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Letters from parents
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My story. I spent six years in and out of the family court system fighting for every other weekend and every other holiday with my daughter. Due to an abusive and hostile costodial parent, I have been completely stripped of any relationship with my daughter. The only time I did spend with her was under monitiored and supervised visits like I was some kind of criminal that could not be alone with a child. I was completely humiliated and demoralized by the courts, counselors, mediators, judge, attorneys, monitors, case manager, etc... Parental Aliention is not only real, it is predominate. After six years of complete alienation, frustration, humiliation, and complete exhaustion - financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually, I walked away from the court and the fight for my duaghter. They killed me, raped me, and left me on the roadside for dead. Sincerley alienated father. |
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My Story : your discription was true... i have had the most heartwrenching 18months of my life, and yes it is very much like the bereavement of a child. i know this pain as my first son died aged 3 months. four years after my son died i had a beutifull son number 2,then three years later i was blessed with son number 3. i love all my boys with all my heart and was happily married for 12 years,then the divorce. being a child of divorced parents i was well aware of the hurt and insecurities that came with that,so i asked my ex-husband to agree that we would not "bad mouth" each other in front of the children and that our boys would only ever have one mum and one dad..my ex-agreed. for 4 years all went as well as it could in a divorce, i encouraged the boys to see their dad at least 3 times a week and if they knocked him i would tell them that he was their dad and that he was doing all he could for them. needless to say the last 18 months have turned my life upside down. i always had a close relationship with my boys but due to hormones and my sons transition from boy to man,we had a disagreement and when i asked his dad to help difuse the situation, he resorted to telling my son he wanted him to live with him. my son was angry but i gave him the choice of which he chose to go with his dad,hard as it was to let him go i understood he needed his dad. a few weeks in he started to get angry, for no reason,then started to visit less and less, he made odd comments knocking me, but i shrugged this off as teen atitude. the first christmas i was told by my ex that my son would not be able to visit as he was too busy over christmas,he then sent a text on christmas day to say i could have him if i could collect him,,(i have no transport).i tried to reason and get my son to get a taxi down but his dad said no. needless to say this has gone on for the last year and the visits got less and less,i have been unable to see my son on his birthday either. i sent cards and each time i rebuilt the relationship to where my son was revisiting he would suddenly stop. the last few months he has started to call me by my first name and is calling his new stepmum mum. when i tried to remind my ex of our pledge he said in front of my son "well she makes a better mum than you." this is one of many hurtfull comments that i have had to endure, each time i asked my son why he was angry he would have no answer,but just said its easier when i dont visit you.life is calmer and there are no arguments. recently my second son has gone to live with his dad,and regretably history has repeated itself,he doesnt visit either. i have spent many sleepless tearfull nights over this time trying to think what i did wrong,until i went on a chatboard and saw P.A.S. it was like a light going on... and i would say there is no hurt worse than loosing your child, let alone loosing three... thank you for your information... i cannot do any more than hope now that in a few years my sons will realise what has happend and return.
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My Story : als moeder van een 2 jarig dochtertje heb ik ook te maken met oudervervreemding.Het is onbeschrijfelijk te vertellen hoe pijnlijk de afscheuring van datgene wat je het dierbaarst is kan zijn.Door een éénzijdige dwingende beslissing van mijn man zie ik haar nu slechts 1 dag om de 2 weken.Ik moet daar zelf dan nog eens 400km voor afleggen om ze af te halen en terug te brengen want ook dat werd mij opgelegd door mijn man.Voor de rest wordt ik volledig afgesloten van haar leefwereld en de toch belangrijke evolutie in haar jong leventje.Hoe is het mogelijk dat er niet sneller ingegrepen wordt in dergelijke situaties.Het belang van het kind primeert maar wanneer? Het is pijnlijk te zien hoe mijn klein meisje te kampen krijgt met verlatingsangst hoe ze tiert en roept als ik ze terug moet brengen.Een KORTgeding zoals men dat noemen wil werd ingeleid door oneerlijke praktijken van de tegenpartij tot 2 maal uitgesteld en nu wachten we reeds 2 weken zonder enig nieuws tot op heden.Voor mij heeft elk kind recht op een vader en een moeder want beiden geven toch andere waarden mee in het leven van een kind.Het is een misdaad een kind dit recht te ontnemen en het zijn niet enkel de vaders die het slachtoffer zijn.
