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Letters from parents
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My Story : When I heard Alec Baldwin's outburst toward his 11 year-old, I immediately saw (felt) the symptoms. I had no idea that this organization existed until I heard a news report today. As Mr. Baldwin agrees, his actions were totally wrong. Although I have never spoken that way to either of my children, I have felt the same aggression and frustration. I was the father who was totally involved in my kids lives. The teachers at my children's school knew me better than my wife, although I was the primary breadwinner and worked a full-time job. After 13 years of marriage, my wife announced that she wanted a divorce. Our children were 11 and 9. They were devastated, especially our daughter. Shortly before our divorce hearing, my son told me he wanted to live with me. Our custody battle lasted 11 months. The judge placed custody with my wife. A few months after our divorce, my wife married the man with whom she was having the affair. During the separation period, things went pretty well, with only a few difficult times. After our divorce, I bought a house relatively close to our old one, and it seemed a good compromise for the kids - easy access to both parents. However, after she remarried and moved the children approximately 45 minutes away. Things deteriorated quickly. My kids, especially my son, seemed to react negatively to anything I tried to do. Soon, I felt as though I was made to feel I was intruding any time I wanted to spend time with my kids. Our weekends together became farther and farther apart, due to other interests the kids had. Deterioration has continued to the point where I now expect nothing. Six years after the divorce, I see them a few times a year. Some time around Christmas for a couple of hours is a given - never Christmas day, that's reserved for their mom - plus a few other informal times. I am close to totally giving up, if I haven't already. I have tried all approaches, and they've all failed. I long for the intimacy we used to have. I coached them in sports, helped them with their homework, tucked them in each night. I was the first one my daughter would tell when she had a new boyfriend, or if she and one of her girlfriends were cross at each other. My son and I spent countless hours in the yard playing. I long... It truly feels as though they are worse than dead. I'm trying to forgive and move on, but the pain just doesn't go away. I don't claim that I was a perfect husband or parent, but I was totally committed and faithful to my wife and kids. After my wife announced she filed for divorce, her sister told me that I should get the kids because I was the better parent. Her mom told me that I would always be her boy. I constantly wonder what they're doing. I simply miss them so badly that it hurts. With sadness, bn
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My Story : My story, like most, begins with divorce some 12 years ago (1995). My adopted children were young, just 2 and 4 years old. My ex-wife and I had a typical arrangement with visitation at the beginning. I would see the children every other weekend and on various Holidays per our court agreement. We lived just a few minutes away from each other. Almost immediatley, the ex set the tone of the divorce as I came to pick up the children the first time. Dutifully, I went to the door and rang the bell, expecting a short, civil, but curt exchange as I received the children. What I got instead was the door opening just a crack as the children exited and then the door slammed in my face. After several attempts at the door I got the message and just honked the horn, the children came out on their own. It has always been this way. After going through the next four and a half years of difficult problems, like not being able to talk to the children when I called, having the phone lines disconnected by cats, and no one at home to receive the children when they returned, I was pretty much resigned to a bad situation. Naturally, after some time, (one year) I met my current wife, we began living together and were blending my kids into her family of two sisters, a brother, and nieces and nephews. I hit a really bad patch in my career in 1998 and was out of work for about 9 months. I was getting deeper in debt keeping up my support payments and my ex was working and doing well. I had to go back to court to get a reduction in support as I continued to look for work. I got the reduction as expected,. but that caused my ex to dump the children us at the end of their summer visit.(August 1999) This was done in a horrible way (an explitive filled phone message, remind you of anything?) with no notice to us or the children. This was followed the next day by finding all of the childrens belongings, toys, clothes, etc. dumped on our front porch. I left the ex a message saying this was premature as we needed to work everything out with the lawyers. Next day, more stuff on the porch. We tried to calm the children, who were by then 6 and 8 years old. We told them how happy we were to have them live with us and that their mother couldn't do it any more, but they would still vist her. It made our reationship solid and my wife and I were married about nine months later. (no more children). We thought this would be the best for everyone. During the next six years we tried to create a loving, nurturing, consistant, home. We even took parenting classes to help us. I got the children into therapy almost immediately as I began to identify loyalty issues in the children. It became apparent that the ex's style of parenting was very different from ours. She never wanted to be the bad guy (perhaps guilt from the dumping) and showered them with gifts, clothes, and even a dog for my daughter.She never would by consistant with our discipline, telling the children she didn't think it was fair. The relationship onlyu became more strained. After only two weeks into what was her summer visit with the children in 2004, she returned my daughter with all her belongings in a trash bag saying she couldn't handle her and that she was disrespectful, etc. We kept both of the children for the remainder of the summer. The acting out was an obvious manifestation of the over all problem with the two households. It only got worse. My ex called my son "stupid" after a bad report card and he was very upset with his mother. We had him write her a letter to vent his feelings and after a short time encouraged him to see her again.They seemed to have gotton over that hump. I wish I could say the same for my daughter. At one point in 2004, the ex began making noises about seeing the children more. We had just reversed the situation we started with, with her visiting every other weekend. I spoke to the children and they wanted to keep it the way it was. I didn't push it because of the lack of consistancy between the two houses. I thought any more time would only make the problem worse. In June of 2005 my daughter began talking about living with her Mother. After some sessions with our therapist and everyones agreement my daughter went to live with her Mom at the beginning of June 2005. All was well for a short time. My daughter has always been difficult. She has always been a disruption on our home. My wife dosen't put up with any nonsense. We have expectations of the children as far as school and chores are concerned. They make their own beds, do their own laundry, fold their own clothes, empty trash, and do dishes. They are members of the household unit, not guests. Things began to go bad not long into the school year for my daughter and my ex. Her first report card in the seventh grade had 4 fails, a D, and a C. She had done much better in the sixth grade. We had explored the possibility of an IEP( individual education program) through the LAUSD(Los Angeles Unified School District). We had a program in place which placed her in classes with more than one teacher, had an aide make sure she was getting to classes on time, etc. Along about November, the ex said she wanted to bring my daughter back to our house. They had experienced some disagreements and my ex said she couldn't handle it. Well, the arrangement we had all made with the therapist took this into account and we all decided that going back and forth was not an option. We declined. Things began to go bad quickly after that. The ex wife became adamant that my daughter return. It was clear in speaking with my daughter that she did not want to return. When she came for her visit before christmas, it was disasterous. She was obsinate, defiant and rude. She had a lot of homework to do and wouldn't do it. She finially went back tio her mother's early. When my wife and I returned from a short vacation, between christmas and new years, we were greeted with a letter from the ex explaining that my daughter would be returning to our home because she (the ex) had an abnormal breast biopsy. My daughter returned to our home on Jan. 2nd 2006 and it was very very difficult. She hated every thing about us. On a visit, our theapist said, "she has been programmed to hate you".Then we were informed in early March by the ex that she would be leaving town for work for the next three weeks. During this time my daughter began telling us about how she was going to go back living with her Mom and that she was going to go to court to get money. When the ex returned, I confronted her with this information which she confirmed. She explained that they, she and my daughter, were going to move to New Mexico. My daughter went back to the ex's house because by then, we were the enemy. They went to New Mexico at spring break to check it out and when they returned, that plan was abandoned. Back at school, the ex removed all the IEP support for my daughter and the grades went down and down. Suddenly, the abnormal biopsy became cancer. Chemo and radiation to follow. I was served for support in June and went to court in Dec. 2006. Prior to that, in October my ex again tried to return my daughter, dropping all her belongings in our yard and trying to leave her with my wife at home while I was at work. My wife refused. Three weeks later she sent us a letter telling us that my daughter would be staying with us for a week while she (the ex) went to New York to visit family. We refused. Would she come back to get her, she hates us now. We didn't know. This of course, was all done with the attorneys involved, so all at a big expence. After court, near the end of Dec., a judgement was made for support and visitation. On Jan. 8, 2007, we get a letter saying that they, my ex and daughter, are moving to New York. My ex has family there. We went back to the attorneys to alter the judgement and to give permission to move. Nothing was responded to and they left anyway. I have not seen or spoken to my daughter for over five months. I got a letter from her in early March saying not to call her or write her, she didn't want anything to do with us. My son went to visit there over Easter break, we sent candy and a card to my daughter. How is it that the children lived with us for over six years and that do not hate their Mother, despite the things she has done. My daughter was with my ex for six months and we are the enemy. PAS !! This is the short hand version of the story, only the most salient points. The details are even more revealing. Please feel fre to contact me if you need anything more. Thank you.
