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Letters from parents
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My Story : In August of last year while my older son was having visitation with me, he molested my younger son. I reported it to appropriate authorities. As a result, his father did not believe it, hired a lawyer and has since kept me from taliking with or seeing him. He started putting him on speaker phone when I called, then deleted my sons email accounts and refused to let me have my son for visitation. It has been nearly a year since I have seen my son and it took this long to get it through in court. Now the judge says I have to wait until they do a counseling evaluation before I can have him back for visitation and his father is asking for supervised visits. My son just went to live with him 2 years ago. Until then I raised him, put him through private school on my own. Today is my son's birthday. Every time I call the answering machine is on. I did not even get a school picture or know what classes he was in or school until we went to court. When he lived with me, I sent pictures and school info and notified him of every event. I missed my son's entire first year of high school. He is now over 6 feet tall, I missed that. I missed Thanksgiving and Christmas and Valentines, Easter and now his birthday. He says my son does'nt want to talk to me and yet my son wrote me a letter before he moved in with his dad saying he did'nt know how he'd live without me. He says my son does'nt need to be around me without supervision because I might accuse him of something else. Mind you the state and court found my son guilty. It has been a nightmare. I did what I thought was right and I lost my son in the process.
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My Story : I have been married 21 years. I have 2 children age 23 and 14. I am going through a devorce now. My spouse has my daughter because of PAS. Throughout the marriage he has been abusive. There is documentation on this fact and witnessed by 23 year old and 14 year old. He cheated on me and involved my 14 year old in this affair. Over the past 2 years he has turned her against me. I found out about the affair. He got her to lie about it. He got her to make false allegation of abuse, she told me "daddy says you don't love me like you love M. (other child). He has sheriff who is childhood friend of his and falsified police report. So I was put out of marital home and can't see my child based on this lie. My son is witness that I never did any abuse. Because I have little income, I can't get hear in court. I need help!!! Can anyone help me get justice.
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These stories to be properly told should be written on a word processor then
submitted as an attachment. But for now I will tell you that my wife left
me and our one year old son back in 1992. I raised him as a single parent
for 11 years by myself. He is a fine healthy kid now at 14 years. Three
years ago the mother decided to get involved in her son's life. This gave
me time to go out and look for another woman. Two years ago I hooked up
with a woman who had some obvious problems. I thought I could help her.
But the exwife had come into a well paying job and a man who had some money
of his own. So she thought she would take Johnny to the big city where she
was moving. I agreed because I was having problems with my problem woman
and the ex and I seemed to be on good terms. All that changed when I signed
the new joint custody agreement. She moved to the big city and I haven't
talked to my son in two years. I didn't know how angry she was and I have
some evidence that she is poisoning his mind against me because of my
involvement with the new problem woman.
Now this new woman got pregnant two years ago. She was maintaining her
problems for a while. But after the baby was born she started to go wild.
I love both of my sons equally. However, she started to drink to excess and
take cocaine. Her liver went bad and she said some bad things to the wrong
people then CPS came and took my other son based on what she said in the
hospital. I always took good care of my son and I assumed that I was going
to be a single parent again. But the judge won't allow it. The case
worker keeps bring up a new problem to postpone "reunification".
I am presently considering giving up custody of the baby who has been in
foster care for almost one year. I want him out of foster care. I have
provided the judge with the name of a relative who will take him. Even that
is denied. For 9 months I did everything the CPS worker and judge demanded
from drug testing, parenting class, finger print back ground checks.
Nothing changed Then the caseworker demanded a psychiatric evaluation. She
was concerned that I wanted to potty train my then 18 month old son. I
wasn't flying under the radar. I told the judge that I
want my son out of foster care and I will give up my parental rights to do
it. He said I can do that but the court will decided who gets custody of my
son. Not me or another relative.
Talk about parental alienation. I feel like the only person in the world
who is dealing with life's problems and someone decided that I should do it
without my children. So I joined the class action lawsuit against my state
to support family law reform.
John Downes
Indiana State Leader for Lake county Indiana Civil Rights Council for Non
Custodial Parents.
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My Story : I have been alienated from my now 11 year old daughter for 8 years. I do not know where she is. He father took her. Saying if I tried anything to get her I would be killed. I did nothing, even though I have legal vistation, he has denied me the right to see her. I cry alot about this. I have 4 more children now an dwant them to know thier sister. I do not think this is fair and I want so much to do something, but he is protected by the law, the "Privacy Act" yet I am labeled a deadbeat because I can not afford the child support, I am on assistance I can't afford an pop after I pay my bills. I have told my 4 children about their sister and someday we will see her. I do not know what he has said about me, or what he has made me out to be, but I know the truth and I hope to share it with her one day. The beatings I took, because I didn't put him first, the fact he would not allow me to see her after my second child was born. I do love her and I miss her terribly. I honestly think people who stop the other parent from seeing thier child is the awlful person, especially if it is out of spite. I do believe in karma, what goes around, comes around.
