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Letters from parents
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I am a childless father of a wonderful 5 year old boy. His mother and I were never married. we had a very short and strained relationship that lasted about 6 months. My son was the result of my stupidity of having unprotected sex. Do not get me wrong I have done everything in my power to be there from the begining for him but did not want to have a relationship with his mother, on my first father's Day I met my current wife Kathi, she encouraged me to have a dna test to make sure I really was my son's Father, I am! Yeah I have a son! but not without all the pain and heartache I endure every single day. I was in the begining denyed all visitation with my son unless I included his mother in all my activities, this even meant putting my wife and family in some very awkward situations that were later retold by his mother as untruths and even put into court documents to prevent me from seeing my son.
finally at the age of 17 months I was awarded full custody of my son, only to later back down and allow a 50/50 shared parenting plan that was a complete disaster. His mother even wanted to live with me and my wife! how obserd is that? I had my son more than 90% of the time during this 10 month stent of the 50/50 plan, so I went for the full custody I was then awarded, the mother then began flaking out not showing up for visitations no phone calls expecting me and my family members to meet her demands. then one time after a visit she dissapeared for a 2 week span I never got even a phone call from her. she missed a visit, her own doings, During this whole ordeal Me and my wife were owners of a 1 truck trucking company we took my son when he wanted to go which was most all the time. he loved to travel at 3 he could name every state he had visited and knew the capitols of each of them by the way he had been to 44 states and over a 3/4 million miles under his small belt, we always made time for him to play outside every day we ate together as a family we were very close, then the summer of 2004 all the sudden his mother reappears as a married woman and the custody was given back to her, with out regard to the court supported documents of her feeding the child alcohol and marijuana before he was 15 months old! now she is married and she can provide the more stable nurturing enviorment, Huh! during the months from july to dec of 2004 I was allowed 1 visitation and was awarded part of his holiday break from preschool, (preschool that I had to get the judge to order because I had already made arrangments for him to attend and hired someone to drive my truck)I had to go to court for every single visit I wanted I was denied!talk about expensive and a gross waste of the court system! in feb 2005 my lawyer suggested I have a psycological exam for my parenting skills as the mother was always accusing my of being violent with my son!, He determined that I had a great relationship with my son and alot of positive aspects to contribute to him, Oh I almost forgot about the guardian etlitum, what a joke she was the mothers second attorney, spewing mistruths about me to the court and they just went along with her, June 2005, I was alotted 7 weeks where I could take my son and spend time with him. that was a fight again!
I was ordered that I could not run my business with him here. I got my son to my home he was delighted with his room and reconnected with some of his favorite toys. but was preocupied with his mother during the whole visit when mom would call "I am living with my Dad now I am never comming back" "please help me kill Melany" "I want to kill Melany" "I hate Melany and Derrick" "Please pinky promise to never take me back there" these were everyday 3-4 or more times a day things that rolled out of his mouth to anyone who would listen, my wife and I were very disturbed by this (remember my son is only 4). I contacted my attorney and tried several times to contact the guardian to no avail.it was suggested for me to take my son to a child psycologist for a exam and evaluation, $1,500.00 my cost!so we told m y son that this person could help him with his problems with his mother, boy did I lie to him. the head psycologist found no real bond child/maternal, the child told the dr of beatings we did not know about, he even suggested sexual abuse to the child by the mother. but when it was time to return the child to the mother(mom's attorney maniulapated the paperwork, as he did many times throught the procedings)I was accused of returning the child late, then the mother confronted me in front of the child about child-support. I was furious! I muttered some ugly words and handed my son over to her and have never seen him again!
I turned the psycolgist report over to the local police as I was instructed to . they then interviewed the child with the mother present and I was accused of telling my son to "light your mom on fire" and subsquently forbidden to call him see him or even write him ever again! My attorney was suppose to be preparing for a trial and I was granted for the mother to have a psycological exam, I was to pay for! then they decided to not do this! the friday before the trial my attorney was not ready for the trial and basically sold me out! he went for a continounce and was told that the judge already made a decision before hand bases on the lies by the guardian at-litum saying she was at the mothers home in july 2005 with the child present and saw a loving family w/ stepfather and mother/child all doing well , My Son was with me in my home during the month of July 2005 in Georgia, not Washington state! but she helped close the door on me and my son ever seeing each other ever again! christmas past was sad and lonely, his birthday just past, I long for a hug from my son! writing this to you brings tears to my eyes as I miss him so! what is wrong with our judicial system? it is a big lie! I am marred as the abuser here and have done nothing but try to make my son safe from the ill will of his mother and step-father. please if someone can help me and my son be reunited I would be forever endebted. I have lost my business, spent about 70,0000 in legal fees and I have come away a childless father!
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different fatherhood so many years we did not share every second I missed you would have liked to play oh if you only knew so many years we did not share know later you will see liked to play with you so much pain for you and me so many years we did not share you are a child today liked to play with you but the years have flown away And in Dutch : Vaderschap anders Al jaren niets gedeeld Wel elke tel, gemist Had graag met je gespeeld Oh als je dat 'ns wist Al jaren niets gedeeld Weet dat je later ziet Had graag met je gespeeld Voel nu al jouw verdriet Al jaren niets gedeeld De tijd die komt niet weer Had graag met je gespeeld Je bent nu kind en straks niet meer |
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It's been six years for me. I know there are others who have waited longer. Once, I was a Dad to a five year old daughter and a 2.5 year old son. Part of my story is told here: http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/
Today, my 8 year old son still looks forward to seeing me and has a great time when we are together, even though he cannot respond to the words "I love you" without mimicking an "I hate you" in response. I am afraid for my daughter, now 11. She is a bully at school. Bright, intelligent, she has focused her energies on talking to required reporters, engaging CPS, and filling out police reports. I fear for the dawning of adolescence and the terrible anguish she will feel as she discovers the inconsitencies between her mother's story and the one reality tells to her. I fear for the 7 months of visitation denied for reasons I do not understand. At least my family in New York believes me. At least, when I chose to be near my kids, it was on a tropical island with great weather most of the time. And when my daughter turns 20, or maybe 30-- I'm assuming she will not be "a victim"--she may come to see me. She may understand what happened. Have I lost one child? Am I at risk for losing another? Only their mother knows this. And, from my experience, I can not trust her. I cannot count on the courts. I cannot depend on the tens of lawyers, counselors, and guardians who have been appointed and have failed.
