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Letters from parents
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My Story : You asked me to refrain from anger. This will be a damn tall order. Nevertheless I will do my best to oblige. I have 3 beautiful children ages 14, 12 and 9, respectively. I have not been allowed to see them since getting off active duty. Only saw them three or four times before I got shipped off to active duty. This has been an ongoing thing for the last three to four years. My flesh and blood has slowly been torn from me. Reading many of your letters reduced me to tears. I totally understand what you're going through, as you see I've been there myself. The only difference is that my children are with so-called "Guardians". It is these people that are doing the alienating. Fortunately I have a wonderful judge who saw thru these people's attempts to cast me as "insane" and he ordered visitation. Unsupervised. Do they honor this court order? NO. Even before I went active duty the kids said they had to be back by a certain time, and the boy's watch was set 20 minutes early. These beautiful kids who used to smile and wave now shrink at the sight of me. I cannot even get them into my Reserve Center to sign them up for the Navy's health care plan! I go to the male guardians Myspace and guess what? HE CLAIMS THOSE KIDS ARE HIS! People, I share your frustration and at times your utter bewilderment and draining of will but where there is a will there is a way. I will again have my day in court here real soon and I will be fully armed with knowledge and facts this time around. Whether or not i can get this guardianship terminated, I cannot say but if I do succeed I know the toughest part will be overcoming the incredible damage inflicted here. Who knows what in hell they told the kids... To my kids: I love you. My door is always open to you no matter how badly you say you hate me. I will literally fight to the death for you. God help me! I want you back so much and for what it's worth I am sorry. Sorry for letting this happen as long as I did. I love you so much and I want you back. You are my heart. Without you I have no heart just an empty shell. Please the rest of you wish me luck and keep me in your prayers you are always in mine.
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My Story : I have not seen my daughter in six years (she was three and she turns 9 todsy). My daughter used to say, "momma says you're bad". My ex has turned my family against me and has called the police on me for no reason. I miss my daughter very much. Neither my own family (who sees my daughter regularly) nor my ex wife will allow me to have any phone or other contact with my daughter. This situation is very painful.
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My Story : My husband's ex-wife practices parental alienation on a regular basis. She tells the judge that they are scared of their dad and don't want to be with him. While they are here, they are happy. We never talk about their mother for fear that it might hurt them. On the other hand, she continually makes them feel guilty about having fun when they are here and has succeeded in making them hate me also. When they are here, she calls everyday. When they get off the phone, they are sad and sometimes cry. I can only assume she made them feel bad for enjoying quality time with their father. She has recently obtained supervised visitation through such events of her practice of parental alienation. She has not let him see the children for over an month and won't for another month. He cannot afford a lawyer, so he represents himself and loses. He is sad. He misses his children. He takes his anger out on the ones closest for now. There is nothing we can do. She plays the victim for nothing and blames him for divorcing her and now forces the children to hate him in her presence. It is very depressing that men have no rights.
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My Story : I am A mother of 4 children 2 from a previous marriage, My ex left me for a much younger girl. I moved over 2500 miles away from my ex to get a better life and that is when all of this starter I have not had a real visit with my two boys for more then 3 years My ex says that the children are better off with out me in there life. I love and miss my children very much. I break down and cry every time that I hear someone mention them or ask me about them.I don't have the money for court cost. So my ex has taken advantage of that. It is very painful for the children and they dont ask to e-mail me or anything about me, anytime that they do there step mother says that I am worthless and uses language that I cannot repeat. I can understand why parents break down. I have two other small children and my youngest pretends to play with my older two boys. He holds there pictures and askes me why can't I see my brothers. I dont know what to say to him so I tell him soon it is the only thing that can come out of my mouth. as I sit here crying not only for me and my family but for all the children out there who can not have A loving relationship with there non custodial parent I think to my self What could I have done different. I ask WHY do people act like this and use there children as A pawn in there game to hurt the other parent. I am not the only one that he is hurting but all of my children hurt.I wonder why the law can allow this to happen to our children. I mean that they are our future. I dont know what to do I end up in the bathroom floor crying cause it hurts so bad, so that my other children dont see me. I have to be strong for them and just keep praying that God will take care of it all. But he is not the only one. We are! We also need to stop the hurting and pain associated when A parent tries to use A child as a weapon to hurt the other parent. It not only hurts the children but it hurts the Siblings, Grandparents, ants, uncles, and friends
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My husband had a daughter in 1994, he fought for 5 years just to have visitation rights and to provide for his daughter. It all came to an end, or so we thought, in 1999 with my husband getting his visitation rights. We had her for 7 years. She became a big sister with the birth of our 3 children together and she also had 2 stepbrothers.
My stepdaughter requested more time to be spent with us from her mother this summer as a result, her mother used her summer visistation to brainwash this child into not wanting to come and see us anymore. It started with she doesn't feel well and doesn't want to come for the weekend, then developed into she doesn't want to see us anymore. We tried to work it out, we tried to speak to her and never got to. Our last phone conversation was on July 10th, 2006. We of course tried to get some help but had to contact a lawyer to file a petition, which then resulted in the mother going to the courts and obtaining a CPO against my husband and the false allegation of child abuse and other unthinkable things. So my husband's parental rights were taking until the CPO was resolved. We go to court and we can't believe that this was happening. We love her why would she says these things, why would she not ever want to see her baby brothers and sister. We thought okay this is bad how could this be happening, we had a good summer with her, what changed? Add insult to injury, they call Children's Services just a few days after the first court hearing on the CPO and say that we are abusing our other children. We had very little assistance from anyone.. Even when the Children Services closed their case and found nothing we were told that my husband could face jail if the judge believes the child.
What do we do??? Go into financial ruin and possibly my husband go to jail.. and our children lose their father???
