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Letters from parents
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In March 2003 my now ex-husband reluctantly left after I asked him to give me some space & needed to get well after a severe depression as we were about to lose our house & become bankrupt & he had refused to take responsibility of this & left me to sort it along with the care of the children. Other issues were involved too.
Within a month of him leaving he refused to have any contact with the children whatsoever & told me to give him a good reason to see them. As months went on the situation did not change with refusals from him to attend any school functios or parents evenings. These actions affected my youngest son & suffered severe anger problems as a result. His school has been very understanding of the situation & he has since settled well although it has been a long road for him.
My attempts to tell his father about his behaviour was doing to his son was met with hostility & blame to me saying that he wouldn't have behaved in this way had I not told him to leave. Now it is March 2006 & the situation remains the same along with keeping them short on child support with no way of contacting him about this. We have gained strength from this & am determined for it not to let it affect my children adversely & have tried to carry on with their lives & mine as normally as possible. Any anger I have felt has since been replaced with sadness/pity for their father as he has totally lost the love & respect of 2 beautiful children as family is all there is at the end of the day. Thank you. A-UK |
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My story: I know of a child who sees her father once a week for one hour. The parents are in the process of a divorce. The child is 5-years old and she goes into different behaviors prior to visits and after visits. Visits are supervised at a center. When with her father, she hugs and shows affection for her dad. She has a good time during visits. How do you explain her behavior before and after visits. She is mean to everyone, (her little sister and her mother). She has nightmares and screams at night just prior to visits. Her little sister was potty trained, now she wet and soil her underwear. Is this a sign of parental alienation? |
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I have three children from three different mothers. My first child was taken out of the country in 1971, against court orders and no one would help. That child found me in July of 2000, 29 years later. There is no relationship.
My second child disappeared with her mother in 1980 against court orders and no one would help. I had a total custody order and the county sheriff refused to enforce it, I have never been able to find that child, she is now 30 years old.
My youngest child is 13 I have a total custody order for her the courts refuse to enforce. She is at the beginning of stage three PAS. I want to get her into counseling but can not get the courts to help. They have refused to hear my motions and have violated no less than 18 state and federal laws to prevent me from having custody and have allowed her to be moved 2200 miles away. I obtained a total change of custody order from the original decree court by default when the mother had been properly served for the hearing and refused to appear.
I filed the complaint with the original court because the child had been move seven times without any notice and from state to state in less than three years. The original court had a contract in the original divorce decree to maintain continuing jurisdiction. The issues were 6 separate issues of contempt of the original custody visitation orders. Even by vacuum jurisdiction the original court was the only court that could exercise subject matter jurisdiction. The enforcing court admits it did not have subject matter jurisdiction in the orders it wrote, refusing enforcement of the orders from the original decree court.
The enforcing court stated " I do not like that law and will do as I see fit in my court" and refused to register the foreign judgment, the new order was dated January 05,2004 and the enforcing courts order was dated January 09,2004. Court ruling March 19,2004, upheld lower court ruling, in a hearing to register a foreign judgement, Stating that nothing was proven against the mother, that hearing took place in the original decree court, the enforcing court has no right to question the ruling of the issuing court and is requird by law to enforce the change of custody order. I can prove this courts action was willful and malicious and no body will help.
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Although I had restraining orders against my former attorney spouse, preventing him from injuring our daughter; when I insisted they be enforced, I was put on Supervised visitation, because my con continued talking about his abuse, (and the court-appointed psychologist stating his abuse must be addressed), the judges thought otherwise.
So I wound up "sentenced" to Supervised Visitation. That's when I discovered the woman running the center, was a con artist. Three cover stories later, it's been well reported, and yet Nothing changes. I haven't seen, written, or spoken to my daughter in Five years. She is fully alienated, as is my son.
The judges know family court and the custody industry is all commerce, all the time. The mantra being:"this is in the best interests of the children." There's an attorney and therapist around every corner. |
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My story is perhaps a typical one of two parents splitting up and one being angry with the other. Although i can see the anger and the differing effects divorce has on different people, i cannot excuse the behaviour of my ex wife when it comes to mentally abusing myself and the use of children as pawns in an emotional battle she has instigated.
I have been told i am a loser, a joke, and many names you couldnt print in any publications! all in front of my 2 children. I have been physically assaulted, had an iron,drill,pots and pans all thrown at me,kicked and punched, all in front of the children.I have been threatened, to the point where she has said she would lie in front of court judges and tell them i have been both mentally and physically abusing her and the kids. I have been told by my children that mummy says daddy doesnt love them any more,doesnt care about them, doesnt want to be with them, all of which i have to rebuild faith and trust with my children again,and every time i see them. to see the heartache on there faces as mummy continuously berates daddy whenever she picks them up from my place is terrible.
All i want is for my children to grow up with a healthy love for both parents, but the picture of what they know as "daddy" is being painted a very different colour by the childrens mother. My ex wife has new partner living in the house with her and the children, and still continues to verbally abuse me in front of them as they tell me all about it when they are with me. Even in front of other parents at school, calling of names and trying to belittle anything i say. I am made of strong stuff,and will not let her get to me. But,i'm afraid the children have to live with the images of there mothers anger towards me forever. which is something they shouldnt have to do! I have a new girlfriend now, who the children enjoy being with when were all together, and have great affection for.