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My Story : My story begins the day I married my husband because that is the day that the alienation began in earnest by my husband's ex-wife. It's interesting to me that she is the one who wasn't satisfied and filed for divorce; she didn't want him, yet she went on the warpath when he found someone else and was happy. The alienation was subtle, but it had devastating effects on his relationship with his teenage children. His ex began by scheduling other activities (using the educational best interests slant) on his visitation weekends. He thought he was being sensitive and accommodating by allowing his children to participate in these activities. He didn't want to force them to visit. He soon found out that he wouldn't get makeup weekends and the conflicts with visitation just increased. Whenever we would make some progress in visitation, his ex would pull a stunt to set it back. When his daughter refused to come out of her bedroom during visitation to join us to eat or bathe, afterward her mother screamed child abuse. The holiday and spring break visitations specified in the decree were ignored and she claimed the children were of an age that they could decide for themselves about visitations. Soon there weren't any excuses; the kids just refused to visit. His ex withheld school and medical information-even school pictures. Even when he did get the information, his input wasn't even considered on decisions concerning the children. Then his ex would turn around and accuse him of not being concerned and involved in his children's lives. There was also mind control: anytime my husband disagreed with a decision, he was mean or he wasn't supportive; if he refused to pay additional money above child support, he was selfish and didn't put his children first. And of course, then she pulled the step-mother weapon out; I was an outsider, the kids shouldn't have to tolerate me to see their father; if he really cared, he would ditch me and see them alone. The story ends with his son graduating from high school this year; my husband didn't even receive a graduation announcement. We sent a card and we will attend the graduation service, but it is just another hurtful blow to my husband. He has given up hope that his children will ever return to him. Nevertheless, we will continue to send cards and leave messages in the hopes that someday, they will break free of the control their mother has on them and come to realize their father loves them. Until then, my husband mourns their loss in his lives.
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I have recently recieved a flyer with your organization sent to me by another divorced parent. Your flyer/brochure paints an idealistic picture of divorce and the attitude that everyone should "play nice". It is not upto parent A to rectify the damage that has been done to the children by parent B. I find children just want to "get on with it" and depending on their age aren't really interested in the details surrounding their parents divorce. How do you truly understand divorce unless you have been married yourself. No matter how amicable the divorce is no child will understand it. My children can encounter hostile and aggressive behavior on the playground which can leave them disturbed,confused and frightened. I believe this to be an American website and I am writing to you from Australia. Women are still being sold the story that staying at home and taking care of their children is the best thing for them. What women are not being told is that in the Family Court of Australia money and who earns it accounts for more than anything. More than time spent with the children. So no matter if you were the best wife and mother going there is no dollar value. I would never never have stayed home with my children if I knew it would be a detriment to me 20 years down the road. This is what women are not being told. Children grow up to see things for themselves and have their own opinion. They grow up to be able to live practically anywhere in the world. So parents at war need to realize they do not own their kids. I believe their are extreme cases of mental and emotional abuse towards children just as there are other abuses.The public is aware of them but they still go on.What's the answer???
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My Story : I filed for divorce from my wife of 11yrs in May of 03'. Since then I have noticed that both my boys now 16 and 12 yrs old refuse to have any contact with me. When I ask their mother why She says "They don't want to see you." I can't believe that the same boys I wrestled with, went fishing or just hung out and watched T.V. now despised me. Their mother has told me that they have even said "I was nothing more than a sperm donor." I have not seen my older boy in nearly 3 yrs. I missed the opportunity to teach him how to drive a car, tie a tie and look another person in the eye when you talk to them. This despite the fact that I live less than two miles away. There have been no less than 3 mental health counselors and 1 psychiatrist involved in our family situation. Still no contact with my sons. There have also numerous court visits, mediations etc. and again no visits with my children. I have come to a few firm conclusions from this sad satuation. 1st. The relationship between children and their father is determined by their mother. She, ultimately is the gate keeper. 2nd. No court or judge can do anything to change the previous conclusion. 3rd. The one remedy I have found that can mildly offset the heartache of my situation, is the love of another woman. I know this sounds surprising, but it is true. I don't know if this helps anyone else, but it helped me to express myself at the very least. Thank you and no matter what, I am and will always be , my kids dad.
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My Story : Me and my wife are going through a nasty divorce and she has decided to use my children against me. i have a close bond with my children who are 1 and 5 and love them with all my heart. my wife has continued to take the kids on "overnight retreats" on a regular basis and not answer my phone calls, by the way we still reside together,no court orders, and joint custidy. she came home after 3 days away and two false police reports later so i decided to take the kids for a night to my mothers house, no fights anything. she said i can't do this and please don't. i was vry courtious and didn't argue. i asked what was the difference between when you go to yours and i go to mine which she replied i'm their mother. she than called the police department where i explained my story and they even said i didn't do anything wrong and proceeded to give the kids to my wife to leave, i politely asked why their mother and they just said that's the way the world rolls and to get a good lawyer, why their mother and not their father, i'm just as loving and caring as she is plus the fact i knew the police were coming and waited by the street so my kids wouldn't see this instead of grabbing them and taking off this has to stop.
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My Story : There is a Mother who is so angry and hurt by her divorce that she chooses to use her children as pawns to hurt her ex-husband. She weilds this power in many ways. She refuses to co-parent with the Father. She refuses to work with a parenting coordinator. She refuses to leave her children out of adult matters. This Mother holds her love conditionally to her children. They have been tasked with finding 'evidence' from the Fathers home and reporting back. A great reward is given for this adventure - her love - for the moment. This Mother proclaims in writing and follows through with actually showing and further explaining to the children portions of e-mails between she and her ex- husband so that she can 'trump' or prove that he is verbally abusive and unfair to her. These e-mails are emotional but the Father rarely if ever calls the Mother names or insults her. The Mother on the other hand has screamed and written profanities about the Father to and in front of the children. She has physically assaulted the Father in front of his children as well. The Father does not share e-mails with his children. Therefore the versions they are shown from their Mother are slanted and often squewed to suit her needs. The Father is engaging with the Mother on regular child care issues and is simply holding his position (in other words will not acquesce his point). I believe this Mother is a practicing this form of emotional abuse and parental alienation. She has no compunction or boundary in how she manipulates her children to 'side' with her and hate the Father. Unfortunatly for these children they are loyal and they want desperately to love and respect their parents.
