Parental Alienation
Awareness Organization

My story is one of a young boy alienated from his father and his grandparents on his mother's side not to mention the rest of his family who love him more than life. 

I am the maternal grandmother.  My daughter got involved with a very controlling man when my grandson was three years old.  My daughter and my grandson moved in with this man and he does not want my grandson having anything to do with his real father, grandparents on both sides, cousin, Aunts and Uncles. My grandson was born and raised with all of us and now he only gets to come over every month or two.  When he is here, he loves it.  He is allowed to be a child.  He was never allowed that with my daughters boyfriend. He cries when he has to go back to bootcamp. This child is going to be 11 this year. 

I can only wish he were old enough to leave his situation and be free of this man.  This year he will probbly fail his grade in school.  He has been in 4 different schools and is in grade 5.  He is an only child and a very lonely child as has been mentioned to me by people who know his situation at home.  I want so badly to free him but I don't want to take him from his mother.  Being a grandmother there is nothing I can do to help him. 

The agony just goes on day after day.  he is constantly told that his father is no good and that he is useless.  I can only imagine the pain that this child is in with nobody to help him.  Please let there be something that we can do for him?  There is so much going on here., much too much to tell...Thank you for listening...E

My son is 5 years old, I have attended the Family Court a total of 40 times. I have spent £18,000 and my parents an additional £5,000. I now see my son regular (44% of contact time).

Fortunately, we have always enjoyed our contact time and have a fantastic and loving relationship. However the parental alienation continues. I am known as "****" my first name and not "Dad" when my son is living in his mothers home with her partner. My son's grandad and Grandma are called vicious names I do not wish to repeat. My son is not allowed to call me "Dad" in her company. He must obey his mother and call her partner Dad instead and refer to me by my first name.

My family and I and friends never say anything bad in retaliation. My mother has written to the school and asked that I am not provided with my son's homework on collection by me. I had to return to Court in order to change this. The mothers partner says "have you been with the nasty people" and tells my son he would like to hit me in the face. The mothers sister is supportive of the actions.

My son can't understand why everybody on one side of a family hates me and his paternal grandparents and uncles. I have provided just a few examples, unfortunately the list is added to, every week.

Where do I begin? Some 20 years ago I lost my dear eldest son at the age of 7 years in a road accident. I thought that nothing could compare with the loss and distress of that. That was until I became a victim of parental alienation.

I am now going through that anguish and pain again by being systematically and deliberately seperated from my youngest son,also now 7 years. Our relationship has gone from a close and loving one to where he now appears frightened of me and will not now come on contact visits or speak to me on the phone.

It is now two months since I have seen him anywhere except on the doorstep of his mothers home. He is very nervous when in my precense, his mother is always in attendance giving instructions on behaviour and supervising.I am told he does not wish to see me as he is frightened of me. We had a succesful relationship for 4 years after divorce initiated by his mother. Overnight stays, holidays and trips out were fun, and he was always the first out the car when I collected him at the lonely car park his mother insisted we met. He often told me that he loved me and missed me as our visits were only fornightly and involved a 250 mile trip to see him.I used to tell him to look at the moon before he went to bed and remember that the same moon shone on me also.

Attempts to phone were often blocked, his mother preventing him from speaking to me even when I could hear him crying in the background "I want to talk to my Dad" Very often he would come to see me when ill, and I looked after him as best I could in car in winter over 100 miles from my home. Things started going wrong last year when his mother moved into her current home and got a regular job, my role as baby sitter now not needed. It started with a gradual cooling off and apphrehensiveness,then one evening when I went to collect him he ran away from me shouting " Its the nasty man" and hid in his mothers car.This came as a great shock to me and no explanantion was offered. As his 9 year old sister continues to see me, and has been treated no differently I cannot see that anything I have done could have caused this.

She tells me that on some occasions when I rang , he has been encouraged to "moon" at the phone by his cousins. Mum has told them that I cannot cope with seeing both of them at once, and they have been taught to call me "Spud" His mother is well practised in this, she is repeating a succesful formula that seperated her sons from previous marriages from their fathers also. I am at a loss as how to deal with this, I have tried the school, the medical authorities all of whom are indifferent if not totally unsympathetic.I cannot and will not go to the courts for both financial reasons and also for my lack of faith in getting justice there.

This event has scarred everybody it has touched, the biggest loser is my son who is now without a fathers love. I fear for his future and can only see my dear son being destroyed by the cruelty of whoever within his mothers family hopes to profit from this appalling form of child abuse.

My husband left his family nearly three years ago. On the night he left, his wife vowed that he would never see his children again. In front of him she told them that he was an evil evil man who had broken his promise to be with them forever.

Since then he has had no contact, despite going through the courts. The children (11,9 amd 6) still say they hate him and never want to see him again because he broke his promise to stay with them. Before he left he dealt with most of the parenting tasks, took them to school etc, spent every minute when he wasnt at work with his girls, because he had no relationship with his wife, it was all he had.

He has written to his daughters every week since leaving, a total of 130 letters, in reply there has been nothing, no response except when his ex objected to the content, eg, he had a holiday and had fun. Parental alienation syndrome???????/Is the tip of a huge iceberg

As a father, I could not have predicted the emotional bonding and protective attitude I felt followng my daughter's birth. And probably as many parents, I believed my daughter was the best and most beautiful child above any other.

In the context of our divorce, and subsequent custody arrangements, an increasing pattern of mistrust developed between myself and former spouse and in-laws. The pattern of allegations aimed at the exclusion of my daughter from my life also escalated as litigation continued from an inability to care for an infant, to mild physical abuse and finally to what is known as "the atomic bomb" in PA circles, sexual abuse.

And my daughter's love for her father would first become a "secret", before it would be slowly extinguished. Once the bomb had been dropped, this became for the alienating parent, along with her supporters, justification for my daughter to hate, hit, spit on and kick myself, my current spouse, professionals and any others deemed supportive of a relationship between my daughter and her father.

Conversely, the promotion of such behavior was actually condoned by "professionals" supportive of my ex-spouse and maternal grandparents. My daughter also made her own contributions to the denigration that were undeniably her own inventions - the very definition of parental alienation syndrome.

My daughter would go on to be hospitalized in a psychiatric ward with "ideations of suicide", and then would disappear with the assistance of an "underground" when loss of custody became imminent for her mother. What could be worse for a child than incest? Perhaps a child who never was actually abused, but who must believe and promote the lie to maintain an unhealthy psychological bond with an alienating parent.

While I'll never give up hope that one day my daughter will come to understand that I unconditionally love her, I pray that "my story" will help raise awareness so that a future parent-child relationship may be saved. Life is just too short for hatred.

B

My husband, despite our ongoing attempts, hasn't seen his two children in over three years. I cannot express the heartache this has caused for both my husband and myself.

My husbands ex took off with their first child, while she was pregnant with the second. They "tried to make it work" for two years, at the end of which, the ex served him with a sparation agreement. The children were 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. In Alberta, a father in a common-law relationship, on separation, has no rights to his children, unless awarded some by the court. (He does, however, have an automatic fiscal responsibility.) We got together shortly after he was served. My husband was granted by the court, five hours of visitation, every other weekend. She was granted sole custody.

We got to have the children on and off for 6 months, though she would occasionally deny access on a whim or make silly accusations about nothing of consequence. The children were very sweet. The little boy (the younger of the two) happily attached himself to me right from the start, and enjoyed being picked up and carried around. The daughter was shy towards me at first, but was all over her Daddy.

