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Letters from parents
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My Story : I remember testifying in court. The attorney asked why my sister-in-law would not be a good candidate for custody. I told them simply that she would do as she had with her first three children and disappear. She had been awarded custody of her first set of twins and promptly put them up for adoption. Then relentlessly went after the child awarded to her first ex-husband. I have heard and seen that she has advertised for her 'missing' children recently. She moved in with someone she met on line, disappeared, and did a smear campaign on line in several chat rooms against not only my brother, but the rest of us as well. She contacted my employer and tried to have me fired. She defied all courts in the process of denying my brother his children, to which the courts responded by cutting off all child support. Amazing, but true. She is still out there in her own fantasy world. We've had contact with one of the children; but fear the others are lost to us as they are "just like Mom." It's been 9 years. The pain is likened to a missing child, because we know they are out there, somewhere, but each attempt to contact them is met with histrionics by her; attempts to arrest us for harrassment of HER. After all, it is all about her, isn't it? Couldn't ever be that we want the relationship that was stolen from us by her cruelty. (She would privately gloat over this.)
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My Story : HELLO. IT HAS BEEN EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO COPE WITH THE LOSS OF MY DAUGHTER. I AM THE MOTHER OF 6 CHILDREN. I AM THE CURRENT CUSTODIAL PARENT OF 5 CHILDREN. I HAVE BEEN ALIENATED FROM CONTACT WITH HER BY HER FATHER. THE MATTER OF MY DAUGHTER'S RETURN HOME- HER TOTAL SEPARATION FROM US,HER FAMILY OF ORIGIN. FALSE ACCUSATIONS ALTHOUGH UNFOUNDED STILL , REMENTIONED CONSISTENTLY WITHOUT BASIS HAS BEEN IN THE FAMILY COURT SYSTEM IN PENNSYLVANIA SINCE FEBRUARY,2005 I WOULD SAY THAT MY X-HUSBAND CERTAINLY APPEARS AS THOUGH HE IS A VERY LOVING, CARING FATHER. I HAVE WITNESSED HIS ABILITY TO SYSTEMATICALLY USE THE COURT SYSTEM AS HIS SHIELD OF ARMOR AND WEAPON. THE 'PAIN' OF SEPARATION FROM YOUR CHILD IS EXCRUCIATING. IT WOULD BE EASIER FOR ME TO CONTINUE WITH THIS UNRELENTING QUEST TO REGAIN A RELATIONSHIP WITH MY DAUGHTER IF PEOPLE BECAME AWARE THAT ALL ALIENATORS ARE NOT WOMEN. MEN LIKE MY X-HUSBAND DO EXIST. HE IS A VERY ANGRY PERSON WHO HAS INTENT TO DO HARM. HIS ABILITY TO MANIPULATE OTHERS IS SOMETHING THAT HE DOES VERY WELL. HE APPEARS HONEST, CARING AND VERY PROTECTIVE. BEING ON THE DEFENSIVE END OF HIS ATTACKS I HAVE WATCHED AS MANAGES TO PERSUADE PEOPLE WITH DISHONEST STATEMENTS. HE SEEMS TO INTERNALIZE WHAT HE SAYS. I THINK HE AND OTHERS WHO USE CHILDREN THIS WAY HAVE THIS OVERWHELMING SENSE OF THE NEED TO FEEL JUSTIFIED AND IMPORTANT. HE MUST ACTUALLY BELIEVE THAT WHAT HE IS SAYING IS TRUE BECAUSE OF HOW EASILY HE CONVINCES HIMSELF AND OTHERS IMMEDIATELY WITH HIS UNTRUE STATEMENTS. MOTHERS CAN ALSO BE VICTIMS OF THIS HORRIBLE ASSAULT. THE PAINFUL EXPERIENCE OF ALIENATION/CONTINUOUS SEPARATION FROM YOUR CHILD IS A CRIME PEPETRATED BY FATHERS AS WELL. HE IS AN AGGRESSIVE HOSTILE PARENT WHO HAS LEARNED HOW TO 'WORK THE SYSTEM.'
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My Story : I will be short on my story because of the interference by certain groups This story is very long. One year ago after 6 years of paying child support but never seeing my 5 children. I tried to fight again just to see or get custody of my children. In court my Ex: wife who is bipolar started screaming saying you will never see your kids. If I was a man that said that in court I would have lost custody of the children immediately. This was said in court. My new wife saw this reaction also and was shocked that I was telling the truth. That my ex: said anything and I would be the one that would go threw hell. The court appointed person statement to me was that I need to get a lawyer to try to get custody. How can I do that? when people that is suppose to work for the courts ask me how do i afford a lawyer? Then run me back and forth to court 36 times in a 3 year period if I do have a lawyer. Then a lawyer will tell me to live with someone and just pay the support.
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My Story : My X took my child out of state after she was arrested for Felony Domestic violence against me in the presence of our child. She told me I'd never see my child again. The police wouldn't help me, the courts were too slow to act and we spent 14 months just deciding who had jurisdiction. 3 years later and she has moved my child about 9 times since our divorce. She has remarried and they tell my daughter that step-dad is her real dad. They tell her I'm crazy and that they will protect her from me. She often doesn't want to speak to me by phone, and when she does, I can usually hear her mom next to her feeding her things to say like " my mommy's trying really hard to be nice to her, why can't you be nice to her too?" I have to threaten court action to spend a weekend with my child, and when I do get to see her I spend half of the trip dancing around statements like "You can't keep me, you know I have to go back to my mommy and daddy's house..." I can't tell her the truth of what's happening but I can't lie to protect her mother's misinformation. It's become a very tight diplomatic tight rope walk to let her know that I love her so deeply and am doing all I can to spend time with her, without trying to make her mom look bad by telling her what's really happening. She's already telling me that she doesn't want to spend vacation time with me because she want to be with her family. I have never said negative things about her mom and try to be suppotive and encouraging of their relationship, which only lends creedence to her mother's authority in telling her lies about me. There's no way to win this kind of fight and I can see that it's only a matter of time before she herself, like her mom, seeks to cut off all contact with me. Except, of course, financially |
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My Story : I lost a custody battle due to involvement of my mother to gain the earn income tax credit. My mother joined together with my ex-wife to stop my visitation rights unless I am supervised. The judge order this with out any evidence. In fact the judge was very bias in my case. There was a time in one court apperance in which I was the only one there and the judge this ok.
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My Story : I am 47 and the father on 4 children who I have not seen (other than in court once) since August 15th of 2005. I am one of 5 children. My parents have 17 grandchildren. I have thanked my parents on several occasions for the way they have raised me. My ex wife comes from a divorced home and is in constant battle with her mother. She has a brother who she doesn't speak to. I June of 04 my wife asked me for a divorce in our 22nd year of marriage. It was never a good marriage and there was much interference from my mother in-law While I do admit being old fashioned in the way I raised my children I did not deserve was I was accused of. I boast of the fact that I have 2 daughters in their 20's who never came home drunk, high on drugs, smoking or pregnant. In June of 05 someone made a report to Child Protection Services (CPS) that I was beating my wife and my son who incidently is multiply handicapped. This report never amounted to anything so six weeks later I was arrested for sexually abusing my handicapped son. An order of protection OOP was issued and I spent 5 hours in jail. Note that I was in business for 20 years, I was a NYS pistol permit holder for 25 years, I was never arrested and never broke any laws. It didn't matter. I was in a 4way court battle. Divorce court, family court with her, family court with CPS, and criminal court. A law guardian was appointed for my son and youngest daughter. I would note that for the past 10 years I got my son up every morning, cleaned and dressed him, put him in his wheel chair and brought him to the breakfast table. I would shower him nightly, dry him and shave him when necessary. I installed; a pool for his therapy, handicapped shower for his hygiene, and a wheel chair lift in the house. I bought a 40,000 conversion van and alone I installed the wheel chair lift into that from our old van. Well family court was dropped by CPS, the law guardian was 100% on my side, my ex even settled family court with an OOP for her and nothing for the kids. The female DA in the criminal court would not give up. Almost a year and 4 months later she offered me an Adjournment contemplating dismissal ACD. However I had to agree to not seeing my children for another year and only communicate with them by letter and email. Mind you that my son who is 19 cannot read or write. They exhausted me. The judge had me in his chambers for 40 minutes talking me into this deal. I regret I took it. My children have been so brainwashed against me that 1 therapist said this can never be fixed. My son's therapist won't speak to me at all. I can go on and one but I will end this story here. Thank you.
