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Letters from parents
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My Story : My children have been affected by this behavior for years. I have refused to fight over my children. I have been taunted by divorce court staff, told to leave by legal aid after asking what my rights were.
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My Story : This is the story of my 15 year old step-daughter. She has been mentally and emotionally abused from the day the "family" courts ruled her mother as the "fit and moral" parent. For years she has been told by her mother that she "couldn't go on without her" if she decided to live with her father. She has fought for 2 years AGAINST letting her daughter spend more time with her father. She has been sending my step-daughter to psychotherapy with a social worker who ignores FDA warnings by recommending Zoloft for an adolescent while also ignoring the recommendations of her peers (actually REAL psychologists) that children of divorce/seperation be encouraged to spend as much time as possible with their father. Aparently this child, who has been mentally abused her entire life is being led to believe that SHE can make the decision when she goes to see the father that she has been trained to hate. Her mother claims that she is "afraid" of her ex-husband - who has NEVER been accused of any type of physical abuse by anyone while constantly antagonizing him. Any intelligent and rational person - includiong a social worker who has NEVER met the child's father - would see through her mother's lies. In the mean time, the damage continues to spread like a cancer and my fear is soon my husband will lose all contact with his oldest daughter. For this I would like to thank the "family Courts for their ineptitude by creating the "abscent parent" in an effort to maximize their Title IVD Federal funding and not "the best interest of the child". I would also like to thank the "funk scientists" who would rather resord to "chemical parenting" over encouraging a loving relationship with BOTH parents and finally the Family Laywer industry who - through their own greed continue to fuel this epidemic by continueing the war between parents for their own financial well being. Until the general public is aware of this problem, we will continue to see the decay of society as a whole as well as millions of dysfunctional adults in the future.
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My husband and I see the effects of parental alienation all the time with his daughters (my step-daughters). He is the father that the courts refuse to see - the father that tries to talk to his daughters (ages 6 and 9) every day. The father that faithfully pays his child support on time twice a month. The father that goes to his daughters parent teacher conferences, field trips and school performances. The father that prays for his family every night, as well as reading the scriptures and praying with his daughters when they are home with us.
His ex-wife ignores the phone calls, tells him that the girls are already asleep or won't even tell him where they are. She had the girls pinky promise to never love me (the new step-mom) and never call me any form of Mom. She doesn't tell him about our oldest daughters medical appointments, or tells him a day in advance when he can't get time off of work. (Our oldest is disabled). Even though they have joint legal custody, this means nothing when the girls tell us how their mother leaves them alone all night long and they aren't supposed to tell us anything that happens in their home or they will lose dessert and television. (Essentials to children who are six and nine!)
While in her care, she left them in the hands of a teenager who left the home, leaving our sweet daughters to be sexually abused by the babysitters' teenage brothers. My husband contacted social services who told him that the boys probably would not be convicted. The ex-wife did not tell him about the sexual abuse - my husband found out by the mother of the abusers eight days after it occurred. We brought his ex to court for contempt, and even though she was found in contempt, we were told (quote unquote by the Judge presiding) "you can not expect to have the same relationship with your daughters that you did when you were married. She (the ex-wife) needs her privacy and you may only call the girls twice a week during an hour time slot." Even in a contempt hearing, my husband was told that he could not have a close relationship with his daughters, and now, contact them even less.
Parental alienation is real. It is all around us. To rise above it and allow your children to love and have affection for both parents without letting your feelings get in the middle is a hard thing to do, but it is essential for the well being of your children. When will parents start acting like parents instead of spoiled, selfish brats?
Our story is probably not that unique - but it is what we are living. We have filed papers to obtain full custody of our daughters and give them a stable, loving, clean and caring home; but even our attorney told us that this probably won't happen because the judge is bias toward women having custody of the children except when drugs are involved. Quite literally, she is going to have to have the girls in the car and be arrested for DWI and being high on drugs before we can help our daughters.
What can we do when the "system" seems to not see the situation for what it is? We like to think that things will change. There's a saying....work like it all depends on you, and pray like it all depends on God. So far, this is what we're doing.
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My Story : I was married to a man for almost 8 years. We divorced and I took the kids and moved to California where my family was. In 1987 my ex came and got my kids by mutual agreement that he would return them in May as I was having some health problems. He did not return them. He was married again and his new wife told the kids I got killed in a car accident. I called often to talk to my kids and was told they were not there. Everytime I went for visitation they would not let me have my kids by myself. I have tried to build a relationship with my children but to no avail. When I would call to say I was coming down for visitation I was told my kids would not be there and I did not know where they were. My kids are grown and married now. But I don't know how to bridge the gap and get to know them after all the lies and damage has been done. Hopefully someone can help me. My oldest daughter hates me. I have not been able to talk to my youngest daughter. I sent a Chirstmas card and my ex-husband's new wife wrote me and told me I abandoned my kids and that is just not true. I have been alienated by my kids thanks to my ex-husband and his wives. I just wish I can talk to my children by myself without interuption to tell my side of the story. The lies that were told about me to my kids would just freak out most people. But I am just trying to find my children and build a new relationship with them and hope someday that someone can help me. Thank you
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My Story : I was married for 22 years. My relationship with my ex was up and down, we were never on the same page. Except for one thing, our two girls. We wanted the best for them so we always encouraged them to be respectful of us. Such as go tell you father thank you, or go help your mother she does a lot for you. You get the idea. Well, about 2 years ago my girls 15 and 21 at the time caught their mother having an affair with a builder whom she sold homes for. That year during her affair I couldnt tell what was up or down my ex's behavior was confusing. She wanted a divorce and got one. My girls told me about the affair after the divorce. They kept it secret for 9 months. My relationship with my girls was fine until I started dating a wonderful woman. My ex told the girls that I had been having an affair with her during our marriage. So somehow I am the bad guy responsible for every thing that went wrong or is wrong. My younger daughter uses words like I dont have to listen to you. The older daughter has completely disowned me. They both have. They had a loving relationship with me until their mother started with her sick stuff. I cant believe a parent can have so much power. I'm supposed to have every other weekend with my daughter but her mother says she doesnt have to. I was told going to court to enforce the agreement would be a waste of time and money, because a judge will listen to what the child wants. Sure I wouldnt want to be with my dad if he were the creep their mother is making me out to be. I'm lost! P.S. My ex always threatened me during the divorce that she will make it so I never see my youngest daughter again. In fact she used my girls as tools throughout our marriage. She knows how much I love them.
