Parental Alienation
Awareness Organization

I would happy to share my case to your parental alienation group, as I
believe this new age sad & evil indictment for so many children should be
exposed for the terrible tragedy it is.

I have been fighting the Courts since 2001, as I was the victim
of false allegations of sexual abuse and domestic violence. As a result I get
access to children is about 9 hours a year even though I have irrefutable
evidence that I was a gentle & loving Dad who had strong and healthy bonds
with both my daughters who were 8 & 6 before this nightmare started. The
Court is not interested in the truth and has never given the chance to put my
side of the story, which will clearly show I am a victim of a huge miscarriage
of justice. I have tried to get the Court to address the blatant parental
alienation of my children however two court appointed psychologists will not
address the issue as the New Zealand psychology board does not recognize the
condition.

I can prove the Court has acted with malice, negligence and
maliciousness however with a corrupt judicial system I have no show of obtaining
natural justice. I suppose the 14 criminal convictions and 6 permanent
protection orders will remain around my neck until the hateful system finally
slams in the final nail.

My kids can’t understand it as they tell me they love me heaps and just
want to see much more of me. However when they go to see the evil lawyers which
involves a two hour trip in the car they are programmed and poisoned by their
mother, aunt, and maternal grand mother to say that they do not want to see Dad.
These are the same people who orchestrated the lies of sexual abuse and domestic
violence and I am powerless to do anything about it. I have had to face criminal
charges due to false allegations every year since this major depressive episode
started and appear again at the end of the month.

My health is suffering and doctors tell me that a stroke is inevitable even
though I am on huge doses of heart medication & warfarin for a man who
celebrates his 46 th birthday in May.

The justice system must listen to the damage of PAS and I will do
anything that I can to get this condition recognized by the sick system. I am
proud to be part a effort to try and expose this evil. i am in the family court
tomorrow .

I will distribute flyers etc. in the Courthouse - politicians - lawyers -
etc.... as they must acknowledge PAS and it harmful consequences for children
and alienated non -custodial parents .

I would happy to share my case to your parental alienation group, as I believe this new age sad & evil indictment for so many children should be exposed for the terrible tragedy it is. I have been fighting the Courts since 2001, as I was the victim of false allegations of sexual abuse and domestic violence. As a result I get access to children is about 9 hours a year even though I have irrefutable evidence that I was a gentle & loving Dad who had strong and healthy bonds with both my daughters who were 8 & 6 before this nightmare started. The Court is not interested in the truth and has never given the chance to put my side of the story, which will clearly show I am a victim of a huge miscarriage of justice. I have tried to get the Court to address the blatant parental alienation of my children however two court appointed psychologists will not address the issue as the New Zealand psychology board does not recognise the condition. I can prove the Court has acted with malice, negligence and maliciousness however with a corrupt judicial system I have no show of obtaining natural justice.

I suppose the 14 criminal convictions and 6 permanent protection orders will remain around my neck until the hateful system finally slams in the final nail. My kids can’t understand it as they tell me they love me heaps and just want to see much more of me. However when they go to see the evil lawyers which involves a two hour trip in the car they are programmed and poisoned by their mother, aunt, and maternal grand mother to say that they do not want to see Dad. These are the same people who orchestrated the lies of sexual abuse and domestic violence and I am powerless to do anything about it. I have had to face criminal charges due to false allegations every year since this major depressive episode started and appear again at the end of the month. My health is suffering and doctors tell me that a stroke is inevitable even though I am on huge doses of heart medication & warfarin for a man who celebrates his 46 th birthday in May.
The justice system must listen to the damage of PAS and I will do anything that I
can to get this condition recognised by the sick system. I am proud to be part a
effort to try and expose this evil. i am in the family court tommorrow .

I will distribute flyers etc. in the Courthouse - politicans - lawyers - etc.... as
they must acknowledge PAS and it harmful consequences for children and alienated non-custodial parents .

I am an alienated Mom. My story is very long so I will try to make this as short as possible. I left my ex in 1996. I got sole physical and we both had joint legal. In the beginning my ex was bitter and did not hide it from the children. My kids were only 3 and 4 years old when the alienation began. He would say horrific things like "Your mom is going to the devil for breaking up the family" or "I am going to run mom over with the car". There were many more viciuos comments, too many to write. I confronted their father who always denied it. I stated back to him, children at this age don't make these things up. My son even stated these things to a social worker at his preschool. She recommended that dad get therapy, he did not comply.

I sought therapy for the children. I pleaded with their Dad, who kept denying it and saying "your crazy". Despite his best efforts me and the kids remained very close. Dad remarried 4 years later and I thought great, he will now be happy. Little did I know that his wife would join in on the campaign of destroying a once very loving and close relationship between me and my kids. My entire family as well as friends and coworkers had watched the transformation of my children in the last couple of years. They have all the criteria of alienated children. During the last couple of years my ex had tried to set me up by using his own children to make false statements about me which then turned into false allegations.

He then took out an exparte order last year and was able to get temp custody by using the court system. We went before the judge five days later who was very aware of Parental Alienation. He stated " There are no police reports or 51a's on this mom" and custody was returned back to me. He also ordered a GAL to investigate as to what was going on. Well folks, guess what appeared 10 days later after custody was returned back to me? A Police report and a 51A.

This man manipulated his own children, who by now were severely alienated from me, to make a false accusation to the police which led to my arrest and an investigation. After a thorough investigation the whole case was overturned by the child protective services and they also stated that the decision to open a case should have never been supported. The charge against me was dismissed. I am grateful that the CPS workers were able to see through this. I am also grateful to all the people who supported me through this ordeal.

I myself will never be the same though because of this arrest. I have never been in any kind of trouble with the law and I have never been arrested. Furthermore I have never abused my children. This has taken a toll on my physical health. Add to that the pain I feel every day and the anxiety of not knowing if I will ever have a relationship with my two children that I love more than anything in this world, I am devastated.

I also worry about the effect this will have on my children in the long run. They appear to be doing fine on the surface but what does a child do with the feelings and thoughts of knowing what they did was not right. Because of the arrest the judge had no other alternative but to have the children temporarily reside with their father until the investigation. The gal has made her report but I cannot comment except that I was not disappointed with her findings. I also have to say we have not been in front of a judge since his last order of having the children reside with their father. I have an overturned case from CPS's, a dismissed charge and a GAL report. It was recommended that the children remain with their father for my own protection. What many judges, lawyers, etc. don't realize is that the more time the kids spend with the alienating parent the more they will be alienated.

But as the judge said at the time of his order I was caught between a rock and a hard place. He was also was questioning and concerned that a 51a appeared 10 days after custody was restored back to me. I have been before two different judges and when we go back we will go before a new judge. I can only pray they are aware of the previous court appearances. I was having time with my children which was court ordered. A phone call each night to me by the children was also ordered. As of Jan.2006 I have not had my court ordered time or phone calls with them. Their father states "I can't make them". Anyone who knows about alienating behavior knows this a classic statement made by the alienator. I will never give up on my children. I will and have been educating people on Parental Alienation. I do attend a support group. I call and leave messages for my children each night. I write them emails and send cards. Court is coming up soon. WE ALL NEED TO BRING PA TO THE ATTENTION OF THE PUBLIC.

I was with my Ex for 12 years. We were married for 8 yrs. when she decided to leave the marriage and a few months later, informed me that my two boys were not mine biologically. She promised me that the boys would always be mine. As you could imagine I was in duress over all this and pretty much decided to move on as quickly as possible and obtained a divorce a few months later, foolishly giving up my parenting rights. Because she promised I would always be their dad, I believed her.

My oldest son was 9 at the time of the Divorce, my daughter was 4. I remarried in '01. My ex remarried in '02. The 1st yr. we had the boys 50% of the time. My new wife and I worked very hard blending our new family, now with 4 kids total in the house. The kids all got along very well and loved each other. It was so awesome.

However, to all our dismay, the 2nd yr. my ex changed the schedule to 3 weekends a month and a wed. evening dinner. The boys were very upset by this huge change. Little did they know that this was only the beginning. My ex’s new husband had told me several times he did not like the kids having 2 families and 2 homes. He informed me of his intentions to take the kids from me. When this occurred, my ex made him apologize to me and she assured me that nothing would happen and I would always be the boys dad. The boys witnessed all this. Then, suddenly, it seemed all hell broke loose.