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A Bad Social Experiment
I have been a victim of DV from my late wife, who passed away in 1996 due to agenda empowered dysfunction. I found myself a single parent and did not remarry due to what I believe has been identified as the PeterPan syndrome. Nevertheless I raised my kids faithfully and provided for them over the years all their needs, of food, clothing, and shelter, and made sure they attended school regularly. My son became ill in 2004 and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. It was during this time that I found out that I was a victim of parental fraud. He, our son, was now 18 years old. It was during this stressful time that I was experiencing a series of wrongful dismissals from employment from multinational corporations in the IT field and was forced to go back to work as a truckdriver.
We decided that we would move to BC from AB. I could get a transfer there with my employment. There was also a maternal aunt that was out there that offered assistance with my 2 youngest children, who are girls, as they had become rebellious. After relocating to BC, I found that rather than being of assistance she was inciting the rebellion as she had alternative motives. She wished to gain custody of the two girls so that she could collect welfare for having them. She coaxed my youngest girl into making accusations of physical abuse to the child welfare system. They quickly sent a rapid response worker in to our house and swooped her up on me. They then placed her with the aunt. This aunt had already had two of her previous children taken away from her through the child welfare system. She now had my youngest in her possession and I found out that she was going to take her out of the province and back to Alberta for her dads funeral. I refused to give permission and told my daughter that she needed to come home.
She reluctantly agreed but when she came back she was physically and verbally abusive. She struck me several times and said that there were all kinds of complaints against me. She said that I was under investigation. She hit me several times over the next couple of hours and this while she was talking to a social worker that she had on the phone. She seemed to be drawing support from this social worker for her dysfunction as she would say things like, "isn't he pathetic"? Finally growing exasperated I realized that I had no choice but to send her back to her aunts. I asked to speak to the social worker that she had on the phone and told her that I would be sending her back to her aunts. She then said to me, "Its okay then if she goes to AB then"? I stated to her that it was not okay but that I didn't have any options but to send her back to her aunts as I was not going to be hit anymore from my daughter.
I had managed to maintain my employment at the same time get my son involved in a trade builders program where he was receiving an income for the trade certifications that he working towards. I also had the girls scheduled for counseling through the Surrey Hospice centre, I had been attending the Parents together meetings in Surrey, BC. Upon arrival in BC I had located a three bedroom apartment that was 2 blocks away from the kids school. The girls could now both be going to the same school as high school was from 7 -12 in BC where as in AB it was 10 - 12. My youngest was starting her grade 9 and her sister was in grade 11. I had got them relocated in time for the start of the school year. There did seem to be a problem with my employment when I first located to BC. My employer was looking upon me quite suspiciously and demanded a drug test. He was quite relieved when it came back negative and placed me to work.
Well all this work for a new start now seemed to be hopeless as my family was now broken up and my daughter had been put into a drunken and violent environment and was now taken out of the province. The aunt had lied to me when she had told me that she had not been drinking for 7 years and was attending church regularly. That was the reason that I had decided that this move to BC might be a new start and help get some stability back into our lives. The insecurities that started in AB were now continuing in BC and we had not even been there 2 months. My oldest daughter was especially affected by these and was now hanging out with some new friends from school and staying out late when she had school the next day. Some times she would not even come home after her younger sister was snatched away from the government and placed into the dysfunctional drunken environment that she was now in.
I tried to encourage the kids that the best thing for us was to continue with the school and the programs and employment that we were engaged in. It would give us a measure of security in the midst of this storm.
During all this I was trying to locate an advocate, someone that would take up this cause. Most seemed to like to claim that title but had no means to take on the Behemoth of the child welfare system. There was a public outcry in BC about the same time as a small child was placed into a highly dysfunctional home and the boys father beat the child to death. I decided I would write a letter to the reporter who was covering this story and add my voice to the courus of boo's. I outlined my situation and stated that I felt that it was just one more in a long list. It turned out that I was correct, that there had been just about 1000 deaths from child welfare placements since 1996 to 2006. This in a 10 year period set off alarm bells with the public. In the inquiry that ensued the terms of reference where changed in the middle of the inquiry which caused many to cry out that there was a conspiracy.
I had gotten word and my daughter was now abandoned in AB at my mother’s old folks home. My house was once again divided by two provinces. This had happened once before during the course of my marriage. My late wife had taken the kids when I was at work in AB and ran off to BC with a guy she had met at a party of her sisters. I had applied for a court order in AB in the Queens Bench because I had found out that she was in BC. She had applied in the BC Supreme Court a day previously. Hers took precedence because it was granted a day earlier. I had to take time off work once more and go fight for my kids and oppose her order. Appearing on my own behalf she must have been told I didn't have a hope in hell. After all she had already managed to have me charged three times for assaults that I hadn't committed but plead guilty to as I knew from an early age the system was stacked against me. But She didn't know that my hope was not in hell but it was in God. And He heard my cries against all the injustices that I had endured. The judge after hearing all the evidence ordered the children returned to my care. That was back in 1994 and I had now been a single parent for 11 years. My house was once again carved up by the government and divided by two provinces. Was there ever going to be any end to this madness?
The Madness didn't stop. Once back in AB the government tried many things upon me to break me down. It was orchestrated crisis's. These included: Having my daughters put into foster care where one tried to commit suicide and I was not informed. The other one was forced to go to drug treatment for stealing drugs from the foster parent and getting caught smoking them at school. When I tried to go to court and bring these things out I was not allowed to speak but was portrayed by the government as an mentally unstable person who believed there was a conspiracy. The children and myself have been subjected to the worst type of psychological abuse imaginable. I have been to countless lawyers and they can only say that I should get some help. Unwilling to believe my story only added to the alienation from the system of abuse. The AB government effectively held my daughter without ever getting a temporary guardianship order for over 18 months.