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My Story : Beginning around 1993, married at that time for 11 years, 3 boys, ages 11, 9, 4 and half years. My husband and father to these wonders was melting fast. Our marriage seemed solid, honest, and unfortuneatly about to change course. We decided to move from Seattle WA, to a small town in Idaho. His mothers family came from there, I had come from Idaho, and agreed to this very big move to be able to give a less stressed environment to the kids, and to ourselves. Struggles were there, financially, but worst was the difficult adjustment of leaving my own family and coming to a close knitted religious farming community with a population around 9,000thousand people. I taught exercise/fitness classes part-time at the only athletic club in the town. My husband worked with construction related companites and soon decided he would like to have his own business. Late 1988 was our arrival, by 1992 he had the deal for his own company. 1991 i gave birth to our fourth child, a daughter. Responsibilities for us as a couple were high, and time for being a couple and family grew smaller. Our relationship drifted apart, by 1992 we found out our oldest son had been´molested by the next door neighbors oldest boy who was at that time 14. Charges were filed, and counseling sought out for what had already happened. By summer we moved from the town to 2 miles out to try for another emotional break. The business grew also, and soon, we were just a family looking pretty ok from the outside but drifting apart. 1993 summer I took the kids to Seattle to visit my mom and family. Our difficulties with eachother as partners, parents, was discussed, and no solutions could be found. I wanted out of the life we had made there, I voiced my concerns, and nothing was really ever being heard. He also started seeing other women, (secretly) and an old affairs truth surfaced which sent the love and respect I had for him, into space. Our communication "died", i began taking anxiety medicine, and finally after months of struggling with depression, I demanded a divorce. We agreed joint shared custody, I didnt want a battle or to separate the kids. So we verbally agreed that the business would not be split, and the court fees to not be extended or wasted in the mud. I moved from our home, signed the papers, and naively thought this person I had married would stand on what we both agreed upon. The beginning of the end, I walked away with no money, no custody, but thought I was saving my children from unnecessary arguments and stress. He had full power, and ´stupidly I let my parental rights slip away. From seeing the children as a stay home mom to only everyother weekend, and sometimes´a moment in between. My ex already seeing another woman. 3 months after the divorce i took a trip to Europe, Norway and Denmark, to get away , and meet my mothers side of the family in there homeland. My journey took me to a land and place where i felt some hope and relief for myself and situation. I returned to find my ex even more defiant and controlling, so decided to get away again for 3 months to Denmark where i had met many wonderful people and had made friends. I met and married a danish man a year later. My visitation rights were to have the kids all summer and everyother weekend, no child support was requested from me until i could establish myself with a home and steady job. For 6 years, my life came to being in the USA for 3 months back to DK for 3 months and back to the states. My mother moved from Seattle to Idaho and was my resident rock, and stability for that time. Her sacrifice is and was unbelievingly amazing. Then my ex filed papers with child support, and I was subpeoned, i went to court and could only agree to pay support after getting back to DK and finding fulltime work. That didnt happen, but i did manage to find part time work, and was able to send money for a year. 2001 i visited my kids for that summer and had a mental breakdown. Hospitalized, and then returned to Denmark. 2002 Jan, my oldest son committed suicide. I have always tried to maintain communication with the kids, and never got support from there father about a thing, only the harsh words he pricked into there ears... If she cared about you she wouldnt have moved to the other side of the world. He still uses it, The pieces of my life are scattered, my emotional strength shattered from the death of our oldest son. I have been back in 2003 and 2006 but time apart and too many misunderstandings have left me weak, and too vulnerable to really face anything, I lost, I hate what i let happen, I dont know where I can "fix" anything, and consequently have sort of given up. My heart will hurt forever, and I really dont want this to be the end.
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My Story : It's all quite simple. I live in the Tampa Bay Area of Florida. Florida is one of those no-fault divorce states. My wife, a stay-at-home-mom/part-time-worker/part-time-student, got some bug that she wanted a divorce from me. We've got 2 boys, ages 15 and 11. Since she's got virtually no financial equity in the 17 years that we've been married, she bad mouthed me to the kids. My older son said "Mom says divorce is OK if you're divorcing someone who is not Christian." My younger son demanded of me "Give me back my trust fund NOW!". I of course told him that I put his money in a safe place. I've gotten caught in the trap of arguing with my sons when their mother's words were coming out of their mouths. When my wife wasn't getting what she wanted she set me up for failure and I was removed by a domestic violence injunction, where she sites events that she was not a witness to and the kids were pumped up. I haven't seen my sons since March 21, 2007 (almost 2 months) and a major part of the problem is the court system, that they should entertain such nonsense, which translates to PAS, which translates to child abuse. My wife knows what she is doing, but she doesn't care about the kids. I, of course, can not have any contact with the kids, because of the DVI. And so the alienation continues. Do they miss me? Do they love me? Are they hurt? Are they sad? Have the become totally void of feelings? I wish I could hold them and tell them how much I miss them and love them, but the courts won't allow it. My wife has practiced some other forms of child abuse that I am getting to the bottom of. My younger son, does NOT have the peanut allergy that she's lead everyone to believe. Since I started digging into this, she's been very active in her alienation practices. My older son, was DIAGNOSED with ADD. Apparently, he doesn't have it. Although, thanks to her, he has spent half of his life on Ritalin. Again, she hates that I am a problem solver, and so she has the kids believing that I am an evil father. It was me, that took the boys camping in cub scouts. It was me, that took them fishing. It was me that showed them how to use hand tools and took them bike riding. Not my wife. It's true that my wife and I have problems, but she brought the kids into the battle as her shield. One day they'll know the truth.