She has my 100% trust regarding being with the children, as my ex wifes new live in partner must also have with her. We have been threatened, abused, and the latest trick was to send me a text message accusing my gf of being a child molestor!! My solicitors act on things when i ask them but the abuse is continuous and doesnt seem to ease. And finally, perhaps the most frightening of all, is my ex wifes job! She carries out all this angry abusive behaviour, emotional abuse of the kids and continuous alienation of me, when she in fact gets paid by the national health service to manage cases of child and adolescent mental health, and is reponsible for the counselling of such patients. How can she carry on like this in her private life and provide the sort of help that young adults and children need!?
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My Story : My children used to come and visit their grandparents and family in the USA every summer since they were born in 1992 & 1996. Then we got divorced and the ex-wife decided to cut all ties and since 2001 the children (now 13 & 10) have not been able to see their grandkids. She lives in Spain. Please let her know that the children are suffering from PAS and need to be with their father and grandparents and family. She has changed the tels. at home so I can't call the kids. Spain is the worst offender of letting fathers be with their children.
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I met my ex-wife (‘X’) in 1991. She was divorced with a two year old daughter (‘A’). She concentrated a lot of effort bad mouthing her first husband in front of ‘A’, and suggesting that ‘A’ would be happier not seeing her father regularly. This alienation worked and ‘A’ had very limited contact with her father.
‘X’ would tell ‘A’ that she could go to see her daddy or she could have "more fun at home with mummy". ‘X’ would invent special occasions to entice ‘A’ to say that she wanted to stay with mummy and not visit her daddy. Unfortunately, her father let this happen and did not exercise or insist on his rights.
Now years later ’X’ is trying to alienate my own children against me.
I married ‘X’ in 1994. Our first daughter was born in 1995. Things very quickly changed. ‘X’ became very moody and sometimes violent toward me and the children.
When ‘A’ was about seven she received a small dolls set for Christmas from my brother. A few days after Christmas ‘X’ was annoyed that ‘A's bedroom was untidy so she smashed the toy under her foot in front of ‘A’ and warned her that if the room was not kept tidy she would do the same to the other toys. This is just one of hundreds of examples.
The violence was also physical and ‘A’ was often slapped and pushed around.
In 2001 a neighbour complained to Social Services about ‘X’ hitting ‘A’ in the face. They interviewed ‘A’ and the police were called. ‘X’ received a warning for her behaviour.
We had two daughters of our own.
Our relationship deteriorated to the point where I would fear returning home from work and would find any excuse to take the children out for the day.
A few years ago I discovered ‘X’ was having an affair. I left her and after a difficult period we divorced. She moved her boyfriend into my house and she still lives with him. I recently discovered he has criminal convictions for offences against young girls, but that is in the hands of my lawyers. In the meantime I see my children almost every weekend. It is difficult as I have to rely on their mother to make them available and the UK legal system is so anti-male I am struggling to protect my children. I gave ‘X’ enough money to buy a house for her and the children (and her boyfriend!) and every month pay a lot of maintenance. My children stay most weekends but their mother often tries to make excuses to stop my access - it is only by standing my ground and putting my children’s interests first that I continue to see them. I have to put them first even if their mother is intent on using them as a means of getting more money from me.
About 9 months after we separated I met a girl who turned my life around. She had two children from a previous marriage herself. All the children get on brilliantly.
'A' chose to come to live with me (and my new girlfriend). She could not forgive her mother for her violence or continue to live in the same house as her. She recently moved out into her own flat (she is now 17) and I see her most weekends. I continued to support her as my own child for all that time but also made sure she built a relationship with her father.
I do not know what the future will bring but I will keep fighting for the protection of my children. I know there are good and bad mothers and fathers but the legal system (and UK political parties) are so anti-male they are creating an atmosphere where children are at increased risk. Unless we put a stop to the unjust situation and we allow children to be loved by both parents equally we will continue to see an increase in antisocial behaviour, insecurity and fear where none should exist, increasing in turn divorce, arguments and further levels of abuse.
It is important for alienated parents to stand their ground and fight for their rights, not for themselves but for their children. Children need to develop in a loving environment and both parents owe it to their child to put their personal feelings to the back and put their children first.
I tell my children I love them every day and they know that I will always be there for them despite their mothers evil comments.
I urge all parents in similar situations never to give up. We owe it to our children to make a change for the better.
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 This is a card from my oldest daughter. She loved me then, and
I know one day we will get to see each other again and she will remember how
very close we were.
Please Dear God, let my daughters remember how much I love them, and if you
can, please let them remember how much they loved me. I need them so much, my
mother needs them so much. They are so loved and wanted, and I pray that you
will one day reunite this very strong family. |
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My daughter (now 10) was taken from me by her mother when only 2yrs old, giving the Courts absolutely no reasons at all other than that she didnt feel like letting me see her after we had seperated.