My son was told "The Truth" by his mom July of '03. At that time the kids and I were promised to have our relationship kept in tact. However, in October of '03 my ex sent me a nasty e-mail letter explaining my new relationship with the kids as no longer being "Dad" along with a list of her "rules" to abide by in order to continue seeing the boys I was also informed of her new husbands plans of adopting the boys.

The boys were made to call me by my first name and my ex’s husband dad. The next day we obtained a lawyer in hopes of establishing rights for the boys. Our system failed them miserably. The financial cost became too great of a burden and after about 9 months and no progress we had to give it up. There has been no where to turn for help. She has all the rights in the world. The right to abuse her kids?

My wife periodically checks the web to see if anything new and helpful is there. Just last night she found your site and read about (HAP) from the Family Conflict Resolution Services group of Canada. Finally, an answer to our prayers. My current wife and I are beside ourselves with grief and pain. I raised these boys from birth. I was the first to hold them, and I was their main caregiver as my self employment as a carpet cleaner allowed me more time with them. They are my children. We had a beautiful, loving, healthy relationship. It's been forever damaged because of my Ex's hateful, abusive behavior. We have had very few monitored visits over the last few years. We were presented with a proposal to continue these unwarranted, ridiculous monitored visits. I chose to decline their offer, as I feel I don't deserve to be treated like a criminal. All our phone conversations were monitored as well.

Right now I'm completely cut off from my children. The police called me just yesterday telling me he will arrest me for calling my children. It's the law in Oregon. We need all the help we can get. I'm so grateful to have found you. You and the Family Conflict Resolution Services Of Canada have been a God send. My wife and I want to help and get help ASAP. The good news is their evil plan isn't working, because my son contacted me on his own in January. We spoke for an hour and a half. Unmonitored. Finally he was himself, natural and uninhibited. The next weekend we met for a visit without the parents permission. I know this was risky, but we were desperate to see each other. I hadn't seen him since last April. My son told me I'm his dad and he does not call my ex’s husband dad. We hugged and comforted one another with assurances of continuing our relationship. I told him it was unwise to have secret calls and meetings. He said he would try to convince them of returning our visits. But we know what the outcome will be. No visits.

My son told me they are afraid I will turn him against them. We all think they are crazy. My son is angry at them and spoke of running away. His grades are bad. He needs help right now. I fear he will do something rash. Please give us some advice.

I have not been allowed to see my child since October 5, 2005 even though I live
on 10 miles from her.

In August 2004 her Dad and his friend lied to a Judge and I have not had
my child since that time for more than a weekend and he filed yet another motion
full of lies in September 05 to stop my visitation I have paid an attorney all
this time but so far nothing has happened to get my girl home. She is my only
child and I raised her after her Dad left us for his current wife in 1986 when
she was only 4 yrs old now she is 14.

I am 49 yrs old and I have survived breast cancer I have never been in any
trouble of any kind no drugs, no alcoholism and I cannot believe that in America
a Mother can lose her child just because a Judge says so at a local level but I
have learned that when you run out of money you run out of justice. I need help
in the most desperate way and my story would seem like it could never happen
unless you are the Mother living this nightmare.

... I have nothing left to lose without my child life is not worth
living.

I love her so much and I just cannot grasp that in America there is no help
for me but I have written and called all my elected officials this is something
they don't want to know about.

This mail comes from Malta (in the middle of the Mediterranean sea ) and believe me I am a victim to PAS. I am the mother of two lovely sons Jacob and Nathan who are 11 and ten respectively.

My ex husband used to bully me throughout my 15 year old marriage and is now bullying me through my sons. My elder son even refuses to speak to me on the phone these days let alone spend any time with me. My younger son still speaks to me but sometimes says so many words that hurt a lot. Like for example ….. I don’t

Need a mummy any more. Nathan also refuses to spend time with me but at least I can speak to him over the phone.

Although I have joint care and custody, my ex husband acts as though these kids are his own and only his own and has brain washed them to such an extent that I feel that I am worse than a stranger to them.

I have always loved them whole heartedly and given them my very best and feel that life is so unfair.

Recently they were living in a hotel and he used to leave the kids unattended for whole nights whilst he goes to work, even though I live 2 minutes away from the hotel. When I got to know about it which was by accident, I immediately reported the matter to the police authorities but unfortunately I did not receive much co operation. I did expect the police to send for my ex and warn him that he cannot do it again but he has done it for around ten times in two months. I am prohibited from being inside the hotel except up to the reception and therefore all I do is spend continuous sleepless nights worrying about my kids.

One thing is for sure, unfortunately when you need real assistance from the authorities, you just find out that you are completely on your own.

I am a mother of three high school teens, who have been severely alienated from me. Unfortunately although I became aware of the syndrome within weeks of my former spouse filing divorce and custody papers in June of 2003, the worse case scenario has happened. I was a role model mother, who resigned a tenured assistant nursing professor position to raise our children. During that time I worked part time was always there for my former husband and children while managing all the home needs from transport, cutting hair, cleaning, cooking to mowing the lawn etc. Rather than being appreciated I found out too late that the alienating parent was telling the children they need not listen to me, while undermining my parenting by calling me OCD and twisting anything myself or my family did to appear negative in the eyes of our children.

Although one of the most respected GALs recognized the alienation he followed some ridiculous suggestions that the children be allowed to determine with whom they want to live. Since MA law allows teenagers to choose the parent they choose to live with, and my former spouse had wanted out of our marriage since the late 90's, without communicating that to me, the results were disastrous. Our oldest daughter was mentally kidnapped as she became aware of her father's unhappiness. She began to pull her hair (trichotillomania) in the late 90s, and unfortunately my former spouse continued to sabotage our relationship without my knowledge.

As the GAL noted she became her father's lieutenant and turned her siblings against me to align with the one parent who they viewed as their savior. As one therapist stated when one parent refuses to discipline in becomes more and more difficult for the other parent to do so. I became the bad cop and he the good while simply attempting to provide the guidelines children require. In our state PAS is not well recognized and the non doctorally prepared therapists the children saw did not understand the alienation and subtle negative actions of their father, or the children's contributions.

The twisted logic of our daughter and her father continue. I made the wrong decision to support the suggestions of the GAL, and did not fight for custody during a trial, since I could not tolerate the thought of placing my children on a witness stand. I also falsely thought that cooperating with my former spouse would help. I have found out the hard way that a true alienating parent is incapable of seeing or accepting their own actions, and can not be helped.

I took the suggestions of my lawyer and GAL to work with a parental coordinator. Unfortunately the parental coordinator role is somewhat unclear and they, like many professionals, take what the alienating parent and children say as truthful since in their warped minds it is. There are so few professional who are willing to take a stand against the alienating parent since they do not want to anger them, and thus the children who are their supporters. The judge, lawyers and parental coordinators were not willing or able to stop the actions of the alienator, stating the children's ages and desires. My time with the children has actually decreased from that recommended by the GAL and judge, due in large part to the manipulations and tactics of my former spouse and his family. My former spouse once told me I had no right to have a rapport with the kids and that they would not see me if they did not want to.

He also has tried to have DSS called numerous times insinuating I am abusive and has suggested I need a restraining order. Fortunately his false claims are not recognized yet paradoxically no one seems willing to upset teenagers, so the tactics continue. I attend groups and therapy to improve my ability to accept and work with my severely alienated teens. I accepted my weaknesses long ago and continue to strive to be the best mother I can under these most trying circumstances. I will never give up although I have accepted that my kids need to make their father happy by feeding into his false perceptions. The more they allow their father to boost his false ego by placing him on his pedestal, the more the pendulum swings placing me at the bottom. Most of the anger has turned into acceptance which allows me to live my life to the best of my abilities. I am not as happy without the children as an everyday part of my life, however I have learned that I must be as emotionally healthy as I can be.

I have purchased my own home, am working on completing my doctorate and have recently been offered a full time clinical nursing faculty position. I also have very supportive friends and relatives. Accepting that I can never change the actions of the alienating parent, and must work on only my actions helps. I also work with a family interventionalist who has some idea what PAS is, although her intervention techniques are a work in progress. Finding pasparents@yahoo groups is a god send and is like going to an al anon meeting on line every day. I have also joined treehousesolutions.com, which is a group started by Dr. Bone and Dr. Evans to help parents deal with PAS. Knowing that I am not crazy and this insanity and child abuse of children happens and continues to happen helps me make progress. I plan to complete my doctorate, and will educate those who need to stop this hideous form of child abuse which makes once loving families and children so dysfunctional. I know that my children will once again say they love me, and can only hope for their mental well being that day is sooner rather than later.