Over the months that we visited with them, the daughter became less shy and at, what turned out to be, our final visit she even came running up to me to give me a hug. My husband dropped the kids off after that visit, and all hell broke loose. We were phoned by the hospital, "Mr..... did you drug your son?" We were floored. Three hours later, after a second call, my hubby rushed out the door, thinking that something was terribly wrong with his child. At the hospital he was verbally assaulted by the mother, and kicked out at her request, as he didn't "have custody" and therefore had "no right to be there".

The next day he applied for joint custody. She responded by accusing him of sexually abusing their daughter. She went to the police, child welfare, and the court, and got his access stopped. We haven't been able to get into court since. Since the last visit, we've gotten married. We didn't get to have the kids present. We've moved. We've had a room set up for both children this whole time so that, 'just in case' we get to see them, they'll know that they have a place in our home too.

And we've had a son. This was the single happiest AND saddest day of my life. The night after he was born, both of us exhausted, my hubby held our new little baby and said "Hello (first son's name)", realized what he had said, and wept.

Words cannot explain the gut-wrenching sorrow that a parent faces when they lose their child. I have felt it and they aren't even 'mine'. This is a cruelty that repeatedly plays out all over, and goes unpunished. It has no consequence. Except to the children. The dear, sweet, innocent children who think that 'Daddy' or 'Mommy' no longer loves them, no longer wants them...why else would they not call or visit...? It needs to stop.

Everyone needs to fight this, because if it doesn't affect you or someone you know right now, it will in the future. I fight for my husband, because his children deserve to know he loves them and has always loved them, but I also fight for my son. Because one day he may be a father, and I don't want to ever face the loss, the grief, that his father has. With Love, A Step-Mom

I have been through the Parental Alienation because of an ex-spouse that alienated my 2 sons, now ages 21 and 23, from me when they lived with him throughout their Jr.High and High School Years.

My sons lived 4 hours away from me. I have 3 children, one daughter, now 27 years old, and my 2 sons. My daughter did not live with her father though when she was younger. She was preparing to go on to college and was just about out of high school when our divorce occurred. My sons went to their fathers, not by them being ordered to go, but on their own choosing and us deciding it might be the best to be with their father. It didn't work out that way! I did have some discipline issues with one of my sons before they did go to live with their father, but my sons did not have issues with me that made them hate me or not love me then.

Their father, who actually married my 1st cousin, right after our divorce, made life miserable for me. He controlled every aspect of their lifes. He would never meet me half-way on a given weekend so it wouldn't be such a strain on me to drive 4 hours there and 4 hours back. He and his wife, would always have the answering machine on when I called for all the years I was visiting them. I would never get to talk to my sons when I called there. When I visited the relationship got very strained, because I believe they were definitely getting brainwashed and not ever being encouraged to have a good relationship with me. They never did want to come and visit me. I always had to make the trip to see them, which I did always on a monthly basis.

I went to their Parent Teacher School Conferences to always find out how they did in school, which was always very well. All my children are college bound kids. My daughter is a graduate of a 4 year Private Liberal College and my one son is a going to graduate from a State College this Spring. My youngest son is going to an Art Institute. I have not had a relationship with my sons, since they each were 18 years of age. They didn't want to see me anymore. I honored their decision, but was absolutely heartbroken. I have remembered them on their birthdays and Christmas and other events, only because my daughter tells me their addresses, and where I can send the notes and cards to. I have heard from my youngest son via e-mail, and have seen him a couple of times in the past 3 years, but it has been very brief messages and not much more than that.

My older son, I have not seen or talked to for 5 years. It tears me apart. I have a good relationship with my daughter, but I want all of my children together someday soon with me. I am happily married now for 5 years and am always trying to self-heal myself by diet, exercise, and seeing a therapist on a regular basis. If my story can help other people realize that this parental alienation scars parents and children emotionally for many years, then I have succeeded. Thanks for listening,

i speak french, poor english this is the history of Fred, the father, and of Pierre and Sara, his children Fred has not seen his children any more (adolescent) for several years why? because those did not want any more to see it since its separation with the mother however Fred had a very good relation with his children before separation what arrived arrives to many separated parents, to fathers or to mothers why? how? and which are the consequences?

often the children or teenagers concerned do not have any culpability to reject the other relative their rejection is categorical, total how that is it possible? many parameters can play but a basic screen is often identical: the child finds himself in principal presence of only one relative to obtain his love, the child is in the presence of a frightening implicit pact: if you want to be loved by me, stops loving the other relative to feel protected, in safety, the child is profiled, even unconsciously, in what is an implicit blackmail extremely malevolent and prejudicial for him often thus, it thinks that it must support the relative guard against the other and becomes allied of a war of nature however foreign to him, of marital type worse, it becomes the armed arm and thus makes a parricide symbolic system in a few weeks and month, the relation is completely destroyed, even antagonistic this site invites you to discover this phenomenon, this "process known as of parental alienation", càd. the fact that one of his/her two parents becomes like a foreigner for the child -------------------

Here a true story arrived to a small girl recently... She is likely to become orphan, private of her father... for all her life! worse... with the complicity of a judge, a psychotherapist and a mediator (repudiated then by their fellow-members)  (Detailed story removed)

this history (not finished!) reveal how much it is necessary to reform the legal and different devices in order to respect the children and more effectively to help them in painful situations if not our countries known as democratic would not be worthy to carry this qualifier and would become on the contrary accessory to a social genocide, that of thousands of children becoming orphan (not of military wars but of those of the divorces and separations) and of thousands of parents, who would not be it any more... 2005 march: AFTER 5 YEARS, It IS closed! too late !... the girl are 18 years the judge have no more power!,

Belgium

I am a mom of 2 and stepmom of 3 children. My husband & I divorced and it was a very difficult time for me. I got along with my husband for the love of my children was stronger than my anger towards my ex. I also figured anger solves nothing, so my ex and I are actually friends now, and we help each other out. It's a perfect "divorce" situation. I get comments all the time on how people admire my class at how I handled the situation.

However; I am remarried and my husband has 3 children and his situation is not so rosy! I met him a few months after he separated, and we got married about a year after his divorce. I've seen the whole thing, and it's really horrible!!! His ex-wife is bitter, hostile and mean/crazy. It's unbelievable what we've been through, but even more unbelievable what the children have been through. I really think some of it may stem from her having some type of psychiatric disorder as she does have trouble getting along with a lot of people.

I also think a lot of it is a control issue. She wants control, and that's it! No regard to anyone else, just very self-serving. Anyways to explain what has happened over the years well: -She held his items hostage, threatened to sell his items while going through divorce -She made false accusations that he pushed her & filed a restraing order & it cost him $1000. to refute her lies -she doesn't let the kids call him & are even grounded if they sneak a call -she told everyone he was having an affair with his accountant!! and told his accountant she would take away her license. -teachers have emailed/called us saying she tries to get info about us from them & tries to have them relay info to us. They have told us she freaks out & is unstable -She has left small kids home alone (we mentioned not to do this, had lawyer write letter not to do & she was still doing, so we for safety of children had to call DSS)...she called on us as revenge for us calling & made up stuff out of nowhere...it's amazing.

-She told kids Dad is a jerk, has them call him to put them in middle -left so many hostile messages on phone I had to get an unlisted phone number -sends the kids over in clothes 2-3 sizes too small (sd actually came over in a size 4T overall when she was 8!!!!) & they're ripped & ratty. When we send them back to her, she just keeps sending them till WE have to give them to goodwill & get rid of HER junk! -slaps, hot-sauces kids, has been through 5 boyfriends kids have met each one. -Never tells husband of meetings, appointments, conferences, school events, husband had to write to school to get info (report cards etc) send home himself -Way overschedules kids, schedules them in events during out visitaiton times. -Does NOT cooperate scheduling times, changing times etc. -Denies visitation in favor of a babysitter when he asks (summers, school vacations etc.)