I can only hope that my kids have the strength to carry them through. I send them my love everyday. I try to do something, everyday, to be with them again and again. I am their Dad. I can do no less. |
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I had 4 kids with my ex-wife, Kari - 2 boys and 2 girls. We were married 14 years but separated for most of those. When the divorce went through she was living in MN and I was in FL. I moved back to MN with my girlfriend (who is now my wife of 9 years)to be closer to my children (my wife brought her kids with her). Kari poisoned the children against me, telling them they were poor because I wasn't paying more in child support. For their birthdays and Christmas, they looked to me for presents since their mother didn't get them any. During the summer, the visition was irregular - basically I was allowed to have the kids for a weekend when she felt like letting me have them. Often times I would call to confirm a visiting weekend and without letting me speak to any of the kids, she would tell me they were busy or they just weren't interested.
I was the one the kids asked for anything school-related that required money. Kari didn't use child support money for any of that, except school pictures. She bought premium school picture packets and I received only a small desk-size picture. School clothes, extra-curricular expenses, etc. were something the kids would turn to me for. When the kids actually did come up for a visit, they would bring old, worn clothes or sometimes only one or two outfits for an entire weekend. Kari knew what she was doing because I just couldn't let the kids go without clothes/decent, even for a weekend. When I turned 40, she told our kids to begin calling me old man and other insensitive names. She instructed them that they didn't have to listen to my wife when they came to visit. She would refer to my wife as 'sandni**er' and 'monkey' in front of our children when she talked about my wife and the kids were around. During visiting weekends when my youngest son would come up, he talked to Kari frequently because he missed his mom. If she thought he was having too good of a time with me, she would make him feel guilty and then he would ask to go home early.
Out of the 11 years we have been divorced, I have lived 2.5 hours away from Kari. During those years, she has only offered, maybe 8 or 9 times to meet me half way in helping with transportation with my children to/from my home. Many times I even had to pay her gas money just to get her cooperation. I can't even begin to count the number of 2 day weekends I spent 10 hours on the road, picking up/dropping off the children. Eventually 3 of my four kids have become adults -two girls and a boy, all of whom went through teen pregnancy. Each of the older children admitted, when they became adults, that their mother never spent any of the child support money on them - she used it to go out with her boyfriends and spend on herself and support their youngest sibling (Kari's 5th child)she had with another man. I have no relationship with those 3 older kids and there is no bond with their children, my grandchildren. My two oldest girls have said they feel uncomfortable around me - as if I'm a stranger. We have made attempts at repairing the relationship but for now it seems as if too many years have gone by to make things work and put us back as a real family.
I hardly ever see my oldest son - he calls mostly when he needs something. My youngest, 14 will be 15 in a couple months. My relationship with him is minimal although over the last two years, he has actually been asking to come up and visit. I'm thankful for even that, since it's much more than I ever had with my 3 older kids. I think he enjoys the company of my wife's children for the most part and that is his main source of him feeling included - he has a bond with them he hasn't had with his older siblings since they moved out of their mom's house. His mom still doesn't use any child support money on him. He has a job (at 14) to help support himself and every now and then when he needs something I will pay for it. Still, he doesn't share much of anything emotional with me and he refuses to ask his mom for any of the child support money she receives every month because she makes him feel guilty. I believe he simply tries to avoid any conflict with her that will force him to have to listen to her bad-mouth me or my 'other' family, especially since he is finding out they are no threat to him and he actually enjoys the time he spends with us. I will be thankful when I'm done sending $800 a month to support my ex-wife when it should have been used to support our children but never was. |
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My Story In A Nutshell During the first three years of my marriage, prior to the birth of our children, I told my wife that she wasn't the girl that she presented herself to be and asked for a divorce. She took our children to live in her mother's house feigning that my $60,000 a year income was not sufficient to the children's $100,000 a year expenses. She needed to work and make up the difference she told me, while her mother tended to our children. I didn't know that this was in fact a ploy to keep the children away from me and coach them to hate me in preparation for her divorce action nine years later, accusing me of child abuse and molestation. |
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I was married to a Swedish woman for over ten years which were here in the USA. In 1993 we had a son that was born and raised in Florida. In 1998 my wife traveled to Sweden for a holiday trip taking our then 5 year old son for a visit. She returned after the visit and things started to go down hill in our relationship. We filed divorce papers in the USA in which we spelled out the shared custody of our son. This was to be all summers and Christmas holidays spent in the USA with his American family. She then returned for yet another visit in the summer of 1999 and informed me that she was not going to return. I then went to Sweden and tried to have my time with my son at the Christmas holidays. She refused to let him come with me even though I had a signed agreement and shared parental rights granted by the courts. My mother became ill and I returned to the USA.
My exwife was then was granted sole custody by the Swedish courts without my permission or knowlege. I tried to return to Sweden only to learn that there was now a charge levied against me by my former wife upon which I would be jailed upon arrival and held until the charges were investigated. I was then informed by the Swedish government social welfare services (which my ex worked for) that my son was fearful of me and did not want to see me. This was told to me about a child that I had spent six years with and the last time he was with me he said "Daddy I love you so much" as he daily did and hugged my neck and slept with me. I was shocked! How could this be! Now it is I am told he fears not only me but also our entire American family and the US government and refuses to meet or be interviewed by any one from the USA! This all comes of course from either the mother or the Swedish child welfare office of which she works. It is hard for me to believe! I have not been allowed one single contact either in person or via phone with my son in now over six years. How can this be that a fathers and entire families rights not to mention that of a child can be taken on the word of one person without any investigation of any sort? How can the American State Department condone this?