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My Story : My story involves physical abuse - spiritual abuse - mental and emotional abuse - fraud - parental alienation abuse of system and extreem hostility . The biggest problem I have is the California system .They take the womans side without giving the father a break . I was married to my wife for 18 years . We had our problems but were seeking counseling but the biggest problem was my than wife wanted out to commit adultry . The church believed her than made up stories of sex addiction even though my new wife now will tell you I am the farthest thing from it .She destroyed my ministry and reputation . I took therapy to try and keep the marriage together and had just gone through a bout of valley fever which caused me to loose weight and become extremly vunerable . My than wife would phsically hit me requiring stitchs at the hospital and verbally and mentally abuse me .She than decided that she wanted out of the marriage .She kicked me out . She took the house I left with the shirt on my back .She committed welfare fraud and than went to child support and involved them even though I was giving her and the children money . Even though she was getting remarried and we had verbally agreed to no spousal support they granted her that . She fruaduantly used my credit card after she was married running it up .( she didn't have a card she faudulantly obtained it ) She violated our divorce agreement by not allowing me to see the kids esp my youngest daughter who she has alienated from me . All this time I was forced to make payments .And when I got behind she had them take my license away I missed 3 months because of financial circumstances .She claims I owe her 20,000. dollars ( she made the figure up ) they took 21,000. dollrs from me from a WCB settlment and she says I still owe her 20,000. I have bad knees that dibilatate me ( arthritis ) and they still believe her and won't give me a break . I can't see my daughter and now I have moved to Canada as I am married to a Canadian woman , I am waiting for a green card . They will not amend my court order .I have sold everything and my wife who is on a limited disability pension is paying it for me .If we don't pay I go to jail . After paying we don't have any money left over .( for food ) My ex wife is inheriting over $200,000. from the death of her parents and is remarried they both have good jobs , It would be differant if I was allowed to see my daughter but she won't allow it .She always interfers . My daughter has been reported to childservices because my ex phsically abuses her and emotionlly abuses her and they do nothing .I am poor and cannot aford a lawyer ,I have phoneed to try and ammend the order but they do nothing because they want me back in the country , I have been denied my passport because of this suppoed money I owe her even though they won't give me a list of what it is for .I finally got my license back they took it away quickly but it took 5 months to get it back after I qualified for it .She sold the house and kept all the money close to 200,000. dollars and kept all of our savings and my tools and furniture . I have gotten nothing and have even lost my children 4 ( some have grown now and I am pursueing realationships with them ). They are all damaged from this .It has damaged me the worst because I have been abused and instead of helping me they keep on allowing her to perpetuate the abuse . female abusers in this country get away with it because it is hard for men to report it .I should have charged her and got the children but it was to hard on my ego than . I live with nonstop regret . Thankyou
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My Story : My husband's ex-wife took the child (about 2 years old) and moved to Texas after their divorce. A few days later she married the man that she cheated on my husband with. Whenever my husband called to talk to his daughter, the mother would tell her that he was on the phone, but would call him by his first name, but when she refered to the step-father to their daughter, she would call him "daddy". Since they never went to court to establish custody, visitation, or support my husband would send money as often as he could for as much as he could, as they had agreed to. Once, when they argued over the phone, the mother told the child that her father was a piece of sh*t. My husband said that he could hear his daughter cry in the background. After we met, while we were living together, I remember one instance where he had wired her money, but she hadn't received it yet. We were due to drive to Texas to pick up his daughter and bring her back to Arizona with us, but since she hadn't received the money yet, she told him not to come pick up their daughter. The next day, when she got the money, we were given the green light. After a few years, since there were other instances in which they argued over the phone and as she constantly denied him visitation, he made the decision to step out of their daughter's life to keep her safe from the constant battles. After all, as he put it, she called someone else "daddy". He was just a guy she talked to on the phone with sometimes. So he stopped all communication with them. After almost 2 years, he gets a letter from his ex-wife telling him that their daughter needs him and that she would step back and allow more visitation. He agreed to come back into her life only to be back in the same boat. She later files for child support, they go to court, and we go into debt. But still nothing was done about custody/visitation. This was about 4 years ago. Last year, their daughter came to visit with us for a month, which was by far the longest time we've ever had her (and a battle and a half to make happen). She bawled at the end of her vacation because she didn't want to go home. She was comforted with the idea that she would return for Christmas. The next day, my husband gets an earful from his ex over the phone. Apparently, their daughter told her mom that she wanted to live with us. According to what his daughter told us when she returned for Christmas, her mother yelled at her for wanting to live here, then cried! I was very sad at what I was hearing and seeing. The poor child wouldn't even look at us when she said that! This year we are going through yet another battle to see her again this summer. Their daughter is having trouble in school and if she has to go to summer school, it'll be in June. Her mother informed my husband that they already had plans with her for the month of July. Then in August she returns to school. So in other words, zero time with us for the year until Christmas time...maybe. It's very frustrating and as much as my husband wants to protect her from the ugliness, he's coming to the sad realization that no matter what he does, his daughter is going to be affected.