We decided to let her go and we agreed to leave the CPO in place only if they changed the reasons for the CPO.. We can't not contact,see or anything his daughter for 5 years.. We lose our daughter and my children lost a sister... Its like a death in the family but there is no closure, there are no answers...
our story...
hilliard ohio
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My Story : I married young, when I was 16 years old. My marriage ended when I was 18. I had one child from the marriage, a daughter. My daughter was just over a year old when my ex and I separated. Just shortly after that I had a spinal cord injury from a fall, and I had to have extensive surgery on my back and I had to learn how to walk again. On the night that the accident happened, I was due in court that following morning for a custody hearing. I couldn't be there because of the injury. My ex got custody and my daughter went to live with him. I was hospitalized for two months and it took a while when I came home to fully recover. I was told when I had my injury that I would not be able to physically care for my child, and that was really hard to accept. It was emotionally devastating for me. I was able to get visits and a few years later I fought for more parenting time. My ex constantly fought me over the parenting time. As my child got older he told her things that were not true. Things like I didn't want her and that was why she was living with him. They told her my accident was caused because I was on drugs, which I wasn't. That was ruled out in my accident. And it was never determined what had caused my accident. For years they constantly told her that I didn't care about her. There were times when I would go to pick her up that she didn't want to go. I couldn't understand why. She was not allowed to call me mom, only by my first name in her home. In time she did start to call me mom. My child started school in a private school and it was very difficult to get information on her and how she was doing in school. My ex made it very difficult and so did his church. For years it was a constant battle just to have my child in my life. It should not have been so difficult. I knew that the only way I would be able to have a relationship with my daughter without her father's interference was when she would be 18. That kept me going through all of the heartache and pain. When my daughter was in her teens she started to get into trouble and she wouldn't go to school. She ended up in trouble and had to go to court. She was very rebellious. Her dad let her stay with me off and on during this time but he would not give me custody. He blamed me for her problems. My daughter was constantly running away and getting into trouble. About this time my ex moved his family out of state. My daughter went a month later and I didn't get to see her until two months later, when she had to appear in juvenile court. She was 16 at the time. That was the last time I ever seen her. Two months later, she died in a house fire at her dad's. It was devastating. A part of me didn't want to believe it. I thought, how can this happen, I lost her once, and now, I lost her forever. All of my hopes of having a relationship with her were shattered. They were gone. The hardest part of it all was how I was treated after her death. I was excluded from making any buriel or funeral arrangements. My dad offered a burial plot and to fly her body home, but my ex refused. He ended up having my daughter cremated without telling me until it was already done. A funeral was held without me or my family being informed. I was crushed and so was my family. I was treated as if I never existed in her life. My ex came a few weeks later to our state and held a memorial service. It was held at his family's church and my family and friends were separated on one side of the church, and his family and church members were seated on the other side. You could sense the tension in the room. During the service, I was not mentioned as her mother, and my family was not mentioned. I was heartbroken. My daughter had just died. This should have been a time of coming together, not a time of cruelty. I do not know to this day where my daughters remains are. My dad said after the service that I should take my ex to court and get half of the ashes. I said "no". My daughter would not have wanted that. I said, her life was always about us fighting, I will not make her death about that too. It has been five years since she passed away. There is not a day that I don't think about her. I wish I could have had a relationship with her without her father's interference. My daughter did not get to have a normal childhood. She did not get to have a normal mother-daughter relationship. I wish of anything she could have had that.
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My Story : My divorce was a very nasty one....worse then the movie Kramer vs Kramer...I had to fight all the legal manuvers my ex and her lawyer pulled on me and my children...If I hadn't had the money and a great lawyer I never would have seen my boys...my ex's idea of seeing my boys was at a McDonald's resturant one night a week for 2hours...I was served Protection abuse papers(another ploy to get me to leave my home)when we went to court the judge asked me "Mr E are you sure you really want to move back with your wife undern the same roof"???? he was concerned for me, but I missed my kids...the wife left my home and took the kids...when things wouldn't go her way she became nastier...I was always going to court for something and having to defend my and my kids rights...I became depressed and was taking care of by a shrink...I never told the ex for obvious reasons...as luck would have it I lost my good paying job...now it was back to court for support for this and that...she was relentless....everything she did was money driven she did continue to bring the boys to me,but only because the courts would have slammed her... I took on a job that had me working 70 to 80 hours and weekends...now I was missing time with the boys just to keep her(and her lawyer)and the courts off my back for money....eventually I came to a very low point in all this and my ex found out...actually I called and told her all about it...here I was crying on the phone telling this person about everything...misssing my boys, having to fight for eveything to see them,her using the court system to strong arm me when she knew I was down....I must have really lost my mind at that point to think I could touch a warm spot in that cold cold heart of hers, but I tried anyways...now she stepped up on everything I was back in court again...she vowed one Christmas (2000) that I would never see my boys again and she made good with her promise..I had no money or will...I was both broke financially and emotionally...my shrink knew my situation and how hopleless I was becoming...he had me file for Social Secuirty Disability...I didn't want to but the idea was to get money to the kids and their mother to keep he off my back...Well I got my Disability and got her money but she wanted more...it was back to court for back childsupport...I had my monthy check garnished now and no kids and no money to fight to get my kids back....now there was no phoning...my oldest son all of a sudden took his mom's position...he told me he hated me and he would "kill me" if I tried to make contact with him or his brother....the ex moved 3 yrs ago across state...where I don't have a clue...It is a secret...I have seen my boys 3 times in 7 yrs...twice at my dad's nursing home before he died and then at my dad's funeral...my boys would look at me and then their mother and then they turned and walked away...I love my boys' more than anything and miss them all the time...the oldest is set to graduate from college next month...I wasn't allowed to attend his graduation from high school...the youngest is going to be 16 this year...he is mildly retarded....there is a lot more to my story....like I lived across from the boys mothers parents and when they would come to visit them (and it was often when they lived near by)they never once stopped in to say hi or anything...I had their christmas presents at the front door for 2 yrs hoping they would come by...but no they didn't.....I never knew someome who could be that mean and act that way with their own children and here I married one...now its ..."hope that one of the boys grow a backbone and want to see me after all these yrs...I could never be mad at them for this...I grew them up better and they know better.....
