Parental Alienation
Awareness Organization

My Story : I am divorced, for awhile my husband was really negligent to our son, and hated me. He ignored him for almost 5 years because of his involvement with dating and partying. My week ends consisted of my sons friends spending every weekend, paint ball wars, sloppy joes, pop and scary movies. Our son was 8 years old when his father and I divorced, it was a bad divorce. My husband was very bitter and spiteful in a lot of ways. I put my son in archery, and gun sports and took him and 5 of his friends to the hunter safety courses, twice (to make sure they remembered everything). His father was, and still is an avid hunter and I knew if our son did the things his father liked to do, his dad might want a relationship with our son. When my son was fourteen he shot a nice 9 point buck on our property. That was the beginning of a great relationship with his father. It was the day before Thanksgiving, I came home from work early because my son suggested he was going hunting that day after school, I wanted to be home in case of an emergency or a touch of good luck. I sat at the dining room table with the doorwall slightly opened and sewed charity blankets. About 45 minutes into my sons hunting, I heard a shot, then another one. My heart was beating really fast, but I stayed seated until he came in the house. I will never forget my sons face that day. He was pale as a ghost. He stated to me he shot a deer. I asked him if it was dead, he said he thought so. I asked him if the eyes were opened or closed. He got a little angry with me and said he didn't know. I put my coat and boots on and we went to my 4 wheel to go to the back of the property. On the way off the porch, my son picked up the rug lying outside the door. I never questioned him, I figured I would find out soon. When we drove to the back of the property, I saw a big, nice buck lying near my son's blind. My son had never shot anything before, it was an emotional feeling for him, it started raining, I didn't really know if there were tears running down his face or rain drops. I explained to him hunting was not bad if the intentions were for food on the table. I told him to kill something just to be mean, was bad. I asked my son if he wanted to clean the deer, or if he wanted me to. His words, and I will never forget the pain in my heart, I knew the time would come when everything that I had done for him would benefit him and his dad. But I knew this was for my son and the sacrifices I made would be beneficial to him as he grew up. Anyway, his words were, and I will quote his words, because I will never forget them, "Mom, I want to call dad." I said ok, and we headed back to my blazer. By the way, he used the rug to cover the deer, I didn't ask him why, I had a feeling it was because he had mixed emotions about killing an animal. We got back to the house, he paged his dad. His dad called back within a few minutes. My son said, "Dad, I shot a nine point buck." He talked really calm, I could hear his dad on the phone excited and told our son he would be right over. His dad was here within 15 minutes. He came to the door and hugged our son and said "Let's go get it." Quietly I told his dad that our son (not mentioning names, I'm not sure my son would appreciate me telling this story. He's 23 now and just finished the police academy.) had mixed emotions on killing this animal and he should discuss with him the difference of murdering an animal and hunting. I went to the back with them and listened to his father talk like a real dad should. I was crying, I was glad it was raining because they never knew. I knew this was the day all of my efferts to make a relationship between the two of them had worked, now I was the one out of the picture. In which is ok, because my son needed both parents even though we were not married any longer. From then on, my son and his father, every hunting season packed up and headed north, or the both of them hunted on my property. After hunting, if it was at my house on the week end, his dad had dinner with us before he left. Granted, I had to keep my mouth tight a few times because his dad was still angry about the divorce, but when my son was not around, I explained to his dad his disrespect and insults would not be tolerated in my home or in front of our son. I told him he was only hurting our son because he was made of two people, not just one, to disrespect me would be to disrespect the part of me in our son. He has got better over the years, as long as he still can hunt here. LOL.

My Story : My custody battle started 9 1/2 years ago. At first I had the children and I allowed him to have the children whenever he wanted them. Due to becoming homeless I asked him to take the children for 6 months so I could get on my feet. That was 9 1/2 years ago. My visitation is certain set hours and no overnights. He has told the courts that I have threatened to kidnap my children, that I discuss sex with them and other inappropriate behavior. Now, for visitation, I have to travel to that state, paying for gas, hotel, food, and entertainment. I make maybe minimum wage. I also have to pay my child support, any extra photos past the school pics (which I have not received since 2 years ago), phone calls (which he has recorded). I have not seen my children because I can't afford to take time off from work to travel and see them. If I take the time off then a bill doesn't get paid and his child support is shorted. He has told my children that I am a bitch, a whore, and that I am going to hell. My oldest daughter told me that he told her that I abused her. My phone calls (if I'm lucky) are limited to 45 minutes and he listens in on them. He has had me followed when I've been able to visit. He takes down my license plate number, the name and room number of the hotel I'm staying at. If the children and I are there he repeatedly calls.

My Story : On July 13th 1993 my son was born. That was the best day of my life, I was a new father of a perfect little boy. All was so positive up until he was 5 years of age and the PAS started. Our marriage went sour due to my little boys illness called Cystic Fribrosis CF. We knew he was born with it and both parents have to be carriers of the ressesive gene for the child to be born with CF. Medical bills in the thousands of dollars created a hardship on our relationship and soon we were divorced. I filed bankruptcy and had no money to even survive my life it seemed. My ex-wife filed a garnishment on my minimum wage job the day the divorce was final not even allowing me the chance to make an attempt to pay my support. This entire ordeal has been going on for almost 10 years starting in 1997. I really am amazed that I am alive and walking today as I write my story over and over again. I have written so many different agencey's I can't remember who is who. My ex-wife met someone else and married again in 2000. In the State of Wyoming at that time there was a law in place that reads if your more then 60% behind in support that the state can perform a forced adoption if the support owed is not current within 90 days. I had no credit or resources to borrow money so I couldn't come up with that kind of money in 90 days. The ex-wife hired and attorney and she had a plan. The plan was to put enough presure on me that I would give my rights up. From the date of our seperation to the time the divorce was final up until March of 2002 the ex-wife would not let me see or speak to my son. I gave her 48 hours upon 48 hours notice for my visitation. In the divorce written on a legal court document I was to have rotating weekends and holidays and 8 weeks in the summer. I complied with the divorce requirments for my visitation. I would call her and she would not answer the phone. On one occation I called the Police and told them she was withholding my visitation and requested them to meet me at her home. I had my court document in hand that showed my visitation which I presented to the Police Officer. His reply was "This isn't worth the paper it's written on and told me I need to go in front of the judge" I ask him are you kidding? It says in black and white what my visitation rights were. I kept trying and trying to make every attempt to see my son, but everything I did she put road blocks up. She had caller ID and wouldn't answer the phone and when she did she told me that they had plans for the weekend I was to have my son or that my son didn't want to see me. At one point she recommended that I give my rights up and all this would go away and I wouldn't have to pay support. I told her no way and I would try and pay what I could. It got to the point on another occation I had called and she told me I could see my son if I gave her money. She also told my son that he could see his dad if I paid my support. I recorded all my phone calls and conversation in an attempt to get visitation so I would have some proof that I made every attempt possiable to see my son. The last time I was with my son was on October 15th 1999. My ex-wife needed to run around and take care of things and she couldn't get a babysitter. I guess I was the lucky guy that day and she called the school and let me sign him out for the day and I took him fishing all day. We laughed, smiled, and life was very good that day. I knew my son still loved his dad because he told me and called me daddy.Upon returning my son home that evening I was met at her front door by to adult males glaring at me through the screen door. I didn't but a year later I had found out that my ex-wife had called the Police and filed a custodial interferance complaint on me. She claimed I had kidnapped my son because we were 15 minutes coming back because I stopped and got him a happy meal at McDonalds.Before I left that day I gave her a contact number to where we would be, she never called and on the way into town I called her and told her my son and I would be a little late. She never mentioned a word about her concern and the Police complaint. My ex-wife mother told her that she should not let my son go with me again, that next time I would not reurn and run off with my son. Apparently PAS and HAS runs in that family. I had decided to move to a different state and try to improve my life and support my son. I still tried and tried to contact and make arrangments to see my son. As in the past all attempts failed. I had met someone new and had called my ex-wife again to ask for a summer visit. Her reply was she would not let my son be around a women she didn't know. I couldn't stand the feelings in my gut every morning upon awakening so I moved back to Wyoming with this positivness about me that I was determined no matter what to make this work this time and have my son in my life. It was worse then the last two previous times I was cut off from my son. Would you beleive she went as far as contacting my sons school principle and requesting that I have no contact with my son. He was 6 years old now and in the 4 or 5 grade. I have never done anything to harm my son or his mother, I had no restraining order and I was still his father. I went to the school one day and checked in with the office and explained I was my sons father, presented my drivers license and the lady at the front counter said no problem and asked if I would just wait there. Five minutes later here come the School principle and he explained that my ex-wife had a hand written note in my sons school file that I was not to see him and if I showed up the Principle was to call her at work. That was very easy because you see my ex-wife was a school teacher working in the same school district as the principle. I was asked to leave. So I did without causing any problems. This went on and on. I then received a letter written by her attorney stating that if I attempted to show up and see my son that I would be arrested for tresspass,stalking, and harrassment. I did nothing wrong! I did not break any laws. I then received a letter about four months later from her attorney telling me that my ex-wife and her new husband intended to adopt my son and change his name with or without my consent due to the law inplace at that time regarding back support. The attorney also indicated that I should take his deal now because it would be less more favorable for me in the future if I didn't. WOW! if this isn't PAS & HAS I don't know what is. From 1997 until March of 2002 I fought and fought for my rights as a father. I had no idea what my rights were. I was threatend with jail time, and forced adoption. I had scraped up $300.00 for what would be my last attempt to defend myself as a father to hire an attorney one last time. What would you think would happen? I didn't have a minimun of $2000.00 to take her to court for contempt. My attorney advised me I would be better off by taking their offer and possibly seeing my son when he became an adult. I signed a termination of parental rights and adoption. I still wish I knew then what I know now. MY RIGHTS! Since then my ex-wife tried to cut all contact off between my parents and my son. They filed suite in district court and my ex-wife settled out of court and my parents are able to speak to my son TWICE WEEK. The only problem with that is my ex-wife has brain washed my son and has turned him against them. He is 12 today and refuses to speak to them telling them he was just fine without them and things were better before they started calling and to just leave him alone. As long as I have known I don't know a 12 year old any where with that type of pre-suggested comments. There have been other occation when my parents would call where they could hear someone WHISPERING in the background telling my son what to say. Right now as I speak the court ordered agreement between my parents and my ex-wife is in complete violation. In the agreement it states that the parents will assist in the development of the grandparent child relationship and PARENTS will refrain from any further parental alienation. Here we see what appears to be a professional person, (my ex-wife)who teaches and instructs our young children in becoming successful adults. My question is this person is responsiable for 12-14 students in a classroom setting, but she neglects and abuses her own child, my son. I am sickend by this and my intent with all my writtings is to exspose PAS and HAS and to validate that this is mental abuse. PAS and HAS should be delt with no different then physical abuse. This should not be allowed to continue. Why don't these professionals see the damage this is doing to our children? If it takes writing a million letters explaining my expereince then this is what I will do. I intend to write a book about my trials and tribulation with PAS and HAS. Please don't do what I did and think you don't have rights, because you do. Look into every corner and gather all the imformation you can and most importantly never be intemidated by others. Thank You