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My Story : I have been alienated from my son (now 7) for most of the past 4 years. April 6 my son turned 7, then Sunday was Easter. As usual, I was refused contact even by phone to wish my son a Happy Birthday or Easter. I sent gifts but will never know if he received them, and will not be allowed to ask him if he liked them. His mother and a biased family court system have done everything they can to keep my son from me. Court orders for visitation are worthless when the mother ignores them and the courts refuse to do anything at all about it. I have had only 5 months with my son in the past 4 years, when I was given temporary custody when his mother abandoned him. The courts gave him right back to her after that time, even though he did much better with me, and I haven't been allowed any rights since. I have tried to have her held accountable for contempt of the visitation orders several times with no results. To make things worse the system has ignored proven neglect, abuse and abandonment of my son in his mother's home. I'm scared to death for my child, and I feel like I'm no longer any part of the American system that I use to believe in. I'm a second-class citizen with no rights, as is my child. (If a man speaks in the woods, and no woman is there to hear, is he still wrong?)
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Some wisdom gained:
My Story : My story is a little different from most I'm sure. I am the parent who is being alienated against. I cant tell you how much this hurts. I will start from when my husband and I got divorced. I have 2 children. B. who is 5 and is also a special needs child and another daughter who is 12 and will be 13 next month. I was always the caregiver in the home. My whole life was my kids. When my exhusband and I split up we were on good terms.We had decided that we were going to alternate the kids every other weekend. My husband had met another woman pretty quick and I was all by myself. I had to get 2 jobs and I was taking a class at the community college. All my family was in California so when I say all by myself thats what I mean. B. is a special little girl who requires attention 100% of the time. You cant leave her alone for a minute. She has partial complex seizures along with a severe developmental delay. I tried taking her to work with me for a while and I tried daycare but it didnt work out. Her attention took away my work performance so I was left with a horrible decision to have to make. My husband and I were talking one evening about B. and he mentioned that his new wife was going to be able to stay at home full time and be able to tend for B. I told him I was about ready to lose my job and we needed to do something pretty quick. He also mentioned he would be able to have B's therapies start up. When it came time to put everything on paper for the Decree we decidied we didnt need to draw up a parenting plan. He told me I could see the kids when I wanted. I could be envolved in everything that had to do with medical decisions, schooling, alternating holidays, vacations. That was the worse mistake I couldve made. Not getting the parenting plan drawn up so it ended up saying noncustodal parent may have visitation with the verbal agreement of both parties. Everything was great for the first year. He divorced a gain a year later and had two more kids. I had just moved 100 miles a way but still actively involved with my kids. R., my 12 year old, starting making comments to me saying that I only have conditional love for her and her father has unconfditional love for her. I had no idea where that was coming from. She was starting to become rebellious in a lot of ways. We were so close before. Soon my exhusband had married f or a third time and my daughter had sent me a letter statting that her new step mom has been a better mother to her thatn I had been in 12 years. I was s o hurt. I had to go in another room and cry. How could this be happening? I was the one who was always there for them. I knew every scratch, every tear, every story at school that went on.I didnt know what to do. She wanted me to reply. However, I didnt do that. I waited until her next visit. What happened next changed things forever. We had a talk about the letter. I asked her why she had wrote tht and said I wasnt mad at her. I wanted to know what made her feel that way. She brought up a gin about me only having conditional love for her and then said out of the blue that I had 2 years ago told her that I dint love her. Now I was really confused. I had no idea where that had come from. She was so angry with me. She said she wanted time a way from me and would not even hug me or say I love you. % mins later her step mom called and I heard her say Did your mom make you mad? I was steamed. After that weekend I confronted my ex and his new wife and told them about what was going on. All my ex could say was it wasnt him telling her anything. It was all her. After that I was able to have a few more visits with her. I thought things were getting back to normal unitl the last week she spent with me in the summer. Her father would call and she would go into another room. Her step mom would also call to. After that visit she had just turned 12 and I havent seen her since due to her fathers interfernce and parental alienation. She has told me on two occassions on the phone that her dad told her when she turned 12 she didint have to come and see me anymore. What is also going on is he wont let me take my spcial needs daughter out of a certain radius. He has had her school write a letter stating that her traveling would be too much and might cause more seizures. I have not seen or heard from R. for 10 months now. I write letters. I call and leave messages. I have had numerous conversations with my ex. He has said its all me and if R. doesnt want to see me hes not pushing it. He has been a real jer k through all of this. I know what you are thinking. Why not take him back to court? Well I am in the process now of doing that. Due to financial times earlier I was not able to but my family has come through and made this possible. My ex has called the police telling them that I wouldnt give my daughter back. His mother assaulted me at their house when I went to pick up my daughter. He has made my life miserable. Before my father passed away last year he said start recording conversations. Yes this is legal if your wondering. Thats the best piece of advice I can give you. Record and write down everything even if you might think it means nothing. This is very serious. I dont know how the outcome will be but keep yopur fingers crossed for me and say a prayer if you would. To not know what you have done to cause this is very hurtful. I have even wrote her letters saying Im sorry even though I dont know what Ive done. To lose that close bond I had with my child and lose her just like that is painful. I lost my father last year to cancer and I feel like I lost R. also. Thats two very important people in my life just taken away. I had no idea what parental alienation was until I saw it online. My ex will be served today or tomorrow. Then the process will begin. I think I have a strong case. If anyone can give me some advice on how to get through this I would love to know. The easy part is going to be going to court. The hard part is if I do get regular visitation is how to restore my relationship with my daughter. The funny thing is I'm not mad at my daughter at all. I just want her back in my life the way it once was. I hope this story has helped some people understand that this type of abuse has to stop and needs to be known to every parent going through a divorce. Dont let this happen. Get a handle on it as soon as possible. You have rights and deserve the right to be involved in your childrens life.
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Greetings to all,
After being a targeted father and grandfather for about 22 years thanks to Rachel Foundation it just dawned on me that mentioning PAS to the allienated spouse children and grandchildren is conter-productive.
After eighteen years of no contact from my exfamily I came with a stratagem of my 13year old son from the second marriage to send his high-school 8th grade photo along with his letter to his married step sister.
Incredibly, in a few weeks we received a home made christmas card depicting three of my grandchildren. I called my daugher with thanks and congratulations. Then I called again wishing to talk with the oldest grandchild but the mother said she is in a bathroom and while awaiting her coming to the phone and talking with my daughter I mentioned how I discovered the PAS recently. This resulted in immediate hang up and no contact since.