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My Story : i have known my husbands ex for about 10 years and i know for a fact that she has told his boys that their dad is " a piece of crap and doesn't do anything for them".The boys have told us she has said this to them. They are 15 and almost 13, but you see my husband has always been a part of their lives, even though she has moved 9 times in 10 years and has tried her best to make it difficult for him to see them. Believe me she has made his life pure hell for the last 10 years !!!! but the boys know she is lying. The oldest has even said he has heard her lying to a friend of hers on the phone and he said he wanted to tell her to shut up and that he knows that it is not true. My husband has traveled thousands of miles to see his boys and to make sure they know their grandparents on his side of the family, and we now live in Virginia and his parents live in New Hampshire !!!!! but i have a feeling things are going to be getting worse. She ( his ex) honestly has some mental issues!!! she would like nothing more than for him to not see his boys and she has not made it easy for him, but recently we got a lawyer because she was gonna try and move again!! from bristol, virginia to columbia, South Carolina and did not give him 30 days notice, and my husband is not going to let her move again. He is gonna do whatever he can to stop her. Kids need stability. i also believe that when he is talking to his sons on the phone that she hovers over them. he said that sometimes he can tell when she is around. anyway something needs to be done about these women ( men) and stop this crazy behavior !!!! the woman from my view gets away with things that they would never let a man do !!!!! and i am a woman i have seen both sides and the man gets screwed most of the time !!! if they ( the man) try to do things the right way the courts look at them like they are deadbeats like most of the other deadbeats, but there are i believe a lot more good dads who just want to see their kids without all the hassle that sometimes comes from the mother !!!
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My Story : This story is about my husband, who I have seen suffering for so many years due to the frustation of not being able to fullfiled his roll as a fulltime father. The light came to me when I was watching on TV Alex Baldwin's apology to his daughter in relation to his voicemail left on her phone. I condemed the strong language that he used, but on the other hand, I recognized the same frustation that he was going through, with the one of my husband's. But the light came when he gave this frustation a name "Parent Alienation", I ran to my computer and there it was all the signs and symptoms that I have since unfolded in all these years. Suddenly, it was like a doctor finally was able to diagnose this chronic and long lasting disease that my husband has beeing experimenting. I read, and read and read and sadly saw revealed to me in a professional way, how thousand of parents are literally robbed from the fullfilment of doing a good roll in parenthood. When it comes to your child, you want the best, and being the best parent that you can is one of them but that parent alienation attitude has taken this dream away. But the person that get hurts the most....your child, the one that you want to protect so much and can not. I feel so sorry for my husband's child because he is going to have very limited memories with his father. We all know that time is precious and once its gone, there is no going back. So readers, do you want to know the end of his story? My husband tried to fight in the court with no success. In the meantime, his son has been living such an unsteady life. He has a baby sister with no father, then he has gone through his mother's second divorce, then his mother's third marriage which brought 4 stepsisters and living now on welfare. On the other hand, my husband remarried only once, we have a peacefull home, no children, own house, and a modest but confortable status. Where is my husband's son........ living with her parents and my husband can not do anything about it! What is wrong with this picture????
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Name : Seawind
My Story : I find I must write here, although I cannot yet put my story together chronologically. It will have to be done a piece at a time and most likely working backwords. On Miracles: Miracles happen out of extreme love and selflessness. Miracles are the result of perserverance, patience, hard work and friends who will never let you give up. Miracles happen when you make yourself emotionally available in spite of the circumstances. Miracles are the mastery of complete commitment. I am the mother of a daughter now in college. She has a life full of promise and friends and has enjoyed exceptional experiences in our community. She is poised and open and eager and caring. Her ties to family have been fully restored; her bright smile comes easy. Her self-esteem and confidence are keen. She has grown into the most extraordinary young woman! She has purpose and satisfaction and joy in her life and I am proud and grateful for the journey we have made together. We are survivors of a nightmare I thought would never end. She is my miracle. Miracles happen. sw. p.s. I am submitting this because when I was looking for information eight years ago, there was little in the form of happily-ever-after stories. The few I found gave me hope and courage when I felt none.
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My Story : When I heard Alec Baldwin's outburst toward his 11 year-old, I immediately saw (felt) the symptoms. I had no idea that this organization existed until I heard a news report today. As Mr. Baldwin agrees, his actions were totally wrong. Although I have never spoken that way to either of my children, I have felt the same aggression and frustration. I was the father who was totally involved in my kids lives. The teachers at my children's school knew me better than my wife, although I was the primary breadwinner and worked a full-time job. After 13 years of marriage, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce. Our children were 11 and 9. They were devastated, especially our daughter. Shortly before our divorce hearing, my son told me he wanted to live with me. Our custody battle lasted 11 months. The judge placed custody with my wife. A few months after our divorce, my wife married the man with whom she was having the affair. During the separation period, things went pretty well, with only a few difficult times. After our divorce, I bought a house relatively close to our old one, and it seemed a good compromise for the kids - easy access to both parents. However, after she remarried and moved the children approximately 45 minutes away. Things deteriorated quickly. My kids, especially my son, seemed to react negatively to anything I tried to do. Soon, I felt as though I was made to feel I was intruding any time I wanted to spend time with my kids. Our weekends together became farther and farther apart, due to other interests the kids had. Deterioration has continued to the point where I now expect nothing. Six years after the divorce, I see them a few times a year. Some time around Christmas for a couple of hours is a given - never Christmas day, that's reserved for their mom - plus a few other informal times. I am close to totally giving up, if I haven't already. I have tried all approaches, and they've all failed. I long for the intimacy we used to have. I coached them in sports, helped them with their homework, tucked them in each night. I was the first one my daughter would tell when she had a new boyfriend, or if she and one of her girlfriends were cross at each other. My son and I spent countless hours in the yard playing. I long... It truly feels as though they are worse than dead. I'm trying to forgive and move on, but the pain just doesn't go away. I don't claim that I was a perfect husband or parent, but I was totally committed and faithful to my wife and kids. After my wife announced she filed for divorce, her sister told me that I should get the kids because I was the better parent. Her mom told me that I would always be her boy. I constantly wonder what they're doing. I simply miss them so badly that it hurts. With sadness, bn