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My Story : To B,B, and C in AK, I won't use names here for fear of the consequences but you know who you are, if you see this. Rest assured that one day, you and I will sit down and talk about this but I can tell you that what I'm writing here is true. Fortunately 2 of you have the objectivity to have kept your minds open to our situation but your sister cannot. I haven't spoken with her in 7 months and that is a direct result of what this website is all about--your mother's alienation against me. It started shortly after we separated, when I didn't see you for 11 months. Every time I called, the phone wasn't answered and every time I was supposed to see you, you were "out of town" suddenly, even though plans had been made. What your mother doesn't know is that I had ways of knowing that you were in town. It wasn't until S and I followed your mother into a parking lot that things changed. The parking lot was in front of her squadron and when I confronted her, she threatened me with "Well let's go talk to my commander". S piped up and said "Let's go!". So we went into her commander's office and he ordered her (even though it wasn't in his jurisdiction to do so) to start letting me see you. So for the rest of the time in AK, we were able to see each other. In the meantime, a nasty divorce and child custody case was taking place. I was accused of abusing you, drinking too much, doing drugs, you name it. All the while, I was getting word sent back to me of your mother's adulterous ways. I even talked to about 4 of the guys she was named to have been with and collected affadavits from them. Of course those didn't do any good in court but they painted a picture for me that I just couldn't believe. Later I found out that it had started before we even went to AK. It's amazing what people will tell you later, when they feel that they don't have to hold back anymore. I was also in touch with your step-dad's ex-wife and along with her I was able to put together any missing details and a time line of events, all of which I still have to this day. I'm not sure why, but my 1st sergeant recommended a worthless lawyer who didn't even have the balls to stand up in front of a judge and fight to keep my name on your mutual funds, the last gasp I had to ensure that you were going to be taken care of. I got absolutely nothing from that lawyer and after $7200.00, I dropped everything and your mother got custody. Shortly after that I filed for bankruptcy and was sent to OK. This started another chapter in the book of visitation denial. And I'm sure this is where a lot of your questions probably come from. The truth is, I was wanting to come see you in AK and every time I tried to set something up, your mother denied me visitation. In fact, when I saw you in the Roanoke airport for 2 hours, she had originally said NO to that. After that, I wasn't being informed of when you were taking trips to the lower 48 and I've always wondered if she told you guys not to tell me or if she was timing telling you about the trips so that you couldn't tell me before you left. So after so long, knowing where things stood, I gave up asking to see you. Why didn't I go to court over it? For 2 reasons: I was convinced nothing would ever happen and 2) for the first 10 months CSED never tracked the money I was sending so I was automatically in arrears for 7200.00 right out of the gate. My feeling was that if I stirred the pot, that would be used against me, resulting possibly in jail time. That was my fear anyway. Your mother is and has always been ruthless and so I've learned not to rock the boat. Not to mention, I've never been able to afford to sink money into another lawyer, at some point I've got to think about my current family too. I want to thank you for all the emails behind your mother's back and for the Father's Day card I got one year, the only card I've ever received. Also-B, when I told you I would come to see you at Christmas in 1999, your mother denied that, for the record. I often wonder if that's affected you to the point that we're not talking now. I look forward to the day 2 years from now that I'm done with child support and don't have that legal cloud hanging over my head anymore. I will then start over with you guys if you'll let me. This has been a terribly tortuous road but I made up my mind long ago that your mother wasn't going to rip the life out of me. All things considered, I'm thankful for the relationships we've been able to maintain, I think it says alot about the 3 of you and I'm proud of all of you.
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My Story : i wrote here a few days ago about my husbands ex, and have been reading the stories on here and i must say it is very sad. i also did not realize that not acknowledging a parents birthday, fathers day and other holidays was also alienation!! my husbands ex never once got so much as a card for their father, hell he would have just liked a phone call, so now i will text message the oldest and remind him, and i can tell that it bothers him that his mother never did this. most of the time he will visit and if we go shopping he will then pick up something for his dad. or i have also spoke with him and bought something myself for them to give their dad. i swear why can't the other parent see this does nothing but hurt the child? if you ask me it is a very immature thing to do. i myself have 2 boys grown now but i never would have kept them from their father!!! i would have rather he saw them than pay child support, the money was not as important to me as their relationship with their dad ! that was all that matter. i will be praying for you all on here and keep fighting !!!!!!!!!! don't give up in the end the children will eventually see what the other parent has done and will turn of the one doing the alienating !!! good luck kathy
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My Story : I fell in love with my husband in great part because of the love that I saw and felt that he has for his children. Over the 5 years that we have been together (4 as husband and wife), I have watched that loving father become a shell of the former man that he once was because of the constant battle he has had to endure due to the parental alienation of his ex-wife. I have watched him break down time and again as he has struggled to keep contact with his children, as he has tried to "be the better person" by not dragging his children into the fights or talking negatively about the children's mother in front of them, only to have her do the total opposite. I have witnessed first-hand her screaming, cursing, accusing, belittling, and every other nasty, vengeful, hateful thing that could possibly be done to him, acted out in front of the children and her even enlisting the support of her mother to do so as well. The times that she has denied him his rights to see the kids even though the courts have ordered her to do so, the times that she has called to try and bribe the kids with trips to the mall/zoo/etc... if they will come home early from their visit with their father. The times that she has promised the children to take them on extravagant vacations during the holidays that he is scheduled to have them, and then when he tells her that he has the right to have the kids, watch her turn to the kids and tell them that they can't go because "their father won't let them." She has made accusations that he loves my daughter (his step-daughter) more than his own children and does things for her that he won't do for them in front of us to the children when the REAL situation is that we can't afford to do for ANY of the children due to medical expenses, loss of employment or whatever. And through all of this, he has tried to be the "better parent;" to not drag the children into the middle of it. But he cannot take it anymore. He sees that any form of loyalty to him or this side of the family causes the children to be hurt because their mother considers is a betrayal to her. He has tried to work with her, has tried to resolve issues through the courts, mediation and even has offered to pay for family counseling, but his ex-wife will not cooperate. All of the "agreements" that were made by her during the court-ordered mediation have been broken. She refuses to participate or allow the children to participate in therapy or counseling of any kind. She has flat-out told him that she does not HAVE to cooperate with him because even though they share joint parental custody, she has physical custody and can do anything she wants. She has even refused to allow for him to take the children on our 1st family vacation in 5 years, even though the children both want to go. His oldest child is being treated for ulcers from all of the turmoil and has told us that she can't talk to her mother or tell her mother that she wants to see her father or do things with her father because her mother will get mad at her. His ex has made the boast many times to many people that she was going to make my husband's life a living Hell and make him wish that he had never been born. She has succeeded. For the sake of the children, my husband has talked with an attorney and has started the steps it will take to terminate his parental rights with his children. After MUCH prayer and discussion with councilors, clergy, friends, etc.... he has come to the realization that his ex-wife will never change, and that the ONLY hope for those children to have a relatively peaceful life is for him to step out of their lives until such time that they are grown and can search him out for themselves. This has killed the spirit of a wonderful man and has made our life a living Hell for long enough. It is time for him to let go, but it should have NEVER come to this!!!!!!!!!! When is this type of action going to be seen as the abuse that it is???!!!! When are these parents that are doing this to these innocent young ones going to be help responsible for their actions??!! I know that there are times that children need to be protected from abusive parents, my own daughter had to be protected from a father that molested her, but there are many more men like my husband who are just trying to do their best to love their children and can't because of the actions of the other parent. Who is going to finally stand up for them?? When will this madness stop??? Divorce does NOT have to end up with children that are scarred beyond repair, but the sad fact is, unless there are changes in the laws to make this form of child abuse an offense punishable by the courts, it is never going to stop and we are going to end up with a whole generation of children who do not know what it is to be loved by both parents. Children who will not have any kind of example to learn from so that when they have children of their own they know how to love and show such love to their own children.