I have not seen my daughter for over 12 years because of parental

alienation.  I feel so very deeply for those that have suffered from this,

and most especially for those veterans who came back from combat

with a PTSD diagnosis and the mother of these children turned them

against him.  I have been there, and although I never harmed my children

they were kept from me and the law did little about it.  They did make sure

that I paid my child support though, and if I didn't see my kids, they really

didn't care.

 

My Story : As a 55 year old divorced father, I have not seen or spoke to my children for 7 years due to PAS and our dysfunctional judicial system. I spend plenty of my funds trying to fight the system, until I became ill and could no longer take the strain or afford the lawyers and courts. So I just pay whatever they tell me to and go on with my life not knowing my children. This hurts terribly; I lost, but the big losers are the children. Into the broader spectrum in this is the affect on the entire society of this country due to less and less father/family involvement. My story is quite a nightmare, but this is condensed to highlight the gist of your plight. Thank you.

My Story : My two grandsons, their mother and my son (their father) lived with my husband and I, for 2 years. The mother stayed in her room when my son was at work, and I cared for the children. My son was not the best boyfriend, but he was a very loving and caring father. A little over a year ago, my husband and I moved to Tennessee. With the assumption that we would talk to the boys often and visit and write to each other. About a month after we moved, the mother took the boys and moved to her mother's. From that point on, her family was calling the shots. She was granted an order of protection, to "protect" the boys from their father. Since then, he has spent a total of 2 hours with them, under supervision. He was scolded for "hugging and crying" in the boys' presence, and the visits were discontinued. He called to try to find out if his boys were okay. For his trouble he spent 5 days in Lake County Jail. And has 4 charges of "invasion of privacy" for calling. He has to pay money that we don't have for a lawyer, because Legal Aid told him they didn't have the resources to help him to get visitation and parenting time. And my family and I aren't allowed to even speak to the children on the phone. My son is now living in Kansas with his new girlfriend, trying to move on with his life with the hope that once the children have a say in what happens to them, they will get to have contact with their father. He is not even allowed to speak to them on their birthdays, Christmas or other holidays. I have been told by the mother's aunt that they are allowing the boys to have the letters I have been sending. But I make sure not to mention their father in the letters. We have to be very careful not to make her mad. My son wrote a letter to them just after Christmas, and the mother called the police. Now he has another "invasion of privacy" charge to deal with. When does it end?! The boys are growing up without their father. Or grandparents. The mother's father distanced himself from the family when she was a child, and the mother's mother passed away last June. So myself and my husband are the only grandparents they have.I truly believe the boys are being abused by not allowing us to at least talk to them on the phone. I mean, REALLY!! What would it hurt?

My Story : JUST ANOTHER TRAGEDY IN NEW HAMPSHIRE What a tragedy both for me and my son. I am an exceptional father who enjoys children greatly, but because of the event of a divorce taking place in New Hampshire, I was relegated to becoming an every other weekend visitation Dad. Now, I have no idea of what either I or my son did that would have caused the court of this state for all intents and purposes to so severely diminish the time we can spend together. It is very difficult to be a good father as well as instrumental in a child's development when you become an every other weekend Dad. The lunacy of this concept is beyond me. What gives the State of New Hampshire the right to curtail my constitutional rights to nurture my child as I see fit? The estrangement that the state created is everlasting and irreparable. It is impossible to share a childhood of experiences with your child every other weekend. I ask you, does this appear to be "in the best interest of the child"? My son doesn't think so, nor do I, but this is the sentence a good father is cast for being divorced in the State of New Hampshire. The state can never replace all the lost pleasures and experiences shared between a father and son throughout his childhood and adolescent years. Who gave the state this great power? Certainly not I as a citizen nor my son. We are just two of thousands of victims the state has perpetuated this judicial hedonistic concept. It is my fervent hope, the state will come to its senses and not continue to impede my constitutional right to parent my son.

My Story : I was married for 20 years to a brutal , vindictive woman with severe personality disorders along with an eight - year addiction to cocaine . This union produced four wonderful children ages 16, 19 , 21, and 23. I stayed in this destructive marriage as I had mistakenly thought that giving her children would make her happy-and to stabilize their environment as her illnesses unfolded. During the latter years of the marriage , she often complained bitterly about the kids, yearning openly how she could'nt wait for them to grow up and leave .I could not and still cannot understand that. When she tossed me out of the home for failing to fall into her latest venture- that of affiliation with cult-like , self-proclaimed hyper-Christians , she recognized the monetary value of the kids as such almost immediately. She was unable to manipulate or frighten the elder three kids, whom left her shortly after I was thrown out. However , she has been able to overwhelm my impressionable 16 year old son whom has been subjected to her trap since the inept GAL assigned her as primary parent . He did this in spite of his absolute downward spin ; failing and repeating the ninth grade , frequent pot smoking ,beer - drinking and loss of interest in many activities ; he has also been arrested for a felony act of vandalism all on her watch .This is meaningless to the courts or the fraudulent GAL. Weekends and two to three nights a week with him had been the norm , until she told him / coerced him in to coming to my home less and less to the point that I only see or hear from him when he is in trouble with the law or needs gas money . She was explicit with my oldest boy- whom , after he fled her home and moved in with me had told me that his Mother was upset because , in her words, " I'll get less money now." I coached my kids while she would berate me for attending to them consistently.My devotion to them violated her narcissistic attitudes while we were married . They flourished because of me while she was off spending time making clay drums in the woods with man-hating women's groups.They aspired to be the best young adults that they have become because of me - all the while she was either attending to her Mother's helplessness or some religious function , or while she was high on cocaine somewhere. Now she's Mother of the Year, and I've been relegated to the status of an uncle to my son. This is only a snapshot of the hell that I am in. I miss my son , and have to be so very careful not to upset her about wanting him to be closer to me because she'll make his life so much more difficult . I asked my son about a year ago how he was getting along with his Mother , and he replied," I dunno..I don't know how I will be able to handle her mood-swings." The GAL made 2000 dollars to assign my vulnerable boy to a psycho . I am a retired Police Officer and now a full-time college professor . Everything here as stated is true and I have no recourse other than to call my boy everyday to tell him how much I love him and cry myself to sleep as I watch him transformed from my son to a meal-ticket for a terrible person.

