marriage currently have any contact with their father. The father has had no contact with his 18-year-old daughter in more than three years. According to his second wife, the couple made an offer to pay a "more reasonable" amount of the 18-year-old's college tuition needs, citing the medical condition of the one-year-old, but the offer was refused. Condon has also ordered the father to pay all of his former wife's attorney's fees. Courts in Pennsylvania have ruled that forcing divorced parents to pay for their children's college expenses is unconstitutional, citing the fact that parents from intact families cannot be legally compelled to provide the same assistance, while New Hampshire's state legislature is currently in the process of passing a law which would prevent divorced parents from being held liable for post-high school education expenses.
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From: form@parental-alienation-awareness.com
Sent: Monday, April 24, 2006 11:51 PM
To: info@parental-alienation-awareness.com
My Story : My ex and I have been divorced officially for almost 2 years. We have a son, who just turned 4, and the last several months have been extremely difficult. My ex has several of the symptoms of a Parental Alienator. On multiple occasions, she has not called and not shown up for visitation, she has convinced our son that I'm mean and hurtful, tried to provoke physical altercations in his presence, moved 100 miles away and not told me until she was there already, withheld medical treatment/appointments, enrolled him in school without discussing with me and has spent countless times voicing her disparaging opinion about me in front of our son, her friends, her relatives, my friends and relatives and anyone who would listen. She's even gone as far as going into court and accusing me of Mental and Emotional Child Abuse when she has him 90% of the time. The sad truth is this behavior was shown to her. Her biological dad had an ex wife that he and she were the Poster Children for Parental Alienation and Agressive Parenting. They spent years in a tug of war over my ex brother in laws because he didn't want to pay her child support and she wanted him to suffer until his dying day because he left her. This woman has been deceased for at least 10 years and my ex father in law still makes jokes about how he once punched her a la Mike Tyson/Robin Givens as well as he still rejoices over how upset his first wife got when she found out he was getting remarried. My ex has a few tricks of her own but she learned early on how to manipulate and has been very good at it every since. I still have 14 years to go that I have to deal directly with my ex and I hope that someday, I feel like I have better choices than what I feel now. If feels like best case scenario, my son gets destroyed-mentally and emotionally. Worse case scenario, he and I both get destroyed, mentally and emotionally. I will volunteer to help in this crisis because if I can make sure that 1 kid doesn't have to live like that, it'll be well worth it...
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In short, my ex-wife has taken away visitation when ever she feels like it. In fact, she has told the children that if i call the house the kids are to not answer the phone or they will be grounded and lose all privliges. They absolutly cannot call me for any reason. I set up time to visit them at school and the teacher is behind me all the way. She cannot mess with that time. I miss them dearly and i know they miss me. I show up at school and my daughter hugs me for a very long time and almost starts crying. I am trying to do what i can but it costs so much to go back to court. There is no signs of physical abuse but i do believe that there is emotional abuse going on. They want to live with me very bad but are scarred of thier mother. I am in a tough spot and hope all will come out in the end. She even grounds them if i have a birthday party for them, it is so bad you have no idea. thanks for listening or reading rather. |
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15 years in a home becouse of my father and know it is happening to my children. My x breaks all the court orders and the court does nothing. My yougest child does not even know me she does not know the love i have for her and her sister. i have to stop now as this hurts too much. |
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My Story : My boyfried has recently been fighting his ex to see his son who is now three. The last time he see his son was when he was about 14mths old. Since then he has been in and out of courts to see his son. His ex is so evil and just does not want him to be a part of his sons like. The bad thing about it, is the judge that has been over this case is just a family friend and until the day the judge gets off the bench, there will be no chance that my boyfriend will get to see his son. I feel his son knows who he is, and does wonder where he has gone to. For a mother to keep a child away from a father who really wants to see his son, should rot in hell. There isn,t much that we can do now until that judge gets off the bench. I wish there was something someone could do to help us get a dad and son to reunite.
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My Story : A woman scorned has the courts to met out her fury. A father of limited means (after 52 percent taxes and child support are TAKEN off the top of his paycheck) has to pay and stay away, unless he is willing to open whats left of his wallet, himself and his children up to the hell of that rage and bureaucracy. "For the children" is the term used when a politician is reaching in you back pocket while patting you on the back. Hey, lets go play the "Education Lottery".