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My Story : You asked me to refrain from anger. This will be a damn tall order. Nevertheless I will do my best to oblige. I have 3 beautiful children ages 14, 12 and 9, respectively. I have not been allowed to see them since getting off active duty. Only saw them three or four times before I got shipped off to active duty. This has been an ongoing thing for the last three to four years. My flesh and blood has slowly been torn from me. Reading many of your letters reduced me to tears. I totally understand what you're going through, as you see I've been there myself. The only difference is that my children are with so-called "Guardians". It is these people that are doing the alienating. Fortunately I have a wonderful judge who saw thru these people's attempts to cast me as "insane" and he ordered visitation. Unsupervised. Do they honor this court order? NO. Even before I went active duty the kids said they had to be back by a certain time, and the boy's watch was set 20 minutes early. These beautiful kids who used to smile and wave now shrink at the sight of me. I cannot even get them into my Reserve Center to sign them up for the Navy's health care plan! I go to the male guardians Myspace and guess what? HE CLAIMS THOSE KIDS ARE HIS! People, I share your frustration and at times your utter bewilderment and draining of will but where there is a will there is a way. I will again have my day in court here real soon and I will be fully armed with knowledge and facts this time around. Whether or not i can get this guardianship terminated, I cannot say but if I do succeed I know the toughest part will be overcoming the incredible damage inflicted here. Who knows what in hell they told the kids... To my kids: I love you. My door is always open to you no matter how badly you say you hate me. I will literally fight to the death for you. God help me! I want you back so much and for what it's worth I am sorry. Sorry for letting this happen as long as I did. I love you so much and I want you back. You are my heart. Without you I have no heart just an empty shell. Please the rest of you wish me luck and keep me in your prayers you are always in mine.
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My Story : I have not seen my daughter in six years (she was three and she turns 9 todsy). My daughter used to say, "momma says you're bad". My ex has turned my family against me and has called the police on me for no reason. I miss my daughter very much. Neither my own family (who sees my daughter regularly) nor my ex wife will allow me to have any phone or other contact with my daughter. This situation is very painful.
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My Story : My husband's ex-wife practices parental alienation on a regular basis. She tells the judge that they are scared of their dad and don't want to be with him. While they are here, they are happy. We never talk about their mother for fear that it might hurt them. On the other hand, she continually makes them feel guilty about having fun when they are here and has succeeded in making them hate me also. When they are here, she calls everyday. When they get off the phone, they are sad and sometimes cry. I can only assume she made them feel bad for enjoying quality time with their father. She has recently obtained supervised visitation through such events of her practice of parental alienation. She has not let him see the children for over an month and won't for another month. He cannot afford a lawyer, so he represents himself and loses. He is sad. He misses his children. He takes his anger out on the ones closest for now. There is nothing we can do. She plays the victim for nothing and blames him for divorcing her and now forces the children to hate him in her presence. It is very depressing that men have no rights.
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My Story : I am A mother of 4 children 2 from a previous marriage, My ex left me for a much younger girl. I moved over 2500 miles away from my ex to get a better life and that is when all of this starter I have not had a real visit with my two boys for more then 3 years My ex says that the children are better off with out me in there life. I love and miss my children very much. I break down and cry every time that I hear someone mention them or ask me about them.I don't have the money for court cost. So my ex has taken advantage of that. It is very painful for the children and they dont ask to e-mail me or anything about me, anytime that they do there step mother says that I am worthless and uses language that I cannot repeat. I can understand why parents break down. I have two other small children and my youngest pretends to play with my older two boys. He holds there pictures and askes me why can't I see my brothers. I dont know what to say to him so I tell him soon it is the only thing that can come out of my mouth. as I sit here crying not only for me and my family but for all the children out there who can not have A loving relationship with there non custodial parent I think to my self What could I have done different. I ask WHY do people act like this and use there children as A pawn in there game to hurt the other parent. I am not the only one that he is hurting but all of my children hurt.I wonder why the law can allow this to happen to our children. I mean that they are our future. I dont know what to do I end up in the bathroom floor crying cause it hurts so bad, so that my other children dont see me. I have to be strong for them and just keep praying that God will take care of it all. But he is not the only one. We are! We also need to stop the hurting and pain associated when A parent tries to use A child as a weapon to hurt the other parent. It not only hurts the children but it hurts the Siblings, Grandparents, ants, uncles, and friends
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My husband had a daughter in 1994, he fought for 5 years just to have visitation rights and to provide for his daughter. It all came to an end, or so we thought, in 1999 with my husband getting his visitation rights. We had her for 7 years. She became a big sister with the birth of our 3 children together and she also had 2 stepbrothers.
My stepdaughter requested more time to be spent with us from her mother this summer as a result, her mother used her summer visistation to brainwash this child into not wanting to come and see us anymore. It started with she doesn't feel well and doesn't want to come for the weekend, then developed into she doesn't want to see us anymore. We tried to work it out, we tried to speak to her and never got to. Our last phone conversation was on July 10th, 2006. We of course tried to get some help but had to contact a lawyer to file a petition, which then resulted in the mother going to the courts and obtaining a CPO against my husband and the false allegation of child abuse and other unthinkable things. So my husband's parental rights were taking until the CPO was resolved. We go to court and we can't believe that this was happening. We love her why would she says these things, why would she not ever want to see her baby brothers and sister. We thought okay this is bad how could this be happening, we had a good summer with her, what changed? Add insult to injury, they call Children's Services just a few days after the first court hearing on the CPO and say that we are abusing our other children. We had very little assistance from anyone.. Even when the Children Services closed their case and found nothing we were told that my husband could face jail if the judge believes the child.
What do we do??? Go into financial ruin and possibly my husband go to jail.. and our children lose their father???