-Call police to intervene when there's no need/when she's wrong...ex. she thought he was 20 minutes late...she was actually wrong (police pointed out to her), but she called them to call my husband/couldn't call him herself, but had to threaten him with police calling him. -makes deals with him & backs out -came to our house with police for 2 outfits we had of hers (because kids were in event) after we said we'd get them back to her. Came twice that week, caused a big scene in front of MY town & my kids -was calling police 20-30 times about her "right" to come INTO MY house...stalking me!!

-has refused to put kids into therapy until it suited HER -refused medical care, refused to give husband Dr. name/number until we had to bring her to court to get, refused to tell him of appointments, has refused special medical care children have needed -Lied for 4 years that she was going to school so we would take kids for her so she could have night off/at their expense (home late, husband misses 3 hours work to drive them to school) would be easier to just have custody

..I could go on, and on, and on... It's been a ridiculous situation, and I'm stuck int he middle. My husband is less educated than I, so has me do some of the leg-work for his case. He is also used to her walking all over him. I can't believe a woman can be so crazy/evil. I haven't dis-liked someone this much since I was a pre-teen. It's AMAZING what we have to deal with, and amazing she doesn't see a problem with her behavior.

The kids are extremely mis-behaved and several people have mentioned. Their manners are atrocious, she spends very little time with them, and when she does she's hitting them, harassing us. We have been powerless so far to stop her behavior, but keep hoping something will help (document, proof). We have to have proof of everything as she has lied & made up false allegations etc. so we are always aware. Unfortunately, the kids are the ones who pay the price. Maybe there will be more awareness and this won't be allowed because of sites like this and other sites/growing awareness of hostile-aggressive parenting. A long struggle, kids & entire family suffering because of one person's anger, hostility & mental instability. It's a sad situation.... Thanks for listening!

Back to top

I am currently going through a horrific legal battle in an effort to
establish contact with my two children. My son is going to be 12 in June,
and my daughter just turned 8. I have not seen them for almost two years,
and that includes letters and phone contact. It is as if they have
disappeared, but in reality they live only 30 minutes away.

I have been accused of abuse, and I have been exonerated several times by DSS and a GAL. My ex-wife has married a sociopath, and he is doing everything he can to
destroy my relationship with the children. My children meet all the
criteria for PAS, yet the courts do nothing.

I would like to volunteer in any way I can to Parental Alien Awareness Day.
Please let me know what I can do.

I would happy to share my case to your parental alienation group, as I
believe this new age sad & evil indictment for so many children should be
exposed for the terrible tragedy it is.

I have been fighting the Courts since 2001, as I was the victim
of false allegations of sexual abuse and domestic violence. As a result I get
access to children is about 9 hours a year even though I have irrefutable
evidence that I was a gentle & loving Dad who had strong and healthy bonds
with both my daughters who were 8 & 6 before this nightmare started. The
Court is not interested in the truth and has never given the chance to put my
side of the story, which will clearly show I am a victim of a huge miscarriage
of justice. I have tried to get the Court to address the blatant parental
alienation of my children however two court appointed psychologists will not
address the issue as the New Zealand psychology board does not recognize the
condition.

I can prove the Court has acted with malice, negligence and
maliciousness however with a corrupt judicial system I have no show of obtaining
natural justice. I suppose the 14 criminal convictions and 6 permanent
protection orders will remain around my neck until the hateful system finally
slams in the final nail.

My kids can’t understand it as they tell me they love me heaps and just
want to see much more of me. However when they go to see the evil lawyers which
involves a two hour trip in the car they are programmed and poisoned by their
mother, aunt, and maternal grand mother to say that they do not want to see Dad.
These are the same people who orchestrated the lies of sexual abuse and domestic
violence and I am powerless to do anything about it. I have had to face criminal
charges due to false allegations every year since this major depressive episode
started and appear again at the end of the month.

My health is suffering and doctors tell me that a stroke is inevitable even
though I am on huge doses of heart medication & warfarin for a man who
celebrates his 46 th birthday in May.

The justice system must listen to the damage of PAS and I will do
anything that I can to get this condition recognized by the sick system. I am
proud to be part a effort to try and expose this evil. i am in the family court
tomorrow .

I will distribute flyers etc. in the Courthouse - politicians - lawyers -
etc.... as they must acknowledge PAS and it harmful consequences for children
and alienated non -custodial parents .

I would happy to share my case to your parental alienation group, as I believe this new age sad & evil indictment for so many children should be exposed for the terrible tragedy it is. I have been fighting the Courts since 2001, as I was the victim of false allegations of sexual abuse and domestic violence. As a result I get access to children is about 9 hours a year even though I have irrefutable evidence that I was a gentle & loving Dad who had strong and healthy bonds with both my daughters who were 8 & 6 before this nightmare started. The Court is not interested in the truth and has never given the chance to put my side of the story, which will clearly show I am a victim of a huge miscarriage of justice. I have tried to get the Court to address the blatant parental alienation of my children however two court appointed psychologists will not address the issue as the New Zealand psychology board does not recognise the condition. I can prove the Court has acted with malice, negligence and maliciousness however with a corrupt judicial system I have no show of obtaining natural justice.

I suppose the 14 criminal convictions and 6 permanent protection orders will remain around my neck until the hateful system finally slams in the final nail. My kids can’t understand it as they tell me they love me heaps and just want to see much more of me. However when they go to see the evil lawyers which involves a two hour trip in the car they are programmed and poisoned by their mother, aunt, and maternal grand mother to say that they do not want to see Dad. These are the same people who orchestrated the lies of sexual abuse and domestic violence and I am powerless to do anything about it. I have had to face criminal charges due to false allegations every year since this major depressive episode started and appear again at the end of the month. My health is suffering and doctors tell me that a stroke is inevitable even though I am on huge doses of heart medication & warfarin for a man who celebrates his 46 th birthday in May.
The justice system must listen to the damage of PAS and I will do anything that I
can to get this condition recognised by the sick system. I am proud to be part a
effort to try and expose this evil. i am in the family court tommorrow .

I will distribute flyers etc. in the Courthouse - politicans - lawyers - etc.... as
they must acknowledge PAS and it harmful consequences for children and alienated non-custodial parents .

I am an alienated Mom. My story is very long so I will try to make this as short as possible. I left my ex in 1996. I got sole physical and we both had joint legal. In the beginning my ex was bitter and did not hide it from the children. My kids were only 3 and 4 years old when the alienation began. He would say horrific things like "Your mom is going to the devil for breaking up the family" or "I am going to run mom over with the car". There were many more viciuos comments, too many to write. I confronted their father who always denied it. I stated back to him, children at this age don't make these things up. My son even stated these things to a social worker at his preschool. She recommended that dad get therapy, he did not comply.

I sought therapy for the children. I pleaded with their Dad, who kept denying it and saying "your crazy". Despite his best efforts me and the kids remained very close. Dad remarried 4 years later and I thought great, he will now be happy. Little did I know that his wife would join in on the campaign of destroying a once very loving and close relationship between me and my kids. My entire family as well as friends and coworkers had watched the transformation of my children in the last couple of years. They have all the criteria of alienated children. During the last couple of years my ex had tried to set me up by using his own children to make false statements about me which then turned into false allegations.

He then took out an exparte order last year and was able to get temp custody by using the court system. We went before the judge five days later who was very aware of Parental Alienation. He stated " There are no police reports or 51a's on this mom" and custody was returned back to me. He also ordered a GAL to investigate as to what was going on. Well folks, guess what appeared 10 days later after custody was returned back to me? A Police report and a 51A.