My Story : There are two sides to every story and I do not claim to be without fault in the failure of my marriage to my children's mother. Regardless of fault or which side someone might have been on they cannot say honestly that I was a bad father or that I deserved to lose the three people that meant more to me than all else on this Earth. Those people are my daughter and two sons. I was married to my first wife for 18 years before our separation. Over the years of that marriage there were many threats of divorce, financial ruin and the loss of my children but I always attributed the later two to the heat of the moment. The former just seemed inevitable due to two people that married at such a young age despite the advice of our parents and friends. We made unwise decisions financially and gave no thought for the future beyond the next paycheck. There were daily fights and one family being pitted against another. Generally a very rocky 18 years. The argument could be made of 'why did you have children then?' but we were married and part of a marriage in our minds was producing children, a legacy for each of our families. So we did. I have no doubt that we both loved them. We just had different ways of showing it and while the children grew we still did not seem to much care for each other and as was stated often 'if it weren't for the children.' we would and probably should have gone our separate ways. Unfortunately for me, once we finally decided on that course of action she also in her mind decided that this meant I was no longer to be a father. More than once in the later years she made comments such as 'I will do everything in my power to make them not want anything to do with you' and 'Over my dead body will I have to share them with you or your family on holidays'. Red lights should have been flashing here but as someone that could never think of doing that to her I just could no fathom having it actually done to me. In the year that we separated we agreed to wait until the end of the school year so that once we told the children they would not have to deal with this news and still go to school. Well the day came and I arrived home that evening after work to have 'our' sit down with the children. When I walked in the door I was met with very hysterical 9, 11 and 17 year olds. And as I learned during the next hour or so, she had told them before I arrived. To this day I do not know exactly what she said but judging from their reaction it was not just 'your father and I are going to live apart for a while' as we had agreed when we discussed the time and date of this family meeting. I will never forget to my dying breath, as I was sitting there trying to reign in the hysterics of my children the look on their mother's face. It gives me chills and angers me all at the same time each time I remember it. It was an 'I told you so' sort of narrow eyed tight lipped smirk that should of told me all I needed to know about the next few years of hate that I was in store for. Once it became apparent that I was not going to get a word in edgewise with any of them and they had all gone to their rooms and locked me out I decided it was time to leave. As I was walking down the drive to my truck and she was standing at the door smirking I turned and said 'what you did in there was just wrong and you know it.' With a smile she closed the door. Over the next few months I learned just exactly what she was capable of and that what I had experienced that day was just the beginning. I received letters from members of her family railing at me for things like having large savings accounts with tens of thousands of dollars that I was hiding and trying to kick her and the kids out of the house. I heard rumors of things like I was sleeping with numerous women or that I was gay. And the attacks weren't just limited to me but they also effected my family in a town over 300 miles away. She was busy spreading rumors and lies in an attempt to make anyone she could turn on me and think negatively of me and my family. She called mutual friends we met while I was in the military and told them her imaginative tales. I heard through other friends that my children were starting to parrot some of these things to their friends in school. Things like 'my dad wont support us or give us any money' which was very untrue because in the year plus before the divorce was final I paid 100% of the household expenses there and delayed getting my own apartment to do it. She had me having an affair with my boss at work. And the really juicy part was that it was a threeway affair with her, her husband and me. On to the kids. My oldest son had a mild speech impediment that he was seeing a school district therapist to correct. Shortly after I moved out the speech therapist moved in with my ex and kids. I'm not going to make any accusations or tell any stories of wild lesbian sex trysts between them but I will say that those rumors were going around and were not my doing. I began to see this therapist, lets call her Vicky, following me around town. I would go into a store and see her driving across the parking lot. Or I would go to a friends house and catch her driving down the alley or the next street over. So it was apparent that she was playing the part of private investigator for the ex. I always coached my oldest sons baseball teams. It was just something we enjoyed doing together. I liked being my son's coach and he liked having dad there during practice and games. At the time of our separation, baseball tryouts and registration had already taken place and as usual I was his coach and the team was set. One day I'm in the little league office talking with another coach and looking over my roster before the first practice and I see that my sons name is not on the list. I went looking and asked one of the office staff about this. It was then that I was told he had been moved to another team at his mother's request. A team that did not need another coach. When I went to inquire about this at the house she would not even let me see my son. She said he didn't want to talk to me but had asked her to give me a message. It was that he did not want me to come to any of his games and please not to ask him about it if and when he decided to talk to me again. There were many times that I would call or go by the house and could not talk to anyone other than my ex or Vicky. Sometimes I would get to listen to whichever one answered the phone ask the kids 'do any of you want to talk to him?' and got to hear the replies of 'no thanks' or 'not a chance'. And then have to listen to the sarcastic response of 'I'm so sorry, but they don't want to talk right now, maybe later.' And that would be the end of the conversation. When I did get to see them it was rarely more than one at a time. And the ground rules were that I was not allowed to discuss anything that the kids were not comfortable with and if I attempted to discuss anything related to their mother that I was to bring them home immediately. One time when I got to talk to my youngest son on the phone he was being sort of tight lipped and not real conversational so on a hunch I asked him to respond yes or no, was either his mother or Vicky watching him. And he answered yes. And when I asked him was it his mother he said no. So I asked one last question before I ended the conversation because I didn't want to keep him in that uncomfortable a place, I asked 'has this happened before' to which he responded yes. So I confirmed that Vicky was very much involved in these games too. On another occasion that I had to be with my youngest son we went out to dinner and to one of those video game places where you put money on a card and then play games until the money ran out. We discussed some plans for our next time together and he was very positive about it and seemed to be looking forward to it. So much so that on the way taking him back home he called ahead to tell his mother about what we had planned. I could tell during their conversation that she had not been favorable to this because his expression seemed to change and he got quiet for the rest of the ride and would not answer my questions of what was wrong. As I pulled up to the house he got out of the car his mother was coming down the sidewalk. She met him halfway down before I could get of and walk around the car. She grabbed him by the arm and made a face like talking through gritted teeth real close to his ear. As he turned and walked back to me he had tears going down his face and told me through a quivering voice that he had plans that next week and wouldn't be able to see me. In the mean time she had gone back in the house but was standing at the window next to the door watching us. When he finished telling me this and I had responded with 'that's ok, buddy. We'll try to do it some other time.' I hugged him and told him I loved him then he turned and walked back in the front door. I saw through the window as he turned down the hall to his room with his mother right behind him, mouth moving. This set the stage for a phone call I would receive the next day. I was in my office at work and the phone rings. I pick it up and it was my youngest son. He is crying and said to me 'dad? I have something I need to tell you.' So I said 'ok, buddy. What is it?'. His response was 'I don't love you anymore and I don't want you to be my dad anymore.'. I'm not sure that there are words to describe how I felt at that moment but my entire body went numb. I asked him 'what's the matter, buddy? Is there something I can do for you?' It was at this point that I heard a whispering in the background like another voice. There was a pause and he said 'No mommy!' at which point I heard his mother's voice in a whisper but I could tell from the tone how she said what she did because I had seen her do it before. As through gritted teeth and a snarl she said my son's name and added 'Say it!' At this point the line went dead because it had been hung up. I was sitting there not sure how to digest what I had just heard when the phone rang again. This time it was my ex and when I answered she said 'what did you just say to him? He is hysterical, you bastard!' I replied with 'As if I couldn't hear you on the other side of him telling him what to say!' I got no response to this other than the phone being slammed down. Events such as this were a weekly and almost daily occurrence in the first months following the separation. I could write volumns from the journal that I kept and the original word document is more than 30 pages detailing everything from these types things with my children to actions taken by my ex and her family against me and mine all the way to the troubles with lawyers over it all. I will share one last event before I end this writing. My ex was very fond of therapists and counselors. Shortly after our separation she started taking the kids to see a divorce related counselor for children. My impression was they would sit in sessions with her and tell her all of the things they were seeing and hearing during the process. At one point after a couple months she asked to see me and I agreed. We had an hour discussion of things and at one point the topic of Vicky came up. The counselor had not realized that the speech therapist that my son was seeing was also the Vicky that was living with them and talking with them daily about me. She was concerned that there was a professional relationship that might be being used to influence his personal relationship with me. There were also several points that were brought up as comments from my children that when she heard my version and the fact that I was not allowed a word in edgewise with them on all of this that she became concerned and meant to address some things with their mother. The session ended and I left with the distinct impression that she was realizing there was something going on in that house and with those children. It was less than a week later that I learned that my ex was calling that counselor a quack and wanted her no where near 'her' children. So that was the end of that. It was also shortly after that that Vicky 'resigned' from her position with the district and went to find employment elsewhere. Coincidence? I think not.

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My Story : I have been trying to divorce my husband for over three years now. The court has yet to issue me a decree of divorce. Our three children have been living in two different residences. Even though the court ordered counseling for our children with a counselor that deals with "high conflict divorces", this has not been done. Our children blame me for the divorce and complain constantly about me not having enough money for things. My oldest son would tell me to get a better job that paid more. I know these words are many others are not his words. He is often angry towards me. It takes the children anywhere for one to three days to adjust every week. Even though the court is aware of this, nothing is done. My husband finally set up counseling(after my attempts he stopped)prior to our divorce trial with a counselor from the list of providers on his health insurance. The counselor was not a counselor that deals with "high conflict" divorces yet this seems to be acceptable to the court. I feel stuck when I believe I have tried so many ways of protecting the children by making sure there is someone to hear them. The respondent believes that the children are fine. The custody evaluator that we had, used to work for the same place that my husband currently works for. In the custody evaluations we argued about the definition of domestic violence. The custody evaluator did not acknowledge it in our marriage. The respondent was given a "lie detector" sort of test and passed. His background has given him an advantage in the court proceedings. I believe that if the judge was given the truth in this matter at least it would be made known for the benefit of our children. For now, all the court knows is false allegations from the respondent that have been accepted as truth.This man has written a suicide letter, is a sex addict (several affairs long time various people) and the court gives him sole custody for two years. It does not make sense. The court obviously believed the lies he said about me. I have nothing to hide. I will confront this in court or with anyone anytime. I am a very open person and desire to see justice made know in our Arizona courts. With my oldest son (10)I see patterns of "silent treatment", "angry outbursts" and words of "munipulation" continuing to have an effect on our children. Their father has directed them to not answer "any" questions, I ask. I ask how was your week, and my son will freak out and say accusatorily "Why do you ask so many questions?" His body language is antagonistic and there are tears in his eyes. I ask him why he is reacting this way and he crys with frustration. I do not ask questions about my husband's life. I only want to communicate on how their week went.I call once daily when they are at their fathers. It usually feels like they are busy and do not want to talk. I am accepting some things that I know I have to adjust to. Yet, when I sometimes get reactions that do not fit, I get extremely concerned. I truly want to raise the children in a manner that will allow them to have good relationships with both their father and me. I have become aware of making sure that when I am "venting" to someone on the phone that I do it in the privacy of a shut door and when the children are not around. It gets frustrating when the children have bizarre behaviors that do not make sense. I do not want to spectulate on the reasons but only hope to be the best parent I can be when the children are with me. The court has made decisions I do agree with.I can hope and pray the children will not develop their father's addictions. I will prepare myself for many years of dealing with a man who I have no respect for his continuous munipulations being heaped on me and our three children. God have mercy on us all.