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My Story : The voice mail Alec Baldwin left his daughter, Ireland midway in April 2007 has brought attention of parental alienation to the media. I'm not going to quote any of the message. It has circulated amply through the media. I want to use this story to point out the tactics and behaviors of a parent who alienates the other parent from their children. The frustration and behaviors of the parent who is alienated might display, and the assistance of Family Court in enabling this horrendous act that is a great injustice to a parent child relationship. Also, the responsibility and conduct all parties should manifest concerning the child's mental, physical, and emotional well-being. This includes family member, friends, attorneys, and officers of the court. Furthermore, some of the characteristics and behaviors of a child caught in this dilemma may demonstrate. The raging voice mail Alec left his daughter is upsetting to listen to and inappropriate. I do not excuse the belittling message he delivered. I do understand the frustration and the emotional pain that he is enduring that may have blown out the pressure valve of his anger and how someone in this situation may displace this hostility. With deep regret, I have lost my cool in similar fashion and left a voice message of my own for my daughters that ended up addressing my ex-wife with unpleasant verbalization and earsplitting vocalization. Calling my daughters at the appropriate time I was allowed to contact them which was set by a judge in Family Court. The first attempt provided no answer. Fifteen minutes later, the same result. A half hour later the other end picked up the phone with an abrasive, "They're not here, and they don't want to talk to you!" Then not so softly, my ex-wife hung up the receiver. Redialing the number, to find out when they would be available to talk and let them know I love them and to touch base on how they are doing the ex-wife lashed out, "You're not going to talk to or see them ever again! Get it through you head! You are never ever going to see them again, I'll see to it!" Before I could get a word in edge wise, she slammed the phone down. She ignited the fuse. Believing I calmed down sufficiently, I called back about ten minutes later aware the answering machine would engage. I began by telling my daughters I love them and wished they where home to talk to them. As I continued to convey my message, I could feel the lit fuse advancing to detonation. Within milliseconds, the rage exploded and I was giving their mom a piece of my mind, I bemoan it was the shrapnel of irrationality. When I hung up the receiver, I cursed myself for being stupid, stupid, stupid. Laminating over my behavior I displayed and the situation of being restricted from my precious girls. I now hoped they do not hear this recording of this raving man. I normally do not lose my composer so easily. Compounding the bewilderment, I just gave the alienator the ammunition to further distance our children from me, with the assistance of the Family Court judge. Being subject to parental alienation, I can easily see how one my react and how the alienator can and often will use such a taped recording to advance their campaign to eliminate the other parent from any meaningful relationship with there children. At the same time deflecting attention from themselves and their vindictiveness by putting focus on the alienated conduct who has been constantly provoked by the opposing party which lead up to the outburst. For the self righteous people who can't get passed the voice mail Alec left his daughter, Ireland. Who condemn him and have not experience parental alienation. I ask you to open your mind, think of a time, and a situation when you where not in the best of moods. Put yourself in that place when someone intentionally pestered you. You politely ask them to stop; but they continue. You firmly ask them to stop again; but they maintain the poking at your nerves. This time you harshly demand them to cut it out; but they intensify the aggravation. Finally, you blow up and start ranting and cursing due to the fact, they will not leave you in peace. Now, image how much more intense it is when it involves the relationship with someone you love and means the world to you, like your children. The parents must display courtesy amongst themselves. Regardless of any ill feelings, they may have toward one another. Keeping in mind how you interrelate will have an effect, either positively or negatively on their child's development. Make the right and rational decision to add value to your precious children's upbringing. Furthermore, they should encourage the interaction and development of the relationship between the child and both parents. A practical parenting plan should be in place. Neither parent ought to interfere with the other parent's priceless time they have with their beloved children. Open communication dealing with the children's schooling, activities, medical information, interest, events, who they socialize with, and any changes that may occur, divulged, when appropriately warranted. Refrain from speaking ill of each other to or in front of your children; be civil. Any irrational demeaning games; such as, pushing those buttons, being hurtful, degrading, humiliating; or flat out implementing physical, mental, emotional, or financial abusive misery must be abolished. Spitefulness places your children in an awkward position of believing they must show allegiance toward one parent over the other who is not present. Imagine the dilemma they must go through when both parents are at hand. The affect of this vainness may cause your children to withdraw concealing their internal well-being from both of you, hampering your ability to mentally and emotionally support them. Give your precious CHILDREN the opportunity to be proud of you for being rational, stable, responsible, and loving parents. Add value to their lives. Celebrate and cherish the time you have with them. Create happy memories for them to draw from. All the while giving them your over flowing LOVE. Show your children you are the best PARENTS in the world.
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My Story : My husband has custody of his two minor children and his ex has resonable visitation. In the begining she had the children half of the time but for the past 2 1/2 years she recieves every other weekend and she changed that. When my husband and I moved in together, she called child protective services on us claiming abuse(which was dropped because there was none), she repeatedly told the oldest child she will be coming to live with her soon. If we take the children somewhere special (ex. Chuckie cheese, which we can not afford on a regular basis) the very next weekend she will do the same. If the children tell her of special plans before we are able to take them she will do the same. It always seems she will try to one up us if she can which we will not play that game. The children have come home a sayed that mom calls their dad lazy and that he does not take care of them because he is always playing video games. My step son came home and called me fat because that is what him mom said. My step daughter also informed us that her dad needed to pay his ex for babysitting. There are numerous other things that are said. The children are 6 and 8 now and sometimes they tell us they want to go live with mom because they are allowed to watch t.v and play video games as long as they want and they pretty much get what ever they want. The one thing that is becoming more obvious is how the ex is now showing a big difference between the daughter and son. I really don't know if this would be considered parent alienation since my husband has custody but this is a problem that custodial parents often face.
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My Story : My babys mother always starts conflict with me on the phone , with the phone set on speakerphone for my 3 yr old daughter to hear. She witnesses the fights and often says " mommy, father" ,.." mommy is mad at you". It's heartbraking. Her mother lives in Savanahh, Georgia with her husband who is also very rude, condescending, immature and hateful towards me. I am so broken down and emotionally abused/drained from all of this, I just want it to stop. Please feel free to publish this for the purpose of bonding with other parents who are going through the same struggle. Keep your head up, God bless.
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My Story : In short, My ex and I divourced. My daughter and I were really close. Did everything together. Football games, sporting events. (The ex did not like to do anything social) Now that were divourced everytime something comes up (back taxes etc) she keeps me from talking with her. We talked about splitting up the easter holiday. She was in a bad mood and only let me have her one extra day then what I normally get. I get my daughter every other week end Friday night at 6 and then have to return her 6 on Sunday. And then a schedule that my ex put together for summers. My daughter is 14 and wanted to live with me since day one. But I was scared of my ex. So I didn't fight. Yes I was scared of her. She does drink. (She told my daughter one night to take the phone because she didn't want to call anyone while drunk.) When she gets mad about something she cuses me out and makes it so I can't talk to my daughter when there's a rift between us. My question is this, Can I get someone court ordered while she's with me to talk with my daughter and work it out? I've tried in the past to talk to my ex and all that happens is explicit words etc etc. nasty emails, nasty letters, text messeges to my fiance. I just need someone in between. I have NEVER sent anything nasty to her. Now that I've refused to listen she claims that she's tried to talk with me and sends me messeges etc. We could.nt communicate while married and I knew we wouldn't be able to now.