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My Story : My story, like most, begins with divorce some 12 years ago (1995). My adopted children were young, just 2 and 4 years old. My ex-wife and I had a typical arrangement with visitation at the beginning. I would see the children every other weekend and on various Holidays per our court agreement. We lived just a few minutes away from each other. Almost immediatley, the ex set the tone of the divorce as I came to pick up the children the first time. Dutifully, I went to the door and rang the bell, expecting a short, civil, but curt exchange as I received the children. What I got instead was the door opening just a crack as the children exited and then the door slammed in my face. After several attempts at the door I got the message and just honked the horn, the children came out on their own. It has always been this way. After going through the next four and a half years of difficult problems, like not being able to talk to the children when I called, having the phone lines disconnected by cats, and no one at home to receive the children when they returned, I was pretty much resigned to a bad situation. Naturally, after some time, (one year) I met my current wife, we began living together and were blending my kids into her family of two sisters, a brother, and nieces and nephews. I hit a really bad patch in my career in 1998 and was out of work for about 9 months. I was getting deeper in debt keeping up my support payments and my ex was working and doing well. I had to go back to court to get a reduction in support as I continued to look for work. I got the reduction as expected,. but that caused my ex to dump the children us at the end of their summer visit.(August 1999) This was done in a horrible way (an explitive filled phone message, remind you of anything?) with no notice to us or the children. This was followed the next day by finding all of the childrens belongings, toys, clothes, etc. dumped on our front porch. I left the ex a message saying this was premature as we needed to work everything out with the lawyers. Next day, more stuff on the porch. We tried to calm the children, who were by then 6 and 8 years old. We told them how happy we were to have them live with us and that their mother couldn't do it any more, but they would still vist her. It made our reationship solid and my wife and I were married about nine months later. (no more children). We thought this would be the best for everyone. During the next six years we tried to create a loving, nurturing, consistant, home. We even took parenting classes to help us. I got the children into therapy almost immediately as I began to identify loyalty issues in the children. It became apparent that the ex's style of parenting was very different from ours. She never wanted to be the bad guy (perhaps guilt from the dumping) and showered them with gifts, clothes, and even a dog for my daughter.She never would by consistant with our discipline, telling the children she didn't think it was fair. The relationship onlyu became more strained. After only two weeks into what was her summer visit with the children in 2004, she returned my daughter with all her belongings in a trash bag saying she couldn't handle her and that she was disrespectful, etc. We kept both of the children for the remainder of the summer. The acting out was an obvious manifestation of the over all problem with the two households. It only got worse. My ex called my son "stupid" after a bad report card and he was very upset with his mother. We had him write her a letter to vent his feelings and after a short time encouraged him to see her again.They seemed to have gotton over that hump. I wish I could say the same for my daughter. At one point in 2004, the ex began making noises about seeing the children more. We had just reversed the situation we started with, with her visiting every other weekend. I spoke to the children and they wanted to keep it the way it was. I didn't push it because of the lack of consistancy between the two houses. I thought any more time would only make the problem worse. In June of 2005 my daughter began talking about living with her Mother. After some sessions with our therapist and everyones agreement my daughter went to live with her Mom at the beginning of June 2005. All was well for a short time. My daughter has always been difficult. She has always been a disruption on our home. My wife dosen't put up with any nonsense. We have expectations of the children as far as school and chores are concerned. They make their own beds, do their own laundry, fold their own clothes, empty trash, and do dishes. They are members of the household unit, not guests. Things began to go bad not long into the school year for my daughter and my ex. Her first report card in the seventh grade had 4 fails, a D, and a C. She had done much better in the sixth grade. We had explored the possibility of an IEP( individual education program) through the LAUSD(Los Angeles Unified School District). We had a program in place which placed her in classes with more than one teacher, had an aide make sure she was getting to classes on time, etc. Along about November, the ex said she wanted to bring my daughter back to our house. They had experienced some disagreements and my ex said she couldn't handle it. Well, the arrangement we had all made with the therapist took this into account and we all decided that going back and forth was not an option. We declined. Things began to go bad quickly after that. The ex wife became adamant that my daughter return. It was clear in speaking with my daughter that she did not want to return. When she came for her visit before christmas, it was disasterous. She was obsinate, defiant and rude. She had a lot of homework to do and wouldn't do it. She finially went back tio her mother's early. When my wife and I returned from a short vacation, between christmas and new years, we were greeted with a letter from the ex explaining that my daughter would be returning to our home because she (the ex) had an abnormal breast biopsy. My daughter returned to our home on Jan. 2nd 2006 and it was very very difficult. She hated every thing about us. On a visit, our theapist said, "she has been programmed to hate you".Then we were informed in early March by the ex that she would be leaving town for work for the next three weeks. During this time my daughter began telling us about how she was going to go back living with her Mom and that she was going to go to court to get money. When the ex returned, I confronted her with this information which she confirmed. She explained that they, she and my daughter, were going to move to New Mexico. My daughter went back to the ex's house because by then, we were the enemy. They went to New Mexico at spring break to check it out and when they returned, that plan was abandoned. Back at school, the ex removed all the IEP support for my daughter and the grades went down and down. Suddenly, the abnormal biopsy became cancer. Chemo and radiation to follow. I was served for support in June and went to court in Dec. 2006. Prior to that, in October my ex again tried to return my daughter, dropping all her belongings in our yard and trying to leave her with my wife at home while I was at work. My wife refused. Three weeks later she sent us a letter telling us that my daughter would be staying with us for a week while she (the ex) went to New York to visit family. We refused. Would she come back to get her, she hates us now. We didn't know. This of course, was all done with the attorneys involved, so all at a big expence. After court, near the end of Dec., a judgement was made for support and visitation. On Jan. 8, 2007, we get a letter saying that they, my ex and daughter, are moving to New York. My ex has family there. We went back to the attorneys to alter the judgement and to give permission to move. Nothing was responded to and they left anyway. I have not seen or spoken to my daughter for over five months. I got a letter from her in early March saying not to call her or write her, she didn't want anything to do with us. My son went to visit there over Easter break, we sent candy and a card to my daughter. How is it that the children lived with us for over six years and that do not hate their Mother, despite the things she has done. My daughter was with my ex for six months and we are the enemy. PAS !! This is the short hand version of the story, only the most salient points. The details are even more revealing. Please feel fre to contact me if you need anything more. Thank you.