My Story : I have been following PAS and now HAP (more appropriate in my case I think) for many years. The point I would like to make is that of contact - 50:50 is a bad idea if either parent is hostile towards the other. My partner and I did not marry and our child was not welcomed by my partner. We separated (without discussion at his instigation) when our child was 4 years. Because we did not marry there was no court arrangement and financial counselling and parenting counselling went on for many years at my instigation with little result. My ex partner's hostility towards me became extremely emotionally abusive. Despite this I had given my child his father's surname and named him for one of his father's parents. I was anxious that my child develop a relationship with his father. Too anxious. Although I tried to keep my ex partner's abuse within my own life I became very depressed and over protective of my child. I doubted my ability to mother. I insisted that all arrangements with my ex partner were adhered to, even in the face of my child's misery. Over the years my ex partner's abuse towards me expanded to include all his friends and family and he attempted to alienate my friends too. I definitely felt that he wanted to kill me in some way. I know that sounds dramatic but I was definitely the focus and he wanted to eradicate me. My child attempted suicide at 13 years and when leaving hospital insisted on living with his father. the hospital consultants insisted that I allow this to happen. I felt that the conflict could not continue and if there could be no rapprt/reasonable co parenting with my ex partner then I must step back for my son's sake. After a year my son stopped coming to see me or communicate with me. I maintain contact through text messages and occasionally he will answer his mobile phone (I have not been allowed to have his landline number since his father remarried and moved into his wife's house. His wife is extremely hostile towards me and for years I could not have any conversation with my ex partner without her constant screaming interruptions.) Nevertheless my son and I somehow managed to have a wonderful 10 day holiday together last year but in a way my son has put even more distance between us since our return. Now I have cancer and his father is now anxious that our son communicate with me and is frustrated by our son's insistence that he will not communicate with me. My ex partner blames me for this. I have now visited my son twice at his father's house because I am anxious that my son deal realistically and optimistically with my illness. I visit when I am able to take friends with me for protection. While they deal with my ex partner I am able to visit my son in his room (he is very isolated and does not leave his room apart from going to school - which he now does regularly). My son is very affectionate towards me - to my relief - but his anxiety an confusion is still there to see. The point of my long explanation is that I regret trying so hard to maintain my child's relationship with his father. Looking back I believe that it allowed my ex partner access to control me which I believe allowed him to try to destroy me without thought for our child's wellbeing. I believe I should have kept my child safe with me and allowed contact only when my child began to ask for it. In this way I believe I could have allowed my child to have some kind of virtual relationship with his father (I didn't criticise his father to him) and pick it up when my child was ready. Maintaining 50:50 access is definitely not right for the child, only for the non custodial parent's satisfaction and that person's own feelings should not be acceded to so quickly. Mediation is a better way to go than the courts but there are many counsellors and mediators who have their own issues and beliefs and who are too interested in achieving some kind of interparental rapport rather than look at a settling down and stabilising period for the child. Alternate weekends and holidays are fine and only if the child is happy to do that. I believe that the custodial parent alone should be supported to encourage the child to think positively about the non residential parent but not pushed. As the child grows older school nights are very disruptive to their routine and until the child is old enough - say 14 or 15 years - to volutarily want to spend more time with the non custodial parent the alternate weekend access has to be a better way. My ex partner of course complained and complained to our son about the unfairness of his 40:60 access (7 days a week are not divisible evenly) and in the end our son found this unbearable.

Name : A Grieving Dad's Letter

My Story : May 27, 2006 Dear Alyssa & Krista, I have wanted and needed to write this letter for a very long time. It has been really hard bringing my thoughts together in just the perfect way so that you two may come to understand what has brought us to this point. During your younger years I avoided discussing some important things with you because it was not something children should be burdened with. Now that you are older, I think it is time. The sadness I have felt from being apart from you over the years has been hard to endure. A day has not passed when my chest hasn't swelled and my heart felt heavy. Oftentimes I will think of you by hearing a song, seeing a movie clip, overhearing a conversation or watching other fathers with their daughters. For those moments the heartache can overwhelm and cripple me. Knowing that the two people I love and care for more than anything, may not understand and know how deeply I feel for them. While we've been apart I can only hope that you might have been missing me too. That is all I can do, is hope. You are my girls and everyday of my life I hold you near. You may question how I could love you both so much, but never see or talk to you. I've had to make some very tough decisions over the years. "What is best for the girls? What is the best way to go about this? What will be less stressful for them?" These are some of the questions I often asked myself. Usually, people at odds work together towards a compromise. In this case, no matter how much I encouraged cooperation for the best interests of you, our children, your mother was set on separating me from my daughters and you from your father. As much pain and disappointment this has caused me, I believe that you two have hurt a lot also. I know very well the difficult circumstances you have lived with over the years. The stress and discomfort you must have felt at times was not fair, not for any child. With hopes that some of your home life stresses would be lifted, I made an extremely hard decision and stepped back. In the past, during my many calls to you, I could hear and feel the hesitation in your voices. I would always tell myself, "It's not me they are reacting to. It's the pressure they are getting." I could feel you being torn. Your mother would repeatedly say to me. "The girls want me to tell you that they don't want to talk to you anymore." I was crushed and refused to believe that was true. Your mom would reply, "Do you want them to tell you directly? I'll get them." There was no way I was going to have you speak those words to me and no way I was going to listen to you say them. No one should be put into such a dilemma, let alone a mother doing this to her children. Being in a situation where you would have to choose between parents is something I would never have wanted for you. So I stepped away. That is the only way I could protect the two of you from more emotional pain. My love for you has always been unconditional. I've never "dangled a carrot" for your love or scorned you into thinking you won't get my love and acceptance if you don't do what I want. I've never wanted to be your "friend," I just wanted to be your father. I hope you can remember some of the fun times we have shared... going to the San Diego Zoo, The Children's Museum, swimming in the backyard, playing the drums, camping, fishing, miniature golf, The Family Fun Center (arcade), and visits to Indiana. And I can't forget our trip to The Big Apple, New York City. Do you remember as I do that when the three of us were together, we were at ease and happy, a warm and loving family? I sure do, and I keep those memories close to my heart. I can only hope for now that there will be more wonderful times for us to share. I know you have the impression I haven't supported you financially. When your Aunt Shawn saw you last summer, Alyssa, she said you mentioned this. I hope you will believe me when I say that is absolutely not true. I have enclosed child support receipts as confirmation. Your mother receives nearly $12,000 a year from me. The money I send is for the two of you only, the daughters whose welfare I truly care about even though we're apart. The amount I send is roughly 20 hours a week of work. Maybe now you can understand why I have lived with housemates in less than comfortable situations. I have a responsibility to make sure you are provided for and I take it very seriously. I have a clear conscience knowing I put your needs before my own, which has been a comfort for me when times are tough. Every birthday and Christmas (and when you were younger the festive holidays like Halloween, Valentines') I have sent gifts. In recent years I've sent flowers. I know many things from us have been returned over the years. I have sent gifts and flowers to the church you were attending in care of Pastor Linnemann as well as to your school. (Do you remember receiving among other things, the many gift certificates?) It has been hurtful and disappointing through the years that your mom has not encouraged the two of you to recognize me as your father, whether it be with letters, school pictures, report cards, art work or allowing your visits. Mostly she would only make contact with me when requesting more money. I want to make it very clear that neither of you are at fault for this. As children you could not be expected to do the things that would keep you connected to me, your father. Now, Alyssa, you are graduating from high school. Time has gone by too quickly. I clearly remember your first day of kindergarten. It was very exciting and I was very proud. But events of that day were also an omen of what was to come. I later learned that your mother had enrolled you in school under the assumed name of her then boyfriend, Tim. I was devastated and contested it at court. But ultimately your mom learned how to gain control of most every situation, especially when it came to my relationship with the two of you. Many, many times I have had to defend myself against her cruel allegations. Undoubtedly you and Krista have been told some untruthful things about me. I can only hope and pray that you know in your heart that I am a decent man. Most of all I have missed the joys and rewards of being your dad and just getting to be a parent. I would have loved to see you playing sports, helping you with homework and learning to drive, and seeing you off to your proms. Your Grandma and Grandpa have missed being doting, bragging grandparents. Lori and Shawn have missed spoiling their nieces. Your grandparents and aunts have felt the same pain as I have and they love and care for you very much. You two are the last generation to our proud family. And just as we have missed out, so have you two. You have been denied knowing your grandparents, great grandmothers, your aunts, great aunts and uncles, your second cousins, and attending family reunions and holiday gatherings. As we are your family, we will be here for you whenever needed. We have a responsibility to help guide you though life. As you grow older I hope you will come to understand the importance of family. And more than anything, we have been denied a real father-daughter relationship. There are so many things that you don't know about me and I don't know about you. I will always be your father your whole life and you will always be my daughters. I've always wanted to help prepare, teach and assist you for what lies in your futures. And to instill in you the value of character. of being honest, kind, moral, compassionate. Guiding you two has been something I have really missed. One thing that has kept me strong is that I've always reminded myself, "There are more years after eighteen than before." I can only hope that we'll be able to share times to come, given there is so much to talk about and learn from each other. Alyssa and Krista, I know that some of the truths I have written in this letter might be hard to accept. There is so much that you don't know and may not understand. I have chosen to remain quiet over the years so as to not burden you with such matters or "poison" you against your mother. You may recall my telling you when you were young that without your mother I wouldn't have been blessed with the two of you. My interest is in one day restoring my relationship with you, my daughters, not destroying your relationship with mother. The day I see the two of you again cannot come quickly enough for me. I Love You, Miss You, And Think Of You Everyday, Your Dad This legacy letter, written May 2006, has yet to be received by the daughters. There exact whereabouts remain unknown. Dad and daughters last together August 2001.