Being that her mother and I were never married, I stood no chance at all in the Courts and so in my absence the case was put in her mothers favour and I was instructed by her solicitor to stay away, eventhough I had done absolutely nothing wrong at all. I posed no threat to my daughter nor her mother, I was not aggressive nor was I dangerous in any way, yet I was taken out of my childs life without any reason at all. Y
ears later my daughter made contact with me and we share what little time we can when such time allows without her mother knowing but it hurst my child, as it does me too. The law does not support single fathers at all, regardless of how well we do in life, its never good enough.
Sexual discrimination is an understatement. It has caused many years of pain and my child has not been able to share her growing up with her father joy, pain, love, pride in learning, growing, changing, all the things a child goes through in life and needs to know that BOTH parents love them very much.
Please advise further on how I may re-open the case or how I can approach the courts in attempting contact again BEFORE my child gets too old to care. Meanwhile my child and her mother have moved away and I dont even have the right to know where they are. At least I want to be able to let my child know where I am so that in time SHE will be able to make contact with me if she so desires.
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My husband left his family nearly three years ago. On the night he left, his wife vowed that he would never see his children again. In front of him, she told them that he was an evil, evil may who had broken his promise to be with them forever.
Since then, he has had no contact, despite going through the courts. The children (11, 9, and 6) still say they hate him and never want to see him again because he broke his promise to stay with them. Before he left he dealt with most of the parenting tasks, took them to school, etc. spent every minute when he wasn't working with his girls, because he had no relationship with his wife, it was all he had. He has written to his daughters every week since leaving, a total of 130 letters, in reply there has been nothing, no response except when his ex objected to the content, eg, he had a holiday and had fun. Parental alienation syndrome??????/Is the tip of a huge iceberg. |
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My story is one of a young boy alienated from his father and his grandparents on his mother's side not to mention the rest of his family who love him more than life.
I am the maternal grandmother. My daughter got involved with a very controlling man when my grandson was three years old. My daughter and my grandson moved in with this man and he does not want my grandson having anything to do with his real father, grandparents on both sides, cousin, Aunts and Uncles. My grandson was born and raised with all of us and now he only gets to come over every month or two. When he is here, he loves it. He is allowed to be a child. He was never allowed that with my daughters boyfriend. He cries when he has to go back to bootcamp. This child is going to be 11 this year.
I can only wish he were old enough to leave his situation and be free of this man. This year he will probbly fail his grade in school. He has been in 4 different schools and is in grade 5. He is an only child and a very lonely child as has been mentioned to me by people who know his situation at home. I want so badly to free him but I don't want to take him from his mother. Being a grandmother there is nothing I can do to help him.
The agony just goes on day after day. he is constantly told that his father is no good and that he is useless. I can only imagine the pain that this child is in with nobody to help him. Please let there be something that we can do for him? There is so much going on here., much too much to tell...Thank you for listening...E |
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My son is 5 years old, I have attended the Family Court a total of 40 times. I have spent £18,000 and my parents an additional £5,000. I now see my son regular (44% of contact time).
Fortunately, we have always enjoyed our contact time and have a fantastic and loving relationship. However the parental alienation continues. I am known as "****" my first name and not "Dad" when my son is living in his mothers home with her partner. My son's grandad and Grandma are called vicious names I do not wish to repeat. My son is not allowed to call me "Dad" in her company. He must obey his mother and call her partner Dad instead and refer to me by my first name.
My family and I and friends never say anything bad in retaliation. My mother has written to the school and asked that I am not provided with my son's homework on collection by me. I had to return to Court in order to change this. The mothers partner says "have you been with the nasty people" and tells my son he would like to hit me in the face. The mothers sister is supportive of the actions.
My son can't understand why everybody on one side of a family hates me and his paternal grandparents and uncles. I have provided just a few examples, unfortunately the list is added to, every week.
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Where do I begin? Some 20 years ago I lost my dear eldest son at the age of 7 years in a road accident. I thought that nothing could compare with the loss and distress of that. That was until I became a victim of parental alienation.
I am now going through that anguish and pain again by being systematically and deliberately seperated from my youngest son,also now 7 years. Our relationship has gone from a close and loving one to where he now appears frightened of me and will not now come on contact visits or speak to me on the phone.
It is now two months since I have seen him anywhere except on the doorstep of his mothers home. He is very nervous when in my precense, his mother is always in attendance giving instructions on behaviour and supervising.I am told he does not wish to see me as he is frightened of me. We had a succesful relationship for 4 years after divorce initiated by his mother. Overnight stays, holidays and trips out were fun, and he was always the first out the car when I collected him at the lonely car park his mother insisted we met. He often told me that he loved me and missed me as our visits were only fornightly and involved a 250 mile trip to see him.I used to tell him to look at the moon before he went to bed and remember that the same moon shone on me also.
Attempts to phone were often blocked, his mother preventing him from speaking to me even when I could hear him crying in the background "I want to talk to my Dad" Very often he would come to see me when ill, and I looked after him as best I could in car in winter over 100 miles from my home. Things started going wrong last year when his mother moved into her current home and got a regular job, my role as baby sitter now not needed. It started with a gradual cooling off and apphrehensiveness,then one evening when I went to collect him he ran away from me shouting " Its the nasty man" and hid in his mothers car.This came as a great shock to me and no explanantion was offered. As his 9 year old sister continues to see me, and has been treated no differently I cannot see that anything I have done could have caused this.