They give you a lot of lip service but to my knowlege this had happened many times (over ten cases I know of) and it is always the non Swedish father that is alienated in Sweden. Then on top of that we are made to pay support and denied access to our children even though both countries signed the Hague agreement stating differently. It is referred to as a bi-lateral agreement but there is bi-lateral to it, it is one way. I have no hope of seeing my child again and am sure he fears me as of what he has been brain washed with. Although I know this also happens in the USA there are over 10,000 children being held by the non US parent out of the USA. |
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Since our separation my ex has engaged in hostile parenting that seems to have no end. I hae kept a journal of all of her actions and the children, carefully documenting everything that has happened. I would like to share my website with as many people as possible. Thank You. www.dadloveszacharyandmirrissa.com |
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I met a lovely man in January 1988 and married him by August. It was a wonderful time and we started our family within months of our marriage. By the following August we had a lovely baby boy. Carlton is now 16 and his little brother, who came along six years later, is now 10. Sadly, after being financially pressured to support my in-laws with a second home in Victoria, the family filed for divorce against me with full custody of our two sons.
I was devastated as my children's father had commenced using alcohol and his family were in denial that this played any role in the breakdown of our family. Having a degree in Urban Studies enabled me to realize the court did not have an administrative process in place to prevent the collusion of the lawyers and the psychologists working together to financially extort our family. The psychologist did a report to the court while moving from Victoria to Nanaimo where he could continue employment with the Forensic Commission after working for the Ministry of Attorney General(AG). My brother-in-law was also employed at the AG's office as the Director of Religious Services.
I realized the child custody and access report was biased with inappropriately weighing the evidence with more from the father's side than mine. The psychologist twisted the story, provided inaccurate information and I suspect by all appearances could have done so purposely while working in collusion with the lawyers. I suspect there is psychological profiling taking place with many of the families that get thrust into the court system. Our gov't in BC has still to integrate the UN Convention for the Rights of the Child into legislation because as it is, both parents cannot receive assistance from the ministry designed to protect children. Seven years later, my son is now 16 and realizes the damage of growing up in a home where alcohol is consummed in a manner that does not appear to provide a positive influence in the lives of the children impacted. The police have twice charged me criminally and have destroyed evidence where I insisted on having my children served and protected.
WE have mediation but there is little consideration made for families where addiction, alcoholism and mental illness impedes ones ability to mediate in a positive manner. Even the police use tactics whereby it is evident that parental alienation against me does not help to bring our family into a harmonious state. I believe that there is a thing such as GAS - governmental alienation as my eldest son was told by a social worker that I was mentally ill and suicidal. The psychologist hired to review the post traumatic stress that families endure when policing is abused to exchange the children between parents, was not honest and forth-right. At this time I beleive the government ministry responsible for protecting children is failing miserably as parents need to be educated about child development and the negative impacts of divorce at the prenatal stage, not when the family is entrenched with warfare. With four out of ten babies born outside of marriage it is increasingly important to educate parents about the need to provide secure futures for the children when babies are first born. Waiting until there is conflict is too late to educate about the need to have a peaceful environment in order for children to grow up in an atmosphere of peace and harmony. Having been in court over 25 times and jailed three times, I would say it is time for the government to wake up and truly have our children protected by having the proper mechanisms in place to truly ensure our children are protected.
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My Story : I was married to a Swedish woman for over ten years which were here in the USA. In 1993 we had a son that was born and raised in Florida. In 1998 my wife traveled to Sweden for a holiday trip taking our then 5 year old son for a visit. She returned after the visit and things started to go down hill in our relationship. We filed divorce papers in the USA in which we spelled out the shared custody of our son. This was to be all summers and Christmas holidays spent in the USA with his American family. She then returned for yet another visit in the summer of 1999 and informed me that she was not going to return. I then went to Sweden and tried to have my time with my son at the Christmas holidays. She refused to let him come with me even though I had a signed agreement and shared parental rights granted by the courts. My mother became ill and I returned to the USA. My exwife was then was granted sole custody by the Swedish courts without my permission or knowlege. I tried to return to Sweden only to learn that there was now a charge levied against me by my former wife upon which I would be jailed upon arrival and held until the charges were investigated. I was then informed by the Swedish government social welfare services (which my ex worked for) that my son was fearful of me and did not want to see me. This was told to me about a child that I had spent six years with and the last time he was with me he said "Daddy I love you so much" as he daily did and hugged my neck and slept with me. I was shocked! How could this be! Now it is I am told he fears not only me but also our entire American family and the US government and refuses to meet or be interviewed by any one from the USA! This all comes of course from either the mother or the Swedish child welfare office of which she works. It is hard for me to believe! I have not been allowed one single contact either in person or via phone with my son in now over six years. How can this be that a fathers and entire families rights not to mention that of a child can be taken on the word of one person without any investigation of any sort? How can the American State Department condone this? They give you a lot of lip service but to my knowlege this had happened many times (over ten cases I know of) and it is always the non Swedish father that is alienated in Sweden. Then on top of that we are made to pay support and denied access to our children even though both countries signed the Hague agreement stating differently. It is referred to as a bi-lateral agreement but there is bi-lateral to it, it is one way. I have no hope of seeing my child again and am sure he fears me as of what he has been brain washed with. Although I know this also happens in the USA there are over 10,000 children being held by the non US parent out of the USA.