My Story : Hi, I did not know that this program was out there- It is a great idea.... My story- well, to start I have two wonderful boys, ages 12 and 7. when they were 7 and 2 their father and I divorced. Shortly afterward, he remarried and moved several states away. We agreed to keep our family out of the courts and wrote out a visitation schedule where the boys would school with him and visit me 5-6 times a year. After the first visit, which was Christmas I recieved a letter on 1-18 stating they were moving out of the country on 01-20. This started a year long panic of trying to see my children. I had no number for a long time, and only recieved sporadic calls and letters from the father. One such letter asked me to allow the new wife to adopt them, and on mother's day I got a card that said "you were a good mother, but we have a new mother now", etc. Finally with the help of a Senator, we were able to bring the children home for a visit (again Christmas) and settled with the attorneys another arrangement. He continued to harrass me with e-mails stating I had drugs, and mental illnesses. He refused visitations, taped all calls, refused calls unless they were on a specific day, spoke down about me and my new family to the children, and convinced my youngest that I actually was NOT his mother. He refused to tell me when they moved, what shool they were going to, etc. This continued for 5 years before the courts finally had enough, as did my oldest child who developed anger over the way his father has forced himself on our relationship. I now gained custodial custody of my children, and we share joint parenting. 8 Months later he has filed a contempt charge against me, in continued harrassment fashion. He has refused to call his children, refused to discuss any of the issues about the children, demands expensive private schooling and medical testing without warrant, yet does not provide any financial support (he has delayed the final child support order, by dragging it in court), any letters to the boys include "your brothers are enjoying your room" or " they just started this new karate class" or " the family is praying for your situation". And he even attempts guilt on the children saying things like, "you broke our family", "the family is very disappointed in you", " I guess you got what you wanted..." I just hope that he gets the help he so desperately needs.

My Story : one afternoon I went to pick up my 6 yr old boy from his home,he was sick (chicken pocs)& was not at school. My contact time for that day was 3pm to 7pm, I got to the door & no one was home, I call the house,& the mobile phone with no answer but left a message. I wait for an hour & left. I then My son's grandmother's number, she said " they just had left her house". I drove back to the house & her husband answered the door(he had helped me before) my son's mother came and asked what I wanted. I had to explain it was my cotact time(I had thought of leave home if he was to ill but want to see him). she said "NO" & started yelling how a bad father I was. that did upset me, but I calm & said,"it's getting late to take him so I just want to see him". "NO" again followed by yelling & the bad father story. the hushand tried to calm her but then she PUSHED ME DOWN the STAIRS lucky I grabed the door jam & landed two steps down, she then went to slam the door on my fingers, yelling "get out", I step my foot between the door & fingers. the husband tring to control said "you better go". I said, "this is my time with my son, I just want to see him. THE DOOR THEM SWUNG ONTO MY FINGERS & the door was closed. I knock & I knock. So I call the house from the front yard, heard it ring, no one picked up, tried two more times, the final time she answered I'm calling the police. I ask for at less to put my son on the phone, she hung up the phone. I the thought the Police was a good idea & called them(she didn't call them at all), two hours later police came. I explain my story & told to stay next door. the officers came back & said the child was too upset & even with the help of her husband did not want to come out. I was then told by the "domestic Violence" section that It would be hard for me as a man to press charges on her as I was told "MAY NOT GO TO COURT". But if a man did this to a woman I would be in jail without and questions. thank for reading this Ross going for shared parenting to even out the power play that exist now.

My Story : My story began 4 years ago when I lost my now 8 year old daughter. I went to court because her father was drinking and driving with my daughter and was doing sexual stuff with her. my lawyer at that time put in a motion for my ex to lose more visitation and what happened in court was I lost my custody rights to my daughter. My ex was saying that I was abusing my daughter and that was not the case. He kept bringing her to daycare saying to the daycare lady. Tell her how your mother is abusing you and it wasnt true. when I brought that motion in court dss was there also. I went into court and I guess she told dss that I was abusing her. I stood in front of the Judge and tears were coming down my face the judge is asking me where i go to therapy and I said rape counselor the judge said thats not good enough. I said to the Judge I want to move out of this country cause i knew if he got custody I wouldnt be able to see her. The father would never let me see my dauther. and I was right. The father took my daughter out of daycare and brought her to florida. the next time I went to court which was 4 months later when i got to see her he set it up that I would see my daughter at a visitation place that I had to pay for. See I wouldnt mind but this is a man that has a 5 page criminal record that abused me. He mentally would keep me up at night yelling at me and when I tried to go to work he would harass me there. by calling all the time. I was physically abused by him and mentally. I left him with my daughter in the middle of the night. I thought he would never gain custody because of his record but I was wrong. When I was fighting for custody of my daughter. He was putting nails in my tires and he also stole my car trying whatever he can to get me finacially. He also had his lawyer follow me around in court and at the garage where I parked. The father would wait for me to park and park beside me. He kept calling my work and hanging up all the time. I had to tell my boss because the calls where coming in one after the other. See this man wanted to kill me and I was scared to fight because he said he would come after me. I was scared and I didnt know how to fight for my daughter. He also killed my dog. He had deposed everyone of my family members to keep me broke. I have 5 sisters. I am now still trying to see my daughter. The last time I spoke to him he said. Get a parent cordinator I am not going to let u see her and stop calling me. He is breaking a court order cause I am suppose to see her on tues and thursday. and I cant. I can see her every other Saturday though. thats when he will let me see her. thanks for reading this. the abuse still continues but now he puts my daughter in the middle of it. when we are told to leave the abuser and u do this is what happens I guess. Now I wish I never had left him. I am so broke I have had two operations the loss of my job and I am suppose to pay him child support. where is the justice?

My Story : My daughter now thirteen is a victom of parental alienation. I seperated from her mother when she was only months old. I attempted to provide for her though child support but her moms position was if you don't want to be with me then you cant see your daughter. I took her to court and won liberal visitaton and joint legal custody. During my daughters childhood I have never abused her or her mom.However, unknown to me at the time her mom was secretly teaching our daughter that my leaving the relationship was because I did not love my daughter.Eventhough, I had a court order in place her mom would not allow me to callour daughter and would occasionally deny my court ordered visits. I had no idea the trauma her mother would inflict with years of this behavior.Today our daughter is thirteen failing almost all her classes in school and is now deeply emotionally disturbed.She has also been arrested for assult on a police officer I am presently sueing her mom for full custody in hopes of saving my daughters life.

My Story : Over the past decade, I have been the target of attempted homicide, fraud, contempt of court, and perjury from my ex-wife. She has also beaten our daughters so viciously that she left a perfect crisp silhouette of her hand in a bruise on a five-year-old girl. She has been actively engaged in a campaign of alienation, with greater "success" with the elder daughter. I have not seen my children in a year and a half, in spite of two cross-country journeys to visit them. I have been systematically denied access to the Courts (eight and a half years after she tried to kill me, I have never had an opportunity to plead my case). I was explicitly removed by the police after my wife tried to kill me, because I am male and "we remove men from domestic violence situations." The cops assured me that my departure would have no effect on the custody determination. This of course is a complete lie, and the fact she had custody of the kids already was the SOLE determining factor in the judgement (for which, again, I was denied access to the proceedings). Justice? What the hell is that? Hahahahahahaha

My Story : My children's father has been telling our children to kill and to hurt me. He tells them ways to do it. He tells the children to tell their teachers when they have a bruise that mummy did it to them. I have had 12 court cases in six years, 5 of those have been family law matters. My children's father is trying to build a case to sue me for defamation and he is also trying to set me up to get in trouble with the law. Claiming that I assaulted him. I was actually charged the matter went to court and charges were dismissed against me. He and his older daughter is claiming I sexually molested her when she was 10 years old. I have had nothing to do with them for six and a half years. This is the second time my children's father's daughter has claimed someone sexually molested her. Both people are enemies of her father. Currently my children's father's daughter who is now 17 years old is trying to get an AVO against me, claiming a did a slitting throat action to hurt. I have done nothing to her. I feel I am being set up, to be made out to be a violent and abusive person, so the father them can use that to obtain the residency of the children. Currently our children have been seeing a child psychologist, where they have made disclosures about dad telling them to kill their mum amongst other things. My children's father just wrote to the children's psychologist and stated that I sexually molested his daughter when she was 10 years old, that I physically abuse our children and that he has a video of me eating faeces. These accusations are all untrue. My children's father has made countless accusations and allegations about me to the courts, to the police, to the children's school and other professionals working with the children. I need help, is there someone out there who can help me and our children.