We decided to let her go and we agreed to leave the CPO in place only if they changed the reasons for the CPO.. We can't not contact,see or anything his daughter for 5 years.. We lose our daughter and my children lost a sister... Its like a death in the family but there is no closure, there are no answers...
our story...
hilliard ohio
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My Story : I married young, when I was 16 years old. My marriage ended when I was 18. I had one child from the marriage, a daughter. My daughter was just over a year old when my ex and I separated. Just shortly after that I had a spinal cord injury from a fall, and I had to have extensive surgery on my back and I had to learn how to walk again. On the night that the accident happened, I was due in court that following morning for a custody hearing. I couldn't be there because of the injury. My ex got custody and my daughter went to live with him. I was hospitalized for two months and it took a while when I came home to fully recover. I was told when I had my injury that I would not be able to physically care for my child, and that was really hard to accept. It was emotionally devastating for me. I was able to get visits and a few years later I fought for more parenting time. My ex constantly fought me over the parenting time. As my child got older he told her things that were not true. Things like I didn't want her and that was why she was living with him. They told her my accident was caused because I was on drugs, which I wasn't. That was ruled out in my accident. And it was never determined what had caused my accident. For years they constantly told her that I didn't care about her. There were times when I would go to pick her up that she didn't want to go. I couldn't understand why. She was not allowed to call me mom, only by my first name in her home. In time she did start to call me mom. My child started school in a private school and it was very difficult to get information on her and how she was doing in school. My ex made it very difficult and so did his church. For years it was a constant battle just to have my child in my life. It should not have been so difficult. I knew that the only way I would be able to have a relationship with my daughter without her father's interference was when she would be 18. That kept me going through all of the heartache and pain. When my daughter was in her teens she started to get into trouble and she wouldn't go to school. She ended up in trouble and had to go to court. She was very rebellious. Her dad let her stay with me off and on during this time but he would not give me custody. He blamed me for her problems. My daughter was constantly running away and getting into trouble. About this time my ex moved his family out of state. My daughter went a month later and I didn't get to see her until two months later, when she had to appear in juvenile court. She was 16 at the time. That was the last time I ever seen her. Two months later, she died in a house fire at her dad's. It was devastating. A part of me didn't want to believe it. I thought, how can this happen, I lost her once, and now, I lost her forever. All of my hopes of having a relationship with her were shattered. They were gone. The hardest part of it all was how I was treated after her death. I was excluded from making any buriel or funeral arrangements. My dad offered a burial plot and to fly her body home, but my ex refused. He ended up having my daughter cremated without telling me until it was already done. A funeral was held without me or my family being informed. I was crushed and so was my family. I was treated as if I never existed in her life. My ex came a few weeks later to our state and held a memorial service. It was held at his family's church and my family and friends were separated on one side of the church, and his family and church members were seated on the other side. You could sense the tension in the room. During the service, I was not mentioned as her mother, and my family was not mentioned. I was heartbroken. My daughter had just died. This should have been a time of coming together, not a time of cruelty. I do not know to this day where my daughters remains are. My dad said after the service that I should take my ex to court and get half of the ashes. I said "no". My daughter would not have wanted that. I said, her life was always about us fighting, I will not make her death about that too. It has been five years since she passed away. There is not a day that I don't think about her. I wish I could have had a relationship with her without her father's interference. My daughter did not get to have a normal childhood. She did not get to have a normal mother-daughter relationship. I wish of anything she could have had that.
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My Story : My divorce was a very nasty one....worse then the movie Kramer vs Kramer...I had to fight all the legal manuvers my ex and her lawyer pulled on me and my children...If I hadn't had the money and a great lawyer I never would have seen my boys...my ex's idea of seeing my boys was at a McDonald's resturant one night a week for 2hours...I was served Protection abuse papers(another ploy to get me to leave my home)when we went to court the judge asked me "Mr E are you sure you really want to move back with your wife undern the same roof"???? he was concerned for me, but I missed my kids...the wife left my home and took the kids...when things wouldn't go her way she became nastier...I was always going to court for something and having to defend my and my kids rights...I became depressed and was taking care of by a shrink...I never told the ex for obvious reasons...as luck would have it I lost my good paying job...now it was back to court for support for this and that...she was relentless....everything she did was money driven she did continue to bring the boys to me,but only because the courts would have slammed her... I took on a job that had me working 70 to 80 hours and weekends...now I was missing time with the boys just to keep her(and her lawyer)and the courts off my back for money....eventually I came to a very low point in all this and my ex found out...actually I called and told her all about it...here I was crying on the phone telling this person about everything...misssing my boys, having to fight for eveything to see them,her using the court system to strong arm me when she knew I was down....I must have really lost my mind at that point to think I could touch a warm spot in that cold cold heart of hers, but I tried anyways...now she stepped up on everything I was back in court again...she vowed one Christmas (2000) that I would never see my boys again and she made good with her promise..I had no money or will...I was both broke financially and emotionally...my shrink knew my situation and how hopleless I was becoming...he had me file for Social Secuirty Disability...I didn't want to but the idea was to get money to the kids and their mother to keep he off my back...Well I got my Disability and got her money but she wanted more...it was back to court for back childsupport...I had my monthy check garnished now and no kids and no money to fight to get my kids back....now there was no phoning...my oldest son all of a sudden took his mom's position...he told me he hated me and he would "kill me" if I tried to make contact with him or his brother....the ex moved 3 yrs ago across state...where I don't have a clue...It is a secret...I have seen my boys 3 times in 7 yrs...twice at my dad's nursing home before he died and then at my dad's funeral...my boys would look at me and then their mother and then they turned and walked away...I love my boys' more than anything and miss them all the time...the oldest is set to graduate from college next month...I wasn't allowed to attend his graduation from high school...the youngest is going to be 16 this year...he is mildly retarded....there is a lot more to my story....like I lived across from the boys mothers parents and when they would come to visit them (and it was often when they lived near by)they never once stopped in to say hi or anything...I had their christmas presents at the front door for 2 yrs hoping they would come by...but no they didn't.....I never knew someome who could be that mean and act that way with their own children and here I married one...now its ..."hope that one of the boys grow a backbone and want to see me after all these yrs...I could never be mad at them for this...I grew them up better and they know better.....