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My Story : After a brief marriage which dissolved after 2 years and 5 months, I have spent the past 7 years and 3 months battling to preserve my relationship with my son. I have not been victimized by the overt parental alienation that many face. The alienation that I experience is somewhat more subtle. Nevertheless, within the past month, I have arrived at my son's school to drop off my step-son and on another occasion I was on campus volunteering in my son's classroom. In each of these instances, my ex-wife arrived approximately the same time that I arrived at the school. I observed my ex-wife escorting my son from her car. My son saw me and wanted to walk over and say good morning. My ex-wife deliberately marched my son in the opposite direction, and then as my son turned around to walk towards me his mother chastised him, saying, "Get along to class, baby. Hurry up!" My son was not late for class. He clearly had 2 minutes to say, "good morning" to his daddy. Nevertheless, this is the way that mom likes to manipulate our son. I can see the frustration on his face, but there is little that I can do. His mother has placed him squarely in the middle. I am thankful, because just a few years ago, my ex-wife's favorite tactic for alienating the child was to request almost daily welfare checks from the police department and CPS on the days when my son was in my custody. It was terrible to have to contend with my son's frustration as to why we had to interrupt whatever activity that we were involved in to take a visit from the police or a call from CPS, but although I have successfully extricated the police and CPS involvement in this case, the singular experience that aggravates me to no end is the encouragement of the courts in regards to these alienating behaviors. In fact, the courts have appointed not less than 6 Ph.Ds to participate in the various machinations surrounding this child custody case. On one occasion, I urged my ex-wife to stay away from my son's soccer practices. I was coaching and my ex-wife had been behaving very threateningly at previous practices, so I felt that it would be less stressful for my son if she stayed away. Certainly, in the legal sense, she held the key to her own liberty in this regard. All she needed to do was to promise to observe quietly, just like the other parents, during the soccer practices and she would be welcomed, but instead, her lawyer argued that this was alienation on my part! It made no difference that I explained that she was welcomed at all of our son's soccer games. This in contrast with her conviction for aggravated harassment which resulted in a 3-year probation. The courts paid no attention to mother's excesses, but I was chastised for each and every error in judgment that I have made during the past 7 years. Now the courts are asking me to pay for the privilege of having all of these Ph.Ds to ensure that there is no harm to the child. The courts never cease to disappoint. Thank you for all that you are doing.
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My Story : I have been divorced seven years now. It started with spousal verbal abuse and then led to physical and emotional abuse. I have 3 beautiful children. My message is a message for the determined and is full of hope. I had the "perfect life", junior league wife,stay at home mom drove the suv...etc...and endured hours of harse verbal abuse. As I grew in my outside interests, his abuse worsened. Finally the physical abuse began.. I debated and begged for almost two years..while he lived basically upstairs..this entire time. He led me to beleive he was having an affair.during this time as well. When the physical abuse begin I knew I could not stay, I had three children a daughter 13 and two sons 2 and 6. A year later after much prayer and begging, he was convinced to move out...after an episode that scared even him in front of the boys. You see this man is particularly proud, which is probably why my life has been spared thus far. In any case... I begin to try to put myself a case together. I had 26(yes twenty six)taped conversations that included physical threat, physical harassment with my boys present in the background screaming please dont hurt mommy.. and then the trials begin. You see we were an upper class white family who could afford attorneys..(big mistake)and the circus begin. We had pscyhiatrists..depositions..the works. But the bottom line came down to a judge who would not allow the tapes to be played in court (she said they could be "selective"...26 selective tapes...whatever..just pick 3 then)and did not like the way I looked or the fact that in her mind I had a "charmed life".. this man was awarded joint custody even after admitting to physically harming me (just once was his admission)..and now seven years later..he has disowned his now 20 yr old daughter because she was willing to go before a judge and testify against him..when he started screaming at her the way he screamed at me..and blocking her physically in a room....then I put a stop to it and used my last 1,000.00 dollars to meet them in court and get full custody of her. ANd this whole time he has denied me contact with the boys when he has them week on week off...I have to go to their school or contact them thru friends to see them..he makes them afriad to come near me when they are with them and we are at a school or athletic event. He continues to refuse to give my name or contact information for any paperwork, he gives the stepmother as their "mother" information...and last year I regained full legal custody due to this information and two teachers actually testifying againest him... I did not seek Physical custody becasue at this time both of my boys are discovering on their own,,,that he is not " good role model" or capable of telling the truth..so I could not be made out to be the bad guy by "physically wrenching them away from him via court"...I am letting them come to that decision on their own. Recently (easter) bought my now 14 yr old a cell phone for easy communication..and the second time I contacted him via this he ran away from his Dads(to my house) because his Dad had a "breakdown" over speaking to me on the phone. I continue to stay active in their school,and extra curricular acitivites(although sometimes I am late on the finding out)even serving as team Mom lots of times just so I can get all of the info.. I am prayerful that someday they will realize that they do not have to make a "choice'...that real unconditional love is right here waiting...as it has been all along. I model this everyday..as does their new step dad..