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My husband and I see the effects of parental alienation all the time with his daughters (my step-daughters). He is the father that the courts refuse to see - the father that tries to talk to his daughters (ages 6 and 9) every day. The father that faithfully pays his child support on time twice a month. The father that goes to his daughters parent teacher conferences, field trips and school performances. The father that prays for his family every night, as well as reading the scriptures and praying with his daughters when they are home with us.
His ex-wife ignores the phone calls, tells him that the girls are already asleep or won't even tell him where they are. She had the girls pinky promise to never love me (the new step-mom) and never call me any form of Mom. She doesn't tell him about our oldest daughters medical appointments, or tells him a day in advance when he can't get time off of work. (Our oldest is disabled). Even though they have joint legal custody, this means nothing when the girls tell us how their mother leaves them alone all night long and they aren't supposed to tell us anything that happens in their home or they will lose dessert and television. (Essentials to children who are six and nine!)
While in her care, she left them in the hands of a teenager who left the home, leaving our sweet daughters to be sexually abused by the babysitters' teenage brothers. My husband contacted social services who told him that the boys probably would not be convicted. The ex-wife did not tell him about the sexual abuse - my husband found out by the mother of the abusers eight days after it occurred. We brought his ex to court for contempt, and even though she was found in contempt, we were told (quote unquote by the Judge presiding) "you can not expect to have the same relationship with your daughters that you did when you were married. She (the ex-wife) needs her privacy and you may only call the girls twice a week during an hour time slot." Even in a contempt hearing, my husband was told that he could not have a close relationship with his daughters, and now, contact them even less.
Parental alienation is real. It is all around us. To rise above it and allow your children to love and have affection for both parents without letting your feelings get in the middle is a hard thing to do, but it is essential for the well being of your children. When will parents start acting like parents instead of spoiled, selfish brats?
Our story is probably not that unique - but it is what we are living. We have filed papers to obtain full custody of our daughters and give them a stable, loving, clean and caring home; but even our attorney told us that this probably won't happen because the judge is bias toward women having custody of the children except when drugs are involved. Quite literally, she is going to have to have the girls in the car and be arrested for DWI and being high on drugs before we can help our daughters.
What can we do when the "system" seems to not see the situation for what it is? We like to think that things will change. There's a saying....work like it all depends on you, and pray like it all depends on God. So far, this is what we're doing.
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My Story : My children have been affected by this behavior for years. I have refused to fight over my children. I have been taunted by divorce court staff, told to leave by legal aid after asking what my rights were.
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My Story : This is the story of my 15 year old step-daughter. She has been mentally and emotionally abused from the day the "family" courts ruled her mother as the "fit and moral" parent. For years she has been told by her mother that she "couldn't go on without her" if she decided to live with her father. She has fought for 2 years AGAINST letting her daughter spend more time with her father. She has been sending my step-daughter to psychotherapy with a social worker who ignores FDA warnings by recommending Zoloft for an adolescent while also ignoring the recommendations of her peers (actually REAL psychologists) that children of divorce/seperation be encouraged to spend as much time as possible with their father. Aparently this child, who has been mentally abused her entire life is being led to believe that SHE can make the decision when she goes to see the father that she has been trained to hate. Her mother claims that she is "afraid" of her ex-husband - who has NEVER been accused of any type of physical abuse by anyone while constantly antagonizing him. Any intelligent and rational person - includiong a social worker who has NEVER met the child's father - would see through her mother's lies. In the mean time, the damage continues to spread like a cancer and my fear is soon my husband will lose all contact with his oldest daughter. For this I would like to thank the "family Courts for their ineptitude by creating the "abscent parent" in an effort to maximize their Title IVD Federal funding and not "the best interest of the child". I would also like to thank the "funk scientists" who would rather resord to "chemical parenting" over encouraging a loving relationship with BOTH parents and finally the Family Laywer industry who - through their own greed continue to fuel this epidemic by continueing the war between parents for their own financial well being. Until the general public is aware of this problem, we will continue to see the decay of society as a whole as well as millions of dysfunctional adults in the future.
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My husband and I see the effects of parental alienation all the time with his daughters (my step-daughters). He is the father that the courts refuse to see - the father that tries to talk to his daughters (ages 6 and 9) every day. The father that faithfully pays his child support on time twice a month. The father that goes to his daughters parent teacher conferences, field trips and school performances. The father that prays for his family every night, as well as reading the scriptures and praying with his daughters when they are home with us.
His ex-wife ignores the phone calls, tells him that the girls are already asleep or won't even tell him where they are. She had the girls pinky promise to never love me (the new step-mom) and never call me any form of Mom. She doesn't tell him about our oldest daughters medical appointments, or tells him a day in advance when he can't get time off of work. (Our oldest is disabled). Even though they have joint legal custody, this means nothing when the girls tell us how their mother leaves them alone all night long and they aren't supposed to tell us anything that happens in their home or they will lose dessert and television. (Essentials to children who are six and nine!)