I am a recently Divorced father. I stayed in an abusive and manipulative marriage because I believed it was better to stay with my children. Over the last 10 years of the marriage, I was constantly devalued to my children as "only the man who brings in the money and not enough of that". I never believed that the children were being abused, just me. Now I know better.

The expectations that are fed into childrens' minds are cruel things. Following the Separation, 3 years ago, I took the blame. I submitted to the view of my parental worthlessness supported by the church which I (used) to attend and where my ex-wife was an active and "hallowed" senior member especially in the area of supporting "abandoned" wives. I left the club - and that was that. My pre-teenage children called me a Devil and Evil to my face; absconded from the rare visits that I managed to secure; described me as worthless, evil and pathetic to their friends. These were adults' words, not theirs.

A year ago I was made aware of PAS and raised it with the Pastor. He dismissed it as "Not in my Church". I was laughed at by my ex-wife "No one will believe you, I'll make sure of that". Finally, my brother persuaded the children to come and see me at Christmas for two days with him. The minute he left, they left. They would not be alone with me for one second, only for one of them to say "You have to pay us our money until we've left university - the court says so - and we never have to see you or have anything to do with you again". Are these a child's words?

I have a Divorce agreement signed by my ex-wife that gives me full, open, unsupervised access to my children one-weekend-in-two and 50% of Vacations. I have seen both my children 2 times in the last 9 months. I have had two short 'phone calls. One with one daughter, where her mother listened in to the call and then told her to "go and do your homework"; the next call with the other with was shorter "I'm too busy to talk with you anyway. I have to go see some of Mum's friends, they matter." Doesn't the beep of the 'phone being cut off seem so final? Since then, no return calls, no emails, no SMS, no letters. No acknowledgement.

Under the law of the country in which I live I now have a choice. I can go back to court and if the children ( now both teenagers) say they don't want to see me (very likely considering the PAS) - the court will strike their right to see me from the Divorce agreement. PAS is not widely accepted or recognised in this country. If I don't go to Court their mother and her close circle will continue their abuse of the childrens' minds, just as went on before the end of the marriage and continues beyond it - for 10 years.

I am close to a breakdown and my children both have severe emotional problems relating positively to men, and now suffer school problems where they were both consistently B+ students before. When will the world realize that most fathers do not want to walk away from their children. They, in fact, just want to get closer to help with the pain of Separation and Divorce - but PAS from the custodial parent, PAS from the circle of adults "protecting the children", PAS from the custodial parent's family is unstoppable. "Parental Alienation Awareness Day" can only help us Mums and Dads who just want to give their children their rights - a close and loving relationship of full contact with both parents.

I for one will be printing a thousand leaflets from the website, taking the day off work and be walking the city streets on the 25th April. Join me.

In an attempt to be brief as brief as possible. I have been studying and researching the topics of PAS, PA and HAP for approximately two years due to the nature of my profession and frequency with which I encounter these kinds of problems experienced by clients. At this point, I find HAP the most helpful . I greatly appreciate all the wonderful resources on your website as do clients.

I am not an expert in this area,; however, in my work which is now focused primarily in the areas of substance abuse, I am a consultant for a second opinion in custody cases where the target parent is accused of having a substance abuse problem. Sometimes, yes but in three of three cases in the past 12 weeks, allegations have been false - one is now proven and two are pending.

Although these three referrals came from three different sources, a similarity is that the initial chemical health assessment was done by the same assessor in the same family court - all with the same outcome.

The only collaborating information used was that of an unhappy or angry spouse commonly referred to as a "hostile collateral" .

There are other signs of HAP but this is one of the tactics used in preventing contact with fathers - all high functioning who are grief stricken over loss of contact with their children and confused greatly by what is happening in family court.

I have seen frequently that when an angry spouse becomes aware of how seriously substance abuse is viewed by the courts, it becomes the target for initial allegations - often skewed or dishonest that in turn lead to another set of problems for the target parent. In two of these cases, the mother had diagnosed mental health problems and in one, quite serious after I reviewed approximately 200 pages of her mental health history. It's interesting however that this was not addressed as having relevance in the custody study because in the words of the custody evaluator. " I don't like taking children from their mother."

At the risk of sounding negative, it seems that those responsible for protecting children now become almost a part of the ongoing abuse of the children their intent was to protect.

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CAN YOU REMEMBER?

My heart hurts, my strength grows weak,
There are no words for me to speak,
Your love for me, I cannot force,
Only you can be the source.

I ask you please-recall the past,
Are there no memories that last,
No happy times of days gone by,
Only phantoms, and away they fly?

Can it all be thrown away,
Never in your mind to stay,
Can the memories be lost,
To distant places are they tossed?

Is there nothing to recall?
Does any love remain at all?
Can you not recall my touch,
When once you loved me, oh, so much,

When I cradled you in my arms and took,
That child of mine with adoring look,
When toddling, into my arms you fell,
That warm embrace you knew so well?

Is there no way you can't miss,
The love that's felt in a Mother's kiss,
The pride I took in you, my jewel,
When you were but a child in school?

On shopping trips we'd buy a toy,
What you and I would play, with joy,
When stuck with homework, in I ran,
To help you say, "Oh, yes, I can".

The fun we had when we went shopping.
We'd stay all day-there was no stopping.
The times at school your teachers met,
Together to decide what's best.

Do you remember when you learned to drive,
Together for practice we would ride?
What college to go to, it was nice,
When you asked for my advice.

Friends of yours I got to know,
That would stop and say hello,
Those memories for me-all there,
In my mind-not gone anywhere.

Is there still a spark or ember,
Can you those good times remember,
Can you look into my eyes,
Can you see the love that lies?

I wait to see love on your face,
To wrap your arms in an embrace,
To show me that you know I care,
That I always was, and will be there.

By RD

After 17 years of a toxic marriage I decided to separate. Although I shared some blame I decided I could no longer live on the edge with a 'pot head', habitual squanderer of our finances (several liens, judgments, late loan payments and defaults) as well as losing 13 jobs in 15 years. I am physically disabled from an auto accident in 1989. although my ex accuses me of being mentally unstable (and
sometimes I believe I am because of the extraordinary grief and loss ).

My ex emotionally abused me for years. I received initial physical custody of our 12 year old son. My son and ex were very close. Not in the normal sense but my ex was a 'santa claus' Dad. Never the bad guy. Always left the dirty job of discipline and teaching our child responsibility to me. He would always interfere and NEVER back me up
with our son.

My son and I also were very close. We spent 24/7 together until the night his father called the police and accused me of child abuse. They came and took my then 13 yr old child from the only home he ever had and I have not seen him for two years now (occasional visits lasting no more than 2 hours). When I asked this man WHY? He said because you divorced me and I will see you destroyed and buried.

Well I am destroyed all that's left is the burial. Oh by the way the man was always late and behind in child support and he must pay alimony to me. He is in default as I write this.

As for my son and I: No holidays. No Birthdays. No visits. Not even when his Grandfather died (my dad) he hung up and his father would not acknowledge my telephone calls pleasing for our son's attendance.
I am not a well woman physically. This has taken many years from my life. I have given up on life at this time. The pain and loss is so overwhelming I cannot find any peace or joy. I only get up in the morning and go to bed at night.

And I breath.
That is the best I can do.

D

It was 1971; I was 27 when I left my wife, and a year later we divorced. We did not get along. Not major fights, just basic marital discord. I lived with a relative for a year, then moved into my own place. I was a salesman, then worked for an insurance company, and barely made a living. After the divorce, I paid child support as ordered. My son was about 4 months old when I left, and my daughter 2 years old. I was not particularly connected to them, or to anyone. I was a nerd, and rather emotionally bland.

There was never any abuse in our marriage, and from the time we divorced, we got along reasonably. I supported her as best I could, went out of my way to do some extras for her and the kids. And tried to visit my kids as much as was reasonable. We had to go back to court because the "reasonable" visitation in her mind was 10 minutes or so. So the courts stipulated visitation.  I got every other week end for 4 hours.