This man manipulated his own children, who by now were severely alienated from me, to make a false accusation to the police which led to my arrest and an investigation. After a thorough investigation the whole case was overturned by the child protective services and they also stated that the decision to open a case should have never been supported. The charge against me was dismissed. I am grateful that the CPS workers were able to see through this. I am also grateful to all the people who supported me through this ordeal.

I myself will never be the same though because of this arrest. I have never been in any kind of trouble with the law and I have never been arrested. Furthermore I have never abused my children. This has taken a toll on my physical health. Add to that the pain I feel every day and the anxiety of not knowing if I will ever have a relationship with my two children that I love more than anything in this world, I am devastated.

I also worry about the effect this will have on my children in the long run. They appear to be doing fine on the surface but what does a child do with the feelings and thoughts of knowing what they did was not right. Because of the arrest the judge had no other alternative but to have the children temporarily reside with their father until the investigation. The gal has made her report but I cannot comment except that I was not disappointed with her findings. I also have to say we have not been in front of a judge since his last order of having the children reside with their father. I have an overturned case from CPS's, a dismissed charge and a GAL report. It was recommended that the children remain with their father for my own protection. What many judges, lawyers, etc. don't realize is that the more time the kids spend with the alienating parent the more they will be alienated.

But as the judge said at the time of his order I was caught between a rock and a hard place. He was also was questioning and concerned that a 51a appeared 10 days after custody was restored back to me. I have been before two different judges and when we go back we will go before a new judge. I can only pray they are aware of the previous court appearances. I was having time with my children which was court ordered. A phone call each night to me by the children was also ordered. As of Jan.2006 I have not had my court ordered time or phone calls with them. Their father states "I can't make them". Anyone who knows about alienating behavior knows this a classic statement made by the alienator. I will never give up on my children. I will and have been educating people on Parental Alienation. I do attend a support group. I call and leave messages for my children each night. I write them emails and send cards. Court is coming up soon. WE ALL NEED TO BRING PA TO THE ATTENTION OF THE PUBLIC.

I was with my Ex for 12 years. We were married for 8 yrs. when she decided to leave the marriage and a few months later, informed me that my two boys were not mine biologically. She promised me that the boys would always be mine. As you could imagine I was in duress over all this and pretty much decided to move on as quickly as possible and obtained a divorce a few months later, foolishly giving up my parenting rights. Because she promised I would always be their dad, I believed her.

My oldest son was 9 at the time of the Divorce, my daughter was 4. I remarried in '01. My ex remarried in '02. The 1st yr. we had the boys 50% of the time. My new wife and I worked very hard blending our new family, now with 4 kids total in the house. The kids all got along very well and loved each other. It was so awesome.

However, to all our dismay, the 2nd yr. my ex changed the schedule to 3 weekends a month and a wed. evening dinner. The boys were very upset by this huge change. Little did they know that this was only the beginning. My ex’s new husband had told me several times he did not like the kids having 2 families and 2 homes. He informed me of his intentions to take the kids from me. When this occurred, my ex made him apologize to me and she assured me that nothing would happen and I would always be the boys dad. The boys witnessed all this. Then, suddenly, it seemed all hell broke loose.

My son was told "The Truth" by his mom July of '03. At that time the kids and I were promised to have our relationship kept in tact. However, in October of '03 my ex sent me a nasty e-mail letter explaining my new relationship with the kids as no longer being "Dad" along with a list of her "rules" to abide by in order to continue seeing the boys I was also informed of her new husbands plans of adopting the boys.

The boys were made to call me by my first name and my ex’s husband dad. The next day we obtained a lawyer in hopes of establishing rights for the boys. Our system failed them miserably. The financial cost became too great of a burden and after about 9 months and no progress we had to give it up. There has been no where to turn for help. She has all the rights in the world. The right to abuse her kids?

My wife periodically checks the web to see if anything new and helpful is there. Just last night she found your site and read about (HAP) from the Family Conflict Resolution Services group of Canada. Finally, an answer to our prayers. My current wife and I are beside ourselves with grief and pain. I raised these boys from birth. I was the first to hold them, and I was their main caregiver as my self employment as a carpet cleaner allowed me more time with them. They are my children. We had a beautiful, loving, healthy relationship. It's been forever damaged because of my Ex's hateful, abusive behavior. We have had very few monitored visits over the last few years. We were presented with a proposal to continue these unwarranted, ridiculous monitored visits. I chose to decline their offer, as I feel I don't deserve to be treated like a criminal. All our phone conversations were monitored as well.

Right now I'm completely cut off from my children. The police called me just yesterday telling me he will arrest me for calling my children. It's the law in Oregon. We need all the help we can get. I'm so grateful to have found you. You and the Family Conflict Resolution Services Of Canada have been a God send. My wife and I want to help and get help ASAP. The good news is their evil plan isn't working, because my son contacted me on his own in January. We spoke for an hour and a half. Unmonitored. Finally he was himself, natural and uninhibited. The next weekend we met for a visit without the parents permission. I know this was risky, but we were desperate to see each other. I hadn't seen him since last April. My son told me I'm his dad and he does not call my ex’s husband dad. We hugged and comforted one another with assurances of continuing our relationship. I told him it was unwise to have secret calls and meetings. He said he would try to convince them of returning our visits. But we know what the outcome will be. No visits.

My son told me they are afraid I will turn him against them. We all think they are crazy. My son is angry at them and spoke of running away. His grades are bad. He needs help right now. I fear he will do something rash. Please give us some advice.

I have not been allowed to see my child since October 5, 2005 even though I live
on 10 miles from her.

In August 2004 her Dad and his friend lied to a Judge and I have not had
my child since that time for more than a weekend and he filed yet another motion
full of lies in September 05 to stop my visitation I have paid an attorney all
this time but so far nothing has happened to get my girl home. She is my only
child and I raised her after her Dad left us for his current wife in 1986 when
she was only 4 yrs old now she is 14.

I am 49 yrs old and I have survived breast cancer I have never been in any
trouble of any kind no drugs, no alcoholism and I cannot believe that in America
a Mother can lose her child just because a Judge says so at a local level but I
have learned that when you run out of money you run out of justice. I need help
in the most desperate way and my story would seem like it could never happen
unless you are the Mother living this nightmare.

... I have nothing left to lose without my child life is not worth
living.

I love her so much and I just cannot grasp that in America there is no help
for me but I have written and called all my elected officials this is something
they don't want to know about.

This mail comes from Malta (in the middle of the Mediterranean sea ) and believe me I am a victim to PAS. I am the mother of two lovely sons Jacob and Nathan who are 11 and ten respectively.

My ex husband used to bully me throughout my 15 year old marriage and is now bullying me through my sons. My elder son even refuses to speak to me on the phone these days let alone spend any time with me. My younger son still speaks to me but sometimes says so many words that hurt a lot. Like for example ….. I don’t

Need a mummy any more. Nathan also refuses to spend time with me but at least I can speak to him over the phone.

Although I have joint care and custody, my ex husband acts as though these kids are his own and only his own and has brain washed them to such an extent that I feel that I am worse than a stranger to them.

I have always loved them whole heartedly and given them my very best and feel that life is so unfair.

Recently they were living in a hotel and he used to leave the kids unattended for whole nights whilst he goes to work, even though I live 2 minutes away from the hotel. When I got to know about it which was by accident, I immediately reported the matter to the police authorities but unfortunately I did not receive much co operation. I did expect the police to send for my ex and warn him that he cannot do it again but he has done it for around ten times in two months. I am prohibited from being inside the hotel except up to the reception and therefore all I do is spend continuous sleepless nights worrying about my kids.

One thing is for sure, unfortunately when you need real assistance from the authorities, you just find out that you are completely on your own.