While in her care, she left them in the hands of a teenager who left the home, leaving our sweet daughters to be sexually abused by the babysitters' teenage brothers. My husband contacted social services who told him that the boys probably would not be convicted. The ex-wife did not tell him about the sexual abuse - my husband found out by the mother of the abusers eight days after it occurred. We brought his ex to court for contempt, and even though she was found in contempt, we were told (quote unquote by the Judge presiding) "you can not expect to have the same relationship with your daughters that you did when you were married. She (the ex-wife) needs her privacy and you may only call the girls twice a week during an hour time slot." Even in a contempt hearing, my husband was told that he could not have a close relationship with his daughters, and now, contact them even less.
Parental alienation is real. It is all around us. To rise above it and allow your children to love and have affection for both parents without letting your feelings get in the middle is a hard thing to do, but it is essential for the well being of your children. When will parents start acting like parents instead of spoiled, selfish brats?
Our story is probably not that unique - but it is what we are living. We have filed papers to obtain full custody of our daughters and give them a stable, loving, clean and caring home; but even our attorney told us that this probably won't happen because the judge is bias toward women having custody of the children except when drugs are involved. Quite literally, she is going to have to have the girls in the car and be arrested for DWI and being high on drugs before we can help our daughters.
What can we do when the "system" seems to not see the situation for what it is? We like to think that things will change. There's a saying....work like it all depends on you, and pray like it all depends on God. So far, this is what we're doing.
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My Story : I was married to a man for almost 8 years. We divorced and I took the kids and moved to California where my family was. In 1987 my ex came and got my kids by mutual agreement that he would return them in May as I was having some health problems. He did not return them. He was married again and his new wife told the kids I got killed in a car accident. I called often to talk to my kids and was told they were not there. Everytime I went for visitation they would not let me have my kids by myself. I have tried to build a relationship with my children but to no avail. When I would call to say I was coming down for visitation I was told my kids would not be there and I did not know where they were. My kids are grown and married now. But I don't know how to bridge the gap and get to know them after all the lies and damage has been done. Hopefully someone can help me. My oldest daughter hates me. I have not been able to talk to my youngest daughter. I sent a Chirstmas card and my ex-husband's new wife wrote me and told me I abandoned my kids and that is just not true. I have been alienated by my kids thanks to my ex-husband and his wives. I just wish I can talk to my children by myself without interuption to tell my side of the story. The lies that were told about me to my kids would just freak out most people. But I am just trying to find my children and build a new relationship with them and hope someday that someone can help me. Thank you
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My Story : I was married for 22 years. My relationship with my ex was up and down, we were never on the same page. Except for one thing, our two girls. We wanted the best for them so we always encouraged them to be respectful of us. Such as go tell you father thank you, or go help your mother she does a lot for you. You get the idea. Well, about 2 years ago my girls 15 and 21 at the time caught their mother having an affair with a builder whom she sold homes for. That year during her affair I couldnt tell what was up or down my ex's behavior was confusing. She wanted a divorce and got one. My girls told me about the affair after the divorce. They kept it secret for 9 months. My relationship with my girls was fine until I started dating a wonderful woman. My ex told the girls that I had been having an affair with her during our marriage. So somehow I am the bad guy responsible for every thing that went wrong or is wrong. My younger daughter uses words like I dont have to listen to you. The older daughter has completely disowned me. They both have. They had a loving relationship with me until their mother started with her sick stuff. I cant believe a parent can have so much power. I'm supposed to have every other weekend with my daughter but her mother says she doesnt have to. I was told going to court to enforce the agreement would be a waste of time and money, because a judge will listen to what the child wants. Sure I wouldnt want to be with my dad if he were the creep their mother is making me out to be. I'm lost! P.S. My ex always threatened me during the divorce that she will make it so I never see my youngest daughter again. In fact she used my girls as tools throughout our marriage. She knows how much I love them.
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My Story : My story involves physical abuse - spiritual abuse - mental and emotional abuse - fraud - parental alienation abuse of system and extreem hostility . The biggest problem I have is the California system .They take the womans side without giving the father a break . I was married to my wife for 18 years . We had our problems but were seeking counseling but the biggest problem was my than wife wanted out to commit adultry . The church believed her than made up stories of sex addiction even though my new wife now will tell you I am the farthest thing from it .She destroyed my ministry and reputation . I took therapy to try and keep the marriage together and had just gone through a bout of valley fever which caused me to loose weight and become extremly vunerable . My than wife would phsically hit me requiring stitchs at the hospital and verbally and mentally abuse me .She than decided that she wanted out of the marriage .She kicked me out . She took the house I left with the shirt on my back .She committed welfare fraud and than went to child support and involved them even though I was giving her and the children money . Even though she was getting remarried and we had verbally agreed to no spousal support they granted her that . She fruaduantly used my credit card after she was married running it up .( she didn't have a card she faudulantly obtained it ) She violated our divorce agreement by not allowing me to see the kids esp my youngest daughter who she has alienated from me . All this time I was forced to make payments .And when I got behind she had them take my license away I missed 3 months because of financial circumstances .She claims I owe her 20,000. dollars ( she made the figure up ) they took 21,000. dollrs from me from a WCB settlment and she says I still owe her 20,000. I have bad knees that dibilatate me ( arthritis ) and they still believe her and won't give me a break . I can't see my daughter and now I have moved to Canada as I am married to a Canadian woman , I am waiting for a green card . They will not amend my court order .I have sold everything and my wife who is on a limited disability pension is paying it for me .If we don't pay I go to jail . After paying we don't have any money left over .( for food ) My ex wife is inheriting over $200,000. from the death of her parents and is remarried they both have good jobs , It would be differant if I was allowed to see my daughter but she won't allow it .She always interfers . My daughter has been reported to childservices because my ex phsically abuses her and emotionlly abuses her and they do nothing .I am poor and cannot aford a lawyer ,I have phoneed to try and ammend the order but they do nothing because they want me back in the country , I have been denied my passport because of this suppoed money I owe her even though they won't give me a list of what it is for .I finally got my license back they took it away quickly but it took 5 months to get it back after I qualified for it .She sold the house and kept all the money close to 200,000. dollars and kept all of our savings and my tools and furniture . I have gotten nothing and have even lost my children 4 ( some have grown now and I am pursueing realationships with them ). They are all damaged from this .It has damaged me the worst because I have been abused and instead of helping me they keep on allowing her to perpetuate the abuse . female abusers in this country get away with it because it is hard for men to report it .I should have charged her and got the children but it was to hard on my ego than . I live with nonstop regret . Thankyou