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My Story : i have known my husbands ex for about 10 years and i know for a fact that she has told his boys that their dad is " a piece of crap and doesn't do anything for them".The boys have told us she has said this to them. They are 15 and almost 13, but you see my husband has always been a part of their lives, even though she has moved 9 times in 10 years and has tried her best to make it difficult for him to see them. Believe me she has made his life pure hell for the last 10 years !!!! but the boys know she is lying. The oldest has even said he has heard her lying to a friend of hers on the phone and he said he wanted to tell her to shut up and that he knows that it is not true. My husband has traveled thousands of miles to see his boys and to make sure they know their grandparents on his side of the family, and we now live in Virginia and his parents live in New Hampshire !!!!! but i have a feeling things are going to be getting worse. She ( his ex) honestly has some mental issues!!! she would like nothing more than for him to not see his boys and she has not made it easy for him, but recently we got a lawyer because she was gonna try and move again!! from bristol, virginia to columbia, South Carolina and did not give him 30 days notice, and my husband is not going to let her move again. He is gonna do whatever he can to stop her. Kids need stability. i also believe that when he is talking to his sons on the phone that she hovers over them. he said that sometimes he can tell when she is around. anyway something needs to be done about these women ( men) and stop this crazy behavior !!!! the woman from my view gets away with things that they would never let a man do !!!!! and i am a woman i have seen both sides and the man gets screwed most of the time !!! if they ( the man) try to do things the right way the courts look at them like they are deadbeats like most of the other deadbeats, but there are i believe a lot more good dads who just want to see their kids without all the hassle that sometimes comes from the mother !!!
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My Story : This story is about my husband, who I have seen suffering for so many years due to the frustation of not being able to fullfiled his roll as a fulltime father. The light came to me when I was watching on TV Alex Baldwin's apology to his daughter in relation to his voicemail left on her phone. I condemed the strong language that he used, but on the other hand, I recognized the same frustation that he was going through, with the one of my husband's. But the light came when he gave this frustation a name "Parent Alienation", I ran to my computer and there it was all the signs and symptoms that I have since unfolded in all these years. Suddenly, it was like a doctor finally was able to diagnose this chronic and long lasting disease that my husband has beeing experimenting. I read, and read and read and sadly saw revealed to me in a professional way, how thousand of parents are literally robbed from the fullfilment of doing a good roll in parenthood. When it comes to your child, you want the best, and being the best parent that you can is one of them but that parent alienation attitude has taken this dream away. But the person that get hurts the most....your child, the one that you want to protect so much and can not. I feel so sorry for my husband's child because he is going to have very limited memories with his father. We all know that time is precious and once its gone, there is no going back. So readers, do you want to know the end of his story? My husband tried to fight in the court with no success. In the meantime, his son has been living such an unsteady life. He has a baby sister with no father, then he has gone through his mother's second divorce, then his mother's third marriage which brought 4 stepsisters and living now on welfare. On the other hand, my husband remarried only once, we have a peacefull home, no children, own house, and a modest but confortable status. Where is my husband's son........ living with her parents and my husband can not do anything about it! What is wrong with this picture????
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Name : Seawind
My Story : I find I must write here, although I cannot yet put my story together chronologically. It will have to be done a piece at a time and most likely working backwords. On Miracles: Miracles happen out of extreme love and selflessness. Miracles are the result of perserverance, patience, hard work and friends who will never let you give up. Miracles happen when you make yourself emotionally available in spite of the circumstances. Miracles are the mastery of complete commitment. I am the mother of a daughter now in college. She has a life full of promise and friends and has enjoyed exceptional experiences in our community. She is poised and open and eager and caring. Her ties to family have been fully restored; her bright smile comes easy. Her self-esteem and confidence are keen. She has grown into the most extraordinary young woman! She has purpose and satisfaction and joy in her life and I am proud and grateful for the journey we have made together. We are survivors of a nightmare I thought would never end. She is my miracle. Miracles happen. sw. p.s. I am submitting this because when I was looking for information eight years ago, there was little in the form of happily-ever-after stories. The few I found gave me hope and courage when I felt none.
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My Story : When I heard Alec Baldwin's outburst toward his 11 year-old, I immediately saw (felt) the symptoms. I had no idea that this organization existed until I heard a news report today. As Mr. Baldwin agrees, his actions were totally wrong. Although I have never spoken that way to either of my children, I have felt the same aggression and frustration. I was the father who was totally involved in my kids lives. The teachers at my children's school knew me better than my wife, although I was the primary breadwinner and worked a full-time job. After 13 years of marriage, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce. Our children were 11 and 9. They were devastated, especially our daughter. Shortly before our divorce hearing, my son told me he wanted to live with me. Our custody battle lasted 11 months. The judge placed custody with my wife. A few months after our divorce, my wife married the man with whom she was having the affair. During the separation period, things went pretty well, with only a few difficult times. After our divorce, I bought a house relatively close to our old one, and it seemed a good compromise for the kids - easy access to both parents. However, after she remarried and moved the children approximately 45 minutes away. Things deteriorated quickly. My kids, especially my son, seemed to react negatively to anything I tried to do. Soon, I felt as though I was made to feel I was intruding any time I wanted to spend time with my kids. Our weekends together became farther and farther apart, due to other interests the kids had. Deterioration has continued to the point where I now expect nothing. Six years after the divorce, I see them a few times a year. Some time around Christmas for a couple of hours is a given - never Christmas day, that's reserved for their mom - plus a few other informal times. I am close to totally giving up, if I haven't already. I have tried all approaches, and they've all failed. I long for the intimacy we used to have. I coached them in sports, helped them with their homework, tucked them in each night. I was the first one my daughter would tell when she had a new boyfriend, or if she and one of her girlfriends were cross at each other. My son and I spent countless hours in the yard playing. I long... It truly feels as though they are worse than dead. I'm trying to forgive and move on, but the pain just doesn't go away. I don't claim that I was a perfect husband or parent, but I was totally committed and faithful to my wife and kids. After my wife announced she filed for divorce, her sister told me that I should get the kids because I was the better parent. Her mom told me that I would always be her boy. I constantly wonder what they're doing. I simply miss them so badly that it hurts. With sadness, bn