It had a devasting impact on all of us and my son with scitzophrenia has gone into relapse and had to be rehospitalized on Feb 1, 2007. My oldest daughter who is 17 now ended up getting into an abusive relationship where she was just about beaten to death. She escaped from his vehicle and phoned me to get her. After picking her up I drove her to the hospital. Her face was badly swollen up and the white of her eyes were red with blood. The police didn't even come to the hospital. Two times previous to this incident I had tried to intervene and press charges against this guy and nothing was done. During one of those times I was even beaten up with baseball bats.
My youngest daughter ran away from the foster care that she was in and is now back at home with me. There was a court order in place that said that she could not have visitation with me except in the presence of a psychologist. The government withdrew there application for Temporary Guardianship on Apr 20/07.
The system of abuse was not able to break me but it had a devasting effect upon my children. I was conditioned at an early age to the abuse as I was in the child welfare system as a youth. It is evident to me that I have been targeted by the system. Through the losses of employment and the lawlessness that has been employed in breaking down my family.
The system finacially empowers rebellion to bring kids into the system. It attacks the natural power structure of the family and empowers the kids over the parents and the wife over the husband. I would not have been able to survive with out my good credit rating. I am now maxed out from this two year battle with government forces.
Compiling various government documents across the two provincial jurisdictions it appears as though I have been targeted by high policing(most likely CSIS). I attempted to make a human rights complaint against CSIS to the human rights commission of Canada stating that I believe that I had been discriminated against due to being a ward of the province of AB and on the grounds of a criminal record pardon. In AB a criminal record pardon is not a protected right against discrimination as it is in the other provinces of Canada. I told the precomplaint officer that phoned me that I had approximately 65 pieces of evidence that I would like them to review. She merely stated that she had no time and that they were very busy. I stated that it should be in the public interest but that perhaps the complaint was not consistant with there agenda.
What do you think? Is CSIS, or the system God. Have they exceeded there mandate and engaging in social engineering? Is Canada founded upon principals that recognize the Supremacy of God and the Rule of Law?
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My story. I spent six years in and out of the family court system fighting for every other weekend and every other holiday with my daughter. Due to an abusive and hostile costodial parent, I have been completely stripped of any relationship with my daughter. The only time I did spend with her was under monitiored and supervised visits like I was some kind of criminal that could not be alone with a child. I was completely humiliated and demoralized by the courts, counselors, mediators, judge, attorneys, monitors, case manager, etc... Parental Aliention is not only real, it is predominate. After six years of complete alienation, frustration, humiliation, and complete exhaustion - financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually, I walked away from the court and the fight for my duaghter. They killed me, raped me, and left me on the roadside for dead. Sincerley alienated father. |
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My Story : your discription was true... i have had the most heartwrenching 18months of my life, and yes it is very much like the bereavement of a child. i know this pain as my first son died aged 3 months. four years after my son died i had a beutifull son number 2,then three years later i was blessed with son number 3. i love all my boys with all my heart and was happily married for 12 years,then the divorce. being a child of divorced parents i was well aware of the hurt and insecurities that came with that,so i asked my ex-husband to agree that we would not "bad mouth" each other in front of the children and that our boys would only ever have one mum and one dad..my ex-agreed. for 4 years all went as well as it could in a divorce, i encouraged the boys to see their dad at least 3 times a week and if they knocked him i would tell them that he was their dad and that he was doing all he could for them. needless to say the last 18 months have turned my life upside down. i always had a close relationship with my boys but due to hormones and my sons transition from boy to man,we had a disagreement and when i asked his dad to help difuse the situation, he resorted to telling my son he wanted him to live with him. my son was angry but i gave him the choice of which he chose to go with his dad,hard as it was to let him go i understood he needed his dad. a few weeks in he started to get angry, for no reason,then started to visit less and less, he made odd comments knocking me, but i shrugged this off as teen atitude. the first christmas i was told by my ex that my son would not be able to visit as he was too busy over christmas,he then sent a text on christmas day to say i could have him if i could collect him,,(i have no transport).i tried to reason and get my son to get a taxi down but his dad said no. needless to say this has gone on for the last year and the visits got less and less,i have been unable to see my son on his birthday either. i sent cards and each time i rebuilt the relationship to where my son was revisiting he would suddenly stop. the last few months he has started to call me by my first name and is calling his new stepmum mum. when i tried to remind my ex of our pledge he said in front of my son "well she makes a better mum than you." this is one of many hurtfull comments that i have had to endure, each time i asked my son why he was angry he would have no answer,but just said its easier when i dont visit you.life is calmer and there are no arguments. recently my second son has gone to live with his dad,and regretably history has repeated itself,he doesnt visit either. i have spent many sleepless tearfull nights over this time trying to think what i did wrong,until i went on a chatboard and saw P.A.S. it was like a light going on... and i would say there is no hurt worse than loosing your child, let alone loosing three... thank you for your information... i cannot do any more than hope now that in a few years my sons will realise what has happend and return.