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My Story : After a brief marriage which dissolved after 2 years and 5 months, I have spent the past 7 years and 3 months battling to preserve my relationship with my son. I have not been victimized by the overt parental alienation that many face. The alienation that I experience is somewhat more subtle. Nevertheless, within the past month, I have arrived at my son's school to drop off my step-son and on another occasion I was on campus volunteering in my son's classroom. In each of these instances, my ex-wife arrived approximately the same time that I arrived at the school. I observed my ex-wife escorting my son from her car. My son saw me and wanted to walk over and say good morning. My ex-wife deliberately marched my son in the opposite direction, and then as my son turned around to walk towards me his mother chastised him, saying, "Get along to class, baby. Hurry up!" My son was not late for class. He clearly had 2 minutes to say, "good morning" to his daddy. Nevertheless, this is the way that mom likes to manipulate our son. I can see the frustration on his face, but there is little that I can do. His mother has placed him squarely in the middle. I am thankful, because just a few years ago, my ex-wife's favorite tactic for alienating the child was to request almost daily welfare checks from the police department and CPS on the days when my son was in my custody. It was terrible to have to contend with my son's frustration as to why we had to interrupt whatever activity that we were involved in to take a visit from the police or a call from CPS, but although I have successfully extricated the police and CPS involvement in this case, the singular experience that aggravates me to no end is the encouragement of the courts in regards to these alienating behaviors. In fact, the courts have appointed not less than 6 Ph.Ds to participate in the various machinations surrounding this child custody case. On one occasion, I urged my ex-wife to stay away from my son's soccer practices. I was coaching and my ex-wife had been behaving very threateningly at previous practices, so I felt that it would be less stressful for my son if she stayed away. Certainly, in the legal sense, she held the key to her own liberty in this regard. All she needed to do was to promise to observe quietly, just like the other parents, during the soccer practices and she would be welcomed, but instead, her lawyer argued that this was alienation on my part! It made no difference that I explained that she was welcomed at all of our son's soccer games. This in contrast with her conviction for aggravated harassment which resulted in a 3-year probation. The courts paid no attention to mother's excesses, but I was chastised for each and every error in judgment that I have made during the past 7 years. Now the courts are asking me to pay for the privilege of having all of these Ph.Ds to ensure that there is no harm to the child. The courts never cease to disappoint. Thank you for all that you are doing.
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My Story : I have been divorced seven years now. It started with spousal verbal abuse and then led to physical and emotional abuse. I have 3 beautiful children. My message is a message for the determined and is full of hope. I had the "perfect life", junior league wife,stay at home mom drove the suv...etc...and endured hours of harse verbal abuse. As I grew in my outside interests, his abuse worsened. Finally the physical abuse began.. I debated and begged for almost two years..while he lived basically upstairs..this entire time. He led me to beleive he was having an affair.during this time as well. When the physical abuse begin I knew I could not stay, I had three children a daughter 13 and two sons 2 and 6. A year later after much prayer and begging, he was convinced to move out...after an episode that scared even him in front of the boys. You see this man is particularly proud, which is probably why my life has been spared thus far. In any case... I begin to try to put myself a case together. I had 26(yes twenty six)taped conversations that included physical threat, physical harassment with my boys present in the background screaming please dont hurt mommy.. and then the trials begin. You see we were an upper class white family who could afford attorneys..(big mistake)and the circus begin. We had pscyhiatrists..depositions..the works. But the bottom line came down to a judge who would not allow the tapes to be played in court (she said they could be "selective"...26 selective tapes...whatever..just pick 3 then)and did not like the way I looked or the fact that in her mind I had a "charmed life".. this man was awarded joint custody even after admitting to physically harming me (just once was his admission)..and now seven years later..he has disowned his now 20 yr old daughter because she was willing to go before a judge and testify against him..when he started screaming at her the way he screamed at me..and blocking her physically in a room....then I put a stop to it and used my last 1,000.00 dollars to meet them in court and get full custody of her. ANd this whole time he has denied me contact with the boys when he has them week on week off...I have to go to their school or contact them thru friends to see them..he makes them afriad to come near me when they are with them and we are at a school or athletic event. He continues to refuse to give my name or contact information for any paperwork, he gives the stepmother as their "mother" information...and last year I regained full legal custody due to this information and two teachers actually testifying againest him... I did not seek Physical custody becasue at this time both of my boys are discovering on their own,,,that he is not " good role model" or capable of telling the truth..so I could not be made out to be the bad guy by "physically wrenching them away from him via court"...I am letting them come to that decision on their own. Recently (easter) bought my now 14 yr old a cell phone for easy communication..and the second time I contacted him via this he ran away from his Dads(to my house) because his Dad had a "breakdown" over speaking to me on the phone. I continue to stay active in their school,and extra curricular acitivites(although sometimes I am late on the finding out)even serving as team Mom lots of times just so I can get all of the info.. I am prayerful that someday they will realize that they do not have to make a "choice'...that real unconditional love is right here waiting...as it has been all along. I model this everyday..as does their new step dad..