She tells me that on some occasions when I rang , he has been encouraged to "moon" at the phone by his cousins. Mum has told them that I cannot cope with seeing both of them at once, and they have been taught to call me "Spud" His mother is well practised in this, she is repeating a succesful formula that seperated her sons from previous marriages from their fathers also. I am at a loss as how to deal with this, I have tried the school, the medical authorities all of whom are indifferent if not totally unsympathetic.I cannot and will not go to the courts for both financial reasons and also for my lack of faith in getting justice there.
This event has scarred everybody it has touched, the biggest loser is my son who is now without a fathers love. I fear for his future and can only see my dear son being destroyed by the cruelty of whoever within his mothers family hopes to profit from this appalling form of child abuse.
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My husband left his family nearly three years ago. On the night he left, his wife vowed that he would never see his children again. In front of him she told them that he was an evil evil man who had broken his promise to be with them forever.
Since then he has had no contact, despite going through the courts. The children (11,9 amd 6) still say they hate him and never want to see him again because he broke his promise to stay with them. Before he left he dealt with most of the parenting tasks, took them to school etc, spent every minute when he wasnt at work with his girls, because he had no relationship with his wife, it was all he had.
He has written to his daughters every week since leaving, a total of 130 letters, in reply there has been nothing, no response except when his ex objected to the content, eg, he had a holiday and had fun. Parental alienation syndrome???????/Is the tip of a huge iceberg |
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As a father, I could not have predicted the emotional bonding and protective attitude I felt followng my daughter's birth. And probably as many parents, I believed my daughter was the best and most beautiful child above any other.
In the context of our divorce, and subsequent custody arrangements, an increasing pattern of mistrust developed between myself and former spouse and in-laws. The pattern of allegations aimed at the exclusion of my daughter from my life also escalated as litigation continued from an inability to care for an infant, to mild physical abuse and finally to what is known as "the atomic bomb" in PA circles, sexual abuse.
And my daughter's love for her father would first become a "secret", before it would be slowly extinguished. Once the bomb had been dropped, this became for the alienating parent, along with her supporters, justification for my daughter to hate, hit, spit on and kick myself, my current spouse, professionals and any others deemed supportive of a relationship between my daughter and her father.
Conversely, the promotion of such behavior was actually condoned by "professionals" supportive of my ex-spouse and maternal grandparents. My daughter also made her own contributions to the denigration that were undeniably her own inventions - the very definition of parental alienation syndrome.
My daughter would go on to be hospitalized in a psychiatric ward with "ideations of suicide", and then would disappear with the assistance of an "underground" when loss of custody became imminent for her mother. What could be worse for a child than incest? Perhaps a child who never was actually abused, but who must believe and promote the lie to maintain an unhealthy psychological bond with an alienating parent.
While I'll never give up hope that one day my daughter will come to understand that I unconditionally love her, I pray that "my story" will help raise awareness so that a future parent-child relationship may be saved. Life is just too short for hatred.
B
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My husband, despite our ongoing attempts, hasn't seen his two children in over three years. I cannot express the heartache this has caused for both my husband and myself.
My husbands ex took off with their first child, while she was pregnant with the second. They "tried to make it work" for two years, at the end of which, the ex served him with a sparation agreement. The children were 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. In Alberta, a father in a common-law relationship, on separation, has no rights to his children, unless awarded some by the court. (He does, however, have an automatic fiscal responsibility.) We got together shortly after he was served. My husband was granted by the court, five hours of visitation, every other weekend. She was granted sole custody.
We got to have the children on and off for 6 months, though she would occasionally deny access on a whim or make silly accusations about nothing of consequence. The children were very sweet. The little boy (the younger of the two) happily attached himself to me right from the start, and enjoyed being picked up and carried around. The daughter was shy towards me at first, but was all over her Daddy.
Over the months that we visited with them, the daughter became less shy and at, what turned out to be, our final visit she even came running up to me to give me a hug. My husband dropped the kids off after that visit, and all hell broke loose. We were phoned by the hospital, "Mr..... did you drug your son?" We were floored. Three hours later, after a second call, my hubby rushed out the door, thinking that something was terribly wrong with his child. At the hospital he was verbally assaulted by the mother, and kicked out at her request, as he didn't "have custody" and therefore had "no right to be there".
The next day he applied for joint custody. She responded by accusing him of sexually abusing their daughter. She went to the police, child welfare, and the court, and got his access stopped. We haven't been able to get into court since. Since the last visit, we've gotten married. We didn't get to have the kids present. We've moved. We've had a room set up for both children this whole time so that, 'just in case' we get to see them, they'll know that they have a place in our home too.
And we've had a son. This was the single happiest AND saddest day of my life. The night after he was born, both of us exhausted, my hubby held our new little baby and said "Hello (first son's name)", realized what he had said, and wept.
Words cannot explain the gut-wrenching sorrow that a parent faces when they lose their child. I have felt it and they aren't even 'mine'. This is a cruelty that repeatedly plays out all over, and goes unpunished. It has no consequence. Except to the children. The dear, sweet, innocent children who think that 'Daddy' or 'Mommy' no longer loves them, no longer wants them...why else would they not call or visit...? It needs to stop.