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My Story : als moeder van een 2 jarig dochtertje heb ik ook te maken met oudervervreemding.Het is onbeschrijfelijk te vertellen hoe pijnlijk de afscheuring van datgene wat je het dierbaarst is kan zijn.Door een éénzijdige dwingende beslissing van mijn man zie ik haar nu slechts 1 dag om de 2 weken.Ik moet daar zelf dan nog eens 400km voor afleggen om ze af te halen en terug te brengen want ook dat werd mij opgelegd door mijn man.Voor de rest wordt ik volledig afgesloten van haar leefwereld en de toch belangrijke evolutie in haar jong leventje.Hoe is het mogelijk dat er niet sneller ingegrepen wordt in dergelijke situaties.Het belang van het kind primeert maar wanneer? Het is pijnlijk te zien hoe mijn klein meisje te kampen krijgt met verlatingsangst hoe ze tiert en roept als ik ze terug moet brengen.Een KORTgeding zoals men dat noemen wil werd ingeleid door oneerlijke praktijken van de tegenpartij tot 2 maal uitgesteld en nu wachten we reeds 2 weken zonder enig nieuws tot op heden.Voor mij heeft elk kind recht op een vader en een moeder want beiden geven toch andere waarden mee in het leven van een kind.Het is een misdaad een kind dit recht te ontnemen en het zijn niet enkel de vaders die het slachtoffer zijn.
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My Story : Beginning around 1993, married at that time for 11 years, 3 boys, ages 11, 9, 4 and half years. My husband and father to these wonders was melting fast. Our marriage seemed solid, honest, and unfortuneatly about to change course. We decided to move from Seattle WA, to a small town in Idaho. His mothers family came from there, I had come from Idaho, and agreed to this very big move to be able to give a less stressed environment to the kids, and to ourselves. Struggles were there, financially, but worst was the difficult adjustment of leaving my own family and coming to a close knitted religious farming community with a population around 9,000thousand people. I taught exercise/fitness classes part-time at the only athletic club in the town. My husband worked with construction related companites and soon decided he would like to have his own business. Late 1988 was our arrival, by 1992 he had the deal for his own company. 1991 i gave birth to our fourth child, a daughter. Responsibilities for us as a couple were high, and time for being a couple and family grew smaller. Our relationship drifted apart, by 1992 we found out our oldest son had been´molested by the next door neighbors oldest boy who was at that time 14. Charges were filed, and counseling sought out for what had already happened. By summer we moved from the town to 2 miles out to try for another emotional break. The business grew also, and soon, we were just a family looking pretty ok from the outside but drifting apart. 1993 summer I took the kids to Seattle to visit my mom and family. Our difficulties with eachother as partners, parents, was discussed, and no solutions could be found. I wanted out of the life we had made there, I voiced my concerns, and nothing was really ever being heard. He also started seeing other women, (secretly) and an old affairs truth surfaced which sent the love and respect I had for him, into space. Our communication "died", i began taking anxiety medicine, and finally after months of struggling with depression, I demanded a divorce. We agreed joint shared custody, I didnt want a battle or to separate the kids. So we verbally agreed that the business would not be split, and the court fees to not be extended or wasted in the mud. I moved from our home, signed the papers, and naively thought this person I had married would stand on what we both agreed upon. The beginning of the end, I walked away with no money, no custody, but thought I was saving my children from unnecessary arguments and stress. He had full power, and ´stupidly I let my parental rights slip away. From seeing the children as a stay home mom to only everyother weekend, and sometimes´a moment in between. My ex already seeing another woman. 3 months after the divorce i took a trip to Europe, Norway and Denmark, to get away , and meet my mothers side of the family in there homeland. My journey took me to a land and place where i felt some hope and relief for myself and situation. I returned to find my ex even more defiant and controlling, so decided to get away again for 3 months to Denmark where i had met many wonderful people and had made friends. I met and married a danish man a year later. My visitation rights were to have the kids all summer and everyother weekend, no child support was requested from me until i could establish myself with a home and steady job. For 6 years, my life came to being in the USA for 3 months back to DK for 3 months and back to the states. My mother moved from Seattle to Idaho and was my resident rock, and stability for that time. Her sacrifice is and was unbelievingly amazing. Then my ex filed papers with child support, and I was subpeoned, i went to court and could only agree to pay support after getting back to DK and finding fulltime work. That didnt happen, but i did manage to find part time work, and was able to send money for a year. 2001 i visited my kids for that summer and had a mental breakdown. Hospitalized, and then returned to Denmark. 2002 Jan, my oldest son committed suicide. I have always tried to maintain communication with the kids, and never got support from there father about a thing, only the harsh words he pricked into there ears... If she cared about you she wouldnt have moved to the other side of the world. He still uses it, The pieces of my life are scattered, my emotional strength shattered from the death of our oldest son. I have been back in 2003 and 2006 but time apart and too many misunderstandings have left me weak, and too vulnerable to really face anything, I lost, I hate what i let happen, I dont know where I can "fix" anything, and consequently have sort of given up. My heart will hurt forever, and I really dont want this to be the end.
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My Story : It's all quite simple. I live in the Tampa Bay Area of Florida. Florida is one of those no-fault divorce states. My wife, a stay-at-home-mom/part-time-worker/part-time-student, got some bug that she wanted a divorce from me. We've got 2 boys, ages 15 and 11. Since she's got virtually no financial equity in the 17 years that we've been married, she bad mouthed me to the kids. My older son said "Mom says divorce is OK if you're divorcing someone who is not Christian." My younger son demanded of me "Give me back my trust fund NOW!". I of course told him that I put his money in a safe place. I've gotten caught in the trap of arguing with my sons when their mother's words were coming out of their mouths. When my wife wasn't getting what she wanted she set me up for failure and I was removed by a domestic violence injunction, where she sites events that she was not a witness to and the kids were pumped up. I haven't seen my sons since March 21, 2007 (almost 2 months) and a major part of the problem is the court system, that they should entertain such nonsense, which translates to PAS, which translates to child abuse. My wife knows what she is doing, but she doesn't care about the kids. I, of course, can not have any contact with the kids, because of the DVI. And so the alienation continues. Do they miss me? Do they love me? Are they hurt? Are they sad? Have the become totally void of feelings? I wish I could hold them and tell them how much I miss them and love them, but the courts won't allow it. My wife has practiced some other forms of child abuse that I am getting to the bottom of. My younger son, does NOT have the peanut allergy that she's lead everyone to believe. Since I started digging into this, she's been very active in her alienation practices. My older son, was DIAGNOSED with ADD. Apparently, he doesn't have it. Although, thanks to her, he has spent half of his life on Ritalin. Again, she hates that I am a problem solver, and so she has the kids believing that I am an evil father. It was me, that took the boys camping in cub scouts. It was me, that took them fishing. It was me that showed them how to use hand tools and took them bike riding. Not my wife. It's true that my wife and I have problems, but she brought the kids into the battle as her shield. One day they'll know the truth.