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My Story : While getting divorced, my ex wife asked me to drop out of my
3 year old daughter's life and offered to take no alimony as part of her
"deal". I told her my daughter was not for sale. Over the next four
years she systematically aliented me from my daughter. She did this by
bad mouthing me in the presence of my daughter nd making it well known
that she hated me and that to be accepted by her mother she must hate me
too. I was accused of physically abusing my daughter several times and
when I beat this in court, she then escalated it to the next step,
sexual abuse. Both times my daughter either told teachers or her
psychologist that I did these things. The sexual abuse allegation
occurred in 6/05 and as of this writing (4/06) I still have not seen my
daughter. It has been in court in two States (MD & NJ) since my ex now
lives in MD. In 12/05 all allegations were dismissed against me and I
was scheduled to pick up my daughter for the weekend. Instead of my ex
showing up, she took my daughter to the hospital and then had her
transferred to a psych hospital alleging a psychological breakdown. I
believe she did have a breakdown due to how the mother has positioned
things in my daughter's mind. I am still in court dealing with
psychological experts my ex hired who are saying that I did sexually
abuse my daughter as the symptoms suggest this. I have also spent
$100,000 over the past year on legal fees and experts. If your ex wife
had access to money (as my ex does through her mother) and she is bitter
about the divorce, you better watch out and do what you can to either
keep the peace or go for full custody. If you go for custody beware of
the child being used as a pawn and all kinds of brutal tactics. Prepare
yourself for a long expensive psyhcologically damaging battle foa ll
parties. Don't expect the courts to help either. They are in no rush and
DO NOT care that you are going broke. Closure is not important to them.
Seeing a show/trial is what they want to see as it's their job.......
Signed, Frustrated and broke Dad in NJ
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My Story : My son and I are victims of parental alienation by CPS who lied right from the start about everything. The social worker kept all the letters I had written to my son on his desk. My son didn't know if I was dead or just didn't care. I wondered the same. Please visit my web site: http://www.msnusers.com/FreeVincentBooth
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My Story : Awhile back I was looking through a box of pictures. My pictures are all I have left of my little ones. I found this poem, wrinkled and tattered. It goes... JUST LIKE HIS FATHER A young boy silently cries himself to sleep, Everything used to be so perfect. She said she loved his Daddy, She said she had a perfect son, And she said he was just like his father. Then Daddy left. She said it was his fault, She said he drove Daddy away, And she said he was just like his father. Then she hated Daddy. She said Daddy never could do anything right, She said Daddy didn't deserve to live, And she said he was just like his father. And the young boy silently cries himself to sleep. I wrote this on 4/5/87...for a high school poetry contest. I never imagined it could ever come true, except I am the Father in my poem. I wrote it right after my first baby was born. Her father dissapeared the day I told him I was pregnant. I knew way back then I never wanted her to feel unwanted. She is now a well ajusted, mature adult. She misses her brother and sister as much as I do. We can't talk about them without crying. So we hardly ever talk about them. My kids are now 20, 11, and 4. The little ones are not just alienated from me but from each other. Even with the age differences they were always close and loving. It has been a year since I saw my son but did get to talk to him on the phone last July. I still call his Dad and subject myself to his verbal abuse just hoping to hear my son's voice in the background. The last time I saw my daughter was the day of hurricane Katrina. My bubbly little girl was replaced with this sad, skinny little girl. When I hugged her she looked at her dad like she was going to be in trouble if she hugged me back. News reports about reuniting families torn apart by the hurricane made me envious. I ended the relationships with the fathers of my little ones because they were abusive. I wanted my kids to grow up happy, not scared to even talk. When I ended the relationship with my son's father he joined forces with my daughter father to eliminate me from my children's lives. Custody has now been spread between six different judges in three states. Their perjuries have been rampant and can be waived by a simple stipulation. When I reveal their abuses I am percieved as vindictive. My son's father no longer tells me he is going to kill me, but my son told me on the phone that I am going to heaven...soon. All of the movies his father had him watch over and over have the Mom dying in the plot. My son is now desensitized to the idea of me dying. He also laid the phone down so he could demonstrate to me how he is supposed to run away from me. He is convinced that I am going to run him down with a truck and kill him. I was actually relieved when the judge ordered that my calls to my daughter cease. Everytime I would call, all the children would be chanting in the background terrible curse words at me. This is why I was relieved by the judges order. She didn't need to hear that. My only link to my daughter was her teacher, till the stepmom called her and severed the bond. I understand why her teacher wants to keep a low profile. She doesn't need to get hurt for talking to me. I am just so thankful she copied my daughter's poems for me and let me smell my daughter's sweater she left hanging on her chair. I feel so guilty about being safe from these men while my babies aren't. Many days I wish I were dead so I could be their Gaurdian Angel. I have wished for cancer, thinking that maybe they would request my dying request to see my babies again and have them see each other.