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My Story : My story, like most, begins with divorce some 12 years ago (1995). My adopted children were young, just 2 and 4 years old. My ex-wife and I had a typical arrangement with visitation at the beginning. I would see the children every other weekend and on various Holidays per our court agreement. We lived just a few minutes away from each other. Almost immediatley, the ex set the tone of the divorce as I came to pick up the children the first time. Dutifully, I went to the door and rang the bell, expecting a short, civil, but curt exchange as I received the children. What I got instead was the door opening just a crack as the children exited and then the door slammed in my face. After several attempts at the door I got the message and just honked the horn, the children came out on their own. It has always been this way. After going through the next four and a half years of difficult problems, like not being able to talk to the children when I called, having the phone lines disconnected by cats, and no one at home to receive the children when they returned, I was pretty much resigned to a bad situation. Naturally, after some time, (one year) I met my current wife, we began living together and were blending my kids into her family of two sisters, a brother, and nieces and nephews. I hit a really bad patch in my career in 1998 and was out of work for about 9 months. I was getting deeper in debt keeping up my support payments and my ex was working and doing well. I had to go back to court to get a reduction in support as I continued to look for work. I got the reduction as expected,. but that caused my ex to dump the children us at the end of their summer visit.(August 1999) This was done in a horrible way (an explitive filled phone message, remind you of anything?) with no notice to us or the children. This was followed the next day by finding all of the childrens belongings, toys, clothes, etc. dumped on our front porch. I left the ex a message saying this was premature as we needed to work everything out with the lawyers. Next day, more stuff on the porch. We tried to calm the children, who were by then 6 and 8 years old. We told them how happy we were to have them live with us and that their mother couldn't do it any more, but they would still vist her. It made our reationship solid and my wife and I were married about nine months later. (no more children). We thought this would be the best for everyone. During the next six years we tried to create a loving, nurturing, consistant, home. We even took parenting classes to help us. I got the children into therapy almost immediately as I began to identify loyalty issues in the children. It became apparent that the ex's style of parenting was very different from ours. She never wanted to be the bad guy (perhaps guilt from the dumping) and showered them with gifts, clothes, and even a dog for my daughter.She never would by consistant with our discipline, telling the children she didn't think it was fair. The relationship onlyu became more strained. After only two weeks into what was her summer visit with the children in 2004, she returned my daughter with all her belongings in a trash bag saying she couldn't handle her and that she was disrespectful, etc. We kept both of the children for the remainder of the summer. The acting out was an obvious manifestation of the over all problem with the two households. It only got worse. My ex called my son "stupid" after a bad report card and he was very upset with his mother. We had him write her a letter to vent his feelings and after a short time encouraged him to see her again.They seemed to have gotton over that hump. I wish I could say the same for my daughter. At one point in 2004, the ex began making noises about seeing the children more. We had just reversed the situation we started with, with her visiting every other weekend. I spoke to the children and they wanted to keep it the way it was. I didn't push it because of the lack of consistancy between the two houses. I thought any more time would only make the problem worse. In June of 2005 my daughter began talking about living with her Mother. After some sessions with our therapist and everyones agreement my daughter went to live with her Mom at the beginning of June 2005. All was well for a short time. My daughter has always been difficult. She has always been a disruption on our home. My wife dosen't put up with any nonsense. We have expectations of the children as far as school and chores are concerned. They make their own beds, do their own laundry, fold their own clothes, empty trash, and do dishes. They are members of the household unit, not guests. Things began to go bad not long into the school year for my daughter and my ex. Her first report card in the seventh grade had 4 fails, a D, and a C. She had done much better in the sixth grade. We had explored the possibility of an IEP( individual education program) through the LAUSD(Los Angeles Unified School District). We had a program in place which placed her in classes with more than one teacher, had an aide make sure she was getting to classes on time, etc. Along about November, the ex said she wanted to bring my daughter back to our house. They had experienced some disagreements and my ex said she couldn't handle it. Well, the arrangement we had all made with the therapist took this into account and we all decided that going back and forth was not an option. We declined. Things began to go bad quickly after that. The ex wife became adamant that my daughter return. It was clear in speaking with my daughter that she did not want to return. When she came for her visit before christmas, it was disasterous. She was obsinate, defiant and rude. She had a lot of homework to do and wouldn't do it. She finially went back tio her mother's early. When my wife and I returned from a short vacation, between christmas and new years, we were greeted with a letter from the ex explaining that my daughter would be returning to our home because she (the ex) had an abnormal breast biopsy. My daughter returned to our home on Jan. 2nd 2006 and it was very very difficult. She hated every thing about us. On a visit, our theapist said, "she has been programmed to hate you".Then we were informed in early March by the ex that she would be leaving town for work for the next three weeks. During this time my daughter began telling us about how she was going to go back living with her Mom and that she was going to go to court to get money. When the ex returned, I confronted her with this information which she confirmed. She explained that they, she and my daughter, were going to move to New Mexico. My daughter went back to the ex's house because by then, we were the enemy. They went to New Mexico at spring break to check it out and when they returned, that plan was abandoned. Back at school, the ex removed all the IEP support for my daughter and the grades went down and down. Suddenly, the abnormal biopsy became cancer. Chemo and radiation to follow. I was served for support in June and went to court in Dec. 2006. Prior to that, in October my ex again tried to return my daughter, dropping all her belongings in our yard and trying to leave her with my wife at home while I was at work. My wife refused. Three weeks later she sent us a letter telling us that my daughter would be staying with us for a week while she (the ex) went to New York to visit family. We refused. Would she come back to get her, she hates us now. We didn't know. This of course, was all done with the attorneys involved, so all at a big expence. After court, near the end of Dec., a judgement was made for support and visitation. On Jan. 8, 2007, we get a letter saying that they, my ex and daughter, are moving to New York. My ex has family there. We went back to the attorneys to alter the judgement and to give permission to move. Nothing was responded to and they left anyway. I have not seen or spoken to my daughter for over five months. I got a letter from her in early March saying not to call her or write her, she didn't want anything to do with us. My son went to visit there over Easter break, we sent candy and a card to my daughter. How is it that the children lived with us for over six years and that do not hate their Mother, despite the things she has done. My daughter was with my ex for six months and we are the enemy. PAS !! This is the short hand version of the story, only the most salient points. The details are even more revealing. Please feel fre to contact me if you need anything more. Thank you.