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My sons mother has 1) refused a divorce decree that was 100% + attorney fees of what she asked for, has not allowed me any medical or school records for 15 years plus tried charging me $80 (I paid $240 while waiting) a month for insurance without any access or proof. 2) She would violently shake my son to make him cry (when I would get him) when 3+, "children cry when they leave their mothers." 3) refused to put my son on the plane when he was 6+, I had been flying to Phoenix from Colorado, renting car getting room, and flying him home while having to reverse the procedure on the return (pickup and drop-off were chosen by her and I could not pickup or drop-off the same day I flew), "If you can afford to see your son you can afford to pay me more." 4) Recorded phone conversations between me and my son, eventually refused us phone contact. 5) Refused to give my son gifts from me and letters, she threw a gift (unopened from me) onto the yard while I was getting my son and then she grabbed it and threw it into the trash barrel. 6) She refused to give me pickup and drop-off times until it was within 7 days of departure when ticket prices were as high as $1,200 (even from Colorado Springs). 7) Rubbed human feces on my sons face and torso: My son was going 7 days between defections and was wetting the bed at 15, he said, "I'm living in the eye of a storm." 8) I was deprived visitation for over 2 years while I paid child support because I wouldn't pay the medical bills she wouldn't give me! 9) I've had to travel to Phoenix 4-5 times to enforce visitation. 10) She's hired men to confront me! She's not Borderline Personality Disorder but psychotic.
When I had my son I could get him to go without bed wetting and soiling his pants, when I got him back (after the 2 years) there was no desire, on his part, to stop the bed wetting and control the constipation but there was treatment here! I only got my son after stopping support, but he was begging me to keep him, send money for a ticket, or kidnap him, this is when I found out about the feces being rubbed on him. I'm sure there are things I've forgotten like sending him to Colorado with T's, shorts, and sandals when it's a blizzard (she's a skier).
So, now I'm the villain, I've been to court and been thrown in jail even though this has all been documented through the quasi branches of government such as child protective services and expedited visitation as well as with my attorney and the court. I now have an arrest warrant in Phoenix, for me. My son turns 18 in 2 years and will get no treatment but to be jailed if he acts like his mother, I'm fighting for my sons life, my life is ruined. |
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My Story : Since our separation my ex has engaged in hostile parenting that seems to have no end. I have kept a journal of all of her actions and the children, carefully documenting everything that has happened. I have created a website in honor of my children in the hopes that they will read it and know how very much I love them.
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My Story : It's been six years for me. I know there are others who have waited longer. Once, I was a Dad to a five year old daughter and a 2.5 year old son. Part of my story is told here: http://www.mywiferanoffwithourkids.com/ Today, my 8 year old son still looks forward to seeing me and has a great time when we are together, even though he cannot respond to the words "I love you" without mimicking an "I hate you" in response. I am afraid for my daughter, now 11. She is a bully at school. Bright, intelligent, she has focused her energies on talking to required reporters, engaging CPS, and filling out police reports. I fear for the dawning of adolescence and the terrible anguish she will feel as she discovers the inconsitencies between her mother's story and the one reality tells to her. I fear for the 7 months of visitation denied for reasons I do not understand. At least my family in New York believes me. At least, when I chose to be near my kids, it was on a tropical island with great weather most of the time. And when my daughter turns 20, or maybe 30-- I'm assuming she will not be "a victim"--she may come to see me. She may understand what happened. Have I lost one child? Am I at risk for losing another? Only their mother knows this. And, from my experience, I can not trust her. I cannot count on the courts. I cannot depend on the tens of lawyers, counselors, and guardians who have been appointed and have failed. I can only hope that my kids have the strength to carry them through. I send them my love everyday. I try to do something, everyday, to be with them again and again. I am their Dad. I can do no less. |
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My Story : different fatherhood so many years we did not share every second I missed you would have liked to play oh if you only knew so many years we did not share know later you will see liked to play with you so much pain for you and me so many years we did not share you are a child today liked to play with you but the years have flown away And in Dutch : Vaderschap anders Al jaren niets gedeeld Wel elke tel, gemist Had graag met je gespeeld Oh als je dat 'ns wist Al jaren niets gedeeld Weet dat je later ziet Had graag met je gespeeld Voel nu al jouw verdriet Al jaren niets gedeeld De tijd die komt niet weer Had graag met je gespeeld Je bent nu kind en straks niet meer
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My Story : So many years we did not share Every second I missed of you
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My Story : I am a childless father of a wonderful 5 year old boy. His mother and I were never married. we had a very short and strained relationship that lasted about 6 months. My son was the result of my stupidity of having unprotected sex. Do not get me wrong I have done everything in my power to be there from the begining for him but did not want to have a relationship with his mother, on my first father's Day I met my current wife. She encouraged me to have a dna test to make sure I really was the father, I am! Yeah I have a son! but not without all the pain and heartache I endure every single day. I was in the begining denyed all visitation with my son unless I included his mother in all my activities, this even meant putting my wife and family in some very awkward situations that were later retold as untruths and even put into court documents to prevent me from seeing my son.finally at the age of 17 months I was awarded full custody of my son, only to later back down and allow a 50/50 shared parenting plan that was a complete disaster. My son's mother even wanted to live with me and my wife! how absurd is that? I had my son more than 90% of the time during this 10 month stent of the 50/50 plan, so I went for the full custody I was then awarded, the mother then began flaking out not showing up for visitations no phone calls expecting me and my family members to meet her demands. then one time after a visit she dissapeared for a 2 week span I never got even a phone call from her. she missed a visit, her own doings, During this whole ordeal Me and my wife were owners of a 1 truck trucking company we took my son when he wanted to go which was most all the time. he loved to travel at 3 he could name every state he had visited and knew the capitols of each of them by the way he had been to 44 states and over a 3/4 million miles under his small belt, we always made time for him to play outside every day we ate together as a family we were very close, then the summer of 2004 all the sudden his mother reappears as a married woman and the custody was given back to her, with out reguard to the court supported documents of her feeding the child alcohol and marijuana before he was 15 months old! now she is married and she can provide the more stable nurturing enviorment, Huh! during the months from july to dec of 2004 I was allowed 1 visitation and was awarded part of his holiday break from preschool, (preschool that I had to get the judge to order because I had already made arrangments for him to attend and hired someone to drive my truck)I had to go to court for every single visit I wanted I was denied!talk about expensive and a gross waste of the court system! in feb 2005 my lawyer suggested I have a psycological exam for my parenting skills as the mother was always accusing my of being violent with my son!, He determined that I had a great relationship with my son and alot of positive aspects to contribute to him, Oh I almost forgot about the guardian adlitum, what a joke she was the mothers second attorney, spewing mistruths about me to the court and they just went along with her, June 2005, I was alotted 7 weeks where I could take my son and spend time with him. that was a fight again! I was ordered that I could not run my business with him here. I got my son to my home he was delighted with his room and reconnected with some of his favorite toys. but was preocupied with his mother during the whole visit when mom would call "I am living with my Dad now