As much as possible, I saw the kids. I made no big deal out of not seeing my daughter so she could go to a birthday party or my son because he was sick. As a child, I learned to not make waves.   I figured that as they got older, we would get closer. Meanwhile, I was in therapy. Big time, very low cost, intensive, change oriented therapy. I changed substantially. I subsequently became a psychotherapist. I became more passionate in my life, more emotional, more connected to people, more intense. I became a highly motivated, self directed, successful person.

While I was changing, she remarried. Now, each time I came for my visit she would tell me in front of the kids "We don’t want you here" "Don’t come back" "You abandoned us." "Leave us alone." " You don’t love the kids, and they don’t love you." She said that in front of the kids regularly. My daughter and son stopped calling me daddy, and called me by my first name. My children used their mother’s last name instead of mine. (Her married name). I would show up for visits, and the children would be afraid to tell me things. I spoke to a few people about what to do. Two psychologists and a social worker told me to let go, to move on, that what my children were going through was hurting them, and there was nothing I could do about it. They agreed that if I left, my children would be better off. So I left. A year later, they were adopted by their "father". I was out of the picture, and stayed out with the hope that they would be better off without the conflict. Even the adoption social worker thought it was best. I did not try to contact them till the youngest was 18. I wrote a long letter, and sent it to the last address I had. It was never returned. I also sent a card or so at Christmas. I chose to not make waves, fearful of legal issues, since I no longer had any rights. My name, of course, was removed from their birth certificate. (As an aside, my former wife knew that my mother had died, and her name was removed from my birth certificate. She knew how that rankled me. Nonetheless, that is what happened to my children)

By the time they were adopted, I had become a psychotherapist. Much school, much treatment, and there I was. A very changed man. But my former wife and children know nothing of that, and did not know the "new" me.

I spent 10 years or so working with refugees, through a community college, helping them to acculturate. They loved me, and I was respected. I was a great counselor. I then went into private practice, doing much work in hospitals, and in an office. Both my clients and my peers respected me. During that time I also taught applied psychology classes at 5 community colleges, and taught other classes at 4 universities. I taught many classes, Including self-esteem, goal setting and parenting. I was president of a statewide professional organization, and lobbied congress for patient’s rights. I did a lot of good for more than 25 years. I pride myself on the fact that I helped a lot of people.

All that time I looked forward to eventually having some kind of relationship with my kids.

My plan was to wait till they were old enough to make up their mind, then try in some way to be connected.

I finally found my son early last year. I called him and found out a little about him. He had said that he thought about looking me up some day, but had not gotten to it. He was 27, had completed a degree, was in law school for a time, and was now going to graduate school. I was so pleased!

But he was also guarded. He was not sure if he wanted to see me. He was not willing to tell me anything about his sister. Not where she lived, not about her schooling, nothing. Nor anything about anyone else in his family. When I asked how his mother and father were, he was not willing to even say that their health was good.

We ended it with him saying he would contact me if he wanted more contact. He did a few months later. We talked on the phone, sent a few e-mails back and forth. He remained reluctant. He was not sure if he wanted to tell me anything personal. On the phone, I mostly listened, and tried to be supportive. Then I apparently said something that angered him, and he told me he was not interested in having contact with me because I said something about his mother that was a lie.

In my email to him, I had answered his request for information about how I had done over the years by saying that I had changed. I had been a man who was unknown to my family, especially to his mother. Somehow that became the ultimate insult, and he terminated the contact. I have yet to hear from him again or ever from my daughter.

The parental alienation is rampant in this case. It is clear to myself and my therapist friends that my son and probably my daughter had been told distorted, inaccurate information about me. My former wife apparently needed to devalue me in order to make it ok for her to extricate me from the lives of my children. To say I was a good, kind man but that she wanted me out of her life would have made her into the bad guy. And for my son to admit that mom had made a mistake, and that he had lost out would be intolerable. The people who write the books on PAS are correct; it is indeed brainwashing of our children. Not, in this case, by a mean, vindictive mother, but instead, by a woman troubled with sharing her children with their father, and troubled with appearing to the world as if she had failed in a marriage.

I encourage all those who fight with this problem to keep doing so. I encourage you to do all you can to protect your life and that of your children. Those in power, the attorneys, judges, therapists, and others who have to power to change this travesty should do so. It is terrible to turn a child against someone who not only loves him or her, but also someone who would do that child a lot of good. If you encounter this problem, educate those around you to the problem. Your physicians, therapists, attorneys, even judges, need to be able to see this for the terrible problem it creates. It is only through education and work that we may have hopes of changing the future for our children.

Signed,

Always Hopeful

To Whom It May Concern:

My son and I have been living with PAS for five years now. I went through a serious depression and gained a lot of weight while married to a very controlling and mentally abusive man. After we separated, he was able to manipulate the courts enough for custody. I was misdiagnosed with Bi-Polar or Manic Depression. It doesn’t matter that I have not been depressed since our separation in 1998 and lost all the weight I had gained (over 140 pounds), and I have been proven to be more than capable of sharing in my son’s life. In California, I would have been granted shared custody by the year 2000 (it had already been directed by a court order), but a move to my ex-husband’s home town and the “good ole boy syndrome” changed our fate forever. I am not interested in “taking custody away from his dad”, but I know it is in my son’s best interest that I am a part of his life. Since my ex was granted custody, he has been slowly working to eliminate me from my son’s life. If my ex thinks he can get away with something, he will try it. I am currently in the Army National Guard and on a deployment to Iraq for a year. Since I have been here, my son’s father has used this as an opportunity to widen the gap between my child and me as far as possible. He has not allowed any contact at all. While at home, I at least had visitation and was able to offset the negative affect of his father’s words against me. My son is also being denied access to his little sister while I’m away. She is five years old.

In a million years, I never would have imagined that any judge in his right mind could listen to a tape recording of a man threatening to kill a woman, the mother of his child, and then give that man custody. Before we went to court, I had temporary custody. After my ex-husband was awarded custody, he was so angry at me that the plan to turn my son against me began. He told me then that I would never have one moment longer with my son than the “Standard Alabama Visitation Guidelines” called for. The Judge actually gave me liberal visitation, unless it couldn’t be agreed upon. But my ex’s hatred would cause him to have no concern for the best interest of our child. At the time I had not heard the term Parent Alienation, but from the first phone call when I was told my son did not want to speak to me, I knew what was about to happen. I also could not have imagined two years later that the same judge would arbitrarily order unjustified “supervised” visitation because an alleged qualified professional made a recommendation without getting all of the facts. This happened the day after the father committed a felony assault against my husband. The supervised visitation was ordered for me, yet I was not the arbitrator of an assault. How did this happen?

My son turned twelve years old this year. His father is a selfish man who hated his own mother, and would like nothing more than for me to completely disappear from my son’s life, and although the alienation began when he was seven, the ex is using my deployment to Iraq as an opportunity to terminate my relationship with my son. Right after I arrived in this country, he sent me an email telling me never contact him again and he hoped I’d stay off his continent. Then the emails supposedly started coming from my son, first from his dad’s email account and then from his own. He has told me it’s a good time to “chill” our relationship, not to send him any birthday presents, and not to write him anymore, but of course I still do. And my ex sent my son’s birthday presents back to my house in Alabama. I’ve spent the last seven years fighting for the right of my child to love both of his parents, but after this year I don’t know what’s going to happen when I return home. I do not know how I will afford the legal fees to return to court. I may lose my son for good, and unfortunately this is a cross that I’ll have to bare.

The whole situation really tears me apart, so I finally put it in God’s hands. It eases the pain some, but I do pray that one day my son will realize what’s up, although we can never recover these lost years. I hope he doesn’t hate me forever. Honestly, he has no reason to hate me at all, so it’s completely unfair what his dad is doing. I can only imagine what my son must be going through! As bad as it is for me, it must be much worse for him. He’s so confused, and I know deep down that it’s not his fault, but at the same time, it’s still my child breaking my heart! I’d like to believe that his dad sent all of the nasty emails, and my son doesn’t know anything about them, but I now understand what Parent Alienation Syndrome (PAS) and Hostile-Aggressive-Parenting (HAP is all about, and I know that my son is probably saying the words and believing that he means them! It’s a shame that while I’m in Iraq fighting a war, I can’t even send my son a simple birthday or Christmas present; and for no logical reason! I was afraid that my son was being told I’m not trying to contact him or send him anything. But recently I sent a letter to him through a friend and he refused to take it. His dad was no where around him then.