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My Story : I am married to the father of an 8 year old son. My husband only lived with his son for the first 4 months of his life. At that time his ex-wife moved 10 hours away to live with her first ex husband and attempted to have my stepson learn to call that man daddy. Needless to say she didn't last with that man and has been married to her 3rd husband since my stepson was 2. During this time we have attempted to have my stepson during every court ordered visitation and more if and when possible. He has lived 6 hours away and we have driven each time. My husband has been accused of sexual molestation of his son. We have had to hire lawyers to defend us and pay for lie detector tests to prove our innocence. Meanwhile, the new husband has failed a polygraph that focused on him being the abuser as well as coaching the son to point the finger at his dad. He is a methodone user and we still have not been able win custody. After my husband's visitation was given back to him, we have had one problem after another. Phone calls are only allowed on her terms. She dodges phone calls so my husband can not talk to his son. After dealing with that for 7 years, we bought my stepson a cell phone with a parental lock on it for his 8th birthday. Now his mother refuses to allow him to turn it on at her house. She got my stepson to say he didn't want to visit in Feb. and when we went to pick him up with an officer present, she tried to provoke my husband into hitting her. Which of course he didn't. Then she took my stepson to a counselor and told in front of him how she "thought" my husband was going to hit her and then he would have gone to jail. She never allows my stepson to choose to stay longer with us when he wants to in the summer or long visits, but she let him choose that weekend by taking him to visit family he had not seen for awhile. If it were not for the papers we would never see my stepson. She denies visitation about 2-3 times a year. To take her to court over these times will not help, but cost us money we don't have. We are very discouraged by the family court system and how one sided it is. Even CPS has failed to follow though when my stepson has cried out for help in the past. Fortunately, my stepson is seeing what is happening much of the time and we are able to be positive with him while he is with us. He is waiting to be able to say where he wants to live. Right now, he just wants to be able to call his dad when he wants to. He is very upset that his mother doesn't allow him to call unless she wants to. Thank you for reading this and good luck to all fathers out there that are going through unfair bias. Sincerely, Midland, TX
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My Story : Where do I begin? A loving mom,,,, Volunteer in Elementary school. Member of Parent teachers group and sports booster. In an abusive marriage for 24 yrs with two adolescent sons. A professional, trying to hide my despair, I managed to keep it together until my youngest son was a senior in high school. I left their father and filed for divorce after he graduated... that was 2002 and I haven't seen my sons since then... except for when they were dressed in their suits with ties and cell phones, prepared to testify against me, because I was taking their inheritance and retirement. It is still hard for me to believe that they would behave this way, but I understand.. because I lived with their father long enough to know his persuasive and controlling ways... I was victim to it, and found it difficult to leave. I only hope my sons understand this and find a way to see the light. I am not suggesting that they leave their father, but open their eyes to what their mother has to offer to them... a warm and loving heart.. unconditional and true. I think of them on special events, anniversaries, and holidays. I an reminded if them when certain songs are played on the radio. I people who resemble them or whose voices sound like theirs. I turn around, hoping to see them. The phone rings.. I hope it is them. I look through the mail, hoping they send me a letter ot card. I am asking for too much, and shed tears in acknowledgement. I have no friends that can this experience; no one knows how I feel. Where do I turn? How many unanswered letters/emails do I send? I pray that someday they understand. Love and Peace.
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My Story : Memoirs of a 'Dead Beat Dad' I am 38 years old and have been in the trenches now for 8 1/2 years. I have 2 wonderful children - an 11 year old son 11 and a daughter 15. To say the least there is never a good divorce, only different degrees of bad. Like so many people out there we could not make things work after councelling, family and friends etc. so on September 1998 I moved out of the matrimonial home. At the time my wife and I had been together 8 years. If I knew then what I know now I would have never moved out. I stayed years longer than I should have for the children but thought it would be better for the family if my wife and I separate. The first 6 months were extremely difficult with all of the difficulties of access, he said - she said etc. To make things worse I had to make the difficult decision to petition for sole custody of my children. I have never believed in sole custody but unfortunately my ex-wife suffers from clinically diagnosed Bi-Polar Disorder and has been institutionalized in the past for repeated suicide attempts. So now I get a Psychiatric Evaluation started on the whole family unit. I don't regret getting this done as it was the right thing to do but this was the start of the systematric removal of me out of our children's life. To quote the phrase ' a women scorned' will never touch on how things went from this point. After 1 1/2 years of evaluation and court appearances I was denied custody based on these facts: 1. I was working full time and my wife was unemployed to be home with the children. 2. My son was not of school age, they did not want him in daycare. 3. My wife had a daughter from a previous relationship who was deaf and they did not want to separate them. 4. My wife had mental health issues but was on medication and was receiving councelling so they felt she was 'on the road to recovery'. Result - denial of petition - sole custody granted to my ex-wife but I had 'Joint Guardianship' This, my friends amounts to a hill of Beans in the real world. If I can give anyone advise do not for one second ever give up Joint Guardianship. Without this you are defenceless. From this point my ex made it her sole job in life to remove me. 1st came the abuse allegatons against my children. After review and months of stress results - totally fabricated but no accountablility on the allegations. Next was the abuse allegations against me from my ex - once again months of stress and $$$ charges are dropped. All the while I am having to pick up my children at pre-determind locations, my time with the children is becoming less and less. at this point is when I noticed my daughte was starting to sound and act very similar to my ex towars me. This attach continued for another 2 years until it got to a point my daughter decided she did not want anything to do with my and stopped coming over. When I came to pick up my son she would avoid me, she started to fabricate lies about me. I was in a hell. In 2001 I was offered a tremendous opportunity to relocate to another city for work and chose to move. I was able to recover my relationship for a short while with my children, flying them up, paying all expenses, child support, private school tuition etc. when my ex found out i had met someone the whole campaign kicked into high gear again. More allegations this time against my step daughter, after initial interview with police investigation dropped. The next 4 years went along like this - I saw my children 3 times in 4 years. I would get to talk to them every 2-3 months if i was lucky. I had no access to see them, no phone access, she decided to pull them out of school and home school. When I contacted the school district I was not given any information even after I faxed a copy of the divorce agreement stating I had full access to their school records. Jump forward to April 19/2007 I have seen my children 3 hours in the last 3 years. I have had gifts returned unopened, continual phone tirades by my ex, my daughter does not want anything to do with me. My son is not allowed to have a relationship with his father. I have seen countless lawyers and they all tell me the same thing. It will cost you thousands in fees and multiple visits to tthe courts and unless my ex decides she wants to let me see the children I might as well burn my money. I have chosen to keep phone recordings, a log, photocopies of everything in the hopes that one day my children may want to ask me why I didn't want a relationship with them. I can then show them the information and let them make up their own minds.