I am never comming back" "please help me "Please pinky promise to never take me back there" these were everyday 3-4 or more times a day things that rolled out of his mouth to anyone who would listen, my wife and I were very disturbed by this (remember my son is only 4). I contacted my attorney and tried several times to contact the guardian to no avail.it was suggested for me to take my son to a child psycologist for a exam and evaluation, $1,500.00 my cost!so we told Hayden tht this person could help him with his problems with his mother, boy did I lie to him. the head psycologist found no real bond child/maternal, the child told the dr of beatings we did not know about, he even suggested sexual abuse to the child by the mother. but when it was time to return the child to the mother(mom's attorney maniulapated the paperwork, as he did many times throught the procedings)I was accused of returning the child late, then the mother confronted me in front of the child about child-support. I was furious!I muttered some ugly words and handed my son over to her and have never seen him again! I turned the psycolgist report over to the local police as I was instructed to . they then interviewed the child with the mother present and I was accused of telling my son to "light your mom on fire" and subsquently forbidden to call him see him or even write him ever again! My attorney was suppose to be preparing for a trial and I was granted for the mother to have a psycological exam, I was to pay for! then they decided to not do this! the friday before the trial my attorney was not ready for the trial and basically sold me out! he went for a continounce and was told that the judge already made a decision before hand bases on the lies by the guardian at-litum saying she was at the mothers home in july 2005 with the child present and saw a loving family w/ stepfather and mother/child all doing well , My Son was with me in my home during the month of July 2005 in Georgia, not Washington state! but she helped close the door on me and my son ever seeing each other ever again! christmas past was sad and lonely, his birthday just past, I long for a hug from my son! writing this to you brings tears to my eyes as I miss him so! what is wrong with our judicial system? it is a big lie! I am marred as the abuser here and have done nothing but try to make my son safe from the ill will of his mother and step-father. please if someone can help me and my son be reunited I would be forever endebted. I have lost my business, spent about 70,0000 in legal fees and I have come away a childless father!
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My Story : My wife and I seperated in Oct. 2002 and divorced in March 2004. Initially we had a trial seperation for 1 year, at that time I moved in with my parents that lived approximately 3 hours away. During the seperation we agreed that I would work in the area that my parents lived in until I found a good paying position in the small college town my ex-wife and I lived in at the time we seperated. I worked and sent the majority of pay check home to my ex. to pay off bills and so we could get in better finacial shape. This went on for 1 year and finally I was offered a job in that small town making the same money I was currently making, but when the time came for me to move back in with my wife and 2 children, my wife suddenly filed for divorce. While my ex and I were together she was the domineering one of the marriage, shortly after we married she became verbally abusive toward me, regularly degrading me at every chance she could in front of the children. I was the care giver of my children and they were my world. At first while we were seperated she did nothing to keep me from seeing the children, in fact I had them almost every weekend. After filing for divorce my ex ask me to return to her, I had been out of her abusive influence and felt I could not go back into that situation so I refuse to go back to her. At that point she began a systematical campain to turn my children against me. During my weekends and extended periods of possession she would frequently call the police for well check visits, stating she was concerned for the children's safty, each time the police would come check on the children and found a perfectly normal atmosphere and would leave. She would call the children several times while in my possession upsetting them and stir up trouble. Weirdly my ex would show up at the same resturants that I was at during dates, or find out where the women I dated lived and worked. She would find out way too much about my private life. She would tell the children I didnt care about them now that I was seeing another women, that I would eventually marry and have children and would not want anything to do with the children when that happened. She told the children that they could not participate in any extra curricular activities if they told me about it, and if I showed up to watch them she would mke them quit. My son, which was 6 years old at the time, accidently told me about playing in little league baseball. He told me he was not suppose to tell me about it and if I came to any of his games his mother would make him quit. I would go to the games and park far enough away from the game to prevent my ex from knowing I was there, sat in my car and watch my son play baseball. In 2004 right after one of my extended period of possessions my ex took my daughter, which was eight at the time, to a phycologist and told the phycologist that I forced my daugher and son to look at "porn" while they were watching an unrelated movie on my computer. Oddly enough I did not own a computer capable of playing videos or movies. My daughter described the picture she saw very graphically, I feel her description of the pornograghic picture was suspiciously to grown up for an eight year old. From that point my daughter became withdrawn and exibited rudness and sometimes cried when I meet my ex to transfer the children for my weekends visitation period. In November of that same year my ex accused me of threatening to kill her over the phone and I was summoned to family court, after hearing both sides tesifimoney the judge denied her petition for a restraining order against me. Shortly after that, approximately 1 week, she filed an accusation of sexual abuse with the CPS, stating the incident in the previous summer that I had shown my children pornographic pictures. I was dating another women at the time and one night while at this women's home the police showed up to question me concerning my ex's allegations. After the investigation the police determined no evidence existed to prove the accusations and dropped the case. During the Christmas holiday's I decided to stop dating the women I had been seeing during the time of the sexual abuse allegations, and at that time strangely my ex became friends with this women. Right after the Christmas holidays my daughter became more and more withdrawn and started refusing to come with me on my weekend visitation periods, I would beg her to come for my time and she refused, saying "you cant make me come". My ex would sat in the car and do nothing to encourage my daughter to come with me. I filed numerous reports with the police that I was being denied visitation rights with my daughter. That was absolutely usless. The police refuse to do anything, stating it was out of their jurisdiction and I would have to hire a lawyer and take my ex back to family court to get my visitation rights enforced. I finally saved up enough money to retain a lawyer and filed a petition with family court to get my rights back in May of 2005, now here it is April of 2006 and I am still waiting to go to court to get my visitation rights enforced with my daughter. I've had no contact with my daughter in almost one year. People dont realize how prejudice the courts are against fathers, if you dont have thousands and thousands of dollars to fight for your rights in this situation you are SOL and no one in the legal system cares. Everyone that I tell of my struggles say "well the court system is getting better about being more fair toward fathers" well I'm living proof that is not true. I realize there are some very dangerous men that abuse their families, but in my case my wife used these laws that were made to protect families against abusive men as a weapon to hurt me. I dare to say these abusive men absolutely do not represent the overwhelming majority of fathers that desire to maintain a loving relationship with their children and struggle constantly to be in their children's daily lives. Father's are not given the credit and backing of the courts that they deserve. The standard belief of most judges and the court system is that the children are better off with the mother, I am here to say I love my children and want my children in my life. I live for them and will do whatever it takes to give them a safe and stable life, I am willing to share them with thier mother because I believe they will be much better off if both parents are in thier lives. It is my prayer that very soon fathers will have just as many rights as mothers in the court system.