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My Story : My husband's ex-wife took the child (about 2 years old) and moved to Texas after their divorce. A few days later she married the man that she cheated on my husband with. Whenever my husband called to talk to his daughter, the mother would tell her that he was on the phone, but would call him by his first name, but when she refered to the step-father to their daughter, she would call him "daddy". Since they never went to court to establish custody, visitation, or support my husband would send money as often as he could for as much as he could, as they had agreed to. Once, when they argued over the phone, the mother told the child that her father was a piece of sh*t. My husband said that he could hear his daughter cry in the background. After we met, while we were living together, I remember one instance where he had wired her money, but she hadn't received it yet. We were due to drive to Texas to pick up his daughter and bring her back to Arizona with us, but since she hadn't received the money yet, she told him not to come pick up their daughter. The next day, when she got the money, we were given the green light. After a few years, since there were other instances in which they argued over the phone and as she constantly denied him visitation, he made the decision to step out of their daughter's life to keep her safe from the constant battles. After all, as he put it, she called someone else "daddy". He was just a guy she talked to on the phone with sometimes. So he stopped all communication with them. After almost 2 years, he gets a letter from his ex-wife telling him that their daughter needs him and that she would step back and allow more visitation. He agreed to come back into her life only to be back in the same boat. She later files for child support, they go to court, and we go into debt. But still nothing was done about custody/visitation. This was about 4 years ago. Last year, their daughter came to visit with us for a month, which was by far the longest time we've ever had her (and a battle and a half to make happen). She bawled at the end of her vacation because she didn't want to go home. She was comforted with the idea that she would return for Christmas. The next day, my husband gets an earful from his ex over the phone. Apparently, their daughter told her mom that she wanted to live with us. According to what his daughter told us when she returned for Christmas, her mother yelled at her for wanting to live here, then cried! I was very sad at what I was hearing and seeing. The poor child wouldn't even look at us when she said that! This year we are going through yet another battle to see her again this summer. Their daughter is having trouble in school and if she has to go to summer school, it'll be in June. Her mother informed my husband that they already had plans with her for the month of July. Then in August she returns to school. So in other words, zero time with us for the year until Christmas time...maybe. It's very frustrating and as much as my husband wants to protect her from the ugliness, he's coming to the sad realization that no matter what he does, his daughter is going to be affected.
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My Story : To B,B, and C in AK, I won't use names here for fear of the consequences but you know who you are, if you see this. Rest assured that one day, you and I will sit down and talk about this but I can tell you that what I'm writing here is true. Fortunately 2 of you have the objectivity to have kept your minds open to our situation but your sister cannot. I haven't spoken with her in 7 months and that is a direct result of what this website is all about--your mother's alienation against me. It started shortly after we separated, when I didn't see you for 11 months. Every time I called, the phone wasn't answered and every time I was supposed to see you, you were "out of town" suddenly, even though plans had been made. What your mother doesn't know is that I had ways of knowing that you were in town. It wasn't until S and I followed your mother into a parking lot that things changed. The parking lot was in front of her squadron and when I confronted her, she threatened me with "Well let's go talk to my commander". S piped up and said "Let's go!". So we went into her commander's office and he ordered her (even though it wasn't in his jurisdiction to do so) to start letting me see you. So for the rest of the time in AK, we were able to see each other. In the meantime, a nasty divorce and child custody case was taking place. I was accused of abusing you, drinking too much, doing drugs, you name it. All the while, I was getting word sent back to me of your mother's adulterous ways. I even talked to about 4 of the guys she was named to have been with and collected affadavits from them. Of course those didn't do any good in court but they painted a picture for me that I just couldn't believe. Later I found out that it had started before we even went to AK. It's amazing what people will tell you later, when they feel that they don't have to hold back anymore. I was also in touch with your step-dad's ex-wife and along with her I was able to put together any missing details and a time line of events, all of which I still have to this day. I'm not sure why, but my 1st sergeant recommended a worthless lawyer who didn't even have the balls to stand up in front of a judge and fight to keep my name on your mutual funds, the last gasp I had to ensure that you were going to be taken care of. I got absolutely nothing from that lawyer and after $7200.00, I dropped everything and your mother got custody. Shortly after that I filed for bankruptcy and was sent to OK. This started another chapter in the book of visitation denial. And I'm sure this is where a lot of your questions probably come from. The truth is, I was wanting to come see you in AK and every time I tried to set something up, your mother denied me visitation. In fact, when I saw you in the Roanoke airport for 2 hours, she had originally said NO to that. After that, I wasn't being informed of when you were taking trips to the lower 48 and I've always wondered if she told you guys not to tell me or if she was timing telling you about the trips so that you couldn't tell me before you left. So after so long, knowing where things stood, I gave up asking to see you. Why didn't I go to court over it? For 2 reasons: I was convinced nothing would ever happen and 2) for the first 10 months CSED never tracked the money I was sending so I was automatically in arrears for 7200.00 right out of the gate. My feeling was that if I stirred the pot, that would be used against me, resulting possibly in jail time. That was my fear anyway. Your mother is and has always been ruthless and so I've learned not to rock the boat. Not to mention, I've never been able to afford to sink money into another lawyer, at some point I've got to think about my current family too. I want to thank you for all the emails behind your mother's back and for the Father's Day card I got one year, the only card I've ever received. Also-B, when I told you I would come to see you at Christmas in 1999, your mother denied that, for the record. I often wonder if that's affected you to the point that we're not talking now. I look forward to the day 2 years from now that I'm done with child support and don't have that legal cloud hanging over my head anymore. I will then start over with you guys if you'll let me. This has been a terribly tortuous road but I made up my mind long ago that your mother wasn't going to rip the life out of me. All things considered, I'm thankful for the relationships we've been able to maintain, I think it says alot about the 3 of you and I'm proud of all of you.