What I wish for my child is what most parents want for their children. Happiness. Love. Good education. And good memories of a good life. But what my child gets instead is a selfish, mentally abusive father. Hatred. Anger. Fear. Bullied. And he’s being denied a good mother. One who continues to fight for his sake even through all of the heartache and abuse. There has not been much justice in my case. My son is not free to visit me if he wishes. For the most part, we get the typical four days a month together. And sometimes we don’t even get those few days. Court-ordered visitation. It doesn’t matter. If his dad decides that he doesn’t visit, then he doesn’t. Can the judge not see what’s wrong in this situation? We’ve been to court and through court-ordered evaluations many times because of his father’s contempt, but nothing ever seems to change! I believe the child evaluator in our case is finally seeing through my ex-husband’s charming façade, but sadly, it’s too little too late. My son does not get to talk to me on the phone. For a long time I would try to call him every day, but after being told time and again that my child does not want to speak to me, I eventually quit calling as much. I try to call him once a week from Iraq. The first time I called from here, my ex answered the phone but hug up without acknowledging me. After that, I have never gotten another answer.

I have been told many times that he doesn’t want to see me, yet when we are together, I know he is happy and content. Everyone tells me he does love me. Basically, the fact is that his father does not want this child to be a part of my life. Because my boy is so torn and confused, there have been many times that I have seriously considered giving up the fight. The struggle has been tremendous for my son and me, and my family. But to give my child up would mean to leave him in the clutches of this controlling and mentally abusive father. And that would not be fair. He needs me to be there fighting for his welfare until I can fight no more. Given his actions while I am in Iraq, I am hoping that when I return home, I will be able to once and for all prove to a judge what he is trying and succeeding to do. And I’ll probably have to try without legal representation. But this has to be as obvious as Parental Alienation gets.

I know that people can make a difference! I believe 100% that children have the right to love and be loved by both parents. And I believe in shared parenting. I know there are certain cases where the child is better off with only one parent, whether it is the mother or father, but in my case and so many others, children are being denied because of selfish and manipulative parents. It’s completely unfair and it must stop! And I want to do whatever I can to help in the fight against PAS for my son and all the other children and parents that do not deserve to be ripped apart from one another. Thanks for listening to my story.

Sincerely,

T

This has become an epidemic and it seems that we are getting no where. I am so thankful for you and everyone who is promoting awareness of this tragedy.

I and my children are victims of PAS. My daughters were 14 and 9 when their dad and I divorced. During the marriage he did not keep involved in any of their school or extra curricular activities. During the separation, he repeatedly canceled on them to stay the night with him. I had the children living with me during the separation. My ex had several girlfriends and many friends who used drugs at his house during this time. I was working and taking care of my children, girl scouts, etc. When I seriously started dating someone my ex became vindictive, took out an ex parte order based on lies and got it to go thru somehow. My oldest daughter became an accomplice to this. I could not believe it and it has only gotten worse. My daughter calls her step mom "Mom" and me by my first name. Her calls are monitored and everything has to go thru her step mom to even talk to me. Her step brothers are hateful and disrespectful in the background. My parenting time is not allowed, other plans made etc. I am not even notified when she has an emergency or an illness. No phone calls on mothers day, birthday etc. It is like my child is being held captive and she is letting them or worse yet aiding it. Please Help . There is so much more to the story but I am trying to be brief. Thanks again

I have been married for 3 years to a man with two adopted children. His ex-wife had residential custody of the older child and he had residential custody of the younger son. They have joint custody. The younger son has Asperger's Syndrome (a form of Autism), developmental delays, processing delays, learning disabilities, and poor fine motor coordination. The older son is typical with no special needs.

At the time of our marriage, the boys were 15 and 13. They are now 18 and 16. The oldest is a senior in high school and the youngest attends a private school for children with learning disabilities. He is placed in the 8th grade, however, recent testing places him more in the 4th grade level.

I have 3 daughters, all typical, above average in intellect. They were 21, 18, and 12 at the time of our marriage. The oldest got married shortly after we did and the middle child is in college so only the youngest lives with us.

Three years of extreme parental alienation has left our marriage exhausted and the children struggling. All of the children are affected, not just the boys. It affects my girls as well as they hate seeing their mother go through the false accusations
of child abuse and the endless documentation necessary to protect oneself from these false accusations.

It is even worse when the child has a speciality such as autism. When the mother actively lies and attempts to foster hate in an autistic child, the results are devastating. This child was encouraged by his mother to do anything he could to cause his dad's new wife to become so angry she would leave. This included physical aggression. Unfortunately, the child has to be disciplined for obeying his mother.
This would cause confusion for any child, but particularly an autistic child.

Things have leveled out somewhat but, it is still an incredibly difficult relationship. The older son was told that he could do anything he wanted as long as he didn't see his father. He did. He got into drugs, skipped school, and began to fail school. He began to stay out all night and his life was headed to very bad places. All attempts by his father to see him or help him were blocked by the mother. The mother did attempt to have the father step in when things got completely out of control and the father did, sitting down on 3 separate occasions with the mother and son present to go over and implement a plan structured to keep this son from drugs, skipping school, and failing. Each time the mother verbally supported
the plan and yet, as soon as the father left, told the son it was too harsh and she failed to implement it. Yet, she still blamed the father for what was going on in this son's life.

Throughout the first two years this mother routinely told the boys that she and their father would be getting remarried as soon as he divorced me, his current wife. She instructed the autistic child to pray for our divorce and that if he prayed hard enough, it would happen and they could be a happy family again. She spread vicious rumors at the child's school and to her friends, family, and mutual friends. The children often heard her on the phone as she spread the malicious lies. She took the autistic child to a therapist other than his own to further her cause and took him to a pediatrician other than his own, claiming he was too sick to return to his fathers. After 4 days of the father demanding to see his son, being refused by the mother, and then finally finding out that his son was never even sick enough to stay home from school, the mother reluctantly agreed to meet the father at the child's
pediatrician's office when the parent coordinator put pressure on her and her attorney. So the child missed school, the father was prevented from seeing his son and nothing happened to the mother. Nothing. That is how our judicial system works. If you are a parent, you may harm your child as long as you are not burning them, cutting them, or hitting them. If you provide them food, shelter, and liquids, you
may cause as much emotional trauma as you please. That is the real deal. I've watched it for 3 years now.

There are so many more incidents like the above. It does no good to catalog them all. The toll on the children has been enormous. We will never know how much this has affected the younger son. How much more could he have learned if his mind hadn't been filled with the confusion placed there by his mother? How much happier he could have been. It is extremely sad when you consider that this child actually asked me to marry his dad and become his step-mom before his father asked me to marry him. We originally had a wonderful relationship.

And, all of these incidents - and probably hundreds more - went on while we were under the supervision of a court appointed parent coordinator. They have no real power. They cannot require any parent to behave in a rational manner. They can only state what they feel is healthy behavior. The children also saw - and see - a court appointed therapist. These professionals did help mitigate some of the damage, but, it has taken such a toll on the entire family.

As the older son completed his junior year in high school, his mother stated that she could no longer handle him. It was agreed that he either needed to be sent to a special facility to turn him around or his dad could try to accomplish this. His dad wanted to help his son and so, we agreed to take him as well. Within a week, the mother began to demand that he spend half of his time with her, despite this is
where he got into all the trouble. All the professionals agreed this was not a good idea so that did not happen. It was a terrible summer. Dealing with an autistic child, a child attempting to get off drugs, and keeping a level of normalcy for my daughter stretched me to my limits. It stretched our marriage to the limits as well. And yet, the courts were still reluctant to tamper with the mother's rights.

A custody evaluation was ordered. After 4 or 5 months the results came back. I have not read this report and really don't want to. I have seen the recommendations from the report and they all deal with controlling the mother and limiting her access. This report was completed and delivered to the court over 6 months ago. As yet, we do not even have a court date due to the legal maneuverings of the mother's
attorney, so the damage continues.

In my humble opinion, the things this woman does aught to be illegal. But, she is protected because she is the mother. The legal system is in such a mess that getting something like this to court takes a very long time and much financial resources. Even with financial resources, it is a nightmare. As sad as it is, I completely understand why some parents say, "I can't do it anymore" and walk away. A person really cannot take it forever.