Two years later my daugher with her four (was it then four ??? or three) small children and her husband recognized me on the sidewalk, we greeted one another cordially and left essentially without any words exchanged.
Two years ago I met her husband on the same sidewalk. He would not stop or return my "Hi"
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My Story : Women can also be the victim in this syndrome. It is not always the mother who does the alienating. My "husband" has been alienating me our entire marriage, and now that we are in the process of a divorce and the kids have equal time with each of us, he is now using the kids to try and "get dirt" on me to use against me to "prove" that I am a bad mom. Women can also be on the receiving end of this also. And it hurts more because we have usually been the primary caregivers in the childrens lives, and now the kids "hate" us.
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My Story : I am divorced, for awhile my husband was really negligent to our son, and hated me. He ignored him for almost 5 years because of his involvement with dating and partying. My week ends consisted of my sons friends spending every weekend, paint ball wars, sloppy joes, pop and scary movies. Our son was 8 years old when his father and I divorced, it was a bad divorce. My husband was very bitter and spiteful in a lot of ways. I put my son in archery, and gun sports and took him and 5 of his friends to the hunter safety courses, twice (to make sure they remembered everything). His father was, and still is an avid hunter and I knew if our son did the things his father liked to do, his dad might want a relationship with our son. When my son was fourteen he shot a nice 9 point buck on our property. That was the beginning of a great relationship with his father. It was the day before Thanksgiving, I came home from work early because my son suggested he was going hunting that day after school, I wanted to be home in case of an emergency or a touch of good luck. I sat at the dining room table with the doorwall slightly opened and sewed charity blankets. About 45 minutes into my sons hunting, I heard a shot, then another one. My heart was beating really fast, but I stayed seated until he came in the house. I will never forget my sons face that day. He was pale as a ghost. He stated to me he shot a deer. I asked him if it was dead, he said he thought so. I asked him if the eyes were opened or closed. He got a little angry with me and said he didn't know. I put my coat and boots on and we went to my 4 wheel to go to the back of the property. On the way off the porch, my son picked up the rug lying outside the door. I never questioned him, I figured I would find out soon. When we drove to the back of the property, I saw a big, nice buck lying near my son's blind. My son had never shot anything before, it was an emotional feeling for him, it started raining, I didn't really know if there were tears running down his face or rain drops. I explained to him hunting was not bad if the intentions were for food on the table. I told him to kill something just to be mean, was bad. I asked my son if he wanted to clean the deer, or if he wanted me to. His words, and I will never forget the pain in my heart, I knew the time would come when everything that I had done for him would benefit him and his dad. But I knew this was for my son and the sacrifices I made would be beneficial to him as he grew up. Anyway, his words were, and I will quote his words, because I will never forget them, "Mom, I want to call dad." I said ok, and we headed back to my blazer. By the way, he used the rug to cover the deer, I didn't ask him why, I had a feeling it was because he had mixed emotions about killing an animal. We got back to the house, he paged his dad. His dad called back within a few minutes. My son said, "Dad, I shot a nine point buck." He talked really calm, I could hear his dad on the phone excited and told our son he would be right over. His dad was here within 15 minutes. He came to the door and hugged our son and said "Let's go get it." Quietly I told his dad that our son (not mentioning names, I'm not sure my son would appreciate me telling this story. He's 23 now and just finished the police academy.) had mixed emotions on killing this animal and he should discuss with him the difference of murdering an animal and hunting. I went to the back with them and listened to his father talk like a real dad should. I was crying, I was glad it was raining because they never knew. I knew this was the day all of my efferts to make a relationship between the two of them had worked, now I was the one out of the picture. In which is ok, because my son needed both parents even though we were not married any longer. From then on, my son and his father, every hunting season packed up and headed north, or the both of them hunted on my property. After hunting, if it was at my house on the week end, his dad had dinner with us before he left. Granted, I had to keep my mouth tight a few times because his dad was still angry about the divorce, but when my son was not around, I explained to his dad his disrespect and insults would not be tolerated in my home or in front of our son. I told him he was only hurting our son because he was made of two people, not just one, to disrespect me would be to disrespect the part of me in our son. He has got better over the years, as long as he still can hunt here. LOL.
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My Story : My custody battle started 9 1/2 years ago. At first I had the children and I allowed him to have the children whenever he wanted them. Due to becoming homeless I asked him to take the children for 6 months so I could get on my feet. That was 9 1/2 years ago. My visitation is certain set hours and no overnights. He has told the courts that I have threatened to kidnap my children, that I discuss sex with them and other inappropriate behavior. Now, for visitation, I have to travel to that state, paying for gas, hotel, food, and entertainment. I make maybe minimum wage. I also have to pay my child support, any extra photos past the school pics (which I have not received since 2 years ago), phone calls (which he has recorded). I have not seen my children because I can't afford to take time off from work to travel and see them. If I take the time off then a bill doesn't get paid and his child support is shorted. He has told my children that I am a bitch, a whore, and that I am going to hell. My oldest daughter told me that he told her that I abused her. My phone calls (if I'm lucky) are limited to 45 minutes and he listens in on them. He has had me followed when I've been able to visit. He takes down my license plate number, the name and room number of the hotel I'm staying at. If the children and I are there he repeatedly calls.
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My Story : On July 13th 1993 my son was born. That was the best day of my life, I was a new father of a perfect little boy. All was so positive up until he was 5 years of age and the PAS started. Our marriage went sour due to my little boys illness called Cystic Fribrosis CF. We knew he was born with it and both parents have to be carriers of the ressesive gene for the child to be born with CF. Medical bills in the thousands of dollars created a hardship on our relationship and soon we were divorced. I filed bankruptcy and had no money to even survive my life it seemed. My ex-wife filed a garnishment on my minimum wage job the day the divorce was final not even allowing me the chance to make an attempt to pay my support. This entire ordeal has been going on for almost 10 years starting in 1997. I really am amazed that I am alive and walking today as I write my story over and over again. I have written so many different agencey's I can't remember who is who. My ex-wife met someone else and married again in 2000. In the State of Wyoming at that time there was a law in place that reads if your more then 60% behind in support that the state can perform a forced adoption if the support owed is not current within 90 days. I had no credit or resources to borrow money so I couldn't come up with that kind of money in 90 days. The ex-wife hired and attorney and she had a plan. The plan was to put enough presure on me that I would give my rights up. From the date of our seperation to the time the divorce was final up until March of 2002 the ex-wife would not let me see or speak to my son. I gave her 48 hours upon 48 hours notice for my visitation. In the divorce written on a legal court document I was to have rotating weekends and holidays and 8 weeks in the summer. I complied with the divorce requirments for my visitation. I would call her and she would not answer the phone. On one occation I called the Police and told them she was withholding my visitation and requested them to meet me at her home. I had my court document in hand that showed my visitation which I presented to the Police Officer. His reply was "This isn't worth the paper it's written on and told me I need to go in front of the judge" I ask him are you kidding? It says in black and white what my visitation rights were. I kept trying and trying to make every attempt to see my son, but everything I did she put road blocks up. She had caller ID and wouldn't answer the phone and when she did she told me that they had plans for the weekend I was to have my son or that my son didn't want to see me. At one point she recommended that I give my rights up and all this would go away and I wouldn't have to pay support. I told her no way and I would try and pay what I could. It got to the point on another occation I had called and she told me I could see my son if I gave her money. She also told