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My Story : I am married to the father of an 8 year old son. My husband only lived with his son for the first 4 months of his life. At that time his ex-wife moved 10 hours away to live with her first ex husband and attempted to have my stepson learn to call that man daddy. Needless to say she didn't last with that man and has been married to her 3rd husband since my stepson was 2. During this time we have attempted to have my stepson during every court ordered visitation and more if and when possible. He has lived 6 hours away and we have driven each time. My husband has been accused of sexual molestation of his son. We have had to hire lawyers to defend us and pay for lie detector tests to prove our innocence. Meanwhile, the new husband has failed a polygraph that focused on him being the abuser as well as coaching the son to point the finger at his dad. He is a methodone user and we still have not been able win custody. After my husband's visitation was given back to him, we have had one problem after another. Phone calls are only allowed on her terms. She dodges phone calls so my husband can not talk to his son. After dealing with that for 7 years, we bought my stepson a cell phone with a parental lock on it for his 8th birthday. Now his mother refuses to allow him to turn it on at her house. She got my stepson to say he didn't want to visit in Feb. and when we went to pick him up with an officer present, she tried to provoke my husband into hitting her. Which of course he didn't. Then she took my stepson to a counselor and told in front of him how she "thought" my husband was going to hit her and then he would have gone to jail. She never allows my stepson to choose to stay longer with us when he wants to in the summer or long visits, but she let him choose that weekend by taking him to visit family he had not seen for awhile. If it were not for the papers we would never see my stepson. She denies visitation about 2-3 times a year. To take her to court over these times will not help, but cost us money we don't have. We are very discouraged by the family court system and how one sided it is. Even CPS has failed to follow though when my stepson has cried out for help in the past. Fortunately, my stepson is seeing what is happening much of the time and we are able to be positive with him while he is with us. He is waiting to be able to say where he wants to live. Right now, he just wants to be able to call his dad when he wants to. He is very upset that his mother doesn't allow him to call unless she wants to. Thank you for reading this and good luck to all fathers out there that are going through unfair bias. Sincerely, Midland, TX
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My Story : Where do I begin? A loving mom,,,, Volunteer in Elementary school. Member of Parent teachers group and sports booster. In an abusive marriage for 24 yrs with two adolescent sons. A professional, trying to hide my despair, I managed to keep it together until my youngest son was a senior in high school. I left their father and filed for divorce after he graduated... that was 2002 and I haven't seen my sons since then... except for when they were dressed in their suits with ties and cell phones, prepared to testify against me, because I was taking their inheritance and retirement. It is still hard for me to believe that they would behave this way, but I understand.. because I lived with their father long enough to know his persuasive and controlling ways... I was victim to it, and found it difficult to leave. I only hope my sons understand this and find a way to see the light. I am not suggesting that they leave their father, but open their eyes to what their mother has to offer to them... a warm and loving heart.. unconditional and true. I think of them on special events, anniversaries, and holidays. I an reminded if them when certain songs are played on the radio. I people who resemble them or whose voices sound like theirs. I turn around, hoping to see them. The phone rings.. I hope it is them. I look through the mail, hoping they send me a letter ot card. I am asking for too much, and shed tears in acknowledgement. I have no friends that can this experience; no one knows how I feel. Where do I turn? How many unanswered letters/emails do I send? I pray that someday they understand. Love and Peace.
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My Story : Memoirs of a 'Dead Beat Dad' I am 38 years old and have been in the trenches now for 8 1/2 years. I have 2 wonderful children - an 11 year old son 11 and a daughter 15. To say the least there is never a good divorce, only different degrees of bad. Like so many people out there we could not make things work after councelling, family and friends etc. so on September 1998 I moved out of the matrimonial home. At the time my wife and I had been together 8 years. If I knew then what I know now I would have never moved out. I stayed years longer than I should have for the children but thought it would be better for the family if my wife and I separate. The first 6 months were extremely difficult with all of the difficulties of access, he said - she said etc. To make things worse I had to make the difficult decision to petition for sole custody of my children. I have never believed in sole custody but unfortunately my ex-wife suffers from clinically diagnosed Bi-Polar Disorder and has been institutionalized in the past for repeated suicide attempts. So now I get a Psychiatric Evaluation started on the whole family unit. I don't regret getting this done as it was the right thing to do but this was the start of the systematric removal of me out of our children's life. To quote the phrase ' a women scorned' will never touch on how things went from this point. After 1 1/2 years of evaluation and court appearances I was denied custody based on these facts: 1. I was working full time and my wife was unemployed to be home with the children. 2. My son was not of school age, they did not want him in daycare. 3. My wife had a daughter from a previous relationship who was deaf and they did not want to separate them. 4. My wife had mental health issues but was on medication and was receiving councelling so they felt she was 'on the road to recovery'. Result - denial of petition - sole custody granted to my ex-wife but I had 'Joint Guardianship' This, my friends amounts to a hill of Beans in the real world. If I can give anyone advise do not for one second ever give up Joint Guardianship. Without this you are defenceless. From this point my ex made it her sole job in life to remove me. 1st came the abuse allegatons against my children. After review and months of stress results - totally fabricated but no accountablility on the allegations. Next was the abuse allegations against me from my ex - once again months of stress and $$$ charges are dropped. All the while I am having to pick up my children at pre-determind locations, my time with the children is becoming less and less. at this point is when I noticed my daughte was starting to sound and act very similar to my ex towars me. This attach continued for another 2 years until it got to a point my daughter decided she did not want anything to do with my and stopped coming over. When I came to pick up my son she would avoid me, she started to fabricate lies about me. I was in a hell. In 2001 I was offered a tremendous opportunity to relocate to another city for work and chose to move. I was able to recover my relationship for a short while with my children, flying them up, paying all expenses, child support, private school tuition etc. when my ex found out i had met someone the whole campaign kicked into high gear again. More allegations this time against my step daughter, after initial interview with police investigation dropped. The next 4 years went along like this - I saw my children 3 times in 4 years. I would get to talk to them every 2-3 months if i was lucky. I had no access to see them, no phone access, she decided to pull them out of school and home school. When I contacted the school district I was not given any information even after I faxed a copy of the divorce agreement stating I had full access to their school records. Jump forward to April 19/2007 I have seen my children 3 hours in the last 3 years. I have had gifts returned unopened, continual phone tirades by my ex, my daughter does not want anything to do with me. My son is not allowed to have a relationship with his father. I have seen countless lawyers and they all tell me the same thing. It will cost you thousands in fees and multiple visits to tthe courts and unless my ex decides she wants to let me see the children I might as well burn my money. I have chosen to keep phone recordings, a log, photocopies of everything in the hopes that one day my children may want to ask me why I didn't want a relationship with them. I can then show them the information and let them make up their own minds.