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My Story : The voice mail Alec Baldwin left his daughter, Ireland midway in April 2007 has brought attention of parental alienation to the media. I'm not going to quote any of the message. It has circulated amply through the media. I want to use this story to point out the tactics and behaviors of a parent who alienates the other parent from their children. The frustration and behaviors of the parent who is alienated might display, and the assistance of Family Court in enabling this horrendous act that is a great injustice to a parent child relationship. Also, the responsibility and conduct all parties should manifest concerning the child's mental, physical, and emotional well-being. This includes family member, friends, attorneys, and officers of the court. Furthermore, some of the characteristics and behaviors of a child caught in this dilemma may demonstrate. The raging voice mail Alec left his daughter is upsetting to listen to and inappropriate. I do not excuse the belittling message he delivered. I do understand the frustration and the emotional pain that he is enduring that may have blown out the pressure valve of his anger and how someone in this situation may displace this hostility. With deep regret, I have lost my cool in similar fashion and left a voice message of my own for my daughters that ended up addressing my ex-wife with unpleasant verbalization and earsplitting vocalization. Calling my daughters at the appropriate time I was allowed to contact them which was set by a judge in Family Court. The first attempt provided no answer. Fifteen minutes later, the same result. A half hour later the other end picked up the phone with an abrasive, "They're not here, and they don't want to talk to you!" Then not so softly, my ex-wife hung up the receiver. Redialing the number, to find out when they would be available to talk and let them know I love them and to touch base on how they are doing the ex-wife lashed out, "You're not going to talk to or see them ever again! Get it through you head! You are never ever going to see them again, I'll see to it!" Before I could get a word in edge wise, she slammed the phone down. She ignited the fuse. Believing I calmed down sufficiently, I called back about ten minutes later aware the answering machine would engage. I began by telling my daughters I love them and wished they where home to talk to them. As I continued to convey my message, I could feel the lit fuse advancing to detonation. Within milliseconds, the rage exploded and I was giving their mom a piece of my mind, I bemoan it was the shrapnel of irrationality. When I hung up the receiver, I cursed myself for being stupid, stupid, stupid. Laminating over my behavior I displayed and the situation of being restricted from my precious girls. I now hoped they do not hear this recording of this raving man. I normally do not lose my composer so easily. Compounding the bewilderment, I just gave the alienator the ammunition to further distance our children from me, with the assistance of the Family Court judge. Being subject to parental alienation, I can easily see how one my react and how the alienator can and often will use such a taped recording to advance their campaign to eliminate the other parent from any meaningful relationship with there children. At the same time deflecting attention from themselves and their vindictiveness by putting focus on the alienated conduct who has been constantly provoked by the opposing party which lead up to the outburst. For the self righteous people who can't get passed the voice mail Alec left his daughter, Ireland. Who condemn him and have not experience parental alienation. I ask you to open your mind, think of a time, and a situation when you where not in the best of moods. Put yourself in that place when someone intentionally pestered you. You politely ask them to stop; but they continue. You firmly ask them to stop again; but they maintain the poking at your nerves. This time you harshly demand them to cut it out; but they intensify the aggravation. Finally, you blow up and start ranting and cursing due to the fact, they will not leave you in peace. Now, image how much more intense it is when it involves the relationship with someone you love and means the world to you, like your children. The parents must display courtesy amongst themselves. Regardless of any ill feelings, they may have toward one another. Keeping in mind how you interrelate will have an effect, either positively or negatively on their child's development. Make the right and rational decision to add value to your precious children's upbringing. Furthermore, they should encourage the interaction and development of the relationship between the child and both parents. A practical parenting plan should be in place. Neither parent ought to interfere with the other parent's priceless time they have with their beloved children. Open communication dealing with the children's schooling, activities, medical information, interest, events, who they socialize with, and any changes that may occur, divulged, when appropriately warranted. Refrain from speaking ill of each other to or in front of your children; be civil. Any irrational demeaning games; such as, pushing those buttons, being hurtful, degrading, humiliating; or flat out implementing physical, mental, emotional, or financial abusive misery must be abolished. Spitefulness places your children in an awkward position of believing they must show allegiance toward one parent over the other who is not present. Imagine the dilemma they must go through when both parents are at hand. The affect of this vainness may cause your children to withdraw concealing their internal well-being from both of you, hampering your ability to mentally and emotionally support them. Give your precious CHILDREN the opportunity to be proud of you for being rational, stable, responsible, and loving parents. Add value to their lives. Celebrate and cherish the time you have with them. Create happy memories for them to draw from. All the while giving them your over flowing LOVE. Show your children you are the best PARENTS in the world.