my son that he could see his dad if I paid my support. I recorded all my phone calls and conversation in an attempt to get visitation so I would have some proof that I made every attempt possiable to see my son. The last time I was with my son was on October 15th 1999. My ex-wife needed to run around and take care of things and she couldn't get a babysitter. I guess I was the lucky guy that day and she called the school and let me sign him out for the day and I took him fishing all day. We laughed, smiled, and life was very good that day. I knew my son still loved his dad because he told me and called me daddy.Upon returning my son home that evening I was met at her front door by to adult males glaring at me through the screen door. I didn't but a year later I had found out that my ex-wife had called the Police and filed a custodial interferance complaint on me. She claimed I had kidnapped my son because we were 15 minutes coming back because I stopped and got him a happy meal at McDonalds.Before I left that day I gave her a contact number to where we would be, she never called and on the way into town I called her and told her my son and I would be a little late. She never mentioned a word about her concern and the Police complaint. My ex-wife mother told her that she should not let my son go with me again, that next time I would not reurn and run off with my son. Apparently PAS and HAS runs in that family. I had decided to move to a different state and try to improve my life and support my son. I still tried and tried to contact and make arrangments to see my son. As in the past all attempts failed. I had met someone new and had called my ex-wife again to ask for a summer visit. Her reply was she would not let my son be around a women she didn't know. I couldn't stand the feelings in my gut every morning upon awakening so I moved back to Wyoming with this positivness about me that I was determined no matter what to make this work this time and have my son in my life. It was worse then the last two previous times I was cut off from my son. Would you beleive she went as far as contacting my sons school principle and requesting that I have no contact with my son. He was 6 years old now and in the 4 or 5 grade. I have never done anything to harm my son or his mother, I had no restraining order and I was still his father. I went to the school one day and checked in with the office and explained I was my sons father, presented my drivers license and the lady at the front counter said no problem and asked if I would just wait there. Five minutes later here come the School principle and he explained that my ex-wife had a hand written note in my sons school file that I was not to see him and if I showed up the Principle was to call her at work. That was very easy because you see my ex-wife was a school teacher working in the same school district as the principle. I was asked to leave. So I did without causing any problems. This went on and on. I then received a letter written by her attorney stating that if I attempted to show up and see my son that I would be arrested for tresspass,stalking, and harrassment. I did nothing wrong! I did not break any laws. I then received a letter about four months later from her attorney telling me that my ex-wife and her new husband intended to adopt my son and change his name with or without my consent due to the law inplace at that time regarding back support. The attorney also indicated that I should take his deal now because it would be less more favorable for me in the future if I didn't. WOW! if this isn't PAS & HAS I don't know what is. From 1997 until March of 2002 I fought and fought for my rights as a father. I had no idea what my rights were. I was threatend with jail time, and forced adoption. I had scraped up $300.00 for what would be my last attempt to defend myself as a father to hire an attorney one last time. What would you think would happen? I didn't have a minimun of $2000.00 to take her to court for contempt. My attorney advised me I would be better off by taking their offer and possibly seeing my son when he became an adult. I signed a termination of parental rights and adoption. I still wish I knew then what I know now. MY RIGHTS! Since then my ex-wife tried to cut all contact off between my parents and my son. They filed suite in district court and my ex-wife settled out of court and my parents are able to speak to my son TWICE WEEK. The only problem with that is my ex-wife has brain washed my son and has turned him against them. He is 12 today and refuses to speak to them telling them he was just fine without them and things were better before they started calling and to just leave him alone. As long as I have known I don't know a 12 year old any where with that type of pre-suggested comments. There have been other occation when my parents would call where they could hear someone WHISPERING in the background telling my son what to say. Right now as I speak the court ordered agreement between my parents and my ex-wife is in complete violation. In the agreement it states that the parents will assist in the development of the grandparent child relationship and PARENTS will refrain from any further parental alienation. Here we see what appears to be a professional person, (my ex-wife)who teaches and instructs our young children in becoming successful adults. My question is this person is responsiable for 12-14 students in a classroom setting, but she neglects and abuses her own child, my son. I am sickend by this and my intent with all my writtings is to exspose PAS and HAS and to validate that this is mental abuse. PAS and HAS should be delt with no different then physical abuse. This should not be allowed to continue. Why don't these professionals see the damage this is doing to our children? If it takes writing a million letters explaining my expereince then this is what I will do. I intend to write a book about my trials and tribulation with PAS and HAS. Please don't do what I did and think you don't have rights, because you do. Look into every corner and gather all the imformation you can and most importantly never be intemidated by others. Thank You
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I have not seen my daughter for over 12 years because of parental
alienation. I feel so very deeply for those that have suffered from this,
and most especially for those veterans who came back from combat
with a PTSD diagnosis and the mother of these children turned them
against him. I have been there, and although I never harmed my children
they were kept from me and the law did little about it. They did make sure
that I paid my child support though, and if I didn't see my kids, they really
didn't care.
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My Story : As a 55 year old divorced father, I have not seen or spoke to my children for 7 years due to PAS and our dysfunctional judicial system. I spend plenty of my funds trying to fight the system, until I became ill and could no longer take the strain or afford the lawyers and courts. So I just pay whatever they tell me to and go on with my life not knowing my children. This hurts terribly; I lost, but the big losers are the children. Into the broader spectrum in this is the affect on the entire society of this country due to less and less father/family involvement. My story is quite a nightmare, but this is condensed to highlight the gist of your plight. Thank you.
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My Story : My two grandsons, their mother and my son (their father) lived with my husband and I, for 2 years. The mother stayed in her room when my son was at work, and I cared for the children. My son was not the best boyfriend, but he was a very loving and caring father. A little over a year ago, my husband and I moved to Tennessee. With the assumption that we would talk to the boys often and visit and write to each other. About a month after we moved, the mother took the boys and moved to her mother's. From that point on, her family was calling the shots. She was granted an order of protection, to "protect" the boys from their father. Since then, he has spent a total of 2 hours with them, under supervision. He was scolded for "hugging and crying" in the boys' presence, and the visits were discontinued. He called to try to find out if his boys were okay. For his trouble he spent 5 days in Lake County Jail. And has 4 charges of "invasion of privacy" for calling. He has to pay money that we don't have for a lawyer, because Legal Aid told him they didn't have the resources to help him to get visitation and parenting time. And my family and I aren't allowed to even speak to the children on the phone. My son is now living in Kansas with his new girlfriend, trying to move on with his life with the hope that once the children have a say in what happens to them, they will get to have contact with their father. He is not even allowed to speak to them on their birthdays, Christmas or other holidays. I have been told by the mother's aunt that they are allowing the boys to have the letters I have been sending. But I make sure not to mention their father in the letters. We have to be very careful not to make her mad. My son wrote a letter to them just after Christmas, and the mother called the police. Now he has another "invasion of privacy" charge to deal with. When does it end?! The boys are growing up without their father. Or grandparents. The mother's father distanced himself from the family when she was a child, and the mother's mother passed away last June. So myself and my husband are the only grandparents they have.I truly believe the boys are being abused by not allowing us to at least talk to them on the phone. I mean, REALLY!! What would it hurt?