Everyone needs to fight this, because if it doesn't affect you or someone you know right now, it will in the future. I fight for my husband, because his children deserve to know he loves them and has always loved them, but I also fight for my son. Because one day he may be a father, and I don't want to ever face the loss, the grief, that his father has. With Love, A Step-Mom
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I have been through the Parental Alienation because of an ex-spouse that alienated my 2 sons, now ages 21 and 23, from me when they lived with him throughout their Jr.High and High School Years.
My sons lived 4 hours away from me. I have 3 children, one daughter, now 27 years old, and my 2 sons. My daughter did not live with her father though when she was younger. She was preparing to go on to college and was just about out of high school when our divorce occurred. My sons went to their fathers, not by them being ordered to go, but on their own choosing and us deciding it might be the best to be with their father. It didn't work out that way! I did have some discipline issues with one of my sons before they did go to live with their father, but my sons did not have issues with me that made them hate me or not love me then.
Their father, who actually married my 1st cousin, right after our divorce, made life miserable for me. He controlled every aspect of their lifes. He would never meet me half-way on a given weekend so it wouldn't be such a strain on me to drive 4 hours there and 4 hours back. He and his wife, would always have the answering machine on when I called for all the years I was visiting them. I would never get to talk to my sons when I called there. When I visited the relationship got very strained, because I believe they were definitely getting brainwashed and not ever being encouraged to have a good relationship with me. They never did want to come and visit me. I always had to make the trip to see them, which I did always on a monthly basis.
I went to their Parent Teacher School Conferences to always find out how they did in school, which was always very well. All my children are college bound kids. My daughter is a graduate of a 4 year Private Liberal College and my one son is a going to graduate from a State College this Spring. My youngest son is going to an Art Institute. I have not had a relationship with my sons, since they each were 18 years of age. They didn't want to see me anymore. I honored their decision, but was absolutely heartbroken. I have remembered them on their birthdays and Christmas and other events, only because my daughter tells me their addresses, and where I can send the notes and cards to. I have heard from my youngest son via e-mail, and have seen him a couple of times in the past 3 years, but it has been very brief messages and not much more than that.
My older son, I have not seen or talked to for 5 years. It tears me apart. I have a good relationship with my daughter, but I want all of my children together someday soon with me. I am happily married now for 5 years and am always trying to self-heal myself by diet, exercise, and seeing a therapist on a regular basis. If my story can help other people realize that this parental alienation scars parents and children emotionally for many years, then I have succeeded. Thanks for listening, |
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i speak french, poor english this is the history of Fred, the father, and of Pierre and Sara, his children Fred has not seen his children any more (adolescent) for several years why? because those did not want any more to see it since its separation with the mother however Fred had a very good relation with his children before separation what arrived arrives to many separated parents, to fathers or to mothers why? how? and which are the consequences?
often the children or teenagers concerned do not have any culpability to reject the other relative their rejection is categorical, total how that is it possible? many parameters can play but a basic screen is often identical: the child finds himself in principal presence of only one relative to obtain his love, the child is in the presence of a frightening implicit pact: if you want to be loved by me, stops loving the other relative to feel protected, in safety, the child is profiled, even unconsciously, in what is an implicit blackmail extremely malevolent and prejudicial for him often thus, it thinks that it must support the relative guard against the other and becomes allied of a war of nature however foreign to him, of marital type worse, it becomes the armed arm and thus makes a parricide symbolic system in a few weeks and month, the relation is completely destroyed, even antagonistic this site invites you to discover this phenomenon, this "process known as of parental alienation", càd. the fact that one of his/her two parents becomes like a foreigner for the child -------------------
Here a true story arrived to a small girl recently... She is likely to become orphan, private of her father... for all her life! worse... with the complicity of a judge, a psychotherapist and a mediator (repudiated then by their fellow-members) (Detailed story removed)
this history (not finished!) reveal how much it is necessary to reform the legal and different devices in order to respect the children and more effectively to help them in painful situations if not our countries known as democratic would not be worthy to carry this qualifier and would become on the contrary accessory to a social genocide, that of thousands of children becoming orphan (not of military wars but of those of the divorces and separations) and of thousands of parents, who would not be it any more... 2005 march: AFTER 5 YEARS, It IS closed! too late !... the girl are 18 years the judge have no more power!,
Belgium
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I am a mom of 2 and stepmom of 3 children. My husband & I divorced and it was a very difficult time for me. I got along with my husband for the love of my children was stronger than my anger towards my ex. I also figured anger solves nothing, so my ex and I are actually friends now, and we help each other out. It's a perfect "divorce" situation. I get comments all the time on how people admire my class at how I handled the situation.
However; I am remarried and my husband has 3 children and his situation is not so rosy! I met him a few months after he separated, and we got married about a year after his divorce. I've seen the whole thing, and it's really horrible!!! His ex-wife is bitter, hostile and mean/crazy. It's unbelievable what we've been through, but even more unbelievable what the children have been through. I really think some of it may stem from her having some type of psychiatric disorder as she does have trouble getting along with a lot of people.