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April 25th is Parental Alienation Awareness Day
What Would I Think, How Would I Act?
Parental Alienation
“The only solution as I see it is, like any addiction, the alienating parent must get the proper help, admit he or she was wrong, then openly confess to the child their destructive motives and behavior. Then and only then will the child have a chance to heal.” _______
If I was a small child at the age of three and my daddy was walking up my driveway to take me back to my mommy’s house saying “Just two more days here then you are back with us,” what would I think?
If I was a preschooler and heard my daddy blame my mommy because I caught a cold, what would I think?
If I went to the children’s dentist with my mommy and was the best little patient, getting my first tooth pulled but then my daddy and step mom took me to another without my mommy knowing and told me that the dentist she took me to did not know what he was doing, what would I think?
If my mommy and I had a special beauty day in the form of hair cuts, then my daddy and step mom told me my bangs were crooked, what would I think?
If I was told to call my daddy and step mom while at my mommy’s house in the winter and ask them how I should dress to go outside, what would I think?
If I was a small child and my mommy asked a neighbor mom to watch me for a couple hours while taking a class and my step mom told me she did not trust my mommy because she got a babysitter, what would I think?
If I was a small child and I was excited to show my daddy a costume my mommy made for me and he said, “There is glue on the wing,” then bought me a different one, what would I think?
If I was a small child who was put in the bath tub right when I got to my daddy’s house, what would I think?
If I was a small child that was told I could not bring my belongings to my mommy’s house because they would get dirty or ruined, what would I think?
If my daddy and step mom sent food and drinks with me to my mommy’s house, what would I think?
If I told my daddy that I went to a different church and he told me it was not a church, what would I think, how would I act?
If I was in first grade and my daddy, step mom, step mom’s mother who never met my mom, grandmother and others told me at the age of 13 I can choose to live with my dad, what would I think? How would I act?
If I went to the store to pick out a new book bag with my mom, then went to my dad’s with it he and my step mom went and bought me another one, what would I think, how would I act?
If my daddy told me that my mommy did not come to my school play, and that she did not care about me, even though when I asked her about it, she said she was there and even knew what I was wearing that night, what would I think, how would I act?
If my daddy told me to call my mommy after a school function and lie to her about something the principal never said, what would I think, how would I act?
If I was a child and my daddy told me that if my mommy did not have me at the meeting place on time she would get arrested by the police, what would I think, how would I act?
If I was a child and was told that child support money should be spent on what I want, what would I think, how would I act?
If I was a young teen and my dad took me to the court house for a child support meeting, what would I think, how would I act?
If I was told that my mommy made me change schools but it was not true, what would I think, how would I act?
If I was a child who complained about my mommy to my daddy and family and it made me fit in, what would I think, how would I act?
If I was this child I would learn to mistrust my mommy because my daddy and step mom and family must know what they are talking about. I would begin to pull away from my mom because I know that some day I will not have a relationship with her because I have been told that I will be able to choose. I would begin to put up walls and become loyal to the ones who give me everything. Even my grandma and step mom’s mother knows how awful my mommy is, so it must be true.
If I was this child, I would not allow my mom to hug me and I would never tell her I love her again.
If I was this child I would demand that I get what I want while with her because she gets money from my daddy. I would also feel that I do not have to listen to her because when I tell my mommy and step mom when I get in trouble, they side with me all of the time and confirm to me how terrible my mom is.