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My Story : JUST ANOTHER TRAGEDY IN NEW HAMPSHIRE What a tragedy both for me and my son. I am an exceptional father who enjoys children greatly, but because of the event of a divorce taking place in New Hampshire, I was relegated to becoming an every other weekend visitation Dad. Now, I have no idea of what either I or my son did that would have caused the court of this state for all intents and purposes to so severely diminish the time we can spend together. It is very difficult to be a good father as well as instrumental in a child's development when you become an every other weekend Dad. The lunacy of this concept is beyond me. What gives the State of New Hampshire the right to curtail my constitutional rights to nurture my child as I see fit? The estrangement that the state created is everlasting and irreparable. It is impossible to share a childhood of experiences with your child every other weekend. I ask you, does this appear to be "in the best interest of the child"? My son doesn't think so, nor do I, but this is the sentence a good father is cast for being divorced in the State of New Hampshire. The state can never replace all the lost pleasures and experiences shared between a father and son throughout his childhood and adolescent years. Who gave the state this great power? Certainly not I as a citizen nor my son. We are just two of thousands of victims the state has perpetuated this judicial hedonistic concept. It is my fervent hope, the state will come to its senses and not continue to impede my constitutional right to parent my son.
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My Story : I was married for 20 years to a brutal , vindictive woman with severe personality disorders along with an eight - year addiction to cocaine . This union produced four wonderful children ages 16, 19 , 21, and 23. I stayed in this destructive marriage as I had mistakenly thought that giving her children would make her happy-and to stabilize their environment as her illnesses unfolded. During the latter years of the marriage , she often complained bitterly about the kids, yearning openly how she could'nt wait for them to grow up and leave .I could not and still cannot understand that. When she tossed me out of the home for failing to fall into her latest venture- that of affiliation with cult-like , self-proclaimed hyper-Christians , she recognized the monetary value of the kids as such almost immediately. She was unable to manipulate or frighten the elder three kids, whom left her shortly after I was thrown out. However , she has been able to overwhelm my impressionable 16 year old son whom has been subjected to her trap since the inept GAL assigned her as primary parent . He did this in spite of his absolute downward spin ; failing and repeating the ninth grade , frequent pot smoking ,beer - drinking and loss of interest in many activities ; he has also been arrested for a felony act of vandalism all on her watch .This is meaningless to the courts or the fraudulent GAL. Weekends and two to three nights a week with him had been the norm , until she told him / coerced him in to coming to my home less and less to the point that I only see or hear from him when he is in trouble with the law or needs gas money . She was explicit with my oldest boy- whom , after he fled her home and moved in with me had told me that his Mother was upset because , in her words, " I'll get less money now." I coached my kids while she would berate me for attending to them consistently.My devotion to them violated her narcissistic attitudes while we were married . They flourished because of me while she was off spending time making clay drums in the woods with man-hating women's groups.They aspired to be the best young adults that they have become because of me - all the while she was either attending to her Mother's helplessness or some religious function , or while she was high on cocaine somewhere. Now she's Mother of the Year, and I've been relegated to the status of an uncle to my son. This is only a snapshot of the hell that I am in. I miss my son , and have to be so very careful not to upset her about wanting him to be closer to me because she'll make his life so much more difficult . I asked my son about a year ago how he was getting along with his Mother , and he replied," I dunno..I don't know how I will be able to handle her mood-swings." The GAL made 2000 dollars to assign my vulnerable boy to a psycho . I am a retired Police Officer and now a full-time college professor . Everything here as stated is true and I have no recourse other than to call my boy everyday to tell him how much I love him and cry myself to sleep as I watch him transformed from my son to a meal-ticket for a terrible person.
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My Story : There are two sides to every story and I do not claim to be without fault in the failure of my marriage to my children's mother. Regardless of fault or which side someone might have been on they cannot say honestly that I was a bad father or that I deserved to lose the three people that meant more to me than all else on this Earth. Those people are my daughter and two sons. I was married to my first wife for 18 years before our separation. Over the years of that marriage there were many threats of divorce, financial ruin and the loss of my children but I always attributed the later two to the heat of the moment. The former just seemed inevitable due to two people that married at such a young age despite the advice of our parents and friends. We made unwise decisions financially and gave no thought for the future beyond the next paycheck. There were daily fights and one family being pitted against another. Generally a very rocky 18 years. The argument could be made of 'why did you have children then?' but we were married and part of a marriage in our minds was producing children, a legacy for each of our families. So we did. I have no doubt that we both loved them. We just had different ways of showing it and while the children grew we still did not seem to much care for each other and as was stated often 'if it weren't for the children.' we would and probably should have gone our separate ways. Unfortunately for me, once we finally decided on that course of action she also in her mind decided that this meant I was no longer to be a father. More than once in the later years she made comments such as 'I will do everything in my power to make them not want anything to do with you' and 'Over my dead body will I have to share them with you or your family on holidays'. Red lights should have been flashing here but as someone that could never think of doing that to her I just could no fathom having it actually done to me. In the year that we separated we agreed to wait until the end of the school year so that once we told the children they would not have to deal with this news and still go to school. Well the day came and I arrived home that evening after work to have 'our' sit down with the children. When I walked in the door I was met with very hysterical 9, 11 and 17 year olds. And as I learned during the next hour or so, she had told them before I arrived. To this day I do not know exactly what she said but judging from their reaction it was not just 'your father and I are going to live apart for a while' as we had agreed when we discussed the time and date of this family meeting. I will never forget to my dying breath, as I was sitting there trying to reign in the hysterics of my children the look on their mother's face. It gives me chills and angers me all at the same time each time I remember it. It was an 'I told you so' sort of narrow eyed tight lipped smirk that should of told me all I needed to know about the next few years of hate that I was in store for. Once it became apparent that I was not going to get a word in edgewise with any of them and they had all gone to their rooms and locked me out I decided it was time to leave. As I was walking down the drive to my truck and she was standing at the door smirking I turned and said 'what you did in there was just wrong and you know it.' With a smile she closed the door. Over the next few months I learned just exactly what she was capable of and that what I had experienced that day was just the beginning. I received letters from members of her family railing at me for things like having large savings accounts with tens of thousands of dollars that I was hiding and trying to kick her and the kids out of the house. I heard rumors of things like I was sleeping with numerous women or that I was gay. And the attacks weren't just limited to me but they also effected my family in a town over 300 miles away. She was busy spreading rumors and lies in an attempt to make anyone she could turn on me and think negatively of me and my family. She called mutual friends we met while I was in the military and told them her imaginative tales. I heard through other friends that my children were starting to parrot some of these things to their friends in school. Things like 'my dad wont support us or give us any money' which was very untrue because in the year plus before the divorce was final I paid 100% of the household expenses there and delayed getting my own apartment to do it. She had me having an affair with my boss at work. And the really juicy part was that it was a threeway affair with her, her husband and me. On to the kids. My oldest son had a mild speech impediment that he was seeing a school district therapist to correct. Shortly after I moved out the speech therapist moved in with my ex and kids. I'm not going to make any accusations or tell any stories of wild lesbian sex trysts between them but I will say that those rumors were going around and were not my doing. I began to see this therapist, lets call her Vicky, following me around town. I would go into a store and see her driving across the parking lot. Or I would go to a friends house and catch her driving down the alley or the next street over. So it was apparent that she was playing the part of private investigator for the ex. I always coached my oldest sons baseball teams. It was just something we enjoyed doing together. I liked being my son's coach and he liked having dad there during practice and games. At the time of our separation, baseball tryouts and registration had already taken place and as usual I was his coach and the team was