I also think a lot of it is a control issue. She wants control, and that's it! No regard to anyone else, just very self-serving. Anyways to explain what has happened over the years well: -She held his items hostage, threatened to sell his items while going through divorce -She made false accusations that he pushed her & filed a restraing order & it cost him $1000. to refute her lies -she doesn't let the kids call him & are even grounded if they sneak a call -she told everyone he was having an affair with his accountant!! and told his accountant she would take away her license. -teachers have emailed/called us saying she tries to get info about us from them & tries to have them relay info to us. They have told us she freaks out & is unstable -She has left small kids home alone (we mentioned not to do this, had lawyer write letter not to do & she was still doing, so we for safety of children had to call DSS)...she called on us as revenge for us calling & made up stuff out of nowhere...it's amazing.
-She told kids Dad is a jerk, has them call him to put them in middle -left so many hostile messages on phone I had to get an unlisted phone number -sends the kids over in clothes 2-3 sizes too small (sd actually came over in a size 4T overall when she was 8!!!!) & they're ripped & ratty. When we send them back to her, she just keeps sending them till WE have to give them to goodwill & get rid of HER junk! -slaps, hot-sauces kids, has been through 5 boyfriends kids have met each one. -Never tells husband of meetings, appointments, conferences, school events, husband had to write to school to get info (report cards etc) send home himself -Way overschedules kids, schedules them in events during out visitaiton times. -Does NOT cooperate scheduling times, changing times etc. -Denies visitation in favor of a babysitter when he asks (summers, school vacations etc.)
-Call police to intervene when there's no need/when she's wrong...ex. she thought he was 20 minutes late...she was actually wrong (police pointed out to her), but she called them to call my husband/couldn't call him herself, but had to threaten him with police calling him. -makes deals with him & backs out -came to our house with police for 2 outfits we had of hers (because kids were in event) after we said we'd get them back to her. Came twice that week, caused a big scene in front of MY town & my kids -was calling police 20-30 times about her "right" to come INTO MY house...stalking me!!
-has refused to put kids into therapy until it suited HER -refused medical care, refused to give husband Dr. name/number until we had to bring her to court to get, refused to tell him of appointments, has refused special medical care children have needed -Lied for 4 years that she was going to school so we would take kids for her so she could have night off/at their expense (home late, husband misses 3 hours work to drive them to school) would be easier to just have custody
..I could go on, and on, and on... It's been a ridiculous situation, and I'm stuck int he middle. My husband is less educated than I, so has me do some of the leg-work for his case. He is also used to her walking all over him. I can't believe a woman can be so crazy/evil. I haven't dis-liked someone this much since I was a pre-teen. It's AMAZING what we have to deal with, and amazing she doesn't see a problem with her behavior.
The kids are extremely mis-behaved and several people have mentioned. Their manners are atrocious, she spends very little time with them, and when she does she's hitting them, harassing us. We have been powerless so far to stop her behavior, but keep hoping something will help (document, proof). We have to have proof of everything as she has lied & made up false allegations etc. so we are always aware. Unfortunately, the kids are the ones who pay the price. Maybe there will be more awareness and this won't be allowed because of sites like this and other sites/growing awareness of hostile-aggressive parenting. A long struggle, kids & entire family suffering because of one person's anger, hostility & mental instability. It's a sad situation.... Thanks for listening!
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I am currently going through a horrific legal battle in an effort to
establish contact with my two children. My son is going to be 12 in June,
and my daughter just turned 8. I have not seen them for almost two years,
and that includes letters and phone contact. It is as if they have
disappeared, but in reality they live only 30 minutes away.
I have been accused of abuse, and I have been exonerated several times by DSS and a GAL. My ex-wife has married a sociopath, and he is doing everything he can to
destroy my relationship with the children. My children meet all the
criteria for PAS, yet the courts do nothing.
I would like to volunteer in any way I can to Parental Alien Awareness Day.
Please let me know what I can do.
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I would happy to share my case to your parental alienation group, as I
believe this new age sad & evil indictment for so many children should be
exposed for the terrible tragedy it is. I have been fighting the Courts since 2001, as I was the victim
of false allegations of sexual abuse and domestic violence. As a result I get
access to children is about 9 hours a year even though I have irrefutable
evidence that I was a gentle & loving Dad who had strong and healthy bonds
with both my daughters who were 8 & 6 before this nightmare started. The
Court is not interested in the truth and has never given the chance to put my
side of the story, which will clearly show I am a victim of a huge miscarriage
of justice. I have tried to get the Court to address the blatant parental
alienation of my children however two court appointed psychologists will not
address the issue as the New Zealand psychology board does not recognize the
condition. I can prove the Court has acted with malice, negligence and
maliciousness however with a corrupt judicial system I have no show of obtaining
natural justice. I suppose the 14 criminal convictions and 6 permanent
protection orders will remain around my neck until the hateful system finally
slams in the final nail. My kids can’t understand it as they tell me they love me heaps and just
want to see much more of me. However when they go to see the evil lawyers which
involves a two hour trip in the car they are programmed and poisoned by their
mother, aunt, and maternal grand mother to say that they do not want to see Dad.