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My Story : I am a divorced mother of three children. Two children (boys 12 and 14) from the marriage, and a daughter (19). I've been divorced since 1997. In 2004 my ex-husband filed a motion for custody of the boys. It was a vicious two year battle that ended in July of 2006 when I gave up the fight for the sake of my children's emotional well being. I agreed to let the boys go live with their father. They moved in with their dad in August of 2006. By October, my youngest son did not want to have anything to do with me. He did not want to visit; he did not want me involved at school or any aspect of his life. He accused me of interfering with his life. He even told me that everything is my fault. He hasn't been to my house or seen anyone on my side of the family since October of last year. I call him about five times per week. I pray with him over the phone, I asked him about school, and how his day is going. His response is always the same. Hostile! He wants nothing to do with me. He blames me for everything that has happened. He even told me that he is not sure if I am his mother. He even told me he doesn't need a mother. We used to have a very close and loving relationship. He was even called a "Mama's boy". Nobody in the family can believe he has turned on me like this. You see, his father was alienated from his mother at the tender age of three. He was taken from his mother and taken to a country in the middle-east and left there for five years. His father told him that he was going to the store and that he would be right back. His father didn't come back for five years. He was then brought back to the US to live with his father and new step-mother. It wasn't until I married him that he developed somewhat of a relationship with his mother. He told me that his father and step-mother would say terrible things about his mother, and he believed it. He wanted nothing to with her when he was a child. He is doing the same to his children. I know for a fact he has put the phone to children's ear only to hear me something derogatory when we argued, and have also let them read text messages I've sent. It's all part of the manipulation. My daughter has told me when she used to go to his house, she would hear her dad and her step-mother call me names and say horrible things that no child should hear about their parent. She told me she hated me when she was younger because of things she heard them say about me. As she got older however, she started seeing the truth for herself. As a result, my ex-husband cut her out of his life, and told her that he is no longer her father. My son had an emotional break-down and wanted nothing to do with me. My daughter developed anxiety attacks and became so emotionally distraught that she barely graduated from high-school. They have both been through counseling since then and are doing better. Though I have a good relationship with my oldest son now, I realize the psychological affect it has had on him. I know he is torn between the two of us; caught in the middle. He tries hard to comfort me. He wants to spend time with me and his sister. He tells me that his brother will come around eventually. I feel so lost and helpless. The courts do not recognize PAS in California, so I feel there is no recourse for me. I am willing to do what ever it takes to fix this. I just want my kids to be okay. I have tried to talk to my ex about counseling, but he refuses. I feel my youngest son slipping farther and farther away. Please help me to help my kids. They are being destroyed! What ever I can do to get the word out, I am willing to do. Your website gives me hope! Thank you from Sacramento, CA
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My Story : My story is too long for the space, however, I will do my best to say that this syndrome exists and is one of the most harmful legally sanctioned forms of abuse for the child and the alienated parent. My daughter was used as a pawn in the game that exists after the divorce. I wasn't surprise because I witnessed my step children's alienation from their father and I was threatened that the same would happen to me if I divorce my ex-wife. Today, I am dying with cancer and my daughter is aware of my condition. She has two daughters that I do not know their names. My daughter is walking the same path as her mother. Her children belong to her and she is in total control over their lives. As a 6 year old, my daughter witnessed her mother berate me for taking her to see my wife's mother on my visitation. My daughter was rolled up in a ball in the corner of the living room and I could do nothing to comfort her. I have had the laser sights of a high powered rifle on my chest when I came to pick my daughter up for visitation and my daughter was told that I didn't come for her visitation. I have had a rifle butt slammed to the side of my head and the local sheriff refused to accompany me to pick up my daughter. As my daughter grew, she began by writing me a note that she wanted to see me on a particlar day and time. When I arrived, she would be gone. There were times that I didn't know where she was living and I had to hunt her down through school records only to find that her mother removed her from school. Now that I am unable to work and pay support on my 21 year old daughter, my disability check is garnished. This is the only money that comes into my household because my wife cares for me. My state does not recognize parental alienation and now, it is too late for me to have any reconsiliation with my daughter. Until the courts recognize that they are a party to vindictive ex spouses, the non custodial parent has the burden financially, but they have no rights to the child that they loved and adored. These are highlights, the details are more sinister and very ugly. (including my daughter was used by her mother to raise rent money by offering my 16 year old daughter for sex. I couldn't prove it so nothing was done). I am sick and I have lost my child. I have heard nothing from my daughter since I informed her that I have cancer and I am in terminal stages. Please, help the alienated parents to change the court system so that these children will have a better chance to be balanced human beings. My daughter is re enacting what her mother did to her. My ex wife is bi-polar which explains a lot, by my daughter has adopted her behavior because it works. My grandchildren will never know what a secure and happy home is. Can someone not help them before it is too late?
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My Story : I have not seen my son since November 2006 when his mother got mad at me. She won't let him talk to me or his grandmother. We have been in his life since birth and he is now 7. She has told him things like if you go see your grandmother you will never see mommy again. It hurts mommy when you are not around and mommy isn't happy and has no fun without him being around. She is with a man she wants to be a father figure for my son. According to my son he drinks a lot and they often fight. He pushed mommy on the floor when she threw up on the baby bag. Don't tell mommy I'll get in trouble (he starts crying). Mommy says its ok to lie and keep secrets. This is just the tip of the ice berg I have no idea what's going on in his life and if she finds out that he has talked about what's going on he will pay the price. I was recently told she was going to let me see him so I sent the following text message. "Hello V, My lawyer said I could see D this weekend. I'd like to meet in the middle at Dennis. would 7am Saturday morning work or is there a better time? I will return him to the same place on Sunday at 6pm. We can arrange all of the future things through our lawyers. END Her response to my text was: I was going to give you visitation but your demanding attitude just screwed you. Demanding where and when, please. You think I'm stupid, I feel sorry for you. Needless to say she still won't let me see my son and given what she says to him and the environment in which he is being raised its abusive to him. He has said that he has not been touched or physically abused but I think mentally he is being abused. He is allowed to play a computer as much as he likes and to watch television until he falls asleep nightly to keep him occupied. These are just the things I remember. Her goal is to keep me out of his life as much as possible. I remember him asking on one visit if he would ever see his mommy again to which I replied of course you will, you are spending two nights with daddy then I'm going to take you right back to you mommy. He worries that she is suffering when he is not with her. I'm in Illinois and confused as to what I should actually do to make sure he has a happy balanced life
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My Story : I remember testifying in court. The attorney asked why my sister-in-law would not be a good candidate for custody. I told them simply that she would do as she had with her first three children and disappear. She had been awarded custody of her first set of twins and promptly put them up for adoption. Then relentlessly went after the child awarded to her first ex-husband. I have heard and seen that she has advertised for her 'missing' children recently. She moved in with someone she met on line, disappeared, and did a smear campaign on line in several chat rooms against not only my brother, but the rest of us as well. She contacted my employer and tried to have me fired. She defied all courts in the process of denying my brother his children, to which the courts responded by cutting off all child support. Amazing, but true. She is still out there in her own fantasy world. We've had contact with one of the children; but fear the others are lost to us as they are "just like Mom." It's been 9 years. The pain is likened to a missing child, because we know they are out there, somewhere, but each attempt to contact them is met with histrionics by her; attempts to arrest us for harrassment of HER. After all, it is all about her, isn't it? Couldn't ever be that we want the relationship that was stolen from us by her cruelty. (She would privately gloat over this.)