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My Story : i wrote here a few days ago about my husbands ex, and have been reading the stories on here and i must say it is very sad. i also did not realize that not acknowledging a parents birthday, fathers day and other holidays was also alienation!! my husbands ex never once got so much as a card for their father, hell he would have just liked a phone call, so now i will text message the oldest and remind him, and i can tell that it bothers him that his mother never did this. most of the time he will visit and if we go shopping he will then pick up something for his dad. or i have also spoke with him and bought something myself for them to give their dad. i swear why can't the other parent see this does nothing but hurt the child? if you ask me it is a very immature thing to do. i myself have 2 boys grown now but i never would have kept them from their father!!! i would have rather he saw them than pay child support, the money was not as important to me as their relationship with their dad ! that was all that matter. i will be praying for you all on here and keep fighting !!!!!!!!!! don't give up in the end the children will eventually see what the other parent has done and will turn of the one doing the alienating !!! good luck kathy
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My Story : I fell in love with my husband in great part because of the love that I saw and felt that he has for his children. Over the 5 years that we have been together (4 as husband and wife), I have watched that loving father become a shell of the former man that he once was because of the constant battle he has had to endure due to the parental alienation of his ex-wife. I have watched him break down time and again as he has struggled to keep contact with his children, as he has tried to "be the better person" by not dragging his children into the fights or talking negatively about the children's mother in front of them, only to have her do the total opposite. I have witnessed first-hand her screaming, cursing, accusing, belittling, and every other nasty, vengeful, hateful thing that could possibly be done to him, acted out in front of the children and her even enlisting the support of her mother to do so as well. The times that she has denied him his rights to see the kids even though the courts have ordered her to do so, the times that she has called to try and bribe the kids with trips to the mall/zoo/etc... if they will come home early from their visit with their father. The times that she has promised the children to take them on extravagant vacations during the holidays that he is scheduled to have them, and then when he tells her that he has the right to have the kids, watch her turn to the kids and tell them that they can't go because "their father won't let them." She has made accusations that he loves my daughter (his step-daughter) more than his own children and does things for her that he won't do for them in front of us to the children when the REAL situation is that we can't afford to do for ANY of the children due to medical expenses, loss of employment or whatever. And through all of this, he has tried to be the "better parent;" to not drag the children into the middle of it. But he cannot take it anymore. He sees that any form of loyalty to him or this side of the family causes the children to be hurt because their mother considers is a betrayal to her. He has tried to work with her, has tried to resolve issues through the courts, mediation and even has offered to pay for family counseling, but his ex-wife will not cooperate. All of the "agreements" that were made by her during the court-ordered mediation have been broken. She refuses to participate or allow the children to participate in therapy or counseling of any kind. She has flat-out told him that she does not HAVE to cooperate with him because even though they share joint parental custody, she has physical custody and can do anything she wants. She has even refused to allow for him to take the children on our 1st family vacation in 5 years, even though the children both want to go. His oldest child is being treated for ulcers from all of the turmoil and has told us that she can't talk to her mother or tell her mother that she wants to see her father or do things with her father because her mother will get mad at her. His ex has made the boast many times to many people that she was going to make my husband's life a living Hell and make him wish that he had never been born. She has succeeded. For the sake of the children, my husband has talked with an attorney and has started the steps it will take to terminate his parental rights with his children. After MUCH prayer and discussion with councilors, clergy, friends, etc.... he has come to the realization that his ex-wife will never change, and that the ONLY hope for those children to have a relatively peaceful life is for him to step out of their lives until such time that they are grown and can search him out for themselves. This has killed the spirit of a wonderful man and has made our life a living Hell for long enough. It is time for him to let go, but it should have NEVER come to this!!!!!!!!!! When is this type of action going to be seen as the abuse that it is???!!!! When are these parents that are doing this to these innocent young ones going to be help responsible for their actions??!! I know that there are times that children need to be protected from abusive parents, my own daughter had to be protected from a father that molested her, but there are many more men like my husband who are just trying to do their best to love their children and can't because of the actions of the other parent. Who is going to finally stand up for them?? When will this madness stop??? Divorce does NOT have to end up with children that are scarred beyond repair, but the sad fact is, unless there are changes in the laws to make this form of child abuse an offense punishable by the courts, it is never going to stop and we are going to end up with a whole generation of children who do not know what it is to be loved by both parents. Children who will not have any kind of example to learn from so that when they have children of their own they know how to love and show such love to their own children.