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My Story : My Story In A Nutshell During the first three years of my marriage, prior to the birth of our children, I told my wife that she wasn't the girl that she presented herself to be and asked for a divorce. She took our children to live in her mother's house feigning that my $60,000 a year income was not sufficient to the children's $100,000 a year expenses. She needed to work and make up the difference she told me, while her mother tended to our children. I didn't know that this was in fact a ploy to keep the children away from me and coach them to hate me in preparation for her divorce action nine years later, accusing me of child abuse and molestation.
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My Story : After 15 years of a verbally abusive marriage to an alcoholic, I finally decided to file for divorce. Our daughter was 15 years old. Overnight I became a single mother. My daughter and I settled in the best we could, me having to work longer hours and my daughter staying with neighbors after school often until I got home from work. When visitation with her father was not happening (he was given every other weekend, Tuesday and Thursday evenings)I began calling him and asking what plans he had for "his" weekend or with his Tuesday or Thursday. He would just tell me where to go. Often I would hear my daughter on the phone with him crying. Once, when they were on the phone, I became very concerned because she continued to sob. I am not in the practice of listening in on phone calls, but couldn't help it. I picked up the downstairs kitchen phone and listened in. My x-husband had a friend of ours (used to be a friend of mine) tell our daughter that I was a very vindictive person and that she should keep a diary of all the "bad things" I did so that her father could submit that to his attorney. Our daughter was told that the attorney would kick me out of the house and that she and her father would live here. The "friend" also gave our daughter permission to call the friend at anytime of day or night. This troubled me as I was having difficulty getting my daughter to finish her homework and get to bed at a decent hour on school nights. My daughter began asking me if she could spend her Dad's weekend with his family. I let her. After a while she began asking me if she could spend every weekend with her cousins at her Dad's family's homes. At first I thought it would be helpful for her to be with kids her age and most of her cousins were children of divorce. After a while problems occurred. She started coming home late on Sundays, her homework not done and staying up late on Sunday to finish her homework. I called her Dad and asked him to please require that his sister's be sure to have our daughter do her homework on the weekends. He told me where to go. I asked my attorney to please ask the court to ask my X to be sure to have our daughter do her homework. Her grades fell from that of an honor student to failing grades. She began saying that she was sick in the morning and did not want to go to school. When I would not make the call to the school to approve her absence, she would call her Dad and he would make the call. I went to the guidance couselor and explained that the school should not be taking sick calls from her father as he was not living with us and unable to assess her health. The school agreed and said that if they did not have a call from me, that they might have to suspend my daughter. After several unexcused absences, the school did suspend her. The school recommended that I file a C.H.I.N.S. ; Child in Need of Services. I did not feel comfortable doing this. Instead, I got my daughter involved with a therapist to discuss her feelings. After several months the therapist suggested I find someone who would be able to prescribe antidepressant medication to my daughter as she felt she may be borderline depressed. It took me forever to find someone who could evaluate my daughter. In the meantime, the school basically forced me into filing a CHINS. This meant my daughter now had a probation officer who would check in on her once each week, which did not happen. This meant, or so I was told that I would have someone to lean on and help me in the event she acted out or continued to have problems going to school. On the day she was to be evaluated, my daughter did not come home from school. When I got home, I found a short note, a scribble from her, not a "dear mom" as she would usually write. Just a scribble that she had gone to (named the town) where her cousin's lived. I had no idea who she was with or when she would be home. I made several phone calls to her Dad's family members to no avail. I finally called her Dad who said "She's with me". When I asked when she'd be home, he said "I don't have to tell you anything". My daughter returned home that Sunday evening late, having missed her psyche evaluation. When she arrived home, the look in her eyes and the expression on her face were as if she wanted to kill me. I basically left her alone not wanting to upset her any further. The following day, I made arrangements to work from home so that I could be available to her. She made several phone calls back and forth to her cousin, to her father, to her cousin. We didn't have a DSL service at the time and I remember telling her that I had to get my e-mails from work before she could use the phone again. She began tearing phone plugs out of the walls. She slammed down my laptop screen and began getting aggressive. When she started throwing things and glass was breaking, I told her she needed to stop, that if she continued I would call her probation officer. She didn't stop. I called her probation officer who was not available. I called her therapist who was not available. I didn't know what to do except to try to calm her down. When I did finally hear from her probation officer, she said "If you do not call the police, I will." Calling the police was the last thing I wanted to do, but my daughter was now hitting me with anything she could get her hands on. She threw a kitchen counter stool at me. I'm 5' 1" and weigh 103lbs. so it does not take much for me to bruise. I called the police. After they examined our home and the situation, the decided to take my daughter to the police station. They told me that they just wanted to scare her and that I could pick her up in "five minutes". I phoned my Dad and asked him if he could come over and ride to the police station with me. My Dad is a retired police officer and I thought he could help out. As my Dad was on his way to our house, the police called to say that their supervisor decided to press charges and that my daughter would be spending the night in juvenile hall and that she would be in juvenile court in the morning !! I could not beleive that this had happened. My daughter had never been in trouble in her life. She was a good kid, just messed up from the divorce. The next day in court, the judge spent approximately five minutes hearing the situation and said "Place her in custody". It all happened so fast that I did not know what was happening. When I inquired to the court appointed child attorney she said "Your daughter was just placed in DSS custody." I sat on a bench outside of the courtroom, in shock, I must say. It was close to lunch time and the child attorney suggested that I go over to the DSS office after lunch. While that conversation was taking place, my daughter, my x-husband and many of his family members paraded past me with smiles on their faces. When I asked the child attorney what was going on, she said that DSS had determined that my daughter would go with her fathter's family. There is much, much more to this story. I could write a book. But, basically, my daughter was placed with her father's sister. I was told temporarily. That was almost three years ago. My daughter never came home. She was told, and learned early on that a fifteen year old can refuse to come home. So she refused again and again and again. She was told that everything that happened was my fault, that I was a monster. DSS ordered a psyche evaluation on me, which by the way showed that I was a dedicated mother who was grieving the loss of her child. My daughter to this day does not trust me and is stand-offish when we are together. I miss her terribly. Have missed 16th birthdays and boyfriends and filling out applications for college and even her illnesses. I can only hope that she, in time will figure this all out for herself and that we will one day have what we once did; Mom and daughter.