My Story : My 12y/o son now won't see me or even return calls. How can a son be turned from his loving Dad. He is so confused and I can't imagine how i can help him short of gaining full-time custody - do the courts know anything at all about this Parental Alienation Abuse. I may just inform them because i can't sit back and accept this confounding and depressing journey my son and I (both victums) are being fored to endure? Shattered in Sydney

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My Story : My two children were brought into this world at a time in my life when love with my partner was strong, and children were a welcome addition to our lives. I was reliant on disability pensions for income from serious back injuries sustained at work as a carpenter. Although I had a couple of surgeries that didn't work and was in a body cast for some time, I enjoyed bringing these two wonderful children into the word, and be there every day to raise them, take care of their needs as best I could. It took some effort, but after several years of me "paying the whole shot" as far as the household bills were concerned, the (now ex) went to work. I assumed the role of Mr. Mom, and me and the kids had a blast doing it. I would be the first up every morning, making sure that breakfast was there, coffee made for the Mrs., clothes for school pressed and ready. (honest, I realy did this) The kids and I formed a very tight bond, mutual respect with a lot of laughs. I'd walk them to the school bus every morning, and either walked to the school to pick them up at days end, or I'ld meet them at the school bus stop and walk them home. We would then go through any homework they had, and when I knew for sure they wor'nt skamming me we'ld go outside and play. I did get a lot of favorable comments from friends and neighbors who saw our daily activities. My second child from this relationship is my first and only son, I have three daughters. Of course it's natural that a Dad seems to form a unique and close relationship with his first son, much like a lot of mothers tend to "favor" a daughter. Also, a father wants to see his son "carry the family name." This has all been completely taken away, destroyed to completion by a mother who, quite simply, has not got the caputchos, morals, or anything else needed to comprehend the abuse she has brought upon these two beautiful children. They have been brainwashed to the point where their very identity is being stripped. You see, the mother has instructed the children to use her maiden last name as their last name, all-be-it that their birth certificate states my last name as theirs. My children are registered at their school and all extra-curricular activities under her last name. The school has her boyfriend named as the other parent. Their E-Mail addresses reflect her last name. At one point she actualy asked me if I would relinquish all legal responsability for the children, in other words to sign off as their father. I have had virtualy no contact what-so ever with my now 15 year old daughter in 3 1/2 years, and have not heard boo from my son, turning 14 in June, in 1 1/2 years. They all live in the same city as me, cohabitating with mother and her boyfriend. I have loose contact with the schools, but have no other access or visitation, despite a Supreme Court Of British Columbia order clearly specifying liberal access and visitation. I do not know who their Doctor is, I have no idea as to their health and well being. My court order entitles me to this information, at the mother's responsability. In the past 5 years the parents have been divorced, this woman has made every effort to put me through hell, and back. She damd near suceeded! To my knowledge, she has made no less than seven complaints against me to both the R.C.M.P. and our local city police, alleging various criminal activities committed by me. One of these complaints was that she, with her own eyes, saw me shoot out a couple windshields with a pellet rifle. Funny thing was, when the police phoned me to find out where they could arrest me, I was sitting with no less than seven whitnesses that could attest to the fact that we were having a wake for a departed friend and I hadn't been out of my house for over 24 hours. The last complaint she made against me was to our local police. When I learned from the R.C.M.P. that the city police had a warrant out for me, I turned myself in, subsequently booked, locked up, detained for something I did not do. Funny thing was, after spending $2,000.00 on a lawyer, everything got tossed, just as we were ready to enter the court room, to speak to the judge. Crown Counsel took her aside, to this day I don't know what they told her, but she left the Courthouse in quite a fluster. I haven't had any complaints made to the police against me since then, nor have I had any contact with my children since then. Soon after the mother and I seperated, she took it upon herself to lay claim to all my carpentry and wood working tools. She knew that I was dependant on my pensions and what I could make with my tools, so she decided to declare ownership by getting a couple of hoods to help her B&E my shop and clean me out to the tune of $12,500.00. She's tried to bury me any way she can. If you had whitnessed the "trial" on her criminal charge you would laugh so hard you couldn't stand up!! That's a whole nother story. THE SAD THING IS THE CHILDREN ARE SEEING IT ALL!! They have overheard all the back-stabbing, manipulative and evil that was put together for this to be done, TO THEIR FATHER!! I wonder how they realy feel?? IT IS MY FIRM OPINION THAT OUR COURT SYSTEM IS ENTIRELY RESPONSABLE FOR ALLOWING THE CUSTODIAL PARENT TO ABDUCT MY CHILDREN. THEY ARE RESPONSABLE FOR MAKING UNINFORMED LIFE DECISIONS THAT WILL FOREVER NEGATIVELY EFFECT THE WELL BEING OF MY CHILDREN. MY SUFFERING IS NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT THESE CHILDREN MUST BE GOING THROUGH. CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT ON THE BASIS OF COURT CORRUPTION, DISCRIMINATION ON THE BASIS OF GENDER, FAILURE TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN, ETC. I have only given you a taste here, of what I've been through with this evil woman. I could right a book on all the issues aroud parental allienation and how the courts so blatently allow it. I honestly cannot put into words the anger and frustration I feel when I address these issues. Sincerely To Be Continued.

My Story : I was a loving devoted wife and mother. I was a stay at home mom for 15years. I was the primary care giver to these wonderful children. I am now a NO CONTACT ncm, with a permanant injunction against me for domestic violence. This means that I will not be able to be at graduations, weddings nothing for as long as my ex is alive. No matter if my children are 18 or 30. There is no basis or truth to the allegations for domestic violence. Only he said she said, and she was NEVER heard. The PAS is so severe that on Feb 19,2007, my limited supervised visits, I think I have seen my boys for in total 15 hours over the last 3 years, my visits have been terminated indefinitely. I am so broken, battered that I have begged to have my parental rights terminated. As the ONLY right that I have is to pay child support. I will never see my children become men. I will not be at their graduations or weddings, I have not seen a report card in three years and have not had a picture in three years. They have no picture of me and are not allowed to speak my name. I am not allowed to call them or speak to them. If I see them in public, I must turn around and walk away or I WILL be arrested. The ONLY contact I am allowed, is e-mail, in which they NEVER respond. I have even stopped e-mailing them. I often wonder how this has affected them, as the ONLY information that I have is that they hate me. I have never experienced such pain. It has cost me even my health. PAS is torture, not just to the parent but to the innocent children. When a parent begs to terminate their parental rights, something is wrong. I believe with all of my heart that children have the right to access to both parents. That children should not be alienated from one parent. That children should have both parents. Parents need to grow up and realize that in their efforts to control, destroy, hurt and ruin the other person, that they are doing this to the children. THIS MUST STOP..........and the legal system is just as guilty.

Parent Alienation Syndome has become important in a divorce action as it has final raised its head in my sons fight to keep his boys safe from an unstable mother.

 

She has now claimed PAS although if anyone in this case is guilty of it it is her.

 

The boys came home from a visit and told be for a week that their mother wanted me dead and they needed to kill me.  Finally of course it wore off as I have been helping my son as much as possible with the children.  But it is hard to know what long-term effects this has on children and family relationships.

 

Hopefully awareness of this problem will help everyone.  Thank you, 

My Story : PARENTAL ALIENATION My Story Mark Roseman Deputy Director for Child Access Children's Rights Council c/o 39 Wintergreen Drive Quaker Hill, CT 06375 tel. 860-437-8010 National Office: 6200 Editors Park Drive, Hyattsville, MD 20782 tel. 1-800-787-KIDS David L. Levy, Esq., CEO On May 1, 1997, I left home angrily because of continuing humiliation in front of my children by my wife at the time. I called her a short while afterwards and she told me not to come home, that she was changing the locks. I tried to reason with her but there was no acceptance. I slept in my insurance office for the following three nites. Then, I found a motel at a weekly rate. An Aunt and Uncle opened their home to me for the next four months. Parental alienation. Therapists believe that it had begun months before the May 1 episode. The battle for control would ebb and rise throughout the sixteen years of marriage. But finally, I could not withstand the emotional pain of my wife yelling at me for being late, for being the product of my parents, for being indecisive about issues among other reasons. I left on May 1. I was served with divorce papers within the next two weeks. I found myself giving the first of $12,000 checks to a recommended family attorney, the former head of the Connecticut Bar Association Family Law Division. Litigation for custody and visitation lasted far longer than the year or so paying attorney, GAL and Attorney for the Minor Children. Parental Alienation. That my children did not want to see me was, I believed, quite understandable or at least acceptable to me for the first four weeks following the initial separation. A court order was made for therapy with the children, but there was no successful meeting. There was little support by the mother. My oldest was graduating junior high school that June. At first, she told me she would think about having dinner with me to discuss the crisis. She called me back the next day and said that, no, she would not see me and that I should not attend her graduation. "Only those who love me and I love should be there." I attended the graduation, a lovely outdoors affair. As the diplomas were handed out, her name was called. She did not appear. Standing at the sidelines, I looked around and around and did not see her or others in the family. I looked up to the dais and they looked at me questioningly. I shrugged. They continued to call others. While at the graduation ceremony, the mother had called my office with the message that as they saw my car near the school, they decided not to attend the graduation. I had humiliated them for I was there. It was in October and with the third judget to hear the motion that the court ordered therapeutic interventions with the children and myself. The first meeting was very trying; the youngest child was four at the time and he was the most receptive but very much on guard. His reluctant high five at the conclusion of the first meeting was the last time I caressed my child in any way. The second and subsequent visits were characterized by his refusal to sit down and play with the toys. The older girls, then nine and thirteen did not participate. I appealed to the courts with contempt motions. The court ordered a forensic evaluation which determined the presence of PA. The forensic evaluation cited a pathology with the mother, that there must have been a situation between myself and the mother which triggered her hostile reaction. Yet, the recommendation was that there should be more attempts at interventions with another therapist. The court ordered another therapist and after one visit, the children boycotted the appointments. During this period and given a high level of disappointment, I started an advocacy organization and began to write about child abuse being emotional as well as physical. The Attorney for the Minor Child took aim and sent me a demand note to explain that there is no such advocacy organization. What this has to do with anything remains unclear to me. However, my board member, an attorney, was pleased to provide a reply to this. Concurrently, the Family Relations Department pursued their own evaluation. The conclusion was that the mother was brainwashing the children and that the Department agreed with the findings of the Forensic Psychologist. The court did not refer to the Family Relations Report. Instead, I surrendered legal custody of my children in order to shorten the litigation and limit the out of pocket expense for litigation. For several years, I returned to court requesting compliance with court orders for therapy and for acknowledgement of the mother's continuing interference with the children's behavior and feelings. Finally, the fifth consecutive judge to hear my case again ordered there be another Family Relation's Study and another forensic evaluation. This time, the forensic evaluation was to be conducted by Yale Child Study Center. The evaluating psychologist - a student - interviewed and met with myself and each of the children separately. By this time, I was angry, felt abandoned by the system and felt more a victim than my children. Though wrong, I was still very much hurt. One Friday evening during the first evaluations, a meeting was held on Friday nite. I knew that the children were in an adjacent room. I wanted to reach out to them, give them my love and my tears. All I could think of doing was finding support through the Jewish Sabbath litergy which I and my children knew very well. I sang softly, earnestly, compassionately and with love those tunes we were all familiar with. The psychologist's report said that I was obnoxiously singing aloud. The second Family Relation's study began with the case worker reviewing each parent's understanding of the current dynamic. She asked my former wife if she was familiar with PAS and if in fact my ex had participated in brainwashing the children. The mother acknowledged great understanding of PAS and admitted to no such brainwashing action. The case worker found there to be no PAS. Her department then sided with the Yale Child Study conclusion that the children were so hardened against me that further litigation over their access would forever prevent possibilities of reunification. I left my insurance practice, became the Deputy Director for Child Access with The Children's Rights Council in Washington, DC and have worked with family and public policy issues since 2002. I have completed requirements for Ph.D. in Family Studies, started two supervised visitation programs and have testified in family courts as a professional witness in child access issues. I was a contributing writer on family issues for the Knight Ridder Tribune Syndicate, appearing in more than 400 newspapers intenationally. My first scholarly article, "New Protocols for Family Attorneys" appears in the American Journal of Family Law, Winter 20007 issue. In June 2005, after a year of psychotherapy, my middle daughter left her home after years of ridicule by her mother in order to live with friends. That September, she called me. We have been close since then and though no making up for lost time, we have been very supportive of each other as two comrades in arms surviving a battle. Close to thirty five percent of parents divorcing face some degree of PA. It is vital that there be court intervention including threat of punishments for PA. It is vital for the health of the children that there be an interdisciplinary commitment to help all those who cause and who bear the lengthy scars of parental alienation.