set. One day I'm in the little league office talking with another coach and looking over my roster before the first practice and I see that my sons name is not on the list. I went looking and asked one of the office staff about this. It was then that I was told he had been moved to another team at his mother's request. A team that did not need another coach. When I went to inquire about this at the house she would not even let me see my son. She said he didn't want to talk to me but had asked her to give me a message. It was that he did not want me to come to any of his games and please not to ask him about it if and when he decided to talk to me again. There were many times that I would call or go by the house and could not talk to anyone other than my ex or Vicky. Sometimes I would get to listen to whichever one answered the phone ask the kids 'do any of you want to talk to him?' and got to hear the replies of 'no thanks' or 'not a chance'. And then have to listen to the sarcastic response of 'I'm so sorry, but they don't want to talk right now, maybe later.' And that would be the end of the conversation. When I did get to see them it was rarely more than one at a time. And the ground rules were that I was not allowed to discuss anything that the kids were not comfortable with and if I attempted to discuss anything related to their mother that I was to bring them home immediately. One time when I got to talk to my youngest son on the phone he was being sort of tight lipped and not real conversational so on a hunch I asked him to respond yes or no, was either his mother or Vicky watching him. And he answered yes. And when I asked him was it his mother he said no. So I asked one last question before I ended the conversation because I didn't want to keep him in that uncomfortable a place, I asked 'has this happened before' to which he responded yes. So I confirmed that Vicky was very much involved in these games too. On another occasion that I had to be with my youngest son we went out to dinner and to one of those video game places where you put money on a card and then play games until the money ran out. We discussed some plans for our next time together and he was very positive about it and seemed to be looking forward to it. So much so that on the way taking him back home he called ahead to tell his mother about what we had planned. I could tell during their conversation that she had not been favorable to this because his expression seemed to change and he got quiet for the rest of the ride and would not answer my questions of what was wrong. As I pulled up to the house he got out of the car his mother was coming down the sidewalk. She met him halfway down before I could get of and walk around the car. She grabbed him by the arm and made a face like talking through gritted teeth real close to his ear. As he turned and walked back to me he had tears going down his face and told me through a quivering voice that he had plans that next week and wouldn't be able to see me. In the mean time she had gone back in the house but was standing at the window next to the door watching us. When he finished telling me this and I had responded with 'that's ok, buddy. We'll try to do it some other time.' I hugged him and told him I loved him then he turned and walked back in the front door. I saw through the window as he turned down the hall to his room with his mother right behind him, mouth moving. This set the stage for a phone call I would receive the next day. I was in my office at work and the phone rings. I pick it up and it was my youngest son. He is crying and said to me 'dad? I have something I need to tell you.' So I said 'ok, buddy. What is it?'. His response was 'I don't love you anymore and I don't want you to be my dad anymore.'. I'm not sure that there are words to describe how I felt at that moment but my entire body went numb. I asked him 'what's the matter, buddy? Is there something I can do for you?' It was at this point that I heard a whispering in the background like another voice. There was a pause and he said 'No mommy!' at which point I heard his mother's voice in a whisper but I could tell from the tone how she said what she did because I had seen her do it before. As through gritted teeth and a snarl she said my son's name and added 'Say it!' At this point the line went dead because it had been hung up. I was sitting there not sure how to digest what I had just heard when the phone rang again. This time it was my ex and when I answered she said 'what did you just say to him? He is hysterical, you bastard!' I replied with 'As if I couldn't hear you on the other side of him telling him what to say!' I got no response to this other than the phone being slammed down. Events such as this were a weekly and almost daily occurrence in the first months following the separation. I could write volumns from the journal that I kept and the original word document is more than 30 pages detailing everything from these types things with my children to actions taken by my ex and her family against me and mine all the way to the troubles with lawyers over it all. I will share one last event before I end this writing. My ex was very fond of therapists and counselors. Shortly after our separation she started taking the kids to see a divorce related counselor for children. My impression was they would sit in sessions with her and tell her all of the things they were seeing and hearing during the process. At one point after a couple months she asked to see me and I agreed. We had an hour discussion of things and at one point the topic of Vicky came up. The counselor had not realized that the speech therapist that my son was seeing was also the Vicky that was living with them and talking with them daily about me. She was concerned that there was a professional relationship that might be being used to influence his personal relationship with me. There were also several points that were brought up as comments from my children that when she heard my version and the fact that I was not allowed a word in edgewise with them on all of this that she became concerned and meant to address some things with their mother. The session ended and I left with the distinct impression that she was realizing there was something going on in that house and with those children. It was less than a week later that I learned that my ex was calling that counselor a quack and wanted her no where near 'her' children. So that was the end of that. It was also shortly after that that Vicky 'resigned' from her position with the district and went to find employment elsewhere. Coincidence? I think not.
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My Story : I have been trying to divorce my husband for over three years now. The court has yet to issue me a decree of divorce. Our three children have been living in two different residences. Even though the court ordered counseling for our children with a counselor that deals with "high conflict divorces", this has not been done. Our children blame me for the divorce and complain constantly about me not having enough money for things. My oldest son would tell me to get a better job that paid more. I know these words are many others are not his words. He is often angry towards me. It takes the children anywhere for one to three days to adjust every week. Even though the court is aware of this, nothing is done. My husband finally set up counseling(after my attempts he stopped)prior to our divorce trial with a counselor from the list of providers on his health insurance. The counselor was not a counselor that deals with "high conflict" divorces yet this seems to be acceptable to the court. I feel stuck when I believe I have tried so many ways of protecting the children by making sure there is someone to hear them. The respondent believes that the children are fine. The custody evaluator that we had, used to work for the same place that my husband currently works for. In the custody evaluations we argued about the definition of domestic violence. The custody evaluator did not acknowledge it in our marriage. The respondent was given a "lie detector" sort of test and passed. His background has given him an advantage in the court proceedings. I believe that if the judge was given the truth in this matter at least it would be made known for the benefit of our children. For now, all the court knows is false allegations from the respondent that have been accepted as truth.This man has written a suicide letter, is a sex addict (several affairs long time various people) and the court gives him sole custody for two years. It does not make sense. The court obviously believed the lies he said about me. I have nothing to hide. I will confront this in court or with anyone anytime. I am a very open person and desire to see justice made know in our Arizona courts. With my oldest son (10)I see patterns of "silent treatment", "angry outbursts" and words of "munipulation" continuing to have an effect on our children. Their father has directed them to not answer "any" questions, I ask. I ask how was your week, and my son will freak out and say accusatorily "Why do you ask so many questions?" His body language is antagonistic and there are tears in his eyes. I ask him why he is reacting this way and he crys with frustration. I do not ask questions about my husband's life. I only want to communicate on how their week went.I call once daily when they are at their fathers. It usually feels like they are busy and do not want to talk. I am accepting some things that I know I have to adjust to. Yet, when I sometimes get reactions that do not fit, I get extremely concerned. I truly want to raise the children in a manner that will allow them to have good relationships with both their father and me. I have become aware of making sure that when I am "venting" to someone on the phone that I do it in the privacy of a shut door and when the children are not around. It gets frustrating when the children have bizarre behaviors that do not make sense. I do not want to spectulate on the reasons but only hope to be the best parent I can be when the children are with me. The court has made decisions I do agree with.I can hope and pray the children will not develop their father's addictions. I will prepare myself for many years of dealing with a man who I have no respect for his continuous munipulations being heaped on me and our three children. God have mercy on us all.