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My Story : Recently I requested a 730 evaluation and am asking for 50/50 custody. My ex-wife takies me to court every year for a custody modification for non issues, mainly because she's mad because she hasn't got her way over some minor issue or one of her rude and selfish demands is not met. Last year the mediator gave me 10 more hours a month, but this year the same mediator was double booked and after a 15 minute mediation in which my ex told one lie after another, he cut my present custody in half. I feel our son deserves more time and thought than this to decide his well being and future. My ex has been angry since day one over me receiving a 40% custody timeshare with our son and hates that that I'm an involved and caring father to our 6 year old son. She has done everything imaginable trying to get me to give up time with our son, and has been trying to alienate our son against me since our divorce almost 5 years ago. When he was 4 years old she told him I didn't go to church (I only go once in a while) and that all people who don't go to church are going to be thrown into hell. She told him I didn't graduate from high school or go to college. She has always tried to pick arguments with me when he is in her presence, so there is really no decent communication due to her talking in front of our son; because I won't discuss anything with her if he is nearby. She refuses to co-parent. I tried writing to her and she complained to my attorney about me writing. Since our divorce she has put on an act in front of our son and other people to make them think I am yelling at her, or cussing at her or threatening her. What she does is this: she will call me and make a demand, such as wanting to take our son during his time with me. On my end of the phone I may be saying, "Sorry I have plans with him." But on her end of the conversation she will melodramatically say something like, " Oh my God, don't talk to me like that, you're scaring me!" or "Stop cussing at me and calling me those filthy names!" or "Quit threatening me!" Usually she is on her cell phone while driving and our son is with her. And/or she has other people with her. She has managed to enlist some of her friends help in denying me visitation at times. Her newest (4th) husband is totally convinced, by her acting and lies, that I am abusive and he has been belligerent with me and has helped her in denying my visitation with our son. These are only a few of the parental alienation tactics she uses. She has made my life and my family's life a living hell for over 5 years now. I am hoping the evaluation will expose her emotionally ill behavior and her malicious mother/ parental alienation tactics. The evaluation is expensive and I hope it is worth it, but I don't know any other answers to the parental alienation problem except to try to have my son for longer stretches of time. Thank you.
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Woman Without a Soul
She's a dama without alma. 1, 2
She steps on my corazone. 3
Mi hijo, I love him so. 4
Yo no lo mira anymore. 5
Calle Dolorosa meets Soledad 6, 7, 8
in San Anto. That's where 9
my pain and loneliness meet. 10
The time I have con my son 11
is too poquito. 12
Y cuando his mom withholds mi hijo, 13
I miss him so.
The smile of a child
is lo mejor in all el mundo, 14, 15
pero his absence is too tristie. 16, 17
No conozco por que 18
his mom could be so mala 19
to me or to our boy.
This tiempo feo; 20
it brings me bajo. 21
Yo ha listo for el sol to shine. 22, 23
En la manana 24
I'll give him muchos besos 25
and el grande abrazo 26
con mucho gusto! 27
- D.M.
1 woman
2 soul
3 heart
4 my son
5 I don't see him
6 Street
7 Pain
8 Solitude
9 slang for San Antonio
10 the intersection of which lies the Bexar County Courthouse, civil arena for divorce and custody decisions
11 with
12 small
13 and when
14 the best
15 the world
16 but
17 sad
18 I don't know how
19 bad
20 ugly time
21 down
22 I am ready
23 sun
24 in the morning
25 bunch of kisses
26 a big hug
27 with all my might
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We are grandparents who fight for their grandchildren and we try to help our son who has nearly been destroyed by this battle. At the prestent he is fighting for access rights which were ordered by the court. The mother contempts the court continiously and gets away with it. She is alienating the children and emotional abusing them in any way she can.Both children have been sexualy abused by their mother and new partner which professionals have confirmed. Our story is currently on www.dadsindistress.asn.au/news99.html The names have been removed for legal reasons and to protect the children. |
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I had discovered from a friend that my 13 year old daughter had been hanging around a downtown restaurant that was frequented by prostitutes. Quite concerned about this I felt I should discuss the matter with her mother. It was my beleif that "we" as her parents should limit her access to the downtown area. I proposed that she be allowed downtown only for specifics and no hanging around. In other words "do what your going to do and straight home. I asked her mother if she agreed and would support what I proposed. She seemed reluctant but said she agreed and would support the choice. That same weekend she took our daughter downtown....upon completing their errand the mother called me to ask if it was alright if our daughter could stay downtown, even though she was coming home. I asked her why she called to ask me, I reminded her of our discussion and choice and asked if she supported the choice. It was at this point I heard her say to our daughter, "your father says you have to go home". When I think back on this I am left to beleive that alienation starts early and is often covert. I think back to dropping my daughter off at daycare and her tears at being left there. I was abandoning her....and at the end of the day her mother would rescue her. In our marriages and relationships we often accept roles and responsibilities, for many that means one parent is the good guy and one isn't. Stop alienating yourself from your kids. If (and when) the relationship goes south all that well layed psychological propaganda will be used against you. Cause after all, divorce today is adverserial, the courts will see to that.