My Story: I am writing this story on behalf of my husband because he wants the story to be told, but just can’t write it himself.  Like many parents who are probably reading this, he feels incapable of even beginning to describe what we’ve been through.  His boys are 9 and 10 and he’s had the bad luck to somehow end up choosing not one, but two different partners who would later alienate him from his children.  You see, the boys have 2 different mothers.  We haven’t even spoken to the youngest for over 6 months, and the mother of the older boy recently convinced a psychologist to say that the oldest is so damaged because of his father’s inability to maintain contact that they need to terminate contact forever.  The psychologist never even talked with my husband to get his side of the story.

 The story starts more than 10 years ago when the oldest was born.  My husband wanted to do the right thing and get married, but the mother didn’t want that.  She allowed his to be quite close to the baby, for a while, going over to her house almost nightly after work to help with all of the care that a young baby needs.  When a new man entered her life, everything changed.  Suddenly my husband wasn’t allowed to come around anymore.  He had to go to court to gain access to the boy – and from that moment on would only have the access that the court ordered him.  Sometimes, he wouldn’t even have that as she would make up excuses about why the visits couldn’t happen and outright deny him access.  The alienation started so young.  When he was 3, the oldest boy started calling his dad ‘father’ and explained to his dad and his paternal grandparents that his dad was only his father, and that his daddy was the mother’s new husband.  Psychologists told him that the child couldn’t make that differentiation on their own at that age, and that the mother must have been manipulating him.  The boy calls his dad by his first name now because he has to call him that at home and it’s too confusing to switch back and forth between calling 2 men daddy.

 My husband was constantly ridiculed when he picked the boy up.  Called all sorts of names, degraded, and humiliated every time he picked up his son or dropped him off.  At some point shortly before I met him a truce was called – even though it was temporary.

 The atrocities continued as he got older.  I began dating my husband when the oldest boy was 4.  I watched my husband jump through a million hoops to have a relationship with his son – because the mother demanded so much of him.  I watched how he was forced to pretend to be someone he wasn’t just to keep the peace.  I watched as it crushed his soul.  And I encouraged him to stop the masquerade and be himself.  He wasn’t being a good parent or a good person pretending to be something he wasn’t.  The more active a role he tried to take, the worse the PAS got.  We didn’t know that’s what it was at the time, and couldn’t believe the things that happened along the way.

 When the boy was 5, there was a positive DNA match that proved that my husband had a second child.  He had initiated the DNA test after 5 years of being told first that the youngest boy wasn’t his, and then that he was, back and forth.  He wanted answers so he could be a father to the boy if it was in fact his child.  We immediately began paying child support (although it was not ordered by the courts).  The mother held onto the cheques, and then told the courts that we had never attempted to make payments, so we were penalized with heavy back pay.  She told us that if we would just drop the access motion that she would drop the child support order and we’d never have to pay her a dime.  We never cared about the money, only about having the chance to be a part of the boy’s life. She told us that she would make our lives a living hell until we had no choice but to walk away.

 How we ended up dealing with 2 exes that were PAS inducers, I’ll never know.  But that’s what we dealt with.  From the time that we started having access with both boys, the pattern was the same with both of the mothers.  It was remarkable how alike the actions of the mothers were – until we started communicating only in writing, and then figured out that they were in cahoots with each other.  We would receive an email from one saying that they were changing visitation times and then 5 minutes later receive an email from the other with almost identical words changing to identical times.  The boys also explained to us that they got to play together on weekends that we didn’t have them because their moms liked to get together and talk about us.

The things we watched those 2 little boys go through over the next 4 years were heart-wrenching.  We picked up the oldest from school – and were often told by teachers that we knew it was our weekend with the boy because he was so much happier and more cooperative when he was expecting us.  And still, we would have to deal with both boys being quiet, withdrawn, and sometimes mean to us when we first picked them up.  After an hour or two, they would warm up and be their normal selves and we would have a great weekend visit.  And as we were dropping them off, we could watch them become more reserved and quiet.  They wanted us to give them hugs and kisses before we got in the car, or when we were still in the car when we dropped them off because they didn’t want their moms to see.

 After some time, it got worse.  Not only would the boys be withdrawn when we picked them up, but often they would tell us about things that had been said about us at home.  We would have to spend time defending ourselves and helping them to understand what had been said as the start of our weekend.  Knowing they were being manipulated was devastating to watch and we tried to do something about it.  Our lawyer told us that unless we had a videotape that had the mother saying the bad things to the child that we couldn’t fight it in court because there wasn’t any concrete proof and that we’d better just get used to it.

 One time, the mother of the youngest boy attacked my husband when he picked up the boy and then called the police and reported that he had assaulted her.  She didn’t have any marks or bruises so no charges were laid and the police advised us to videotape all drop offs and pick ups from that point forward.

 Both mothers would often create plans at home on our weekend with the boys and make sure they knew what they were missing.  Then, the boys would spend the weekend moping around our house knowing that they were missing out on fun stuff with the other part of their families.  We were powerless to stop it, and even if we planned something fun to do instead, it still had a devastating effect on them.

 We had to turn our phone off in the evening on the weekends that we had the kids.  The mother of the youngest believed she needed to call every night to say good night to him.  She would go on and on about how much she missed him and how she couldn’t sleep when he wasn’t at home until he would end up in tears and feeling like he needed to go home to her to make her feel better.

 Both boys were told that they could call their moms anytime they didn’t like what we were doing and wanted to come home from visiting with us.  Several times this was used as a threat against us when we were getting them in trouble for something.

 We were taken to court for child abuse for giving the oldest boy a vitamin.  The case was thrown out because the mother never called the police or social services – just filed the case in court herself.  However, the judge did tell us that we shouldn’t give the boy vitamins because it wasn’t our job to parent him – but only to have fun and take him out to hockey games and football games and to restaurants to eat.

 The mother of the youngest boy made up allergies and medical conditions in an effort to prevent us from having access to him.  The doctor told us that the conditions didn’t exist, but refused to testify to say that the medical claims were false.

 The mothers often caused big scenes in front of the kids during pick ups and drop offs.  They would yell, scream, and once or twice even hit, and then tell the children that Daddy had started it and it was all his fault and that he was bad for fighting in front of them.  My husband always stayed calm and held his ground, never yelled back – but was still made to look like the aggressor.

 Both boys are incredibly smart – but the stress caused them to perform poorly in school.  This will affect them for their entire educational lives.

 Through it all, it got harder and harder to stay in relationship with the boys.  We watched them growing apart from us and watched the control of their mothers tighten around them.  We were constantly being blamed for things that we didn’t do.  If we didn’t jump through their hoops the boys were told that Daddy didn’t love them enough, or Daddy didn’t love them as much as Mommy.  My husband became so depressed that he dropped out of school – 9 credits short of graduating from university.  He spiraled further into his depression and only worked for 8-10 months of the last 3 years.  We had only been married for about 5 months when the depression hit, and the whole thing made our marriage so fragile.  I became stressed and emotionally fragile too.  We both gained a lot of weight and our health severely deteriorated.

 We hated living our lives so much that when we would come home after visiting my parents out of country or even when we returned from our honeymoon, that I would sit on the airplane as it began to deboard and cry – fearing returning to my ‘normal’ life.

 The worst part about it all was that the mothers had my husbands family completely fooled.  The put on such a sugar coated sickly sweet act that no one believed us when we talked about the things that had happened.  So often we would hear that it couldn’t be all that bad. It almost caused my husband to completely terminate his relationship with his family because he was so hurt.  It felt like a knife being stuck in his back.  They couldn’t understand how these women who said that they wanted the boys to have a great relationship with their father and that we could visit with them whenever we wanted could possibly be the way we described them to be.