These are the same people who orchestrated the lies of sexual abuse and domestic
violence and I am powerless to do anything about it. I have had to face criminal
charges due to false allegations every year since this major depressive episode
started and appear again at the end of the month. My health is suffering and doctors tell me that a stroke is inevitable even
though I am on huge doses of heart medication & warfarin for a man who
celebrates his 46 th birthday in May. The justice system must listen to the damage of PAS and I will do
anything that I can to get this condition recognized by the sick system. I am
proud to be part a effort to try and expose this evil. i am in the family court
tomorrow .
I will distribute flyers etc. in the Courthouse - politicians - lawyers -
etc.... as they must acknowledge PAS and it harmful consequences for children
and alienated non -custodial parents . |
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I would happy to share my case to your parental alienation group, as I believe this new age sad & evil indictment for so many children should be exposed for the terrible tragedy it is. I have been fighting the Courts since 2001, as I was the victim of false allegations of sexual abuse and domestic violence. As a result I get access to children is about 9 hours a year even though I have irrefutable evidence that I was a gentle & loving Dad who had strong and healthy bonds with both my daughters who were 8 & 6 before this nightmare started. The Court is not interested in the truth and has never given the chance to put my side of the story, which will clearly show I am a victim of a huge miscarriage of justice. I have tried to get the Court to address the blatant parental alienation of my children however two court appointed psychologists will not address the issue as the New Zealand psychology board does not recognise the condition. I can prove the Court has acted with malice, negligence and maliciousness however with a corrupt judicial system I have no show of obtaining natural justice.
I suppose the 14 criminal convictions and 6 permanent protection orders will remain around my neck until the hateful system finally slams in the final nail. My kids can’t understand it as they tell me they love me heaps and just want to see much more of me. However when they go to see the evil lawyers which involves a two hour trip in the car they are programmed and poisoned by their mother, aunt, and maternal grand mother to say that they do not want to see Dad. These are the same people who orchestrated the lies of sexual abuse and domestic violence and I am powerless to do anything about it. I have had to face criminal charges due to false allegations every year since this major depressive episode started and appear again at the end of the month. My health is suffering and doctors tell me that a stroke is inevitable even though I am on huge doses of heart medication & warfarin for a man who celebrates his 46 th birthday in May.
The justice system must listen to the damage of PAS and I will do anything that I
can to get this condition recognised by the sick system. I am proud to be part a
effort to try and expose this evil. i am in the family court tommorrow .
I will distribute flyers etc. in the Courthouse - politicans - lawyers - etc.... as
they must acknowledge PAS and it harmful consequences for children and alienated non-custodial parents .
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I am an alienated Mom. My story is very long so I will try to make this as short as possible. I left my ex in 1996. I got sole physical and we both had joint legal. In the beginning my ex was bitter and did not hide it from the children. My kids were only 3 and 4 years old when the alienation began. He would say horrific things like "Your mom is going to the devil for breaking up the family" or "I am going to run mom over with the car". There were many more viciuos comments, too many to write. I confronted their father who always denied it. I stated back to him, children at this age don't make these things up. My son even stated these things to a social worker at his preschool. She recommended that dad get therapy, he did not comply. I sought therapy for the children. I pleaded with their Dad, who kept denying it and saying "your crazy". Despite his best efforts me and the kids remained very close. Dad remarried 4 years later and I thought great, he will now be happy. Little did I know that his wife would join in on the campaign of destroying a once very loving and close relationship between me and my kids. My entire family as well as friends and coworkers had watched the transformation of my children in the last couple of years. They have all the criteria of alienated children. During the last couple of years my ex had tried to set me up by using his own children to make false statements about me which then turned into false allegations.
He then took out an exparte order last year and was able to get temp custody by using the court system. We went before the judge five days later who was very aware of Parental Alienation. He stated " There are no police reports or 51a's on this mom" and custody was returned back to me. He also ordered a GAL to investigate as to what was going on. Well folks, guess what appeared 10 days later after custody was returned back to me? A Police report and a 51A.
This man manipulated his own children, who by now were severely alienated from me, to make a false accusation to the police which led to my arrest and an investigation. After a thorough investigation the whole case was overturned by the child protective services and they also stated that the decision to open a case should have never been supported. The charge against me was dismissed. I am grateful that the CPS workers were able to see through this. I am also grateful to all the people who supported me through this ordeal.
I myself will never be the same though because of this arrest. I have never been in any kind of trouble with the law and I have never been arrested. Furthermore I have never abused my children. This has taken a toll on my physical health. Add to that the pain I feel every day and the anxiety of not knowing if I will ever have a relationship with my two children that I love more than anything in this world, I am devastated.
I also worry about the effect this will have on my children in the long run. They appear to be doing fine on the surface but what does a child do with the feelings and thoughts of knowing what they did was not right. Because of the arrest the judge had no other alternative but to have the children temporarily reside with their father until the investigation. The gal has made her report but I cannot comment except that I was not disappointed with her findings. I also have to say we have not been in front of a judge since his last order of having the children reside with their father. I have an overturned case from CPS's, a dismissed charge and a GAL report. It was recommended that the children remain with their father for my own protection. What many judges, lawyers, etc. don't realize is that the more time the kids spend with the alienating parent the more they will be alienated.