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My Story : I have been following PAS and now HAP (more appropriate in my case I think) for many years. The point I would like to make is that of contact - 50:50 is a bad idea if either parent is hostile towards the other. My partner and I did not marry and our child was not welcomed by my partner. We separated (without discussion at his instigation) when our child was 4 years. Because we did not marry there was no court arrangement and financial counselling and parenting counselling went on for many years at my instigation with little result. My ex partner's hostility towards me became extremely emotionally abusive. Despite this I had given my child his father's surname and named him for one of his father's parents. I was anxious that my child develop a relationship with his father. Too anxious. Although I tried to keep my ex partner's abuse within my own life I became very depressed and over protective of my child. I doubted my ability to mother. I insisted that all arrangements with my ex partner were adhered to, even in the face of my child's misery. Over the years my ex partner's abuse towards me expanded to include all his friends and family and he attempted to alienate my friends too. I definitely felt that he wanted to kill me in some way. I know that sounds dramatic but I was definitely the focus and he wanted to eradicate me. My child attempted suicide at 13 years and when leaving hospital insisted on living with his father. the hospital consultants insisted that I allow this to happen. I felt that the conflict could not continue and if there could be no rapprt/reasonable co parenting with my ex partner then I must step back for my son's sake. After a year my son stopped coming to see me or communicate with me. I maintain contact through text messages and occasionally he will answer his mobile phone (I have not been allowed to have his landline number since his father remarried and moved into his wife's house. His wife is extremely hostile towards me and for years I could not have any conversation with my ex partner without her constant screaming interruptions.) Nevertheless my son and I somehow managed to have a wonderful 10 day holiday together last year but in a way my son has put even more distance between us since our return. Now I have cancer and his father is now anxious that our son communicate with me and is frustrated by our son's insistence that he will not communicate with me. My ex partner blames me for this. I have now visited my son twice at his father's house because I am anxious that my son deal realistically and optimistically with my illness. I visit when I am able to take friends with me for protection. While they deal with my ex partner I am able to visit my son in his room (he is very isolated and does not leave his room apart from going to school - which he now does regularly). My son is very affectionate towards me - to my relief - but his anxiety an confusion is still there to see. The point of my long explanation is that I regret trying so hard to maintain my child's relationship with his father. Looking back I believe that it allowed my ex partner access to control me which I believe allowed him to try to destroy me without thought for our child's wellbeing. I believe I should have kept my child safe with me and allowed contact only when my child began to ask for it. In this way I believe I could have allowed my child to have some kind of virtual relationship with his father (I didn't criticise his father to him) and pick it up when my child was ready. Maintaining 50:50 access is definitely not right for the child, only for the non custodial parent's satisfaction and that person's own feelings should not be acceded to so quickly. Mediation is a better way to go than the courts but there are many counsellors and mediators who have their own issues and beliefs and who are too interested in achieving some kind of interparental rapport rather than look at a settling down and stabilising period for the child. Alternate weekends and holidays are fine and only if the child is happy to do that. I believe that the custodial parent alone should be supported to encourage the child to think positively about the non residential parent but not pushed. As the child grows older school nights are very disruptive to their routine and until the child is old enough - say 14 or 15 years - to volutarily want to spend more time with the non custodial parent the alternate weekend access has to be a better way. My ex partner of course complained and complained to our son about the unfairness of his 40:60 access (7 days a week are not divisible evenly) and in the end our son found this unbearable.
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Name : A Grieving Dad's Letter
My Story : May 27, 2006 Dear Alyssa & Krista, I have wanted and needed to write this letter for a very long time. It has been really hard bringing my thoughts together in just the perfect way so that you two may come to understand what has brought us to this point. During your younger years I avoided discussing some important things with you because it was not something children should be burdened with. Now that you are older, I think it is time. The sadness I have felt from being apart from you over the years has been hard to endure. A day has not passed when my chest hasn't swelled and my heart felt heavy. Oftentimes I will think of you by hearing a song, seeing a movie clip, overhearing a conversation or watching other fathers with their daughters. For those moments the heartache can overwhelm and cripple me. Knowing that the two people I love and care for more than anything, may not understand and know how deeply I feel for them. While we've been apart I can only hope that you might have been missing me too. That is all I can do, is hope. You are my girls and everyday of my life I hold you near. You may question how I could love you both so much, but never see or talk to you. I've had to make some very tough decisions over the years. "What is best for the girls? What is the best way to go about this? What will be less stressful for them?" These are some of the questions I often asked myself. Usually, people at odds work together towards a compromise. In this case, no matter how much I encouraged cooperation for the best interests of you, our children, your mother was set on separating me from my daughters and you from your father. As much pain and disappointment this has caused me, I believe that you two have hurt a lot also. I know very well the difficult circumstances you have lived with over the years. The stress and discomfort you must have felt at times was not fair, not for any child. With hopes that some of your home life stresses would be lifted, I made an extremely hard decision and stepped back. In the past, during my many calls to you, I could hear and feel the hesitation in your voices. I would always tell myself, "It's not me they are reacting to. It's the pressure they are getting." I could feel you being torn. Your mother would repeatedly say to me. "The girls want me to tell you that they don't want to talk to you anymore." I was crushed and refused to believe that was true. Your mom would reply, "Do you want them to tell you directly? I'll get them." There was no way I was going to have you speak those words to me and no way I was going to listen to you say them. No one should be put into such a dilemma, let alone a mother doing this to her children. Being in a situation where you would have to choose between parents is something I would never have wanted for you. So I stepped away. That is the only way I could protect the two of you from more emotional pain. My love for you has always been unconditional. I've never "dangled a carrot" for your love or scorned you into thinking you won't get my love and acceptance if you don't do what I want. I've never wanted to be your "friend," I just wanted to be your father. I hope you can remember some of the fun times we have shared... going to the San Diego Zoo, The Children's Museum, swimming in the backyard, playing the drums, camping, fishing, miniature golf, The Family Fun Center (arcade), and visits to Indiana. And I can't forget our trip to The Big Apple, New York City. Do you remember as I do that when the three of us were together, we were at ease and happy, a warm and loving family? I sure do, and I keep those memories close to my heart. I can only hope for now that there will be more wonderful times for us to share. I know you have the impression I haven't supported you financially. When your Aunt Shawn saw you last summer, Alyssa, she said you mentioned this. I hope you will believe me when I say that is absolutely not true. I have enclosed child support receipts as confirmation. Your mother receives nearly $12,000 a year from me. The money I send is for the two of you only, the daughters whose welfare I truly care about even though we're apart. The amount I send is roughly 20 hours a week of work. Maybe now you can understand why I have lived with housemates in less than comfortable situations. I have a responsibility to make sure you are provided for and I take it very seriously. I have a clear conscience knowing I put your needs before my own, which has been a comfort for me when times are tough. Every birthday and Christmas (and when you were younger the festive holidays like Halloween, Valentines') I have sent gifts. In recent years I've sent flowers. I know many things from us have been returned over the years. I have sent gifts and flowers to the church you were attending in care of Pastor Linnemann as well as to your school. (Do you remember receiving among other things, the many gift certificates?) It has been hurtful and disappointing through the years that your mom has not encouraged the two of you to recognize me as your father, whether it be with letters, school pictures, report cards, art work or allowing your visits. Mostly she would only make contact with me when requesting more money. I want to make it very clear that neither of you are at fault for this. As children you could not be expected to do the things that would keep you connected to me, your father. Now, Alyssa, you are graduating from high school. Time has gone by too quickly. I clearly remember your first day of kindergarten. It was very exciting and I was very proud. But events of that day were also an omen of what was to come. I later learned that your mother had enrolled you in school under the assumed name of her then boyfriend, Tim. I was devastated and contested it at court. But ultimately your mom learned how to gain control of most every situation, especially when it came to my relationship with the two of you. Many, many times I have had to defend myself against her cruel allegations. Undoubtedly you and Krista have been told some untruthful things about me. I can only hope and pray that you know in your heart that I am a decent man. Most of all I have missed the joys and rewards of being your dad and just getting to be a parent. I would have loved to see you playing sports, helping you with homework and learning to drive, and seeing you off to your proms. Your Grandma and Grandpa have missed being doting, bragging grandparents. Lori and Shawn have missed spoiling their nieces. Your grandparents and aunts have felt the same pain as I have and they love and care for you very much. You two are the last generation to our proud family. And just as we have missed out, so have you two. You have been denied knowing your grandparents, great grandmothers, your aunts, great aunts and uncles, your second cousins, and attending family reunions and holiday gatherings. As we are your family, we will be here for you whenever needed. We have a responsibility to help guide you though life. As you grow older I hope you will come to understand the importance of family. And more than anything, we have been denied a real father-daughter relationship. There are so many things that you don't know about me and I don't know about you. I will always be your father your whole life and you will always be my daughters. I've always wanted to help prepare, teach and assist you for what lies in your futures. And to instill in you the value of character. of being honest, kind, moral, compassionate. Guiding you two has been something I have really missed. One thing that has kept me strong is that I've always reminded myself, "There are more years after eighteen than before." I can only hope that we'll be able to share times to come, given there is so much to talk about and learn from each other. Alyssa and Krista, I know that some of the truths I have written in this letter might be hard to accept. There is so much that you don't know and may not understand. I have chosen to remain quiet over the years so as to not burden you with such matters or "poison" you against your mother. You may recall my telling you when you were young that without your mother I wouldn't have been blessed with the two of you. My interest is in one day restoring my relationship with you, my daughters, not destroying your relationship with mother. The day I see the two of you again cannot come quickly enough for me. I Love You, Miss You, And Think Of You Everyday, Your Dad This legacy letter, written May 2006, has yet to be received by the daughters. There exact whereabouts remain unknown. Dad and daughters last together August 2001.