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My Story : After a brief marriage which dissolved after 2 years and 5 months, I have spent the past 7 years and 3 months battling to preserve my relationship with my son. I have not been victimized by the overt parental alienation that many face. The alienation that I experience is somewhat more subtle. Nevertheless, within the past month, I have arrived at my son's school to drop off my step-son and on another occasion I was on campus volunteering in my son's classroom. In each of these instances, my ex-wife arrived approximately the same time that I arrived at the school. I observed my ex-wife escorting my son from her car. My son saw me and wanted to walk over and say good morning. My ex-wife deliberately marched my son in the opposite direction, and then as my son turned around to walk towards me his mother chastised him, saying, "Get along to class, baby. Hurry up!" My son was not late for class. He clearly had 2 minutes to say, "good morning" to his daddy. Nevertheless, this is the way that mom likes to manipulate our son. I can see the frustration on his face, but there is little that I can do. His mother has placed him squarely in the middle. I am thankful, because just a few years ago, my ex-wife's favorite tactic for alienating the child was to request almost daily welfare checks from the police department and CPS on the days when my son was in my custody. It was terrible to have to contend with my son's frustration as to why we had to interrupt whatever activity that we were involved in to take a visit from the police or a call from CPS, but although I have successfully extricated the police and CPS involvement in this case, the singular experience that aggravates me to no end is the encouragement of the courts in regards to these alienating behaviors. In fact, the courts have appointed not less than 6 Ph.Ds to participate in the various machinations surrounding this child custody case. On one occasion, I urged my ex-wife to stay away from my son's soccer practices. I was coaching and my ex-wife had been behaving very threateningly at previous practices, so I felt that it would be less stressful for my son if she stayed away. Certainly, in the legal sense, she held the key to her own liberty in this regard. All she needed to do was to promise to observe quietly, just like the other parents, during the soccer practices and she would be welcomed, but instead, her lawyer argued that this was alienation on my part! It made no difference that I explained that she was welcomed at all of our son's soccer games. This in contrast with her conviction for aggravated harassment which resulted in a 3-year probation. The courts paid no attention to mother's excesses, but I was chastised for each and every error in judgment that I have made during the past 7 years. Now the courts are asking me to pay for the privilege of having all of these Ph.Ds to ensure that there is no harm to the child. The courts never cease to disappoint. Thank you for all that you are doing.
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My Story : I have been divorced seven years now. It started with spousal verbal abuse and then led to physical and emotional abuse. I have 3 beautiful children. My message is a message for the determined and is full of hope. I had the "perfect life", junior league wife,stay at home mom drove the suv...etc...and endured hours of harse verbal abuse. As I grew in my outside interests, his abuse worsened. Finally the physical abuse began.. I debated and begged for almost two years..while he lived basically upstairs..this entire time. He led me to beleive he was having an affair.during this time as well. When the physical abuse begin I knew I could not stay, I had three children a daughter 13 and two sons 2 and 6. A year later after much prayer and begging, he was convinced to move out...after an episode that scared even him in front of the boys. You see this man is particularly proud, which is probably why my life has been spared thus far. In any case... I begin to try to put myself a case together. I had 26(yes twenty six)taped conversations that included physical threat, physical harassment with my boys present in the background screaming please dont hurt mommy.. and then the trials begin. You see we were an upper class white family who could afford attorneys..(big mistake)and the circus begin. We had pscyhiatrists..depositions..the works. But the bottom line came down to a judge who would not allow the tapes to be played in court (she said they could be "selective"...26 selective tapes...whatever..just pick 3 then)and did not like the way I looked or the fact that in her mind I had a "charmed life".. this man was awarded joint custody even after admitting to physically harming me (just once was his admission)..and now seven years later..he has disowned his now 20 yr old daughter because she was willing to go before a judge and testify against him..when he started screaming at her the way he screamed at me..and blocking her physically in a room....then I put a stop to it and used my last 1,000.00 dollars to meet them in court and get full custody of her. ANd this whole time he has denied me contact with the boys when he has them week on week off...I have to go to their school or contact them thru friends to see them..he makes them afriad to come near me when they are with them and we are at a school or athletic event. He continues to refuse to give my name or contact information for any paperwork, he gives the stepmother as their "mother" information...and last year I regained full legal custody due to this information and two teachers actually testifying againest him... I did not seek Physical custody becasue at this time both of my boys are discovering on their own,,,that he is not " good role model" or capable of telling the truth..so I could not be made out to be the bad guy by "physically wrenching them away from him via court"...I am letting them come to that decision on their own. Recently (easter) bought my now 14 yr old a cell phone for easy communication..and the second time I contacted him via this he ran away from his Dads(to my house) because his Dad had a "breakdown" over speaking to me on the phone. I continue to stay active in their school,and extra curricular acitivites(although sometimes I am late on the finding out)even serving as team Mom lots of times just so I can get all of the info.. I am prayerful that someday they will realize that they do not have to make a "choice'...that real unconditional love is right here waiting...as it has been all along. I model this everyday..as does their new step dad..
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My Story : I am married to the father of an 8 year old son. My husband only lived with his son for the first 4 months of his life. At that time his ex-wife moved 10 hours away to live with her first ex husband and attempted to have my stepson learn to call that man daddy. Needless to say she didn't last with that man and has been married to her 3rd husband since my stepson was 2. During this time we have attempted to have my stepson during every court ordered visitation and more if and when possible. He has lived 6 hours away and we have driven each time. My husband has been accused of sexual molestation of his son. We have had to hire lawyers to defend us and pay for lie detector tests to prove our innocence. Meanwhile, the new husband has failed a polygraph that focused on him being the abuser as well as coaching the son to point the finger at his dad. He is a methodone user and we still have not been able win custody. After my husband's visitation was given back to him, we have had one problem after another. Phone calls are only allowed on her terms. She dodges phone calls so my husband can not talk to his son. After dealing with that for 7 years, we bought my stepson a cell phone with a parental lock on it for his 8th birthday. Now his mother refuses to allow him to turn it on at her house. She got my stepson to say he didn't want to visit in Feb. and when we went to pick him up with an officer present, she tried to provoke my husband into hitting her. Which of course he didn't. Then she took my stepson to a counselor and told in front of him how she "thought" my husband was going to hit her and then he would have gone to jail. She never allows my stepson to choose to stay longer with us when he wants to in the summer or long visits, but she let him choose that weekend by taking him to visit family he had not seen for awhile. If it were not for the papers we would never see my stepson. She denies visitation about 2-3 times a year. To take her to court over these times will not help, but cost us money we don't have. We are very discouraged by the family court system and how one sided it is. Even CPS has failed to follow though when my stepson has cried out for help in the past. Fortunately, my stepson is seeing what is happening much of the time and we are able to be positive with him while he is with us. He is waiting to be able to say where he wants to live. Right now, he just wants to be able to call his dad when he wants to. He is very upset that his mother doesn't allow him to call unless she wants to. Thank you for reading this and good luck to all fathers out there that are going through unfair bias. Sincerely, Midland, TX
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