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My Story : You asked me to refrain from anger. This will be a damn tall order. Nevertheless I will do my best to oblige. I have 3 beautiful children ages 14, 12 and 9, respectively. I have not been allowed to see them since getting off active duty. Only saw them three or four times before I got shipped off to active duty. This has been an ongoing thing for the last three to four years. My flesh and blood has slowly been torn from me. Reading many of your letters reduced me to tears. I totally understand what you're going through, as you see I've been there myself. The only difference is that my children are with so-called "Guardians". It is these people that are doing the alienating. Fortunately I have a wonderful judge who saw thru these people's attempts to cast me as "insane" and he ordered visitation. Unsupervised. Do they honor this court order? NO. Even before I went active duty the kids said they had to be back by a certain time, and the boy's watch was set 20 minutes early. These beautiful kids who used to smile and wave now shrink at the sight of me. I cannot even get them into my Reserve Center to sign them up for the Navy's health care plan! I go to the male guardians Myspace and guess what? HE CLAIMS THOSE KIDS ARE HIS! People, I share your frustration and at times your utter bewilderment and draining of will but where there is a will there is a way. I will again have my day in court here real soon and I will be fully armed with knowledge and facts this time around. Whether or not i can get this guardianship terminated, I cannot say but if I do succeed I know the toughest part will be overcoming the incredible damage inflicted here. Who knows what in hell they told the kids... To my kids: I love you. My door is always open to you no matter how badly you say you hate me. I will literally fight to the death for you. God help me! I want you back so much and for what it's worth I am sorry. Sorry for letting this happen as long as I did. I love you so much and I want you back. You are my heart. Without you I have no heart just an empty shell. Please the rest of you wish me luck and keep me in your prayers you are always in mine.
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My Story : I have not seen my daughter in six years (she was three and she turns 9 todsy). My daughter used to say, "momma says you're bad". My ex has turned my family against me and has called the police on me for no reason. I miss my daughter very much. Neither my own family (who sees my daughter regularly) nor my ex wife will allow me to have any phone or other contact with my daughter. This situation is very painful.
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My Story : My husband's ex-wife practices parental alienation on a regular basis. She tells the judge that they are scared of their dad and don't want to be with him. While they are here, they are happy. We never talk about their mother for fear that it might hurt them. On the other hand, she continually makes them feel guilty about having fun when they are here and has succeeded in making them hate me also. When they are here, she calls everyday. When they get off the phone, they are sad and sometimes cry. I can only assume she made them feel bad for enjoying quality time with their father. She has recently obtained supervised visitation through such events of her practice of parental alienation. She has not let him see the children for over an month and won't for another month. He cannot afford a lawyer, so he represents himself and loses. He is sad. He misses his children. He takes his anger out on the ones closest for now. There is nothing we can do. She plays the victim for nothing and blames him for divorcing her and now forces the children to hate him in her presence. It is very depressing that men have no rights.
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My Story : I am A mother of 4 children 2 from a previous marriage, My ex left me for a much younger girl. I moved over 2500 miles away from my ex to get a better life and that is when all of this starter I have not had a real visit with my two boys for more then 3 years My ex says that the children are better off with out me in there life. I love and miss my children very much. I break down and cry every time that I hear someone mention them or ask me about them.I don't have the money for court cost. So my ex has taken advantage of that. It is very painful for the children and they dont ask to e-mail me or anything about me, anytime that they do there step mother says that I am worthless and uses language that I cannot repeat. I can understand why parents break down. I have two other small children and my youngest pretends to play with my older two boys. He holds there pictures and askes me why can't I see my brothers. I dont know what to say to him so I tell him soon it is the only thing that can come out of my mouth. as I sit here crying not only for me and my family but for all the children out there who can not have A loving relationship with there non custodial parent I think to my self What could I have done different. I ask WHY do people act like this and use there children as A pawn in there game to hurt the other parent. I am not the only one that he is hurting but all of my children hurt.I wonder why the law can allow this to happen to our children. I mean that they are our future. I dont know what to do I end up in the bathroom floor crying cause it hurts so bad, so that my other children dont see me. I have to be strong for them and just keep praying that God will take care of it all. But he is not the only one. We are! We also need to stop the hurting and pain associated when A parent tries to use A child as a weapon to hurt the other parent. It not only hurts the children but it hurts the Siblings, Grandparents, ants, uncles, and friends
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My husband had a daughter in 1994, he fought for 5 years just to have visitation rights and to provide for his daughter. It all came to an end, or so we thought, in 1999 with my husband getting his visitation rights. We had her for 7 years. She became a big sister with the birth of our 3 children together and she also had 2 stepbrothers.
My stepdaughter requested more time to be spent with us from her mother this summer as a result, her mother used her summer visistation to brainwash this child into not wanting to come and see us anymore. It started with she doesn't feel well and doesn't want to come for the weekend, then developed into she doesn't want to see us anymore. We tried to work it out, we tried to speak to her and never got to. Our last phone conversation was on July 10th, 2006. We of course tried to get some help but had to contact a lawyer to file a petition, which then resulted in the mother going to the courts and obtaining a CPO against my husband and the false allegation of child abuse and other unthinkable things. So my husband's parental rights were taking until the CPO was resolved. We go to court and we can't believe that this was happening. We love her why would she says these things, why would she not ever want to see her baby brothers and sister. We thought okay this is bad how could this be happening, we had a good summer with her, what changed? Add insult to injury, they call Children's Services just a few days after the first court hearing on the CPO and say that we are abusing our other children. We had very little assistance from anyone.. Even when the Children Services closed their case and found nothing we were told that my husband could face jail if the judge believes the child.
What do we do??? Go into financial ruin and possibly my husband go to jail.. and our children lose their father???
We decided to let her go and we agreed to leave the CPO in place only if they changed the reasons for the CPO.. We can't not contact,see or anything his daughter for 5 years.. We lose our daughter and my children lost a sister... Its like a death in the family but there is no closure, there are no answers...
our story...
hilliard ohio
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