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My Story : HELLO. IT HAS BEEN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO COPE WITH THE LOSS OF MY DAUGHTER. I AM THE MOTHER OF 6 CHILDREN. I AM THE CURRENT CUSTODIAL PARENT OF 5 CHILDREN. I HAVE BEEN ALIENATED FROM CONTACT WITH HER BY HER FATHER. THE MATTER OF MY DAUGHTER'S RETURN HOME- HER TOTAL SEPARATION FROM US,HER FAMILY OF ORIGIN. FALSE ACCUSATIONS ALTHOUGH UNFOUNDED STILL , REMENTIONED CONSISTENTLY WITHOUT BASIS HAS BEEN IN THE FAMILY COURT SYSTEM IN PENNSYLVANIA SINCE FEBRUARY,2005 I WOULD SAY THAT MY X-HUSBAND CERTAINLY APPEARS AS THOUGH HE IS A VERY LOVING, CARING FATHER. I HAVE WITNESSED HIS ABILITY TO SYSTEMATICALLY USE THE COURT SYSTEM AS HIS SHIELD OF ARMOR AND WEAPON. THE 'PAIN' OF SEPARATION FROM YOUR CHILD IS EXCRUCIATING. IT WOULD BE EASIER FOR ME TO CONTINUE WITH THIS UNRELENTING QUEST TO REGAIN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAUGHTER IF PEOPLE BECAME AWARE THAT ALL ALIENATORS ARE NOT WOMEN. MEN LIKE MY X-HUSBAND DO EXIST. HE IS A VERY ANGRY PERSON WHO HAS INTENT TO DO HARM. HIS ABILITY TO MANIPULATE OTHERS IS SOMETHING THAT HE DOES VERY WELL. HE APPEARS HONEST, CARING AND VERY PROTECTIVE. BEING ON THE DEFENSIVE END OF HIS ATTACKS I HAVE WATCHED AS MANAGES TO PERSUADE PEOPLE WITH DISHONEST STATEMENTS. HE SEEMS TO INTERNALIZE WHAT HE SAYS. I THINK HE AND OTHERS WHO USE CHILDREN THIS WAY HAVE THIS OVERWHELMING SENSE OF THE NEED TO FEEL JUSTIFIED AND IMPORTANT. HE MUST ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT WHAT HE IS SAYING IS TRUE BECAUSE OF HOW EASILY HE CONVINCES HIMSELF AND OTHERS IMMEDIATELY WITH HIS UNTRUE STATEMENTS. MOTHERS CAN ALSO BE VICTIMS OF THIS HORRIBLE ASSAULT. THE PAINFUL EXPERIENCE OF ALIENATION/CONTINUOUS SEPARATION FROM YOUR CHILD IS A CRIME PEPETRATED BY FATHERS AS WELL. HE IS AN AGGRESSIVE HOSTILE PARENT WHO HAS LEARNED HOW TO 'WORK THE SYSTEM.'
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My Story : I will be short on my story because of the interference by certain groups This story is very long. One year ago after 6 years of paying child support but never seeing my 5 children. I tried to fight again just to see or get custody of my children. In court my Ex: wife who is bipolar started screaming saying you will never see your kids. If I was a man that said that in court I would have lost custody of the children immediately. This was said in court. My new wife saw this reaction also and was shocked that I was telling the truth. That my ex: said anything and I would be the one that would go threw hell. The court appointed person statement to me was that I need to get a lawyer to try to get custody. How can I do that? when people that is suppose to work for the courts ask me how do i afford a lawyer? Then run me back and forth to court 36 times in a 3 year period if I do have a lawyer. Then a lawyer will tell me to live with someone and just pay the support.
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My Story : My X took my child out of state after she was arrested for Felony Domestic violence against me in the presence of our child. She told me I'd never see my child again. The police wouldn't help me, the courts were too slow to act and we spent 14 months just deciding who had jurisdiction. 3 years later and she has moved my child about 9 times since our divorce. She has remarried and they tell my daughter that step-dad is her real dad. They tell her I'm crazy and that they will protect her from me. She often doesn't want to speak to me by phone, and when she does, I can usually hear her mom next to her feeding her things to say like " my mommy's trying really hard to be nice to her, why can't you be nice to her too?" I have to threaten court action to spend a weekend with my child, and when I do get to see her I spend half of the trip dancing around statements like "You can't keep me, you know I have to go back to my mommy and daddy's house..." I can't tell her the truth of what's happening but I can't lie to protect her mother's misinformation. It's become a very tight diplomatic tight rope walk to let her know that I love her so deeply and am doing all I can to spend time with her, without trying to make her mom look bad by telling her what's really happening. She's already telling me that she doesn't want to spend vacation time with me because she want to be with her family. I have never said negative things about her mom and try to be suppotive and encouraging of their relationship, which only lends creedence to her mother's authority in telling her lies about me. There's no way to win this kind of fight and I can see that it's only a matter of time before she herself, like her mom, seeks to cut off all contact with me. Except, of course, financially |
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My Story : I lost a custody battle due to involvement of my mother to gain the earn income tax credit. My mother joined together with my ex-wife to stop my visitation rights unless I am supervised. The judge order this with out any evidence. In fact the judge was very bias in my case. There was a time in one court apperance in which I was the only one there and the judge this ok.