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My Story : I am a divorced mother of three children. Two children (boys 12 and 14) from the marriage, and a daughter (19). I've been divorced since 1997. In 2004 my ex-husband filed a motion for custody of the boys. It was a vicious two year battle that ended in July of 2006 when I gave up the fight for the sake of my children's emotional well being. I agreed to let the boys go live with their father. They moved in with their dad in August of 2006. By October, my youngest son did not want to have anything to do with me. He did not want to visit; he did not want me involved at school or any aspect of his life. He accused me of interfering with his life. He even told me that everything is my fault. He hasn't been to my house or seen anyone on my side of the family since October of last year. I call him about five times per week. I pray with him over the phone, I asked him about school, and how his day is going. His response is always the same. Hostile! He wants nothing to do with me. He blames me for everything that has happened. He even told me that he is not sure if I am his mother. He even told me he doesn't need a mother. We used to have a very close and loving relationship. He was even called a "Mama's boy". Nobody in the family can believe he has turned on me like this. You see, his father was alienated from his mother at the tender age of three. He was taken from his mother and taken to a country in the middle-east and left there for five years. His father told him that he was going to the store and that he would be right back. His father didn't come back for five years. He was then brought back to the US to live with his father and new step-mother. It wasn't until I married him that he developed somewhat of a relationship with his mother. He told me that his father and step-mother would say terrible things about his mother, and he believed it. He wanted nothing to with her when he was a child. He is doing the same to his children. I know for a fact he has put the phone to children's ear only to hear me something derogatory when we argued, and have also let them read text messages I've sent. It's all part of the manipulation. My daughter has told me when she used to go to his house, she would hear her dad and her step-mother call me names and say horrible things that no child should hear about their parent. She told me she hated me when she was younger because of things she heard them say about me. As she got older however, she started seeing the truth for herself. As a result, my ex-husband cut her out of his life, and told her that he is no longer her father. My son had an emotional break-down and wanted nothing to do with me. My daughter developed anxiety attacks and became so emotionally distraught that she barely graduated from high-school. They have both been through counseling since then and are doing better. Though I have a good relationship with my oldest son now, I realize the psychological affect it has had on him. I know he is torn between the two of us; caught in the middle. He tries hard to comfort me. He wants to spend time with me and his sister. He tells me that his brother will come around eventually. I feel so lost and helpless. The courts do not recognize PAS in California, so I feel there is no recourse for me. I am willing to do what ever it takes to fix this. I just want my kids to be okay. I have tried to talk to my ex about counseling, but he refuses. I feel my youngest son slipping farther and farther away. Please help me to help my kids. They are being destroyed! What ever I can do to get the word out, I am willing to do. Your website gives me hope! Thank you from Sacramento, CA
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My Story : My story is too long for the space, however, I will do my best to say that this syndrome exists and is one of the most harmful legally sanctioned forms of abuse for the child and the alienated parent. My daughter was used as a pawn in the game that exists after the divorce. I wasn't surprise because I witnessed my step children's alienation from their father and I was threatened that the same would happen to me if I divorce my ex-wife. Today, I am dying with cancer and my daughter is aware of my condition. She has two daughters that I do not know their names. My daughter is walking the same path as her mother. Her children belong to her and she is in total control over their lives. As a 6 year old, my daughter witnessed her mother berate me for taking her to see my wife's mother on my visitation. My daughter was rolled up in a ball in the corner of the living room and I could do nothing to comfort her. I have had the laser sights of a high powered rifle on my chest when I came to pick my daughter up for visitation and my daughter was told that I didn't come for her visitation. I have had a rifle butt slammed to the side of my head and the local sheriff refused to accompany me to pick up my daughter. As my daughter grew, she began by writing me a note that she wanted to see me on a particlar day and time. When I arrived, she would be gone. There were times that I didn't know where she was living and I had to hunt her down through school records only to find that her mother removed her from school. Now that I am unable to work and pay support on my 21 year old daughter, my disability check is garnished. This is the only money that comes into my household because my wife cares for me. My state does not recognize parental alienation and now, it is too late for me to have any reconsiliation with my daughter. Until the courts recognize that they are a party to vindictive ex spouses, the non custodial parent has the burden financially, but they have no rights to the child that they loved and adored. These are highlights, the details are more sinister and very ugly. (including my daughter was used by her mother to raise rent money by offering my 16 year old daughter for sex. I couldn't prove it so nothing was done). I am sick and I have lost my child. I have heard nothing from my daughter since I informed her that I have cancer and I am in terminal stages. Please, help the alienated parents to change the court system so that these children will have a better chance to be balanced human beings. My daughter is re enacting what her mother did to her. My ex wife is bi-polar which explains a lot, by my daughter has adopted her behavior because it works. My grandchildren will never know what a secure and happy home is. Can someone not help them before it is too late?
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My Story : I have not seen my son since November 2006 when his mother got mad at me. She won't let him talk to me or his grandmother. We have been in his life since birth and he is now 7. She has told him things like if you go see your grandmother you will never see mommy again. It hurts mommy when you are not around and mommy isn't happy and has no fun without him being around. She is with a man she wants to be a father figure for my son. According to my son he drinks a lot and they often fight. He pushed mommy on the floor when she threw up on the baby bag. Don't tell mommy I'll get in trouble (he starts crying). Mommy says its ok to lie and keep secrets. This is just the tip of the ice berg I have no idea what's going on in his life and if she finds out that he has talked about what's going on he will pay the price. I was recently told she was going to let me see him so I sent the following text message. "Hello V, My lawyer said I could see D this weekend. I'd like to meet in the middle at Dennis. would 7am Saturday morning work or is there a better time? I will return him to the same place on Sunday at 6pm. We can arrange all of the future things through our lawyers. END Her response to my text was: I was going to give you visitation but your demanding attitude just screwed you. Demanding where and when, please. You think I'm stupid, I feel sorry for you. Needless to say she still won't let me see my son and given what she says to him and the environment in which he is being raised its abusive to him. He has said that he has not been touched or physically abused but I think mentally he is being abused. He is allowed to play a computer as much as he likes and to watch television until he falls asleep nightly to keep him occupied. These are just the things I remember. Her goal is to keep me out of his life as much as possible. I remember him asking on one visit if he would ever see his mommy again to which I replied of course you will, you are spending two nights with daddy then I'm going to take you right back to you mommy. He worries that she is suffering when he is not with her. I'm in Illinois and confused as to what I should actually do to make sure he has a happy balanced life
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My Story : I remember testifying in court. The attorney asked why my sister-in-law would not be a good candidate for custody. I told them simply that she would do as she had with her first three children and disappear. She had been awarded custody of her first set of twins and promptly put them up for adoption. Then relentlessly went after the child awarded to her first ex-husband. I have heard and seen that she has advertised for her 'missing' children recently. She moved in with someone she met on line, disappeared, and did a smear campaign on line in several chat rooms against not only my brother, but the rest of us as well. She contacted my employer and tried to have me fired. She defied all courts in the process of denying my brother his children, to which the courts responded by cutting off all child support. Amazing, but true. She is still out there in her own fantasy world. We've had contact with one of the children; but fear the others are lost to us as they are "just like Mom." It's been 9 years. The pain is likened to a missing child, because we know they are out there, somewhere, but each attempt to contact them is met with histrionics by her; attempts to arrest us for harrassment of HER. After all, it is all about her, isn't it? Couldn't ever be that we want the relationship that was stolen from us by her cruelty. (She would privately gloat over this.)