If I was this child it would be to my benefit to keep feeding my dad and step mom what they want to hear and even try to create conflict with my mom so maybe she would give up and let me go live where I am suppose to live. I would even go as far as bump into her and then call the police to say she hit me to prove that she is no good like they say.
If I was this child I would tell my mom that she deserves to be arrested if she has to work 20 minutes over the time that she was suppose to meet my dad for the exchange.
If I was this child, I would begin to hate the rest of her family, even my older brother and my grandmother who took care of me and loved me all throughout my life.
If I was this child I would feel empowered and someday feel that I did not know what to do with this power. I would get confused and maybe turn to drugs or sexual activity because I would not understand the conflict inside.
If I was this child, hanging on to hate and un-forgiveness, it could destroy my chance for happiness into adulthood. I would have a hardened heart, not a compassionate one.
The only solution as I see it is, like any addition, the alienating parent must admit he or she was wrong then openly confess to the child their destructive motives and behavior. Then and only then will the child have a chance to heal. Help me help children and families!
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My Story : I met a lovely man in January 1988 and married him by August. It was a wonderful time and we started our family within months of our marriage. By the following August we had a lovely baby boy. He is now 16 and his little brother, who came along six years later, is now 10. Sadly, after being financially pressured to support my in-laws with a second home in Victoria, the family filed for divorce against me with full custody of our two sons. I was devastated as my children's father had commenced using alcohol and his family were in denial that this played any role in the breakdown of our family. Having a degree in Urban Studies enabled me to realize the court did not have an administrative process in place to prevent the collusion of the lawyers and the psychologists working together to financially extort our family. The psychologist did a report to the court while moving from Victoria to Nanaimo where he could continue employment with the Forensic Commission after working for the Ministry of Attorney General(AG). My brother-in-law was also employed at the AG's office as the Director of Religious Services. I realized the child custody and access report was biased with inappropriately weighing the evidence with more from the father's side than mine. The psychologist twisted the story, provided inaccurate information and I suspect by all appearances could have done so purposely while working in collusion with the lawyers. I suspect there is psychological profiling taking place with many of the families that get thrust into the court system. Our gov't in BC has still to integrate the UN Convention for the Rights of the Child into legislation because as it is, both parents cannot receive assistance from the ministry designed to protect children. Seven years later, my son is now 16 and realizes the damage of growing up in a home where alcohol is consummed in a manner that does not appear to provide a positive influence in the lives of the children impacted. The police have twice charged me criminally and have destroyed evidence where I insisted on having my children served and protected. WE have mediation but there is little consideration made for families where addiction, alcoholism and mental illness impedes ones ability to mediate in a positive manner. Even the police use tactics whereby it is evident that parental alienation against me does not help to bring our family into a harmonious state. I believe that there is a thing such as GAS - governmental alienation as my eldest son was told by a social worker that I was mentally ill and suicidal. The psychologist hired to review the post traumatic stress that families endure when policing is abused to exchange the children between parents, was not honest and forth-right. At this time I beleive the government ministry responsible for protecting children is failing miserably as parents need to be educated about child development and the negative impacts of divorce at the prenatal stage, not when the family is entrenched with warfare. With four out of ten babies born outside of marriage it is increasingly important to educate parents about the need to provide secure futures for the children when babies are first born. Waiting until there is conflict is too late to educate about the need to have a peaceful environment in order for children to grow up in an atmosphere of peace and harmony. Having been in court over 25 times and jailed three times, I would say it is time for the government to wake up and truly have our children protected by having the proper mechanisms in place to truly ensure our children are protected. Victoria, BC CANADA
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Recently I requested a 730 evaluation and am asking for 50/50 custody. My ex-wife takies me to court every year for a custody modification for non issues, mainly because she's mad because she hasn't got her way over some minor issue or one of her rude and selfish demands is not met. Last year the mediator gave me 10 more hours a month, but this year the same mediator was double booked and after a 15 minute mediation in which my ex told one lie after another, he cut my present custody in half. I feel our son deserves more time and thought than this to decide his well being and future. My ex has been angry since day one over me receiving a 40% custody timeshare with our son and hates that that I'm an involved and caring father to our 6 year old son. She has done everything imaginable trying to get me to give up time with our son, and has been trying to alienate our son against me since our divorce almost 5 years ago.