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My Story : I am 47 and the father on 4 children who I have not seen (other than in court once) since August 15th of 2005. I am one of 5 children. My parents have 17 grandchildren. I have thanked my parents on several occasions for the way they have raised me. My ex wife comes from a divorced home and is in constant battle with her mother. She has a brother who she doesn't speak to. I June of 04 my wife asked me for a divorce in our 22nd year of marriage. It was never a good marriage and there was much interference from my mother in-law While I do admit being old fashioned in the way I raised my children I did not deserve was I was accused of. I boast of the fact that I have 2 daughters in their 20's who never came home drunk, high on drugs, smoking or pregnant. In June of 05 someone made a report to Child Protection Services (CPS) that I was beating my wife and my son who incidently is multiply handicapped. This report never amounted to anything so six weeks later I was arrested for sexually abusing my handicapped son. An order of protection OOP was issued and I spent 5 hours in jail. Note that I was in business for 20 years, I was a NYS pistol permit holder for 25 years, I was never arrested and never broke any laws. It didn't matter. I was in a 4way court battle. Divorce court, family court with her, family court with CPS, and criminal court. A law guardian was appointed for my son and youngest daughter. I would note that for the past 10 years I got my son up every morning, cleaned and dressed him, put him in his wheel chair and brought him to the breakfast table. I would shower him nightly, dry him and shave him when necessary. I installed; a pool for his therapy, handicapped shower for his hygiene, and a wheel chair lift in the house. I bought a 40,000 conversion van and alone I installed the wheel chair lift into that from our old van. Well family court was dropped by CPS, the law guardian was 100% on my side, my ex even settled family court with an OOP for her and nothing for the kids. The female DA in the criminal court would not give up. Almost a year and 4 months later she offered me an Adjournment contemplating dismissal ACD. However I had to agree to not seeing my children for another year and only communicate with them by letter and email. Mind you that my son who is 19 cannot read or write. They exhausted me. The judge had me in his chambers for 40 minutes talking me into this deal. I regret I took it. My children have been so brainwashed against me that 1 therapist said this can never be fixed. My son's therapist won't speak to me at all. I can go on and one but I will end this story here. Thank you.
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My Story : I have been alienated from my son (now 7) for most of the past 4 years. April 6 my son turned 7, then Sunday was Easter. As usual, I was refused contact even by phone to wish my son a Happy Birthday or Easter. I sent gifts but will never know if he received them, and will not be allowed to ask him if he liked them. His mother and a biased family court system have done everything they can to keep my son from me. Court orders for visitation are worthless when the mother ignores them and the courts refuse to do anything at all about it. I have had only 5 months with my son in the past 4 years, when I was given temporary custody when his mother abandoned him. The courts gave him right back to her after that time, even though he did much better with me, and I haven't been allowed any rights since. I have tried to have her held accountable for contempt of the visitation orders several times with no results. To make things worse the system has ignored proven neglect, abuse and abandonment of my son in his mother's home. I'm scared to death for my child, and I feel like I'm no longer any part of the American system that I use to believe in. I'm a second-class citizen with no rights, as is my child. (If a man speaks in the woods, and no woman is there to hear, is he still wrong?)
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Some wisdom gained:
My Story : My story is a little different from most I'm sure. I am the parent who is being alienated against. I cant tell you how much this hurts. I will start from when my husband and I got divorced. I have 2 children. B. who is 5 and is also a special needs child and another daughter who is 12 and will be 13 next month. I was always the caregiver in the home. My whole life was my kids. When my exhusband and I split up we were on good terms.We had decided that we were going to alternate the kids every other weekend. My husband had met another woman pretty quick and I was all by myself. I had to get 2 jobs and I was taking a class at the community college. All my family was in California so when I say all by myself thats what I mean. B. is a special little girl who requires attention 100% of the time. You cant leave her alone for a minute. She has partial complex seizures along with a severe developmental delay. I tried taking her to work with me for a while and I tried daycare but it didnt work out. Her attention took away my work performance so I was left with a horrible decision to have to make. My husband and I were talking one evening about B. and he mentioned that his new wife was going to be able to stay at home full time and be able to tend for B. I told him I was about ready to lose my job and we needed to do something pretty quick. He also mentioned he would be able to have B's therapies start up. When it came time to put everything on paper for the Decree we decidied we didnt need to draw up a parenting plan. He told me I could see the kids when I wanted. I could be envolved in everything that had to do with medical decisions, schooling, alternating holidays, vacations. That was the worse mistake I couldve made. Not getting the parenting plan drawn up so it ended up saying noncustodal parent may have visitation with the verbal agreement of both parties. Everything was great for the first year. He divorced a gain a year later and had two more kids. I had just moved 100 miles a way but still actively involved with my kids. R., my 12 year old, starting making comments to me saying that I only have conditional love for her and her father has unconfditional love for her. I had no idea where that was coming from. She was starting to become rebellious in a lot of ways. We were so close before. Soon my exhusband had married f or a third time and my daughter had sent me a letter statting that her new step mom has been a better mother to her thatn I had been in 12 years. I was s o hurt. I had to go in another room and cry. How could this be happening? I was the one who was always there for them. I knew every scratch, every tear, every story at school that went on.I didnt know what to do. She wanted me to reply. However, I didnt do that. I waited until her next visit. What happened next changed things forever. We had a talk about the letter. I asked her why she had wrote tht and said I wasnt mad at her. I wanted to know what made her feel that way. She brought up a gin about me only having conditional love for her and then said out of the blue that I had 2 years ago told her that I dint love her. Now I was really confused. I had no idea where that had come from. She was so angry with me. She said she wanted time a way from me and would not even hug me or say I love you. % mins later her step mom called and I heard her say Did your mom make you mad? I was steamed. After that weekend I confronted my ex and his new wife and told them about what was going on. All my ex could say was it wasnt him telling her anything. It was all her. After that I was able to have a few more visits with her. I thought things were getting back to normal unitl the last week she spent with me in the summer. Her father would call and she would go into another room. Her step mom would also call to. After that visit she had just turned 12 and I havent seen her since due to her fathers interfernce and parental alienation. She has told me on two occassions on the phone that her dad told her when she turned 12 she didint have to come and see me anymore. What is also going on is he wont let me take my spcial needs daughter out of a certain radius. He has had her school write a letter stating that her traveling would be too much and might cause more seizures. I have not seen or heard from R. for 10 months now. I write letters. I call and leave messages. I have had numerous conversations with my ex. He has said its all me and if R. doesnt want to see me hes not pushing it. He has been a real jer k through all of this. I know what you are thinking. Why not take him back to court? Well I am in the process now of doing that. Due to financial times earlier I was not able to but my family has come through and made this possible. My ex has called the police telling them that I wouldnt give my daughter back. His mother assaulted me at their house when I went to pick up my daughter. He has made my life miserable. Before my father passed away last year he said start recording conversations. Yes this is legal if your wondering. Thats the best piece of advice I can give you. Record and write down everything even if you might think it means nothing. This is very serious. I dont know how the outcome will be but keep yopur fingers crossed for me and say a prayer if you would. To not know what you have done to cause this is very hurtful. I have even wrote her letters saying Im sorry even though I dont know what Ive done. To lose that close bond I had with my child and lose her just like that is painful. I lost my father last year to cancer and I feel like I lost R. also. Thats two very important people in my life just taken away. I had no idea what parental alienation was until I saw it online. My ex will be served today or tomorrow. Then the process will begin. I think I have a strong case. If anyone can give me some advice on how to get through this I would love to know. The easy part is going to be going to court. The hard part is if I do get regular visitation is how to restore my relationship with my daughter. The funny thing is I'm not mad at my daughter at all. I just want her back in my life the way it once was. I hope this story has helped some people understand that this type of abuse has to stop and needs to be known to every parent going through a divorce. Dont let this happen. Get a handle on it as soon as possible. You have rights and deserve the right to be involved in your childrens life.