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My Story : HELLO. IT HAS BEEN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO COPE WITH THE LOSS OF MY DAUGHTER. I AM THE MOTHER OF 6 CHILDREN. I AM THE CURRENT CUSTODIAL PARENT OF 5 CHILDREN. I HAVE BEEN ALIENATED FROM CONTACT WITH HER BY HER FATHER. THE MATTER OF MY DAUGHTER'S RETURN HOME- HER TOTAL SEPARATION FROM US,HER FAMILY OF ORIGIN. FALSE ACCUSATIONS ALTHOUGH UNFOUNDED STILL , REMENTIONED CONSISTENTLY WITHOUT BASIS HAS BEEN IN THE FAMILY COURT SYSTEM IN PENNSYLVANIA SINCE FEBRUARY,2005 I WOULD SAY THAT MY X-HUSBAND CERTAINLY APPEARS AS THOUGH HE IS A VERY LOVING, CARING FATHER. I HAVE WITNESSED HIS ABILITY TO SYSTEMATICALLY USE THE COURT SYSTEM AS HIS SHIELD OF ARMOR AND WEAPON. THE 'PAIN' OF SEPARATION FROM YOUR CHILD IS EXCRUCIATING. IT WOULD BE EASIER FOR ME TO CONTINUE WITH THIS UNRELENTING QUEST TO REGAIN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAUGHTER IF PEOPLE BECAME AWARE THAT ALL ALIENATORS ARE NOT WOMEN. MEN LIKE MY X-HUSBAND DO EXIST. HE IS A VERY ANGRY PERSON WHO HAS INTENT TO DO HARM. HIS ABILITY TO MANIPULATE OTHERS IS SOMETHING THAT HE DOES VERY WELL. HE APPEARS HONEST, CARING AND VERY PROTECTIVE. BEING ON THE DEFENSIVE END OF HIS ATTACKS I HAVE WATCHED AS MANAGES TO PERSUADE PEOPLE WITH DISHONEST STATEMENTS. HE SEEMS TO INTERNALIZE WHAT HE SAYS. I THINK HE AND OTHERS WHO USE CHILDREN THIS WAY HAVE THIS OVERWHELMING SENSE OF THE NEED TO FEEL JUSTIFIED AND IMPORTANT. HE MUST ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT WHAT HE IS SAYING IS TRUE BECAUSE OF HOW EASILY HE CONVINCES HIMSELF AND OTHERS IMMEDIATELY WITH HIS UNTRUE STATEMENTS. MOTHERS CAN ALSO BE VICTIMS OF THIS HORRIBLE ASSAULT. THE PAINFUL EXPERIENCE OF ALIENATION/CONTINUOUS SEPARATION FROM YOUR CHILD IS A CRIME PEPETRATED BY FATHERS AS WELL. HE IS AN AGGRESSIVE HOSTILE PARENT WHO HAS LEARNED HOW TO 'WORK THE SYSTEM.'
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My Story : I will be short on my story because of the interference by certain groups This story is very long. One year ago after 6 years of paying child support but never seeing my 5 children. I tried to fight again just to see or get custody of my children. In court my Ex: wife who is bipolar started screaming saying you will never see your kids. If I was a man that said that in court I would have lost custody of the children immediately. This was said in court. My new wife saw this reaction also and was shocked that I was telling the truth. That my ex: said anything and I would be the one that would go threw hell. The court appointed person statement to me was that I need to get a lawyer to try to get custody. How can I do that? when people that is suppose to work for the courts ask me how do i afford a lawyer? Then run me back and forth to court 36 times in a 3 year period if I do have a lawyer. Then a lawyer will tell me to live with someone and just pay the support.
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My Story : My X took my child out of state after she was arrested for Felony Domestic violence against me in the presence of our child. She told me I'd never see my child again. The police wouldn't help me, the courts were too slow to act and we spent 14 months just deciding who had jurisdiction. 3 years later and she has moved my child about 9 times since our divorce. She has remarried and they tell my daughter that step-dad is her real dad. They tell her I'm crazy and that they will protect her from me. She often doesn't want to speak to me by phone, and when she does, I can usually hear her mom next to her feeding her things to say like " my mommy's trying really hard to be nice to her, why can't you be nice to her too?" I have to threaten court action to spend a weekend with my child, and when I do get to see her I spend half of the trip dancing around statements like "You can't keep me, you know I have to go back to my mommy and daddy's house..." I can't tell her the truth of what's happening but I can't lie to protect her mother's misinformation. It's become a very tight diplomatic tight rope walk to let her know that I love her so deeply and am doing all I can to spend time with her, without trying to make her mom look bad by telling her what's really happening. She's already telling me that she doesn't want to spend vacation time with me because she want to be with her family. I have never said negative things about her mom and try to be suppotive and encouraging of their relationship, which only lends creedence to her mother's authority in telling her lies about me. There's no way to win this kind of fight and I can see that it's only a matter of time before she herself, like her mom, seeks to cut off all contact with me. Except, of course, financially |
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My Story : I lost a custody battle due to involvement of my mother to gain the earn income tax credit. My mother joined together with my ex-wife to stop my visitation rights unless I am supervised. The judge order this with out any evidence. In fact the judge was very bias in my case. There was a time in one court apperance in which I was the only one there and the judge this ok.
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