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My Story : Hi, I did not know that this program was out there- It is a great idea.... My story- well, to start I have two wonderful boys, ages 12 and 7. when they were 7 and 2 their father and I divorced. Shortly afterward, he remarried and moved several states away. We agreed to keep our family out of the courts and wrote out a visitation schedule where the boys would school with him and visit me 5-6 times a year. After the first visit, which was Christmas I recieved a letter on 1-18 stating they were moving out of the country on 01-20. This started a year long panic of trying to see my children. I had no number for a long time, and only recieved sporadic calls and letters from the father. One such letter asked me to allow the new wife to adopt them, and on mother's day I got a card that said "you were a good mother, but we have a new mother now", etc. Finally with the help of a Senator, we were able to bring the children home for a visit (again Christmas) and settled with the attorneys another arrangement. He continued to harrass me with e-mails stating I had drugs, and mental illnesses. He refused visitations, taped all calls, refused calls unless they were on a specific day, spoke down about me and my new family to the children, and convinced my youngest that I actually was NOT his mother. He refused to tell me when they moved, what shool they were going to, etc. This continued for 5 years before the courts finally had enough, as did my oldest child who developed anger over the way his father has forced himself on our relationship. I now gained custodial custody of my children, and we share joint parenting. 8 Months later he has filed a contempt charge against me, in continued harrassment fashion. He has refused to call his children, refused to discuss any of the issues about the children, demands expensive private schooling and medical testing without warrant, yet does not provide any financial support (he has delayed the final child support order, by dragging it in court), any letters to the boys include "your brothers are enjoying your room" or " they just started this new karate class" or " the family is praying for your situation". And he even attempts guilt on the children saying things like, "you broke our family", "the family is very disappointed in you", " I guess you got what you wanted..." I just hope that he gets the help he so desperately needs.
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My Story : one afternoon I went to pick up my 6 yr old boy from his home,he was sick (chicken pocs)& was not at school. My contact time for that day was 3pm to 7pm, I got to the door & no one was home, I call the house,& the mobile phone with no answer but left a message. I wait for an hour & left. I then My son's grandmother's number, she said " they just had left her house". I drove back to the house & her husband answered the door(he had helped me before) my son's mother came and asked what I wanted. I had to explain it was my cotact time(I had thought of leave home if he was to ill but want to see him). she said "NO" & started yelling how a bad father I was. that did upset me, but I calm & said,"it's getting late to take him so I just want to see him". "NO" again followed by yelling & the bad father story. the hushand tried to calm her but then she PUSHED ME DOWN the STAIRS lucky I grabed the door jam & landed two steps down, she then went to slam the door on my fingers, yelling "get out", I step my foot between the door & fingers. the husband tring to control said "you better go". I said, "this is my time with my son, I just want to see him. THE DOOR THEM SWUNG ONTO MY FINGERS & the door was closed. I knock & I knock. So I call the house from the front yard, heard it ring, no one picked up, tried two more times, the final time she answered I'm calling the police. I ask for at less to put my son on the phone, she hung up the phone. I the thought the Police was a good idea & called them(she didn't call them at all), two hours later police came. I explain my story & told to stay next door. the officers came back & said the child was too upset & even with the help of her husband did not want to come out. I was then told by the "domestic Violence" section that It would be hard for me as a man to press charges on her as I was told "MAY NOT GO TO COURT". But if a man did this to a woman I would be in jail without and questions. thank for reading this Ross going for shared parenting to even out the power play that exist now.
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My Story : My story began 4 years ago when I lost my now 8 year old daughter. I went to court because her father was drinking and driving with my daughter and was doing sexual stuff with her. my lawyer at that time put in a motion for my ex to lose more visitation and what happened in court was I lost my custody rights to my daughter. My ex was saying that I was abusing my daughter and that was not the case. He kept bringing her to daycare saying to the daycare lady. Tell her how your mother is abusing you and it wasnt true. when I brought that motion in court dss was there also. I went into court and I guess she told dss that I was abusing her. I stood in front of the Judge and tears were coming down my face the judge is asking me where i go to therapy and I said rape counselor the judge said thats not good enough. I said to the Judge I want to move out of this country cause i knew if he got custody I wouldnt be able to see her. The father would never let me see my dauther. and I was right. The father took my daughter out of daycare and brought her to florida. the next time I went to court which was 4 months later when i got to see her he set it up that I would see my daughter at a visitation place that I had to pay for. See I wouldnt mind but this is a man that has a 5 page criminal record that abused me. He mentally would keep me up at night yelling at me and when I tried to go to work he would harass me there. by calling all the time. I was physically abused by him and mentally. I left him with my daughter in the middle of the night. I thought he would never gain custody because of his record but I was wrong. When I was fighting for custody of my daughter. He was putting nails in my tires and he also stole my car trying whatever he can to get me finacially. He also had his lawyer follow me around in court and at the garage where I parked. The father would wait for me to park and park beside me. He kept calling my work and hanging up all the time. I had to tell my boss because the calls where coming in one after the other. See this man wanted to kill me and I was scared to fight because he said he would come after me. I was scared and I didnt know how to fight for my daughter. He also killed my dog. He had deposed everyone of my family members to keep me broke. I have 5 sisters. I am now still trying to see my daughter. The last time I spoke to him he said. Get a parent cordinator I am not going to let u see her and stop calling me. He is breaking a court order cause I am suppose to see her on tues and thursday. and I cant. I can see her every other Saturday though. thats when he will let me see her. thanks for reading this. the abuse still continues but now he puts my daughter in the middle of it. when we are told to leave the abuser and u do this is what happens I guess. Now I wish I never had left him. I am so broke I have had two operations the loss of my job and I am suppose to pay him child support. where is the justice?
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