When he was 4 years old she told him I didn't go to church (I only go once in a while) and that all people who don't go to church are going to be thrown into hell. She told him I didn't graduate from high school or go to college. She has always tried to pick arguments with me when he is in her presence, so there is really no decent communication due to her talking in front of our son; because I won't discuss anything with her if he is nearby. She refuses to co-parent. I tried writing to her and she complained to my attorney about me writing. Since our divorce she has put on an act in front of our son and other people to make them think I am yelling at her, or cussing at her or threatening her. What she does is this: she will call me and make a demand, such as wanting to take our son during his time with me. On my end of the phone I may be saying, "Sorry I have plans with him." But on her end of the conversation she will melodramatically say something like, " Oh my God, don't talk to me like that, you're scaring me!" or "Stop cussing at me and calling me those filthy names!" or "Quit threatening me!" Usually she is on her cell phone while driving and our son is with her. And/or she has other people with her. She has managed to enlist some of her friends help in denying me visitation at times. Her newest (4th) husband is totally convinced, by her acting and lies, that I am abusive and he has been belligerent with me and has helped her in denying my visitation with our son. These are only a few of the parental alienation tactics she uses. She has made my life and my family's life a living hell for over 5 years now. I am hoping the evaluation will expose her emotionally ill behavior and her malicious mother/ parental alienation tactics. The evaluation is expensive and I hope it is worth it, but I don't know any other answers to the parental alienation problem except to try to have my son for longer stretches of time. Thank you,
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My wife and I seperated in Oct. 2002 and divorced in March 2004. Initially we had a trial seperation for 1 year, at that time I moved in with my parents that lived approximately 3 hours away. During the seperation we agreed that I would work in the area that my parents lived in until I found a good paying position in the small college town my ex-wife and I lived in at the time we seperated. I worked and sent the majority of pay check home to my ex. to pay off bills and so we could get in better finacial shape. This went on for 1 year and finally I was offered a job in that small town making the same money I was currently making, but when the time came for me to move back in with my wife and 2 children, my wife suddenly filed for divorce.
While my ex and I were together she was the domineering one of the marriage, shortly after we married she became verbally abusive toward me, regularly degrading me at every chance she could in front of the children. I was the care giver of my children and they were my world. At first while we were seperated she did nothing to keep me from seeing the children, in fact I had them almost every weekend. After filing for divorce my ex ask me to return to her, I had been out of her abusive influence and felt I could not go back into that situation so I refuse to go back to her. At that point she began a systematical campain to turn my children against me. During my weekends and extended periods of possession she would frequently call the police for well check visits, stating she was concerned for the children's safty, each time the police would come check on the children and found a perfectly normal atmosphere and would leave.
She would call the children several times while in my possession upsetting them and stir up trouble. Weirdly my ex would show up at the same resturants that I was at during dates, or find out where the women I dated lived and worked. She would find out way too much about my private life. She would tell the children I didnt care about them now that I was seeing another women, that I would eventually marry and have children and would not want anything to do with the children when that happened. She told the children that they could not participate in any extra curricular activities if they told me about it, and if I showed up to watch them she would mke them quit. My son, which was 6 years old at the time, accidently told me about playing in little league baseball. He told me he was not suppose to tell me about it and if I came to any of his games his mother would make him quit. I would go to the games and park far enough away from the game to prevent my ex from knowing I was there, sat in my car and watch my son play baseball.