I am a mother of three high school teens, who have been severely alienated from me. Unfortunately although I became aware of the syndrome within weeks of my former spouse filing divorce and custody papers in June of 2003, the worse case scenario has happened. I was a role model mother, who resigned a tenured assistant nursing professor position to raise our children. During that time I worked part time was always there for my former husband and children while managing all the home needs from transport, cutting hair, cleaning, cooking to mowing the lawn etc. Rather than being appreciated I found out too late that the alienating parent was telling the children they need not listen to me, while undermining my parenting by calling me OCD and twisting anything myself or my family did to appear negative in the eyes of our children.

Although one of the most respected GALs recognized the alienation he followed some ridiculous suggestions that the children be allowed to determine with whom they want to live. Since MA law allows teenagers to choose the parent they choose to live with, and my former spouse had wanted out of our marriage since the late 90's, without communicating that to me, the results were disastrous. Our oldest daughter was mentally kidnapped as she became aware of her father's unhappiness. She began to pull her hair (trichotillomania) in the late 90s, and unfortunately my former spouse continued to sabotage our relationship without my knowledge.

As the GAL noted she became her father's lieutenant and turned her siblings against me to align with the one parent who they viewed as their savior. As one therapist stated when one parent refuses to discipline in becomes more and more difficult for the other parent to do so. I became the bad cop and he the good while simply attempting to provide the guidelines children require. In our state PAS is not well recognized and the non doctorally prepared therapists the children saw did not understand the alienation and subtle negative actions of their father, or the children's contributions.

The twisted logic of our daughter and her father continue. I made the wrong decision to support the suggestions of the GAL, and did not fight for custody during a trial, since I could not tolerate the thought of placing my children on a witness stand. I also falsely thought that cooperating with my former spouse would help. I have found out the hard way that a true alienating parent is incapable of seeing or accepting their own actions, and can not be helped.

I took the suggestions of my lawyer and GAL to work with a parental coordinator. Unfortunately the parental coordinator role is somewhat unclear and they, like many professionals, take what the alienating parent and children say as truthful since in their warped minds it is. There are so few professional who are willing to take a stand against the alienating parent since they do not want to anger them, and thus the children who are their supporters. The judge, lawyers and parental coordinators were not willing or able to stop the actions of the alienator, stating the children's ages and desires. My time with the children has actually decreased from that recommended by the GAL and judge, due in large part to the manipulations and tactics of my former spouse and his family. My former spouse once told me I had no right to have a rapport with the kids and that they would not see me if they did not want to.

He also has tried to have DSS called numerous times insinuating I am abusive and has suggested I need a restraining order. Fortunately his false claims are not recognized yet paradoxically no one seems willing to upset teenagers, so the tactics continue. I attend groups and therapy to improve my ability to accept and work with my severely alienated teens. I accepted my weaknesses long ago and continue to strive to be the best mother I can under these most trying circumstances. I will never give up although I have accepted that my kids need to make their father happy by feeding into his false perceptions. The more they allow their father to boost his false ego by placing him on his pedestal, the more the pendulum swings placing me at the bottom. Most of the anger has turned into acceptance which allows me to live my life to the best of my abilities. I am not as happy without the children as an everyday part of my life, however I have learned that I must be as emotionally healthy as I can be.

I have purchased my own home, am working on completing my doctorate and have recently been offered a full time clinical nursing faculty position. I also have very supportive friends and relatives. Accepting that I can never change the actions of the alienating parent, and must work on only my actions helps. I also work with a family interventionalist who has some idea what PAS is, although her intervention techniques are a work in progress. Finding pasparents@yahoo groups is a god send and is like going to an al anon meeting on line every day. I have also joined treehousesolutions.com, which is a group started by Dr. Bone and Dr. Evans to help parents deal with PAS. Knowing that I am not crazy and this insanity and child abuse of children happens and continues to happen helps me make progress. I plan to complete my doctorate, and will educate those who need to stop this hideous form of child abuse which makes once loving families and children so dysfunctional. I know that my children will once again say they love me, and can only hope for their mental well being that day is sooner rather than later.

I am a recently Divorced father. I stayed in an abusive and manipulative marriage because I believed it was better to stay with my children. Over the last 10 years of the marriage, I was constantly devalued to my children as "only the man who brings in the money and not enough of that". I never believed that the children were being abused, just me. Now I know better.

The expectations that are fed into childrens' minds are cruel things. Following the Separation, 3 years ago, I took the blame. I submitted to the view of my parental worthlessness supported by the church which I (used) to attend and where my ex-wife was an active and "hallowed" senior member especially in the area of supporting "abandoned" wives. I left the club - and that was that. My pre-teenage children called me a Devil and Evil to my face; absconded from the rare visits that I managed to secure; described me as worthless, evil and pathetic to their friends. These were adults' words, not theirs.

A year ago I was made aware of PAS and raised it with the Pastor. He dismissed it as "Not in my Church". I was laughed at by my ex-wife "No one will believe you, I'll make sure of that". Finally, my brother persuaded the children to come and see me at Christmas for two days with him. The minute he left, they left. They would not be alone with me for one second, only for one of them to say "You have to pay us our money until we've left university - the court says so - and we never have to see you or have anything to do with you again". Are these a child's words?

I have a Divorce agreement signed by my ex-wife that gives me full, open, unsupervised access to my children one-weekend-in-two and 50% of Vacations. I have seen both my children 2 times in the last 9 months. I have had two short 'phone calls. One with one daughter, where her mother listened in to the call and then told her to "go and do your homework"; the next call with the other with was shorter "I'm too busy to talk with you anyway. I have to go see some of Mum's friends, they matter." Doesn't the beep of the 'phone being cut off seem so final? Since then, no return calls, no emails, no SMS, no letters. No acknowledgement.

Under the law of the country in which I live I now have a choice. I can go back to court and if the children ( now both teenagers) say they don't want to see me (very likely considering the PAS) - the court will strike their right to see me from the Divorce agreement. PAS is not widely accepted or recognised in this country. If I don't go to Court their mother and her close circle will continue their abuse of the childrens' minds, just as went on before the end of the marriage and continues beyond it - for 10 years.

I am close to a breakdown and my children both have severe emotional problems relating positively to men, and now suffer school problems where they were both consistently B+ students before. When will the world realize that most fathers do not want to walk away from their children. They, in fact, just want to get closer to help with the pain of Separation and Divorce - but PAS from the custodial parent, PAS from the circle of adults "protecting the children", PAS from the custodial parent's family is unstoppable. "Parental Alienation Awareness Day" can only help us Mums and Dads who just want to give their children their rights - a close and loving relationship of full contact with both parents.

I for one will be printing a thousand leaflets from the website, taking the day off work and be walking the city streets on the 25th April. Join me.

In an attempt to be brief as brief as possible. I have been studying and researching the topics of PAS, PA and HAP for approximately two years due to the nature of my profession and frequency with which I encounter these kinds of problems experienced by clients. At this point, I find HAP the most helpful . I greatly appreciate all the wonderful resources on your website as do clients.

I am not an expert in this area,; however, in my work which is now focused primarily in the areas of substance abuse, I am a consultant for a second opinion in custody cases where the target parent is accused of having a substance abuse problem. Sometimes, yes but in three of three cases in the past 12 weeks, allegations have been false - one is now proven and two are pending.

Although these three referrals came from three different sources, a similarity is that the initial chemical health assessment was done by the same assessor in the same family court - all with the same outcome.

The only collaborating information used was that of an unhappy or angry spouse commonly referred to as a "hostile collateral" .