Today the boys are doing better. The older son has almost no contact with his mother and it seems to be helping him. Now that he is a legal adult, the justice system cannot compel him to have visitation. The younger son is still compelled to see his mom every other weekend. The boys both love their mother, it is just incredibly difficult for them. They wish with all of their heart that their mom would just be
their mom and stop all the malicious behavior. But, no one can require that of her. The oldest child, now an adult, makes his own decisions but I see the hurt in his eyes. I don't know how long it will take him to get past this. The younger one is handling things better. The one good thing about Aspergers is that these children do not have deep, caring relationships. At least, in our situation, it is good. He is a
man of the moment. It doesn't 'stick' to him like it does the older one. We, and the professionals in his life, have sought to help him understand what is true and what is not and he is able to better figure things out. It has been a long and difficult process, but he is getting it. He still struggles with it, but not as much.

My girls are all doing ok as well. It's been hard on every member of the family. Our lives are centered around the chaos this mother stirs up regularly. It is easy to say "just ignore it and don't let it bring your life down'. It is quite another to actually do that. It is impossible when the accusations fly or you have hysterical children in your home.

I hope [awareness day] is effective in educating people about this terrible syndrome. I worry about our future generation of children as they grow into adulthood. I apologize for the lack of organization in this document. I would go back and organize it, however, I do not want to expend any more energy on these incredibly negative events. I only spent the time I did to write it so that people will know
how extreme it really is. There really are parents out there who intentionally and willfully harm their children to try and cause harm to their ex-spouse. It is incredibly sad.

Over the last 8 years I have been systematically eliminated by a demanding controlling former spouse. I have now not seen my child for the last 4 years because this former spouse has created perjury, fraud, extortion, attempts on my life, theft and big time PAS on my 13 year old daughter. The corruption of the NJ family law legal system has shown its bias, corruption, greed, churning and even above the law
concepts and refuses to help me a good parent and not the one found guilty of domestic violence.

I am in a lot of pain over this pure well and easily defined NJ corruption and not seeing my child in a normal way for so many years. I have been driven into financial ruin by these thieves. My life has been threatened due to major medical issues that have been caused by this team of criminals. My health is failing very slowly but my
age and medical record is against me and these criminals want me not to live or see my baby ever again. All I have now is a little bear that I bought that has a theme called "Butterfly Kisses" (a song by Carlyle). I have zero contact with my child because of a controlling abusive and demanding former spouse.

I was asked to write my story without anger or emotion. After five years you would think I would be numb or over it by now, but that is not the case. This is a wound that never ends. The tale of my daughter's dissent into the world of PAS and the affects on all of us are portrayed by the facts that follows. I will do my best to keep it purely straight to the facts, all the while hoping that it stirs something inside of readers to put an end to this epidemic of assault on America's children and families.

I was married for almost twenty years and was blessed with two wonderful, bright daughters. The marriage was not an easy one, but filled with emotional, verbal, and at times physical abuse due to my husband's drug and promiscuity habits. My children and I suffered many things at his hands, at times living without electricity, proper food and other provisions.On the fourth attempt to break away we succeeded. In doing so we left our home, our pets, and neighbors. Our family and friends aided us by providing a floor to sleep on and upkeep for two weeks. It was a life of hardships and joy. We were free. In three months we had a three bedroom rental home, and with my meager income we survived and flourished. During this transition their father never
asked about them, only calling to harass me or come to my workplace or home to worry us. His disinterest in his children only increased as his life of drug abuse and endless flings became even more obvious. I continued to be involved in my daughters activities such as school functions, girl scouts, sleepovers etc. I did try to keep their father involved but he seemed to not care. The girls were told that me and their dad along with both our families still loved them and it wasn’t about them or anything they had done, unfortunately their father did not return the courtesy.

When someone came into my life after two years who loved me and wanted to make a life together with us, my ex husband became very vindictive and the assaults started. He fabricated abuse, neglect and many other perils that the children were to have supposedly suffered by me. My oldest daughter at the time was very untrusting, she refused to believe that someone could love us and therefore sided with her dad who had convinced her that she had to protect her little sister. With her assistance he obtained an ex parte order and a policeman showed up at my house and took my youngest out of the bathtub and handed her over to her father. There were no home visits or investigation to prove or disprove my quality of motherhood, only his word and that of a
county sheriff who he had paid off to be the strong arm in this. The court was biased by my husbands "bedfellows" as to my qualifications as a mother, even after he admitted on the stand to drug abuse and physical violence. There were no drug test or counseling ordered. His lawyer was the best his mother's money could buy, while my legal aid representative stood quietly by after all his promises and so called concern. I then hired another attorney with the help of my boyfriend,she saw the contempts of court that my ex husband had a long list of, she assured me that the girls would get an attorney of their own as well as an advocate, this too was a lie. The father was then awarded primary physical custody, with us having joint legal custody. This was a joke put on paper but not enforced at all. My parenting time was not given and the police wouldn't help enforce it or even go with me to ward off abuse at the hands of my ex. Threats made by the children's
step-mother went unnoticed, disrespect, interferences with any type of normal relationship with my daughters were ignored. It seemed that he was above the law while I continued to pay child support to a man who made three times the salary I did.

The worse part of it all was that the children were bombarded with hurtful lies that overshadowed the truth that I loved and wanted them. They seem to have forgotten the love in our home and the good times we had. They were taught to disrespect not only me but their maternal family as well. Phone calls were monitored, interferences in the background or simply refused by "she isn't here" or "she doesn't want to talk to you". Mother's Day, birthdays, and holidays are torture, back to school sales and summer breaks are almost unbearable. People that don't know the story look at you like a monster because you are a mother who was beaten in court and lost your children, and even people you know are caught up in the lies. The vengeance of a man who has no one to control because he can't control himself is very serious. It seems that someone who actually loved their children could not abuse them by stealing their mother from them. How can a father let a child
hurt so bad just to validate his anger and ego?

In conclusion, this is a wound that never heals, it is not allowed to. No amount of time or how much you have been hurt and lied to and disrespected can seal it over. I and many other parents, mourn heart and soul for our children to be restored to us. Well meaning friends and family offer advise that they will one day grow up and come around etc, but it is not as simple as that. We have to fight, to rescue these children from this abuse, to get the awareness of this hideous crime brought to light. Not only for us and our children but for America's future. So from all of us with silent homes, empty arms, grieving hearts and tormented minds we ask to simply be heard. Thank
you.

To the judges, the lawmakers and the public

My child is being held hostage, a ransom beyond any capability is demanded. Were it money, fame, title, or even my own life, these could be met. No, this captor demands that all memories of fondness or love are taken from my child. He pursues a control on her emotions, thinking, and time, aided by his accomplices. Where are the FBI, the outrage from the public, the police or even an interested relative?

Who will loose her? The police aided in the abduction you see, the judges granted permission, the legal profession only thickened their pockets to keep this ongoing. Why is everyone looking in the opposite direction?

The desperation continues as the years slip away. My torment is endless. Is she ok, is she safe, is she happy, does she remember how much I love her? The negotiations are futile, for the captor does not let up on the bombardment of his propaganda. How can a child be made to believe the lie that her mother doesn't want or love her? How can someone tell a child that she is not important enough? Most of all How can they get away with the repeated rape of her relationship with her mother? You see someone stole my child, they took her memories and replayed them with distortions. Her diet was one of constant
contempt and disrespect. She had to adjust to fit into this new world, to become one of them to survive. Why is this not only allowed but aided and the cries ignored? Who is this person you may ask, she calls him Dad.

Dear Editor:I am writing because someone needs to make sure that these issues are addressed in the media so they start to be resolved. The issues I wish to address are those of child support, custody, visitation rights and the courts do nothing attitude.

My husband was separated from his wife for three years when he met me. At the time, he and his ex-wife were originally going through a divorce using the same attorney as neither was contesting it and he was seeing his children on a regular basis of 2 to 3 times a week. As soon as his ex-wife found out that he was dating me, she began to refuse him his children without explanation.

During this time, behind his back, she switched divorce attorneys. The divorce was filed without properly notifying my husband. At the divorce hearing, the judge did not even question my husband's absence and request a second attempt at service of the divorce. Instead he allowed her the divorce, along with sole custody along with an inflated statement of my husband’s income. She supplied no evidence for the courts of his income just her word.