In 2004 right after one of my extended period of possessions my ex took my daughter, which was eight at the time, to a phycologist and told the phycologist that I forced my daugher and son to look at "porn" while they were watching an unrelated movie on my computer. Oddly enough I did not own a computer capable of playing videos or movies. My daughter described the picture she saw very graphically, I feel her description of the pornograghic picture was suspiciously to grown up for an eight year old. From that point my daughter became withdrawn and exibited rudness and sometimes cried when I meet my ex to transfer the children for my weekends visitation period. In November of that same year my ex accused me of threatening to kill her over the phone and I was summoned to family court, after hearing both sides tesifimoney the judge denied her petition for a restraining order against me. Shortly after that, approximately 1 week, she filed an accusation of sexual abuse with the CPS, stating the incident in the previous summer that I had shown my children pornographic pictures. I was dating another women at the time and one night while at this women's home the police showed up to question me concerning my ex's allegations. After the investigation the police determined no evidence existed to prove the accusations and dropped the case. During the Christmas holiday's I decided to stop dating the women I had been seeing during the time of the sexual abuse allegations, and at that time strangely my ex became friends with this women. Right after the Christmas holidays my daughter became more and more withdrawn and started refusing to come with me on my weekend visitation periods, I would beg her to come for my time and she refused, saying "you cant make me come". My ex would sat in the car and do nothing to encourage my daughter to come with me. I filed numerous reports with the police that I was being denied visitation rights with my daughter. That was absolutely usless. The police refuse to do anything, stating it was out of their jurisdiction and I would have to hire a lawyer and take my ex back to family court to get my visitation rights enforced.
I finally saved up enough money to retain a lawyer and filed a petition with family court to get my rights back in May of 2005, now here it is April of 2006 and I am still waiting to go to court to get my visitation rights enforced with my daughter. I've had no contact with my daughter in almost one year. People dont realize how prejudice the courts are against fathers, if you dont have thousands and thousands of dollars to fight for your rights in this situation you are SOL and no one in the legal system cares. Everyone that I tell of my struggles say "well the court system is getting better about being more fair toward fathers" well I'm living proof that is not true. I realize there are some very dangerous men that abuse their families, but in my case my wife used these laws that were made to protect families against abusive men as a weapon to hurt me. I dare to say these abusive men absolutely do not represent the overwhelming majority of fathers that desire to maintain a loving relationship with their children and struggle constantly to be in their children's daily lives. Father's are not given the credit and backing of the courts that they deserve. The standard belief of most judges and the court system is that the children are better off with the mother, I am here to say I love my children and want my children in my life. I live for them and will do whatever it takes to give them a safe and stable life, I am willing to share them with thier mother because I believe they will be much better off if both parents are in thier lives. It is my prayer that very soon fathers will have just as many rights as mothers in the court system.
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I am a childless father of a wonderful 5 year old boy. His mother and I were never married. we had a very short and strained relationship that lasted about 6 months. My son was the result of my stupidity of having unprotected sex. Do not get me wrong I have done everything in my power to be there from the begining for him but did not want to have a relationship with his mother, on my first father's Day I met my current wife Kathi, she encouraged me to have a dna test to make sure I really was my son's Father, I am! Yeah I have a son! but not without all the pain and heartache I endure every single day. I was in the begining denyed all visitation with my son unless I included his mother in all my activities, this even meant putting my wife and family in some very awkward situations that were later retold by his mother as untruths and even put into court documents to prevent me from seeing my son.
finally at the age of 17 months I was awarded full custody of my son, only to later back down and allow a 50/50 shared parenting plan that was a complete disaster. His mother even wanted to live with me and my wife! how obserd is that? I had my son more than 90% of the time during this 10 month stent of the 50/50 plan, so I went for the full custody I was then awarded, the mother then began flaking out not showing up for visitations no phone calls expecting me and my family members to meet her demands. then one time after a visit she dissapeared for a 2 week span I never got even a phone call from her. she missed a visit, her own doings, During this whole ordeal Me and my wife were owners of a 1 truck trucking company we took my son when he wanted to go which was most all the time. he loved to travel at 3 he could name every state he had visited and knew the capitols of each of them by the way he had been to 44 states and over a 3/4 million miles under his small belt, we always made time for him to play outside every day we ate together as a family we were very close, then the summer of 2004 all the sudden his mother reappears as a married woman and the custody was given back to her, with out regard to the court supported documents of her feeding the child alcohol and marijuana before he was 15 months old! now she is married and she can provide the more stable nurturing enviorment, Huh! during the months from july to dec of 2004 I was allowed 1 visitation and was awarded part of his holiday break from preschool, (preschool that I had to get the judge to order because I had already made arrangments for him to attend and hired someone to drive my truck)I had to go to court for every single visit I wanted I was denied!talk about expensive and a gross waste of the court system! in feb 2005 my lawyer suggested I have a psycological exam for my parenting skills as the mother was always accusing my of being violent with my son!, He determined that I had a great relationship with my son and alot of positive aspects to contribute to him, Oh I almost forgot about the guardian etlitum, what a joke she was the mothers second attorney, spewing mistruths about me to the court and they just went along with her, June 2005, I was alotted 7 weeks where I could take my son and spend time with him. that was a fight again!