There are other signs of HAP but this is one of the tactics used in preventing contact with fathers - all high functioning who are grief stricken over loss of contact with their children and confused greatly by what is happening in family court.

I have seen frequently that when an angry spouse becomes aware of how seriously substance abuse is viewed by the courts, it becomes the target for initial allegations - often skewed or dishonest that in turn lead to another set of problems for the target parent. In two of these cases, the mother had diagnosed mental health problems and in one, quite serious after I reviewed approximately 200 pages of her mental health history. It's interesting however that this was not addressed as having relevance in the custody study because in the words of the custody evaluator. " I don't like taking children from their mother."

At the risk of sounding negative, it seems that those responsible for protecting children now become almost a part of the ongoing abuse of the children their intent was to protect.

Back to top

CAN YOU REMEMBER?

My heart hurts, my strength grows weak,
There are no words for me to speak,
Your love for me, I cannot force,
Only you can be the source.

I ask you please-recall the past,
Are there no memories that last,
No happy times of days gone by,
Only phantoms, and away they fly?

Can it all be thrown away,
Never in your mind to stay,
Can the memories be lost,
To distant places are they tossed?

Is there nothing to recall?
Does any love remain at all?
Can you not recall my touch,
When once you loved me, oh, so much,

When I cradled you in my arms and took,
That child of mine with adoring look,
When toddling, into my arms you fell,
That warm embrace you knew so well?

Is there no way you can't miss,
The love that's felt in a Mother's kiss,
The pride I took in you, my jewel,
When you were but a child in school?

On shopping trips we'd buy a toy,
What you and I would play, with joy,
When stuck with homework, in I ran,
To help you say, "Oh, yes, I can".

The fun we had when we went shopping.
We'd stay all day-there was no stopping.
The times at school your teachers met,
Together to decide what's best.

Do you remember when you learned to drive,
Together for practice we would ride?
What college to go to, it was nice,
When you asked for my advice.

Friends of yours I got to know,
That would stop and say hello,
Those memories for me-all there,
In my mind-not gone anywhere.

Is there still a spark or ember,
Can you those good times remember,
Can you look into my eyes,
Can you see the love that lies?

I wait to see love on your face,
To wrap your arms in an embrace,
To show me that you know I care,
That I always was, and will be there.

By RD

After 17 years of a toxic marriage I decided to separate. Although I shared some blame I decided I could no longer live on the edge with a 'pot head', habitual squanderer of our finances (several liens, judgments, late loan payments and defaults) as well as losing 13 jobs in 15 years. I am physically disabled from an auto accident in 1989. although my ex accuses me of being mentally unstable (and
sometimes I believe I am because of the extraordinary grief and loss ).

My ex emotionally abused me for years. I received initial physical custody of our 12 year old son. My son and ex were very close. Not in the normal sense but my ex was a 'santa claus' Dad. Never the bad guy. Always left the dirty job of discipline and teaching our child responsibility to me. He would always interfere and NEVER back me up
with our son.

My son and I also were very close. We spent 24/7 together until the night his father called the police and accused me of child abuse. They came and took my then 13 yr old child from the only home he ever had and I have not seen him for two years now (occasional visits lasting no more than 2 hours). When I asked this man WHY? He said because you divorced me and I will see you destroyed and buried.

Well I am destroyed all that's left is the burial. Oh by the way the man was always late and behind in child support and he must pay alimony to me. He is in default as I write this.

As for my son and I: No holidays. No Birthdays. No visits. Not even when his Grandfather died (my dad) he hung up and his father would not acknowledge my telephone calls pleasing for our son's attendance.
I am not a well woman physically. This has taken many years from my life. I have given up on life at this time. The pain and loss is so overwhelming I cannot find any peace or joy. I only get up in the morning and go to bed at night.

And I breath.
That is the best I can do.

D

It was 1971; I was 27 when I left my wife, and a year later we divorced. We did not get along. Not major fights, just basic marital discord. I lived with a relative for a year, then moved into my own place. I was a salesman, then worked for an insurance company, and barely made a living. After the divorce, I paid child support as ordered. My son was about 4 months old when I left, and my daughter 2 years old. I was not particularly connected to them, or to anyone. I was a nerd, and rather emotionally bland.

There was never any abuse in our marriage, and from the time we divorced, we got along reasonably. I supported her as best I could, went out of my way to do some extras for her and the kids. And tried to visit my kids as much as was reasonable. We had to go back to court because the "reasonable" visitation in her mind was 10 minutes or so. So the courts stipulated visitation.  I got every other week end for 4 hours.

As much as possible, I saw the kids. I made no big deal out of not seeing my daughter so she could go to a birthday party or my son because he was sick. As a child, I learned to not make waves.   I figured that as they got older, we would get closer. Meanwhile, I was in therapy. Big time, very low cost, intensive, change oriented therapy. I changed substantially. I subsequently became a psychotherapist. I became more passionate in my life, more emotional, more connected to people, more intense. I became a highly motivated, self directed, successful person.

While I was changing, she remarried. Now, each time I came for my visit she would tell me in front of the kids "We don’t want you here" "Don’t come back" "You abandoned us." "Leave us alone." " You don’t love the kids, and they don’t love you." She said that in front of the kids regularly. My daughter and son stopped calling me daddy, and called me by my first name. My children used their mother’s last name instead of mine. (Her married name). I would show up for visits, and the children would be afraid to tell me things. I spoke to a few people about what to do. Two psychologists and a social worker told me to let go, to move on, that what my children were going through was hurting them, and there was nothing I could do about it. They agreed that if I left, my children would be better off. So I left. A year later, they were adopted by their "father". I was out of the picture, and stayed out with the hope that they would be better off without the conflict. Even the adoption social worker thought it was best. I did not try to contact them till the youngest was 18. I wrote a long letter, and sent it to the last address I had. It was never returned. I also sent a card or so at Christmas. I chose to not make waves, fearful of legal issues, since I no longer had any rights. My name, of course, was removed from their birth certificate. (As an aside, my former wife knew that my mother had died, and her name was removed from my birth certificate. She knew how that rankled me. Nonetheless, that is what happened to my children)

By the time they were adopted, I had become a psychotherapist. Much school, much treatment, and there I was. A very changed man. But my former wife and children know nothing of that, and did not know the "new" me.

I spent 10 years or so working with refugees, through a community college, helping them to acculturate. They loved me, and I was respected. I was a great counselor. I then went into private practice, doing much work in hospitals, and in an office. Both my clients and my peers respected me. During that time I also taught applied psychology classes at 5 community colleges, and taught other classes at 4 universities. I taught many classes, Including self-esteem, goal setting and parenting. I was president of a statewide professional organization, and lobbied congress for patient’s rights. I did a lot of good for more than 25 years. I pride myself on the fact that I helped a lot of people.

All that time I looked forward to eventually having some kind of relationship with my kids.

My plan was to wait till they were old enough to make up their mind, then try in some way to be connected.

I finally found my son early last year. I called him and found out a little about him. He had said that he thought about looking me up some day, but had not gotten to it. He was 27, had completed a degree, was in law school for a time, and was now going to graduate school. I was so pleased!

But he was also guarded. He was not sure if he wanted to see me. He was not willing to tell me anything about his sister. Not where she lived, not about her schooling, nothing. Nor anything about anyone else in his family. When I asked how his mother and father were, he was not willing to even say that their health was good.

We ended it with him saying he would contact me if he wanted more contact. He did a few months later. We talked on the phone, sent a few e-mails back and forth. He remained reluctant. He was not sure if he wanted to tell me anything personal. On the phone, I mostly listened, and tried to be supportive. Then I apparently said something that angered him, and he told me he was not interested in having contact with me because I said something about his mother that was a lie.