So here is my husband, not seeing his children and being forced to pay child support, which was way in excess of his income. Having little money and just coming from a fire, which burnt us out of our home, we tried to handle these situations pro-se. First was the matter of the denial of visitation. During a family court evaluation, it was determined that the ex had tried to lie to the court family evaluator about supposed domestic violence. It was also determined that the she had lied to the courts, the police and the children including deliberately undermining their relationship with their father. Yet, the courts did nothing but make recommendations for counseling, which took the mother over 3 months to find a counselor. Worse, the mother was allowed to set up counseling for 7:45 in the morning before school. This should have been seen for what it was, psychological child abuse.

This counselor was a joke. The children rarely came to a session and when they did they rarely talked. But if any positive things were established or they came for a visit and had a good time, it was ripped apart by their mother. In addition, they rarely came on their scheduled weekend visits. All of this was brought up numerous times to the counselor and the family courts but no one did anything. Ultimately, after a year and half of this, family services said the case was to old and we had to re-file it.

The new evaluator was prejudiced against men. She believed everything the ex-wife told her and more. The evaluator refused to acknowledge the journal her own agency had requested we keep after the first visitation evaluation. She refused to even read the original visitation evaluation. She refused to accept the judge’s court record of the ex’s perjury charges. Instead, she blamed my husband for not having a relationship with his children, which is pretty sick since his ex-wife controlled the children’s every move. She did, however make the same court ordered recommendations for counseling using the ex’s insurance. We tried to contact this evaluator’s boss’s boss to have this evaluation overturned or amended but they refused. According to this man, the report meant nothing; it was the recommendations, which were important.

So we did what the second evaluator’s report asked us to do. We found a therapist using the ex’s insurance. She was phenomenal and understood all about brainwashing/programming and Parental Alienation, but the ex refused to go to see her. She had every excuse in the book, from lying that her insurance had changed; to the counseling would interfere with her sons after school activities; to the counselor could not see them on a regular basis. The therapist was furious with all these lies and called this second evaluator to tell her that they were all lies. But again the counselor refused to document this in her report. It was not until several months later after the ex had refused to allow her insurance company to pay for the initial consultation with the therapist and my husband, that the evaluator added to her report that the ex refused to cooperate. But by this time, the damage had been done. Now ex had enough time to brainwash the children into hating their father and believing he did not love them.

Meanwhile, my husband filed a Motion for Child Support Modification based upon his income and physical condition of his back and knees. But his ex-wife came into court crying and screaming poverty and so the judge refused my husband’s tax returns and medical letters which proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that his child support payments were way too high. Despite solid evidence to the contrary, my husband was forced to pay exorbitant child support way beyond his financial and physical means. This situation ultimately caused him to go into the arrearages.

Finally, after four years of not seeing his children and paying excessive child support, he hired an attorney. The first thing this attorney did was to file a motion to have the child support reduced. This was granted using the same income tax information and medical information but because he paid for an attorney, it was accepted. This should be a crime, that he had to spend money on an attorney just to prove he could not afford the child support payments. In addition, this should have been retroactive back to his first child support payment after the divorce, but of course the courts refuse to do this because it would supposedly hurt the children. Well, what about what it did to my husband, my daughter and I. We have both had to declare bankruptcy in the past 2 years because of these issue.

After the awarding of this Motion for Modification, the ex refused to accept the courts orders. She filed to have the Motion discarded claiming that my husband had frauded her and was hiding money in my accounts. What money? We were so financially broke that I had to file for bankruptcy. During the next two years of trial, the ex was caught lying on several occasions. In fact, on one occasion, she tried to submit a $3600 day camp bill at the YMCA. It turned out she had gotten financial aid and only paid $500. She forged and fraudulently filed this bill. The judge made it a matter of court record but never pressed criminal charges against her. Why? Because she is the Mommy. This is discrimination. If my husband had done this, he would have been thrown in jail in a heartbeat.

The next thing our attorney did was to follow up on the 11 motions we had filed against his ex-wife. They ranged from motions for a Court Appointed Attorney for the Minor Children, to quashing of depositions and subpoena’s to motions for psychiatric evaluations and to stop harassment. The first thing of most importance was to get my husband’s relationship back on track with his children.

So we went back into court this past January 2002, where again it was court ordered that counseling begin with the ex supplying a list of counselors on her insurance between our town and hers; that the ex not interfere with my husband’s attempts at communicating with his children; and that a Guardian Ad Litem be appointed. Three months later, still no list of counselors. Six months later, a list of counselors only in her town. Seven months later, she refuses to make her children go to counseling outside of her town. Eight months later, we have a list of two counselors, one of which has not been in practice for over 2 years and the other is only a social worker. Nine months later, we still have no insurance information so we can schedule an appoint with the social worker. By this point, our attorney is getting as frustrated as we are and leaving not so nice messages for the Court Appointed Attorney and GAL. But still no one is doing anything to stop this woman from continuing to interfere with the children and their father’s relationship or the lies and perjury.

In addition to all of this, the judge who ordered the motion for modification of child support found out that only $1 of the weekly amount is going to the arrearages. The judge thinks this is not enough and wants my husband to pay more. Well, wait a minute here. My husband would not be in the arrearages in the first place if his ex-wife had not lied about his income and the courts had not allowed her to get a divorce without my husband being present. Secondly, had the courts accepted my husband’s income information and medical letters the first time he applied to have a modification, his child support would have been lowered and he could have afforded it. Thirdly, had his ex-wife not constantly interfered with his relationship and visitation with his children, he would not have had to spend so much money and lost so much time from work to go to court to fight for his parental rights. Fourthly, if his ex had not harassed him and dragged him through court on a bogus claim of fraud, he would have not had to pay for an attorney again.

Why are we rewarding this woman for her bad behavior? If this was a child, there would be no cookies and ice cream. So why is the court, with all their extensive knowledge of this woman’s evil actions, thinking of awarding her even more money? This is totally morally and ethically unsound. The children are not starving, or going without. His ex’s mother is a millionaire on top of all this. It is bad enough that the ex has never been held accountable for her actions, but to reward her with them? This is sick.

Enough is enough. This discrimination to not penalize a woman/mother for a crime that a man/father would be put in jail for in a heart beat. This is discrimination, that my husband is held to a higher standard for paying child support, which is a civil matter. While his ex-wife can commit criminal acts of perjury, filing false domestic violence reports, filing false restraining orders, deliberately interfering with my husband constitutional rights to be a parent to his children and she never gets even a slap on the wrist. We all know that if a man/father committed just one tenth of what this woman did, he would never see his children again, be fined or thrown in jail and have a permanent criminal record. Why is this not good enough for her?

Please help us to stop these injustices. They are happening all over this world, but if we can at least make a dent in them here in this country, maybe there is hope for others. Our children’s futures depend on us. They are being forced to live a life of psychological pain and suffering which in adulthood is statistically known to produce dysfunctional and suicidal adults.

Best regards,
J.K.

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My story dates back to December 1992, following the
birth of my first born Son in Yellowknife,
Northwest Territories Canada.

My "X" began the alienation by restricting my parental
responsibilities, under the auspices of her parents in
their home.

I was "told" that I could only visit my son in their
home, for 2 hours a day.

Ten years of court proceedings followed, 5 trials and
endless hearings where I was denied 90% of court
ordered parental responsibilities for reasons stemming
from my X, her family and friends.  During this time,
an Alberta Child Physiologist (name removed)

withdrew from the file, following a complaint to the
Psychologist Association of Alberta, and her lawyer
was then disciplined by the
Alberta Bar Association, only to return a year later,
with further UN-tested, UN-substantiated allegations.

But this did not stop the Alienation.  In 1997, my son
was finally abducted out of the Northwest Territories
without my consent, to Alberta, and in two short
years, he turned against me.

In 1999, my son, told the assessor stemming
from the Office of the Children's Lawyer, Alberta,
"I hate my Dad, he's a fucking asshole" at the age of
ten.

This vehicle did nothing to address this alienation,
and failed my family.  The matter was passed on

to an Alberta child-psychologist, who
recommended that my son choose who he wishes to see
and speak with.  An application was place with the
Provincial Court of Stony Plain Alberta, highlighting
P.A.S. as the problem, but was rejected in favour of
this doctors two page letter, who in turn never
came to court.

At this point, I simply gave - up, having developed a
second relationship, bearing my second born Son
in Ontario, Canada.