I was ordered that I could not run my business with him here. I got my son to my home he was delighted with his room and reconnected with some of his favorite toys. but was preocupied with his mother during the whole visit when mom would call "I am living with my Dad now I am never comming back" "please help me kill Melany" "I want to kill Melany" "I hate Melany and Derrick" "Please pinky promise to never take me back there" these were everyday 3-4 or more times a day things that rolled out of his mouth to anyone who would listen, my wife and I were very disturbed by this (remember my son is only 4). I contacted my attorney and tried several times to contact the guardian to no avail.it was suggested for me to take my son to a child psycologist for a exam and evaluation, $1,500.00 my cost!so we told m y son that this person could help him with his problems with his mother, boy did I lie to him. the head psycologist found no real bond child/maternal, the child told the dr of beatings we did not know about, he even suggested sexual abuse to the child by the mother. but when it was time to return the child to the mother(mom's attorney maniulapated the paperwork, as he did many times throught the procedings)I was accused of returning the child late, then the mother confronted me in front of the child about child-support. I was furious! I muttered some ugly words and handed my son over to her and have never seen him again!
I turned the psycolgist report over to the local police as I was instructed to . they then interviewed the child with the mother present and I was accused of telling my son to "light your mom on fire" and subsquently forbidden to call him see him or even write him ever again! My attorney was suppose to be preparing for a trial and I was granted for the mother to have a psycological exam, I was to pay for! then they decided to not do this! the friday before the trial my attorney was not ready for the trial and basically sold me out! he went for a continounce and was told that the judge already made a decision before hand bases on the lies by the guardian at-litum saying she was at the mothers home in july 2005 with the child present and saw a loving family w/ stepfather and mother/child all doing well , My Son was with me in my home during the month of July 2005 in Georgia, not Washington state! but she helped close the door on me and my son ever seeing each other ever again! christmas past was sad and lonely, his birthday just past, I long for a hug from my son! writing this to you brings tears to my eyes as I miss him so! what is wrong with our judicial system? it is a big lie! I am marred as the abuser here and have done nothing but try to make my son safe from the ill will of his mother and step-father. please if someone can help me and my son be reunited I would be forever endebted. I have lost my business, spent about 70,0000 in legal fees and I have come away a childless father!
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different fatherhood so many years we did not share every second I missed you would have liked to play oh if you only knew so many years we did not share know later you will see liked to play with you so much pain for you and me so many years we did not share you are a child today liked to play with you but the years have flown away And in Dutch : Vaderschap anders Al jaren niets gedeeld Wel elke tel, gemist Had graag met je gespeeld Oh als je dat 'ns wist Al jaren niets gedeeld Weet dat je later ziet Had graag met je gespeeld Voel nu al jouw verdriet Al jaren niets gedeeld De tijd die komt niet weer Had graag met je gespeeld Je bent nu kind en straks niet meer |
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It's been six years for me. I know there are others who have waited longer. Once, I was a Dad to a five year old daughter and a 2.5 year old son. Part of my story is told here: http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/
Today, my 8 year old son still looks forward to seeing me and has a great time when we are together, even though he cannot respond to the words "I love you" without mimicking an "I hate you" in response. I am afraid for my daughter, now 11. She is a bully at school. Bright, intelligent, she has focused her energies on talking to required reporters, engaging CPS, and filling out police reports. I fear for the dawning of adolescence and the terrible anguish she will feel as she discovers the inconsitencies between her mother's story and the one reality tells to her. I fear for the 7 months of visitation denied for reasons I do not understand. At least my family in New York believes me. At least, when I chose to be near my kids, it was on a tropical island with great weather most of the time. And when my daughter turns 20, or maybe 30-- I'm assuming she will not be "a victim"--she may come to see me. She may understand what happened. Have I lost one child? Am I at risk for losing another? Only their mother knows this. And, from my experience, I can not trust her. I cannot count on the courts. I cannot depend on the tens of lawyers, counselors, and guardians who have been appointed and have failed.