But as the judge said at the time of his order I was caught between a rock and a hard place. He was also was questioning and concerned that a 51a appeared 10 days after custody was restored back to me. I have been before two different judges and when we go back we will go before a new judge. I can only pray they are aware of the previous court appearances. I was having time with my children which was court ordered. A phone call each night to me by the children was also ordered. As of Jan.2006 I have not had my court ordered time or phone calls with them. Their father states "I can't make them". Anyone who knows about alienating behavior knows this a classic statement made by the alienator. I will never give up on my children. I will and have been educating people on Parental Alienation. I do attend a support group. I call and leave messages for my children each night. I write them emails and send cards. Court is coming up soon. WE ALL NEED TO BRING PA TO THE ATTENTION OF THE PUBLIC.
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I was with my Ex for 12 years. We were married for 8 yrs. when she decided to leave the marriage and a few months later, informed me that my two boys were not mine biologically. She promised me that the boys would always be mine. As you could imagine I was in duress over all this and pretty much decided to move on as quickly as possible and obtained a divorce a few months later, foolishly giving up my parenting rights. Because she promised I would always be their dad, I believed her.
My oldest son was 9 at the time of the Divorce, my daughter was 4. I remarried in '01. My ex remarried in '02. The 1st yr. we had the boys 50% of the time. My new wife and I worked very hard blending our new family, now with 4 kids total in the house. The kids all got along very well and loved each other. It was so awesome.
However, to all our dismay, the 2nd yr. my ex changed the schedule to 3 weekends a month and a wed. evening dinner. The boys were very upset by this huge change. Little did they know that this was only the beginning. My ex’s new husband had told me several times he did not like the kids having 2 families and 2 homes. He informed me of his intentions to take the kids from me. When this occurred, my ex made him apologize to me and she assured me that nothing would happen and I would always be the boys dad. The boys witnessed all this. Then, suddenly, it seemed all hell broke loose.
My son was told "The Truth" by his mom July of '03. At that time the kids and I were promised to have our relationship kept in tact. However, in October of '03 my ex sent me a nasty e-mail letter explaining my new relationship with the kids as no longer being "Dad" along with a list of her "rules" to abide by in order to continue seeing the boys I was also informed of her new husbands plans of adopting the boys.
The boys were made to call me by my first name and my ex’s husband dad. The next day we obtained a lawyer in hopes of establishing rights for the boys. Our system failed them miserably. The financial cost became too great of a burden and after about 9 months and no progress we had to give it up. There has been no where to turn for help. She has all the rights in the world. The right to abuse her kids?
My wife periodically checks the web to see if anything new and helpful is there. Just last night she found your site and read about (HAP) from the Family Conflict Resolution Services group of Canada. Finally, an answer to our prayers. My current wife and I are beside ourselves with grief and pain. I raised these boys from birth. I was the first to hold them, and I was their main caregiver as my self employment as a carpet cleaner allowed me more time with them. They are my children. We had a beautiful, loving, healthy relationship. It's been forever damaged because of my Ex's hateful, abusive behavior. We have had very few monitored visits over the last few years. We were presented with a proposal to continue these unwarranted, ridiculous monitored visits. I chose to decline their offer, as I feel I don't deserve to be treated like a criminal. All our phone conversations were monitored as well.
Right now I'm completely cut off from my children. The police called me just yesterday telling me he will arrest me for calling my children. It's the law in Oregon. We need all the help we can get. I'm so grateful to have found you. You and the Family Conflict Resolution Services Of Canada have been a God send. My wife and I want to help and get help ASAP. The good news is their evil plan isn't working, because my son contacted me on his own in January. We spoke for an hour and a half. Unmonitored. Finally he was himself, natural and uninhibited. The next weekend we met for a visit without the parents permission. I know this was risky, but we were desperate to see each other. I hadn't seen him since last April. My son told me I'm his dad and he does not call my ex’s husband dad. We hugged and comforted one another with assurances of continuing our relationship. I told him it was unwise to have secret calls and meetings. He said he would try to convince them of returning our visits. But we know what the outcome will be. No visits.
My son told me they are afraid I will turn him against them. We all think they are crazy. My son is angry at them and spoke of running away. His grades are bad. He needs help right now. I fear he will do something rash. Please give us some advice. |
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I have not been allowed to see my child since October 5, 2005 even though I live
on 10 miles from her.In August 2004 her Dad and his friend lied to a Judge and I have not had
my child since that time for more than a weekend and he filed yet another motion
full of lies in September 05 to stop my visitation I have paid an attorney all
this time but so far nothing has happened to get my girl home. She is my only
child and I raised her after her Dad left us for his current wife in 1986 when
she was only 4 yrs old now she is 14.
I am 49 yrs old and I have survived breast cancer I have never been in any
trouble of any kind no drugs, no alcoholism and I cannot believe that in America
a Mother can lose her child just because a Judge says so at a local level but I
have learned that when you run out of money you run out of justice. I need help
in the most desperate way and my story would seem like it could never happen
unless you are the Mother living this nightmare.
... I have nothing left to lose without my child life is not worth
living.
I love her so much and I just cannot grasp that in America there is no help
for me but I have written and called all my elected officials this is something
they don't want to know about. |
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