In my email to him, I had answered his request for information about how I had done over the years by saying that I had changed. I had been a man who was unknown to my family, especially to his mother. Somehow that became the ultimate insult, and he terminated the contact. I have yet to hear from him again or ever from my daughter.

The parental alienation is rampant in this case. It is clear to myself and my therapist friends that my son and probably my daughter had been told distorted, inaccurate information about me. My former wife apparently needed to devalue me in order to make it ok for her to extricate me from the lives of my children. To say I was a good, kind man but that she wanted me out of her life would have made her into the bad guy. And for my son to admit that mom had made a mistake, and that he had lost out would be intolerable. The people who write the books on PAS are correct; it is indeed brainwashing of our children. Not, in this case, by a mean, vindictive mother, but instead, by a woman troubled with sharing her children with their father, and troubled with appearing to the world as if she had failed in a marriage.

I encourage all those who fight with this problem to keep doing so. I encourage you to do all you can to protect your life and that of your children. Those in power, the attorneys, judges, therapists, and others who have to power to change this travesty should do so. It is terrible to turn a child against someone who not only loves him or her, but also someone who would do that child a lot of good. If you encounter this problem, educate those around you to the problem. Your physicians, therapists, attorneys, even judges, need to be able to see this for the terrible problem it creates. It is only through education and work that we may have hopes of changing the future for our children.

Signed,

Always Hopeful

To Whom It May Concern:

My son and I have been living with PAS for five years now. I went through a serious depression and gained a lot of weight while married to a very controlling and mentally abusive man. After we separated, he was able to manipulate the courts enough for custody. I was misdiagnosed with Bi-Polar or Manic Depression. It doesn’t matter that I have not been depressed since our separation in 1998 and lost all the weight I had gained (over 140 pounds), and I have been proven to be more than capable of sharing in my son’s life. In California, I would have been granted shared custody by the year 2000 (it had already been directed by a court order), but a move to my ex-husband’s home town and the “good ole boy syndrome” changed our fate forever. I am not interested in “taking custody away from his dad”, but I know it is in my son’s best interest that I am a part of his life. Since my ex was granted custody, he has been slowly working to eliminate me from my son’s life. If my ex thinks he can get away with something, he will try it. I am currently in the Army National Guard and on a deployment to Iraq for a year. Since I have been here, my son’s father has used this as an opportunity to widen the gap between my child and me as far as possible. He has not allowed any contact at all. While at home, I at least had visitation and was able to offset the negative affect of his father’s words against me. My son is also being denied access to his little sister while I’m away. She is five years old.

In a million years, I never would have imagined that any judge in his right mind could listen to a tape recording of a man threatening to kill a woman, the mother of his child, and then give that man custody. Before we went to court, I had temporary custody. After my ex-husband was awarded custody, he was so angry at me that the plan to turn my son against me began. He told me then that I would never have one moment longer with my son than the “Standard Alabama Visitation Guidelines” called for. The Judge actually gave me liberal visitation, unless it couldn’t be agreed upon. But my ex’s hatred would cause him to have no concern for the best interest of our child. At the time I had not heard the term Parent Alienation, but from the first phone call when I was told my son did not want to speak to me, I knew what was about to happen. I also could not have imagined two years later that the same judge would arbitrarily order unjustified “supervised” visitation because an alleged qualified professional made a recommendation without getting all of the facts. This happened the day after the father committed a felony assault against my husband. The supervised visitation was ordered for me, yet I was not the arbitrator of an assault. How did this happen?

My son turned twelve years old this year. His father is a selfish man who hated his own mother, and would like nothing more than for me to completely disappear from my son’s life, and although the alienation began when he was seven, the ex is using my deployment to Iraq as an opportunity to terminate my relationship with my son. Right after I arrived in this country, he sent me an email telling me never contact him again and he hoped I’d stay off his continent. Then the emails supposedly started coming from my son, first from his dad’s email account and then from his own. He has told me it’s a good time to “chill” our relationship, not to send him any birthday presents, and not to write him anymore, but of course I still do. And my ex sent my son’s birthday presents back to my house in Alabama. I’ve spent the last seven years fighting for the right of my child to love both of his parents, but after this year I don’t know what’s going to happen when I return home. I do not know how I will afford the legal fees to return to court. I may lose my son for good, and unfortunately this is a cross that I’ll have to bare.

The whole situation really tears me apart, so I finally put it in God’s hands. It eases the pain some, but I do pray that one day my son will realize what’s up, although we can never recover these lost years. I hope he doesn’t hate me forever. Honestly, he has no reason to hate me at all, so it’s completely unfair what his dad is doing. I can only imagine what my son must be going through! As bad as it is for me, it must be much worse for him. He’s so confused, and I know deep down that it’s not his fault, but at the same time, it’s still my child breaking my heart! I’d like to believe that his dad sent all of the nasty emails, and my son doesn’t know anything about them, but I now understand what Parent Alienation Syndrome (PAS) and Hostile-Aggressive-Parenting (HAP is all about, and I know that my son is probably saying the words and believing that he means them! It’s a shame that while I’m in Iraq fighting a war, I can’t even send my son a simple birthday or Christmas present; and for no logical reason! I was afraid that my son was being told I’m not trying to contact him or send him anything. But recently I sent a letter to him through a friend and he refused to take it. His dad was no where around him then.

What I wish for my child is what most parents want for their children. Happiness. Love. Good education. And good memories of a good life. But what my child gets instead is a selfish, mentally abusive father. Hatred. Anger. Fear. Bullied. And he’s being denied a good mother. One who continues to fight for his sake even through all of the heartache and abuse. There has not been much justice in my case. My son is not free to visit me if he wishes. For the most part, we get the typical four days a month together. And sometimes we don’t even get those few days. Court-ordered visitation. It doesn’t matter. If his dad decides that he doesn’t visit, then he doesn’t. Can the judge not see what’s wrong in this situation? We’ve been to court and through court-ordered evaluations many times because of his father’s contempt, but nothing ever seems to change! I believe the child evaluator in our case is finally seeing through my ex-husband’s charming façade, but sadly, it’s too little too late. My son does not get to talk to me on the phone. For a long time I would try to call him every day, but after being told time and again that my child does not want to speak to me, I eventually quit calling as much. I try to call him once a week from Iraq. The first time I called from here, my ex answered the phone but hug up without acknowledging me. After that, I have never gotten another answer.

I have been told many times that he doesn’t want to see me, yet when we are together, I know he is happy and content. Everyone tells me he does love me. Basically, the fact is that his father does not want this child to be a part of my life. Because my boy is so torn and confused, there have been many times that I have seriously considered giving up the fight. The struggle has been tremendous for my son and me, and my family. But to give my child up would mean to leave him in the clutches of this controlling and mentally abusive father. And that would not be fair. He needs me to be there fighting for his welfare until I can fight no more. Given his actions while I am in Iraq, I am hoping that when I return home, I will be able to once and for all prove to a judge what he is trying and succeeding to do. And I’ll probably have to try without legal representation. But this has to be as obvious as Parental Alienation gets.

I know that people can make a difference! I believe 100% that children have the right to love and be loved by both parents. And I believe in shared parenting. I know there are certain cases where the child is better off with only one parent, whether it is the mother or father, but in my case and so many others, children are being denied because of selfish and manipulative parents. It’s completely unfair and it must stop! And I want to do whatever I can to help in the fight against PAS for my son and all the other children and parents that do not deserve to be ripped apart from one another. Thanks for listening to my story.

Sincerely,

T

This has become an epidemic and it seems that we are getting no where. I am so thankful for you and everyone who is promoting awareness of this tragedy.