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My Story : My husband has custody of his two minor children and his ex has resonable visitation. In the begining she had the children half of the time but for the past 2 1/2 years she recieves every other weekend and she changed that. When my husband and I moved in together, she called child protective services on us claiming abuse(which was dropped because there was none), she repeatedly told the oldest child she will be coming to live with her soon. If we take the children somewhere special (ex. Chuckie cheese, which we can not afford on a regular basis) the very next weekend she will do the same. If the children tell her of special plans before we are able to take them she will do the same. It always seems she will try to one up us if she can which we will not play that game. The children have come home a sayed that mom calls their dad lazy and that he does not take care of them because he is always playing video games. My step son came home and called me fat because that is what him mom said. My step daughter also informed us that her dad needed to pay his ex for babysitting. There are numerous other things that are said. The children are 6 and 8 now and sometimes they tell us they want to go live with mom because they are allowed to watch t.v and play video games as long as they want and they pretty much get what ever they want. The one thing that is becoming more obvious is how the ex is now showing a big difference between the daughter and son. I really don't know if this would be considered parent alienation since my husband has custody but this is a problem that custodial parents often face.
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My Story : My babys mother always starts conflict with me on the phone , with the phone set on speakerphone for my 3 yr old daughter to hear. She witnesses the fights and often says " mommy, father" ,.." mommy is mad at you". It's heartbraking. Her mother lives in Savanahh, Georgia with her husband who is also very rude, condescending, immature and hateful towards me. I am so broken down and emotionally abused/drained from all of this, I just want it to stop. Please feel free to publish this for the purpose of bonding with other parents who are going through the same struggle. Keep your head up, God bless.
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My Story : In short, My ex and I divourced. My daughter and I were really close. Did everything together. Football games, sporting events. (The ex did not like to do anything social) Now that were divourced everytime something comes up (back taxes etc) she keeps me from talking with her. We talked about splitting up the easter holiday. She was in a bad mood and only let me have her one extra day then what I normally get. I get my daughter every other week end Friday night at 6 and then have to return her 6 on Sunday. And then a schedule that my ex put together for summers. My daughter is 14 and wanted to live with me since day one. But I was scared of my ex. So I didn't fight. Yes I was scared of her. She does drink. (She told my daughter one night to take the phone because she didn't want to call anyone while drunk.) When she gets mad about something she cuses me out and makes it so I can't talk to my daughter when there's a rift between us. My question is this, Can I get someone court ordered while she's with me to talk with my daughter and work it out? I've tried in the past to talk to my ex and all that happens is explicit words etc etc. nasty emails, nasty letters, text messeges to my fiance. I just need someone in between. I have NEVER sent anything nasty to her. Now that I've refused to listen she claims that she's tried to talk with me and sends me messeges etc. We could.nt communicate while married and I knew we wouldn't be able to now.
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My husband and I see the effects of parental alienation all the time with his daughters (my step-daughters). He is the father that the courts refuse to see - the father that tries to talk to his daughters (ages 6 and 9) every day. The father that faithfully pays his child support on time twice a month. The father that goes to his daughters parent teacher conferences, field trips and school performances. The father that prays for his family every night, as well as reading the scriptures and praying with his daughters when they are home with us.
His ex-wife ignores the phone calls, tells him that the girls are already asleep or won't even tell him where they are. She had the girls pinky promise to never love me (the new step-mom) and never call me any form of Mom. She doesn't tell him about our oldest daughters medical appointments, or tells him a day in advance when he can't get time off of work. (Our oldest is disabled). Even though they have joint legal custody, this means nothing when the girls tell us how their mother leaves them alone all night long and they aren't supposed to tell us anything that happens in their home or they will lose dessert and television. (Essentials to children who are six and nine!)
While in her care, she left them in the hands of a teenager who left the home, leaving our sweet daughters to be sexually abused by the babysitters' teenage brothers. My husband contacted social services who told him that the boys probably would not be convicted. The ex-wife did not tell him about the sexual abuse - my husband found out by the mother of the abusers eight days after it occurred. We brought his ex to court for contempt, and even though she was found in contempt, we were told (quote unquote by the Judge presiding) "you can not expect to have the same relationship with your daughters that you did when you were married. She (the ex-wife) needs her privacy and you may only call the girls twice a week during an hour time slot." Even in a contempt hearing, my husband was told that he could not have a close relationship with his daughters, and now, contact them even less.
Parental alienation is real. It is all around us. To rise above it and allow your children to love and have affection for both parents without letting your feelings get in the middle is a hard thing to do, but it is essential for the well being of your children. When will parents start acting like parents instead of spoiled, selfish brats?
Our story is probably not that unique - but it is what we are living. We have filed papers to obtain full custody of our daughters and give them a stable, loving, clean and caring home; but even our attorney told us that this probably won't happen because the judge is bias toward women having custody of the children except when drugs are involved. Quite literally, she is going to have to have the girls in the car and be arrested for DWI and being high on drugs before we can help our daughters.
What can we do when the "system" seems to not see the situation for what it is? We like to think that things will change. There's a saying....work like it all depends on you, and pray like it all depends on God. So far, this is what we're doing.
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My Story : My children have been affected by this behavior for years. I have refused to fight over my children. I have been taunted by divorce court staff, told to leave by legal aid after asking what my rights were.