The point I'm trying to make here is.......alienation starts with you, you accept the role. If you don't want to be the smuck don't....... find a better way.....make the effort it's worth it. two years ago I received an email from my daughter. It opened with the words "I'm writing this to you because I can't talk to you". It was quite a lenghthy letter outlining a number of the emotional crimes I had commited against her. I read that letter sometimes 2 or 3 times a day for about 6 months. For most of the letter I couldn't tell if it was written by her or her mother.
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My story is one of a young boy aleniated from his father and his grandparents on his mothers side not to mention the rest of his family who love him more than life. I am the maternal grandmother. My daughter got involved with a very controlling man when my grandson was three years old. My daughter and my grandson moved in with this man and he does not want my grandson having anything to do with his real father, grandparents on both sides, cousin, Aunts and Uncles. My grandson was born and raised with all of us and now he only gets to come over once every month or two. When he is here he loves it. He is allowed to be a child. He was never allowed that with my daughters boyfriend. He cries when he has to go back to bootcamp. This child is going to be 11 this year. I can only wish he were old enough to leave his situation and be free of this man. This year he will probably fail his grade in school. He has been in 4 different schools and is in grade 5. He is an only child and a very lonely child as has been mentioned to me by people who know his situation at home. I want so badly to free him but I dont want to take him from his mother. Being a grandmother there is nothing I can do to help him.
The agony just goes on day after day. He is constantly told that his father is no good and that he is useless. I can only imagine the pain that this child is in with nobody to help him. Please let there be something that we can do for him? There is so much more going on here, much too much to tell...Thankyou for listening |
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I met my ex-wife (X) in 1991. She was divorced with a two year old daughter (A). She concentrated a lot of effort bad mouthing her first husband in front of A, and suggesting that A would be happier not seeing her father regularly. This alienation worked and A had very limited contact with her father.
X would tell A that she could go to see her daddy or she could have "more fun at home with mummy". X would invent special occasions to entice A to say that she wanted to stay with mummy and not visit her daddy. Unfortunately, her father let this happen and did not exercise or insist on his rights.
Now years later X is trying to alienate my own children against me.
I married X in 1994. Our first daughter was born in 1995. Things very quickly changed. X became very moody and sometimes violent toward me and the children.
When A was about seven she received a small dolls set for Christmas from my brother. A few days after Christmas X was annoyed that A's bedroom was untidy so she smashed the toy under her foot in front of A and warned her that if the room was not kept tidy she would do the same to the other toys. This is just one of hundreds of examples.
The violence was also physical and A was often slapped and pushed around.
In 2001 a neighbour complained to Social Services about X hitting A in the face. They interviewed A and the police were called. X received a warning for her behaviour.
We had two daughters of our own.
Our relationship deteriorated to the point where I would fear returning home from work and would find any excuse to take the children out for the day.
A few years ago I discovered X was having an affair. I left her and after a difficult period we divorced. She moved her boyfriend into my house and she still lives with him. I recently discovered he has criminal convictions for offences against young girls, but that is in the hands of my lawyers. In the meantime I see my children almost every weekend. It is difficult as I have to rely on their mother to make them available and the UK legal system is so anti-male I am struggling to protect my children. I gave X enough money to buy a house for her and the children (and her boyfriend!) and every month pay a lot of maintenance. My children stay most weekends but their mother often tries to make excuses to stop my access - it is only by standing my ground and putting my childrens interests first that I continue to see them. I have to put them first even if their mother is intent on using them as a means of getting more money from me.
About 9 months after we separated I met a girl who turned my life around. She had two children from a previous marriage herself. All the children get on brilliantly.
'A' chose to come to live with me (and my new girlfriend). She could not forgive her mother for her violence or continue to live in the same house as her. She recently moved out into her own flat (she is now 17) and I see her most weekends. I continued to support her as my own child for all that time but also made sure she built a relationship with her father.
I do not know what the future will bring but I will keep fighting for the protection of my children. I know there are good and bad mothers and fathers but the legal system (and UK political parties) are so anti-male they are creating an atmosphere where children are at increased risk. Unless we put a stop to the unjust situation and we allow children to be loved by both parents equally we will continue to see an increase in antisocial behaviour, insecurity and fear where none should exist, increasing in turn divorce, arguments and further levels of abuse.
It is important for alienated parents to stand their ground and fight for their rights, not for themselves but for their children. Children need to develop in a loving environment and both parents owe it to their child to put their personal feelings to the back and put their children first.
I tell my children I love them every day and they know that I will always be there for them despite their mothers evil comments.
I urge all parents in similar situations never to give up. We owe it to our children to make a change for the better. |
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I am a targeted NonCustodial mother. I live in Missouri and my 10yr old daughter lives in Houston. I can not even begin to touch, what PA has done to destroy my relationship with my daughter. I found your site, and I want to do WHATEVER I can, my close friends and family too, to help my daughter and all other children and parents. I have a fire in my belly that has finally pushed me to speak out and bring awareness to PA. Missouri is still behind on PA, but my case is now in Harris County, and I am ready to fight for my daughter! |
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