My second son was born in 1997, and by the time he was
about thirteen months, my self confessed cocaine
addicted X has filed for custody.  A Justice of the Court in

the Provincial Court of Oshawa, dismissed the report
stemming from the Office of the Children's lawyer
Ontario, stating it "lacked Substance" and ordered
shared parenting.  This held for approximately
eighteen months, with a final order of equal shared
parenting.

In 1999, the Chretien Administration launched a pilot
project, titled "The Unified Family Court".  Again
this experiment simply failed my family.  The thrust
of this  pilot converted 40% of the Ontario Courts, to
push parents to complete a variety of parenting
initiatives.

With three certifications under my belt, I was reduced
to a working equal shared parenting order, to one
supervised access visit a month, lasting two hours, in
eleven short months of constant applications stemming
from my self - confessed cocaine addicted X, and
allegations from her family, and friends.

In 2001, with my parents, and sister in court, we
withdrew from the file, and have left it to the
custodial parents of our children, to initiate
contact.

We continue to hope. 

Both mothers have self confessed to the court, of
maintaining a strong relationship with each other,
despite living three thousand Kilometers apart.  Both
have submitted allegations of abuse, via affidavit, in
two provinces, causing further alienation to my
families children.

In the interim, we have championed with two Federal,
Provincial (Ontario and Alberta) and two Territorial
Administrations, actively seeking the name of a
child-centered service that will intervene with the
possessive parenting approach, of the custodial
parents of our children, further the name of a
child-centered service that can identify where they
live, and finaly a referral for a Human Rights
lawyer. 

We remain frustrated beaten and left out in cold.

Today I have taken to hide in the Northwest
Territories
am a stay at home adult figure to two boys, age 14 and
nine, founding member of D.A.D.S. of the North, (Dads
After Divorce and Separation) stemming from
recommendation 41 of the Ralph and Gillian Hadley
inquest (Ontario 2001), am PLYWOODMAN stemming from
Father-4-Justice Canada, have faced three arrests, one
stayed, the two others under appeal, and plan to
return to two courts this spring, regarding the
outcomes of my families children.

I regret not having the capacity of seeing or speaking
with my first born son age fourteen in ten years,nor
seeing or speaking with my second born son age eight
in five years.

Yours Truly,

M. B.

Parental Alienation is Child Abuse. I have lived through it for more than 9 years. My daughter's father and his wife and family have attempted to sever bonds that a child needs in order to have a chance for a healthy development.

I chose not to marry him and yes, it was a pregnancy out of wedlock at the age of 32. This angered him and his family. Soon after he was introduced to his now wife. Since the age of 6 mos.. our daughter has been going back and forth between homes.

The real nightmare began in the courts at mediation. Although the mediator (promoted from a secretarial position, no degree) rolled her eyes at him several times, she came up with a schedule that was outlandish.  Once he knew he had some power, he went full force.

At the age of 7 I felt my daughter pulling away from me. We had a loving relationship despite the criticism until that age. I took her to a psychologist and she wanted to talk to her father. He refused. I then found out he and his family told my daughter that when she turns 13 she can live with them.

When a child thinks he or she will be pulled away from someone important in their life, they will begin to put up walls to protect them from the pain even though they do not realize that this is what they are doing. They will form an alliance with one parent and this is usually the parent badmouthing the other. It is the parent buying the child whatever he or she wants. It is the parent who rewards feedings from their child of often embellished stories about the other parent, even lies.

Everything the parent that is being criticized does is no good. I have been put down for taking her to the wrong dentist, allowing her to wear a coat to school when in the afternoon it was warm out, and getting a cold at pre-school. When I took her for hair cuts they would tell her it was crooked and she would not go with me anymore. They even changed medical doctors. Once, while going to school to be a teacher, I found time to make a costume. It was a felt butterfly. My daughter tried it on when her daddy came to the door and he commented that there was a little glue on the wing. When she came back from the visit, she refused to wear it.  I would buy her a new book bag for school, they would re-buy and mine would sit and collect dust. She would want to sign up for an event at school and when she came back she would not be interested no longer.

I would attend all of her school functions even when not my night with her. Once they told her that I was not there and did not care. She quizzed me about what she was wearing on stage. Another time they had her call me from their house after a school function and have her say that the principal of her school stopped her and asked why me and my fiance did not take our chairs back to the cafeteria. When I checked with the principal the next day about that, she said she did not say anything like that. During lunch she made it known to my daughter that she did not even see me there to prove to her that if her dad said she approached him, it was a lie.

Lie or no lie, a brainwashed kid will stick up for the parent known as the alienating parent. The target parent feels as though their hands are tied because they do not wish to treat their kids the way the alienating parent does. The alienating parent says they love the child and the child is most important, but turning a child from a parent is NOT love. The child is the center of their universe so they say but that is not necessarily good parenting. Teaching a child how to interact with the universe is good parenting. An alienating parent usually says a target parent is controlling, but I find that totally opposite. They have their mind and until they release it the child can not experience peace. They have the control of their well being. We must get through to alienating parents about the damage they are doing to their own flesh and blood.

Thank you,

C.C.

Today is Valentine's Day, and I just joined this support group. I am happily married for a second time in my life, but have had many, many, experiences with the subject of PARENTAL ALIENATION. I was married my first time for 20 years, and have 3 children from my first marriage. I have a daughter, who is a 27 year old that has graduated from a private college a few years ago and has a great career and we have a great relationship now. I also have 2 sons that are 21 and 23, who are in college yet. My 23 year old is graduating this Spring from college. My youngest son is a junior in college. My sons have lived 4 hours away from me, (with their father) since they were in Jr. High. It was a painful time in my life and still continues to be.

They lived with me 3 years after the divorce, but then their father wanted them to come live with him and he talked and talked them into it, while I was going thru some painful, painful times. I was left penniless and trying to make it on my own with 3 kids, so my ex-husband took advantage of my weakest moments, and talked my 2 sons into moving in with him. My ex-husband moved 4 hours away and married my 1st cousin, 1 year after our divorce. This was devastating to me, since he married my cousin, my best friend. She and my ex-husband were nasty to me. At first when these sons moved in with them, they said how it would be so easy for me to see them anytime, communicate whenever I wanted thru the telephone and etc. It ended up being a disaster. I would call to talk to my boys, and the answering machine would always be one to leave messages, and when I did go see them, which was an expense to drive 4 hours always, he would not meet me anywhere half- way or help out in anyway to bring them up here to stay with me. I paid child support and furnished health, dental, and eye care insurance to them and virtually had no rights. At one time, my ex-husband wanted me to give up my Parental Rights, which I would never do. I always went to their Parent-Teacher Conferences at the schools where they lived. Then I did find out what they were doing in school and how they were doing. When I did see them thru the years, it was only briefly on weekends. They did not want to spend time with me for very long at all. They never came and saw me the whole time thru their high school years. I went to their High School graduations but just watched the ceremony from a distance, and when they both were 18, they told me they wanted nothing more to do with me. I am sure their father told them they had to have contact with me until they were 18, then after that, that was it. It is heartwrenching, to say the least, as you all know.

My daughter has a great relationship with her brothers, but only sees them occasionally, because of the distance, and where she lives. None of them live near me. I have heard from my youngest son, just briefly thru the past several months. We have been e-mailing briefly. There has been a tiny, tiny break thru with him. But I have not had any communication with my eldest son, who is graduating from college this Spring. I have been to a therapist for a few years now, and before that I always talked to ministers and such. I have a wonderful, supportive husband, and a whole bunch of great friends and some supportive family, such as my brother who is probably my closest friend. He knows my aches and pains, just like my husband does. He told me he knew at Christmas time, that there was still a whole lot of hurt.

All I want is my 3 children together someday in my life, before I die. My daughter knows this but she can't change her brothers minds yet. Most everyone involved in my life thru the years have said my children have just been brainwashed so much. My ex-husband has not talked to his own mother and sister and brother for many years. So that pretty much sums it up. He has taught my sons to not have a relationship with their Mother. It is tough! Especially when my cousin's mom is my Aunt and her dad is my Uncle. They do not have anything to do with me, because of this marriage. Also, I have a sister I have not talked to in 8 years. She doesn't have anything to do with my brother and I. She is totally on my cousin's side of the fence. This is a deep wound, and I am trying to heal every day still, from this ordeal.

This experience I have had for the past several years has been something that I do not know if it will ever heal all the way. Thank you for listening to me, please, I need help still. P

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