I and my children are victims of PAS. My daughters were 14 and 9 when their dad and I divorced. During the marriage he did not keep involved in any of their school or extra curricular activities. During the separation, he repeatedly canceled on them to stay the night with him. I had the children living with me during the separation. My ex had several girlfriends and many friends who used drugs at his house during this time. I was working and taking care of my children, girl scouts, etc. When I seriously started dating someone my ex became vindictive, took out an ex parte order based on lies and got it to go thru somehow. My oldest daughter became an accomplice to this. I could not believe it and it has only gotten worse. My daughter calls her step mom "Mom" and me by my first name. Her calls are monitored and everything has to go thru her step mom to even talk to me. Her step brothers are hateful and disrespectful in the background. My parenting time is not allowed, other plans made etc. I am not even notified when she has an emergency or an illness. No phone calls on mothers day, birthday etc. It is like my child is being held captive and she is letting them or worse yet aiding it. Please Help . There is so much more to the story but I am trying to be brief. Thanks again

I have been married for 3 years to a man with two adopted children. His ex-wife had residential custody of the older child and he had residential custody of the younger son. They have joint custody. The younger son has Asperger's Syndrome (a form of Autism), developmental delays, processing delays, learning disabilities, and poor fine motor coordination. The older son is typical with no special needs.

At the time of our marriage, the boys were 15 and 13. They are now 18 and 16. The oldest is a senior in high school and the youngest attends a private school for children with learning disabilities. He is placed in the 8th grade, however, recent testing places him more in the 4th grade level.

I have 3 daughters, all typical, above average in intellect. They were 21, 18, and 12 at the time of our marriage. The oldest got married shortly after we did and the middle child is in college so only the youngest lives with us.

Three years of extreme parental alienation has left our marriage exhausted and the children struggling. All of the children are affected, not just the boys. It affects my girls as well as they hate seeing their mother go through the false accusations
of child abuse and the endless documentation necessary to protect oneself from these false accusations.

It is even worse when the child has a speciality such as autism. When the mother actively lies and attempts to foster hate in an autistic child, the results are devastating. This child was encouraged by his mother to do anything he could to cause his dad's new wife to become so angry she would leave. This included physical aggression. Unfortunately, the child has to be disciplined for obeying his mother.
This would cause confusion for any child, but particularly an autistic child.

Things have leveled out somewhat but, it is still an incredibly difficult relationship. The older son was told that he could do anything he wanted as long as he didn't see his father. He did. He got into drugs, skipped school, and began to fail school. He began to stay out all night and his life was headed to very bad places. All attempts by his father to see him or help him were blocked by the mother. The mother did attempt to have the father step in when things got completely out of control and the father did, sitting down on 3 separate occasions with the mother and son present to go over and implement a plan structured to keep this son from drugs, skipping school, and failing. Each time the mother verbally supported
the plan and yet, as soon as the father left, told the son it was too harsh and she failed to implement it. Yet, she still blamed the father for what was going on in this son's life.

Throughout the first two years this mother routinely told the boys that she and their father would be getting remarried as soon as he divorced me, his current wife. She instructed the autistic child to pray for our divorce and that if he prayed hard enough, it would happen and they could be a happy family again. She spread vicious rumors at the child's school and to her friends, family, and mutual friends. The children often heard her on the phone as she spread the malicious lies. She took the autistic child to a therapist other than his own to further her cause and took him to a pediatrician other than his own, claiming he was too sick to return to his fathers. After 4 days of the father demanding to see his son, being refused by the mother, and then finally finding out that his son was never even sick enough to stay home from school, the mother reluctantly agreed to meet the father at the child's
pediatrician's office when the parent coordinator put pressure on her and her attorney. So the child missed school, the father was prevented from seeing his son and nothing happened to the mother. Nothing. That is how our judicial system works. If you are a parent, you may harm your child as long as you are not burning them, cutting them, or hitting them. If you provide them food, shelter, and liquids, you
may cause as much emotional trauma as you please. That is the real deal. I've watched it for 3 years now.

There are so many more incidents like the above. It does no good to catalog them all. The toll on the children has been enormous. We will never know how much this has affected the younger son. How much more could he have learned if his mind hadn't been filled with the confusion placed there by his mother? How much happier he could have been. It is extremely sad when you consider that this child actually asked me to marry his dad and become his step-mom before his father asked me to marry him. We originally had a wonderful relationship.

And, all of these incidents - and probably hundreds more - went on while we were under the supervision of a court appointed parent coordinator. They have no real power. They cannot require any parent to behave in a rational manner. They can only state what they feel is healthy behavior. The children also saw - and see - a court appointed therapist. These professionals did help mitigate some of the damage, but, it has taken such a toll on the entire family.

As the older son completed his junior year in high school, his mother stated that she could no longer handle him. It was agreed that he either needed to be sent to a special facility to turn him around or his dad could try to accomplish this. His dad wanted to help his son and so, we agreed to take him as well. Within a week, the mother began to demand that he spend half of his time with her, despite this is
where he got into all the trouble. All the professionals agreed this was not a good idea so that did not happen. It was a terrible summer. Dealing with an autistic child, a child attempting to get off drugs, and keeping a level of normalcy for my daughter stretched me to my limits. It stretched our marriage to the limits as well. And yet, the courts were still reluctant to tamper with the mother's rights.

A custody evaluation was ordered. After 4 or 5 months the results came back. I have not read this report and really don't want to. I have seen the recommendations from the report and they all deal with controlling the mother and limiting her access. This report was completed and delivered to the court over 6 months ago. As yet, we do not even have a court date due to the legal maneuverings of the mother's
attorney, so the damage continues.

In my humble opinion, the things this woman does aught to be illegal. But, she is protected because she is the mother. The legal system is in such a mess that getting something like this to court takes a very long time and much financial resources. Even with financial resources, it is a nightmare. As sad as it is, I completely understand why some parents say, "I can't do it anymore" and walk away. A person really cannot take it forever.

Today the boys are doing better. The older son has almost no contact with his mother and it seems to be helping him. Now that he is a legal adult, the justice system cannot compel him to have visitation. The younger son is still compelled to see his mom every other weekend. The boys both love their mother, it is just incredibly difficult for them. They wish with all of their heart that their mom would just be
their mom and stop all the malicious behavior. But, no one can require that of her. The oldest child, now an adult, makes his own decisions but I see the hurt in his eyes. I don't know how long it will take him to get past this. The younger one is handling things better. The one good thing about Aspergers is that these children do not have deep, caring relationships. At least, in our situation, it is good. He is a
man of the moment. It doesn't 'stick' to him like it does the older one. We, and the professionals in his life, have sought to help him understand what is true and what is not and he is able to better figure things out. It has been a long and difficult process, but he is getting it. He still struggles with it, but not as much.

My girls are all doing ok as well. It's been hard on every member of the family. Our lives are centered around the chaos this mother stirs up regularly. It is easy to say "just ignore it and don't let it bring your life down'. It is quite another to actually do that. It is impossible when the accusations fly or you have hysterical children in your home.

I hope [awareness day] is effective in educating people about this terrible syndrome. I worry about our future generation of children as they grow into adulthood. I apologize for the lack of organization in this document. I would go back and organize it, however, I do not want to expend any more energy on these incredibly negative events. I only spent the time I did to write it so that people will know
how extreme it really is. There really are parents out there who intentionally and willfully harm their children to try and cause harm to their ex-spouse. It is incredibly sad.

Latest News

	City of Barrie declares April 25th Parental Alienation Awareness Day
	One Man Walk
	Child Help and Kids Help Phone Endorse PAAO's work
	Reconnection Ideas from a PA survivor
	THE official, unabridged, statement from the American Psychological Association regarding PAS