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My Story : This is the story of my 15 year old step-daughter. She has been mentally and emotionally abused from the day the "family" courts ruled her mother as the "fit and moral" parent. For years she has been told by her mother that she "couldn't go on without her" if she decided to live with her father. She has fought for 2 years AGAINST letting her daughter spend more time with her father. She has been sending my step-daughter to psychotherapy with a social worker who ignores FDA warnings by recommending Zoloft for an adolescent while also ignoring the recommendations of her peers (actually REAL psychologists) that children of divorce/seperation be encouraged to spend as much time as possible with their father. Aparently this child, who has been mentally abused her entire life is being led to believe that SHE can make the decision when she goes to see the father that she has been trained to hate. Her mother claims that she is "afraid" of her ex-husband - who has NEVER been accused of any type of physical abuse by anyone while constantly antagonizing him. Any intelligent and rational person - includiong a social worker who has NEVER met the child's father - would see through her mother's lies. In the mean time, the damage continues to spread like a cancer and my fear is soon my husband will lose all contact with his oldest daughter. For this I would like to thank the "family Courts for their ineptitude by creating the "abscent parent" in an effort to maximize their Title IVD Federal funding and not "the best interest of the child". I would also like to thank the "funk scientists" who would rather resord to "chemical parenting" over encouraging a loving relationship with BOTH parents and finally the Family Laywer industry who - through their own greed continue to fuel this epidemic by continueing the war between parents for their own financial well being. Until the general public is aware of this problem, we will continue to see the decay of society as a whole as well as millions of dysfunctional adults in the future.
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My husband and I see the effects of parental alienation all the time with his daughters (my step-daughters). He is the father that the courts refuse to see - the father that tries to talk to his daughters (ages 6 and 9) every day. The father that faithfully pays his child support on time twice a month. The father that goes to his daughters parent teacher conferences, field trips and school performances. The father that prays for his family every night, as well as reading the scriptures and praying with his daughters when they are home with us.
His ex-wife ignores the phone calls, tells him that the girls are already asleep or won't even tell him where they are. She had the girls pinky promise to never love me (the new step-mom) and never call me any form of Mom. She doesn't tell him about our oldest daughters medical appointments, or tells him a day in advance when he can't get time off of work. (Our oldest is disabled). Even though they have joint legal custody, this means nothing when the girls tell us how their mother leaves them alone all night long and they aren't supposed to tell us anything that happens in their home or they will lose dessert and television. (Essentials to children who are six and nine!)
While in her care, she left them in the hands of a teenager who left the home, leaving our sweet daughters to be sexually abused by the babysitters' teenage brothers. My husband contacted social services who told him that the boys probably would not be convicted. The ex-wife did not tell him about the sexual abuse - my husband found out by the mother of the abusers eight days after it occurred. We brought his ex to court for contempt, and even though she was found in contempt, we were told (quote unquote by the Judge presiding) "you can not expect to have the same relationship with your daughters that you did when you were married. She (the ex-wife) needs her privacy and you may only call the girls twice a week during an hour time slot." Even in a contempt hearing, my husband was told that he could not have a close relationship with his daughters, and now, contact them even less.
Parental alienation is real. It is all around us. To rise above it and allow your children to love and have affection for both parents without letting your feelings get in the middle is a hard thing to do, but it is essential for the well being of your children. When will parents start acting like parents instead of spoiled, selfish brats?
Our story is probably not that unique - but it is what we are living. We have filed papers to obtain full custody of our daughters and give them a stable, loving, clean and caring home; but even our attorney told us that this probably won't happen because the judge is bias toward women having custody of the children except when drugs are involved. Quite literally, she is going to have to have the girls in the car and be arrested for DWI and being high on drugs before we can help our daughters.
What can we do when the "system" seems to not see the situation for what it is? We like to think that things will change. There's a saying....work like it all depends on you, and pray like it all depends on God. So far, this is what we're doing.
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My Story : I was married to a man for almost 8 years. We divorced and I took the kids and moved to California where my family was. In 1987 my ex came and got my kids by mutual agreement that he would return them in May as I was having some health problems. He did not return them. He was married again and his new wife told the kids I got killed in a car accident. I called often to talk to my kids and was told they were not there. Everytime I went for visitation they would not let me have my kids by myself. I have tried to build a relationship with my children but to no avail. When I would call to say I was coming down for visitation I was told my kids would not be there and I did not know where they were. My kids are grown and married now. But I don't know how to bridge the gap and get to know them after all the lies and damage has been done. Hopefully someone can help me. My oldest daughter hates me. I have not been able to talk to my youngest daughter. I sent a Chirstmas card and my ex-husband's new wife wrote me and told me I abandoned my kids and that is just not true. I have been alienated by my kids thanks to my ex-husband and his wives. I just wish I can talk to my children by myself without interuption to tell my side of the story. The lies that were told about me to my kids would just freak out most people. But I am just trying to find my children and build a new relationship with them and hope someday that someone can help me. Thank you
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My Story : I was married for 22 years. My relationship with my ex was up and down, we were never on the same page. Except for one thing, our two girls. We wanted the best for them so we always encouraged them to be respectful of us. Such as go tell you father thank you, or go help your mother she does a lot for you. You get the idea. Well, about 2 years ago my girls 15 and 21 at the time caught their mother having an affair with a builder whom she sold homes for. That year during her affair I couldnt tell what was up or down my ex's behavior was confusing. She wanted a divorce and got one. My girls told me about the affair after the divorce. They kept it secret for 9 months. My relationship with my girls was fine until I started dating a wonderful woman. My ex told the girls that I had been having an affair with her during our marriage. So somehow I am the bad guy responsible for every thing that went wrong or is wrong. My younger daughter uses words like I dont have to listen to you. The older daughter has completely disowned me. They both have. They had a loving relationship with me until their mother started with her sick stuff. I cant believe a parent can have so much power. I'm supposed to have every other weekend with my daughter but her mother says she doesnt have to. I was told going to court to enforce the agreement would be a waste of time and money, because a judge will listen to what the child wants. Sure I wouldnt want to be with my dad if he were the creep their mother is making me out to be. I'm lost! P.S. My ex always threatened me during the divorce that she will make it so I never see my youngest daughter again. In fact she used my girls as tools throughout our marriage. She knows how much I love them.
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