 After almost 9 years of sticking to it, going to court to have our rights enforced, and being slapped in the face by both the mothers actions and the decisions of a biased and ineffective court system, we made the heart breaking decision to walk away.  We tried everything we possibly could before making the decision.  We talked to every social service and were told that unless the mothers were willing to work with us, there was nothing they could do.  We went to counseling, and invited the mothers to join us, but they refused.  We tried to talk to men’s support groups, but because my husband was married they wouldn’t talk to him.  So, we told the mothers that we weren’t living by their rules anymore.  That we would see the kids when they wanted to see us, talk to them when they wanted to talk to us.  We didn’t know about PAS yet, and we didn’t understand that this was in fact giving them more of the control that they desired.  We didn’t understand how crucial it would be for the boys to have regular contact with us if we wanted to have any sort of relationship with them in the future.  Would we have made the same decision even if we’d known?  Probably.  If we didn’t, I’m sure my husband would have been driven to suicide.  At the time, getting out was our ONLY option.  We packed up our things and moved across the country.  For the two of us, it was the best decision we could have made.  We have a warm welcoming community here and don’t regret moving away.

 After less than a year of trying to maintain a relationship with their grandkids on their own, my husband’s parents realize just what we were going through.  They too have no contact with the boys anymore.  The last time they saw the youngest one, the mother told them that he was not allowed to see or speak to his father while he was at his grandparents house.  My husband’s mother told her that in her house her grandson could talk to his father if he wanted to and that she wouldn’t stop him.  That was the end of the relationship.  Since that visit, none of us have had any contact with him – despite sending him numerous letters, phone calls, and home videos.  The last time they saw the older one, virtually the same thing happened.  That was the last of that relationship too.

 From the time that we moved away until now, we called both boys every other week.  We wrote to them at least once a month and sent home-videos that we took to help them see what was going on in our lives.  With the younger boy, we talked to him about once in every 15 times we contacted him.  He was not allowed to read our letters or watch the videos.  And, as I said at the beginning of this, we haven’t talked to the him for over 6 months.  We talked to the older boy about 50% of the time.  He was allowed to watch the videos, but his mother would remove the letters and then tell him that we were sending him videos to show him how we were off traveling the world instead of going to visit him.  It didn’t matter how much we called, it was never enough contact for her – and she said that if we couldn’t call on her schedule that we wouldn’t be allowed to call at all. We told her we weren’t going to give into her demands.  She told us that we weren’t allowed to tell him we wanted to see him because it was too hard on him.  She had told him that he couldn’t see us because we lived too far away and kids can’t fly on planes alone until they are 16.  We told him it wasn’t true and that he could fly and explained about the way flight attendants would look after him on the plane.  He came up with lots more excuses about why his mom said he couldn’t visit us.  She would get mad because after a call with us he would be upset.  He was, in all truth, upset because we were dispelling the myth that his mom had created, but she said that we were just causing problems.

 He started to have difficulties because his mom was creating such a delusional reality for him.  Then, he would talk to us and we would burst the bubble and tell him the truth – that we love him, that we want to be with him, and that he can come to see us if he wants to.  So, she carted him off to a psychologist and told the psychologist about how awful we were and all of the problems we were causing – and the psychologist started to work her powers on him.  We don’t know much of what has happened, except that the psychologist has decided (without ever talking to my husband) that all contact should be terminated permanently.  Now we have to go back to court and prove that none of this is true and that we should be in regular contact with him.

 It has been a long and challenging battle.  We keep having faith that everything will turn out right and we will have an excellent relationship with the boys, but some days it feels doubtful.  I’ve read through the story I’ve written here, and it doesn’t even begin to tell about the anguish, heart-ache, despair, frustration, depression, anxiety, guilt, and loss that we’ve experienced.  It all feels a little surreal sometimes – and in reading this I notice that I have really detached myself from the emotions, perhaps in a coping mechanism to be able to survive it all.  We love those little boys more than anything.  We left not because my husband is a ‘deadbeat dad’ – he has continued to pay his child support faithfully throughout the entire process – and when he was out of work and had no income, I have paid the child support on his behalf.  He wants nothing more than to have a wonderful and loving relationship with his children.

 Our experience is that lawyers, judges, psychologists, and the police don’t understand.  And perhaps they don’t understand for the same reason that we didn’t.  They have never heard the magic letters ‘PAS’ or what they stand for.  And because they don’t know about it, they can’t recognize it and unwittingly play into the hands of the PAS inducing parent and assist in the deterioration of the relationship.  We hope that this website can get the word out, and truly educate these people so they can recognize the signs and make the harsh decisions necessary to put a stop to PAS for good.  For the sake of the children who need to grow up experiencing the love of both of their parents, it is time that we all start speaking out about Parental Alienation Syndrome.

The day will come when after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And on that day for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.

~ Teilhard de Chardin

 

My Story : For years, I was the victim of mental and physical abuse, as placed upon me by my currently estranged wife. The main reason I stayed as long as I did was for the benefit of my children. After about a year and a half of counseling with my priest, I decided to follow his recommendation and seek a divorce. Although I have no intention of returning to my estranged (we have beens separated for a year), I am with great concern for the well-being of my children. My estranged and her live-in lesbian lover have and is demonstrating all of the characteristics of PAS and this is reflected in the actions of my children. When I was living in the home, I did not know of her lesbian affair. When she would tell the children they "do not need to f--king kneel when they f--king pray" and "Daddy only loves daddy" and daddy "only cares about daddy" and other similar criticisms and worse, I was there to demonstrate to my children that I did care about them and did love them more then anything in the world. On the rare occasions that I do get to visit with my children, they are distant from me at first, but after about an hour or so they begin to act in an affectionate manner and display joy for the time they are with me. This joy begins to turn once again to resentment of me, as we approach the time they are to return to their mother and her lesbian lover. Since our separation, my estranged ahs taken me to court, stating that she was afraid that I would take the children out of the state; oddly, she took the children to Georgia and told them "do not tell Daddy", just before the court date. She also said that I took my Knights Templar Sword to her job and was swinging it around and threatening to cut off everyone's head; I am a Knights Templar, but did no such thing, nor would I ever. My estranged also stated that I hit my son in the back with a 4 X 4 piece of wood. When my attorney asked her if she called the police, she replied, "yes, but I told them not to take him because he is mentally ill". There were no records of any call to the police, or of any incident report, or anything of that nature because no such event ever happened. If I had done any of the things she stated, the police would have no recourse, but to arrest me, or baker act me. This is only one of the examples of the lies that my estranged told to the courts; similar to those she ahd told the fire department I worked for, my mason brothers, and family and friends (these lies increased after She was arrested for battery upon me in 2001 and continue to this day). On more then one occasion, I have gone to their residence and witnessed my estranged and her lover walking about the house in loose fitting nightgowns The children and kissing in front of our children. The children put on somber faces and look down toward the floor, during these times. Just this Friday, 02 Mar 07 I was to have my children for the weekend. However, my daughters said they did not want to go with me on the phone. I proceeded to visit the them at their home and ask if they wanted to go to dinner with me and I would return them after dinner. This was met by my 13 year old daughter saying she did not want to go; my 10 year old followed suit, as she often does the same her sister. When I asked her why her only answer was "because". She did say quietly that she loved me and then went to the kitchen table; this after we prayed (I have been saying nighttime prayers with my children since their birth). I then called to my 13 year old, as my 10 year old stayed with me in the entry.She ignored me. Then when my estranged's lover called her, our daughter answered her immediately, which lead to my estranged laughing as she held her lover close to her. As my daughter was directed to talk to me by my estranged's significant other, I told her that "daddy and mommy love her and she can call daddy whenever she wants and I would always do anything for her". I then gave both of my daughters a warm hug, a kiss on their cheeks and an I love you; my son was working (he works at the same Mc Donalds as his mother, who is his manager). While I was able to present my sincere love and devotion to my children when I lived with them, I find it harder to do so when I am not with them daily. This is because they take what their mother and her lesbian lover say, at their word. When my brother masons found her to be lying about me, my estranged said that a brother Knights Templar (a part of the Free and Accepted Masons) licked her neck in the parking lot and that the children saw him do it. When I asked my children if they saw this, for she made this statement to me in front of the children, they replied that they "did not see it but they believe it because their mommy said it". Of course, the children were the only ones that she said witnessed that which she claimed. My estranged goes to the extremes to denounce me; she will speak poorly of my family, my Brother Masons and Knights, the church, the sheriff's department, and anyone that is associated to me. My friend of nearly ten years and the current sheriff offers me support, but aside from extra patrol, he is restricted from doing much else in this civil matter. There is nothing that I would not do for the enrichment of the lives of our children. While the matter of alienation is being effectively addressed by my attorney, the alienation continues. Although I would love to be the chosen as the primary residential parent, my main concern is that the children's needs are met. As I have asked my estranged to attend counseling for the family and she has repeatedly refused, I will request that the court order such counseling to take place. Regardless of whom is awarded custody, I want to ensure that our children know that both of their parents love them. Certainly, in my making this request, the divorce may be prolonged and the costs will increase. However, it is not the amount of time or money that concerns me; what my main concern is, as it always has been, is our children. If there is any manner in which I may assist in promoting the awareness of PAS, as well as means of effectively stopping PAS, please feel free to contact me. If you hae any ideas that might help me to lessen the emotional strain placed upon my children, as a result of the alienation that their mother and her lesbian lover have cause, please do not hesitate to write me. Thank you sincerely. This is a group involving missing children alerts which I find to be applicable to PAS as many times the abductors are parents which have caused PAS upon their children. http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/SarahFergusonDuchessOfSmiles

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