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Greetings to all,
After being a targeted father and grandfather for about 22 years thanks to Rachel Foundation it just dawned on me that mentioning PAS to the allienated spouse children and grandchildren is conter-productive.
After eighteen years of no contact from my exfamily I came with a stratagem of my 13year old son from the second marriage to send his high-school 8th grade photo along with his letter to his married step sister.
Incredibly, in a few weeks we received a home made christmas card depicting three of my grandchildren. I called my daugher with thanks and congratulations. Then I called again wishing to talk with the oldest grandchild but the mother said she is in a bathroom and while awaiting her coming to the phone and talking with my daughter I mentioned how I discovered the PAS recently. This resulted in immediate hang up and no contact since.
Two years later my daugher with her four (was it then four ??? or three) small children and her husband recognized me on the sidewalk, we greeted one another cordially and left essentially without any words exchanged.
Two years ago I met her husband on the same sidewalk. He would not stop or return my "Hi"
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My Story : Women can also be the victim in this syndrome. It is not always the mother who does the alienating. My "husband" has been alienating me our entire marriage, and now that we are in the process of a divorce and the kids have equal time with each of us, he is now using the kids to try and "get dirt" on me to use against me to "prove" that I am a bad mom. Women can also be on the receiving end of this also. And it hurts more because we have usually been the primary caregivers in the childrens lives, and now the kids "hate" us.
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My Story : I am divorced, for awhile my husband was really negligent to our son, and hated me. He ignored him for almost 5 years because of his involvement with dating and partying. My week ends consisted of my sons friends spending every weekend, paint ball wars, sloppy joes, pop and scary movies. Our son was 8 years old when his father and I divorced, it was a bad divorce. My husband was very bitter and spiteful in a lot of ways. I put my son in archery, and gun sports and took him and 5 of his friends to the hunter safety courses, twice (to make sure they remembered everything). His father was, and still is an avid hunter and I knew if our son did the things his father liked to do, his dad might want a relationship with our son. When my son was fourteen he shot a nice 9 point buck on our property. That was the beginning of a great relationship with his father. It was the day before Thanksgiving, I came home from work early because my son suggested he was going hunting that day after school, I wanted to be home in case of an emergency or a touch of good luck. I sat at the dining room table with the doorwall slightly opened and sewed charity blankets. About 45 minutes into my sons hunting, I heard a shot, then another one. My heart was beating really fast, but I stayed seated until he came in the house. I will never forget my sons face that day. He was pale as a ghost. He stated to me he shot a deer. I asked him if it was dead, he said he thought so. I asked him if the eyes were opened or closed. He got a little angry with me and said he didn't know. I put my coat and boots on and we went to my 4 wheel to go to the back of the property. On the way off the porch, my son picked up the rug lying outside the door. I never questioned him, I figured I would find out soon. When we drove to the back of the property, I saw a big, nice buck lying near my son's blind. My son had never shot anything before, it was an emotional feeling for him, it started raining, I didn't really know if there were tears running down his face or rain drops. I explained to him hunting was not bad if the intentions were for food on the table. I told him to kill something just to be mean, was bad. I asked my son if he wanted to clean the deer, or if he wanted me to. His words, and I will never forget the pain in my heart, I knew the time would come when everything that I had done for him would benefit him and his dad. But I knew this was for my son and the sacrifices I made would be beneficial to him as he grew up. Anyway, his words were, and I will quote his words, because I will never forget them, "Mom, I want to call dad." I said ok, and we headed back to my blazer. By the way, he used the rug to cover the deer, I didn't ask him why, I had a feeling it was because he had mixed emotions about killing an animal. We got back to the house, he paged his dad. His dad called back within a few minutes. My son said, "Dad, I shot a nine point buck." He talked really calm, I could hear his dad on the phone excited and told our son he would be right over. His dad was here within 15 minutes. He came to the door and hugged our son and said "Let's go get it." Quietly I told his dad that our son (not mentioning names, I'm not sure my son would appreciate me telling this story. He's 23 now and just finished the police academy.) had mixed emotions on killing this animal and he should discuss with him the difference of murdering an animal and hunting. I went to the back with them and listened to his father talk like a real dad should. I was crying, I was glad it was raining because they never knew. I knew this was the day all of my efferts to make a relationship between the two of them had worked, now I was the one out of the picture. In which is ok, because my son needed both parents even though we were not married any longer. From then on, my son and his father, every hunting season packed up and headed north, or the both of them hunted on my property. After hunting, if it was at my house on the week end, his dad had dinner with us before he left. Granted, I had to keep my mouth tight a few times because his dad was still angry about the divorce, but when my son was not around, I explained to his dad his disrespect and insults would not be tolerated in my home or in front of our son. I told him he was only hurting our son because he was made of two people, not just one, to disrespect me would be to disrespect the part of me in our son. He has got better over the years, as long as he still can hunt here. LOL.
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My Story : My custody battle started 9 1/2 years ago. At first I had the children and I allowed him to have the children whenever he wanted them. Due to becoming homeless I asked him to take the children for 6 months so I could get on my feet. That was 9 1/2 years ago. My visitation is certain set hours and no overnights. He has told the courts that I have threatened to kidnap my children, that I discuss sex with them and other inappropriate behavior. Now, for visitation, I have to travel to that state, paying for gas, hotel, food, and entertainment. I make maybe minimum wage. I also have to pay my child support, any extra photos past the school pics (which I have not received since 2 years ago), phone calls (which he has recorded). I have not seen my children because I can't afford to take time off from work to travel and see them. If I take the time off then a bill doesn't get paid and his child support is shorted. He has told my children that I am a bitch, a whore, and that I am going to hell. My oldest daughter told me that he told her that I abused her. My phone calls (if I'm lucky) are limited to 45 minutes and he listens in on them. He has had me followed when I've been able to visit. He takes down my license plate number, the name and room number of the hotel I'm staying at. If the children and I are there he repeatedly calls.