I can only hope that my kids have the strength to carry them through. I send them my love everyday. I try to do something, everyday, to be with them again and again. I am their Dad. I can do no less. |
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I had 4 kids with my ex-wife, Kari - 2 boys and 2 girls. We were married 14 years but separated for most of those. When the divorce went through she was living in MN and I was in FL. I moved back to MN with my girlfriend (who is now my wife of 9 years)to be closer to my children (my wife brought her kids with her). Kari poisoned the children against me, telling them they were poor because I wasn't paying more in child support. For their birthdays and Christmas, they looked to me for presents since their mother didn't get them any. During the summer, the visition was irregular - basically I was allowed to have the kids for a weekend when she felt like letting me have them. Often times I would call to confirm a visiting weekend and without letting me speak to any of the kids, she would tell me they were busy or they just weren't interested.
I was the one the kids asked for anything school-related that required money. Kari didn't use child support money for any of that, except school pictures. She bought premium school picture packets and I received only a small desk-size picture. School clothes, extra-curricular expenses, etc. were something the kids would turn to me for. When the kids actually did come up for a visit, they would bring old, worn clothes or sometimes only one or two outfits for an entire weekend. Kari knew what she was doing because I just couldn't let the kids go without clothes/decent, even for a weekend. When I turned 40, she told our kids to begin calling me old man and other insensitive names. She instructed them that they didn't have to listen to my wife when they came to visit. She would refer to my wife as 'sandni**er' and 'monkey' in front of our children when she talked about my wife and the kids were around. During visiting weekends when my youngest son would come up, he talked to Kari frequently because he missed his mom. If she thought he was having too good of a time with me, she would make him feel guilty and then he would ask to go home early.
Out of the 11 years we have been divorced, I have lived 2.5 hours away from Kari. During those years, she has only offered, maybe 8 or 9 times to meet me half way in helping with transportation with my children to/from my home. Many times I even had to pay her gas money just to get her cooperation. I can't even begin to count the number of 2 day weekends I spent 10 hours on the road, picking up/dropping off the children. Eventually 3 of my four kids have become adults -two girls and a boy, all of whom went through teen pregnancy. Each of the older children admitted, when they became adults, that their mother never spent any of the child support money on them - she used it to go out with her boyfriends and spend on herself and support their youngest sibling (Kari's 5th child)she had with another man. I have no relationship with those 3 older kids and there is no bond with their children, my grandchildren. My two oldest girls have said they feel uncomfortable around me - as if I'm a stranger. We have made attempts at repairing the relationship but for now it seems as if too many years have gone by to make things work and put us back as a real family.
I hardly ever see my oldest son - he calls mostly when he needs something. My youngest, 14 will be 15 in a couple months. My relationship with him is minimal although over the last two years, he has actually been asking to come up and visit. I'm thankful for even that, since it's much more than I ever had with my 3 older kids. I think he enjoys the company of my wife's children for the most part and that is his main source of him feeling included - he has a bond with them he hasn't had with his older siblings since they moved out of their mom's house. His mom still doesn't use any child support money on him. He has a job (at 14) to help support himself and every now and then when he needs something I will pay for it. Still, he doesn't share much of anything emotional with me and he refuses to ask his mom for any of the child support money she receives every month because she makes him feel guilty. I believe he simply tries to avoid any conflict with her that will force him to have to listen to her bad-mouth me or my 'other' family, especially since he is finding out they are no threat to him and he actually enjoys the time he spends with us. I will be thankful when I'm done sending $800 a month to support my ex-wife when it should have been used to support our children but never was. |
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My Story In A Nutshell During the first three years of my marriage, prior to the birth of our children, I told my wife that she wasn't the girl that she presented herself to be and asked for a divorce. She took our children to live in her mother's house feigning that my $60,000 a year income was not sufficient to the children's $100,000 a year expenses. She needed to work and make up the difference she told me, while her mother tended to our children. I didn't know that this was in fact a ploy to keep the children away from me and coach them to hate me in preparation for her divorce action nine years later, accusing me of child abuse and molestation. |
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