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My Story : On July 13th 1993 my son was born. That was the best day of my life, I was a new father of a perfect little boy. All was so positive up until he was 5 years of age and the PAS started. Our marriage went sour due to my little boys illness called Cystic Fribrosis CF. We knew he was born with it and both parents have to be carriers of the ressesive gene for the child to be born with CF. Medical bills in the thousands of dollars created a hardship on our relationship and soon we were divorced. I filed bankruptcy and had no money to even survive my life it seemed. My ex-wife filed a garnishment on my minimum wage job the day the divorce was final not even allowing me the chance to make an attempt to pay my support. This entire ordeal has been going on for almost 10 years starting in 1997. I really am amazed that I am alive and walking today as I write my story over and over again. I have written so many different agencey's I can't remember who is who. My ex-wife met someone else and married again in 2000. In the State of Wyoming at that time there was a law in place that reads if your more then 60% behind in support that the state can perform a forced adoption if the support owed is not current within 90 days. I had no credit or resources to borrow money so I couldn't come up with that kind of money in 90 days. The ex-wife hired and attorney and she had a plan. The plan was to put enough presure on me that I would give my rights up. From the date of our seperation to the time the divorce was final up until March of 2002 the ex-wife would not let me see or speak to my son. I gave her 48 hours upon 48 hours notice for my visitation. In the divorce written on a legal court document I was to have rotating weekends and holidays and 8 weeks in the summer. I complied with the divorce requirments for my visitation. I would call her and she would not answer the phone. On one occation I called the Police and told them she was withholding my visitation and requested them to meet me at her home. I had my court document in hand that showed my visitation which I presented to the Police Officer. His reply was "This isn't worth the paper it's written on and told me I need to go in front of the judge" I ask him are you kidding? It says in black and white what my visitation rights were. I kept trying and trying to make every attempt to see my son, but everything I did she put road blocks up. She had caller ID and wouldn't answer the phone and when she did she told me that they had plans for the weekend I was to have my son or that my son didn't want to see me. At one point she recommended that I give my rights up and all this would go away and I wouldn't have to pay support. I told her no way and I would try and pay what I could. It got to the point on another occation I had called and she told me I could see my son if I gave her money. She also told my son that he could see his dad if I paid my support. I recorded all my phone calls and conversation in an attempt to get visitation so I would have some proof that I made every attempt possiable to see my son. The last time I was with my son was on October 15th 1999. My ex-wife needed to run around and take care of things and she couldn't get a babysitter. I guess I was the lucky guy that day and she called the school and let me sign him out for the day and I took him fishing all day. We laughed, smiled, and life was very good that day. I knew my son still loved his dad because he told me and called me daddy.Upon returning my son home that evening I was met at her front door by to adult males glaring at me through the screen door. I didn't but a year later I had found out that my ex-wife had called the Police and filed a custodial interferance complaint on me. She claimed I had kidnapped my son because we were 15 minutes coming back because I stopped and got him a happy meal at McDonalds.Before I left that day I gave her a contact number to where we would be, she never called and on the way into town I called her and told her my son and I would be a little late. She never mentioned a word about her concern and the Police complaint. My ex-wife mother told her that she should not let my son go with me again, that next time I would not reurn and run off with my son. Apparently PAS and HAS runs in that family. I had decided to move to a different state and try to improve my life and support my son. I still tried and tried to contact and make arrangments to see my son. As in the past all attempts failed. I had met someone new and had called my ex-wife again to ask for a summer visit. Her reply was she would not let my son be around a women she didn't know. I couldn't stand the feelings in my gut every morning upon awakening so I moved back to Wyoming with this positivness about me that I was determined no matter what to make this work this time and have my son in my life. It was worse then the last two previous times I was cut off from my son. Would you beleive she went as far as contacting my sons school principle and requesting that I have no contact with my son. He was 6 years old now and in the 4 or 5 grade. I have never done anything to harm my son or his mother, I had no restraining order and I was still his father. I went to the school one day and checked in with the office and explained I was my sons father, presented my drivers license and the lady at the front counter said no problem and asked if I would just wait there. Five minutes later here come the School principle and he explained that my ex-wife had a hand written note in my sons school file that I was not to see him and if I showed up the Principle was to call her at work. That was very easy because you see my ex-wife was a school teacher working in the same school district as the principle. I was asked to leave. So I did without causing any problems. This went on and on. I then received a letter written by her attorney stating that if I attempted to show up and see my son that I would be arrested for tresspass,stalking, and harrassment. I did nothing wrong! I did not break any laws. I then received a letter about four months later from her attorney telling me that my ex-wife and her new husband intended to adopt my son and change his name with or without my consent due to the law inplace at that time regarding back support. The attorney also indicated that I should take his deal now because it would be less more favorable for me in the future if I didn't. WOW! if this isn't PAS & HAS I don't know what is. From 1997 until March of 2002 I fought and fought for my rights as a father. I had no idea what my rights were. I was threatend with jail time, and forced adoption. I had scraped up $300.00 for what would be my last attempt to defend myself as a father to hire an attorney one last time. What would you think would happen? I didn't have a minimun of $2000.00 to take her to court for contempt. My attorney advised me I would be better off by taking their offer and possibly seeing my son when he became an adult. I signed a termination of parental rights and adoption. I still wish I knew then what I know now. MY RIGHTS! Since then my ex-wife tried to cut all contact off between my parents and my son. They filed suite in district court and my ex-wife settled out of court and my parents are able to speak to my son TWICE WEEK. The only problem with that is my ex-wife has brain washed my son and has turned him against them. He is 12 today and refuses to speak to them telling them he was just fine without them and things were better before they started calling and to just leave him alone. As long as I have known I don't know a 12 year old any where with that type of pre-suggested comments. There have been other occation when my parents would call where they could hear someone WHISPERING in the background telling my son what to say. Right now as I speak the court ordered agreement between my parents and my ex-wife is in complete violation. In the agreement it states that the parents will assist in the development of the grandparent child relationship and PARENTS will refrain from any further parental alienation. Here we see what appears to be a professional person, (my ex-wife)who teaches and instructs our young children in becoming successful adults. My question is this person is responsiable for 12-14 students in a classroom setting, but she neglects and abuses her own child, my son. I am sickend by this and my intent with all my writtings is to exspose PAS and HAS and to validate that this is mental abuse. PAS and HAS should be delt with no different then physical abuse. This should not be allowed to continue. Why don't these professionals see the damage this is doing to our children? If it takes writing a million letters explaining my expereince then this is what I will do. I intend to write a book about my trials and tribulation with PAS and HAS. Please don't do what I did and think you don't have rights, because you do. Look into every corner and gather all the imformation you can and most importantly never be intemidated by others. Thank You
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I have not seen my daughter for over 12 years because of parental
alienation. I feel so very deeply for those that have suffered from this,
and most especially for those veterans who came back from combat
with a PTSD diagnosis and the mother of these children turned them
against him. I have been there, and although I never harmed my children
they were kept from me and the law did little about it. They did make sure
that I paid my child support though, and if I didn't see my kids, they really
didn't care.
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My Story : As a 55 year old divorced father, I have not seen or spoke to my children for 7 years due to PAS and our dysfunctional judicial system. I spend plenty of my funds trying to fight the system, until I became ill and could no longer take the strain or afford the lawyers and courts. So I just pay whatever they tell me to and go on with my life not knowing my children. This hurts terribly; I lost, but the big losers are the children. Into the broader spectrum in this is the affect on the entire society of this country due to less and less father/family involvement. My story is quite a nightmare, but this is condensed to highlight the gist of your plight. Thank you.
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